I didn't always feel like that. My little girl dreams always had a home. It just was a matter of fact. That is what adults do. They have a family and a family home. They had a patch of land and of course, a picket fence. Don't forget the pups.
Whoa! My life hasn't ended up that way. I have a single life and lifestyle. I have just gotten to a place where I feel the money is just right. I'm not scraping the barrel. The groceries and the gas has gone up and yet I feel that for the most part that I can get by ok. Yet with the rumors and the uneasiness out there, it is nice to have a cushion. I feel like I have that. Yes, I like to shop and my weekly shopping excursions are my only dependable social entertainment. Of course, I not afraid to spend even though I do pretty well at pinching pennies. I have this new feeling of being able to give money to God above and beyond my tithe. I like this feeling a lot. I don't want to go back. I can't go back.
I am also feeling that Jesus is coming back soon. Do I really need a house? Why sock money into a house when that money could have a better use. But then again, I don't know the time. This world could have a few more spins around the dial even though there is a lot of shaking and rattling. It just isn't the waters and earth giving way but governments, housing, gas, and the economies. No body or country is immune.
I may be hitting the mid life crisis zone but I look young and feeeeeeeeeeeeel like a little girl. Buying a house all by my lonesome is sooooooo out of my league! I admit I am a shy one maybe not so much in my writing, but have a quiet personality and it suits me just right. It is what makes me a goooood listener but when I have something to say aloud, I'm usually not heard or they put their own spin on what they think I am or on what I say. I may be a first born and forge ahead on my own leaving the herds behind, but I have this strong wingman trait and it does NOT like to be a sole pilot in such huge endeavors. Help! This is way too much for me.
Like I said I am single and if I set down roots in brick and mortar then there are no more dreams of wings. I have friends to the west and a couple of friends in other countries. It would be cool to go see them if I could muster up strength in my wings. I do admit that making a home out of a house is a dream too. I love house magazines and blogs for color schemes, storage ideas, and layouts. Having it become a reality is a bit scary. I will have to make a go on my ideas and supposed talent. I know I could never have a dream house, the house must it meet it in a general sense because this house will have to do until the end of my days.
Things have been getting a bit dicey here in my apartment building. Had a bad neighbor in December and things were getting bad. I also deal with cigarette smoke getting into my home and I am allergic to it. Then the apartment dweller below like to leave his bathroom fan on for weeks at a time and I can't stand unnecessary noise. Besides being a crafter makes my little dwelling even smaller. It would be nice to stretch out a bit.
My coworker who has been searching for house herself found me a house she thinks has my name all over it. Argh! So far she is right! It is a condo with a garage. It has a place for a library!!! Something I have dreamed about. The basement is finished so it would take the place of having a cute upper floor. I could see a craft room downstairs. What topped it off because it was unexpected but right down my alley was the flag pole out front.
I need to get my brain and heart under the Great Shepherd's care. The future can keep. I must trade in the fear for trust and obedience. God has proven Himself. He has never forsaken me. Not only has He been there in the little everyday things but He helped my parents with their house and He answered a big prayer of mine. I cannot forget these answered prayers not only because they were huge but also because they are small and everyday. He has been the Partner and the Pilot and I have been treating Him as such. I bring things to Him. I need to let Him drive this adventure and I just relax and go for the ride. If I push or even if I pull (can't believe I just said pull but it is true - I can't pull back), I would usurp God's hold on my life.
Keep me safe, O God,
for in You I take refuge.
I said to the Lord,
"You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing."
~ Psalms 16: 1&2
Dear Heavenly Father,
I am going to share with my parents my feelings so that they know my fears but I will also show my Dad the link to that condo. Most importantly You know my fears and dreams. You know my personality and You know what I can handle. This house might not even by mine. You will be there in pain and in
happiness. Your Presence is fullness of JOY. I must stay in Your Arms. I am here for the ride. I am putting in place Your Words to keep my mind stayed on You. Thank You for keeping me.always,
keeper
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