What seed are you?

2010 has been the year of cancer. I am surrounded and dazed. I need a way out but there is no escape. All I can do is listen.

With each announcement of the diagnosis and with each turn for the worse, I get busy with praying. I am just an observer feeling helpless on the sidelines. My deep feelings come out in liquid form even when I rest on His Promises - even when I know death will never have victory.

Through the trenches of prayer 'warrioring', God has brought hymns and scriptures to mind to boost my hope. Sometimes it comes in my daily reading of the Scriptures like I Corinthians 15:35-58. On first reading what hope is found! The wasting earthly body will be clothe with glorious immortal body. Now that is something I can shout about after seeing a believer's body succumb to the ravages of cancer. Within the anguishes of prayer I thank God for His Ultimate Design of our glorious bodies in our Everlasting Life.

With a mind that sees pictures, I paused on our earthly body as a seed sown. Aren't seeds little packages of hope and expectation? Hasn't God given us talents and gifts to use for others? Hasn't our journey been filled with hardships and pain resulting in lessons filled with treasure? Put this all together. Wouldn't all we do and all the journey lessons we have required be all neatly packaged in this seed we call our flesh? So what you put into it is what you get? What kind of seed are you? It is frighting and exciting at the same time!

As this year closes and a new one begins, I will be reflecting on little seeds. Well, more like one little seed - me! Such potential to lay this little package God-Designed seed at my Savior's feet or what if the seed doesn't germinate? Yikes! Time to embrace my gifts with more fervor and be more joyful of my journey lessons for when time is no more, this little seed sown will be revealed.... WOW!!

Happy New Year!

keep a secret ...

Sometimes I jot down what I feel is important to keep my focus on in who I am. Sometimes it stuff I have been working on over the years and other times it is new stuff to build up on the old. Here are the 10 things that keep me on my toes.

1. Smile like keeping a secret.

2. Bright eyes gladden the heart.

3. Cheery greetings.

4. Be still - listen.

5. Ask - do not tell.

6. Teach the problem not the answer.

7. Draw a picture.

8. Enjoy, Bless, Honor.

9. Talk back Truth - send Jesus to the door.

10. Walk tall because you are Loved, Protected, and Secure.

Sometimes I feel so very small and inadequate. So by writing these things down, I can drop the facade like an old heavy winter coat on a hot summer day. Oh, to be comfortable in my skin.....

Fav Hymns of 2010

*'Be Thou my Vision'

*'Under His Wings'

*'Turn Your Eyes on Jesus'

*'God's Keeping the NightWatch for You & Me'

*'Return to the Savior Who Cares'

*'Church of the Wildwood'

*'The Church Has One Foundation'

*'Jesus, I Come'

* "When We All Get To Heaven"

*'My Savior First of All'

*'I Never, No I Never, Walk Alone'

Fav Movies of 2010

***Extraordinary Measures***

***Remember Me***

***Robin Hood***

***Charlie St. Cloud***

***The Next Three Days***

I missed seeing 'Secretariat' - maybe in the new year.

Fav Words of 2010

* Mellifluous* = 1) having a smooth rich flow 2) filled with something (as honey) that sweetens
I definitely love this word. I of course love honey now that I can't have the wretched white stuff.

* Cacophonous* = marked by harsh sounds
I love compare and constrast and this word is a perfect foil to mellifluous.

* Aubergine* = eggplant
I was told this was a word for the color of eggplant. She probably found the word in a catalog. I have looked for this word in the dictionaries and I cannot find. (doesn't help if you have too many u's in the word) Another thing is that this word is a British word originating from the French. Merriam-Webster has a neat feature that speaks the word. This word was a surprise to me!

I love purple and what better word to add to my vocabulary.

I enjoyed the movie "Love Happens" where the florist was like a word gorilla. I love words and I want to put more wow in my word knowledge! Now to be sneaky and leave words for other to discover!!

I had two other words that is on some yellow sticky note somewhere. I was bad and didn't retain them in my head. I will do better!

Fav reads of 2010

* "Come Alway My Beloved" by Frances J Roberts ***Best of Show***
Love her so much I got all her books!!!! I also have been giving to the girls in my life as gifts.

* "Vinegar Boy" by Alberta Haus
It was an audio that I must find the book for. It is a fictional story taking place at the time of Jesus at the Cross.

* "God Knows My Size" by Harvey Yoder.
Another audio book.

* "Daily Light" by Jonathan Bagster
I found this devotional to something simple but powerful for family time. It could be very thought provoking for teenagers. It is total God's Word and not someone else's take on it.

* "The Last Song" by Nicholas Sparks
Sparks's best book - about a father daughter love.

* "The Lucky One" by Nicholas Sparks

* "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris
Of course the title is what drew me but I left it in the bookstore flyer until I found it at my favorite second hand shop! You could say I liked it because I have given up on getting married. I don't believe so because I do still believe in marriage so some of what Joshua purposes is hard to swallow for anyone especially those in love. What really struck home was he told both guys and girls to stop toying with each other. I totally agree. That is where the damage happens. I want to reread the book and I also want to check out his other book "Boy Meets Girl".

* "Oogy" by Larry Levin
A wonderful story about unconditional love of a dog even when mistreated.

* "Spoken from the Heart" by Laura Bush
I've started the book. It might be about Laura but also gives me a view into my Mom's world.

I am still working on the Narnia series! Yikes! On the docket is the GWB book. I also have the Kindle app so got some classics to read and others to reread.

Best Christmas Gift Ever

Death came knocking several times in the later part of this year through means of cancer. My prayers have come before the Almighty with requests of Comfort and Joy to fill the hearts of the loved ones left on this earth as the holidays have arrived.

I got to know nasty pancreatic cancer first hand when this became the journey for two believers from my childhood days. Even though I saw the wasting away of the body first hand, God brought hope to my heart trough hymns and His Word. Even though tears where in my cup, Joy bubbled up in my heart.

As Christmas neared I found the best gift ever under the tree is where the nativity is nestled. In the shadow of the manger is the Cross and beyond is Sonrise of Everlasting Life. It is a GIFT. All you have to do is receive! Amid the lost of a beloved believer I know that when all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing will be.

As I was contemplating what my itching fingers wanted to write, sad news came. My 1st grade nephew was with family saying goodbyes to his grandmotherly neighbor babysitter who was dying of cancer. It ended traumatically as she breathed her last on this earth. Earth is full of pain and lost. We are human and no matter how strong your faith is, the stuff of earth weighs us down. Through it all for the believer the Son always shines through.

Receive the Best Gift ever today and if you have Eternal Life, enjoy your Abundant Joyful Everlasting Life with childhood abandon. Guess what? The Best Christmas Ever will be that Day of Rejoicing for all believers when Jesus Christ comes back for us!!!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

iPod want...

I wanted the iPod Touch in the worse way. Could I justify getting one or was it just plain lust? If I got one, could I keep it as a tool or would it become an obsession? So I started to make a list. First glance it looks like I am stacking the deck with all pros but the negative looms large like a green monster hovering over my shoulder. I need a list of what I want so that this iPod serves my purpose and goal.

This past summer I finally got a faster internet so now the dream could happen. It is useless to have an iPod without wifi. I was feeling the pull even stronger. Interesting enough my parents where being lured in by the enticing Apple. Dad finally got tired of slow internet and bumped up to a higher speed. An Apple store opened up locally and we made the trip. I have been an Apple freak for 18 years and it was cool to see my pc parents engage the with the Apple products. Woohoo, it was like being let loose in a sweet and dark chocolate shop where you could sample to your hearts content. A few days later Dad gets Mom an early birthday gift of an iPod. Getting her set up was a nightmare and I reminded myself that it was from forgotten passwords and the new gmail password was acting up as well. Pretty sure that it wouldn't stop me.

Way before now my list was made. I listen to BBNradio.org for the great hymns and sermons. There are times when I am away and miss one of my favorite speakers. On Sundays especially I listen to Ravi Zacherias but he comes on when I need to be at Sunday School at the new church. It is much easier to download and listen to the the iPod than firing up the big iMac. Plus, I can't truly listen well when at the iMac. My eyes, ears, and mind are all over the place. I listen best when my hands are busy and the mind is free to focus on the message like when dish washing or even crocheting. Downloading to the Nano is too time consuming and by the time I would listen get to it, it would be old news. With Wifi and the iPod Touch this would fix it all right up. So what to do with the Nano? I can't just leave in crying in some dark desk drawer. I made plans to rip CDs to it monthly so it won't feel sooo lonely. I do like listening to music as I fall asleep or when trying to waking on a weekend and this brings about 7 plus CDs in a tiny space.

There are times when I have some radio difficulty and having the quick option of podcasts through the iPod Touch & Wifi makes quick work to carry and go in the all to short morning routine. That way I am not stuck to bad radio stations. Those days I can't get my BBNradio really wear me out spiritually. Anything to keep sane at work is a major plus.

I really like to write. I am a major thinker and writing is the best companion to an overworked mind. I see it as one long conversation with God. It is breathing in and exhaling. It is having things gel after a long think. It is seeking God and having Him clear things up. By the time the thoughts and meditations on the Word have gone through the long hallways of my mind and out through my fingers, I am amazed at where I am at. It is like crawling through a sewer and coming out into bright sunshine standing upright.

