wall paint ...

She loves my painting and makes requests of my work more than any other. My template is glass and dish work and any other non porous material. The paint is an acrylic glass paint that you bake to make it stick. I do venture off road a bit but not a lot because I don't want to invest in all the different forms of acrylic paint, brushes etc. I want to keep it simple.

She has a beautiful daughter full of golden brown ringlets that look all natural. Her cute daughter is turning 3 on August 3rd and for the birthday it is a 'big girl' room which the little one will not be allowed to see until Tuesday. How fun is that?! The walls are yellow on top with white panelling on the bottom. So in the corner the request is for a vine with flowers and also some by the door.

Yes, I was nervous and still nervous. She provided the bright colored wall paint and a huge dose of confidence in me. I had about couple hours in the house alone with Tyler their dog who is darling with his sad eyes and quiet stealth like moves. Up went the green vine and that was scary but I thought that any little smudge could be fixed. Then the leaves took shape. Then I tried my hand at the flowers. Whew, I just could not get the hang of the paint. The edges where rough and not taking the paint! I kept at it and broke the motto of stopping before I made a mess of it. I never used water before to control the paint. There is such a fine line when it comes to water. It helps to apply it smoothly to the wall but too much and it muddies up. Plus, I felt like I was running out of time. The hubs was to come home but I really didn't know when. I work best alone. I was getting hot and flustered.

I am home now and more nervous than before! I hope she loves it. Just don't get to close and you will see all my mistakes. I just need to let it be like my motto of stopping before I make a mess of it!!!! So I suppose it is time to close and get on with painting on white 'dream' letters so I can give them to her tomorrow.... Argh, still nervous!

UPDATE:
She called soon after I posted this entry and she ..... uh ....
loved it! Whew! She always makes me feel so good about my painting. She asked if I would do it again ... I said yes.

Paint has a personality as well as what you are painting. An artist has to artistic talent but also has to know how to marry the paint with the object. So this dabbler is still in the learning process but guess what my favorite thing to do is? LEARN!!!! woohooo!!!

a high vs the everyday ...

At the monthly Bible study I started to attend, I made an observation that bothered me greatly. I got the sense that some feel the need to have an experience with God like having a high. This drives me crazy! I do not want a 'Jesus-high'. I need Him too much in my every day. In fact He promised He would never leave me nor forsake me. I am holding Him to that.

I want Him when I am in tears over a stupid job and when I have to serve with gladness with respectful obedience to a boss who I will never make happy. If I couldn't have Jesus with me when I go to work ... well, it just wouldn't be good. I want Him in the every day moments when my brain is thinking out processes so I can talk to Him and ask questions. He has always been patient and has opened my eyes to things that only He could reveal. He showed me how to crochet because I would kept trying and would get upset and throw it down. I search and He reveals. He knows the Mysteries and will reveal when the time is right. There are a lot of everyday things I involve Him in and I have to credit all of the dot connecting to His quiet directions.

I want Him when I look out into the evening sky and see a rosie golden sky scape as the sun pulls the covers over her head and I whisper in my head the awe of His Master work. Lately His sky has been so vocal with the heat and storms that even when I fear there is much awe in the power and beauty of it all. He has little old me written in His Hands so how can He forget me? How could I ever think of only experiencing Him in some kind of magical high?

I don't want to ever think that I want to escape it all and have some mystical magic high moment with Him. Yes, there are moments when we are to run to the Fortress that is higher than I. Think about it those 'to the Fortress I run' times aren't highs but troubles. Check out Psalms 18. There is no high rather it is God working out the issues that plague me. He is in the trenches with me quivering under His Wing. I am the watcher and my heart stills it frantic beat as I watch His expert Arm defending and protecting His little one. He is right there. Always. This isn't a high but plain old everyday. I like it like that. Isn't God Awesome in His Ways and His Understandings that is greater than little I?

