my thank yous '09

* God's Word * I started with verses written out on 3x5 cards back in 2003 when I lost my job the first time. Then I learned about 'butterfly wings' where something in the Old Testament is repeated in the New Testament so I started to search out butterflies in the Bible. (p.s. our lives should reflect the Word as Jesus Christ is the Word and we should be like Jesus.) Then I started carrying a New Testament around with me especially to work. 2007 was a job description change and the learning part was hard so I would go to the Word for encouragement. Then I would read Proverbs according to the day since there are 31 Proverbs. It was sooooo alive. Now back to the butterflies the more I read the more I find butterflies. This year with the jumbled up work mess, I began to read the Bible chronologically every day. In today's world I don't see the foundations of the churches out there being very strong especially for future generations. I in way am sensing the last days more so than ever before. Amazing enough I am longing for my HOME COUNTRY. With the church thing we as a family are at a cross roads as we think the pastor is not a true shepherd. With that I am soooo thankful that I know how to read and that I have my own copy of the Word. There was a time where the people where at the mercy of the pastors - not so any more. I am sooo thankful for the Holy Spirit. Being a Christian allows my soul to be open to the Holy Spirit teaching. * crochet - Amigurumi * I wanted to make granny squares because they were little but it wasn't enough for me to learn crochet while I had my Grandma. I did pick up the looms in about 2005 to knit things like hats and scarves and purses but I noticed that something online. It was these really cute tiny crochet toys. I was envious! I always loved the small things especially small stuff animals. I had a small stash when I was a little girl and as a big girl to make them? priceless. Problem: I do not know of anyone who was willing to take the time out to teach me. Plus, once a crocheter they never seem to know how to slow done enough to teach you and there you are left struggling with more frustration. So I would look longingly at the crochet book I had. Sometimes I would try and others times I would just turn my back on it. This past January after being able to see actual still pictures of crochet I could see what loops the hook was actually go in and out of. I finally accomplished it all by myself. I don't give credit to my brain rather the credit goes to God because I get so impatient and He is so patient. I would tell Him of my struggle and in time things came together. The other thing about Amigurumi is that it has been a really fun and interesting journey that has kept my heart occupied when my work path is sketchy. * work * I lost my accounts payable job in April and was called back to work in Costing. Sadly, I do not like my job but thanking God for my job has kept my head above water. It pays for the Amigurumi path and it feeds me. I have no right to complain. May was a mess because I couldn't get unemployment to work. I must remember to use what I learned in AP for my costing job - take my issues to God and He will see me through.... * Mom & Dad * I am so grateful for my parents. I remember how Dad really was a shoulder of strength when the costing job became available to me to me. He didn't tell me that it was wrong to feel mad that I would have do costing again! I love my Dad. Mom is always the confidant and friend. Even though we can't do our Friday outings, we have been able to connect with each other when I have my unemployment weeks. She always believes in me and my craft. * sitting with my niece * My niece has been sick on my unemployment weeks so I have been able to go care for her. I was unsure about my parent skills since I have no kids of my own. After hearing a Bible teacher talk about the right way of parenting, I took this with me and found it worked. However, just inviting God in on it is the most important. * the PUPPERS * I love my fury boys. Bobby, Andy, and Tink are so fascinating to work with and to love on. Their personalities are just so animated. We brought home bags this past Tuesday. Andy loves inspecting the bags. Tink wanted his cookie so after the quiet for the cookie was over, Andy went back to the bag. His little tail stump was just moving. He was soooo frantic. Then I realized that was the bag for the bones Mom had got for them. OH Boy, every one had to have their bones with my grumping to ward off unwanted company. Too funny. * bros & their fams * I love my bros. It is good to have brothers who you get along with. They are in the midst of growing their families and it is good to see them growing up. * God * When you seek Him, He reveals Himself. Being in the Word, He is so alive! I just can't get enough. I love it that I am more in love with Him than ever before and I want that love to be more and more as the years tick by...

08 thank yous

jottings ....

Just some writing exercises I did on Monday ...

Morning
early grey
Lucia is sick
I'm coming to her
Love.


Pottery
blue white
mountains, clouds, birds
simplistic lines, calming place
Inspiration.


Quiet
whirling heater
Lucia is napping
warming up my thoughts
Brainstorming.

heralding the love truth ...

As I was waiting for the diagnosis of the front passenger tire and feeling very caught up in being a single girl at the mercy of the male and struggling with how to communicate as a God-fearing woman, I dug out my Bible memory 3x5 cards. I rested upon Habakkuk 2:2-3.

"Write down the revelation
& make it plain on tablets so that the herald may run with it.
For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end & will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come & will not delay."

The 'revelation' part scared me a bit but as I thought about it like taking a glass cup and putting it to the light to inspect the clarity, I prayed for a small revelation about my impasse over the marriage for us vs marriage for him. Habakkuk is an Old Testament prophet who had complaints that he brought to God. Habbakkuk 2:2 is the beginning of God's answer. I know my complaint is different but I prayed this verse also knowing that in Dueteronomy 29:29 says:

"The secret things belong to the Lord our God,
but the things revealed belong to us
& to our children forever,
that we may follow all the words of this law."