Now that you know how much I like to write, the question is 'will I be able to use the iPod Touch to write?' Is it going to be too awkward? Will I trip over my brain trying to touch the correct letters? Will I be to distracted by the other gadgets apps and fail at making writing a daily habit?

A deep voice from deep within shouts back that this is the perfect answer for those many moments where I wait like having the jeep serviced. Having a small handheld device would make quick work of writing, blogging, and tweeting. What about those nights right before bed when a genius thought enters the mind. No more laying there with the thought quickly fading away because I don't want to jump out of the warm comfy bed to fire up the iMac that I put to bed instead of asleep. Now this handy device muted for sleeping purposes is right there to touch pad my burning thoughts. No more excuses can be allowed for disappearing thoughts except for a wiggling temptress game app that might catch my glance as I turn into my note taking app.

I most secret love is to write out a poem because it usually comes from a broken heart and a poem mends those jagged edges. Having an iPod handy is like a bandage of healing right at my fingertips. It would be neat if I could make my own ibook where it is readable like the other ibooks but I think that is a dream. A pdf saved in ibooks comes out with tiny print and you have enlarge it to read it. Bummer.

If I can only keep from being distracted by the game and note taking apps! These are the potholes to my writing scheme. I do love how it makes life easier but oh so distracting too. Maybe the excitement will wane a bit and I can get myself under control. I could gush over the reading and the writing all day and into the night long!

There are some other features that I want to discuss. It has a speaker which is nice so one less thing to attach to it. However, it doesn't like to charge to your old but expensive ipod radios. You need an adapter. Bummer. Mom swears by the one I got for her that plugs into the wall so that you aren't always firing up the computer to charge it up. She says it only takes an hour to charge her pod up where it takes me on the computer or other device 2 to 3 hours. I will have to time her adapter! My inquiring mind wants to know.

I love my iMac dictionary and was hoping the iPod would have the same feature. It doesn't it but it is smart and once you get the hang of the help it provides, you can touch pad as quick as you can type and with correct spelling. However, it is a dance you and you have to learn your partner's move or it you send 'gobbly- gook' or like my Mom says 'afraid I send off cuss words!' You can master it if you are willing not to get mad at it first.

I love the Facetime feature. However, it is a weird too. At the beginning I would just laugh because it me it was funny. It makes me nervous too because they can SEE you. That is too wacky! I also love the chat feature. Meebo was what I chose for Mom to make it easier for her to communicate through her Facebook and email all in one place. I use Meebo too. It is easier to have one chat program than all the different apps. Plus, you have to make it easy for your parents to engage in the experience or they will just throw it out.

What that is my list and I must stick to it. An iPod must work for me and my goals. It cannot become an idol of wasted time....

my thank yous '10

*food allergies* This is my fourth year with the knowledge of where my severe headaches come from. With the elimination of these nasty food bits from my diet, not only am I free from head pain I eat healthy too. Before I think my sugar would fluctuate and I don't have those feelings of needing some sugar. Sure, it is a pain at times when dealing with people but I honestly don't miss much. In fact the sweets are kind of sickening when I think about them. *the Bible believing Baptist church that I am now attending* Wow, what a relief to be at a church where I know God's Word is preached and taught. I was beginning to worry about the state of churches in America but I know there is still a small remnant left and one is just the down the street for me to attend and to give back in. *family* I am thankful for Mom. She is a best friend too. She is always there and we have fun. I am thankful for my Dad. He is a thinker and has Wisdom. He is my covering and go to guy when I have to do guy things like taking care of the jeep. I am proud of my brothers. I love the girls who married them and for the little ones they are raising. Plus, for new life in Jaelyn who will arrive in March. I love my pups - all three hairy boys. Bobby, Andy, and Tink are sooooo adorable and very animated. They love wiggling their tails and demanding cookies from Sity (me) when I come over. They love to sit and sleep on Sunday afternoons. They miss it and get naughty when they can' have that time. God's Love Letter to me* I love His Word and it keeps me. *God working through my quiet and shy personality to guide me* I went to the wrong place to ask about fixing the exhaust on my Jeep. The guy was frustrating me and was left clueless what to do. I was there to get the tires pumped and asked the question. I was fuming while waiting for the tires to expand. I thought I was doing the right thing and even prayed about it because I was just a girl asking a grown up boy question about fixing my Jeep. It is way out of my comfort zone. I decided I would leave and not pursue it. I did have another option but I was mad because I had asked God to help me feel safe and get good answers. I had dealt with this guy before and didn't care for his style. I later had to come back to God and say thank You for taking care of me. Dad said I went to the wrong place! Whew. God made me mad so I won't do the wrong thing! ink, ink stamps, & paper punches* I love making cards even how simple I make them. They just add a special touch and I can use them over and over. I am visual and this is my new candy! Love. Love. Love. *my Mac* I have love the Mac for 18 years. It is beautiful and easy to love. I have been able to share it with my Dad this year because he is a gadget freak and is loving the Apple's iPad. He doesn't have one yet. He has been a hard sell. Too pricey he thinks but not so when you see the longevity of the product. An Apple store opened up a few towns over and it was fun to see my parents engage with the Apple toys. Tooooo cool. I have been working on Mom's emails, facebook, and iPod. Using their computer to get these fixed and connected is pure torture. Yikes, give me my Apple and I am a happy camper.

food & games ...

I was invited by the singles at church to a get together on the 12th of November. There would be food and games. I didn't have to bring anything. I knew I would go but that doesn't mean I didn't fret the whole week. I tried to sing hymns to get it out of my focus. I prayed. I didn't talk too much about it to Mom or Dad. They don't get it. In fact no one seems to get it.

Why would I be worked up? It wasn't about shyness rather it is about the 36 food allergies I carry around like a wet paper-sack treating to break at any moment. I haven't even traveled yet with these 36 food gremlins. I haven't even tested at a friend's stay over. I did test it this summer with Jill who was back from Germany. I just told her that I needed a restaurant that had American food so I could pick at it. While eating I showed her the list. She was great and she told me she was eating more healthy to keep the cholesterol down so she wouldn't have to take meds especially in a foreign land. She took it in stride. My own family tries (Mom tries) but they struggle with it. You can't begin to imagine it because you don't live it. So until you traveled down my journey, you just don't get it. Little Bro says he couldn't do it. You do when you want relief!

I didn't say anything while the girls were asking because they came at me like a group of friendly geese. I tend to work better one on one. So do I show up late and miss the food? That seemed to get more deep glares so I would go at the appointed time and hope that they didn't make to much of it.

Scurried home after work. Ate my supper. Called Mom about the turkey. Got ready. Dress to warmly! Minutes to six I headed out because the house we were going to was super close. I went over there and only a truck sat in the brightly lit drive way. I went around that neighbor twice. There had to be more cars because I didn't know the girl or her brother to well. I needed at least one of the two friendly faces before I could do this. I went back home and waited five minutes. It was already five after. So my second trip over more cars where there. Good thing because I told God if there were no more cars I was going back home and staying.

The girl's house is beauuuuuutiful!!!!! She loves roosters and geese but what was a real wow was that she had the whole collection of these 60's dishes in white and pink. My mom has three bowls in white and baby teal. I wanted to really take them out and look at them and hear the story of how she got them. Where they handed down? Or was she a collector? Hmm, story-time! I resisted the temptation because these dishes where in the kitchen where all the food was. Maybe later.

I couldn't eat any of the food which to me was great because I didn't want some of the food to ok and others not. My allergies extend to what I can drink or not drink. The only thing I can drink is coffee but I hate coffee so I only drink water. I do drink fruit juices that have no sugar or sweetener added. Got to be a label reader. Cola is out too. Coke, salad, corn casserole, garlic bread, and lasagna were the menu. Interestedly, the girl who made the corn casserole listed the ingredients out loud with no one asking. That was brilliant! I grabbed the cup with my name on it and went to the tap for some water and went to set out in the livingroom. It wasn't a set at the table kind of thing so I think that helped too. Questions did come up but I kept it simple and they let it go at that. They seemed to understand. I was gratefully relieved.

We played Apples to Apples. It is an ok game but I really come out in games like pictionary. I did show my true colors once. Well, the card was sensual and they asked who said handcuffs! I do have a cheeky side if you must know! Plus, it was the only card that fit. {wink} Ok, I did have honeymoon but handcuffs were just way better. There is a couple that comes to this and they brought their little girl. I think she is about one or so. She was great entertainment. She has a grump look that she carries around when the no is mentioned. She even warmed up to me. I got be cheeky with her too without her puckering up in a cry! She was in charge of carrying the cards to everyone. So this was a very slow game! She got in it so much that we all had a stash of cards for her to carry around. Well, I gave her one but pulled back a bit. She played along like a real champ! I like this group. I plan on trying to fit in and be apart of this group.

The next one in December is a college basketball game with pizza afterwards. This is one will be a challenge. Not sure how I would do that .. leave after the game? Take my own food? I probably won't go but because December is a crazy with birthdays....

