etiquette ...

“Would you have a baby shower for me?” He asked his sister.

Baby showers are given by the new mother-to-be’s friend much similar as with a wedding shower.

”Here is list of 47 people we would like to have at our baby shower.”

Whoa! Way toooooo long! Remember the food costs. Invitation costs. Stamp costs. If you send out RSVP’s, there is an additional cost of the stamp provided. Where will people sit and will they be comfortable?

”We want to invite our co-workers, people from church, and the girls at her hair place.”

These people tend to have showers for you. They know you are having a baby and if there is no shower and they want to give you a gift, they will.

”I am going to invite her co-workers over.”

Uh no! What is your real intent? For them to come over and have fun or for them to give you presents? Even if your intent is good, the behavior screams ‘give me, give me.’ A baby shower is a gift in itself.

“I am going to have her ask the church ladies to have a shower for us.”

Good luck at pulling that off with out looking like your hand is out! Shame on you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is mainly a warning for the twenty-somethings to watch out for their wants and going online for proof that the way you go about getting what they want is ok. The web will prove that any behavior is ok. There is something quite wrong with the generation coming and how they tackle their wants. I saw this as I was researching baby shower etiquette.

First I was floored by the questions and behaviors asked of her. And then to search the web for the correct etiquette was another shock. I could prove all the above using the web. My gut was saying no way. I yelling stick with ‘old paths.’

The list is down to a more manageable number. He can no longer tell her how to run the show. It is hers now and is suppose to be a gift.

I have no clue why these notions are in his head. They were born of the same family but a generation apart. She was not born in the midst of the web age and he was. I think this is where the fault line runs. New generations what new paths. They want new ideas. Each new generation goes through that but they do come to realize that old paths are old and worn because it works.

God Provides … not man … and definitely not when man strives so hard…

Stand at the crossroads & look
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is & walk in it
& you will find rest for your souls.
~Jeremiah 6:16

picking up & leaving out ...

“Why can’t we pick up where we left off? I always have to start at the beginning with you,” he said.

“I am not the same person as I was yesterday or the day before. I don’t like long distances of time if this is to be an important or deep friendship. I am always grasping for new knowledge. I get excited about new things whether it is as simple as a morning sunrise that had me in awe or if I finally cracked open a tiny bit of a mystery I am experiencing. I like to tell someone. I like to tell someone who is knows me and knows my journey, someone who ENJOYS that excitement in me over silly new things. Time off pours over the depth we have. My soul interrupts it as you not trusting me with your everyday. So the internal dialogue says, ‘Keep it to yourself.’ That is why I treat this relationship as if we are beginning,” she said in frustration.

“Wait a sec! I still don’t understand. Aren’t we good friends? We have depth. I share with you things I wouldn’t share with another,” he said with a intensity.

“To me there has to be a long friendship before I can just pick up where I left off. I have a high school friend and several college friends where I can just pick up where I left off. Each of those friends has 4 years at the very least of constant friendship. I can pick up where I left off because time and space have relocated their lives to different parts of the world. I still have to back track to get some of their story but we always have the memories to hold us together. I am sure they have changed a ton but we are comfortable. With you the time is too short. There are no memories to hold us together,” she explains.

“So you don’t trust me?” His voice goes deeper.

“I trust you but not like I would the friendships I have had for a long period of time. They have had the time to test them. They are proven. I know where I stand and I am comfortable with the flow of give and take,” she replies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This friendship ended. They were too different. She never really felt comfortable spiritually. She felt like she was talking a different language. He could never understand. The ‘different language’ was an important step for her to grasp but for right now I think there is another learning here.

I see time as an important element of trust and even depth. Even knowing how to pace myself at the beginning of a relationship can have a huge effect on trust in a relationship.

I have a bad habit to jumping in with a ton of gusto. I like to get the nitty gritty. My ears pick up ‘long distance talk’ only to find out later there wasn’t much nor could there be much depth to it. They might have meant it well but it just could not be.

