A request came for a painted suggestion box plus an invitation to a Bible study. This invitation came at the right time and I went. I don't ever think I will find a church in today's climate. Maybe unconventional is more my style. I am shy but I just did this without thinking so as to not over think! When I walked in I felt like I was the odd person out like always but I am going to stick this one out. I want this. I need an avenue outward.
The topic was about 'Loving You'. As I looked around and took in the message, I wondered if the fellow woman where coming up empty. Their baskets are full - the have husbands and kids but maybe they are coming drained of all they are. Here I am with my empty basket - no hubs, no kids. All my energy and focus has been spent on me. It could look selfish but I have been making myself toe the line. I am a seeker, a keeper, and a learner. I may be a slow learner but none the less, I am always moving even if it is tiny steps. Woman are suppose to have a lot of words and I suppose I do but it is more inwards. Hmmm, if you were a mouse in my house you would say I was talking to myself which I do but I am doing a lot of vocal talking to God. (Blogging helps use up my words!) The short of it is that I don't think I have a problem of loving myself. Now I am not confident of my looks or myself at times. My relationship with my hair is a love hate one. So where did I end up loving myself?
I wasn't loving myself for a very long time. In the teen years I was trying to have a cheerleader's personality because everyone seemed to think shy is bad. (Wish I could tell them a think or two now!) In the 20's I was trying to be a lovable girl that some man would want. I was studying up on having a good marriage, on how to be a good wife etc. In my 30's God began to show me all about JoY and I gave up on self help books. (They are a sin.) Self help is really thumbing your nose at God and saying you can do it yourself. My 30's had a lot of growing pains but here is where I began to seek ways of putting God's Word in my life by putting special verses on 3x5's so I could mediate on them. Then I was reading a chapter of Proverbs according to the number of the day. And last May I began to read the Bible chronologically through.
'Loving You' isn't about loving myself. It is about loving God. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to love God madly and deeply but now that I have, I am excited and ready to keep this passion on fire and hot. I desire to love Him more and more. It has every thing to do with reading His Word. I can't get enough. Interesting enough the by product is loving myself. I am not perfect and I have a long way to go. I have bad moments and bad days which I fight back by digging into the Word like a soldier digs a trench for protection.
The message at the Bible study made me realize where I am in my life. I have come a ways. I have a long ways to go too. Even though I don't have hubs or ankle biters to mold me, God has cultivated me. I take great comfort in that! Taking my eyes off the message and looking around at the other girls, I am looking forward to new relationships and new encouragement adventures that God has in store ....
Thanks for sharing.
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