The Next Three Days

Since I only write about movies I really like, you can already guess I will rate this pretty high - a 9 to be exact. With Russell Crowe being the lead, I can bank on a thoughtful story being told. This did not disappoint. It is an adventurous love story. It cannot be labeled as a chick flick because of the nail biting adventure but it is what this girl likes in a love story.

So answer this question: What would you do if your spouse is accused of murder? To top it off all the evidence points to her. You are sure of her innocence. You know her. She is not capable of murder. What would you do?

This movie gives you one answer. His wife is convicted and put behind bars but this does not stop him. She can't deal with so she attempts suicide and this just fuels his fire. At one prison visit his wife says she did it. (Here is my favorite part.). He looks straight into her eyes and tells her he will never ever believe that she did it. The movie shows you the hard decision of how much you are willing to do for love. Not love's first meeting but rather how you are willing to do for love that has history and a lived in feeling. Are you willing to kill for you love? Are you willing to get dirty? Are you willing to go forward without ever looking back? Mmmm, this is real love. All good stuff!

I loved how well this movie was written and played out. I love patterns which is all the math you will get out me! This movie was crafted around the power of three. Note the title and the flashes within the movie. Another little piece of interest is that the guy who played Russell Crowe's brother looks very similar making you think he is a real brother! Tell me if I am right! I like the relationship between father and son. It is strained and awkward for whatever reason but you see a father understand his son better what the son could ask for. So these are tidbits but help make the movie.

I did say this movie posed a question. I love questions and I love to flesh out an answer. So how would I answer this question? No, rather how should I answer this question. Even though I would profess deep love and would anything to preserve it, I love God more. If falsely accused and even though I would want to do as Russell Crowe, I would have to be wrongly accused and bear the punishment given with Godly love and joyful countenance. (II Cor 1:8-11)

**language & violence

church membership...

With the applications in for church membership, it would be any moment know. So on Sunday, October 31st they asked to meet with us after church. The nerves began to rattle. I promise that I was listening to the sermon but I had to jot down a few notes to keep my heart still. Then it was time to give our testimonies. I get the Bobby-shakes and was trying to control them by putting my feet firmly down on the ground and my spine firmly into the back of the chair. Oh, you want to know what the Bobby-shakes are? Well, we have three fox terriers. Bobby is one who gets super nervous and starts to shake and twirl. Well, besides trying to control my shakes and not twirling {wicked wink}, I was trying to master my voice while being totally honest. That doesn't work when I tell of my journey with God. Tears stole into my voice but their was no leakage. I get a bit feisty when my heart betrays me by making my eyes tear up. Even though I am finally ok about being single and knowing that it is God's gift to me, I find it such a betrayal that I get so emotional like I am lying. I just wanted it soooo badly - the marriage thing, the husband thing, the wife thing - I had to give it up. I had pry my grubby fingers open and keep them open. It has been quite painful - so painful that it brings it all of it back and I cannot control it. Well, that is the backdrop. What comes next was so out of character that I know it was God saying this is ok and this is the church for me.

One of the deacons who by the front cover was friendly and outgoing put me at ease by saying that he could tell that I was sensitive. The rest sort of blurred out except that he mentioned his wife was a sensitive type too. I could tell that I was in a safe place. This church was going to be alright.

That night this same friendly deacon had an order of business to present to the church. He introduced us as an 'adorable' family and recommended that we be excepted as members of the church. Hands went very quickly and there we were members. The pastors thought it funny that we were called adorable. Then reported that we would get the 'right hand of fellowship' the next Sunday. Oh dear! Not good! That means we have to get up in front of the whole church!!! I leaned over and told Mom that she is conveniently was working that Sunday. Then the pastor said it was time to handshake. Wow! There was a lot of very friendly smiles and hand pumping coming our way. I have been to friendly churches but this one tops all the others.

November 7th dawns like a day that can't make up its mind whether it wants to be cold or warm. My body works on two different temperatures like a living in one time zone and working in another. My hands are cold and very cold especially outside or still. My heart and armpits are warm and very warm especially if I am on edge which for this shy girl can be quite a lot so knowing what to wear that will be comfortable and fitting is like a mental time bomb that is ticking down. I have made a personal decision to wear a more natural deodorant that works but not as well as others might in high sweat zone so tight fitting sleeves especially for the armpits was out. Everything had to be loose and warm enough but not to boiling. So with my selection that was down. Check on the potato sack! {wink}

It was the first thing of the morning service. Dad and I walked up there. The pastor talked to Dad said some things and shook his hand. Then it was my turn. What he said to me wasn't what I expected and again I smiled inwardly as I knew it was God saying everything is all right. He said this church is here for me. He did follow it up by what I knew was important that they would be looking forward to what I would give back. I really needed a safe place. I haven't had a church to ever be that safe place for me. So I am looking forward to this. I do want to serve but more in my quiet ways. Churches have become more and more out there where I feel like an outcast. I am an introvert and I need to love God quietly and to serve quietly. I think I will be able to do it here. I know I have gone backwards when it comes to soft and quiet. I have a lot of broken places in my heart when it comes to relationships and to church. These wounds I carry just might close up and heal now!

Well, what came next was a bit wild. The pastor then said to the congregation to shake hands with us. He wanted to see how many of them could shake our hands as we went back to our seats. That was a lot of hands and smiles and warm wishes. It blew my mind! Dad being a bit cheeky told Mom that the next Sunday it would be her turn. Too funny. It got Mom a going. She didn't have to.

The next Sunday we had mailboxes and certificate of membership. Wild, but I do feel at home and welcomed.

so quiet is wrong?

We are loving the new church because it is a Bible believing church. It is amazing to be so happy every Sunday! It isn't just me, I can feel it coming from Mom & Dad too. We have been going since July and Dad is already wanting to join. So reading over the application and requirements, I got really upset to tears....

What was my Spiritual Gift? I was in a panic! Here I know myself forward, backwards, inside out, top to bottom and I don't know what part of the body of Christ I am? Not only was there panic but there was anger. The reason I know soooo much about myself that it is scary is because I am soooo quiet. Now being a QUIET means that something is wrong with you. So ever since junior high I have been trying to FIX myself. I thought cheerleading would make me louder. Well, I am glad I never got the nerve to try that. I tried out for a college play because I was in a play in junior high and maybe I could do it again. What did they ask of me? Yell so they can here in the back of the little theater. Well, I did. Surprised them but I didn't get the part. After college I poured over every reasonable self help book on marriage, personalities, etc. Since 2003 God broke me of the habit of self help and showed me God-Help. Through all my searching, I have stirred up quite a bit of heat over feeling inferior or the need to change my quiet ways.

Well, I was livid with hot tears pouring out my eyes. Once again here I was crying before bed. I did not want my spiritual gift to be nursery duty or Sunday school teaching. I made a hysterical txt to my little bro. "Your gift is encouragement. See if they have a card ministry. Your cards are great." I wanted to dance on my chair but I was at work and you know, quiet is my normal. I made a call to Mom later in the week and she came through with "God created you quiet. They cannot go against the Creator." This registered Eric Liddell's famous line "God made me fast" Again I wanted to dance on my desk this time but I was at work and you know, quiet is my normal.

So I am dragging out my very big soap box here on llj and lugging out the mammoth speakers turning the volume to deafening.
God made me quiet. God made me creative. God made me word smart and picture smart. God gave me the love language of words just like King David! God made me sensitive. God gave me an insatiable desire to learn. God made me a great listener. God made me interested in others. God made me a great wing-man. God made me an encourager. God also gave me fire. Don't dare to change that quiet in me. Nothing is wrong with me. God made me quiet.

Well, it looks like this is a place to take a breath and pause. I am not done. Surprise, Surprise! Look for another post...

I am a mixed personality but I was so gung-ho on the part I understood and really didn't pay attention to the quieter side until now. God has been stirring up things lately. The 'melancholy' side is curious. More later....

Oh, are you wondering why I got soooo huffy at the beginning of this post? The pastor is a dominant personality. It worries the quiet me. The melancholy side is getting hot and protective. The passive side has had enough after soooo many years of being a wing-man with no returns and a lot of leavers when I did finally spoke up. I am glad the pastor is a strong personality preaching the Word. That is his job. Just wanting others to except my job as a quiet sensitive encourager .... I know a lot of wind without substance. However, I have made my statement now to not backing down... ok more later!!!

strengthen by Him ...

Another believer died last Friday morning from pancreatic cancer. She is a wife and grandmother. Her husband is a big man but this is rocking him to the core. His tummy jiggles as the tears well up and his lip quivers. I have been praying hard that he finds Jesus Christ as the reason to get out of bed each day....

I am going back to II Timothy 4 for more encouragement. "At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me: I pray God that is may not be laid to their charge. But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that the message might be preached fully through me, and that all the Gentiles might hear. Also I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His Heavenly Kingdom. To Him be Glory forever and ever. Amen!" (verses 16-18) I saw this through one sick in bed but as these dear loved ones go into the Arms of Jesus, you have to see these verses through the ones left behind. If they can go on with the hearts ripped out but stand strengthened by the Great Comforter, what a message is being preached through the their songs over the storms.

