What do I say about this year now passing? Interesting. Major changes or maybe major shifts have happened in my path.
I gave into to talking a food allergy test. What could it hurt but make a dent in my wallet? The outcome was more than I could have guessed. Overhauling my kitchen and my life around 36 food allergies wasn't hard but in the same breath it still is hard. I don't want to be overly focused on food. I wonder if I will finally get to a place where it is second nature.
I gave into the loss of a major friendship. I got pass the yucky part where you are angry one minute to desperate the next. I now have feeling of best wishes and dreams for him. I still miss him. I still miss us. But having God as a Constant fills in the scary places.
I have given into letting go. If it isn't working, let go. It goes for things as well as for people (sadly). When it comes to people, I notice I get in the mix and paint up a storm only to find out that I was the paint hog and the other person wan't into it or walked away. I realize my rhythm is off when with others. I need to be more aware!
I let Grandma H go. I have memories that come and visit. When I used up the blueberries or used the blue canning jars or the wedding glasses, I think of her and my other grandparent memories.
With each letting go, a stage of life has passed. I know the earth moved but did not feel it. It sort of just is.
While I have let go of some baggage, I will keep some things as well. I will keep better eating habits. I will keep the precious memories of my loved ones. I will keep the valuable lessons of getting free of my fat suit and making sure that I bring myself as an equal partner to all my connections. I will keep my surface in balance with my depth. My surface used to be deformed and itty bitty, but not anymore. I will keep the most valuable lesson of engaging others. This has wowed my shyness! I can finally do it!
I hope that what is really seen in me from this last year is a leaner me .. more free...
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