books & plants = {God Hug}

September the 4th was a perfect fall day like the ones you find in early October. The sky was a beautiful cornflower blue with fluffy white clouds that hung low enough that you felt you could actually touch them if you jumped really high. The fields of corn was already turning that dry harvest yellow way too soon from the super hot dry summer. The sun was bright. There was a slight breeze. We were traveling from home to the my college town for a funeral of a woman just eight years older than me. She belongs in my childhood memory. I remember her and her sisters and the farm house they lived in and their black and white bull dogs, Moses and Sarah. It is a good memory. I just learned of her dominion two weeks prior - her husband, her kids. I knew her race was completed and she was in the Arms of Jesus. Her wasting way had turned into a renewed beauty in total reflection of her Creator. Yet the tears were on the edges of this day. My heart was going out to the family.

I feel that a believer's funeral should be a celebration. That is what they are doing on the other side of the river! However our joy is laced with a bit of sorrow. It was a the church's gym to handle the size. The local football team showed up in their football jerseys and black dress pants to support her youngest son who is a senior at the local high school. The back wall was covered with colorful homemade cards made from her students. The kids spoke about their dear mother and about the things they would miss. There were other choice speakers who colored in her life and gave you snap shots of her journey. I began to see her as someone who didn't want the limelight and also knew how to make others feel comfortable. I saw that our lives could have been parallel but I found my life pretty lacking. I'm not the teacher I should have been. I'm not married like I would have wanted. I have no hubby or kids so my life doesn't revolve around anyone but myself. I know I should not have even compared my life to hers but I have an earth ending here and will have to be accountable to my life. I came away a bit crushed.

With my afternoon I went off to my favorite haunt the local thrift shop. I found two books that were on my want list and I was excited because it was so unexpected. Then I went to a home store to look for a string of pearls plant. I had checked back in the spring and I really didn't think I would find it. After looking and looking all over the succulent selection, I found a very tiny plant of peas. So I scooped it up with her sister string of bananas. However, string of pearls really had no root system and the dirt was bad dirt because it would get this white mold or film on the top when you watered. Well, it died and I got my money back. The string of bananas are doing great!!!! At the end of the day, I felt God was saying 'hey, you are still loved. You want to do and be better. Go for it but I love you."

Wow. My Heavenly Father knows just what I need and I didn't even ask. I was just crushed and He was there to heal. Now I can look at my life and see what I need to do without comparing. I have a story and yes, it needs some revision. I can get crack'en

It has been a while since I have blogged and I really wanted to get this out before I ventured elsewhere. I didn't want to over look His simple presence. It might seem silly that books and plants would speak but how often do we go about our business without listening ....

green peas & green bananas ...

Remember me sharing my frustration that my philodendron given my grandparents now gone being stolen from where it rested in front of my door for about 10 years now? This plant is a plant that schooled me on what it needed and when. It drupes when it needs water. It allowed me to cut it and even get starts from the cuttings. I have the baby at work but I wanted a plant at home. Instead of using a cutting from the baby, I got one at the supermarket. Some reason the leaves are turning yellow and I have NOT over watered. In fact I probably have under watered. There isn't much plant to begin with and I am down to 2 yellowing leaves and one that probably will turn yellow on me tomorrow. I watered it and put it closer to the sun. I just might end up with a naked plant!!!!

So what do I do today? I went over to Lowe's to see if they had "string of pearls". I looked earlier in the season and was disappointed. Today I was looking and looking. A store employee asked is he could help and he was quiet like he was thinking and I misread him. I went on to describe the plant. He was kind and new what I was talking about. He did go back to the greenhouse to see if he had one back there. I continued to look at all the different succulents that they did have. Guess what? I happened to spy a "string of pearls" sitting right up front! It was the only one and very few 'peas' but no matter! I want. I got! The man came back stating they had no "string of pearls" but they had a lot of the 'string of bananas". I asked him if that was what the other plants were called. Yup. He continued to stand there as I continued to look..... then he moseyed on off. I was unsure of of his presence after I paid and took my two plants to my jeep, I hoped that I didn't offend his intelligence when I was describing what I was looking for. My heart felt like skipping in a little jig but I controlled myself as I didn't want to dump the dirt. Ok, I will be truthful, I didn't want to embarrass myself. Thinking back now, I should pulled on my dancing shoes anyway!

I remember in my childhood that my Mom had a "string of pearls" plant. It looks like peas and I loved it. Funny, how growing up brings out the nostalgia! So I brought home a bit of old and a bit of new. I made new homes for them. The bananas had a lot of roots and is 'stringing' over the side of the pot. The peas really had no roots and seem to just sit together on the top of the soil. I am worried they won't grow and thrive in my home. The peas are verrrrrry green and the bananas are a lesser green. Sooooo maybe these sisters are less alike than like.

