irwinisms ...

on crocs & his passion :

Because when they strike it can be that quick that if they're within range, you're dead, you're dead in your tracks. And his head weighs more than my body so it's WHACK!

But I put my life on the line to save animals.

Crikey means gee whiz, wow!

Crikey, mate. You're far safer dealing with crocodiles and western diamondback rattlesnakes than the executives and the producers and all those sharks in the big MGM building.

Every cent we earn from Crocodile Hunter goes straight back into conservation. Every single cent.

I believe that education is all about being excited about something. Seeing passion and enthusiasm helps push an educational message.

I get called an adrenaline junkie every other minute, and I'm just fine with that.

I have no fear of losing my life - if I have to save a koala or a crocodile or a kangaroo or a snake, mate, I will save it.

I'm a proud Australian, a very, very proud Australian.

I've probably saved thousands of peoples' lives with my educational message on snake bites, how to get in around venomous anything.

My belief is that what comes across on the television is a capture of my enthusiasm and my passion for wildlife.

My dad taught me from my youngest childhood memories through these connections with Aboriginal and tribal people that you must always protect people's sacred status, regardless of the pest.

Sharks, I've been self-trained as well, and crocodiles, naturally. I've been catching them since I was nine. No problem.

Since I was a boy, from this house, I was out rescuing crocodiles and snakes. My mum and dad were very passionate about that and, I was lucky enough to go along.

Snakes are just very instinctive to me. I've been playing with snakes since before I could walk. It doesn't matter where or what it is, from the biggest to the most venomous.

So fear helps me from making mistakes, but I make lot of mistakes.

That might have a lot to do with it, but you know, I probably don't show fear, but I suffer from fear like everyone else.

The first crocodile I ever caught was at nine years of age, and it was a rescue.

The only animals I'm not comfortable with are parrots, but I'm learning as I go. I'm getting better and better at 'em. I really am.

There's a lot of research behind the scenes that you don't get to see, but I have an instinct that my dad nurtured from when I was born. I was very lucky then.

When I talk to the camera, mate, it's not like I'm talking to the camera, I'm talking to you because I want to whip you around and plunk you right there with me.

Where I live if someone gives you a hug it's from the heart.

Yeah, for some reason parrots have to bite me. That's their job. I don't know why that is. They've nearly torn my nose off. I've had some really bad parrot bites.

Yeah, I'm a thrill seeker, but crikey, education's the most important thing.

You know, I'm Australian, and we have got the worst sense of humor. We are cruel to each other.
fr: brainyquote.com

—“It is all about perceived danger. In front of that crocodile I was in complete control. Absolute and complete control. That is my profession. I would be considered a bad parent if I didn’t teach my children to be crocodile savvy because they live here, they live in crocodile territory.” — On the 2004 controversy in which he was filmed holding his infant son while feeding a snapping crocodile:

—“To hear people say that it was a publicity stunt, that I’m just like Michael Jackson, well, it just tears me up. It makes me sick to my stomach to be compared in that way.” — On the same incident.

"I've worked with more dangerous snakes than anyone in the world and I've never been bitten. It's a gift."

"It's CROC savin' time!"

"My number one rule is to keep that camera rolling. Even if it's shaky or slightly out of focus, I don't give a rip!"

Now if I could find his quotes on family and love. Thanks Steve for being a great teacher! OOOps found some goooooood quotes!!!! Here they are!!!

on love:

About Steve's love for Terri: "For all his love of animals, Irwin’s first duty was to his US-born wife, Terri Raines, who appeared by his side from the very first episode of the Crocodile Hunter."
Source: Daily Telegraph

Terri Irwin, about their marriage: "We don't drink, we don't smoke, and we are actually in love and happily married. We love our little girl, we go home to each other at night, and we believe in what we are doing."
Source: Movies at About.com

Steve Irwin, about not wearing a wedding ring: “It’s dangerous. Working with wildlife, there’s always the chance of getting any sort of jewelry hooked up. Not only could I put my own life at risk, but also the animals we work to save. Terri and I love each other very much and she totally understands that in my line of work, I simply cannot wear one. Terri, also, for the same reason doesn’t wear any rings.”
Source: American Profile

Steve Irwin, about love at first sight: "He says that he saw her in the crowd, their eyes met and he forgot all about the croc that was trying to kill him. It was love at first sight and they were engaged four months later."
Source: American Profile

Terri Irwin: I'm the woman in front of the man, you know, behind every great woman there is a great man."
Source: Abc.net.au

Terri Irwin, on love at first sight: "I think because he's the first guy I met that I couldn't chase with a snake. He wasn't scared. It was very attractive. So I met Steve way back in 1991 when I went to Australia Zoo as an innocent tourist coming to Australia, visiting the country, went in and there's this guy in this zoo doing a crocodile demonstration talking about crocs the way I'd never heard before, you know like they're, they're really passionate lovers, wonderful mothers, and he desperately loved crocodiles. And I thought, what is with this guy? And then as he bent over to pick up some food for the croc, I went, what is with this guy? And when I came to Australia and met Steve, here was this like reptile man meets mammal woman, and it was fantastic. We just fell desperately in love."
Source: Abc.net.au

Steve Irwin, about their phone calls after they first met: "It's my turn, and the phone calls were all about, wildlife and lust. I mean we, we fell head over heels in love with each other so we'd quickly talk about wildlife and then the rest was you know, about that."
Source: Abc.net.au
fr: marrage.about.com

back to steve :

wikipedia

I think my path would have always gone back to or delivered me to wildlife. I think wildlife is just like a magnet, and it's something that I can't help.
Australian Story : "What Lies Beneath" (22 September 2003)

If something ever happens to me, people are gonna be like 'we knew a croc would get him!'
Biography for Steven Irwin (II) in The Internet Movie Database

Born a wildlife warrior, die a wildlife warrior.
Radio interview on Radio Alice (KLLC 97.3)

I have a deep-seated respect for parrots. As gifted as I am with all other wildlife, parrots have this uncanny desire to kill me. I'm not sure why, but they're like my kryptonite!
BBC Interview with Anwar Brett for movie "The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course"
wikiquote.org

what fuels my very being

Exquisite!!!

A lone happy white cloud sitting in the western sky clothe in a glow of pale yellow and purple had front row seat to the most beautiful golden rays of sunshine as they stretch forth to touch the lowly earth and me. I could have stayed in that moment soaking in all the radiance! The heavens declare Your Glory!!!

moment captured : cornflower blue morning

what fuels my very being?

... creativity, paint, color, words, visual holidays, dance, marriage, joy, life, love, dreams, & my faith in God! I do get tired sometimes. I find that I have ups and downs. Mornings are a slow wakeup call for me. Please don't get into deep subjects in the AM. Being a quiet person I sometimes need to hide away usually because someone went and stomped on my very last fraded nerve. Even with those downs, I am renewing my focus and my energy to what makes me smile. I am not going to waver in the confidence that moves me. My passion is a keeper. Oh, to say these words:

'What a journey my life has become!'
~ Steve Irwin

gave all

gave all ...

