Sunday, October 14, 2007

dreams vs REALITY ...

SWF seeks her own dream house - a skybox of sorts, a porch of sorts, a basement, and a garage.

I found it!

My living means today is a very small apartment. My passion of glass and painting makes my tiny kitchen part craftroom. I don't host or invite others over because eveything is like a bull in a babydoll china shop. If you want to feel tall or if you want to feel claustrophobic, come to my place. To me it is all about cozy. What I have is enough I know and I am learning to strip the excess off and try for having just the best. Being a semi-packrat, it can be hard at times but the right mood comes along I ride it for all I got and throw out. I am finding my creative engery a bit passive because I cannot spread out. I must clean as I go or I go a bit loony.

I look at my situation and I wonder why I am still here. I am an established adult single woman in the backyard of her 30's. Why am I still renting? I have an allergy to tobacco and where I live out of the 9 people I share the building with at least 4 of them smoke with all the smell coming into my apartment. Today I woke to a smoke smell not from cigarettes but to someone burning something. Yikes! I long to have a garage! I long to have a porch for growing things and just enjoying. I have been dreaming of my dream house for a long time now. I don't know for sure how long proabably since I was playing house as a wee girl.

Being single my search for a house that will not require mowing or much structure help. I don't want to have to pull Dad away from his own home and yard or depend on bros who have entirely different lives and directions. That means the house or condo is going to be more expensive than a fixer uper. I don't plan to do much searching because as I will later tell you is how the dreaming makes for me being very messed up. So there are these nice condos near by me and the parents. Something that tweaked my interest. So I braved up and went to check it out allllll by my lonesome. Now that is brave for me!

WOW! I loved it and that has been the only thing I can think about. Very disastrous since this is my vacation week and I really need to focus all my energies on painting. I doubt I got much sleep. But I really need to put my feet on the ground and focus on spacorizing my place and be ok.

Let me tell you all the good stuff! You open the front door to stairs. There is a door to the garage and if you go to the back of the garage (I found the exact place to put my beloved bicycle!) there is the door to the basement. It is not finished but all that space I would have a great place to plan out a glass shop and storage!! Oh wow! with an ikea mag, I could definately design a storage area (add to get list) to die for! Back to the entrace there is a nice window that looks out to rosebushes. I would put a nice pew bench (add to get list)so it would be easy for taking shoes off and maybe a nice coat rack. Sorry, definitely no shoes in this palace! You climb these stairs and it comes to a nice size livingroom with a sliding glass door with a small porch area. A small lovely wire table with two small chairs (add to get list) would be just right for breakfast and watching the sunrise! To the left of the stairs is a small kitchen. It is all done in black. I forgot to check out the sink. I would love a stainless steal. Wished I would have spent more time thinking about that kitchen. No stove or frig! bummer! (add to get list) It had an area with barstools. Not sure my oak colored table and hutch would look alright in the darkstuff. But it would have to! It had a west window. Good for the evening meal. I like to watch the skies. Being able to watch the sunset ranks very high on my list and I wasn't sure this place would cut it because there are a lot of trees. I was pleasantly surprised as this place being entirely on the second floor and the windows have great views east and west. I wouldn't have a south view and I might miss that having it now but having the east and west just might make up for that. It has two bedrooms with the master bedroom having a small walk-in closet and a nice bath too. Nice! It has a washroom for washer and dryer (add to get list) There are to areas on either side of the livingroom that one side would make an area where I could have bookshelves (add to get list) for a library and writing area!!!! The other side I could have my computers and craft area. Ideas and the get list are just piling up! Besides the huge price tag is the $95 a month for maintaince fees. No lawn mowing or snow sholving!

My biggest question is if the market is for the buyer and I see on the tv that sellers are adding nice incentives to the buyer's package, why can't I ask them to add a washer, dryer, stove, and frig of my choice without add to the cost? If I could I ask for a finished basement too or at the very least a nice storage unit from ikea. Ahhhhhh dreams!

I really need to rip the flyer to shreds and muck out all these dreams and plans I have. I have a week of vacation to enjoy and make the most of. No pining away for a skybox of dreams. I have my skybox right here and now. I don't have to worry about utilities and maintainance fees. I don't have to worry about the inflated property taxes that are ever skyrocketing. I don't have to worry the cost of fixing anything that is broken. I don't have to bear the burden of something soooo big on these wee shoulders of mine.

As I was climbing out of my jeep that will cost me $1,300 dollars when I take it in tomorrow to fix a stearing rack problem, I asked God what the purpose of teaching me independence of others instead of dependence.

I've been reminding myself that Jehovah Jireh, the Lord provided. I am ok where I am at in a wee home without worry vs a really nice home and not being able to enjoy because I am slaving away at bills that threaten to take me out.

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