I am being adventurous with my green thumb skills. Philodendron, ivy, bamboo, string of pearls, and string of bananas fill my houseplant family to the brim ..... oh, I do have two plants in a pot out on my doorstep that I don't know the names of but they are looking beautiful after loosing leaves during the winter. I highly doubt my that I have skills with plants. They are more like teaching me what they like or dislike. Now all I have to do is listen!!!!

My Savior 1st of All ...

Psalm 17:15
As for me,
I will behold Thy Face in Righteousness:
I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with Thy Likeness.

My Savior First of All
When my lifework is ended, and I cross the swelling tide,
When the bright and glorious morning I shall see;
I shall know my Redeemer when I reach the other side,
And His smile will be the first to welcome me.

Refrain:
I shall know Him, I shall know Him,
And redeemed by His side I shall stand,
I shall know Him, I shall know Him,
By the print of the nails in His hand.

Oh, the soul-thrilling rapture when I view His blessed face,
And the luster of His kindly beaming eye;
How my full heart will praise Him for the mercy, love and grace,
That prepare for me a mansion in the sky.

Oh, the dear ones in glory, how they beckon me to come,
And our parting at the river I recall;
To the sweet vales of Eden they will sing my welcome home;
But I long to meet my Savior first of all.

Through the gates to the city in a robe of spotless white,
He will lead me where no tears will ever fall;
In the glad song of ages I shall mingle with delight;
But I long to meet my Savior first of all.
~ Francis J Crosby 1894

pain for Eternal Glory...

Cathy has her Day of Rejoicing starting at 11PM last night. She finished her race. Now her faith has become sight as she beholds her Lord, Master, Creator, King, & fellow sufferer. She can touch His Scars. Her eyes will reflect back into His the acknowledgment of mystifying pain and the transforming it can do. She will know full well that death has no victory and neither does cancer!

We who are left behind must hold to our faith and faint not. We have a race to run.

"... we know that the One who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead
will also raise us with Jesus & present us with you in His Presence.
All this is for your benefit,
so that the Grace that is reaching more & more people
may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Therefore we do not lose heart.
Though outwardly we are wasting away,
yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
For our light & momentary troubles
are achieving for us an Eternal Glory
that far outweighs them all.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen.
For what is seen is temporary,
but what is unseen is Eternal. "
~ II Cor 4: 13-18

for God so loved you ...

Dear Niece,

Guess what my dear? I have begun to read your Twilight books with the last one to go. Oh, there is a lot to chatter about!!

I get it. There is an intrigue. Something that grabs you & holds you. It has got to be the love Bella intensely feels. It is young & dangerous. It is old & wise. It is protective & fierce. It is also very illusive in human form.

I have been on the search of love. Sure, there is no ring on the finger or signatures on a contract but I have found love. It is God-Love. It is Joy. It is peace. It is comfort. It is dangerous. It is wise. It is protective. It is fierce. It is transcendent. It allows you to sing over the storms. It is hearing God singing songs of deliverance over you. It is a mysterious adventure. You must hang on!

Holding the Almighty's Hand allows your heart to overflow with God-Love. This love floats around your family & friends like a cool spring breeze fragrant with new floral scent. This love radiates from your eyes & your smile that strangers & acquaintances are surprisingly happy to catch. This love allows you to love the man of your dreams even when your prince charming is a bit froggy!

I have a book for you! The author has saturated her writings from God's Love Letter, the Bible. "Come Away My Beloved" by Frances J Roberts is very intimate & very real. For God so loved you! Grab this & let if overflow your heart.

always,
keeper

Before you freak out about me reading the Twilight books, if I had my way I would not. When your children or the children you love read these books, I think you must. Who better than me? I am an English Teacher at heart and I love getting deep with books. I also get deep with God so I can take this on only through Him.

I am very concerned about her reading these books. There are some things that I am totally shocked that an author of teenage books would put in there when we are trying to teach our teens what is socially correct or dangerous. That is one negative and the other which is no surprise is how the author makes monsters normal and ok. In fact these monsters are really demons, don't you think?

I want to know what she is thinking but I don't want to turn her off. I want to ask innocent questions and really get her to think. I am praying about this. I hope to but she is always busy in sports and rarely comes to family get-togethers.... {heavy sigh}

a day of rejoicing is coming ...

I walked into the hospital room knowing that she was nearing this life's finish line. The cancer was too beastly and too fast. She did open her eyes and spoke in very soft tones. She asked for water and I offer it to her but in the middle of her very slow first sip, her eyes closed like she dozed off. She is in a lot of pain and is on some heavy pain meds. I did hold her hand before the nurse came in to change the clear bags hanging beside her. Her husband encouraged me to talk to her but I found myself falling silent.