When I stand before God at the end of my life
I would hope that I would have not
a single bit of talent left and could say,
'I used everything you gave me.'
Erma Bombeck

look at this beauty

save blue pumpkins for me ...

I am so sad and very worried. I haven't said much about my concern over the yellowing or dying part of the pumpkin vine. I just thought I would be over run with blue pumpkins. After yesturday's look I may get two nice bush babies and one but very doubtful jarrahdale. Last week I got my first look at the jarrahdales with two babies and a bump. The bump and one baby is gone. I cannot find them. The jarrahdale that is left seemed wet. (?)

On the other side of the vine the bush babies stem where they are being fed is rotting. I was examining one and the stem was so weak it released the bush baby in my hands. I am sooooo sad and discouraged.

These blue pumpkins are still green.... makes me nerveous that I haven't seen them go blue. Their time is short.... please keep for me...

The weather has cooled but the orange pumpkins go until October. Well, I just hoped too hard .. trying for something once again that was not meant to be...

mad chow : jarrahdales finally

"look at this beauty"

What I love about Steve Irwin's energy is he made you smile with his sure and childlike delight over the scary crocodiles. Underneath it you knew he respected the wild bits about these crocodiles. He loved the unloveable animals and allowed us to love them too. What a lesson for our lives. What a legacy to pass on 'loving the unloveable'.

I can not believe he is gone and especially the morning after Father's Day. My last and favorite memory was watching Steve with his young daughter Bindi on the Oprah show. This has been a few years back but he just made me smile. Seeing the enthusiam and exuberance being passed on in his daughter was pure joy for me. I also love how he just oozed love for his wife and kids. More of that, please!

We would learn a great deal if we gave all the energy we have into our families, passions and dreams. Our world would surely change for the better and happiness would well up within our hearts.

Thank you, Terri and family for sharing your Steve with us.

SYDNEY, Australia (CNN) -- Steve Irwin, the TV presenter known as the "Crocodile Hunter," has died after being stung by a stingray in a marine accident off Australia's north coast.

Media reports say Irwin was snorkeling at Batt Reef, a part of the Great Barrier Reef about 9 miles (about 15 kilometers) from the town of Port Douglas, when the incident happened on Monday morning.

Irwin, 44, was killed by a stingray barb that pierced his chest, according to Cairns police sources.

Irwin was in the area to film pieces for a show called "Ocean's Deadliest" with Phillippe Cousteau, grandson of Jacques, Irwin's manager and friend John Stainton told CNN's "American Morning." But weather had prevented the crew from doing work for that program, said Stainton, so Irwin decided to do some softer features for a new children's TV show he was doing with his daughter, Bindi.

"He came over the top of a stingray that was buried in the sand, and the barb came up and hit him in the chest," said Stainton.

Ambulance officers confirmed they attended a reef fatality Monday morning off Port Douglas, according to Australian media.

Queensland Police Services also confirmed Irwin's death and said his family had been notified. Irwin was director of the Australia Zoo in Queensland.

He is survived by his American-born wife Terri and their two children, Bindi Sue, born 1998, and Robert (Bob), born December 2003.

"The world has lost a great wildlife icon, a passionate conservationist and one of the proudest dads on the planet," Stainton told reporters in Cairns, according to The Associated Press. "He died doing what he loved best and left this world in a happy and peaceful state of mind. He would have said, 'Crocs Rule!' "

Australia Prime Minister John Howard said he was "shocked and distressed at Steve Irwin's sudden, untimely and freakish death," according to AP. "It's a huge loss to Australia."

Irwin became a popular figure on Australian and international television through Irwin's close handling of wildlife, most notably the capture and relocation of crocodiles.

Irwin's enthusiastic approach to nature conservation and the environment won him a global following. He was known for his exuberance and use of the catch phrase "Crikey!"

"His message is really about conservation: He really wants to leave the world a better place for everybody," Animal Planet's Maureen Smith told CNN.com in April.

"It's unbelievable, really," Jack Hanna, the host of "Jack Hanna's Animal Adventure" and director emeritus of the Columbus (Ohio) Zoo, told CNN. "You think of Steve Irwin and you think 'invincible.' "

Hanna, a friend of Irwin's, noted that Irwin's persona of the Crocodile Hunter was no act. Irwin grew up around crocodiles, snakes and other animals at his parents' Queensland Reptile and Fauna Park and had been handling such creatures since he was a child.

"The guy lived his life this way," said Hanna. "It was how he was raised. You knew that this guy, from the time he was 8 or 9 years old, was working with crocodiles and snakes."

Though stingrays can be threatening, their sting -- usually prompted by self-defense -- is not often fatal. The bull ray that apparently stung Irwin was "a one-in-a-million thing," wildlife documentary maker Ben Cropp told TIME. "I have swum with many rays, and I have only had one do that to me."

"A wild animal is like a loaded gun -- it can go off at any time," Hanna told CNN. "You have to be careful of that." But, he added, it's not the animals who are inherently dangerous, but the way they may react around humans. "It's not fair to the animal. It's only using the defenses that God gave it," said Hanna.

In 2003, Irwin spoke to the Australian Broadcasting Corp.'s "Australian Story" television program about how he was perceived in his home country.

"When I see what's happened all over the world, they're looking at me as this very popular, wildlife warrior Australian bloke," he said, the ABC reported.

"And yet back here in my own country, some people find me a little bit embarrassing. You know, there's this ... they kind of cringe, you know, 'cause I'm coming out with 'Crikey' and 'Look at this beauty.' "

"He has left a legacy," Stainton told CNN. "That people do love some of the unloved animals like crocodiles and reptiles that people wanted to kill. He's actually put a position in their hearts for them. I want that to continue. ... I want people to really go out there and remember Steve Irwin for what he really was, which was a great conservationist, saving wildlife and actually promoting wildlife that people didn't love."
fr: CNN's full story
tributes for Steve Irwin

utopian father

why we reach out ...

I had to jot down some tidbits from Robbie Zachariah. He really says it simply what you feel but never was able to say it:

1) There is one thing that woman acknowledge more than men, where children and teenagers express it more than adults. It is LONELINESS.

2)Out of all religions Christianity is the only one where you can have a personal relationship with God.
paraphrase

My ears perked at how pervasive loneliness is. It is everywhere and in everyone. So as I look out at my world, I need to see the lonely bits in each person. My heart would be more empathic. No wonder our hearts are always yearning to connect and reach out to others. We want to love and be loved.

No wonder that with each stab of my loneliness, I press into my King of my heart...

