Fav Quotes 2014

• "Sometimes when we least expect it, a small cross proves a lovely crown..." ~ Louisa May Alcott / "The Quiet Little Woman"

• "If God is calling me in this then He will equip me to it."  - Dannah Gresh 

• "Troubles are helpers if we take in kindly and the bitterest may sweeten us for all our lives." ~ Louisa May Alcott / "A Hospital Christmas"

• "Women are life-givers who need to speak life to others." - Dennis Rainey

• "When night comes to your world, what do you see? The darkness or the stars?  Hopelessness or hopefulness?  Sometimes, just as He did so long ago, God uses the darkness to reveal His stars-" ~ Max Lucado / 'Follow the Star' from "One Incredible Moment"

• "the cheerleader without the cheer is like pop without the bubbles." - Robyn McKekvy on wives cheering on their husband

• "Love is only love if chosen." ~ Max Lucado's One Incredible Moment

• "You and I have been given by God the privilege to train our appetites." - Ravi Zacheriah 

• "God has reserved you for a special task. In His hands we're not only useful, but priceless."   - Joni Erickson Tada

• "God draws straight lines with crooked sticks." - Joni Erickson Tada

• Deny your weakness, and you will never realize God's strength in you.        -Joni Eareckson Tada

• The greatest good suffering can do for me is to increase my capacity for God. ~ Joni Erickson Tada

• Heartache forces us to embrace God out of desparate, urgent need. God is never closer than when your heart is aching. ~ Joni Erickson Tada 

• "The heart is restless until it finds rest in Jesus Christ."

• "Half of real beauty, virtue, & romance of the world gets put into humble souls, hidden in plain bodies."               ~Louisa May Alcott  / Mrs. Podgers' Teapot

• "The greatest ability is availability."

• … Our burdens are our wings; on them we soar to higher realms of grace; without them we must roam on planes of undeveloped faith, for faith grows but by exercise in circumstance impossible.…"  - streams in the desert March 10

• "Great hearts can only be made by great trouble. The spade of trouble digs the reservoir of comfort deeper, and makes room for consolation." ~ Charles Spurgeon 

• "Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox." ~ Charlie Brown 

• (paraphrase) When you let expectation move from a desire to a demand, selfish anger rears up. (Chip Ingram)

• Love opens us up and we start to feel our pain.  - John Gray (90/10 rule)

•  she says about her man - "I feel like a bird circling & circling an island & never asked to land on his shores"

(.•   )               (•.•✽)

• When coals  separate they cool off; to stay hot they have to stay together.

• "Work is a gift of God. If you cannot do what you love, then learn to like what you do." ~Elizabeth Elliot 

• "Don't let your misfortunes find a home!" ~ Call the Midwife / Season 3 Episode 6

• "Comparison is thief of joy. "

• "A nation's greatest defense is NOT its military, but the family. Our nation's greatest asset is NOT the national treasury — it's the family. The moral spine of our country is NOT in lawmakers — it's in the family, which spawns & nourishes character."          ~ Dennis Rainey

• "What is Joy if it goes unrecorded? What is love if it is not shared?"     Call the Midwife / Ep.8 Season 3

• "If you don't love God first and most, you will have no idea how to love others." 

• "It is by loving and not by being loved that one can come nearest to the soul of another." ~George McDonald

• "Without friends no one would choose to live, though possessed of all other advantages." ~Aristotle.

• "You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes." - Winnie-the-Pooh

• “In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” ~ Einstein

• "Discretion is the better part of valor." ~Shakespeare  

• "A man who prays much in private will make short prayers in public."   Moody 

• "Journeys end in lovers' meeting." Shakespeare 

• "FAITH is eyes on Jesus. Fear is eyes on the problem."

~ Pastor Missionary Kouami Midekor / Togo / Matthew 14

• "our Father is committed to supply our needs not our greeds" ~ Anne Ortlund

• "I've learned to kiss the waves that throw me against the Rock of Ages."     ~ Spurgeon 

• "Dwell on the size of your God not the size of your giant."