I am learning how to build the trust I need. I don’t believe in ‘seasons’ more on that later- one quickie here, if you believe friends come for a season and then over, aren't you setting it up to fail?) , rather I believe I have set relationships up for failure because I did not lay down a way for trust to come inside like installation for a house. I keep talking trust because I have a bad habit of not being able to say what I am really feeling. I know that is an issue. Not ready to deal with it yet because I don’t know how I am going to speak up for myself when I am ultra sensitive about ‘rudeness’ or ‘bossiness’. Exact words are how do you speak up for yourself when it runs the risk of telling someone how to feel or how to see things or tells them to back off or tells them to get lost or I need air. I have had too many losses in friendship department. I am tired of ‘fighting’ and having the other person all up in my tail feathers about how wrong I am for standing up about a problem or upset at me at pointing to an issue. It isn’t about who is right or wrong. IT IS AN ISSUE ABOUT HOW STRONG YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP! Backing out gracefully seemed to be the right way, until they got all up in my tail feathers again! I cannot win. Again it comes to trust and HOW STRONG YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP. I cannot shake that trust thing... must be something there...

I would have rather said that I have enough ‘pick-up-where-you-left-friendships’ and that I am at a point in my life where I need a deep, meaningful, valued friendship, but as I am writing out or more exactly clearing up my thoughts, I see a path opening up for me. I will keep writing more here. I am learning more about myself. I just might learn how to be a good friend to myself as well as others. In time though…

plugging ears ...

Matthew 5

I was viewing a social experiment where a group of guys would have to get rid of one. The Loud-Mouth was at it again tearing verbally at the Quiet-Guy. Calling him a girl and yelling about how the Quiet-Guy couldn't stand up and defind himself. It was horrid watching the last match. All the other guys faces were of disbelief as the Loud-Mouth continue to cut and hack away on the spirit of the Quiet-Guy. The Quiet-Guy in a last ditch effort did defend himself only when he could get a word in edge wise. To my disgust is not just the Loud-Mouth but all the other Not-Going-to-Say-Anything-or-Defend guys kicked the Quiet-Guy out of their group.

Hot tears and furry. All that matters is how well you can beat on your chest and stand up to others. This isn't just in the workplace but has trickled down to the very relationships you try to keep. My biggest pet peeve is how others even so called friends will put words in your mouth or tell you what to do or how to think or how to feel. These are all traits of the Loud-Mouth. All mouth and no ears.

I have been accused of beating around the bush. I have been accused of not really saying what I meant to say by having the so called 'real answer' put in my mouth. {spit spit} I have been beaten down time and time again by the rudeness of others so much so that I am super sensitive to the abuse. I have tried to use 'I statements' when I do try to stand up for a breaking relationship. What I have gotten back have been 'you statements'.

The meek will inherit the earth. The poor in spirit will have the Kingdom of Heaven. Don't give pearls to pigs. Guard your wellspring. Whew! Is it so hard to stop and listen? especially to the Quiet-Guy or the Quiet-Girl? They just might have something pretty special to share with you. They might have an interesting story. They might stand firm when others flee.

They seem weak. They seem to give up the fight. They seem useless. Maybe they are the strong ones because they have lived alone and are not afraid. It is said that they will inherit the earth. Maybe they aren't giving up the fight, maybe they are using their head and know it isn't worth it. Maybe they are the most valueable. It is said they will have the Kingdom of Heaven.

Have I been loud? Have I used a 'you statement'? Have I let my fire get the best of my tongue? Do I move away and be quiet? or do I stay and fight with all the 'I statements'? How do you stand up for yourself and listen too? Isn't it contradictory?

I am back to square one. I am just trying to find the boundaries. I am trying to find the right and the wrongs. No clue. I have failed over and over because when you push a Quiet too far, the Loud will come out most hateful. It is a very delicate balance. No wonder they will back away trying to leave everything peaceful instead of raging...

on this day ...