What a Friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge,
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you;
you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing
all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded
there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship
will be our sweet portion there.
~Joseph M. Scriven 1855

'Utopian Father'

I just wanted to let you know about what happened the other day (last week actually). I was sitting and going through Ephesians when I just happened to glance across the page and get a glimpse at the word 'Father'. A few thoughts raced through my mind there and then and all of a sudden it hit me. The relationship we all have with God is one of a child to a father. Not just any father, but the utopian kind of father I always had in my mind. You know the one that I always wanted to have look out for me, and guide me, and be there with me when I needed him. It wasn't just theory either. It was a real understanding that my God is my Father, and He has always looked out for me and guided me. It may sound strange but I kind of felt foolish for not believing it earlier. In fact I felt quite humbled that I had been so hard in my heart so as not to accept it sooner.
~ preciousgift / aug 24, 2001

Unfortunately, a lot of sons and daughters have no fathers or poor examples of fathers. It is sad that they have no clear picture of God the Father. They missed out on what I got to have in my own life. { I love you, Dad! } Yet, as I got to experience a peer be the best dad he could to his teenagers, I began to see that it is within you. I could see him ache for a son making some poor choices. I could see him wrestle with care of bringing his girl home under his roof. I loved his laugh as he tease his kids. I love the romance he colored in his girl's life. I saw the mundame struggle to keep the money for home and life. I felt his hope for his kids to be happy and secure. All those fatherly feelings he had is more so with the Heavenly Father.

Yes, Utopian Father is a perfect description of God. What is it that you dream in a father? You have it in God.

Happy Aussie Father's Day! PreciousGift!

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the Heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be Holy and blameless in His Sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will— to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the Riches of God's grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And He made known to us the MYSTERY of His Will according to His good pleasure, which He purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His Will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of His glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in Him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of His glory.
~ Ephesians 1:3-14

color me tickled pink ...

Being a messed up mix of 'ticked off red' and 'grumpy black' Thursday evening after hearing of a co-worker and friend losing his marriage, I was 'tickled pink' to find in my comment box Friday morning that someone had discovered my crayon box! You see, I have been intrigued by color and lately of contrasts life throws you like sadness of an ending and joy of finding a new color.

Kate stumbled upon my blog and read romance (verb) . Now she is off coloring her life and her marriage in shades of green. Yippppppppeeeeeeeeee! That makes me so 'very happy lemon yellow'!

Another contrast this week was the 'gloom of misty grey' wondering if the words you say meaning anything at all. Then out of the 'sky blue' comes encouragement in splashes of 'key lime green'. She got it!

Go out in that rain with your white t-shirt and runner's shorts and jump in puddles. Imagine with each splash all different colors of paint swirling and spattering all over the place. Giggles, I'm keeping this visual!

Thank Awesome Creator for sending a splash of colorful hope at this time when I am sad over a marriage losing ground. Thank You. Huggers

prayer requirement ...

I had a conversation about prayer. I had voice my desire to be comfortable with praying out loud. He voiced his desire to pray ... I mean really pray ... with his wife. "What a team," he said. I perked my ears to 'team'. So I wrote down the following questions in my question notebook:

* 290 *
How important is it to you to PRAY with your spouse?
If so, how do you start and nurture it?
Is it enough just to have a spiritual connection w/o prayer?
What value would prayer give your union?

I am making this a make or break issue when it comes to my future Mr Keeper. I am scared silly when it comes to divorce. If there is anything I can do to keep marriage flowing, rich, and full, I must do it.

Isn't marriage two people united into one unit? If my prayer life has enriched my relationship with my Heavenly Husbandman, why wouldn't it enrich a marriage when done together as one unit? Shouldn't you think of a marriage as one person? Sure you have your own personal dreams and you can keep them but when you get married, shouldn't you gain another set of dreams for the both of you? Isn't communication a key factor to a good marriage? What is prayer but communication?

takes one ...

personality vs privilege

Below is part of a letter where an argument was made that anger is part of his personality so deal with it. ‘I am a fellow adult, living an adult life, making adult decisions. Thought you were my cheerleader etc.’ :

From the book titled ‘Type Talk the 16 personality types that determine how we live, love, and work’ here are some statements that I found concerning my personality type that are not excuses, but rather explanations of behavior, outlook ... :
* Often seem aloof and sometimes argumentative, such behavior is simply the result of their attempt to stimulate the world around them.
*Learn by arguing, part of their continuing quest to understand the universe.
*’Friendly Discussion’ may be seen by others as hostile, even obnoxious behavior.
based on Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator / authors are Otto Kroger & Janet M Thuesen

Oh how this burned me to the core. I am shy by nature. It is my personality. As a child and a teenager, I tried but crashed and burned on trying to change myself into an outgoing person. I finally gave up because shyness is a part of what makes me ME.

Being shy gets a bad rap. No one sees you because it is like you are invisible and if they do see you it only a presumed surface. How many times have I heard ‘oh, she is so stuck up!’ What? No way! The poor girl is just quiet taking in all around her or she is just quaking in her tennis shoes!

I am quite glad to be shy. There is a lot of goodness in it like being able to truly listen. Shyness has also kept trouble at bay during my impressionable years. Being shy helped me from saying things that would get me into trouble. So as I saw the good parts, I began to exercise it and figured out how to flex my shy muscles into something more.

The biggest problem with shy is that people are uncomfortable around me or they say things like ‘she has issues with depression.’ I finally figured it out when Joy came to my rescue when I had a crash and burn in my life. Looking back I can now see that I took active steps to enable others to feel good about themselves around me. Especially at work I would notice that most people would just pass me without looking at me and by doing so they wouldn’t say anything to me. I am not good with striking up a conversation on a whim, so I just greeted with a very warm and animated hello or good morning. Some of them where very hard to crack but I soon found that most have returned my greeting with speech and eyes. They are feeling comfortable enough to engage me in conversation.

I consider myself ‘bubbly shy’ and I feel I am continually growing more full of the person I was created to be. I know without a doubt that others are more comfortable with my brand of shy. What I am learning is that you cannot say it is my personality so deal with it. Rather it is a privilege to engage others with Joy, Love, Peace, Comfort, and Tenderness.

So I am sorry but I canNOT be a cheerleader to anger. I think I can say that I understand the anger thing. It liked to cage my shy. Anger likes to take residence when you are out of sorts with your world. It is a control thing. So be the one to control your anger and your personality. Take that controversial part of your personality and figure out how to allow others to feel comfortable around you. Anger is not a privilege nor is it a right. You must tame it for the good or you will grow to be a very lonely person. To be an adult is to do better when you know better. I still have a long way to go ...

flat tire ...

what if I refuse to receive sour milk?

places & their names

* Sweet Home, OR *
Love the name but funny no Sweet Home, Alabama!

* Barefoot Bay, FL *
MMM, bet that place has some nice sand!

* Sheboygan, WI & Schenectady, NY *
Love how they sound bt good ol' Schenectady can get mighty twisted on the tongue!

* Toad Pasture Rd *
Now that is a visual!

takes one ...