I have been focusing a lot on cancer and carry through it. I am wore out. I have found myself thanking the Lord for the best gift ever - everlasting life. I am sooooo grateful that I have a God who loves me and will never leave me at my defenses. God stands with me and strengthens me!!!!! Now that is pretty AWESOME!

a Race or a Battle?

How to die from cancer or some prolonged death has been twirling around in my mind of late. (My prayer list has too many with cancer...) It is often said 'I am going to beat this thing' or 'She lost her battle with cancer.' As a believer I shutter at these words and I began to question why this wasn't sitting right with me.

In Ephesians 6:10-18 it tells us to put on the full armor of God. Why? To make a stand against the devil's schemes. This is the battle not cancer. The battle is about good vs. evil. Everlasting Life vs. everlasting death. It about keeping our faith sure and strong. No wavering. For our battle is not against flesh and blood! Doesn't this mean our battle is not against sickness or death? Cancer is a beast and so very unforgiving. We feeble humans fight cancer with poison! How whacked out is that? I just want rip at my heart and scream on the top of lungs... that is how much I feel about this.

I always need a picture to deal with life's hardships and how I am to behave as a believer. So if cancer isn't the battle what is it? and how do I deal with it victoriously? I see it like in II Timothy 4:6-8. Cancer should be a race. Well, to clarify it even more, life is a race. Cancer would be a bend or the steep incline or a chapter in the race. It is not how fast but it about the endurance. It is seeing yourself running and there in the stands are others who have endure the what you have gone through. There are family members and friends who are praying for you and holding you before God. These are the witnesses like Isaiah 43:12 talks about. ("You are My witnesses," declares the Lord "that I AM God.") I like looking up into those stands because others have endured bring Glory to God and so can I. I also have ones that are coming behind me. I must be a good witness for them. (I use this in my singleness too.) I don't focus on the stands rather that is in side vision because my focus is on the finish line where my Lord and Master is waiting with outstretched BARE Arms to welcome me. Ah, what a bear hug that will be. I smile and if there are tears it is tears of JOY. Yes, I sorrow because I am stuck here with all those human feelings of loss but I have the promise of EVERLASTING LIFE. I am all good!!!!

Paul says "For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the Crown of Righteous, which the Lord, the Righteous Judge, will reward to me on that day- and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His Appearing." ~II Timothy 4:6-8 AMEN!!!!

We have two frontlines as a believer. The battle of faith and the race of life. I feel we must keep a clear perspective of both and not mix up the sickness as the battle. Our battle is against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil .... anything that would rob us of living purely and strongly for God.

No matter what you think or even if you think a bit off my rocker, the battle is the Lord's and He is the Strong Man. Here is another picture I love... 'How can anyone enter a strong man's house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man? Then he can rob his house. He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters.' Matt 12:29-30 See Jesus Christ is my Strong Man. I send Him to the door. I know I am safe with Him..... I will not be tied up. I will run free straight into His Arms. Praise Yahweh.....

gift of mercy ...

Yikes, another believer from my childhood is nearing this life's finishing line with the same kind of cancer that Cathy died of ... pancreatic cancer. This cancer is a beast. This believer is a grandma with kids my age. Her husband is a big man but this is too much for him. His lower lip and belly quiver with grief. He does not want to let go. My heart goes out to them.

God is trying to teach something as I am trying to grasp it. I went up to see Cathy in a spur of the moment and wasn't sure what to expect. I felt awkward because Cathy was a very tired and drugged up coming back from surgery but I did come away with a better since of how to pray for the family. Praying is something I can do when all else fails me. Then I heard Chuck Swindoll talk a little about the gift of mercy and then in my Bible reading I went through Job.

What grabbed my ears when Swindoll talked about the gift of mercy was that it is displayed in someone when they are quiet and with out words at a sick bedside or a death bed. Now some people have that gift naturally but I think all believers should practice this gift. What I have going for me is that I am naturally quiet and even if I have words, I don't say them because I am very shy. What I don't have going for me is that I feel awkward and feel like a heal for not being able to put others at ease. It doesn't mean my mind is blank. It is going a mile a minute especially leading up to the moment. So maybe God is teaching me how to use my quiet for mercy...

I remember a conversation with a dear one about Job. We agreed that Job was difficult. I left it that the best part was where God is speaking at the end. That was then and this is now. So what is the purpose of Job? Job is a good read when you are sick or dying because he goes into great detail about how his body looks and how horrible he feels. You are not alone. Someone else knows just how you feel physically and even asks what you want to ask emotionally. Job is a good read if you are a friend because you know what NOT to say! Just keep your mouth shut! Job is a good read if you are a spouse and you are experiencing the second hand stress of how your spouse is hurting and you don't know what to do. Be the support and don't tell them to curse God and die. Job is not a book that stands alone. There are other passages that help us in our pain. We are richer for what Job went through but I still have questions .... which is good because my learning isn't done.

Job's misery was not due to sin. Job didn't cause his loss of family or health. You could say it was satan's doing but the real truth is that God allowed this because He knew Job and knew Job would come through this without cursing Him. So why was Job wrong? Job got a real lecture from God in the end. Yes, some of it went to his friends but God really got in Job's face. Wasn't Job just asking why (I know asking why is a huge no-no) and want to hear God? Job was simply tired of hearing silence from the God he worshipped and loved. Aren't we to make our requests to God? Doesn't David ask God in his psalms? I may still struggle with this I still hold to NOT asking why and to always sing above the storm. Praise is beautiful and God inhabits the Praise of His people. I am must trust and obey for there is no other way ...

So back to mercy... there will always be questions .... but it is a waste of time to keep harping on them. It is much better to be still, talk back God's Word for our hearts, and to sing above the storm. The battle is the Lord's. All we have to do is run our race and at the end God's Loving Arms will greet us and hold us up......

books & plants = {God Hug}

September the 4th was a perfect fall day like the ones you find in early October. The sky was a beautiful cornflower blue with fluffy white clouds that hung low enough that you felt you could actually touch them if you jumped really high. The fields of corn was already turning that dry harvest yellow way too soon from the super hot dry summer. The sun was bright. There was a slight breeze. We were traveling from home to the my college town for a funeral of a woman just eight years older than me. She belongs in my childhood memory. I remember her and her sisters and the farm house they lived in and their black and white bull dogs, Moses and Sarah. It is a good memory. I just learned of her dominion two weeks prior - her husband, her kids. I knew her race was completed and she was in the Arms of Jesus. Her wasting way had turned into a renewed beauty in total reflection of her Creator. Yet the tears were on the edges of this day. My heart was going out to the family.

I feel that a believer's funeral should be a celebration. That is what they are doing on the other side of the river! However our joy is laced with a bit of sorrow. It was a the church's gym to handle the size. The local football team showed up in their football jerseys and black dress pants to support her youngest son who is a senior at the local high school. The back wall was covered with colorful homemade cards made from her students. The kids spoke about their dear mother and about the things they would miss. There were other choice speakers who colored in her life and gave you snap shots of her journey. I began to see her as someone who didn't want the limelight and also knew how to make others feel comfortable. I saw that our lives could have been parallel but I found my life pretty lacking. I'm not the teacher I should have been. I'm not married like I would have wanted. I have no hubby or kids so my life doesn't revolve around anyone but myself. I know I should not have even compared my life to hers but I have an earth ending here and will have to be accountable to my life. I came away a bit crushed.

With my afternoon I went off to my favorite haunt the local thrift shop. I found two books that were on my want list and I was excited because it was so unexpected. Then I went to a home store to look for a string of pearls plant. I had checked back in the spring and I really didn't think I would find it. After looking and looking all over the succulent selection, I found a very tiny plant of peas. So I scooped it up with her sister string of bananas. However, string of pearls really had no root system and the dirt was bad dirt because it would get this white mold or film on the top when you watered. Well, it died and I got my money back. The string of bananas are doing great!!!! At the end of the day, I felt God was saying 'hey, you are still loved. You want to do and be better. Go for it but I love you."

Wow. My Heavenly Father knows just what I need and I didn't even ask. I was just crushed and He was there to heal. Now I can look at my life and see what I need to do without comparing. I have a story and yes, it needs some revision. I can get crack'en

It has been a while since I have blogged and I really wanted to get this out before I ventured elsewhere. I didn't want to over look His simple presence. It might seem silly that books and plants would speak but how often do we go about our business without listening ....

green peas & green bananas ...

Remember me sharing my frustration that my philodendron given my grandparents now gone being stolen from where it rested in front of my door for about 10 years now? This plant is a plant that schooled me on what it needed and when. It drupes when it needs water. It allowed me to cut it and even get starts from the cuttings. I have the baby at work but I wanted a plant at home. Instead of using a cutting from the baby, I got one at the supermarket. Some reason the leaves are turning yellow and I have NOT over watered. In fact I probably have under watered. There isn't much plant to begin with and I am down to 2 yellowing leaves and one that probably will turn yellow on me tomorrow. I watered it and put it closer to the sun. I just might end up with a naked plant!!!!