• "You must not dig up in doubt what you have planted in FAITH."  ~Elizabeth Elliott

• "We need to quit struggling and start snuggling."  ~ Corrie ten boom

• "Never mind how great the pressure is, only where the pressure lies. Never let it come between you & the Lord. Then the greater the pressure, the more it presses you into His heart." Hudson Taylor

• Introverts & Extroverts isn't about hating & liking people rather it is about how we charge our batteries."

~ Tim & Joy Downs

• "If you can laugh at it, you can deal with it." ~ Joan Rivers 1955-2014

•  "You got no love in your heart, you got nothing.  No dreaming. No story. Nothing."   ~Australia 

• "Running ahead does NOT hurry up God."  ~ Pastor Chuck Swindoll / Abraham waiting from 80 to 100 for Issaic to be born 

• "Man is to behave like God the Father. The wife is to behave like God the Spirit. The children are to behave as God the Son." ~ Paul Kingsbury  #God'sdesignformarriage. 

• "Man can legalize it but it does NOT legitimize it."  ~ Paul Kingsbury.  #gaymarriage

• "God is using all of your experiences, both good and bad, to develop your character to match your calling."     ~Lysa TerKeurst 

• "I must exchange whispers with God before shouts with the World."      ~Lysa TerKeurst 

•  "Gather where wisdom gathers not where wisdom scatters."                 ~Lysa TerKeurst 

• "You steer where you stare."  ~Lysa TerKeurst 

• "Leave your footprints on the heights." ~ Dennis Swanberg

• "I'm your wife but you are my life."       ~ a woman said to husband. 

• "It is our pleasure to be a friend to others; is God's pleasure to give us a friend." ~ Stephen Davey 

• "We are blessed to be a blessing."      ~ Brain Kluth

• "Trouble is momentary. Memories last forever.  So just hold hands."  #marriage #relationships #families

• "Let the wife make her husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave." ~Martin Luther

• "Our sin has the ability to hurt the most those who trust us the most." 

~ Stephen Davey
#DavidBathsheba

• "Happy list: ✓ something to do  ✓ someone to love  ✓ something to look forward to." ~ Elizabeth Elliott

• "Joy actually sparkles in darkness, and like heavenly fireworks, Joy doesn't require daylight and cloudless skies." ~Patsy Clairmont

• "He who angers you conquers you."       ~ Elizabeth Kenny

to carry a little life ...

I am a story collector.  I am a story keeper.  I like to listen to someone's story.  I like to understand what makes them tick, what makes them smile, and what makes them sad.  I am emotionally vested. It is treasure in the raw.  I have a vast library of stories and as I think stories begin to come together and dots begin to connect and my thoughts enter into new territory.  Often these stories are kept within my library for my own pondering but sometimes the story must be told...

I have a co-worker friend whose story has a similar vein as me and my nieces.  She once opened up to tell me about her child that she miscarried.  I have not experience this in my family sphere when she was telling me.  My heart ripped for her as she stated that she often wonders about this child she will never know.  Inside my heart I am screaming 'I will see this little one and you too can if you fellow Jesus'.  I don't say it aloud.  I want her to hear not shut me down.  Maybe another time ...

Another story comes by a book.  This child is a child with a lot of health problems and does not have many days on earth.  As the story unfolds it is how the mother and father cope with the health issues and with not knowing how long they have with this precious little girl.  I don't remember the title of the book.  Some of the details are foggy.  I am thinking the little girl's name started with an A like Angie or Angel.  What I do remember well is the 'vision' the mother had.  The mother was awake and this dream was of comfort.  It was God surrounded with little children and He was telling them that He has  parents who wanted a baby and He had a tough assignment.  He wanted to see who was up for the challenge.  He went through the list.  Hands went up but then as the list got harder and harder, the hands weren't going up except for one.  This little girl called Angie said she was willing to undergo all of the heath issues and limited days on earth.  This is just a paraphrase and I so wish to find that book!  But what I remembered most about this was how it comforted the mother to know that God had a purpose for this precious baby as well as for her and her husband.  It changed the mother perspective and renewed her weary soul that if Angie could sign up for this hard challenge, she could be up for this challenge as well.

