I was sitting there doing my work listening to Steven Davey on the radio speak of Joseph and how he dealt with being in prison and with the betrayal of his brothers. Now Joseph is placed in Egypt taking care of the food provisions during the 7 years of famine that he predicted in the dream God had given the Egyptian king, when his brothers come to seek food. Joseph knew them straight away. They did not know this him as a clean shaved Egyptian dressed official. He never came out and told them off. He was in the position of power. He could have made their lives pay triple for the things they had done to him. Rather he chose to be very gracious in his dealings. I am sure those brothers felt very uncomfortable with this ‘stranger’ knowing ways like when Joseph invited them to eat. The seating arrangement was in the birth order. Oh, how they must have squirmed! There were several times Joseph had tears consume him where he had to excuse himself. When he finally revealed who he was, he hugged them in a bear hug and wept over them. What an act of forgiveness!!
I felt God tap me. I had someone very dear – like family dear – decide to rid himself of me. I have had many feelings – some of frustration, some of pain, yes, some anger. I often wonder how I would react if I could just capture his attention...
This past year I have grappled with my anger. Through it all I have learned more about myself. I know mentally what I need to do. I know in my heart how I do feel about him. I still like him. I don’t think there is anger. Sadness is still there. Wonderings are still there. A couple of weeks ago, I felt God say ‘keep an expectant heart’. No, not that he will come back but of the workings God has for my path. Looking at His nudges, sure there is always a possibility of him coming back into my life. So what will I do about it?
I want to act like Joseph. Like my prayers during our 3.75 years, I always acknowledged God’s hand in us. The time in my ‘aloneness prison’ has God’s hand in it. It isn’t about my lack of value in another’s life. It isn’t about rejection. Rather it is about God’s hand on satisfying my needs and yes, his needs too in His perfect time. I must act like Joseph. I must walk as if on hollowed ground because IT IS!!
Heavenly Father of Joseph,
I again am awed by how Your master plan is working the best when all seems lost on our human level. Oh, how devalued (plutoed) Joseph must have felt when his own flesh and blood tore his coat and sold him as a slave! Oh, how Joseph must have felt when he chose to flee the boss’s wife and her advancements only to end up in prison. Oh, how Joseph must have felt when he asked his prison mates to remember him when they were freed after interpreting their dreams. All of these ‘dead ends’ was the act of You setting into motion a way to care for Your chosen people. Joseph was the keeper of Your Master Plan. To even grasp that honor, just blows me away!
I want to keep this forefront. ‘You are before all things’ even at human level dead ends. ‘And in You all things HOLD together.’ (col 1:17) When everything is wrong and I can’t help but thing that it can’t get any worse, I want to remember You work best in these moments. My hope is in You ALONE. (Ps 62:1-2)
I want to be a Joseph when I need to forgive. I need Your help as I figure out my depths, my service, my rhythm and how I begin and maintain interactions with others. How does this fit in? I am expectant …. Thank You for Joseph. Thank You for my path and the mystery You placed there…
~ always Your child chosen
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