So what do I do today? I went over to Lowe's to see if they had "string of pearls". I looked earlier in the season and was disappointed. Today I was looking and looking. A store employee asked is he could help and he was quiet like he was thinking and I misread him. I went on to describe the plant. He was kind and new what I was talking about. He did go back to the greenhouse to see if he had one back there. I continued to look at all the different succulents that they did have. Guess what? I happened to spy a "string of pearls" sitting right up front! It was the only one and very few 'peas' but no matter! I want. I got! The man came back stating they had no "string of pearls" but they had a lot of the 'string of bananas". I asked him if that was what the other plants were called. Yup. He continued to stand there as I continued to look..... then he moseyed on off. I was unsure of of his presence after I paid and took my two plants to my jeep, I hoped that I didn't offend his intelligence when I was describing what I was looking for. My heart felt like skipping in a little jig but I controlled myself as I didn't want to dump the dirt. Ok, I will be truthful, I didn't want to embarrass myself. Thinking back now, I should pulled on my dancing shoes anyway!

I remember in my childhood that my Mom had a "string of pearls" plant. It looks like peas and I loved it. Funny, how growing up brings out the nostalgia! So I brought home a bit of old and a bit of new. I made new homes for them. The bananas had a lot of roots and is 'stringing' over the side of the pot. The peas really had no roots and seem to just sit together on the top of the soil. I am worried they won't grow and thrive in my home. The peas are verrrrrry green and the bananas are a lesser green. Sooooo maybe these sisters are less alike than like.

I am being adventurous with my green thumb skills. Philodendron, ivy, bamboo, string of pearls, and string of bananas fill my houseplant family to the brim ..... oh, I do have two plants in a pot out on my doorstep that I don't know the names of but they are looking beautiful after loosing leaves during the winter. I highly doubt my that I have skills with plants. They are more like teaching me what they like or dislike. Now all I have to do is listen!!!!

My Savior 1st of All ...

Psalm 17:15
As for me,
I will behold Thy Face in Righteousness:
I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with Thy Likeness.

My Savior First of All
When my lifework is ended, and I cross the swelling tide,
When the bright and glorious morning I shall see;
I shall know my Redeemer when I reach the other side,
And His smile will be the first to welcome me.

Refrain:
I shall know Him, I shall know Him,
And redeemed by His side I shall stand,
I shall know Him, I shall know Him,
By the print of the nails in His hand.

Oh, the soul-thrilling rapture when I view His blessed face,
And the luster of His kindly beaming eye;
How my full heart will praise Him for the mercy, love and grace,
That prepare for me a mansion in the sky.

Oh, the dear ones in glory, how they beckon me to come,
And our parting at the river I recall;
To the sweet vales of Eden they will sing my welcome home;
But I long to meet my Savior first of all.

Through the gates to the city in a robe of spotless white,
He will lead me where no tears will ever fall;
In the glad song of ages I shall mingle with delight;
But I long to meet my Savior first of all.
~ Francis J Crosby 1894

pain for Eternal Glory...

Cathy has her Day of Rejoicing starting at 11PM last night. She finished her race. Now her faith has become sight as she beholds her Lord, Master, Creator, King, & fellow sufferer. She can touch His Scars. Her eyes will reflect back into His the acknowledgment of mystifying pain and the transforming it can do. She will know full well that death has no victory and neither does cancer!

We who are left behind must hold to our faith and faint not. We have a race to run.

"... we know that the One who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead
will also raise us with Jesus & present us with you in His Presence.
All this is for your benefit,
so that the Grace that is reaching more & more people
may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Therefore we do not lose heart.
Though outwardly we are wasting away,
yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
For our light & momentary troubles
are achieving for us an Eternal Glory
that far outweighs them all.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen.
For what is seen is temporary,
but what is unseen is Eternal. "
~ II Cor 4: 13-18

for God so loved you ...

Dear Niece,

Guess what my dear? I have begun to read your Twilight books with the last one to go. Oh, there is a lot to chatter about!!

I get it. There is an intrigue. Something that grabs you & holds you. It has got to be the love Bella intensely feels. It is young & dangerous. It is old & wise. It is protective & fierce. It is also very illusive in human form.

I have been on the search of love. Sure, there is no ring on the finger or signatures on a contract but I have found love. It is God-Love. It is Joy. It is peace. It is comfort. It is dangerous. It is wise. It is protective. It is fierce. It is transcendent. It allows you to sing over the storms. It is hearing God singing songs of deliverance over you. It is a mysterious adventure. You must hang on!

Holding the Almighty's Hand allows your heart to overflow with God-Love. This love floats around your family & friends like a cool spring breeze fragrant with new floral scent. This love radiates from your eyes & your smile that strangers & acquaintances are surprisingly happy to catch. This love allows you to love the man of your dreams even when your prince charming is a bit froggy!

I have a book for you! The author has saturated her writings from God's Love Letter, the Bible. "Come Away My Beloved" by Frances J Roberts is very intimate & very real. For God so loved you! Grab this & let if overflow your heart.

always,
keeper

Before you freak out about me reading the Twilight books, if I had my way I would not. When your children or the children you love read these books, I think you must. Who better than me? I am an English Teacher at heart and I love getting deep with books. I also get deep with God so I can take this on only through Him.

I am very concerned about her reading these books. There are some things that I am totally shocked that an author of teenage books would put in there when we are trying to teach our teens what is socially correct or dangerous. That is one negative and the other which is no surprise is how the author makes monsters normal and ok. In fact these monsters are really demons, don't you think?

I want to know what she is thinking but I don't want to turn her off. I want to ask innocent questions and really get her to think. I am praying about this. I hope to but she is always busy in sports and rarely comes to family get-togethers.... {heavy sigh}

a day of rejoicing is coming ...

I walked into the hospital room knowing that she was nearing this life's finish line. The cancer was too beastly and too fast. She did open her eyes and spoke in very soft tones. She asked for water and I offer it to her but in the middle of her very slow first sip, her eyes closed like she dozed off. She is in a lot of pain and is on some heavy pain meds. I did hold her hand before the nurse came in to change the clear bags hanging beside her. Her husband encouraged me to talk to her but I found myself falling silent.

The woman in this bed is about 8 years older than me. She is in my childhood memories. I remember her and her sisters baby-sitting me and my brother. They had two cute black and white bull dogs called Moses and Sarah. They lived on a farm and I loved their farm house. I haven't seen her sense. My mom works at the hospital on a floor where a lot of cancer patients go when they are having a major battle with cancer and need hospital care. I happened to call mom about a birthday matter coming up and she said our family friend was back in the hospital and it was not good. I told mom I would come up.

I am sensitive and I try to put my feet in other's shoes. I knew her kids where teenagers and I can help but wonder how these kids were going to cope in the days and years ahead. This beautiful woman has a beautiful husband who talked to me so I began to ask him questions learning more about his family and even finding common bonds like going to the same college. The youngest son was playing football that night. The middle son is marrying and coming home from Chicago this month. The oldest has graduated from college and as a teaching job. She hasn't found love in college and there isn't even a boyfriend. I told her father that it was ok and he said yeah, that you might as well wait until the ONE comes and you just know. I nodded my head in agreement. .... I could now walk out of this room carrying them in my prayers and go to the mats do some major wrestling with the Lord for them.

Earlier in the day I sneaked some time to search for so balm and just happened to read Psalms 8 where it says, where it says 'what is man that you are mindful of him? and where God has made man a little lower than angels and that He gave man dominion over the works of His Hands.' This might be weird that it brought me comfort but I couldn't help but think of all the things God has given us in this life that is like a flower that flourish and passes away. This life is soooooo fragile and the gifts are soooo wonderful. Her gifts? Finding love, marrying a neat guy, having kids .... she probably has a lot more on her list...

A question sent me to wondering ... A mother with early adult children is dying. I am sure she has lots she wants to tell them. Being a daughter myself I cannot dare to go to a time where I don't have my mother to rely on.... I did have a comforting thought... The Word of God has helped me greatly and I am sure for this mother as well. She can rest assured that His Word can guide her children especially because she loved it, they will want to get closer to her by reading It and finding answers needed in today's questions and tests. I love this thought and can let out a comforted sigh...

I told mom that her hubby really loved her and you want to know how I could tell in a short amount of time? He said that finding the love of his life was the best gift Grace College have him. He also asked to hold her hand and said thank you even though it looked like she was sleeping. He has been trying hard to get her home so they can have a bedside wedding of their son today because they are unsure of how long she will be able to hold on and the wedding is schedule at the end of the month. Besides she just wants to go home to die. I don't know how this man is holding on. He did not show any tears but there was a softness around his edges and I am sure that he is putting on his strong face.

I cannot say that she lost her battle with cancer rather she is just finishing this earthy race. She is laying down this earthly mantel to put on her heavenly one called Eternal Life. She is trading in the pain and limitations to walk upright into her Heavenly Father Arms. Her own mother and father are waiting in the wings ready to welcome her home. She will truly understand that death has lost its sting where her loved ones just don't quite understand because it is so raw and painful now. All we can do is 'walk by faith not by sight.' A chorus came to my mind as I was walking and doing some heavy thinking. It brought Joy ... even in this bittersweet time. '... when we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory!'