My life isn't made up of all trouble. There are a lot of good times too. I don't think of them as highs because most are simple things yet profound when I think deeper to His under-workings. Especially when I am troubled and dwelling in the muck, I start to pull my vision away to Him by simply telling Him what I am grateful. I love bed covers even in summer heat. I love paper & ink. I love blue and how it makes me feel. I love the bashful bold purple that feels like royalty and still has a simple gracefulness to it. I like the warm sunshine and the cooling rain in the summer. I like the bright snow and the delicate snowflake in the winter. I pick out everyday things and put them in the light and thank my Master for them right there in the moment. Wouldn't you forget all the wonderful things to thank Him for if you waited to steal away to some magical high? Wouldn't you be caught up in the moment and nothing?

I love to have the Bible near. When my life is out of whack, my only true and solid answer comes from His Word. I must make this everyday. It is a conversation and for too long it has been one sided. I want Him to do the talking too. I am tired of my voice piercing the airwaves. I must hear His Voice many times a day. Haven't you ever missed a lover's voice? Interesting that often we claim that God is silent. What a lie! His letter has 66 books filled with His Voice!

NOOOOOO high for me. I want Him everyday in the midst of my simple everyday life. I take Him at His Promise of never leaving me nor forsaking me. I have a big shoes to fill. I love Him right? He is in my everyday right? Am I dwelling in Him every moment of my day???????

a watermelon tale ...

I do not like watermelons as they are a bit too watery and doesn't have the density as their sisters, the musk melons. But having 36 food allergies, I no longer avoid this melon but I do not seek it out. My parents had a watermelon and received another one. For fear of not getting them eaten, I got the half of the old watermelon.

I finally got around to peeking under the tinfoil and used my lonely ice cream scope to take out some for a dessert. The watermelon is sweet but I could tell by the outer part that it wasn't liking the frig too much and I had better find ways to devour. I made watermelon jello last week and found it a bit bitter. I don't think it liked being pair with frozen berries or maybe it was the pineapple. Then I noticed something. I made jelly bean ice cubes to put in my two water bottles for my day with a friend on Monday because the heat index was very high like the typical days this summer. To my horror my water tasted like watermelon perfume. I wasn't happy. Here this huge half watermelon wasn't taking up a lot of space on the bottom of my frig but it was taking up air space in the freezer as well.

Last night I decided that I must get rid of this watermelon once and for all. I took out all the seeds and took it for a spin in the blender. Then I made a second batch of watermelon using grape juice and applesauce. The results were better and not bitter. I like the soft pink red hue it has. I hope this is the last of the watermelon for the year!

working for a 'huffer'

To serve with gladness has been taking a lot of trying to stand down & re-coat my back for extra ease of letting things roll off. I just cannot work in a constant state of trembling and huffing. If I wanted to work in such a place than I would be a police girl in a riot.

I had to take this job because it was offer from the same company that let me go from AP when the economy down turned. I didn't want this job but felt that God had something to this. I really want to be creative instead of being a bean counter and mastering excel sheets. I cried out to God last night on my way home and I promised that I would not think about w@(& during MY weekend.

Last week God brought me a rainbow to take the bend out of my back, this week it is a new favorite book that I happened to get on Monday when I took a day off to visit with a friend who is back from Germany. (this day off made me work 40hrs in 4 days to try to keep the boss happy with no luck.) The book is "Come Away My Beloved" by Frances J. Roberts. It is written as God talking to you. I am eating it up!

This is what I am dwelling on today:
Safety in God's Will
My Will is not a place, but a condition. Do not ask Me WHERE or WHEN, but ask Me HOW. You will discover blessing in every place, and any place, if thy spirit is in tune with Me. No place nor time is more hallow than another when ye are truly in love with Me.

I direct every motion in thy life, as the ocean bears a ship. Your will and intelligence may be at the helm, but divine providence and sovereignty are stronger forces. Ye can trust Me, knowing that any pressure that I bring to bear upon thy life is initiated by My Love, and I will not do this except as ye are willing and desire.