Another baby story comes from Joni Erickson Tada.  Again I don't remember all the details but I do remember Joni saying that this mom knew that something was wrong with the baby and the baby wasn't going to live.  The mom so determined to give this baby in her womb all her best and to be proud to have carry this baby as many days God would give.  I was thinking wow..... to have presence of mind to be joyful and not wallow in grief and loss... I don't think I could do that.

Another story is King David's baby story.  He lost a baby.  He grieved and morned and prayed over the baby but when the baby died, he washed himself up and morned no more.  The people around him wondered at this.  King David's reply was that he could not bring the baby back but that he would go unto the baby meaning that when he died he would go unto this baby.

I've squirreled these stories away never knowing if I would ever need them.  I am not a mother nor will I ever be one.  I do have a mother instinct and vision so maybe some day I could use them....

News! My little brother and wife are having a baby.... lasted all of twelve weeks.  The little one was the size of a blueberry.  I was still in the process of accepting the idea of another pair of feet pattering around.  A new personality to discover and enjoy.  Gone.  Never to know ... at least not here on this earth.  Heaven and eternity though will be ours  to know each other ... so hard to wrap my mind around.  What comfort can I bring to my brother and his wife?  I have these stories.... they are a comfort to me but how do I be a storyteller....?

in AD 70 ...

In the back of my mind I had wondered if today's Israelis could trace their linage to King David or other great Jewish Bible characters and why or why not?  Maybe I was told back in my college Bible classes and I wasn't paying attention.  I really never pursued that question out loud.  No longer do I need to question it!

While reading "An Indescribable Gift" by Pastor Stephen Davey, the answer was given.  I was so excited to see how God works in Mighty Ways even in little questions.

We have Jesus's lineage listed in both Matthew and Luke to show that He is the true Messiah but the Jews are still looking for the true Messiah.  So if they are still looking for the true Messiah why haven't we heard of today's Jews tracing linage back to King David?  They can't!  All the records were destroyed when the Romans destroyed the temple in Jerusalem in AD 70.  "To this day, no genealogies exist that can trace the ancestry of any Jew back to his tribal roots.  No Jew can prove he's from either the priestly or the royal line."

Wow!!!  I find this so interesting.  Interesting that God is in the details.  He has the answer so straight forward.  He keeps pointing all humanity to His Son.  Sad though, because we fail to see Jesus Christ as the Answer...

the bride's veil ...

Have you ever wondered about "& the government shall rest on His Shoulders"? (Isaiah 9:8)  I may have had some wonder but I am living in an age of really bad governments.  Governments that war against its people.  Governments that war with other governments.  Governments that sell off morals and liberties.  Governments that distort truth and freedoms.  So at face value I am glad that the government rest on Jesus's shoulders. He has the last Word.

Pastor Stephen Davey has such a God-given gift of wisdom and knowledge and I love his An Indescribable Gift message where he colors in Isaiah's full picture of the government resting on His Shoulders.

"When the year of Kiddushin was over, the groom would begin a noisy procession to the bride's home.  ... After arriving at the bride's home, the two of them would then begin the walk back to the groom's home ... during that walk, at some point in the brief journey the bride would remove the veil from her face and lay it upon the groom's shoulder, and the crowd would chant a song that included the words 'her authority is upon his shoulder.'  Her life is upon his shoulder: the government of her life was now upon his shoulder.  Obviously this reference includes the sovereign rule of Christ over all the governments of the world, but what is lost is the imagery of a husband who loves his wife and bears the responsibility to care for her, and she finds security and rest in his authority and provision. That is the picture Isaiah is drawing!" (from Davey's message)

As a woman a veil over the face is a covering of safety.  In today's terms I see it like a pair of sunglasses.  Every spring I go for my Saturday sun walks.  I am not the most confident and have to do a lot of cheering myself out there.  Putting on a pair of sunnies help in my little mind that there is a layer of protection between me and others.  If they can't see my eyes, they can't see me.  Yes, I know crazy notion but it gets me out there walking!  So if I lay that protection on the shoulder of my husband, it means that I am allowing my husband to see my vulnerability and allowing his strength to shield and protect me.