My dear beloved daughter,
Ahhhhh, your fiesty little heart is what I created. I see that you are trying so hard to understand how to balance out that fight you have so that you aren't striving but being. I know you are soooo tired of banging your head against the wall. I know you hate to give up and yet you are learning to let go. I am glad your first concern is balance because that is where the key of this mystery is. You get upset when life and relationships get messy and you feel greatly cross and irate. You will feel this out and find the boundaries. You will right yourself again. Keep Me close. Engage Me. You, My dear one, will still have your fight and you will be still and serene in the face of all that once pricked your very soul to breaking.

Again My-Designed lesson for you. Continue to give. You are right that what you give out will come back. It just might not be the way you thought it would be. Remember I love to give abundantly. You are rich, My girl, because you are MINE.

I love the way I created your brain. While reading that man-book, I saw how you were thinking up the path a girl should be taking. You don't have it all worded out but you are so right on. You are My beloved daughter, My maid-in-waiting, My dream keeper, and when all these experinces ripen your soul, you will be My serene. You are still trying to figure out words for the stages between dream keeper and serene like home or land. You are in the right place. I delight in how you engage learning. Keep up the good work.

Be your own best friend. The human definition wasn't correct, was it? There is no such thing as a human best friend. I am the Bestest-Friend you will ever have, but a best friend can only come of yourself being kind to your own wounds. It makes you soft and supple and resilient as I would have you to be.

I love you. I love your dreams. I love your search for Me even in the everyday. Keep engaging Me. Keep leaning into Me. I will be your Father, your Husbandman, your Friend, and your Great-Lover. I love romancing you! You heard My whispers and now you feel My great winds of romance! Oh, how I delight to see your smile and your joy! You romance Me when you do. You are getting it! Let that Love bubble up and overflow others. Continue to Taste all I have for you. Your path is being Strengthen. I LOVE you!!!!!! Huge Huggers from My Everlasting Arms.
~ always the Rock of Ages
on this day...'06

Reign down over me ...

This movie would get a high rating from me but I would have to deduct for bad languange and bad situations that could have taken the approach on a higher plane. But......

the importance should be on every one has a story and are you going to take time out to listen to theirs. Are you going to allow them to express their pain no matter how uncomfortable it gets for you? Are you going to listen to your own story? Will you have the courage to let your own story out? Are you willing to give the space and breath for another to exhale their story?

A story can be so twisted and trapped inside a broken heart. This movie is about two college room mates both in dentistry. One man loses his three girls, wife, and family dog on one of the planes that hit the towers. The other man happens to see him 6 years later and tries to reconnect. You sit there watching and weeping and even laughing. This story so twisted and trapped ... we all brake down in different ways. It is soooooo hard to sit still and let these different ways play out. You can't make people move on the way you do. But you have to be still. You have to listen. Or you will miss out on the blooming...

"Love Reign down on me'' is heard as the story ends. This movie suggests that what we need is love. I say love should be still and listening ...

join the party ...

Luke 15:11-32

I always got hung up with the older brother not wanting to join the celebration of the wayward son returning home. I am a first born. I know those feelings of doing right and going unnoticed. The father's reply was kind but seemed like a rebuke.

Many times sermons never really talked about the older son or more like they never answered it in depth. This past Sunday a girl that grew up in the church, came back from college to preach for one of her classes. This was what she spoke on and she did a good job.

At the end of the story she gave us three choices. You can be the wayward son and squander your life on wayward living, or you could be the first born with a bitter attitude for receiving no kudos for your service, or you can be the father celebrating the Kingdom. The catch phrase is join the party. When you are feeling grumpy or when you have done wrong, come back home and join the party. God has big arms to hold you and a gentle brush of hand to wipe away the tears. It's time to celebrate...

soaking puddle ...

