spilt corn ...

I got off a bit early to go check out a stereo system since the old one refuses to play my cd's. I've been battling it out whether I should or should not get a new one. Besides that my mind has been in a whirl because of another dilemma requiring help and funds to make it happen. I had taken a country road where up ahead I see farmers bringing in the corn. On the edge of the road is some spilt corn. Immediately my penny-pinching self begins to wonder what the head farmer had said that morning about precious yellow spills. Is he counting the $ signs of loss? Then my reasonable sane side believes this is the way God feeds the birds of the air. Think of it as the farmer being a part of God's bigger picture.

Then today in my Bible verses for 30 days of Gratitude I read Matthew 6:26 ...

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

... which reminds me that even though I was crying out with all my worry of making good decisions and frustration of having to go it alone all my life, God is MINDFUL of me. God may have not calmed me until I related His Care (matt6:26) with the spilt corn.

My worry about being wise about the stereo system will play out on Saturday to see if the Auction will cover the cost so in the meantime I will meditate on the sparrow and pray. But the other worry is about putting holes in glass bottles and glass blocks for a painted project I have brewing. There has been a nudge of help. Just what I needed. No, I still may decide that I alone won't be able to accomplish this and nix the idea or with the wonderful help from a co-worker who really stepped up and ventured drilling holes in the practice glass I so happened to bring in today, I can finish these bottles and see if they bring in some cash to try drilling on my own. This project is way out of my league, but if I want this I know I will have to depend on self alone.

Through my dilemmas I know my behavior pattern. I over stress on the money and on which way I should go. Is it really important enough for God attention? Then I realize with a sinking feeling that all of it dances on the one last super frayed ouchie that I must always do it ALONE. It just won't heal. It is fine if I can do it but when the risk is high and the worth might be zero, it is too much. I do realize that even if I had a teammate in the form of a husband there would be other issues to deal with like 'no, you can't' or 'no, I won't help'. What I find myself doing is asking God to come with me. I invite Him to shine some light. Be my husbandman. Of course, He always steps up to the plate because He loves me and He loves to take care of me.

Thank You for spilt corn on the edge of the road for Your dear sparrows. Oh, how You value little 'ol me.