"He's coming for you, and upon His broad, omnipotent shoulder you can, as His bride, lay your veil, as you surrender to His authority and His care and His provision.  We say to Jesus Christ: "the authority of my life is upon your shoulder.  My trust for care and provision is upon your shoulder."  We cannot fully describe Him, but we can fully surrender to Him. And as you place the veil of your dreams and your wishes and your will upon His shoulder..." (from Davey's message)

I love that I can lay all upon Jesus's shoulders.  I seek safety.  I want to be protected.  I don't want to be out there on the stage of life all by myself.  Gladly, I have a Husbandman that is my Shield and Defender.  And what broad strong shoulder He has.

It also means that I allow Jesus to govern me.  I must follow His Lead.  I am quite alright with that.  I am human.  I make mistakes.  I run empty of Joy and Love and Thanksgiving and Strength.... etc.  He never runs low.  His resources are rich and plentiful.  He wants me to take His Resources and to use.

I think in pictures and word-pictures and this masterpiece is one I shall cherish and remember and walk more uprightly in this rich abundant life Jesus has given me.

 

a thanksgiving pearl ...

Thanksgiving is essential to the life of a believer.  It is the key to a full and abundant life.  It unlocks Joy within the heart.  What one thing encompasses respect, maners, love, relief, and thoughtfulness but giving thanks?

I became a believer when I was 5 but in 2003 with a job loss I knew I needed a restart.  Meloncholy was my draft setting.  I was slumped at the window of life watching the world go by without me.  It was a good time to try thanksgiving for a change.  It was a small step that got bigger and bigger with each passing year.

Thanksgiving is like a pearl.  It takes an irrantant wrapped and wrapped with praise to be something of great worth.   It puts the focus on the Heavenly Father's Mighty Arms than the pungy pesky problems.  To sum up Psalms 107 from wastelands, darkness, rebellious ways, lost at sea to thanksgiving ... the upright SEE and Rejoice but all the wicked are shut up.(v. 42).

I SAW God come through when we had major storm&nbsp on July 1st. There was massive cleanup to do at my parents' place. The house, garage, and fishing boats escaped structural damage but the winds shredded the ancient trees. There was so much damage that at lunchtime I noticed how defeated my Dad was. I called the brother to come help. While Dad and the brother got the chainsaws up and chewing, my 10 year old nephew and I pulled and hauled big branches to the road. From this hardship I found out my nephew was a talker!

See, the men in my life are quiet and when there are problems afoot they hunker down to process. I never want to be the cause of their silence so I have been seeking God in understanding the inner-workings of man. Having this moment of time with a little man with a fresh divorce in his childhood was God-Given and is a keeper for a lifetime. I hope my nephew felt valued from having my ears as an audience.

God wasn't done with my lesson.  I had a longstanding question for my Heavenly Father. Men grow men. What if there are no Godly men to come along side and mentor your man?  Can a God-seeking girl be a healing presence and God's instrument in her man's life?  Bob and Cheryl Moeller were sharing their book "How to Get Your Husband to Talk" on a podcast. I had done three things right. During a shared activity, I listened and asked clarifying questions. God is so Good.  His Arms are Mighty in every storm.  I am so thankful to have the summer afternoon to be at the feet of Jesus listening to a little man!