The woman in this bed is about 8 years older than me. She is in my childhood memories. I remember her and her sisters baby-sitting me and my brother. They had two cute black and white bull dogs called Moses and Sarah. They lived on a farm and I loved their farm house. I haven't seen her sense. My mom works at the hospital on a floor where a lot of cancer patients go when they are having a major battle with cancer and need hospital care. I happened to call mom about a birthday matter coming up and she said our family friend was back in the hospital and it was not good. I told mom I would come up.

I am sensitive and I try to put my feet in other's shoes. I knew her kids where teenagers and I can help but wonder how these kids were going to cope in the days and years ahead. This beautiful woman has a beautiful husband who talked to me so I began to ask him questions learning more about his family and even finding common bonds like going to the same college. The youngest son was playing football that night. The middle son is marrying and coming home from Chicago this month. The oldest has graduated from college and as a teaching job. She hasn't found love in college and there isn't even a boyfriend. I told her father that it was ok and he said yeah, that you might as well wait until the ONE comes and you just know. I nodded my head in agreement. .... I could now walk out of this room carrying them in my prayers and go to the mats do some major wrestling with the Lord for them.

Earlier in the day I sneaked some time to search for so balm and just happened to read Psalms 8 where it says, where it says 'what is man that you are mindful of him? and where God has made man a little lower than angels and that He gave man dominion over the works of His Hands.' This might be weird that it brought me comfort but I couldn't help but think of all the things God has given us in this life that is like a flower that flourish and passes away. This life is soooooo fragile and the gifts are soooo wonderful. Her gifts? Finding love, marrying a neat guy, having kids .... she probably has a lot more on her list...

A question sent me to wondering ... A mother with early adult children is dying. I am sure she has lots she wants to tell them. Being a daughter myself I cannot dare to go to a time where I don't have my mother to rely on.... I did have a comforting thought... The Word of God has helped me greatly and I am sure for this mother as well. She can rest assured that His Word can guide her children especially because she loved it, they will want to get closer to her by reading It and finding answers needed in today's questions and tests. I love this thought and can let out a comforted sigh...

I told mom that her hubby really loved her and you want to know how I could tell in a short amount of time? He said that finding the love of his life was the best gift Grace College have him. He also asked to hold her hand and said thank you even though it looked like she was sleeping. He has been trying hard to get her home so they can have a bedside wedding of their son today because they are unsure of how long she will be able to hold on and the wedding is schedule at the end of the month. Besides she just wants to go home to die. I don't know how this man is holding on. He did not show any tears but there was a softness around his edges and I am sure that he is putting on his strong face.

I cannot say that she lost her battle with cancer rather she is just finishing this earthy race. She is laying down this earthly mantel to put on her heavenly one called Eternal Life. She is trading in the pain and limitations to walk upright into her Heavenly Father Arms. Her own mother and father are waiting in the wings ready to welcome her home. She will truly understand that death has lost its sting where her loved ones just don't quite understand because it is so raw and painful now. All we can do is 'walk by faith not by sight.' A chorus came to my mind as I was walking and doing some heavy thinking. It brought Joy ... even in this bittersweet time. '... when we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory!'


♩♬♪♫
Sing the wondrous love of Jesus,
Sing His mercy and His grace.
In the mansions bright and blessèd
He’ll prepare for us a place.

Refrain

When we all get to Heaven,
What a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus,
We’ll sing and shout the victory!

While we walk the pilgrim pathway,
Clouds will overspread the sky;
But when traveling days are over,
Not a shadow, not a sigh.

Refrain

Let us then be true and faithful,
Trusting, serving every day;
Just one glimpse of Him in glory
Will the toils of life repay.

Refrain

Onward to the prize before us!
Soon His beauty we’ll behold;
Soon the pearly gates will open;
We shall tread the streets of gold.

Refrain♪

Words: Eliza E. Hewitt

a new church ...

If you have been reading here, you might have noticed that I have been quite unhappy with the church the family has been going too. I am happy to say that we have been checking into a local Baptist church for about a month now and last Sunday my parents said good bye to the Sunday School class my Dad has been teaching at the old place.

You can't believe how much happier we all are ... all because God's Word is preached from the pulpit!

I personally have not been satisfied with the old place for a very long time. I felt that the pastor was a false prophet and only used God's Word for his own message. I mistrust this man when he came and felt I had more knowledge of the Word than he did. It didn't help that he was about 2 years older than me. He has mistreated my little brother and my father and you just don't do that to my boys. I know my Dad really cared about the pastor like Paul for Timothy. I don't know how much damage this man did to my Dad but I think I already see the burden has vanished from my Dad's shoulders. I just feel that the time has come to brush off the sand from your sandals and get on without looking back.

I have fallen hard for nothing but the Word of God. I have got to keep from wasting any time on stuff that is not a Sure Foundation. I am shouting for Joy that I am back in a conservative Baptist church. I will continue to feast on BBNRadio.org for great food but now I can get fed on Sundays too!