I had been coming across a lot of verses about marriage being ALL about the man. I was getting these feelings that I never had before that a wife duty is to totally be a servant especting nothing in return. I began to wonder if I had allowed the world's phophosy mess up God's true intent. So I prayed Habakkuk 2:2-3.

With my small request of a revelation, I know it must speak of the end. To me it means that this speaks of what is Eternal. It may take time but the revelation comes at the right time. So I waited.

My wait ended that afternoon when I was listening to a Bible teacher say that a man is to love his wife. Yes, I already know this but the Holy Spirit prompted me to go over the love list in I Corinthians 13:4-8:

"Love is patient, Love is kind.
Love does not envy, Love does not boast,
Love is not proud.
Love is not rude, Love is not self-seeking,
Love is not easily angered,
Love keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but Love rejoices in truth.
Love always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails."

Ok, that is a huge task! Even though the woman's respect list is short but wide, a man's love list is tall but very deep. But if you are the wife receiving this kind of Love, she is receiving a ton! If she is receiving all of this, then it isn't alllllll about giving and giving ...... Yes, there are times when a woman will give without much in return but it is far better then me beginning to think that there is NEVER a return.

So here is my small revelation and I herald it. It is so easy to get messed up. Just seek God and He always reveals the answer or Himself. Don't forget there will be God-Secrets that He will keep to Himself but what is revealed is ours.

to respect your man ...

I DO NOT have a problem with respecting a man. It is a God-Command for a good union. Plus, to 'fear' God means to honor and respect. I understand the lordship of Sarah with her man, Abraham. Because of this, first on requirement on my 'man-list] is that I must be able to follow the man's leadership. If you can follow his leadership, all the more you will be able to respect him.

Here I went and read a book that explains the respect issue a bit. I agree you must respect your man's thoughts, his words, his judgements, and his actions. What was very new to me was the respecting his ''figuring it out for himself''. Uh oh! This could be a mine field! My experience has been with moody ones that quiet up or ditch you. How do you steer away from their 'figuring out' when in discussion over issues and problems? Not a clue! (BTW how do we get in trouble over suggestions when in our own issues that all we want is an ear and they are there with all kinds of suggestions......then if you get mad or don't take their advise you disrespect???? grrr.)

There was two examples of when the boys are in the figuring out stage. One was when they are out driving. They don't really want directions. They want to figure it so girls just enjoy the ride. It his adventure and he wants to share it with you. I get this. My father loves Sunday drives. We are amazed at all his know how when it comes to driving w/o maps. I have map skills and not afraid to tackle going to a new place. In fact I have travelled to a neighboring state allllll by myself w/ maps but I did it! The second example is of a man with all the entertainment components all over the floor and taking all day to hook things up. I am a tinkerer myself so there are few house projects I could do on my own so I really need to watch this. Can I ask to take up certain responsibilities w/o him getting his ego miffed? Say a wife wants the towel bar fixed in the bathroom and it goes days. The wife thinks and sees that she can fix it and gets the screw gun or the glue out and fixes it. Disrespect? Yikes. These examples are kind of on the lighter side but are very dangerous for man bashing.

But what about the super serious stuff like if the man is dealing with work issues that are beating him down? What if he turns melancholic and into a slow burn? These are issues. These need figuring out. It is sooooo hard to sit on the sidelines with a sock in the mouth in order to control the urge to burst forth with 'help'. I am so upset about this because I thought I had the respect issue down and here my whole world got messed up when I thought I had it neat and orderly.

A couple finishing thoughts....
'Anger is expressed when they are disrespected.' <-- a clue!
'Nagging and repeated requests is disrespect.' <-- a personal clue

Some personal rules I made for myself to follow:
1. Never put down - always build up.
2. Never ever tell them what to do! <-- general rule for all peeps
3. Woman is the man's helpmate - never ever the other way around.

I am so messed up because I thought a marriage union was all about the us but of late it seems it has to be all about him....

teamship ...

When it comes to marriage, I had this theory that it was a team where you had each other's back and you had a common goal (successful marriage and successful partnership). It would be work but work you wanted to do with each other. It would be a team where there was 100% give and take on both sides. There would be no trying to win over the other nor would there be stealing the show. It is a team.

However, my theory was challenged first by 'woman was made as a helpmate for the man' not the other way around. Meaning that the woman really shouldn't hope for things in the team? The second challenge comes in the form of respect. I greatly know that the Bible says a woman is to respect her man. I get that but there is a respect needed for when a man needs to figure something out on his own. For example, the taking off without directions and not nagging him to get directions. I get this. I have a father who loves the Sunday drive and just taking it in is part of the adventure. But like when he when he takes apart something or you must WAIT for him to take apart something to fix and it takes all day. You are suppose to respect him and let him figure it out with out words. Oh, and when can you take on something or fix something for the team... The third challenge is the words ...... I am quiet by nature but I am a thinker and I do need to use a lot of words and I fail here......