This story seems a bit glossed over so let me fill you in with some of the not so glamorous parts.  It was a hot day and hard work.  We were a freak show as people drove by real slow to see the massive damage.  There was no electricity for a week.  Mom and Dad had to come use my guest bathroom.  The stress spurred on the shingles for Dad in the months following.  This was a hard blow.

This is NOT easy and some irritants get by us to take us out.  Sometimes the vision gets blurry before we realize we need a time out  -- a declaration that this day is a day of Thanksgiving to God and whisper not  a need or care.  What a difference it makes.  God doesn't need the Praise for Himself but rather the puny human is in need of praising the Heavenly Father.  We are forgetful -- oh so forgetful.  The world loudly and noisily lies to us and we easily believe the lies and promptly forget the Truth.  Thanksgiving gives you SIGHT to see and to boldly Rejoice in God's Sovereignty.  He never stops protecting or providing for our every need.

I must stay this again - I never want to forget that summer afternoon that my ears were in the presence of my nephew drinking in his every word. Thank You, Heavenly Father, for such a wonderful gift!

choose life or death ...

Last weekend two women who were battling cancer made a choice.  One decided to take matters in her own hands and end her life before cancer could.  The other young woman choose to make a goal and met it before cancer could.  

My purpose here is to record my observation and also to encourage faith when challenged by pain and suffering.  I'm far from being callous.  Every single human would never choose pain or suffering and every single human wants to be in control.  I've had dark days and I've had days when I've cried out to my Heavenly Father asking what my purpose is on this earth.  Ok, I've not had to walk the shadow of death or bore the pain of Job.  So maybe I should not speak ever so boldly or maybe I should...

As the news of these two women where annouced on Monday, it was so blantently obvious.  My heart sunk and I turned away in disgust as I heard the one woman ended her life because she didn't want her live her life in a deteriorated  state.  Too easy.  Too cowardly.  Then the news turned to the young woman who is battling brain cancer.  She too knows her days are numbered and her biggest wish was to play in her first college basketball game.  She can't really practice like the other girls anymore and she cannot run the court to make the basket but her fighting spirit is contagious.  Her school as well as the opposing school decided to move up the first game so she could play.  As they set up for her to make the first basket and the last basket of the game, every heart of the fans and of that of the whole nation were bursting with deep emotion welling up in the eyes.  Very courageous.  Very moving.

It seems very ironic that both women where in the news at the same time.  Seems a very obvious contrast and answer to a very tough question.  No, I do not know the spiritual condition of their hearts but I could not help to be moved and put down a peg or two.  Are you willing to let the Creator of Life decide how and when it is your time to die?  Are you going to face the end with His Light on your face or are you going to turn away?   Pain and suffering can darken our faith.  Will you let it?

Have you experienced something tough that initially would never have chosen but when you  gotten through you would never go back to change it?  Those 'throughs' are the perfecting of our character. It is usable silver minus the dross for the Silversmith. 

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!  I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and to be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on the account of me. Philippians 1:21–26

give it right back …

You know that advise given for those cantankerous people you have to deal  with?  "You have to give it right back.  Don't let them get you."  I heard this said today from a coworker whose boss told her how to deal with a less than nice fellow employee.  So I began to think about that advise.

So I am to dish it back like I was given?  Wouldn't I take on the nastiness?  Wouldn't that fester and erode my Joy and genthle quiet spirit?  It is not Biblical to dish back what I have received.  It sounds to much like exacting judgement and harboring evil --  No-Nos straight from the Great Book.

No, you don't let them get you but you don't let them drag you into retaliation no matter how deserving they are.  Do it God's Way and keep your head low for "whosoever digs a hole & scoops it out falls into his own pit. The trouble he causes recoils upon himself…" Psalms 7:-5-16  So instead of scooping out, pour kindness over them.  You are beyond the pit lifestyle.

expectation ...

You know there are some words that we use that if we were really honest we really don't know the meaning.  Sometimes I ask God to help me with a word so I can be more deliberate with my definition.  So what is the word?  expectation.

