my personal journey '06

What do I say about this year now passing? Interesting. Major changes or maybe major shifts have happened in my path.

I gave into to talking a food allergy test. What could it hurt but make a dent in my wallet? The outcome was more than I could have guessed. Overhauling my kitchen and my life around 36 food allergies wasn't hard but in the same breath it still is hard. I don't want to be overly focused on food. I wonder if I will finally get to a place where it is second nature.

I gave into the loss of a major friendship. I got pass the yucky part where you are angry one minute to desperate the next. I now have feeling of best wishes and dreams for him. I still miss him. I still miss us. But having God as a Constant fills in the scary places.

I have given into letting go. If it isn't working, let go. It goes for things as well as for people (sadly). When it comes to people, I notice I get in the mix and paint up a storm only to find out that I was the paint hog and the other person wan't into it or walked away. I realize my rhythm is off when with others. I need to be more aware!

I let Grandma H go. I have memories that come and visit. When I used up the blueberries or used the blue canning jars or the wedding glasses, I think of her and my other grandparent memories.

With each letting go, a stage of life has passed. I know the earth moved but did not feel it. It sort of just is.

While I have let go of some baggage, I will keep some things as well. I will keep better eating habits. I will keep the precious memories of my loved ones. I will keep the valuable lessons of getting free of my fat suit and making sure that I bring myself as an equal partner to all my connections. I will keep my surface in balance with my depth. My surface used to be deformed and itty bitty, but not anymore. I will keep the most valuable lesson of engaging others. This has wowed my shyness! I can finally do it!

I hope that what is really seen in me from this last year is a leaner me .. more free...

Hark! the Herald Angels sing...

I have often wondered why they put the carol 'Hark! the Herald Angels Sing' in my favorite movie "It's a Wonderful Life". What was the connection? I believe it to be in how God can change our darkest night into a Christmas morning. What a transformation God's Saving Power can do to a life ...

Hark! The herald angels sing,
“Glory to the newborn King;
Peace on earth, and mercy mild,
God and sinners reconciled!”
Joyful, all ye nations rise,
Join the triumph of the skies;
With th’angelic host proclaim,
“Christ is born in Bethlehem!”

Hark! the herald angels sing,
“Glory to the newborn King!”

Christ, by highest Heav’n adored;
Christ the everlasting Lord;
Late in time, behold Him come,
Offspring of a virgin’s womb.
Veiled in flesh the Godhead see;
Hail th’incarnate Deity,
Pleased with us in flesh to dwell,
Jesus our Emmanuel.

Hark! the herald angels sing,
“Glory to the newborn King!”

Hail the heav’nly Prince of Peace!
Hail the Sun of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings,
Ris’n with healing in His wings.
Mild He lays His glory by,
Born that man no more may die.
Born to raise the sons of earth,
Born to give them second birth.

Hark! the herald angels sing,
“Glory to the newborn King!”

Come, Desire of nations, come,
Fix in us Thy humble home;
Rise, the woman’s conqu’ring Seed,
Bruise in us the serpent’s head.
Now display Thy saving power,
Ruined nature now restore;
Now in mystic union join
Thine to ours, and ours to Thine.

Hark! the herald angels sing,
“Glory to the newborn King!”

Adam’s likeness, Lord, efface,
Stamp Thine image in its place:
Second Adam from above,
Reinstate us in Thy love.
Let us Thee, though lost, regain,
Thee, the Life, the inner man:
O, to all Thyself impart,
Formed in each believing heart.

Hark! the herald angels sing,
“Glory to the newborn King!”
- by Charles Wesley 1739

wonderfully rich

my Navaho Christmas Card ...

I always enjoy getting Lolita's Christmas cards. They are always selected with her heritage in mind. I always want to put them into frames because they are so beautiful and I know carry such meaning.

It is a dark night. Father and son are coming home on their horse drawn wagon to their warm hut. Mother and dauther are waiting for them. Such a beautiful picture. I love it!

May beauty surround you,
Beauty before you and beauty behind you,
Beauty above you and about you,
and may your road home
be on a trail of peace.
Happily may you return.

Yaateeh Keshmish*
(Merry Christmas)
*Navajo Language


my Navaho Christmas card
WinterCount: American Indian Greetings

few fav movie of 2006

*** 'One Night with the King' ***
** 'the Lake House' **
* 'the Holiday' *
* 'Step Up'
* 'Take the Lead'
* 'Flicka'
* 'Firewall'
* 'the Guardian'
* 'the Prestige

sort of listed in order of my favorites ...

fav reads of 2006

Ron Mehl's books!!! I am a huge fan!!!
*'God Works the Night Shift' {huge wow!}
* 'the Tender Commandments'
* 'Meeting God at a Dead End' {on the list to read next}
* 'Surprise Endings'
* 'A Prayer that Moves Heaven' {better than jabez!}
* 'Love Found a Way' {best to read at Christmas}

I had to add Ron's books to my libray because after reading ''God Works the Night Shift'', I knew I needed and wanted to reread these books over and over. A great addition to your devotional and prayer life. Well, just plain good for your life journey!!! If you want a recommendation for just one of his books, I guess that would be 'God Works the Night Shift' because once you read that one, you will see why you will want all the books.