* I know of someone who found out that his wife wants a divorce this past Monday. I can only imagine what he is going through tonight when he tells his parents. He values highly the importance of sticking it out for the long haul. He believes in doing anything and everything possible to keep the marriage together. He wants to work for it. He is a believer. For better for worse, forever is forever.

¡!Well so you would think. As I grow up, I am finding that there is a false lining to the phrase "It takes to tango." Sure it takes two to fight and two to make up. It takes two to make a great team. It takes two to harmonize. It takes two to lighten the load. However, life has recently revealed to me that it can take one to take themselves out of the equation, leaving the one behind without any means of keeping the promise they want to keep for life.

¡!It takes one to think of themselves instead of the team. No matter how hard the one left holding the pieces tries to glue it all back together, it just won't stick. What are you to do when they remove themselves from the marriage? MIA! <-- HATE IT

¡!I hate to admit this because I am a dreamer and marriage is so God-Brilliant, but I don't trust it or believe in it ... well, I still hope..... I being the never married single sort with such high regard for marriage .... well, it would be the death of me to have someone divorce me .... especially waiting so long to be chosen.

Dearest troubled heart & soul,
I will NEVER leave you nor forsake you, MY little one. You are right it takes one. It takes one to forgive... Look at My Nail Scarred Hands. Chosen and forgiven.
~always & forever
your Heavenly Husbandman
Heb 13:5

''Forgiveness is the fragrance of the violet
when the heal has just crushed it.''
~ Mark Twain

i know of someone : blessing for her

a cornflower blue morning...

The sky was a stormy cornflower blue reminding you of a moody October day here on the last day of August. The dark blue made for the most intense sunrays to highlight the earth with such crispness and clarity. The Amish and the 'English' (what Amish call us) homes had tidy yards and farms. Massive work horses in their yards right along side the dark maned buggy horses. White barns with a sitting area and tons of flowers all planted in rows in their garden. Trees standing tall with anticipation like something is about to happen(the turning of the leaves).

What a view! All because I took a route recommended to skip the in-town road construction and congestion. What an 'utb'(unable to breath) moment! What a mood-boost!

I live on the west part of town for the convince, but I am thinking that in my rich future (wink), the countryside on the east side of town would be great place to live for the beauty.

My poor jeep doesn't get out just for the ride and view with gas eating us out of house and home. It has always been to point a to point b. My tonka toy would just love to get out of the daily rut and so do I. What a joy for a countryside ride of total awe!(even if I was just getting to work from my chiro appointment) Thank You Creator, for such a beautiful and wonderfully made morning =)

moment captured : notice: weeping willows

flat tire ...

“We took the bikes on some trails near us. They aren’t just for walkers,” he was sharing.

“When did you get bikes? She knew they were thinking about getting them for some recreation use.

“We used the ones in the garage (parent’s garage),” he said.

She thought a minute. “Did you take my bike?” She had been wanting to use her bike and even been trying to figure out how she could store it at her place.

“Yes, I took your bike. Its just sitting in there rusting.” Ooo, that really bites she thought.

She looked away and barely before she could process any thoughts one way or the other, he raised his voice to an intolerable screech. “Don’t get your angry face on.”

“I didn’t even say a word. You are the one all angry. My face is thinking. Don’t tell me what I am doing when I haven’t done a thing.” She let it drop because his wife was there and she didn’t need to see another outburst.

When the she got so alone time with her mother, she got more of the scoop. “It was a spur of the moment thing and he asked me if it was alright to take your bike. I said go ahead but make sure you tell her.”

“Mom, he had two chances to make it right. First, he could have asked before he took the bike and second, he had another chance to tell me that he took the bike and for what reason. We could have had a nice civil dialogue and most likely I would have been fine with it. Talk about respect. He messed up the third time by get all angry when I asked a simple question. It was like he was trying to quickly pull a fast one to make me look like the bad one.”

“I’m sorry I should not have let him have the bike,” mom said.

“You don’t need to be sorry. He is the one that was disrespectful and he should be the one to say sorry.”

Not having a chance to fix things up between herself and her brother. She sent off an email. He wasn’t paying attention and he seemed to have cared less for what was simply a matter of respect. She knew what words to use to get his attention. Boy, oh boy!!! What she didn’t realize!!

‘Bro, the twin ten years apart is broken. (blah blah blah) It is respect that I am most livid about. (blah blah blah) You just don’t take something without asking. (then she got into his anger) You are always so angry. You are always complaining about your dog or this or that. I don’t like to be near that. (blah blah blah) Don’t yell at me before I even have said a word.’

No response until a week later in a letter. Yup, she knew the words to break his heart, but she could tell that he still wasn’t listening. For some reason the issue of respect also turned into her not allowing him to be an adult.

“According to so&so personality test, I have heated discussions that often others see as anger. You need to let me be an adult. You have no idea what I am going through. Besides I took care of your bike. I cleaned it and put air in the tires. The one tire isn’t keeping its air. Don’t worry I am bringing it back.”

Where in the world did he get that she wasn’t allowing him to be an adult and that she wasn’t being a cheerleader for him? She had wanted to him to see that taking without asking is a matter of respect and that he really had no right to get all angry about it when he was the one who did it. How did he get off pushing the wrong on her? Anger is ok because it is your personality? Funny, that he can take care of the bike but he can’t even make sure he cared enough to respect the sister. There is no way she could be a cheerleader for anger…

In a later conversation with her mother the respect issue came up again. “Mom, I would never dream of taking something without asking first.”

“Stuff is taken without asking all the time. The boys are always taking the tools…”

“Mom, I ask before I take the cherry pitter. I am sure you thought us to that it is respectful to ask.”

“I know you ask. But this is family. You share.”

“Without asking?”

“Well, yes … “

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This story really shocked me. The core issue for me is respect. I know there are two sides to this and quite taken aback at how the respect seemed not so important. The brother may have highly taken care of the bike, yet he mishandled how he treated his sister.

As with the parent’s idea of ‘what’s yours is mine within the family’, I know that with parents everything you own is not yours anymore. You will have to expect little accidents on your carpets and furniture. You will have your tools dented or taken and not returned. I say it should not be so. You need to be teaching your kids to respect the home and take responsibility with its care. It is not a free for all. Yes, you will have their back, but as they leave the home they need to realize that the level of care and respect doesn’t lower. Are you allowed to go to your neighbor and take without asking? I think not! In fact you will find the payment in a cell. Shouldn’t the level of respect for family should be higher than the ordinary person? Why is it ok to treat people within the family so cheaply?

her bike, her friend

Notice: the weeping willows ...

...on your drive into work. Must have been haircut time last week. They sure look good with their new-do.

