investment vs. ball and chain...

No, I am not talking marriage here!  Marriage should never be associated with such confinement but rather should be home, a safe place.  Talking about a home and I hate to admit it but buying a home is a ball and chain.  I just don't see it any other way.

I didn't always feel like that.  My little girl dreams always had a home.  It just was a matter of fact.  That is what adults do.  They have a family and a family home.  They had a patch of land and of course, a picket fence.  Don't forget the pups.

Whoa!  My life hasn't ended up that way.  I have a single life and lifestyle.  I have just gotten to a place where I feel the money is just right.  I'm not scraping the barrel.  The groceries and the gas has gone up and yet I feel that for the most part that I can get by ok.  Yet with the rumors and the uneasiness out there, it is nice to have a cushion.  I feel like I have that.  Yes, I like to shop and my weekly shopping excursions are my only dependable social entertainment.  Of course, I not afraid to spend even though I do pretty well at pinching pennies.  I have this new feeling of being able to give money to God above and beyond my tithe.  I like this feeling a lot.  I don't want to go back.  I can't go back.

I am also feeling that Jesus is coming back soon.  Do I really need a house?  Why sock money into a house when that money could have a better use.  But then again, I don't know the time.  This world could have a few more spins around the dial even though there is a lot of shaking and rattling.  It just isn't the waters and earth giving way but governments, housing, gas, and the economies.  No body or country is immune.

I may be hitting the mid life crisis zone but I look young and feeeeeeeeeeeeel like a little girl.  Buying a house all by my lonesome is sooooooo out of my league!  I admit I am a shy one maybe not so much in my writing, but have a quiet personality and it suits me just right.  It is what makes me a goooood listener but when I have something to say aloud, I'm usually not heard or they put their own spin on what they think I am or on what I say.  I may be a first born and forge ahead on my own leaving the herds behind, but I have this strong wingman trait and it does NOT like to be a sole pilot in such huge endeavors.  Help!  This is way too much for me.

Like I said I am single and if I set down roots in brick and mortar then there are no more dreams of wings.  I have friends to the west and a couple of friends in other countries.  It would be cool to go see them if I could muster up strength in my wings.  I do admit that making a home out of a house is a dream too.  I love house magazines and blogs for color schemes, storage ideas, and layouts.  Having it become a reality is a bit scary.  I will have to make a go on my ideas and supposed talent.  I know I could never have a dream house, the house must it meet it in a general sense because this house will have to do until the end of my days.

Things have been getting a bit dicey  here in my apartment building.  Had a bad neighbor in December and things were getting bad.  I also deal with cigarette smoke getting into my home and I am allergic to it.  Then the apartment dweller below like to leave his bathroom fan on for weeks at a time and I can't stand unnecessary noise.  Besides being a crafter makes my little dwelling even smaller.  It would be nice to stretch out a bit.

My coworker who has been searching for house herself found me a house she thinks has my name all over it.  Argh!  So far she is right!  It is a condo with a garage.  It has a place for a library!!! Something I have dreamed about.  The basement is finished so it would take the place of having a cute upper floor.  I could see a craft room downstairs.  What topped it off because it was unexpected but right down my alley was the flag pole out front.

I need to get my brain and heart under the Great Shepherd's care.  The future can keep.  I must trade in the fear for trust and obedience.  God has proven Himself.  He has never forsaken me.  Not only has He been there in the little everyday things but He helped my parents with their house and He answered a big prayer of mine.  I cannot forget these answered prayers not only because they were huge but also because they are small and everyday.  He has been the Partner and the Pilot and I have been treating Him as such.  I bring things to Him.  I need to let Him drive this adventure and I just relax and go for the ride.  If I push or even if I pull (can't believe I just said pull but it is true - I can't pull back), I would usurp God's hold on my life.

Keep me safe, O God,

for in You I take refuge.

I said to the Lord,

"You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing."

~ Psalms 16: 1&2

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am going to share with my parents my feelings so that they know my fears but I will also show my Dad the link to that condo.  Most importantly You know my fears and dreams.  You know my personality and You know what I can handle.  This house might not even by mine.  You will be there in pain and in 

happiness.  Your Presence is fullness of JOY.  I must stay in Your Arms.  I am here for the ride.  I am putting in place Your Words to keep my mind stayed on You.  Thank You for keeping me.
always,
keeper

skinny comments ...

