give it right back …

You know that advise given for those cantankerous people you have to deal  with?  "You have to give it right back.  Don't let them get you."  I heard this said today from a coworker whose boss told her how to deal with a less than nice fellow employee.  So I began to think about that advise.

So I am to dish it back like I was given?  Wouldn't I take on the nastiness?  Wouldn't that fester and erode my Joy and genthle quiet spirit?  It is not Biblical to dish back what I have received.  It sounds to much like exacting judgement and harboring evil --  No-Nos straight from the Great Book.

No, you don't let them get you but you don't let them drag you into retaliation no matter how deserving they are.  Do it God's Way and keep your head low for "whosoever digs a hole & scoops it out falls into his own pit. The trouble he causes recoils upon himself…" Psalms 7:-5-16  So instead of scooping out, pour kindness over them.  You are beyond the pit lifestyle.

expectation ...

You know there are some words that we use that if we were really honest we really don't know the meaning.  Sometimes I ask God to help me with a word so I can be more deliberate with my definition.  So what is the word?  expectation.

Live long enough and you realize that having expectations of people is really you trying to control them and when they fail, you're heart breaks by your own hand as you blame them.  Then you swear you won't ever trust another human being.  Yet, I believe you should have expectation in life but it must be directed towards God and it has to be empty of your own directives.

It is being that wide eyed child expecting only that God is Good and Sovereign.  The only two questions allowed to utter is what good will God provide me today? and how will God transform me today? then sit back and wait on Him to surprize you. The answers will at times involve pain but He is very trustworthy and loves us greatly.  Your answer back to your Heavenly Father is Joy and Thanksgiving...  by doing so you avoid a lot of disappointment.

I long for simple black and white child like faith in my grey adult world.  Keeping my expectations hidden in His Capable Hands allows my inner child to come out to play and enjoy life fully and feel pain deeper yet without drowning.  

As I lay my head on my pillow tonight, I will delightfully recount my many blessings and take notice of His Touch on my life as He makes me more like Him... 

Great is Thy Faithfulness 

moment by moment 

new mercies I see

all that I have need of 

Thy Hand hasth provided 

Great is Thy Faithfulness 

small world ...

My world is a small one and I am a deep soul.  Get too many people in my sphere, I heat up and my battery drains just like an iPhone hitting a glitch.  I like people when they get annimated and I feel deeply when they bare their souls.  When they feel safe in my presence, I'm good but when they have their hand out or just blantly take like it is owned to them, I shrink away.

Even though I have been having some good work days of late, I have a definate week cycle.  It gets more pronouced when the heat is on like the past couple of days.  I work all week to have a calm quiet Friday and it seems everyone else crams all the work on Fridays.  I came home so defeated that all I want to do is roll into a ball and hide in some dark place where no one can find me.  I could never go out on the town on a Friday night.  I think it would be a deadly combination.  

Anyways I am just no good after a normal day's work.  I'm worse than no good after a hard week.  I can't do all things.  I can't be all things to all people.  I am a very simple person on top of being too deep for my own good.  I'm not like anyone else you've met.  

In plain words don't make me feel guilty for having a small world... it makes my worse day worst.  

{Sigh} Two rants in one week!  The guilt has overshadowed my whole week and when I look ahead, I dread more guilt.  If the swelling balloon, can't have a slow leak, it will pop in fragmented fly away pieces.  I need to find some fun or dive into a passion and get lost in it for awhile.

Good Night!  Off to roll into a ball and be out like a light!  Sweet dreams be true...

an introvert rant...

I could scream on the top of my lungs and sadly that would not be very introvert like... and at this point I would almost do anything to stop the high octive continuous rant that is blowing part my mind space.  

There are two things that fires me up to meltdown mode.  One is trying to set me up on a date and the other is to shame my introvertive ways.  Guilt me and I will relentlously resist.  So stop already.

Let me say it again and let me be very clear.  Being an introvert is not about being unfriendly or antisocial rather it is how one charges it batteries.  It is about how one is filled, how one is exhausted, how one is energized, and how one is depleated.  