A weeping willow is like a 1000 windchimes caressing the breeze with a calm soulful tune.

moment captured: sky bruises

her bike, her friend ...

facts :
She needed a way to band camp.  The current transportation was her blue kid’s bike with a white banana seat.  Being a teenager and needing to get across town, she needed a ten speed.  She saved up her money and paid attention to what specs she wanted her new bike to have.  When the day finally arrived and Sears was no longer going to carry her bike, they upgraded her to the next bike at same cost.  Now with the new bike, she could get to band camp and her job.
 
feelings :
She inherited a blue kid’s bike with a white banana seat from her cousins.  Daddy was very patient with teaching her how to ride.  She did master the riding and balancing bit down way before being able to start and stop.  Her landing mode was the bush in her front yard.  If she fell off half way around the block, she would walk it home and ask Daddy to help her start again. 
 
Riding her bike was freedom and a friend.  Many a summer afternoon, you would see a golden brown hair girl riding around and around the neighborhood.  Once she tried to play ball with other kids in the neighborhood, but her younger bro of two years said no.  So a bond between girl and bike strengthen. Bikes do not say no to a ride!
 
Hitting junior high came band camp in the summers.  She would make the trip by bike clear across town.  She had a white basket in front to carry her instrument.  At times it was a hard ride because her bike lacked the gears that a 10 speed had.  When she went to high school, she really felt the shame. Her option was to save and plan.
 
Her younger brother of two years, got a 10 speed.  She paid close attention to the pros and cons of his bike and made ‘a must have list’.  She had to have bow-like handle bars, no ram horns for her. She had to have fenders, no skunk stripe up her back on rainy days.  She had to tire rubber on the peddles, no spikes to injure foot or leg if she missed peddled.  She had to have a big fanny seat, no little one for her. She reallllllly wanted  a red bike.  After saving and ear marking the Sears catalog, off they went to get the 10 speed.  As plans go, she came home happy as a proud owner of an upgraded forest green girl’s 10 speed bike with all her other must-haves. A grown up bike made it easier to get to band camp and her McDonald's job. Her friend stepped up her responsibility.

Now days being grown up with an apartment with no garage or outside storage, her long time friend and responsiblity filler is stored in her parent’s garage until she can be reunited. With high gas prices eating away at her stash, she longs to figure out how to get her bike back in her life. The town has really doubled in size and traffic is scary those that do venture out on bikes. She isn’t sure how she is going to manage it. So she keeps brainstorming…

God's collection of tear bottles

jarrahdales, finally!

Remember me being frustrated a bit that it seemed that only one kind of blue pumpkin was growing and that I wouldn’t get any pumpkins from the other variety? Well, when I had talked with Dad on Friday afternoon, he told me the good news that the others had pumpkin bumps and that they where longer than the ‘round ones’. I was sooooo excited that I even had a dream about them that night! I know silly me!

Yesterday, I took my weekly visit. There were 2 baby Jarrahdales and one Jarrahdale pumpkin bump! They are a longer baby. Whereas the Bush Baby Pumpkins are nice round things! In seed catalogue the Bush Baby have a gestation of 100 days and the Jarrahdales have 120 days. It just seemed a little weird because all the plants had the yellow blooms about the same time. So need to worry huh? Let them seeds pop according to their preprogrammed way!

I am soooo excited now. I had gotten two varieties to see how they would grow and how the shapes and maybe the coloring would be. Contrasts peeks my interest! Amazing how something new catches my eye each time I visit my blue pumpkin patch. Seeds are totally amazing!

Mad chow: butterfly landing pads

Something Beautiful

Something Beautiful
Something Good
All my confusion
He understood
All I had to offer Him
was brokeness & strife
But He made something
Beautiful of my life.
Gloria Gaither?

laying down your isaac

laying down your Isaac ...

Isaac was a promise, a covenant, and a blessing to Abraham. A promise made to a 100 year old man and a 90 year old barren all of her days woman! (Gen 17).

Isaac was a miracle .. a good gift given by El-Shaddi, God Almighty. Who wouldn't cherish such a promise, covenant, blessing come true?

Then God asked the unthinkable .. the unimaginable. Isaac was to be sacrificed! God is asking Abraham to give back the good gift. A good gift so cherished and precious in Abraham's heart. Oh how must his heart have been breaking! (Gen 22) My vision of Abraham as he trudged up that mountain is a man muttering over and over Jehovah Jirah - the Lord Provideth ... He giveth and taketh away ...Bless His Holy Name...

Reading on Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son, the good gift. Because he was willing to do so, Abraham's God knew that what He gave did not become more important than He, the Giver. He came into the very last most desparate moment and Provided... on time.
thoughts from today's service

What is your Isaac?

My 'Isaac' is a good gift .. someone who came into my life unexpectedly. Instantly I knew this man was pretty special and was more than I could have thought this little girl could ever have come her way. I remember so well crying out to God with such gratitude for this guy. We just clicked like coming home and feeling safe. I knew I just could not get enough of this guy. I still believe that I kept God first always listening for His Touch or Word. Beyond my understanding, this PreciousGift is gone from my life. Today I realize that good gifts is most often the 'Isaac'. I am laying down my PreciousGift, my Isaac. My Jehovah Jirah will Provide... He Blesses Extravagantly ...

in-betweens
my 'Isaac' > PreciousGift

Worship = a way of life

What is worship? Many will answer music or going to church etc. If you are honest, maybe you really just don't know. I didn't. In 2003 I stumble upon a very simple definition .. best and most acurate definition of worship. Today the definition grew deeper.

1) Worship = declaring His Attributes ('03 joyce myers)
I strongly believe that the best way to declare His Attributes is through your love languange ('06). Declare with your words .. your speech. Declare by the quality time you spend with people where you break throught the surface and go for the deep. Declare by giving. Give of your abundance and most of your scarcity! Be amazed at the Source. Declare by serving others in love and tender kindness. Declare by touching others.

2) Make Worship a way of life('06)

'Worship has become an experience
instead of being a way of life'
~ Robbie Zachariah

The best way to make Worship the way of life is by speaking the love languages everyday until it is fluent in your life.
Affirming Words, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, & Touch.
Worship (verb)

self, teamship, & community ...

I've been on a quest to understand my longing to find connection at a deep level.  What am I doing wrong and what am I doing right? Then I started to create a visual.  This visual has my mind rethinking my game strategy for my life.  So far I have three orbits. 

The first ring is self.  To truly function in the human society as a whole, you really must understand how you work.  Balance has been my key to open up my life to engagement and wholeness. First I cut my life into two halves - personal and professional. So with anything that has to do with home, dreams, or passions, I keep it personal.  Anything that I give outward like work is kept professional.  This keeps me in check so there is no leakage in inappropriate places.  I have made another break down - my surface and my depth.  I am a pretty intense person and have grown to be more of a sensitive.  When others see my depth, they offen confuse it with depression.  That was before I found Joy.  However, I have been polishing my surface and have personally found that it really is helpful for me to engage others.