Live long enough and you realize that having expectations of people is really you trying to control them and when they fail, you're heart breaks by your own hand as you blame them.  Then you swear you won't ever trust another human being.  Yet, I believe you should have expectation in life but it must be directed towards God and it has to be empty of your own directives.

It is being that wide eyed child expecting only that God is Good and Sovereign.  The only two questions allowed to utter is what good will God provide me today? and how will God transform me today? then sit back and wait on Him to surprize you. The answers will at times involve pain but He is very trustworthy and loves us greatly.  Your answer back to your Heavenly Father is Joy and Thanksgiving...  by doing so you avoid a lot of disappointment.

I long for simple black and white child like faith in my grey adult world.  Keeping my expectations hidden in His Capable Hands allows my inner child to come out to play and enjoy life fully and feel pain deeper yet without drowning.  

As I lay my head on my pillow tonight, I will delightfully recount my many blessings and take notice of His Touch on my life as He makes me more like Him... 

Great is Thy Faithfulness 

moment by moment 

new mercies I see

all that I have need of 

Thy Hand hasth provided 

Great is Thy Faithfulness 

small world ...

My world is a small one and I am a deep soul.  Get too many people in my sphere, I heat up and my battery drains just like an iPhone hitting a glitch.  I like people when they get annimated and I feel deeply when they bare their souls.  When they feel safe in my presence, I'm good but when they have their hand out or just blantly take like it is owned to them, I shrink away.

Even though I have been having some good work days of late, I have a definate week cycle.  It gets more pronouced when the heat is on like the past couple of days.  I work all week to have a calm quiet Friday and it seems everyone else crams all the work on Fridays.  I came home so defeated that all I want to do is roll into a ball and hide in some dark place where no one can find me.  I could never go out on the town on a Friday night.  I think it would be a deadly combination.  

Anyways I am just no good after a normal day's work.  I'm worse than no good after a hard week.  I can't do all things.  I can't be all things to all people.  I am a very simple person on top of being too deep for my own good.  I'm not like anyone else you've met.  

In plain words don't make me feel guilty for having a small world... it makes my worse day worst.  

{Sigh} Two rants in one week!  The guilt has overshadowed my whole week and when I look ahead, I dread more guilt.  If the swelling balloon, can't have a slow leak, it will pop in fragmented fly away pieces.  I need to find some fun or dive into a passion and get lost in it for awhile.

Good Night!  Off to roll into a ball and be out like a light!  Sweet dreams be true...

an introvert rant...

I could scream on the top of my lungs and sadly that would not be very introvert like... and at this point I would almost do anything to stop the high octive continuous rant that is blowing part my mind space.  

There are two things that fires me up to meltdown mode.  One is trying to set me up on a date and the other is to shame my introvertive ways.  Guilt me and I will relentlously resist.  So stop already.

Let me say it again and let me be very clear.  Being an introvert is not about being unfriendly or antisocial rather it is how one charges it batteries.  It is about how one is filled, how one is exhausted, how one is energized, and how one is depleated.  

I am gladly an introvert.  I am friendly but in a quiet manor.  I cannot deal with huge groups nor the small group.  I work best one on one.  I am a great listnener and have a huge reserve of empathy.  I am an observer.  I am active but more behind the scene.  Not only am I socially an introvert but I am scholarly an introvert which means I am a self learner or self taught.  I don't like to learn in groups.  If I need to express, it has to be one on one of here on my blog or in prayer with God.  

I know that God wants us gather together and to love one another but I never felt good about youth groups or sunday schools or singles groups or even Bible studies.  I am tired of coming home more agitated than peaceful.  {huge sigh} 

Are you saying I have to go to sunday school to perfer one another?  Do I serve in the nursery to care for one another?  Do I need to serve as a finacial secretary even though I hate money to love one another?  Please stop making me feel bad.  I beg for mercy.... or do I relent....

two fish stories & a thought ...