Matthew 13:45-46
“Again, the kingdom of heaven
is like a merchant looking for fine pearls.
When he found one of great value,
he went away and sold everything he had
and bought it."

good fig exiled in Babylon ...

I have a story from the Old Testament that I must tell you as it has given me great hope for my own plight. This story begins with a dream. A dream given to Jeremiah by the Almighty to give hope, encouragement, and an assignment to the exiles in Babylon. Two baskets of figs placed in front of the temple of the Lord where shown to Jeremiah. One basket had verrrrrry gooooood figs, like those ripen early; the other basket had very bad figs, so bad they could not be eaten. Then God asked Jeremiah what he saw. It was God wanted the vision spoken aloud. Then the Lord explained the dream.

"Like these good figs, I regard as the good the exiles from Judah, whom I sent away from this place to the land of the Babylonians. My Eye will watch over them for their good, and I will bring them back to this land. I will build them up and not tear them down; I will plant them and not uproot them. I will give them a heart to know Me, that I am the Lord. They will be My people, and I will be their God, for they will return to Me with all their heart.

But like the bad figs, which are so bad they cannot be eaten so will I deal with Zedekiah king of Judah, his officials and the survivors from Jerusalem, whether they remain in this land or live in Egypt. I will make them abhorrent and an offense to all the kingdoms of the earth, a reproach and a byword, an object of ridicule and cursing, wherever I banish them. I will send the sword, famine, and plague against them until they are destroyed from the land I gave them and their fathers."

Then God had Jeremiah write out His letter for the surviving elders, priests, and prophets among the exiles in Babylon to read to them. Before the letter is read there is a listing of who the exiles where. What came to my eyes? The craftsmen and artisans. Now these are my kind of people. I then knew this story was for me. I must get back to what was in the letter...

To My exiles in Babylon,
Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.

Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. They are prophesying lies to you in My Name. I have not sent them.

When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill My Gracious Promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places I have banished you and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.

always your Heavenly Father

Wow! All this can be read for yourself in Jeremiah 24:1-10 and Jeremiah 29:1-23. I had to reread several times because I felt this dream was just for me. I am a craftsman and artisan. I find great joy spending time painting, looming, crocheting, cross stitching, ink stamping and paper punching. I find even more fulfillment if I can use what I do with my hands to encourage another. But I am EXILED, exiled in Babylon. I am working in cost accounting for a boss who has fits of huffing. I did not want this job but this job is of God. I am not left abandoned. I have instructions to carry out. I am to build, settle down (not complain), plant, eat from the produce, increase not decrease (increase the joy not the grief), seek peace and prosperity of the company so that I too will prosper, and close my ears to anyone who says things that are not of God (other dissenters and ill seekers). In due time my Heavenly Father will bring me back home where I live out my passion in fullness.

What is interesting is that this story is hidden behind the great verse of Jeremiah 29:11. You just can't have the great verse without the story. It makes the verse deeper and richer and makes the story real because you know it in your life. I vow never to forget this story. I wrote it down here and am trying my hand at a poem. I am going to tell this story to anyone and everyone who will hear....

a little one on the way ...

...rrrrrring.....rrrrrrrring.....rrrrrrring....

me: "Hello?"

3yo niece: "Mommy has a baby in her tummy."

Mom comes on after the little niece got tired of talking. She told me that the little niece came in the door telling her that Mommy has a baby in her tummy and Mom says "is she serious?" Niece's mom had a huge grin on her face. My mom has been waiting for this to happen for a while now. Mom is hoping for a boy to round out the little family. I don't know .... wondering if it will be a girl ... but then again a boy would carry on our name.

Mom said that before my little bro and his wife dropped off the niece that they went to their first doctor's appointment and that the niece got to hear the heart beat!! She said the baby is due March the 16th. I informed Mom that they have known for a month and half. She was a bit surprised that the little bro could keep a secret so long.

Mom called me on my google voice and did I even think to record it so that I could share my niece here for you? Nope. I shall she her on Sunday so I just might have to record her talking about the baby. I have a few ideas to keep this memento.... check back!

Charlie St. Cloud

This movie rates up as a 10 for me! The sky scapes and water scenes took my breath away. Then the topper was the story. This movie will complete my personal trilogy. See, I am a keeper, a keeper of things that are important to me. I hold on and probably to long. I never have wanted to be one who didn't say everything to someone I loved. No regrets! I think this need to hold on comes from a childhood where I never had that storybook friend like in 'Anne of Green Gables'.

'It's a Wonderful Life' begins my trilogy. It gave me value when I felt like a very small worthless college freshman. 'Remember Me' comes next with its gritty and violent portrayal of how we mess up after the lost of losing someone and forget to love and live. 'Charlie St. Cloud' is a beautiful story rounding out my personal trilogy with Charlie finding out that he has a reason to live his life without his foot in death. There is a twist so I would love to see it again for that second time and hey, how about a third time for just the viewing pleasure!