I was born skinny and have always heard the comments about my weight.  One thing that is really hard to forget was the comments at Thanksgiving.  I never was a big fan of bread.  It had its place like a sandwich or toast for a quick brekkie but at Thanksgiving I was never going to allow it to trump the good food.  I could have a nice plate full of food and even take seconds now and again but because I didn't take a biscuit my poor grandmother would go on and on about how skinny I was and why wasn't I eating.  She knew better too as she thought my father was too skinny and hauled him off to the doctor only to hear that he was fine.  Like father like daughter.

Now with 36 food allergies keeping my food intake in check, I still hear the comments.  I go to a church that likes to eat and when I don't, the ladies make comments like 'no wonder you stay skinny.'  I still have body issues like all women and feel like I have to keep my mouth shut so as not to offend anyone else but oh, I am treated like their comments don't hurt or bother me.  I am quiet person and keep my raging thoughts inside because I don't want to backbite.  Then when I am having a low day, all these little things pile up into how big of a misfit I am.

I happened across a verse in the Bible that encourages me.  You can say that it is a bit out of context but then again it really fits. I am thinking I should make up a shirt to wear on the food events at church but then again that would be too pompous of me right?

"For the Kingdom of God 

is not the matter of eating and drinking,

but of Righteousness, Peace, and JOY in the Holy Spirit."

~Romans 14:17

I know that fellowship seems to involve food but that fellowship is broken when the peace is crushed and the JOY is stolen when you make the bad choice of making a food comment that breaks a woman's heart in two.  Please fellowship with me by taking a walk and talking about God's Beautiful Handiwork.  Please fellowship with me by making something with our hands and encouraging others with homemade happiness.  Oh, how much more we all could get out of fellowship if we could get rid of the food!

Though one day I will be able to eat in fellowship with Right Ways, Peace, and JOY in the Holy Spirit and it will be all the beautiful brightly colored fruits and veggies.  I will look at you with a twinkle in my eye because truly this is my Bridal Feast and no skinny comment will hurt or break me again.

ps.  Don't get me wrong.  I am glad I am skinny but it still hurts to hear women make comments.  And I am glad you can't read my mind because as you fill your plate with four and five desserts, all I can think of is cancer...... or diabetes..... all the borrowing of health issues...... and by no means does that mean I am safe but why borrow trouble we don't have to...

Heavenly Snow in Heaven ...

sandboy: Looks soooooooooooo cold. I have to feel it before the Lord comes!! Might not be snow in heaven????


snowgirl: You are probably right about there not being snow in Heaven so you better start making plans. 

 But I have a couple wild thoughts - you know my speciality - where I see things from different sides.

 Maybe there will be snow because God describes our hearts that are cleaned through the blood of Christ as white as snow. When you you go through the dark rainy muddy days of November and see the world transform into a winter wonderland, you gave a new take on beauty.

 Another thought that is really out there is that yes, we will know things but when we get to Heaven, I think we will get to discover more and more about God. What better why to Praise God than to get excited about learning more and more about Him. If I can't continue this discovery that I so enjoy here on earth, I'm afraid that Heaven would be a bit boring and God wouldn't have that! So what does this discovery look like? God has this huge library of HIStory. Not only is it full of books for the book lovers but it is out this world state of the art multimedia room. Better than anything Apple could dream up. You know how people describe it as a tapestry and we only see one side of it … well, I think we will get to see how God wove everything together but better yet I think we can step into that HIStory and experience how all the intricate details came together. Mind blowing!!!!! I can't wait!!!!!!! We will be able to see our part of HIStory but others too and how God worked all things together. Like Abe Lincoln or King David or Queen Esther etc. So why not experience the creation of things He created like snow. Again I think enjoying the snow like walking in it or throwing a few snowballs or making snow angels or snowmen or stuffing snow playfully down the neck of a loved one is enjoying God.

 I know that it is more likely that the new earth will be like it was before the flood but this girl has some wild thoughts and can't wait to see how He will reveal Himself to us.


sandboy:  I think you are right to assume there will be exciting days with our Lord; experiencing Him dwelling in us as One. And I think there are excitingly interesting things to do and see when we go to be with Him.

He is a creator. No; better; He is the Creator of creators. So I think it's fairly safe to say He will go on creating; it's His nature and character to create.   What wonderful things will He create, and what wonderful things will we create with Him? 

Wondrous times ahead indeed!!