    It has been a couple of weeks since I heard these stories so I had better put them down to the best of my memoriy real quick like!

first story:

Cod fisheries were trying to raise cod in a control setting but when they brought them to the resturants the taste quality was like day old and not fresh.  They began to realize that they needed to assimulate the drive upstream by putting in natural predators that they were use to.  So enter the cat fish into the tanks.  The cod needed to be on their fins to have that great fresh resturant quality taste.  The moral of the story?  You need affliction to stay fresh!

second story:

The kids were begging for a pet but there are so many possible headaches, the dad wasn't keen of the idea that is until he saw the no questions asked return policy! He bought the goldfish!  The kids were so excited and what better way to celebrate than having a swimming party!  Well, ok... Dad puts the goldfish in a glass by the pool while all the litlle humans jumped into the pool. Squeals of delight filled the air that is until one looked over to the glass and there was no goldfish!  The goldfish wanted to get into the big water.  Wasn't this party for him anyways?  

Well, dad scooped up the lifeless goldfish from the bottom of the pool and headed back to the store.  Wouldn't you know, the lady that sold the goldfish to him was still there!   She forgot and asked what happened.  His reply was that the goldsifh drowned.  She didn't bat an eye.  (I have to step in here and say that I would have asked more questions or at least dropped my jaw with nothing but bug eyes!)  Moral of the story?  Don't believe all the world's splish splash.  Stay in your cup.  Believing lies could very well end your life.

third point:

Stephen Davey puts it right by descibing sin as drinking salt water.  Why?  Why?  Why?  When Living Water is so crystal clear, tastes good, and never thirst again.  Stop drinking salt water.  It will never cure your thirst.

tease me again ...

I find it hard to wake up on a Saturday and go into work but is especially hard to find waiting in my work's email inbox a message about the ever popular CFO finding out a massive tumor at the base of his neck effecting the left side of his body.  Dread evaded my heart.  The air got real thin.  He was fine just the day before.  He is very personable and finds away to tease every individual working for him in such a way that you feel important and noticed.

What do you do?

I printed out the email requesting for prayer and started to jot down requests and hopes to ask my Heavenly Father.  It helps me keep my mind focused and not sunk down in fear and frozen....

• Salvation – always God's Will

• healing here

• eyes to see the Great I AM & His Mighty Works

• journey welll this assignment

• heavily lean into Him / TRUST Him / mind stayed on Him

• run well – finish well

• Resurection Day –

Hope built on nothing less than Jesus's Blood & Righteousness

I was listening to a suffering saint a couple of weeks ago and instead of refering to Job as a source of comfort, he brought to light John 11.  Now I too seek out the eleventh chapter of John.  

v3  "Lord, the one You love is sick."

v4  When He heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will NOT end in death.  No , it is for God's Glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."

v40  Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the Glory of God?"

Come Monday when everyone finds the company wide email, I'm sure the mood will have a heavy somber to it.   Yet as long as he pestering the nurses, we back at the company will feel much better but longing to have him back teasing us all again...

✝ Resurrection Hope ✝

Blessed is the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 5:3). I heard this in a new way. It made me stop. I don't know for sure what to think but it is a promise to hold onto. If stuff is too much for me or to big for me and I am too weak or too small than all of Heaven's Kingdom is mine.... What a resource!

I've been thinking of how wounded our Lamb of God was for us … emotionally and physically … isolated from His Heavenly Father, the Burden Bearer. Jesus bore the weight of it. Then to think that He spent 3 days in hell... real hell... So that He could be worthy to bear our wounds and let us walk upright and free! I still have a long way to go to make this hope sink into my inner heart and soul.

I just heard a story of a father who just found out he had leukemia. After telling his son who was heading off to college and his wife of 30 some years, found himself that night in the dark pouring out his heart to God. "Are you going to be there to carry me through?" -was the question that gripped him. God gave him a word picture. It was Jesus picking him up and carrying him to the in zone - into victory. That was such a blessing to me and I hope for you too.  We had such a blessed hope in the Resurrection of Christ. Such promises to hold and to keep us. ✝

Bobby Socks

It is Valentines and my heart is breaking.  Fourteen years ago two little furry rat terriers came into our lives after the loss of our dear Sammy.  Fourteen months ago Bobby's brother Andy died and now Bobby.

