I have walked back and forth in this no man's land. The earth under my feet have rubbed the grass and pebbles away. All that is left is dusty dirt. In days of old I have yelled out listening to the echo return to my ears. My heart became rebellious because I wanted to hear his voice not my own. I wanted to see him come around the bend with arms wide and wanting for me to come running. But many days and years have come and gone. I keep pulling my eyes to God's horizon. I don't yell any more. Painfully, I have realized that it is not what I want them to give to me but what they can actually give. I sadly sit on 'look out rock' with my back to the caves. I know he has nothing to give nor does he believe that he needs me.
All the men in my life that I truly care and love hold me away from themselves. There is this veil and I cannot get beyond. I don't want to but I wish that all the strength I see inside their hearts would be unleash into this world. I see it but they don't. I have had many discussions with God. I am trying to still myself and listen. One day I will understand. Maybe one day a man will walk into my life with no veil. Or maybe he will come back from beyond and show me no veil because he took on the fight and God freed him. It remains a mystery and that is ok.
Because I have called out to God and have sought His Face and Heart, He comes and reveals Himself to me. I am allowed entrance into His Secret Place. I am His and He is mine. I am His Beloved and there are no doubts. He moves heaven and earth to be with me. He gives me great paintings and landscapes just for my enjoyment. He loves to see me smile. I strive to smile for Him... every moment ... of my days....
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