Many a ship has sailed from port to port with no interference by Me, because Strong Will has been at the wheel. Multitudes of pleasure cruises go merrily in their ways, untouched by the Power of My Hand.

But ye have put thy life into My Keeping, and because ye are depending on Me for guidance and direction, I shall give it. Move on steadily, and know that the waters that carry thee are the waters of My Love and My Kindness, and I shall keep thee on the right course.

Wow! I have found a new favorite book and author and want to get all of her books. What a blessing to dear broken and weary heart.

treasuring up wrath or Joy ...

I love contrasts because it gives depth. Contrasts moves an issue from 2D to 3D. For me the back of my neck bristles with excitement when contrasts present itself. I become spellbound. Well, I have to share my latest find!

It is about treasuring.

Romans 2:5
But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed.

vs.

Matthew 6:19-21
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

The skinny: What your treasure?
stubbornness, unrepentant heart, wrath or love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

Just a little something to get into ....

out of life's storms & into Thy Calm ...

I heard this song play on BBNRadio.org yesterday afternoon and I wanted to reacquaint myself with this old hymn. The right words at the right time kind of moment lets my heart uncurl from the tight ball of anger and brokenness that had taken hold. A breeze was in the air taking me to Jesus ....


Jesus, I come
Out of my bondage, sorrow, and night,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into Thy freedom, gladness, and light,
Jesus, I come to Thee;
Out of my sickness, into Thy health,
Out of my want and into Thy wealth,
Out of my sin and into Thyself,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of my shameful failure and loss,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into the glorious gain of Thy cross,
Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of earth’s sorrows into Thy balm,
Out of life’s storms and into Thy calm,
Out of distress to jubilant psalm,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of unrest and arrogant pride,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into Thy blessèd will to abide,
Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of myself to dwell in Thy love,
Out of despair into raptures above,
Upward for aye on wings like a dove,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of the fear and dread of the tomb,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into the joy and light of Thy throne,
Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of the depths of ruin untold,
Into the peace of Thy sheltering fold,
Ever Thy glorious face to behold,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Words: William T. Sleeper, in Gospel Hymns No. 5, 1887.
Music: George C. Stebbins (MI DI, score).

rainbow promise ...

I just have been having a hard time liking my work and it has gotten sooooo much worse. When I take a day off, then the next day is a nightmare. I try to do my best and every time I make a mistake, i can feel my will get defiant and stand up with arms cross. It takes me a long time to get my will to stand down.

I can't figure out the headaches. What am I allergic too now? Then I have a pain in my neck high up in my head. Can't figure that out either. So when I mad a grocery run, the raindrops began to fall on the steamy earth. I was hoping they would wait because I wasn't sure if they were going to get violent. Mr. Sun kept shining and wouldn't let the raindrops turn black. I walk out of store with my food and was kissed by wet liquid sunshine. Guess what? There in the cloudy blue sky was a rainbow arcing from one side then getting lost in blue cotton candy clouds but reappearing on the other side. My heart jumped for joy! It was like God straightening out my bent back and shored up my broken heart. I know where to put my focus but sometimes I need a lift...

My Heavenly Father loves me!!!!!! What Joy!!!!

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee;
and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee;
when thou walkest through the fire thou shalt not be burned;
neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
Isaiah 43:2

prayer beeper ...

Because I live alone and because I am a girl who needs to get her talking in even though I am typically a shy quiet person, I find it easy to talk to God especially in my alone moments. However, when I pray for someone, I find it very awkward to tell someone that I prayed for them.

I have to share a story Joni Eareckson Tada had on her program, Joni and Friends. A man had who was paralyzed for a short period of time (can't remember the name of his condition) requested prayer from all of his friends. This man's best friend went a step further and got a pager. He had the friends send a page to the beeper when they prayed for the paralyzed man. It was a huge blessing and great encouragement to hear that beeper go off many times an hour and even in the night. He knew the there were people around the world praying. It was a delightful story for me and got me to thinking .... even Joni challenged the listeners to text the ones they lifted in prayer.