My second ring is teamship. This is where the group or couple functions as one unit.  There are differences but the strengths and weaknesses work together for a common goal. Yes, the dreams and passions might vary but as a team all for one - one for all.  Meaning that you fight for his dream as well as your own and of course he better be fighting for your dreams as well as his own. If your teamship is riddled with holes and you noticed that you two aren't in the same place, you better reline or maybe you labeled it wrong.

My third ring is community.  A town is a picture of what a mean. You need people to build the roads, others to build the homes, still others to build businesses. Each one is important to the community. It is the same with people relationships. With people we have connections and people have their uses. No, please don't take this wrong. We all have some pretty great times and experiences with some pretty great friends. Unfortuately, they don't always stay. Some expire, some just in end up in some other space, and still others fade slowly. Our times are good yet life speeds on without our say.

We often confuse team and community. They are different and if we learn them well, we will know teamship better and won't be played a fool. Teamship is sacred and solid. Community is engaging and flowing. Both are needed and even desired in our life. Don't hold a friendship close and call it teamship when it is better suited to be more of a community. It hurts you. And don't hold yourself in from others when it is more suited to be experienced like a community. Anytime you take yourself out on the town, know that it is a community... a give and take. You won't feel so alone.

try it :
Go to the movie house by yourself. See it through the eyes of community. See the teenage girls wanting to sit in your row? Smile and let them know it is ok my moving your feet.

step up ...

I would rate this movie a good 9.5! It doesn't hurt that this was on a subject I enjoy ... dance. It has a well written story line and the music even though not my style had me with its deep cello sound and other strings that you really don't hear from your local gansta car. 'Step Up' is about the sweat and tears of life and the triumph of being there for those who matter in your life. Excellent movie.

Take a young man in a foster home on the really bad side of town. He stopped dreaming long time ago and the best that he could do was be in trouble. A seed of a dream came through having to pay for vandalizm. A young man stepped up to complete something and in doing so began to dream.

Our lives prove fragile especially our future. A step, a breath, a sigh, a tear, a dream, a death, a touch can prove fatile or give life. Your choice to either step out or to step up. Get in the mix. Get sweaty. Work hard. Go for it. Be inspired to move...

movie review : the lake house

in-betweens

Being able to find a prayer that I can pray has enabled me to be still and let go. It has given me a place to go and then to find that it will strenthen my wings... { sigh }

'It's in the in-between that the real magic happens, the seeds are planted, the roots take hold ... and we blossom into who we were meant to be.'

all things new

all things new

I give up. I can't pray anymore without talking back and without bawling my eyes out. Night falls and all the daythoughts of what was pours out. Throwing a fit at the Heavenly Father's feet and wondering why there seems to be an expiration date on good gifts, I fail my quest to not worry about the whys and in up not being able to focus on how I live out my day.

I am fed up ... not with God but with myself. He has choosen me. He hasn't given up on me even with a bad attitude. He does not get bogged down in the problems of His world and pull away from me. He has never gone MIA. Sure there are times He is quiet and mysterious, but His Everlasting Arms are always present and around me when I allow Him into my space. { allowing Him is the key } His Love is Everlasting and my name is written in His Hand. { Best Inkwork ever } I need to stop the quivering lip!

I cannot pray for a new beginning cause that means something had to end. I don't like good gifts to expire, but I can pray that ' He makes all things new '. A new bloom on a good old house plant is pretty nice. So that is what I will pray ...

I pray that my old withered heart blooms again. I pray that my Joy lasts in evening hours when I am alone with my thoughts. I pray that Joy crashes into 'PreciousGift's' life. I pray that salvation comes to his children. I trust in the Creator who makes all things new ... He has not failed me.

'God's gifts
put man's best dreams to shame.'
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

a pure jealous love

sky bruises ...

I have always been intrigued by the evening phases. I love the way the sky expresses itself as it goes to bed. Silly me even has names for them and as of tonight named another one.

The rabbit hour is after having supper which is about 7:00PM. Looking out in the back 40, rabbits are here and there crouching in the grass. It seems they are just content chewing and chewing.

Then comes the pinking hour. This is when the evening sky is awash in pink. The sun dips low and the clouds glow. Tonight there was golden orange and pink clouds stretching themselves across the entire western sky! So brilliant I had to capture them with my camara.

Sky Bruises is where the sun has slipped down past the horizon leaving behind the radiant peek of glow. The long stretch of clouds once golden orange have taken on the color of purply blue bruises against the darking sky. I cannot help but love sunsets. What an Awesome Creator!

moment captured : hello Mr. Soft Wispy White Full Moon

tempation wilderness ...

Have you ever wonder what the purpose of tempation is for? For me chocolate USED to be a huge one for me. The hold on me was broken when I found out the cause of my daily painful headaches. True I will take a bite of chocolate and go about my way where as before I would gorge myself until I had a happy little grin. I can still fall if on a lonely night where my whole day went wrong, I would take a bite and still here it call to me. I forget and need to be reminded that is what the frozen blueberries are for ... to gorge on those and keep my mind off the chocolate temptation.

I am reading "Surprise Endings" by Ron Mehl. Chapter 2 is about tempation. What really struck me was how ...

' ... Satan often { always } offers us things that are already ours ... if we are willing to WAIT AND TRUST GOD FOR THEM.

Whoa! already ours? I am a sucker everytime?

So if I take in company that is potentially harmful all because I am lonely means Satan just tempted me in the area that I already have?

My dearest child,
I know how you long for a steady companionship. I know you see in your wake heartache of broken relationships past. You wonder what you have done wrong. Remember that I Am the Steady Companionship in your life. I have been there to catch the broken pieces of your heart. I whisper truth to your listening soul. Just be still and keep your eyes on Me.

Don't trade your relationship with Me for lesser human ones. Let Me lead you in this way. I have gone before you and I walk with you. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged. (deut 31:8) I am strenthening your resolutions and your convictions. Watch and see your faith become strong. Keep your eyes on Me. You are rich because I overflow your life with blessing. Be steafast. Be not afraid of this lonely wilderness. I am with you always! Love with abandon just like I taught you. Remember your friends I have sent to you. Overflow with My Love. It is new every morning like manna of old. Don't be afraid of breaking. Your heart grows back bigger and better. I Am the Heart Healer. You are written in My Hands and I hold you. Love with abandon ... I am your All. No trading.
~ always your Heavenly Husbandman.

Jesus knew well how the wilderness in our lives is a preamble of joy and blessing when we trust in Him.

The wilderness shows man the truth of who he is.

The wilderness of tempation forces me to acknowledge the power and care of the Almighty God.

It's a place without the noice of many voices that would draw us away from the plan of God for our lives.

It's a place of deep resolution and often where the deep convictions which mold our lives in God take shape and find their expression.

If a Bad Thing such as tempation compels us to rivet our attention on Him, it's a Good Thing.
fr : Surprise Endings by Ron Mehl (ch 2)

lonely day = important day

butterfly landing pads ...

Did my weekly blue pumpkin visit and found myself in the midst of butterfly fly zones! I am not talking about the small fluffy white or the fluffy yellow butterflies that are common summer occurances though they where out and about today. I am talking the big butterflies!