I started to read the book but saw the movie before I finished. I waited to write a review until the last pages where read. The book started out with beautiful flowing language. Even though there where God references throughout the book, God's Name was taken in vain so much so that I lost respect of the book. The movie did stray from the book but it condensed it right down to its very essence like taking one bite of just right richness of dark chocolate with a good balance of sweetness that it you were satisfied. The movie rocked and the book flopped!

In the book Charlie is 28 and Tess is somewhere around 25. The story begins with Charlie at 15 (yes, driving illegally) and Sam, his little brother is 3 years younger. In the movie Charlie is 17 at graduation and after the accident that summer you see Charlie five years later. The author didn't picture Zac Efron doing the movie partly because he thought the character as older. The author did get to meet Zac and changed his mind. I think Zac is a great choice. This is my first time seeing Zac in a movie. He did a superb job with pulling off the manly gentleness of this character which is a huge draw for me.

A silent but loud character that really took the movie was the sky and sea scapes. The sunsets where golden and breathless and the ocean bi-polar tendencies of smooth and wild just took my 'eyes' away! I am sooo visual that it made me so satisfied and hungry to see it again and again!

author thoughts:
I have this theory that a movie should follow the book. I totally flipped out over The Last Song (part 2 of 'The Last Song'). The book was sooooo good and deep and the movie messed it up. However, this time I favored the movie. I just don't get it. I am an author-wannabe and I see writing as birthing. A good author picks just the right words, the perfect scenes, and quality characters. So why would you be ok with a director taking liberties with your baby? I also see my story like a director with a movie. So why would a screen writer have to change it for the movie? I suppose I will battle this thought a lifetime!

fyi:
This is a good chick flick. Not sure what the guys would make of it.

There is sex before marriage. Yes, you can still design a movie without it even this one. Especially if you are talented.

the glut of birthday parties ...

Ok, be patient with me. It is a personal musing and wonderment about birthday parties...

I had an alone childhood where books and my bike kept me company. I have a picture of a birthday party of mine where I sat with a neighbor boy smiling with my birthday cake made by my grandmother. I think that is the only birthday party that I had where someone outside my family was there. There was no grand hoopla at my 16th even though I stupidly wished for some grand jester. As an adult I do not expect huge tidings of birthday wishes granted from friends or even the outside world. Sometimes it is even hard to get a small gesture from the bros but mama knows she must celebrate with me or I am devastated. So I do know the power of a birthday and the value it gives you when someone goes out of their way to grant birthday wishes.

I am noticing that a great deal put into birthday parties for the young these days. The internet is laced with oodles of themed birthday parties. Gone is the simple gathering of cake and ice cream and in is the grandiose themes. I am visual and I must admit that I visit daily a wedding and party blog to enjoy the many different ideas that help me be creative in my own life. It is fun and mystical. I feel that party feeds our need for adventure and celebration and creating but I think birthday parties in particular should not be sooo grand. I could be all wet, too.

I went to my nieces 3rd birthday and her parents invited over all her friends (aka kids). There where lots of presents and when the presents were opened it was like watching vultures waiting to feed on the overkill. Yes, I made my gifts and even dolled up the bag. I suppose that fed into my disgust of where the focus was. These kids weren't die hard friends. The little niece probably won't remember them as life picks up. There was so many gifts and the misbehaving vultures ... it was all toooo much. But all the young parents these days are doing these big parties and argh, I am glad that I am not a parent.

I love parties. However, for my kids I would want a more personal more family oriented birthday party. If I was to throw a kid party, I would have a summer party where no one kid got a ton of gifts over another. That way I could make sure each kid had fun and my child won't be getting all these 'toys' that they really don't need. Plus, where do you put all these gifts????

I know I am more of an introvert and covet one on one time with those I love. Big parties and tons of people make a wallflower out of me but I love the detail and fun and the hugeness of it. I love planning parties and I love attending but give me a personal birthday party any day! Shouldn't birthday parties be more cozy and personal?

wall paint ...

She loves my painting and makes requests of my work more than any other. My template is glass and dish work and any other non porous material. The paint is an acrylic glass paint that you bake to make it stick. I do venture off road a bit but not a lot because I don't want to invest in all the different forms of acrylic paint, brushes etc. I want to keep it simple.

She has a beautiful daughter full of golden brown ringlets that look all natural. Her cute daughter is turning 3 on August 3rd and for the birthday it is a 'big girl' room which the little one will not be allowed to see until Tuesday. How fun is that?! The walls are yellow on top with white panelling on the bottom. So in the corner the request is for a vine with flowers and also some by the door.

