I still have joy and I still have my lows but I have this feeling of being void or numb. I am always close to tears and feeling like I am stuck on this mouse wheel going no where. I've been looking back over my very dull year and wondering where the real highs were. There is no romance, no stimulating mind convos, no healthy social stimuli, and my passions seemed grounded upable to fly.
There I am willing myself not to cry as I have my head buried in my bed looking over my past and wondering about the future. Today leaving work I was crying. I am glad to have my job and I know every job has it bad sides but I am on this wheel and I can't get off! I would rather be at home being creative. I have got to stop waiting for someone to do life with. I also got to do something or I will be knocking on death's door with a boring life attached to my backside. I want morrrrre.
So as I was searching through what I call my life, I stumbled upon this quote: Live the life you imagined. Maybe there is something to this. So as I close out this year, I will be seeking to really live in 2008.
What is do I imagine for me? Do you really want to jump into my dark mind?
Here is a list of beginnings that I really need to follow through...
*writer - get back to being a poet, practise my story telling, really begin that book
*painter - step beyond the HT books and find my own style
*a creative - allow this child to really play in every part of my life
*organizer - let lose and really hone my home to be sleek and cozy too
*walker, dancer, 'weighter' - to feel good inside my body
*crackfiller - to be generous with my love
*joyful - training every part of me to seek Joy and be Joyful above all else
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