As I rounded the corner, there he was sitting right there in the puddle of rain along the side of the road. Mr. Robin as plump as he could get his orange chest sitting there not wanting to give until the last minute. His own personal soaking puddle to get the winter grime from between his toes and feathers. I was thinking that I wanted a soaking puddle too. My temples hurt from a fatiguing day. I know I wouldn't give until the very last minute too...

If God cares enough to keep the robins fed and to top if off with a wading pool, will He not care for me?
matt 6:25-27

what friends contribute ...

I took some notes on a friendship book I read because I am trying to find my way through the potholes on this friendship path I am stuck on. I am afraid the potholes are from my own backfires as I can't seem to get this peddle pusher to go.

The energy between two people is what creates great marriages, families, teams, and organizations.

... when we think consciously about improving our lives, we put almost all of our effort into self-development. I had it all wrong. The potential was hiding with in each relationship.

Friendships add significant value to our marriages, families, work, and lives. At some level, everthing we see and feel is a product of a personal relationship.

Friends are catalysts for high points in any given day.

Strong social relationships are the leading indicator of our overall happiness, and these findings appear to hold up across countries and cultures.

Friendships shape our expectations, desires, and goals for the future.

"Friendship has a profound effect on your physical well-being. Having good relationships improves health and lifts depressions. You don't necessarily need drugs or medical treatment to accomplish this - just friends."
~Eugene Kennedy PH D

"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."
~ Fredrich Nietzsche

To crack the code on saving marriages is to analyze what went RIGHT in happy marriages.

To judge a relationship based on its low points would be a mistake. The best gauge of a friendship's health is each person's happiness during every day interactions.

{ key }
Focus on what each friend does contribute to your life.

above taken from "Vital Friends"

So I read this book and was taken aback that the focus was NOT ABOUT SELF-DEVELOPMENT or self-improvement. About time. However, I am taking the books advise, but in honesty, I am cleaning house on self. Correct words? I am doing self-improvement. Have to. Grrrrrrrr ...

check out more here with 8 Vital Friends

tongues of shoes...

Listen to the tongues of your shoes
above the tongue of your mouth.

Hmmm, could this be true? How many times have I said something that I should say, over the lashing my insides wants to say to someone? I have many teeth bites on my tongue. I am always over worrying about how to say something or what I should say to be nice and yet voice my concerns or my beliefs or my feelings. I hate it when others spatter themselves outside their boxes and I want to be respectful to others. I want to be nice. However, I feel intensely the nasty others put out there...

Tongues of the shoes making a perfect get away...

hmmm, a lot to think about!

a mircle is a choice ...

'When you need a mircle,
it comes down to a choice
to believe or not to believe.'

When you have tried everything and you are left with either utter doom or a mircle, what will you choose?!!!! You are going to have to choose a mircle if you want to survive. When you begin to look at your circumstances this way, you begin to clear up your vision and see God who was always there...

How has this played out in your own path?

nugget gleaned from 'Against All Odds' (tv show on tbn)

the thief ...

''The enemy is a THIEF.
above all, he is out to steal your JOY!
When the author was writing this out in his book, it struck me deeply. I know he is a theif and I think I knew somewhere inside that he loves to steal joy, I just didn't speak this truth aloud... The biggest victory to date in my life has been the 'Joy of the Lord is my strength', so it was connecting the dots. I have work to do...

This little quote is going to kick in very actively in my everyday path. It is like fuel to battle back and keep my joy tank secure within the Rock...

nugget found in 'The Way of the Wild Heart'

a woman's mystery ...

As a girl I have read that women are a mystery and when a man has cracked your mystery, he is no longer interested. Well, that sends a quake through me when I don't think I have much mystery. How can I keep my mystery when I don't even really know what it is?!

I think I have discovered what the mystery is all about! Check this out: When a man is looking to put a bit of romance into the relationship, he reduces it into an equation ...

He reasons, ''If flowers resulted in passion and romance the last time, then why not try it again?''

I've done this. Trust me, it doesn't work the way you and I wish that it would.