I am still thinking because I don't want to come off pretentious or awkward.... I often wonder at the power of prayer and I don't think I will fully understand until Jesus pulls back the veil. I personally not sure that I have felt prayers of others.... like some say they have.... a big mystery to me....

I should do some clarifying. I have felt my own prayers. It is like a lesson from the one room school days. I am up front reciting (talking back) God's Word that I have hid in my heart. I can see parallels and opposites. I find dots to connect. I come away encouraged - His Words and Promises have that way about them.... No, I am not saying my prayer is more powerful than someone praying for me but rather the act of praying shores up my feeble faith and heartbreak. It is the act of crying out before the King of kings and knowing He bends down and takes me in His Arms and calms my fears ..

Francois Fenelon, a seventeenth-century Roman Catholic Frenchman, said this about prayer:

Tell God all that is in your heart, as one unloads one's heart, its pleasures and its pain, to a dear friend. Tell Him your troubles, that He may comfort you; tell Him your joys, that He may sober them; tell Him your longings, that He may purify them; tell Him your dislikes, that He may help you to conquer them; talk to Him of your temptations, that He may shield you from them; show Him the wounds of your heart, that He may heal them; lay bare your indifference to good, your depraved tastes for evil, your instability. Tell Him how self-love makes you unjust to others, how vanity tempts you to be insincere, how pride disguises you to yourself and others.

If you thus pour out all your weaknesses, needs, troubles, there will be no lack of what to say. You will never exhaust the subject. It is continually being renewed. People who have no secrets from each other never want for subject of conversation. They do not weigh their words, for there is nothing to be held back; neither do they seek for something to say. They talk out of the abundance of the heart, without consideration they say just what they think.


Daily Light : EVENING

We made our prayer unto our God, and set a watch against them.

Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation. -- Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving. -- Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: whom resist stedfast in the faith.

Why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say? -- Be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

NEH. 4:9. Matt. 26:41. -Co1. 4:2. I Pet. 5:7-9. Luke 6:46. Jas. 1:22. Exo. 14:15. Phi. 4:6,7.

no self love!!!

Last week I got bombarded with this concept of that there should be no focus on self love in a believer's life. I don't have this notion and it wasn't even on the radar! Then boom. It did take me back to the first Bible study session this year where the speaker did talk about you had to love yourself before you can love another. I didn't get much from this talk because what was coming to me was a review of where I had been sort of like my spiritual life playing out before my eyes. It was like 'wow, you've come along way but you do have more to go because you want to keep falling in love with God.' My journey contained no self love. That wasn't the focus. I just chalked it up that I came a different route.

Then this past week I get all these passages in the Bible where it kicks this notion that you have -to have self love to be able to love others- to the curb! Uh oh! Now what am I going to do? Do I say something to the Bible teacher? I am very defensive when it comes to the Truth. First step was just to come here and hash it out and let my mind chew on it.

Elizabeth Elliott used these two verses:
Ephesians 4: 22-24
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

II Timothy 3:1-7
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.

Pastor Lutzer used this one:
Romans 15:1-3
We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: "The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me."

There is just no standing for loving yourself in order to love others. No truth in it. It is time to throw off my old self which I feel that I have. I have done so by getting onto solid ground. I always thought I was on solid ground but when you live duplicitously, things get messed up quick. I began to talk back scripture and got to really seeking God in His Own Words. No more shifting sands. It has to be solid truth. The basic vocation of a believer is to trust and obey. When I do that, I show love to God. The new self becomes more full bloom. Love for others bubbles over from God's Love....

Hmmm, now how do I go about telling the truth about this????

patriotic for the Kingdom ...

I am a bit of a patriotic junkie. I like the flag and the story behind the flag. Every time the National Anthem plays, I am taken back to seeing the ripped and torn flag still there. My favorite decorating color is blue and from my teaching days the red apples combined to a patriotic living room with the flag and stars being the main feature. I love the rich bold colors and I enjoy wearing them too. I love the history and I tear up on the dedication given with sweat and lives.