* ''The Blessing'' by Gary Smalley & John Trent
I read this and found a great way to bless a dear one in my life with the meaning of his name. I was struggling with a way and this book helped. Everyone should add 'Covenant Blessings' into their lives as a way to celebrate each person of great value. What a way to empower others.

* ''The Gift of Honor'' by Gary Smalley
Another great way to conduct your life whether you are single or have a family. If you really get into the depths of honor, it isn't as easy as it feels it should be.

* 'He's Just Not Into You' by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo & 'Called a Breakup Because It's Broken' by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt
Ok, these books are a bit on the crass side. But when you are deep in your sad slumpy self, you need a huge wake up call. These books will do the trick. Expect to be angry. But anger helps you get over him and move on with YOU!

few fav tunes of 2006

* ''Saving Me'' - by Nichelback
* ''I Got You'' - by Craig Morgan
* ''Kill Me Now'' - by Rio Grande
* ''Why, Why, Why'' - by Billy Curlington
* ''Bring It on Home'' - by Little Big Town
* ''My Wish'' - by Rascal Flatts {great sequel to ''What Hurts the Most'' & my life now}

I was a bit frustrated because when blogger updated and I tried to transfer to their new stuff, I lost my profile which is where I was keeping track of my favorite tunes. I did find a slip of paper where I had been making notes. Boy, do I need to be more organized! I think I shall be with my usb port. Hmm, I think I better put that on my firsts for '06!.

few firsts in 2006

*life change – 36 food allergies 2/6/06 – zone
*1st basket 4/12/06
*1st child 3/06
*Aus Blue Pumpkins – baby bush & jarrahdales
*Knitted (loomed) 1st ‘christmas stocking
*Knitted (loomed) 1st purse
*Painted 1st teardrop flower
*Painted 1st humming bird
*Painted 1st sweet pea
*Painted 1st pumpkin ‘mice’

monthly thoughts from 2006

Jan: ''Build your life around your passion!''
Feb: ''Live romantically!''
Mar: Know and use your unique signature 'color' all over your world
Apr: Be the flame not the moth.
May: Your life is your ART!
Jun: Bright eyes gladden the heart! .......... prov 15:30
Jul: The heart that loves is always young. greek prov
Aug: To engage life cures a stagnant mood. ~k
Sep: Use words of faith & victory.
Oct: no fat suit - all rudie nudie!
Nov: make new wine
Dec: hold to what you have

'06 theme: the year of the Gift

2006 was the year I had name for learning and putting more beauty in my life. When I do this, I am asking God for His teachings. But to my surprise God had other plans. He did not have beauty in my teachings but rather teachings about Gifts, the kind of Gifts He gives and how I hold them with hands open but receiving.

I first learned about NOEL and how this name in modern translation means 'precious gift'. Even though I tried to express the importance of this beautiful name to a handsome person (no word back), this definition was really for me. This dear name is everywhere at Christmas and I even have a permanent reminder in my home, so I cannot get away from going directly to prayer of thanksgiving for the God-Given Gifts everywhere in my life and the missing Precious Gift.

Because of this Precious Gift handsome person touched my life by accusing me of not being 'rudie nudie', I learned a year later a gift of ridding myself of the 'fat suit'. So really a gift is good when it ends that the gift keeps giving good in your life!

Well, in honesty by learning about gifts and getting rid of my fat suite, I have allowed an invitation for Beauty to come into my soul...

passing the football ...

I see God and Gerald Ford on the Heaven's shores hundle up like two American footballers. I can't hear what God is telling him but Gerald is in rapt attention. They are in the Halls of History. I am sure God is showing him Heaven's side of the typastry of Time. Then I see God point out in the vastness. He pulls back the curtain and shows Saddam beeing jerked into his afterlife three days after Gerald was called Home.

Both God and Ford had tears in their eyes. God's tears were hot and sad. He had given His most Precious Gift. Again another had rejected... Ford's tears seemed to be awe of God and the humbleness felt...

Heavenly Father and Almighty King of kings,
I can't help feeling such amazement as history keeps unfolding... so fast before me as I sit here on the edge of time especially when men and women with great shadows whether good or bad enter Eternity. Diana and Mother Teresa. Shivo and Pope John Paul and Ronald Reagan. Now Gerald Ford and Saddam.

