Me thinks a depressed state has come over me again. This time around it feels different. Anger isn't in the mixed just pure dejection. I feel more like a zombie. I still have my dreams but because there has been a no or even a wait, I have nothing to live for. There is no motivation to organize my home or even write. It does amaze me that I do put words down and maybe complete a glass for someone, but it is oh, well. I think it has to do with what is in the future. I know it is not helpful so I avoid thinking down the road.
It is a battle of knowing I am fearfully and wonderfully made, knowing God has a purpose for me and yet wondering what it could be. It is a battle of knowing I am not alone because God is Ever-Constant and is One who I can lean on only and always. It is knowing too that I feel very alone. I also get frustrated when others do come around and waste on me. It is a battle and words of those around me won't really help. It is a battle between me and God.
Hmm, I better be truthful. There is a anger over the no/wait. What purpose is there me to fight? If I could just give up and lean! {signing smile}
No comments:
Post a Comment