Yes, I was nervous and still nervous. She provided the bright colored wall paint and a huge dose of confidence in me. I had about couple hours in the house alone with Tyler their dog who is darling with his sad eyes and quiet stealth like moves. Up went the green vine and that was scary but I thought that any little smudge could be fixed. Then the leaves took shape. Then I tried my hand at the flowers. Whew, I just could not get the hang of the paint. The edges where rough and not taking the paint! I kept at it and broke the motto of stopping before I made a mess of it. I never used water before to control the paint. There is such a fine line when it comes to water. It helps to apply it smoothly to the wall but too much and it muddies up. Plus, I felt like I was running out of time. The hubs was to come home but I really didn't know when. I work best alone. I was getting hot and flustered.

I am home now and more nervous than before! I hope she loves it. Just don't get to close and you will see all my mistakes. I just need to let it be like my motto of stopping before I make a mess of it!!!! So I suppose it is time to close and get on with painting on white 'dream' letters so I can give them to her tomorrow.... Argh, still nervous!

UPDATE:
She called soon after I posted this entry and she ..... uh ....
loved it! Whew! She always makes me feel so good about my painting. She asked if I would do it again ... I said yes.

Paint has a personality as well as what you are painting. An artist has to artistic talent but also has to know how to marry the paint with the object. So this dabbler is still in the learning process but guess what my favorite thing to do is? LEARN!!!! woohooo!!!

a high vs the everyday ...

At the monthly Bible study I started to attend, I made an observation that bothered me greatly. I got the sense that some feel the need to have an experience with God like having a high. This drives me crazy! I do not want a 'Jesus-high'. I need Him too much in my every day. In fact He promised He would never leave me nor forsake me. I am holding Him to that.

I want Him when I am in tears over a stupid job and when I have to serve with gladness with respectful obedience to a boss who I will never make happy. If I couldn't have Jesus with me when I go to work ... well, it just wouldn't be good. I want Him in the every day moments when my brain is thinking out processes so I can talk to Him and ask questions. He has always been patient and has opened my eyes to things that only He could reveal. He showed me how to crochet because I would kept trying and would get upset and throw it down. I search and He reveals. He knows the Mysteries and will reveal when the time is right. There are a lot of everyday things I involve Him in and I have to credit all of the dot connecting to His quiet directions.

I want Him when I look out into the evening sky and see a rosie golden sky scape as the sun pulls the covers over her head and I whisper in my head the awe of His Master work. Lately His sky has been so vocal with the heat and storms that even when I fear there is much awe in the power and beauty of it all. He has little old me written in His Hands so how can He forget me? How could I ever think of only experiencing Him in some kind of magical high?

I don't want to ever think that I want to escape it all and have some mystical magic high moment with Him. Yes, there are moments when we are to run to the Fortress that is higher than I. Think about it those 'to the Fortress I run' times aren't highs but troubles. Check out Psalms 18. There is no high rather it is God working out the issues that plague me. He is in the trenches with me quivering under His Wing. I am the watcher and my heart stills it frantic beat as I watch His expert Arm defending and protecting His little one. He is right there. Always. This isn't a high but plain old everyday. I like it like that. Isn't God Awesome in His Ways and His Understandings that is greater than little I?

My life isn't made up of all trouble. There are a lot of good times too. I don't think of them as highs because most are simple things yet profound when I think deeper to His under-workings. Especially when I am troubled and dwelling in the muck, I start to pull my vision away to Him by simply telling Him what I am grateful. I love bed covers even in summer heat. I love paper & ink. I love blue and how it makes me feel. I love the bashful bold purple that feels like royalty and still has a simple gracefulness to it. I like the warm sunshine and the cooling rain in the summer. I like the bright snow and the delicate snowflake in the winter. I pick out everyday things and put them in the light and thank my Master for them right there in the moment. Wouldn't you forget all the wonderful things to thank Him for if you waited to steal away to some magical high? Wouldn't you be caught up in the moment and nothing?

I love to have the Bible near. When my life is out of whack, my only true and solid answer comes from His Word. I must make this everyday. It is a conversation and for too long it has been one sided. I want Him to do the talking too. I am tired of my voice piercing the airwaves. I must hear His Voice many times a day. Haven't you ever missed a lover's voice? Interesting that often we claim that God is silent. What a lie! His letter has 66 books filled with His Voice!

NOOOOOO high for me. I want Him everyday in the midst of my simple everyday life. I take Him at His Promise of never leaving me nor forsaking me. I have a big shoes to fill. I love Him right? He is in my everyday right? Am I dwelling in Him every moment of my day???????

a watermelon tale ...

I do not like watermelons as they are a bit too watery and doesn't have the density as their sisters, the musk melons. But having 36 food allergies, I no longer avoid this melon but I do not seek it out. My parents had a watermelon and received another one. For fear of not getting them eaten, I got the half of the old watermelon.