Here's what's happening. Your wife doesn't want to be 'figured out.' Barbara once told me that just because A+B+C=D last week, that doesn't mean the same equation works this week. There's a certain mystery to romancing your wife; she's a puzzle that doesn't want to be pieced together, solved, and framed on the wall.

Your wife wants you to be a student of her, willing to pursue her in different ways on different days. Why? Because if she feels that she's been 'solved', there's no mystery and no reason to pursue her.

I've found that when a man invests in focus, time, creativity, adventure, and anticipation, he will enjoy a real relationship with a real person who knows and loves him in ways he never dreamed possible. As I've pursued this kind of relationship with Barbara, she has affirmed me as a man in ways that I never expected.
~ ''Rekindling the Romance'' by Dennis & Barbara Rainey

I have to add a disclaimer here. I don't calculate what kind of romance will work with me on this day or that! I can rest assured because I believe God made this mystery in a woman to where she isn't thinking about it. It just happens there in the heart without her knowing it. Whew! I feel much better!

Another thought, God doesn't like to be put in a box either! Are we a student of God? Are we pursuing God? Are we romancing God? Are we letting His Mystery woo us?

jeep provisions ...

He goes before me and He goes with me.
He has made provisions.
He makes a way.
Be expectant...
Jehovah Jireh, the Lord provideth.

Deut 31:8

thoughts on dealing with my jeep
(peak leak and the boo boo)

snowblower artist ...

I went to bed with raindrops falling and winds making gusts against the window, but sometime in the wee hours the Artist started snowblowing and transforming my world into a pretty white wonderland. He blew the snow on some trees where the snow stuck to the length. Other groups of trees had snow caked an inch deep on very branch and twig. The substantial wintergreens boughs drooped downward with the weight of the snow. Houses and road signs had this snowblow effect where the snow was like huge blobs caked in rich abundance on their sides. The Artist left nothing untouched. In the days of half spring and half winter, the Artist gives us hints of spring and the warmth of the sun. He knows we thirst for it. Yet, He reminds of winter beauty. This might be my last delicious enjoyment of snow until next season. Ahhhhh! What a Masterful Creator who lavishes me with such brillance...

my wish ...

Dear Loved One,
Rascal Flatts has a nack for really good songs that speak so dear to my heart. It is almost like they took it from my life. I loved 'God bless the Broken Road that led me to you'. It was perfect for us. Our roads were not straight. Mine was very long and lonely, yours was very broken. I saw the bright hope and assurance that it did not matter. Bad was not ours to hold. I am not sure you saw it.

Then when I could not (still cannot) understand why you left, I broke down when I first heard 'What hurts the most'. It made my pain real and not imagined. Sadly, it will probably remain my favorite song of all time.

As time goes by, my journey has taken me through and I might be on the other side. This song 'My Wish' is exactly what I wish for you. I remember your talk about your 40th birthday and about whoever was there with you. I knew I would be there but I did not know you would be gone. The next mile marker is Heaven and with my human eyes it isn't going to be the gushing happy reunion. I will be there watching for you but now behind a golden piller. A smile from the bottom of my heart will be there but a tear will be in my eye. I wish you well. Don't ever be afraid to come back home. And if I have misread everything and you are disgusted with me, please forgive me I did not know what I had done.

I ment everything I put in your card. Please ignore my words but listen .. maybe God granted my birthday prayer for you and His Words affirm you. Happy birthday!
~the crazy yank

by Rascal Flatts
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you’re faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin’ ‘til you find the window
If it’s cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you
And the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you find God’s grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

happy birthday

misses you

Good grief! When I feel like this, I can't seem to get James Blunt's 'Goodbye My Lover' out of my head. It haunts me! Argh! Good my friend...

a feeling like that ...

by gary allen
I stepped out into the blue, felt the wind hit my face
Before my chute opened I felt my heart race
I was fallin', nop‘, that's just fallin'
And off the coast of Australia I dove way down deep
For all that I saw of that Great Barrier Reef
It was nothin', compared to you it was nothin'.