♩♬♪♫
Sing the wondrous love of Jesus,
Sing His mercy and His grace.
In the mansions bright and blessèd
He’ll prepare for us a place.

Refrain

When we all get to Heaven,
What a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus,
We’ll sing and shout the victory!

While we walk the pilgrim pathway,
Clouds will overspread the sky;
But when traveling days are over,
Not a shadow, not a sigh.

Refrain

Let us then be true and faithful,
Trusting, serving every day;
Just one glimpse of Him in glory
Will the toils of life repay.

Refrain

Onward to the prize before us!
Soon His beauty we’ll behold;
Soon the pearly gates will open;
We shall tread the streets of gold.

Refrain♪

Words: Eliza E. Hewitt

a new church ...

If you have been reading here, you might have noticed that I have been quite unhappy with the church the family has been going too. I am happy to say that we have been checking into a local Baptist church for about a month now and last Sunday my parents said good bye to the Sunday School class my Dad has been teaching at the old place.

You can't believe how much happier we all are ... all because God's Word is preached from the pulpit!

I personally have not been satisfied with the old place for a very long time. I felt that the pastor was a false prophet and only used God's Word for his own message. I mistrust this man when he came and felt I had more knowledge of the Word than he did. It didn't help that he was about 2 years older than me. He has mistreated my little brother and my father and you just don't do that to my boys. I know my Dad really cared about the pastor like Paul for Timothy. I don't know how much damage this man did to my Dad but I think I already see the burden has vanished from my Dad's shoulders. I just feel that the time has come to brush off the sand from your sandals and get on without looking back.

I have fallen hard for nothing but the Word of God. I have got to keep from wasting any time on stuff that is not a Sure Foundation. I am shouting for Joy that I am back in a conservative Baptist church. I will continue to feast on BBNRadio.org for great food but now I can get fed on Sundays too!

Matthew 13:45-46
“Again, the kingdom of heaven
is like a merchant looking for fine pearls.
When he found one of great value,
he went away and sold everything he had
and bought it."

good fig exiled in Babylon ...

I have a story from the Old Testament that I must tell you as it has given me great hope for my own plight. This story begins with a dream. A dream given to Jeremiah by the Almighty to give hope, encouragement, and an assignment to the exiles in Babylon. Two baskets of figs placed in front of the temple of the Lord where shown to Jeremiah. One basket had verrrrrry gooooood figs, like those ripen early; the other basket had very bad figs, so bad they could not be eaten. Then God asked Jeremiah what he saw. It was God wanted the vision spoken aloud. Then the Lord explained the dream.

"Like these good figs, I regard as the good the exiles from Judah, whom I sent away from this place to the land of the Babylonians. My Eye will watch over them for their good, and I will bring them back to this land. I will build them up and not tear them down; I will plant them and not uproot them. I will give them a heart to know Me, that I am the Lord. They will be My people, and I will be their God, for they will return to Me with all their heart.

But like the bad figs, which are so bad they cannot be eaten so will I deal with Zedekiah king of Judah, his officials and the survivors from Jerusalem, whether they remain in this land or live in Egypt. I will make them abhorrent and an offense to all the kingdoms of the earth, a reproach and a byword, an object of ridicule and cursing, wherever I banish them. I will send the sword, famine, and plague against them until they are destroyed from the land I gave them and their fathers."

Then God had Jeremiah write out His letter for the surviving elders, priests, and prophets among the exiles in Babylon to read to them. Before the letter is read there is a listing of who the exiles where. What came to my eyes? The craftsmen and artisans. Now these are my kind of people. I then knew this story was for me. I must get back to what was in the letter...

To My exiles in Babylon,
Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.

Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. They are prophesying lies to you in My Name. I have not sent them.

When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill My Gracious Promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places I have banished you and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.

always your Heavenly Father

Wow! All this can be read for yourself in Jeremiah 24:1-10 and Jeremiah 29:1-23. I had to reread several times because I felt this dream was just for me. I am a craftsman and artisan. I find great joy spending time painting, looming, crocheting, cross stitching, ink stamping and paper punching. I find even more fulfillment if I can use what I do with my hands to encourage another. But I am EXILED, exiled in Babylon. I am working in cost accounting for a boss who has fits of huffing. I did not want this job but this job is of God. I am not left abandoned. I have instructions to carry out. I am to build, settle down (not complain), plant, eat from the produce, increase not decrease (increase the joy not the grief), seek peace and prosperity of the company so that I too will prosper, and close my ears to anyone who says things that are not of God (other dissenters and ill seekers). In due time my Heavenly Father will bring me back home where I live out my passion in fullness.

What is interesting is that this story is hidden behind the great verse of Jeremiah 29:11. You just can't have the great verse without the story. It makes the verse deeper and richer and makes the story real because you know it in your life. I vow never to forget this story. I wrote it down here and am trying my hand at a poem. I am going to tell this story to anyone and everyone who will hear....

a little one on the way ...

...rrrrrring.....rrrrrrrring.....rrrrrrring....

me: "Hello?"

3yo niece: "Mommy has a baby in her tummy."

Mom comes on after the little niece got tired of talking. She told me that the little niece came in the door telling her that Mommy has a baby in her tummy and Mom says "is she serious?" Niece's mom had a huge grin on her face. My mom has been waiting for this to happen for a while now. Mom is hoping for a boy to round out the little family. I don't know .... wondering if it will be a girl ... but then again a boy would carry on our name.

Mom said that before my little bro and his wife dropped off the niece that they went to their first doctor's appointment and that the niece got to hear the heart beat!! She said the baby is due March the 16th. I informed Mom that they have known for a month and half. She was a bit surprised that the little bro could keep a secret so long.

Mom called me on my google voice and did I even think to record it so that I could share my niece here for you? Nope. I shall she her on Sunday so I just might have to record her talking about the baby. I have a few ideas to keep this memento.... check back!

Charlie St. Cloud

This movie rates up as a 10 for me! The sky scapes and water scenes took my breath away. Then the topper was the story. This movie will complete my personal trilogy. See, I am a keeper, a keeper of things that are important to me. I hold on and probably to long. I never have wanted to be one who didn't say everything to someone I loved. No regrets! I think this need to hold on comes from a childhood where I never had that storybook friend like in 'Anne of Green Gables'.

'It's a Wonderful Life' begins my trilogy. It gave me value when I felt like a very small worthless college freshman. 'Remember Me' comes next with its gritty and violent portrayal of how we mess up after the lost of losing someone and forget to love and live. 'Charlie St. Cloud' is a beautiful story rounding out my personal trilogy with Charlie finding out that he has a reason to live his life without his foot in death. There is a twist so I would love to see it again for that second time and hey, how about a third time for just the viewing pleasure!

I started to read the book but saw the movie before I finished. I waited to write a review until the last pages where read. The book started out with beautiful flowing language. Even though there where God references throughout the book, God's Name was taken in vain so much so that I lost respect of the book. The movie did stray from the book but it condensed it right down to its very essence like taking one bite of just right richness of dark chocolate with a good balance of sweetness that it you were satisfied. The movie rocked and the book flopped!

In the book Charlie is 28 and Tess is somewhere around 25. The story begins with Charlie at 15 (yes, driving illegally) and Sam, his little brother is 3 years younger. In the movie Charlie is 17 at graduation and after the accident that summer you see Charlie five years later. The author didn't picture Zac Efron doing the movie partly because he thought the character as older. The author did get to meet Zac and changed his mind. I think Zac is a great choice. This is my first time seeing Zac in a movie. He did a superb job with pulling off the manly gentleness of this character which is a huge draw for me.

A silent but loud character that really took the movie was the sky and sea scapes. The sunsets where golden and breathless and the ocean bi-polar tendencies of smooth and wild just took my 'eyes' away! I am sooo visual that it made me so satisfied and hungry to see it again and again!

author thoughts:
I have this theory that a movie should follow the book. I totally flipped out over The Last Song (part 2 of 'The Last Song'). The book was sooooo good and deep and the movie messed it up. However, this time I favored the movie. I just don't get it. I am an author-wannabe and I see writing as birthing. A good author picks just the right words, the perfect scenes, and quality characters. So why would you be ok with a director taking liberties with your baby? I also see my story like a director with a movie. So why would a screen writer have to change it for the movie? I suppose I will battle this thought a lifetime!

fyi:
This is a good chick flick. Not sure what the guys would make of it.

There is sex before marriage. Yes, you can still design a movie without it even this one. Especially if you are talented.

the glut of birthday parties ...

Ok, be patient with me. It is a personal musing and wonderment about birthday parties...

I had an alone childhood where books and my bike kept me company. I have a picture of a birthday party of mine where I sat with a neighbor boy smiling with my birthday cake made by my grandmother. I think that is the only birthday party that I had where someone outside my family was there. There was no grand hoopla at my 16th even though I stupidly wished for some grand jester. As an adult I do not expect huge tidings of birthday wishes granted from friends or even the outside world. Sometimes it is even hard to get a small gesture from the bros but mama knows she must celebrate with me or I am devastated. So I do know the power of a birthday and the value it gives you when someone goes out of their way to grant birthday wishes.