I finally got around to peeking under the tinfoil and used my lonely ice cream scope to take out some for a dessert. The watermelon is sweet but I could tell by the outer part that it wasn't liking the frig too much and I had better find ways to devour. I made watermelon jello last week and found it a bit bitter. I don't think it liked being pair with frozen berries or maybe it was the pineapple. Then I noticed something. I made jelly bean ice cubes to put in my two water bottles for my day with a friend on Monday because the heat index was very high like the typical days this summer. To my horror my water tasted like watermelon perfume. I wasn't happy. Here this huge half watermelon wasn't taking up a lot of space on the bottom of my frig but it was taking up air space in the freezer as well.

Last night I decided that I must get rid of this watermelon once and for all. I took out all the seeds and took it for a spin in the blender. Then I made a second batch of watermelon using grape juice and applesauce. The results were better and not bitter. I like the soft pink red hue it has. I hope this is the last of the watermelon for the year!

working for a 'huffer'

To serve with gladness has been taking a lot of trying to stand down & re-coat my back for extra ease of letting things roll off. I just cannot work in a constant state of trembling and huffing. If I wanted to work in such a place than I would be a police girl in a riot.

I had to take this job because it was offer from the same company that let me go from AP when the economy down turned. I didn't want this job but felt that God had something to this. I really want to be creative instead of being a bean counter and mastering excel sheets. I cried out to God last night on my way home and I promised that I would not think about w@(& during MY weekend.

Last week God brought me a rainbow to take the bend out of my back, this week it is a new favorite book that I happened to get on Monday when I took a day off to visit with a friend who is back from Germany. (this day off made me work 40hrs in 4 days to try to keep the boss happy with no luck.) The book is "Come Away My Beloved" by Frances J. Roberts. It is written as God talking to you. I am eating it up!

This is what I am dwelling on today:
Safety in God's Will
My Will is not a place, but a condition. Do not ask Me WHERE or WHEN, but ask Me HOW. You will discover blessing in every place, and any place, if thy spirit is in tune with Me. No place nor time is more hallow than another when ye are truly in love with Me.

I direct every motion in thy life, as the ocean bears a ship. Your will and intelligence may be at the helm, but divine providence and sovereignty are stronger forces. Ye can trust Me, knowing that any pressure that I bring to bear upon thy life is initiated by My Love, and I will not do this except as ye are willing and desire.

Many a ship has sailed from port to port with no interference by Me, because Strong Will has been at the wheel. Multitudes of pleasure cruises go merrily in their ways, untouched by the Power of My Hand.

But ye have put thy life into My Keeping, and because ye are depending on Me for guidance and direction, I shall give it. Move on steadily, and know that the waters that carry thee are the waters of My Love and My Kindness, and I shall keep thee on the right course.

Wow! I have found a new favorite book and author and want to get all of her books. What a blessing to dear broken and weary heart.

treasuring up wrath or Joy ...

I love contrasts because it gives depth. Contrasts moves an issue from 2D to 3D. For me the back of my neck bristles with excitement when contrasts present itself. I become spellbound. Well, I have to share my latest find!

It is about treasuring.

Romans 2:5
But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed.

vs.

Matthew 6:19-21
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

The skinny: What your treasure?
stubbornness, unrepentant heart, wrath or love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

Just a little something to get into ....

out of life's storms & into Thy Calm ...

I heard this song play on BBNRadio.org yesterday afternoon and I wanted to reacquaint myself with this old hymn. The right words at the right time kind of moment lets my heart uncurl from the tight ball of anger and brokenness that had taken hold. A breeze was in the air taking me to Jesus ....


Jesus, I come
Out of my bondage, sorrow, and night,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into Thy freedom, gladness, and light,
Jesus, I come to Thee;
Out of my sickness, into Thy health,
Out of my want and into Thy wealth,
Out of my sin and into Thyself,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of my shameful failure and loss,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into the glorious gain of Thy cross,
Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of earth’s sorrows into Thy balm,
Out of life’s storms and into Thy calm,
Out of distress to jubilant psalm,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of unrest and arrogant pride,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into Thy blessèd will to abide,
Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of myself to dwell in Thy love,
Out of despair into raptures above,
Upward for aye on wings like a dove,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of the fear and dread of the tomb,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into the joy and light of Thy throne,
Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of the depths of ruin untold,
Into the peace of Thy sheltering fold,
Ever Thy glorious face to behold,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Words: William T. Sleeper, in Gospel Hymns No. 5, 1887.
Music: George C. Stebbins (MI DI, score).

rainbow promise ...

I just have been having a hard time liking my work and it has gotten sooooo much worse. When I take a day off, then the next day is a nightmare. I try to do my best and every time I make a mistake, i can feel my will get defiant and stand up with arms cross. It takes me a long time to get my will to stand down.