I was memorized by an orange butterfly with black spots on the upper wings with black lower wings. He landed on the huge pumpkin leaf flapping his wings. So beautiful! Then a big yellow butterfly did a flyby... about scared me to death. The there where what I would call rocky road butterflies doing 'your it' game or maybe they female and male doing their courtship dance.

I just stood there in awe of all the wings. Oh yeah, the blue pumpkins? I did take a peek. There is a nice one in the middle. Most are the green color but I notice they are changing to a white green. Wonder how soon I will see the blue....

mad chow: first mango & first black grapes

first mango & first black grapes ...

In my quest to eat Macintosh apple everyday I am finding that grocery stores are running dry of my favorite apple. I am having to suffer through red & golden delicious varieties. Sorry, but they are not
delicious to my moarning taste buds.

To kick it up a notch I have been trying out new fruits to go along with an old standard the banana. I've had my first mango and my first black grapes this week!!!

The black grapes mimic black licorice in their looks. Of course any grape is a joy to just pop in your mouth and eat away. However, the black grapes did not seem to make my tummy feel 'bloaty'.

My first mango was a very delicious treat. I did my homework and got a soft mango with the red blush. There was a bit of green still there and I probably could have let it ripen few more days. While freeing the fruit from peal and seed, I popped in a golden orange chuck and was rewarded with a yummy sweetness. I have this mango sherbet recipe that called for honey rather than the dreaded sugar that I wanted to try. I blended the ingredients and poured into my ice cream maker. It was frozen perfection!

Unfortunately, my things are deciding to up and break. No, I am not hard on my stuff. Maybe it is just that they are wearing out. Guess I've been keeping house for 10 years now. Sadly, my ice cream maker has seen its last day. I will look but I doubt whether I will be replacing it anytime soon. Bummer =(

mad chow : uh oh! NO pumpkin bumps?

berry basket ...

Last night I made my second basket!!! It is called a 'berry basket'. It has a wooden bottom with spokes to make the sides with a thinner reed to continually weave around the basket. With the even number of spokes it leaves a subtle wrap around design. Pretty easy concept to master with the payoff of personal homemade basket to sport around like a purse or to cart berries.

A lady in my town has a store and teaches class. It worked out perfect schedule wise to for my mother to make her first basket. It truly makes for a great way to surround yourself with a creative community. It has been said of basket making that is therapy. Well, I would have to agree that it is a nice way to spend time withothers.

The prices are reasonable plus you have the added value of it being homemade. The other place (Longaberger) will charge you three to four times the amount for one of these baskets. Great deal. Great times. Great creative expression.

1st basket

community : social isolation

transaction steps ...

I think it is a communication issue when it comes to negotiating a relationship. I struggle between being too nice and always keeping my hands off the controls. My only pay off has been a lot of hurt and broken relationships. This has got to stop. I feel that I can be nice without giving away the pearls and I can do so without controlling. It is true that there will still be pain because people are not going to like my new 'nice of steel', but I am a person too. People are to be treated with VALUE. Basic respect! It is incredibly important to regard relationships with an Eternal approach. The only experation date is the amount of time I have to spend love on others. I must make good on my investments...

1)Why not? Why not have a stellar relationship? A healthy connection is a growing one.

2) Where is the abuse, the abandonment, the weeds? What is choking the growth? Time to cut it out.

3) Recognize that your relationship is an 'ongoing transaction' that requires growth & you can openly call for change.

4) Be strong & don't back down. Be responsible & require change from your self as well as from the other. Remember how you would like to be treated & what you picture the relationship to be.

Even after mapping this out, it does not look any easier. It is extremely hard for me to speak out, but I am about joy, health, and wings. I can do this. Baby steps! At least I have One Relationship that is dependable and will never fail me...

a teamship quiz

uh oh! no pumpkin bumps ...

I checked on my babies on Sunday. We planted 2 kinds of blue ozzie pumpkins, Bush Baby & Jarrahdales. One side of the patch has pumpkin babies and pumpkin bumps. The other side of the patch has no babies or pumpkin bumps. Our name tags are long gone as the vine has exploded all over the place! So if I only get one set of blue pumpkins, we will have to open them up to see what kind they are. I paid close attention to the seeds. Bush Baby seeds look like pumpkin seed sandwich with a little filling between the halves!

Dad said that the blossoms are female and male. Of course only the female blossoms grow pumpkins. Hmmm, so I have all male blossoms on the one kind of pumpkin? grrrrrr!!!!

Oh, right now the blue pumpkins are green in color. Bro's yankie pumpkins are turning orange already. He calls his volunteer pumpkins from a pumpkin he threw out last year. His had about a month head start. He may be having his pumpkin display in September instead of October!

Love the going out to my pumpkin patch. So much mystery and delight in growing process.

mad chow : pumpkin bump

a teamship quiz ...

How people smart are you? How self smart are you? How good are you at relationships? Try on some of my questions for size!

1) What does pairing up mean to you?

2) What needs do you expect to be fulfilled?

3) What will you contribute to the relationship?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
4) How do you allow your partner to grow body, mind, heart, & spirit within your union?

5) Do you encourage them to be a full person?

6) Do know their dreams?

7) Do you have time to share & plan for each other's personal dreams & passions?

8) Are you bored by them?

9) Is there room for the woman to pursue what brings her personal joy over & beyond home & child?

10) If the man settles for a safe job to keep a shelter & to keep food on the table rather than taking a risky job that fulfills his passion, what does that teach his partner, wife, or children?

11) Can you be in a job that suits or fits you & still work on the side in pursuit of your passion & still reach your dream? Or should you risk all & go full tilt for your dream?

I know of a father who settles on whatever money he can bring in for his home. He feels his dreams and his soul shivel up. He has been convicted of some anger issues that boil inside. Because I care so much for him and strongly believe in your personal dreams and passions, this father should really strive for his dreams. Show his children to go after their dreams. He encourages them to do so but to really see your father actively go for his dream ... well, who am I to get my soapbox out on this... I am no parent, but I am a child....
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
12) What does your union look like? Would you make any changes?

13) How is the treatment of each other?

14) Can you renegotiate your partnership?

15) Should you set up renegotiation rights before you jump into a relationship?

Dr. Phil says we teach people how to treat us. This truly has been a mystery because whenever I try to renegotiate, I am the bad guy and the relationship is worse off than before. I am struggling right now. I have a family relationship that turned sour and a really goooooooooood friendship that I don't want to lose but he is MIA so what's left?

I have been out of sorts for a long while now. So I reread chapter nine (Life Strategies). I mentally reworked the family conflict ... not sure the outcome would have been any better. And I am going to tackle the other relationship outloud here in an other entry and go from there. Life is really a game. It is playing through the options to take a higher and cleaner road. It is a mindset. It is about growth.

my name ...