I am noticing that a great deal put into birthday parties for the young these days. The internet is laced with oodles of themed birthday parties. Gone is the simple gathering of cake and ice cream and in is the grandiose themes. I am visual and I must admit that I visit daily a wedding and party blog to enjoy the many different ideas that help me be creative in my own life. It is fun and mystical. I feel that party feeds our need for adventure and celebration and creating but I think birthday parties in particular should not be sooo grand. I could be all wet, too.

I went to my nieces 3rd birthday and her parents invited over all her friends (aka kids). There where lots of presents and when the presents were opened it was like watching vultures waiting to feed on the overkill. Yes, I made my gifts and even dolled up the bag. I suppose that fed into my disgust of where the focus was. These kids weren't die hard friends. The little niece probably won't remember them as life picks up. There was so many gifts and the misbehaving vultures ... it was all toooo much. But all the young parents these days are doing these big parties and argh, I am glad that I am not a parent.

I love parties. However, for my kids I would want a more personal more family oriented birthday party. If I was to throw a kid party, I would have a summer party where no one kid got a ton of gifts over another. That way I could make sure each kid had fun and my child won't be getting all these 'toys' that they really don't need. Plus, where do you put all these gifts????

I know I am more of an introvert and covet one on one time with those I love. Big parties and tons of people make a wallflower out of me but I love the detail and fun and the hugeness of it. I love planning parties and I love attending but give me a personal birthday party any day! Shouldn't birthday parties be more cozy and personal?

wall paint ...

She loves my painting and makes requests of my work more than any other. My template is glass and dish work and any other non porous material. The paint is an acrylic glass paint that you bake to make it stick. I do venture off road a bit but not a lot because I don't want to invest in all the different forms of acrylic paint, brushes etc. I want to keep it simple.

She has a beautiful daughter full of golden brown ringlets that look all natural. Her cute daughter is turning 3 on August 3rd and for the birthday it is a 'big girl' room which the little one will not be allowed to see until Tuesday. How fun is that?! The walls are yellow on top with white panelling on the bottom. So in the corner the request is for a vine with flowers and also some by the door.

Yes, I was nervous and still nervous. She provided the bright colored wall paint and a huge dose of confidence in me. I had about couple hours in the house alone with Tyler their dog who is darling with his sad eyes and quiet stealth like moves. Up went the green vine and that was scary but I thought that any little smudge could be fixed. Then the leaves took shape. Then I tried my hand at the flowers. Whew, I just could not get the hang of the paint. The edges where rough and not taking the paint! I kept at it and broke the motto of stopping before I made a mess of it. I never used water before to control the paint. There is such a fine line when it comes to water. It helps to apply it smoothly to the wall but too much and it muddies up. Plus, I felt like I was running out of time. The hubs was to come home but I really didn't know when. I work best alone. I was getting hot and flustered.

I am home now and more nervous than before! I hope she loves it. Just don't get to close and you will see all my mistakes. I just need to let it be like my motto of stopping before I make a mess of it!!!! So I suppose it is time to close and get on with painting on white 'dream' letters so I can give them to her tomorrow.... Argh, still nervous!

UPDATE:
She called soon after I posted this entry and she ..... uh ....
loved it! Whew! She always makes me feel so good about my painting. She asked if I would do it again ... I said yes.

Paint has a personality as well as what you are painting. An artist has to artistic talent but also has to know how to marry the paint with the object. So this dabbler is still in the learning process but guess what my favorite thing to do is? LEARN!!!! woohooo!!!

a high vs the everyday ...

At the monthly Bible study I started to attend, I made an observation that bothered me greatly. I got the sense that some feel the need to have an experience with God like having a high. This drives me crazy! I do not want a 'Jesus-high'. I need Him too much in my every day. In fact He promised He would never leave me nor forsake me. I am holding Him to that.

I want Him when I am in tears over a stupid job and when I have to serve with gladness with respectful obedience to a boss who I will never make happy. If I couldn't have Jesus with me when I go to work ... well, it just wouldn't be good. I want Him in the every day moments when my brain is thinking out processes so I can talk to Him and ask questions. He has always been patient and has opened my eyes to things that only He could reveal. He showed me how to crochet because I would kept trying and would get upset and throw it down. I search and He reveals. He knows the Mysteries and will reveal when the time is right. There are a lot of everyday things I involve Him in and I have to credit all of the dot connecting to His quiet directions.

I want Him when I look out into the evening sky and see a rosie golden sky scape as the sun pulls the covers over her head and I whisper in my head the awe of His Master work. Lately His sky has been so vocal with the heat and storms that even when I fear there is much awe in the power and beauty of it all. He has little old me written in His Hands so how can He forget me? How could I ever think of only experiencing Him in some kind of magical high?

I don't want to ever think that I want to escape it all and have some mystical magic high moment with Him. Yes, there are moments when we are to run to the Fortress that is higher than I. Think about it those 'to the Fortress I run' times aren't highs but troubles. Check out Psalms 18. There is no high rather it is God working out the issues that plague me. He is in the trenches with me quivering under His Wing. I am the watcher and my heart stills it frantic beat as I watch His expert Arm defending and protecting His little one. He is right there. Always. This isn't a high but plain old everyday. I like it like that. Isn't God Awesome in His Ways and His Understandings that is greater than little I?

My life isn't made up of all trouble. There are a lot of good times too. I don't think of them as highs because most are simple things yet profound when I think deeper to His under-workings. Especially when I am troubled and dwelling in the muck, I start to pull my vision away to Him by simply telling Him what I am grateful. I love bed covers even in summer heat. I love paper & ink. I love blue and how it makes me feel. I love the bashful bold purple that feels like royalty and still has a simple gracefulness to it. I like the warm sunshine and the cooling rain in the summer. I like the bright snow and the delicate snowflake in the winter. I pick out everyday things and put them in the light and thank my Master for them right there in the moment. Wouldn't you forget all the wonderful things to thank Him for if you waited to steal away to some magical high? Wouldn't you be caught up in the moment and nothing?

I love to have the Bible near. When my life is out of whack, my only true and solid answer comes from His Word. I must make this everyday. It is a conversation and for too long it has been one sided. I want Him to do the talking too. I am tired of my voice piercing the airwaves. I must hear His Voice many times a day. Haven't you ever missed a lover's voice? Interesting that often we claim that God is silent. What a lie! His letter has 66 books filled with His Voice!

NOOOOOO high for me. I want Him everyday in the midst of my simple everyday life. I take Him at His Promise of never leaving me nor forsaking me. I have a big shoes to fill. I love Him right? He is in my everyday right? Am I dwelling in Him every moment of my day???????

a watermelon tale ...

I do not like watermelons as they are a bit too watery and doesn't have the density as their sisters, the musk melons. But having 36 food allergies, I no longer avoid this melon but I do not seek it out. My parents had a watermelon and received another one. For fear of not getting them eaten, I got the half of the old watermelon.

I finally got around to peeking under the tinfoil and used my lonely ice cream scope to take out some for a dessert. The watermelon is sweet but I could tell by the outer part that it wasn't liking the frig too much and I had better find ways to devour. I made watermelon jello last week and found it a bit bitter. I don't think it liked being pair with frozen berries or maybe it was the pineapple. Then I noticed something. I made jelly bean ice cubes to put in my two water bottles for my day with a friend on Monday because the heat index was very high like the typical days this summer. To my horror my water tasted like watermelon perfume. I wasn't happy. Here this huge half watermelon wasn't taking up a lot of space on the bottom of my frig but it was taking up air space in the freezer as well.

Last night I decided that I must get rid of this watermelon once and for all. I took out all the seeds and took it for a spin in the blender. Then I made a second batch of watermelon using grape juice and applesauce. The results were better and not bitter. I like the soft pink red hue it has. I hope this is the last of the watermelon for the year!

working for a 'huffer'

To serve with gladness has been taking a lot of trying to stand down & re-coat my back for extra ease of letting things roll off. I just cannot work in a constant state of trembling and huffing. If I wanted to work in such a place than I would be a police girl in a riot.

I had to take this job because it was offer from the same company that let me go from AP when the economy down turned. I didn't want this job but felt that God had something to this. I really want to be creative instead of being a bean counter and mastering excel sheets. I cried out to God last night on my way home and I promised that I would not think about w@(& during MY weekend.

Last week God brought me a rainbow to take the bend out of my back, this week it is a new favorite book that I happened to get on Monday when I took a day off to visit with a friend who is back from Germany. (this day off made me work 40hrs in 4 days to try to keep the boss happy with no luck.) The book is "Come Away My Beloved" by Frances J. Roberts. It is written as God talking to you. I am eating it up!

This is what I am dwelling on today:
Safety in God's Will
My Will is not a place, but a condition. Do not ask Me WHERE or WHEN, but ask Me HOW. You will discover blessing in every place, and any place, if thy spirit is in tune with Me. No place nor time is more hallow than another when ye are truly in love with Me.

I direct every motion in thy life, as the ocean bears a ship. Your will and intelligence may be at the helm, but divine providence and sovereignty are stronger forces. Ye can trust Me, knowing that any pressure that I bring to bear upon thy life is initiated by My Love, and I will not do this except as ye are willing and desire.