I am amazed of the contrasts. When these things happen, I feel you tapping me on my shoulder to pay attention. As I ponder, help me listen in with Your Wisdom...
~ always your little girl

history in His Story...

When Ronald Reagan died, I remember talking to him about Ronald and Nancy's love affair. We talked again about how letters can really make a relationship. Oh, I miss talking to him...

Tonight I watch another Presidental Funeral of Gerald Ford. I am learning a lot of history and learning of another great love affair. I was a little girl when Gerald Ford was President. I don't remember much. So tonight I have been pondering a great deal...

History has looked kindly on Ford. From the looks of it, he did not have much favor in that time even as he tried to heal a nation. I can only hope that history will look kindly on George W Bush. God is in charge of all of history. His ways are not ours. Even in our attempts, God uses it for His purposes... Good will triumph over evil in His Perfect time...

Betty and Gerald's marriage was not perfect but it was loving and enduring. Fifty some years? I can only hope.... but as I did some calculations I could have fifty some years of marriage even at the deep in of the 30's. I would be in the deep in end of the 80's. Oh, I certainly miss talking to him...

Rocky Balboa ...

I would rate this movie as a 9. I saw Stallone a couple times on Christian shows promoting his movie. I thought this interesting. I enjoy the Rocky series. I really enjoyed Adrian and Rocky's relationship. I didn't see Christian overtones. Rather, it is undertones and you have to connect the dots.

This movie is true to the first movie. Rocky continues to reach out to the underdogs of this world. In creating this movie, he never broke character. I like that. It has been quite a few years and making a new one it is easy to use new stuff and to forget what you learned from your history.

This movie is dirty. It takes place in the same dirty neighborhoods of PA. He still lives in there. You see that he did not take his fame inside. He stayed true to who he is. That is what makes him loveable.

Adrian is still a major part of his life in spirit... Yes, someone tried to keep that from me before I saw the movie, but I kinda knew...

Stallone wrote the movies. And he did admit that the first and this final movie are autobiographical. No wonder I like him... He is a gentle giant. He takes underdogs under his wings. To me that is pretty special. I remember that deep feeling I had as a little girl and that desire to see underdogs succeed....

bottomed out ...

I had the evening all set to spend with Mac. I had been nerveous and excited all in one. It has been a long couple of months with distence and shut downs. Tonight was suppose to open up a whole new world.

No, not talking boyfriends here. I am talking upgrading my old pal the iMac. I prepared to 'destatic'. I put the memory in and like the last time the white tabs that are suppose to match up with the notches on the memory don't. I push hard (being small I am not sure if I am using enough ufph). Well, it won't go in any further. I don't know how it will stay put. I flip Mac back in upright position and turn it on. Wooohooo, time to put in the disk.

The disk is a dvd. I open it up and read what I am suppose to read. Then I click on the installer. Up comes the big X screen with a button to restart. I click it. So Mac does his thing. What is suppose to come up is the installer screen. But that does not happen. I have a screen showing the installer button just like before. I restarted several times. Then I shut it down. Checked the memory again. Turned it on and restarted several times again. Then I went surfing google to get help on troubleshooting. What I find is not what happened to me.

What a mess. When things like this happen, I break down. God has been with me the hold time and I again come crying and tearing myself up. I know this is just a stupid human desire. This isn't eternal. Yet, I bring up all the things I could better use ...

I thank God that He doesn't need to be upgraded. He never slows down. He never just drops you for no reason. He is always there in every emergency. He is always working the NightShift and Weekends. It doesn't matter if it is a holiday. His manual is always included. He is always there. There are no lobby music blaring as you wait on the phone. You can take on life even without macgroups because God is in your group. You don't have to go the library to get five volumes of mac books to see if they have an answer to your problem....

My heart had that feeling again where the bottom drops out and it left scrape burns all down my insides... I was afraid that I would not sleep... I cried out ... He heard and granted me sleep .... I promised not to touch mac the next day...

waiting on memory ...

I know they told me 6 - 10 days and with Christmas in the mix, I figured at the earlist tomorrow and the lastest, next week. I am talking about my upgrade and memory for my iMac. I got my upgrade Wednesday but still have not seen the memory. I am biting at the bit! I have been trying to stay calm but a little impossible! I had them ship to the office but now with the weekend looming, probably not a good choice. I am also peeved because they didn't get the addresses down right nor the spelling of my first or last names! Good grief, where they listening????? So I am a nervous wreck!!!

cliff hanger ...

We have all seen the cliff hanger where there are two mountain climbers, one is desperately holding on to the other climber who slipped off the peak. The shot settles on the two hands holding but the grasp is getting weaker. The faces are twisted in agony. Fingers holding fingers. The holder swears he will never let go. The hanger's mood shifts from holding on to letting go. The viewer is screaming 'Nooooooo!'