I got lightning in my veins and thunder in my chest
All tangled up with you and tryin' to catch my breath
Been chasing that sensation halfway round the world
And lookin' back on what we had
Well, I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feelin' like that.

Well, I've wound up in some town in Spain
runnin' w/ the bulls
Tryin' to catch another thrill
w/ a thousand other fools
We were runnin', aw, but that's just runnin'
When I started pushin' 30 it started pushin' back
Well, how was I to know till now you'd be
such a hard act to follow. Nothin' seems to follow.

I got lightning in my veins and thunder in my chest
All tangled up with you and tryin' to catch my breath
I been chasing that sensation halfway round the world
And lookin' back on what we had
Well, I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feelin' like that.

It's like flyin' down some back road at midnight
With your eyes closed and the headlights off
Your life been searchin' everywhere
Can't find that feelin' anywhere
You're all I want, now all I want.

Said lightning in my veins and thunder in my chest
All tangled up with you and tryin' to catch my breath
I been chasing that sensation halfway round the world
And lookin' back on what we had
Well I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feelin' like that.

That's right, I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feelin' like that…

{sighs} EXACTLY ! ! !
misses you... an aussie sensation halfway around the world ... happy birthday you

I rest my case!

{cringes} Arrrrrgh! Come on!!! Why does it feel that this soapbox is always pulled out on me and I am an audience of ONE! I got the message loud and clear already! Enough! MERCY, please!

So I am just going to pull out the soapbox and you all can listen to it. I don't need it and maybe you do. sorry!

It was God who said, ''It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.''(gen 2:18) God, in His Wisdom, created Eve to be the companion that Adam didn't even recognize he needed. She was created to remove Adam's aloneness. No wonder God placed in Eve an intense drive toward relationship.

God knew that man's tendency was to be alone. He gave us a gravitational pull in marriage - our sex drive - so that we would pursue our wives who, in turn, would call us to know and be known in the context of a relationship.
'Rekindling the Romance' by Dennis & Barbara Rainey (the above written to the men by Dennis)

See I know all to well the man's tendency to be alone. I knew cold before but not like this. This is like being stuck on an ice block out in the middle of polar bear land with no winter clothing and the wind has picked up and the temp is a -50* F. I cannot hold on to life anymore. Allowing the cold to seep in and falling asleep sounds more warm than this...

wilderness ... part IV

I have listened to one describe a dark period in his life as a wilderness. I felt a little afraid for the person even as I reminded him to see how far he has come. As I read in ''The Way of the Wild Heart'', no wonder there was some fear in my heart.

(The Isrealites) decision NOT to fight is what led to their wandering in the wilderness for 40 years. We often cite that part of the story, talking about our own wilderness experiences embracing the wilderness saga as if it were in inevitable. Rather, the wilderness was a punishment, the conseuence of refusing to trust God, and fight. We live in a world at war. We are suppose to fight back. ~John Eldredge

Whoa! That is real scary! I wonder if I have some wilderness lurking in my past or even in my present day...

part III

space (n)

When you are hanging over the cliff and you finally let go because you have nothing more to hold fast to, you fall into a space, empty and silent. It stretches out in time and you get use to it, like having your eyes adjust to the night after coming in from a sunny day...

1st crocus!!!

Could not have been better timing. As I sighed once again as I started my jeep, there before me where my first crocus sighting of the season. They are a pale purple. I love the crocus because they bloom half in winter and half in spring. I feel a kinship to them as they share my month.

But never mind that ... God was sending me flowers for the boo boo someone did to my jeep. 'If God cares so wonderfully for the crocus that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't He surely care for you? Oh you of little faith!' matt 6:30 I know that my jeep is just a thing to care for others and to use. I know I can draw on God's strength to add another errand to my lengthing list. I know I can draw on God's provisions as I write another check for the accomulating bills that pile in this month. When my thoughts stray, I pull them back and look upon my crocus and smile. Oh, how God loves me...