Many a ship has sailed from port to port with no interference by Me, because Strong Will has been at the wheel. Multitudes of pleasure cruises go merrily in their ways, untouched by the Power of My Hand.

But ye have put thy life into My Keeping, and because ye are depending on Me for guidance and direction, I shall give it. Move on steadily, and know that the waters that carry thee are the waters of My Love and My Kindness, and I shall keep thee on the right course.

Wow! I have found a new favorite book and author and want to get all of her books. What a blessing to dear broken and weary heart.

treasuring up wrath or Joy ...

I love contrasts because it gives depth. Contrasts moves an issue from 2D to 3D. For me the back of my neck bristles with excitement when contrasts present itself. I become spellbound. Well, I have to share my latest find!

It is about treasuring.

Romans 2:5
But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed.

vs.

Matthew 6:19-21
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

The skinny: What your treasure?
stubbornness, unrepentant heart, wrath or love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

Just a little something to get into ....

out of life's storms & into Thy Calm ...

I heard this song play on BBNRadio.org yesterday afternoon and I wanted to reacquaint myself with this old hymn. The right words at the right time kind of moment lets my heart uncurl from the tight ball of anger and brokenness that had taken hold. A breeze was in the air taking me to Jesus ....


Jesus, I come
Out of my bondage, sorrow, and night,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into Thy freedom, gladness, and light,
Jesus, I come to Thee;
Out of my sickness, into Thy health,
Out of my want and into Thy wealth,
Out of my sin and into Thyself,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of my shameful failure and loss,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into the glorious gain of Thy cross,
Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of earth’s sorrows into Thy balm,
Out of life’s storms and into Thy calm,
Out of distress to jubilant psalm,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of unrest and arrogant pride,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into Thy blessèd will to abide,
Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of myself to dwell in Thy love,
Out of despair into raptures above,
Upward for aye on wings like a dove,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of the fear and dread of the tomb,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into the joy and light of Thy throne,
Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of the depths of ruin untold,
Into the peace of Thy sheltering fold,
Ever Thy glorious face to behold,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Words: William T. Sleeper, in Gospel Hymns No. 5, 1887.
Music: George C. Stebbins (MI DI, score).

rainbow promise ...

I just have been having a hard time liking my work and it has gotten sooooo much worse. When I take a day off, then the next day is a nightmare. I try to do my best and every time I make a mistake, i can feel my will get defiant and stand up with arms cross. It takes me a long time to get my will to stand down.

I can't figure out the headaches. What am I allergic too now? Then I have a pain in my neck high up in my head. Can't figure that out either. So when I mad a grocery run, the raindrops began to fall on the steamy earth. I was hoping they would wait because I wasn't sure if they were going to get violent. Mr. Sun kept shining and wouldn't let the raindrops turn black. I walk out of store with my food and was kissed by wet liquid sunshine. Guess what? There in the cloudy blue sky was a rainbow arcing from one side then getting lost in blue cotton candy clouds but reappearing on the other side. My heart jumped for joy! It was like God straightening out my bent back and shored up my broken heart. I know where to put my focus but sometimes I need a lift...

My Heavenly Father loves me!!!!!! What Joy!!!!

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee;
and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee;
when thou walkest through the fire thou shalt not be burned;
neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
Isaiah 43:2

prayer beeper ...

Because I live alone and because I am a girl who needs to get her talking in even though I am typically a shy quiet person, I find it easy to talk to God especially in my alone moments. However, when I pray for someone, I find it very awkward to tell someone that I prayed for them.

I have to share a story Joni Eareckson Tada had on her program, Joni and Friends. A man had who was paralyzed for a short period of time (can't remember the name of his condition) requested prayer from all of his friends. This man's best friend went a step further and got a pager. He had the friends send a page to the beeper when they prayed for the paralyzed man. It was a huge blessing and great encouragement to hear that beeper go off many times an hour and even in the night. He knew the there were people around the world praying. It was a delightful story for me and got me to thinking .... even Joni challenged the listeners to text the ones they lifted in prayer.

I am still thinking because I don't want to come off pretentious or awkward.... I often wonder at the power of prayer and I don't think I will fully understand until Jesus pulls back the veil. I personally not sure that I have felt prayers of others.... like some say they have.... a big mystery to me....

I should do some clarifying. I have felt my own prayers. It is like a lesson from the one room school days. I am up front reciting (talking back) God's Word that I have hid in my heart. I can see parallels and opposites. I find dots to connect. I come away encouraged - His Words and Promises have that way about them.... No, I am not saying my prayer is more powerful than someone praying for me but rather the act of praying shores up my feeble faith and heartbreak. It is the act of crying out before the King of kings and knowing He bends down and takes me in His Arms and calms my fears ..

Francois Fenelon, a seventeenth-century Roman Catholic Frenchman, said this about prayer:

Tell God all that is in your heart, as one unloads one's heart, its pleasures and its pain, to a dear friend. Tell Him your troubles, that He may comfort you; tell Him your joys, that He may sober them; tell Him your longings, that He may purify them; tell Him your dislikes, that He may help you to conquer them; talk to Him of your temptations, that He may shield you from them; show Him the wounds of your heart, that He may heal them; lay bare your indifference to good, your depraved tastes for evil, your instability. Tell Him how self-love makes you unjust to others, how vanity tempts you to be insincere, how pride disguises you to yourself and others.

If you thus pour out all your weaknesses, needs, troubles, there will be no lack of what to say. You will never exhaust the subject. It is continually being renewed. People who have no secrets from each other never want for subject of conversation. They do not weigh their words, for there is nothing to be held back; neither do they seek for something to say. They talk out of the abundance of the heart, without consideration they say just what they think.


Daily Light : EVENING

We made our prayer unto our God, and set a watch against them.

Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation. -- Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving. -- Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: whom resist stedfast in the faith.

Why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say? -- Be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

NEH. 4:9. Matt. 26:41. -Co1. 4:2. I Pet. 5:7-9. Luke 6:46. Jas. 1:22. Exo. 14:15. Phi. 4:6,7.

no self love!!!

Last week I got bombarded with this concept of that there should be no focus on self love in a believer's life. I don't have this notion and it wasn't even on the radar! Then boom. It did take me back to the first Bible study session this year where the speaker did talk about you had to love yourself before you can love another. I didn't get much from this talk because what was coming to me was a review of where I had been sort of like my spiritual life playing out before my eyes. It was like 'wow, you've come along way but you do have more to go because you want to keep falling in love with God.' My journey contained no self love. That wasn't the focus. I just chalked it up that I came a different route.

Then this past week I get all these passages in the Bible where it kicks this notion that you have -to have self love to be able to love others- to the curb! Uh oh! Now what am I going to do? Do I say something to the Bible teacher? I am very defensive when it comes to the Truth. First step was just to come here and hash it out and let my mind chew on it.

Elizabeth Elliott used these two verses:
Ephesians 4: 22-24
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

II Timothy 3:1-7
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.

Pastor Lutzer used this one:
Romans 15:1-3
We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: "The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me."

There is just no standing for loving yourself in order to love others. No truth in it. It is time to throw off my old self which I feel that I have. I have done so by getting onto solid ground. I always thought I was on solid ground but when you live duplicitously, things get messed up quick. I began to talk back scripture and got to really seeking God in His Own Words. No more shifting sands. It has to be solid truth. The basic vocation of a believer is to trust and obey. When I do that, I show love to God. The new self becomes more full bloom. Love for others bubbles over from God's Love....

Hmmm, now how do I go about telling the truth about this????

patriotic for the Kingdom ...

I am a bit of a patriotic junkie. I like the flag and the story behind the flag. Every time the National Anthem plays, I am taken back to seeing the ripped and torn flag still there. My favorite decorating color is blue and from my teaching days the red apples combined to a patriotic living room with the flag and stars being the main feature. I love the rich bold colors and I enjoy wearing them too. I love the history and I tear up on the dedication given with sweat and lives.

I have been thinking about my patriotism for my real homeland because I am just passing through this one. Am I patriotic of the Kingdom of God? Is being patriotic for the Kingdom of God shown in my desire to win souls for Christ?

Every time I see my fellow man striving after worldly things that do not satisfy or when they are in the midst of trouble, all I can think about is how are they surviving without the Hand of God guiding them in the sorrows?

{sighs}

I see treasure stored in heaven as people... but being the witness has been a daily lesson that I get so discourage with.... I am to be the salt and light here... I am the raiment left ... saving America (and the world) from the end times ... am I making a difference? Once the salt is gone... woe to the world....

As I add more numbers to my days, the patriotism for America dims (and yes, heightens for Americans to get right with God), my patriotism for Christ and His Kingdom grows. I see that as a right of passage for the believer who is growing in Christ. I smile at that... especially after having a discussion with an Australian believer over patriotism. I had a lot of love for my country and was convicted and wasn't sure how to convert it to love for my homeland, Heaven. It all stems from falling in Love with Christ Jesus and the Word of God.... It comes! It helps too (sadly) that American has fallen away from her roots. Our country isn't under God anymore and I weep for the promise that we have broken on our part.... I have a promise to keep.... I must be the salt worthy to flavor and influence my place here while passing through....