Anyways, I cannot give up on my teamship theory just yet but I have added another 'team' picture. It is where the man is out on the hockey rink (the sport I like more than football & greatly more than baseball=) and woman is the fan in the stands cheering on and never bad mouthing the team. Now is to figure out when it 'together we face the world' or the 'hockey player and fan' type of team...

touch, a woman's sexual desire ...

Swindoll was on the topic of King David seeing bathing Bathsheba. I know that sexual desire grabs men through visual but what I didn't know was that sexual desire grabs women through touch! Really? I am a girl I should know this! So like my typical self, I start going though my journey looking for the trigger points so that I don't fall off the edge. If you don't SAFEly test where your weak places are, you will be sabotaged. When you pick yourself up from the fall out, you will berate yourself for not living as purely as possible with your relationship with God.

So what about touch? I definitely do not like people getting into my personal space. I went though a spell where I would pull away from my own father's hugs. That was because I was a teenager just not wanting to be bother because I was mad over something. I also went through a time where wonderful perfumed granny's at church would hug on me so I decided that I would be the first to hug on them every Sunday. Problem was that I carried their perfume with me in the form of a HA. I dislike hovering of any type especially in the checkout lanes. So how is touch going to be take me down in sexual desire?

Well, I spoke of uncomfortable touch. So if I am that sensitive over my space, what if it is comfortable touch? When I read the book on the "Five Love Languages", I knew right way that WORDS was my thing and TOUCH was the farthest. However, over the course of an alone journey, touch is very important to me. (All five love languages are important in every person's life. To best love is to be fluent in all five love languages.) My word tank is a huge tank. Lets say my word tank is 25 gallons. My other four tanks would be 1 gallon. But having just one of the tanks become empty, the engine fails. Being a loner makes for a tank that needs constant care and watch or there is critical arrest.

My TOUCH tank could very well be more than a gallon. Over this life journey with my Heavenly Father what I cherish the most is His Arms! When I am at the lowest lows, I often pull the covers up tight up to my nose and turn out the lights and let the mind's screen pull up the God holding tight in His Muscular Bare Arms to the point you can't see me and to where His Heart Beat is so loud that it quiets all my troubles. So I could see that if a man ever dared to approach me in this way no matter how small compared to God's, I could be wooed. Wow, touch is a woman's sexual desire! What girl doesn't want to be protected? Arms holding you in when you are falling apart tell you that you are still loved and still cherished and will be protected. mmmmm... yessss .... touch is very desirable!

I had an experience once with a guy whose love language was touch. This was a LDR so trying to speak his love language was a huge challenge. I felt as though I really never reached his heart. I feel that REDEEMED 'touchers' need to allow friends to touch them via the mind, heart, and soul and not just the physical. Honestly, I am afraid to touch the opposite sex. (AND IT IS A HEALTHY RESPECTFUL fear because I know the dangers.) I guess I didn't realize that this healthy respectful decline of touching a male other than the handshake is a 'protectent' for my girly heart.

I am glad that Swindoll said this in passing. I really needed this mental note. I probably will have more to learn...
What about touching via words? ....

teething vamp teeth ...

To see a grey space surrounded by white teeth and white roots on an x-ray made my untrained eye strain hard as my heart began to sink. No wonder the dentist had his own mystified response. He pointed out the grey showing me the root in back nice and tall then pointed out the medium sized root then to the grey area where just a nub of a root was sitting oh so very close to the gum line. This nub of a root of course was from the tooth being banded when I had braces to fix my buck teeth. The reason for taking this x-ray was to find the cause of this mysterious pain that I have been having for a week and a half. Now with this new knowledge, I think I have been having this pain off and on for a while.

So what does pain feel like? You can touch the actual teeth without pain. It is more of an internal pain that shoots up. I couldn't isolate it very well because it seems to move around from top to bottom (crazy brain!). I have major receding gum lines due to the cement for the braces being left on my teeth and not cleaned off. Therefore the gums where irritate and pulled away. So I thought something was happening with these very sensitive teeth. To better explain the pain and what I am feeling it is like growing vampire teeth and to massage the pain away it is like wanting to teeth these vamp teeth on an iced baby teething ring. The reason I am calling them vamp teeth is because now after all the poking and prodding of my teeth, I am feeling the pain on both sides. I should have had an x-ray on the other side to see how that tooth is holding up.

What to do now? I have prescription toothpaste to buildup the teeth if possible plus desensitize the pain. Other than that I need to wait for it to die. The dental hygienist warned me that if the pain becomes unbearable to call the dentist any time of day so he can call in a prescription. Meaning the tooth has become infected and it will be time for the extraction and an implant! So it must mean I have to deal with the pain...? Well, if the toothpaste does the job maybe the pain will go away....? Good news is that the dentist can do this in his office and I won't have to pay the high fees of an oral surgeon.