I am gladly an introvert.  I am friendly but in a quiet manor.  I cannot deal with huge groups nor the small group.  I work best one on one.  I am a great listnener and have a huge reserve of empathy.  I am an observer.  I am active but more behind the scene.  Not only am I socially an introvert but I am scholarly an introvert which means I am a self learner or self taught.  I don't like to learn in groups.  If I need to express, it has to be one on one of here on my blog or in prayer with God.  

I know that God wants us gather together and to love one another but I never felt good about youth groups or sunday schools or singles groups or even Bible studies.  I am tired of coming home more agitated than peaceful.  {huge sigh} 

Are you saying I have to go to sunday school to perfer one another?  Do I serve in the nursery to care for one another?  Do I need to serve as a finacial secretary even though I hate money to love one another?  Please stop making me feel bad.  I beg for mercy.... or do I relent....

two fish stories & a thought ...

    It has been a couple of weeks since I heard these stories so I had better put them down to the best of my memoriy real quick like!

first story:

Cod fisheries were trying to raise cod in a control setting but when they brought them to the resturants the taste quality was like day old and not fresh.  They began to realize that they needed to assimulate the drive upstream by putting in natural predators that they were use to.  So enter the cat fish into the tanks.  The cod needed to be on their fins to have that great fresh resturant quality taste.  The moral of the story?  You need affliction to stay fresh!

second story:

The kids were begging for a pet but there are so many possible headaches, the dad wasn't keen of the idea that is until he saw the no questions asked return policy! He bought the goldfish!  The kids were so excited and what better way to celebrate than having a swimming party!  Well, ok... Dad puts the goldfish in a glass by the pool while all the litlle humans jumped into the pool. Squeals of delight filled the air that is until one looked over to the glass and there was no goldfish!  The goldfish wanted to get into the big water.  Wasn't this party for him anyways?  

Well, dad scooped up the lifeless goldfish from the bottom of the pool and headed back to the store.  Wouldn't you know, the lady that sold the goldfish to him was still there!   She forgot and asked what happened.  His reply was that the goldsifh drowned.  She didn't bat an eye.  (I have to step in here and say that I would have asked more questions or at least dropped my jaw with nothing but bug eyes!)  Moral of the story?  Don't believe all the world's splish splash.  Stay in your cup.  Believing lies could very well end your life.

third point:

Stephen Davey puts it right by descibing sin as drinking salt water.  Why?  Why?  Why?  When Living Water is so crystal clear, tastes good, and never thirst again.  Stop drinking salt water.  It will never cure your thirst.

tease me again ...

I find it hard to wake up on a Saturday and go into work but is especially hard to find waiting in my work's email inbox a message about the ever popular CFO finding out a massive tumor at the base of his neck effecting the left side of his body.  Dread evaded my heart.  The air got real thin.  He was fine just the day before.  He is very personable and finds away to tease every individual working for him in such a way that you feel important and noticed.

What do you do?

I printed out the email requesting for prayer and started to jot down requests and hopes to ask my Heavenly Father.  It helps me keep my mind focused and not sunk down in fear and frozen....

• Salvation – always God's Will

• healing here

• eyes to see the Great I AM & His Mighty Works

• journey welll this assignment

• heavily lean into Him / TRUST Him / mind stayed on Him

• run well – finish well

• Resurection Day –

Hope built on nothing less than Jesus's Blood & Righteousness

I was listening to a suffering saint a couple of weeks ago and instead of refering to Job as a source of comfort, he brought to light John 11.  Now I too seek out the eleventh chapter of John.  

v3  "Lord, the one You love is sick."

v4  When He heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will NOT end in death.  No , it is for God's Glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."

v40  Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the Glory of God?"

Come Monday when everyone finds the company wide email, I'm sure the mood will have a heavy somber to it.   Yet as long as he pestering the nurses, we back at the company will feel much better but longing to have him back teasing us all again...