There are those who would love to be friends with others and then there are those who remove themselves from others. It seems that these two types follow the rule of opposites attract because it happens in families.
This girl is angry today. The days before have been in mental struggle to wrap my brain around it. Tears. Anguish. Fear. Sadness. I have had to be the adult and come to terms to my own melancholy. (In my label-book melancholy is a blue mood but not as severe as depression. And I do believe you have to label something in order to work it out) So I know the blues run in my family yet as I say this stubborness also runs in my family. See, I have had this word thrown at me and no, it did not feel good. Yet, I view stubborness as a friend especially when used for the good. So why can't a family member buck up and change? Why can't he follow God's nudge? Oh dear, don't tell me God will have to nudge harder! Why can't others see that bad health is God's way of saying to change some things? I can say this because I have to be very stubborn and eat a certain way. I could not be headache free without leaving 36 foods behind and especially when it comes to my dearly loved chocolate! I know God is in it. See we just had a family decusion about sugar. One brother and his son go into crazy mode after eating sugar. Believe me, the little nephew was spinning out of control after an adult size bowl of ice cream! YiKES! Where is the parental no? He is only 3@! The other brother was commenting how he was getting headaches from sugar. And then there is dad with diabetes! This is not random!!!!!!!!!!!!! (cane and beet sugar is one of my allergies)
Back to the blues...
No, I cannot say I conquered my melancholy by myself. I aggressively give credit to God for that. He was the One who turned my world upside down and tumbled me out on a journey of Joy. Every day since God and I have added more and more of a barrier to the blues like fish oil and figuring out my daily nauseous headaches (food allergies). I can still have my days. (I am still a woman! {smiles} ) I usually have tolerance for others and especially when it comes to loved ones but not today. In fact if you were here you would be hearing me mutter 'whatever. I am a big girl. I have the whole weekend to tend and mend my home. I don't care to be near those who don't want me around. etc'. And it is no big surprise that I was attracted to a guy who presently has removed himself from me with no verbal reason why.
I am pretty ticked off. I won't let it show tomorrow but oohwoosh....
It would delight me to no end to find a male who would dig me, who didn't disappear, who chased me, who thought holding hands while walking a slice of heaven, who beamed when I entered the room, who could sit gazing into my eyes.... then it would mean letting go of he who was so cool to be around but disappeared ... could I let go? I probably won't have to answer that because finding a male who digs, present, chases, holds my hand, beams, gazes is pretty much a lost cause in this age....
To think I wouldn't have let him make me so disenchanted...
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