I can't figure out the headaches. What am I allergic too now? Then I have a pain in my neck high up in my head. Can't figure that out either. So when I mad a grocery run, the raindrops began to fall on the steamy earth. I was hoping they would wait because I wasn't sure if they were going to get violent. Mr. Sun kept shining and wouldn't let the raindrops turn black. I walk out of store with my food and was kissed by wet liquid sunshine. Guess what? There in the cloudy blue sky was a rainbow arcing from one side then getting lost in blue cotton candy clouds but reappearing on the other side. My heart jumped for joy! It was like God straightening out my bent back and shored up my broken heart. I know where to put my focus but sometimes I need a lift...

My Heavenly Father loves me!!!!!! What Joy!!!!

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee;
and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee;
when thou walkest through the fire thou shalt not be burned;
neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
Isaiah 43:2

prayer beeper ...

Because I live alone and because I am a girl who needs to get her talking in even though I am typically a shy quiet person, I find it easy to talk to God especially in my alone moments. However, when I pray for someone, I find it very awkward to tell someone that I prayed for them.

I have to share a story Joni Eareckson Tada had on her program, Joni and Friends. A man had who was paralyzed for a short period of time (can't remember the name of his condition) requested prayer from all of his friends. This man's best friend went a step further and got a pager. He had the friends send a page to the beeper when they prayed for the paralyzed man. It was a huge blessing and great encouragement to hear that beeper go off many times an hour and even in the night. He knew the there were people around the world praying. It was a delightful story for me and got me to thinking .... even Joni challenged the listeners to text the ones they lifted in prayer.

I am still thinking because I don't want to come off pretentious or awkward.... I often wonder at the power of prayer and I don't think I will fully understand until Jesus pulls back the veil. I personally not sure that I have felt prayers of others.... like some say they have.... a big mystery to me....

I should do some clarifying. I have felt my own prayers. It is like a lesson from the one room school days. I am up front reciting (talking back) God's Word that I have hid in my heart. I can see parallels and opposites. I find dots to connect. I come away encouraged - His Words and Promises have that way about them.... No, I am not saying my prayer is more powerful than someone praying for me but rather the act of praying shores up my feeble faith and heartbreak. It is the act of crying out before the King of kings and knowing He bends down and takes me in His Arms and calms my fears ..

Francois Fenelon, a seventeenth-century Roman Catholic Frenchman, said this about prayer:

Tell God all that is in your heart, as one unloads one's heart, its pleasures and its pain, to a dear friend. Tell Him your troubles, that He may comfort you; tell Him your joys, that He may sober them; tell Him your longings, that He may purify them; tell Him your dislikes, that He may help you to conquer them; talk to Him of your temptations, that He may shield you from them; show Him the wounds of your heart, that He may heal them; lay bare your indifference to good, your depraved tastes for evil, your instability. Tell Him how self-love makes you unjust to others, how vanity tempts you to be insincere, how pride disguises you to yourself and others.

If you thus pour out all your weaknesses, needs, troubles, there will be no lack of what to say. You will never exhaust the subject. It is continually being renewed. People who have no secrets from each other never want for subject of conversation. They do not weigh their words, for there is nothing to be held back; neither do they seek for something to say. They talk out of the abundance of the heart, without consideration they say just what they think.


Daily Light : EVENING

We made our prayer unto our God, and set a watch against them.

Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation. -- Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving. -- Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: whom resist stedfast in the faith.

Why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say? -- Be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

NEH. 4:9. Matt. 26:41. -Co1. 4:2. I Pet. 5:7-9. Luke 6:46. Jas. 1:22. Exo. 14:15. Phi. 4:6,7.

no self love!!!

Last week I got bombarded with this concept of that there should be no focus on self love in a believer's life. I don't have this notion and it wasn't even on the radar! Then boom. It did take me back to the first Bible study session this year where the speaker did talk about you had to love yourself before you can love another. I didn't get much from this talk because what was coming to me was a review of where I had been sort of like my spiritual life playing out before my eyes. It was like 'wow, you've come along way but you do have more to go because you want to keep falling in love with God.' My journey contained no self love. That wasn't the focus. I just chalked it up that I came a different route.

Then this past week I get all these passages in the Bible where it kicks this notion that you have -to have self love to be able to love others- to the curb! Uh oh! Now what am I going to do? Do I say something to the Bible teacher? I am very defensive when it comes to the Truth. First step was just to come here and hash it out and let my mind chew on it.

Elizabeth Elliott used these two verses:
Ephesians 4: 22-24
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

II Timothy 3:1-7
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.

Pastor Lutzer used this one:
Romans 15:1-3
We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: "The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me."

There is just no standing for loving yourself in order to love others. No truth in it. It is time to throw off my old self which I feel that I have. I have done so by getting onto solid ground. I always thought I was on solid ground but when you live duplicitously, things get messed up quick. I began to talk back scripture and got to really seeking God in His Own Words. No more shifting sands. It has to be solid truth. The basic vocation of a believer is to trust and obey. When I do that, I show love to God. The new self becomes more full bloom. Love for others bubbles over from God's Love....

Hmmm, now how do I go about telling the truth about this????