I have been thinking about my patriotism for my real homeland because I am just passing through this one. Am I patriotic of the Kingdom of God? Is being patriotic for the Kingdom of God shown in my desire to win souls for Christ?

Every time I see my fellow man striving after worldly things that do not satisfy or when they are in the midst of trouble, all I can think about is how are they surviving without the Hand of God guiding them in the sorrows?

{sighs}

I see treasure stored in heaven as people... but being the witness has been a daily lesson that I get so discourage with.... I am to be the salt and light here... I am the raiment left ... saving America (and the world) from the end times ... am I making a difference? Once the salt is gone... woe to the world....

As I add more numbers to my days, the patriotism for America dims (and yes, heightens for Americans to get right with God), my patriotism for Christ and His Kingdom grows. I see that as a right of passage for the believer who is growing in Christ. I smile at that... especially after having a discussion with an Australian believer over patriotism. I had a lot of love for my country and was convicted and wasn't sure how to convert it to love for my homeland, Heaven. It all stems from falling in Love with Christ Jesus and the Word of God.... It comes! It helps too (sadly) that American has fallen away from her roots. Our country isn't under God anymore and I weep for the promise that we have broken on our part.... I have a promise to keep.... I must be the salt worthy to flavor and influence my place here while passing through....

His Presence in triumphs & sorrows ...

'After the Battle of Gettysburg on July 15, 1863, President Lincoln proclaimed a National Day of Thanksgiving, Praise and Prayer: "It is ... right to recognize and confess the presence of the Almighty Father and the power of His hand equally in these triumphs and in these sorrows.... '

How often do we recognize and confess the presence of the Almighty Father in triumphs and in sorrows? This line just made me stop. How often to we stop believing because of sorrows? We just chalk it up to no evidence of God. Isn't it right that our plans weren't acknowledged and we are going to have a bad attitude? Shouldn't we embrace His Plan for us with Joy? Wouldn't life be better than claiming a hissy fit and walk off the field? When will we bend the knee and the will to the Master?

There is something to a grateful heart celebrating God in all the triumphs and all the sorrows. Joy comes even in the pain. One gets it when one lives this simple hard truth...

treasure lost ...

So this guy from Canada is looking for a long lost love of 45 years ago in Melbourne, Australia. They got lost in each other over the matter of 3 hours. He made her promise to write him and she did but the letter got lost for 3 years, but he got it none the less. But he never returned the letter and got married and divorced to another girl ... yadda yadda. Now he has says that he only fell in love once not twice or 1 and a half, just once. Now is the time to fix old regrets.

Normally, I would fell for this sentimental sob story. Not this girl anymore. See I had an encounter that totally changed my life. Probably can't call it love but it was a real strong connection at the very least it was a friendship that had great potential. Well, the bloke off and left. Even though we really had something, I sorta knew that he would leave but it still caught me off guard. I had no regrets. I think we even talked about the passage of time and what it would bring. Well, sorry to say I am not one to wait till 45 years later to look him up. Why would I wait? Crazy notion. Why waste alllllll that time?

I could scream! Doesn't love fight to keep? Think love grows on trees? Think love will come back? Love is fragile like a petals on a rose. Love is rare. Why the games? Why the cloak and dagger? It burns me up.

It has been 5 years now and still counting. I am still here and reachable. I have the box of memories all in my head. I shoved them into the corner but sometimes they come back and torture me. The audios play out his inflections, thoughts, arches, and statements that went high on the end like a question. The voice gets me every time. It is a struggle to get myself back but I do. He has messed it up for every boy that comes after. Do I care? No. But I do.... because now I have the wounded heart and I caught it from him.

I used to side with Love. I had her back. I knew the potential and the power. Now it is a silly old daydream that is nice on a rainy day....

I wish the man well on his quest to locate his lost love but you don't loose what you treasure....