I have seen many scences and I have often gotten mad at the climber who let go. 'Fight to stay,' I howl through gritted teeth. Why do they alway give up. Why do they always tell the other to let go. It is better, they say...

I finally understand. I was the one who slipped off the mountain. As I am dangling there without a firm stronghold, I look into the eyes of the holder and say, 'Let me go. If you continue, we both will go sailing over the cliff. I have had my fill. It is better for one of us to be saved, and today it is you. Today we go our separate ways. Let go of my hand ...'

Wow, I never thought I would let go. I am always the fighter. Tired doesn't mean old age rather a long and fierce journey... Not sure where this will lead me... I put hope on the Mystery God revealing slowly but surely in my steps... hiding my tattered and ripped spirit within His Saving Wings...

leaning opportunities ...

Twice over the weekend this fact tapped my heart. God give us opportunities to lean on Him. I swirled it around between my mind, heart, and spirit.

First, God takes away. Now that would wake any one from a deep slumber. Some run further from God and some lean in harder. For me I have to admit I get angry and I have my mad chatter with God. Then I give up and lean. With this new thought, I can walk more humbly and near God. Maybe I can save myself from the useless petty fits I throw.

Second, God gives. Some take it and run. Some drop in awe and give thanksgiving. I have made a habit of gratitude and it comes easy to give God credit. Not sure about the other side of the fence, but I bet there are a lot that just take in their grubby little fist without the slightest thought that God gave. I give credit to God for helping me find that 'we love macs' site. I had given up all hope on upgrading my computer. When a sunrise is especially brilliant alll are!, I give God credit for His Artist's touch. Every new thought or inspiration that comes out of the blue to me, I give God the credit.

So whether He giveth or taketh, God gives us opportunities to lean on Him. It is up to us to give in to His gentle and strong Arms as He holds in a sweet embrace...

notes & stickies ...

I was cleaning off the little pile of notes and stickies that had accumalated on my desk this past year. It was like checking my growth and thought process. I had questioned why people leave me. I had lists of why it was wrong. And that pesky little question I had about why good gifts had to expire. It is good to know that I have come to a peace with God about it. I can throw out all those pieces of paper.

I still don't understand. Sadly and with joy, I gave 'it' up. I still continue to give up. I resolve to be more of a free spirit even in the mist of my depth when it comes to relationships. I won't give up engaging others because that was of God .. I know that for sure.

Clearing out old notes and stickies, allows for a new year of lessons to unfold... I wonder where I will be next year at this time ... as I look back to where I was a year ago ...

desk rage (v)

OOOOh, they finally named it. We all know about road rage. Now we have desk rage.

signs
-frustrated
-trapped
-late
-lots of sick days
-moody
-steals office supplies
-can't get along with others


I am sure we all could add a few more to the list.

orange zest ...

I have 18 oranges to consume before they all rot! I think I can do it!

I love the smell of oranges. I love how you can bend the peel and watch the juice squirt. I love chocolate and oranges together but with my new eating habits I have discovered changing up some routine flavors with orange zest.

I have added it to my blueberries and cottege cheese. Nice! I have even added to my tuna patties. I have added it to baby oil for a nice refreshing scent. I add it to my candles to refresh the room... It is only the beginning!

love it!!!!

Noel (n)

Every good and perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of the Heavenly Lights,
who does not change like shifting shadows.
~ James 1:17

Through this year the word 'gift' has toyed with my spirit. As I would try to capture it, off it would go for another spin around me. Quite a dizzy effect. I had a good gift and recognized it from day one. I was always keeping the Eternal in my sight of vision. I did not want to mess up. Well, this good gift expired and I did not quite understand.

I know that Noel means 'Birthday of our Lord' but recently discovered a modern version of the definition means 'Precious Gift'. How fitting! On the human level I tried to express to my gift the value of who he was. But on the Heavenly level I have a Precious Gift like no other.

I do understand that God knows me better than the future I could dream up. He understands my need for 'value' and that that good gift that only lasted four years could not give what he did not have. I can only hope that all I poured into this gift will continue to ripple and nourish my loved one.

Through all the ups and downs and prying my fingers off the gift, Friday past God whipered to prepare my heart and keep it prepared... for what? For the good gift to return... I think more importantly than questions, I need to keep my heart prepared for God Himself. I believe and know for sure that God is the Greatest Gift Giver. You a true gift giver is one who delights in finding that perfect gift that the receiver where the eyes light up and the heart skips a beat or two. Pretty awesome truth.

Christmas Eve this verse came to me. A Christmas Hope that my Heavenly Father and Husbandman does not shift like the shadows of the night. I can whole heartedly trust and lean into Him.

It matters not that good gifts expire because the Precious Gift of all good gifts does not expire. He will continue to bless me with good and perfect gifts. I am here in the moment... expectant...