As a side thought, if He is revealed in creation, and Creation is an expression of Him (Rom 1:20), and He has no end, then does it suggest that there will be no end to Him expressing Himself, and so no end to His creating?

beaming {v.}

I love words.  I put certain value on certain words that I hold dearly.  So what do you do when you feel sooooooo much adoration and feeling like it is growing in the pit of your heart to the extent that you just might burst into a million little pieces?  What do you do when you want to scream "I love you" or "you are making me fall in love with you, please don't stop!" and you really can't because you are a girl and you are waiting for him to declare first?   I have been saying everything all around the those three little words but I just wanted one word because it is all I can get out and I need it to say everything...... I need it to be a word that captures a 'pictureful'.

BEAMING has to do.  It is little o' me with bright eyes like big brown stars and a magawatt smile as wide as my face. It is me bursting with a happy glow and tingly electricity pulsing through my veins.  Maybe a little nervous giggle and bashfulness like you have a secret that is just killing you to keep.... ahh, beaming should do.... pretty much my state of being

Giving and Forgiving ...

What makes life worth the living

Is our giving and forgiving;

Giving tiny bits of kindness

That will leave a JOY behind us,

And forgiving bitter trifles 

That the right word often stifles,

For the little things are bigger

Than we often stop to figure.

What makes life worth the living

Is our giving and forgiving.

~ poem written by Thomas Grant Springer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ahhh, yes!  It is those little things.... those enjoyable things.... that are soooo huge.  Like his laughter.  Like his insight.  Like his love of God.  Like his gentleness with oh so shy me.  Like his words of encouragement.  I hold those so dear in my heart....  I will forgive to have all those precious little things back ... I did and phew! my heart has grown bigger than ever .... I think I shall burst!

I will wait for you ...

If it takes forever I will wait for you

For a thousand summers I will wait for you

Till you're back beside me, till I'm holding you

Till I hear you sigh here in my arms

Anywhere you wander, anywhere you go

Every day remember how I love you so

In your heart believe what in my heart I know

That forever more I'll wait for you

The clock will tick away the hours one by one

Then the time will come when all the waiting's done

The time when you return and find me here and run

Straight to my waiting arms

If it takes forever I will wait for you

For a thousand summers I will wait for you

Till you're here beside me, till I'm touching you

And forevermore sharing your love

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I heard this songon the Lawrence Welk show tonight.  I had to search for the lyrics... and note it here.  See I waited for someone.  I didn't think he would come back and was pleasantly surprised.  Now the question to why did I wait comes up.  Hard to explain.  It does have to be the right person.  I suppose it is only right that if I truly don't understand why he went away that he won't understand totally why I stayed.  I chalk it up to God's Knowing and His Doing.  I am so grateful because God made me better through his leaving and it could be possible that the one who left needed me to wait for him.  God's Ways are a bit mysterious yet I love that about Him.  

over the wall thief ...

I know that John 10:1 is about salvation but after listening to John Bunyan's Pilgrim Progress where Christian confronted the those who had come into the fold by the wall and called them thieves, I see marriage as a sheepfold of sorts.  As always my mind had many other strands of thoughts and this struck a cord with me and connected a dangling dot.  It gave me a visual.

Marriage is scared and God ordained.  I just cannot understand why gay people want marriage.   They are already living in defiance against God according to Romans 1 so why do they feel the need for marriage?  Just live in defiance, shake your fist against God, and live together.  These days you don't really need marriage with all the living together, right?  Lets be truthful - marrying the same sex would have more of a mutinous impact, right?  Lets show God who is god!

To enter the fold of marriage though the gate is to be a Christian man and wife following God's rules.  To enter into marriage any other way is to climb over the wall like a thief trying to gain all the goodies but without rules.  Just because you are inside the walls of marriage doesn't mean God will overlook how you got in over the wall.  You will be standing there in all your thieving shame.  See, God will always have the last word.  Your dirty rotten sniff-neck obstinate will be nothing compared to the passionate heat of jealousy from the Almighty.  If only you would look deeper into God's design for marriage.  He is showing you the picture of how beautiful our relationship can be with God.  Trust Him.

Needless to say marriage is different than salvation but I see marriage as a crown to cast upon my Heavenly Savior as well as a very important mission field in these deteriorating last days.  Be encouraged this visual goes both ways.  If you have entered though the gate of marriage, what an honor to give to the King of kings.

I guess what really caught my thoughts was that if within the fold whatever the fold it might be and their is someone in there that doesn't belong it is because they are a thief. What thief would steal garbage? They are going to steal the diamonds!  And maybe that is all that needs to be said...???