The brown in Bobby's face was swiftly becoming white.  He was getting a bit blind.  He couldn't twirl anymore on bare flooring.  On carpet it was getting slower.  With this winter's blistering cold, he struggle to keep warm so we thought up a coat out of sweatpants legs.  Bobby was always hungry but eating seems too much.  We prayed that he could wait for spring.  I thought he was doing much better but last night I got word that he died of a heart attack.  Tink and Bobby went out to go to the bathroom.  Bobby was at the door and then he wasn't.  That quick he was gone.

Bobby was a baby always wanting to be babied.  We didn't mind.  He wanted to be petted always.  He would give you those baby eyes.  He was a worrier.  He didn't want you to forget to feed him or to give him cookies.  He always wanted to be near you.  If you were making the actions of leaving, he would take your socks and gnaw on them.  He may have sad eyes but he always had a smile.  When excited, he would twirl and twirl.

I guess him leaving right before Valentine's Day of a heart attack seems very fitting for a very loving pup.  By him always wanting your love, you could forget about the world.  You were wanted and needed.  Pretty nice.

We knew he was winding down and we were holding our breath.  Andy had a cancer inside and his leaving was very hard.  We didn't think we could go through it again.  Andy had an enduring personality.  Bobby wouldn't be able to do it nor would we be able to handle it.  God was good in taking him so quickly even with the snow being so thick.  Dad and brother was able to lay him to rest.

Mom texted me this evening saying she was missing her couch buddy and my tears welled up again.  I know like with Andy the tears will flow less and the ache mellow and the sadness is laced with happy memories and yes, you want to hold him again and to have him twirl again.... but you quiet your emotions that the God of good gifts has a grander plan than I can know.

Just maybe after all the big end of the world things happen, that when I walk out into the Heaven's grand garden and pause... there Andy will be.  One moment he is looking at me with his handsome masked face and the next he will be jumping in my arms with his kisses.  My hands will catch a firm smooth tank body with no lumps and bumps to remind me of sin's curse.  Of course there will be Bobby finally enjoying the no allergy air twirling and smiling and wanting to get on the action.  I will get down on the ground and have a good pupinator tussle getting my fill of kisses and love... continuing my rejoicing of good gifts given and taken away...

little bird, big storm ...

Bravely the little bird clung there out in the storm;

torn by each blast that was flung there,

chirped to keep himself warm;

ruffled his feathers and clung there,

till frozen and stiff it hung there,

spring came and still it swung there,

    all that was left of the storm.

by Ruth Graham Bell's Collected Poems

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I do not like this poem because it is so sad.  It is not a pretty picture.  On a normal day I would turn the page in search of a happier place but today it is exactly the words I needed to hear.

I am that bird.  I clung to my little perch.  I chirped.  I ruffled my feathers.  That storm did not care.  It took me out.  It does not matter if the storm was wrong or petty.  It does not matter if the storm is full of it's own power.  It does not matter if the storm is controlling.  It does not matter if the storm is all-consuming. I am little.  Storm is big.  Blasted, frozen, dead stiff are all consequences for thinking this was a silly little matter.  

To ultimately honor my Heavenly Father I must honor and obey my boss no matter even if she says not to sneeze.  If I cannot honor her in the littlest of matters, how can I honor her in the big matters.  How can God give me a job that I would love much better if I cannot do my currant mundane job with God-given JoY.  {sign}

I still do not like this poem but I will carry it in my heart as I go back to work tomorrow a bit more wiser, a bit more quiet, a bit more focused on my Heavenly Father.  Spring is to be full of new life not death.  I need to make it to Spring.  I choose life not death.....

I must be the bird under His Wing not the frozen bird in a winter storm.