17 Though the fig tree does NOT bud
       and there are NO grapes on the vines,
       though the olive crop FAILS.
       and the fields produce NO food,
       though there are NO sheep in the pen
       and NO cattle in the stalls,

    18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
       I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Hab 3 : 17 & 18
Your name is important to your life journey. A name can cause you pain and heartbreak. A name can inspire you to great things. A name can break your will. A name can help you follow a great role model. A name can predict your future. Selecting names for your children can be quite a burden to bare!

However, no matter what name you got, the Almighty uses your name and even renames you along your this life of yours. Just as God renamed Abram to Abraham and Saul to Paul, He still does it today.

My name means 'dark valley'. I never let it bother me nor did I feel that it predicted my personality or my future. My first name comes from my father and it is a bit unique. My middle name comes from my mother. I am proud that I bare their names. However, as I had a major bump in my life, my name has really made me take notice of my adventure and my personality.

I use to carry a lot of melancholy with me. People around me saw the yucky part of me and not my smile. At the time I was trying the best I could but it just never seems good enough. I felt caught with no where to go. God intervined and messed up my life. Through it I found Joy. Joy is a personal lesson that you must really take on with everything you have. You are empty and nothing but with Joy you actually have to see God. When He is straight in front of you, He wipes out everything else. It seems impossible to explain and even harder to try. There has to be a God-Intervention. You must train always to be gratiful, to delight, to create passion, to declare His Attributes.... I sing hymns and choruses and refresh myself with His Words. I paint and I write. I exhale and breath in deeply. Joy bubbles up. It still amazes me to this day. I can have hard times yet Joy is ever present. Balance is key to Joy. I am a deep person yet lately I see that through my working my surface allows others to feel comfortable in engaging me.

As my journey has enlarged so has my name. 'Dark Valley' has become 'from a dark valley blossoms a Joyful one'. No matter how barren or alone I feel, Joy will be my drink, my fruit & veggies, my meat, and my oil.

name it : Precious Gift

lonely day = important day!

There is NO such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day.
~ Alexander Woollcott

So 13,505 lonely days are important?

"The Lord will keep you in perfect peace if you keep your mind stayed on Him." (Isaiah 26:3)
So looking into the Master of the Lonely Seas instead of the empty horizon is bringing the mind set to a comforting peace?

A bad thing like loneliness has a good thing like giving you alone time with the Master. (paraphrase of Ron Mehl)

"God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame."
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I had a God-Gift and now he is gone. Why has Precious-Gift gone MIA? Do Good-Gifts have an expiration date? Where did I go wrong? My eyes where always on Him. I felt Him in this relationship. I heard and moved on His Prompts.

Dearest King of my heart,
I don't mean to be a wayward child. I long to be more full for Your Cup Overflowing. I seek You. I must admit that my eyes look away and I sink into the dark cold sea. I can only walk on the water when I look into Your Intense Eyes. I am held up by Your Everlasting Arms. My dream is to be more of the me that You Created and Designed. I do long for true companionship, but I know yet it is so hard to keep that Your Gifts keep me in Awe of You. I love You more when I seek You. Huggers!
~always Your little girl

social isolation

Helllllo, Mr. Soft Wispy White Full Moon!

What a beautiful morning! I am quite partial to clouds but none grace the blue sky. That did not matter as the cool breeze enveloped my whole being settling my steamed out core from dealing with too many days of heat and humidity. Mr. Soft Wispy White Full Moon stayed to greet me leaving me to wonder if Australia's night sky is empty or seeing the brilliant white back side (or is would it be the front side)? Or just maybe he hasn't made his arrival into Oz's night sky. No matter, I am one fortunate girl to have a beautiful morning to start my day and Mr. Moon to greet. Thank You, for such an awesome world You created. Brilliant!

btw: The big puffy white clouds did come out to play later in the day.
{ happy }

moment captured : after the rain waves

eating out w/ food allergies ...

For the 11 million Americans living with food allergies, dining out, whether at a restaurant or a friend's home, can cause more problems than it's worth. Unless you're standing over the chef in the kitchen, the fact is you have no guarantee that the food or foods to which you're allergic won't end up on your plate.

Let's face it: Food plays an irreplaceable role in our social lives.

If you're heading to a restaurant, call ahead and speak to the manager and/or chef. "Let them know you may need to bring a few food items to supplement or enhance your meal," says Debra Indorato, RD, LDN, a Virginia-based nutrition consultant. Ask the waiter questions about how the food is prepared. "Knowing hidden sources of your allergen, such as foods fried in shared oils or nuts added to crumb toppings, can help determine what questions to ask," Indorato says.

Before going to a friend's house where food will be served, "let your friend know about your allergies as early as possible, and offer to bring some tolerated foods with you," Indorato says. Give your friend specific examples of foods to avoid.

The best way to determine if any food is safe is by looking at the label every time. The manufacturer could have changed the formula or ingredients since the last time you purchased it.
fr: article by Laine Williams

Uhhhmmmmm, I can live in my own home with my 36 food allergies but is very difficult to get others to support your style of eating. Either they exclude you or you feel bad because they feel bad. It has been a learning experience to make others feel comfortable with my new food habits. I am always thinking ahead .. how do I carry my 'brown bag' without drawing attention to myself. I am still learning... I won't go back to the extreme headaches. Once you find that freedom you won't go back.

mad chow : pumpkin bump
mad chow : cc: headaches

love of life vs love of death

'I love death as much as you love life.'
- terrorist

As long as there is evil in this world, there will always be war. But how do you fight this evil? How do you live in this kind of chaos?

The dark ones mind set is so foreign from my own way of thinking and I know the One Who is Mightier than they. So I know the battle is His and He wins in the end. However, I have this feeling that there is a way light must conduct itself like in its reflections that bounce and hit evil and taking it out.

I had a discussion today about how we should be conducting war. It boiled down to the mindset. What makes them tick? What do they fear? How do you turn that fear against them .... to prove that evil does not pay? How do you get the common people to turn against the extremists?

So they love death as much as I love life ... not only do I need to understand their mindset, I must know and strengthen my own mindset. It is all about contrasts isn't it?

If you love death and if your goal is to kill others while killing yourself to gain in the afterlife, isn't this about control the fate of others and even yourself?

So you love death as much as I love life and you think you can distroy me by bringing death? Who said I was afraid of death? I love life but that does not mean I hate death nor fear it. Death is a passage into Everlasting Life or everlasting torment. I have the best of both worlds. Life here on the dark shores is hard but good when you belong to God. And Life on the golden shores is pure Heaven.

life is a game

life is a game ...

To some life is about being a good self manager making sure you keep pearls from swine. To some it is about driving to the next success no matter who you mow down. To some it is navigating a big ship avoiding the rocks and keeping the course until you reach safe harbor. All examples of how one might conduct oneself in life, but here I am going to commit a 'no-no'. Life is game! Yup, I said it but let me explain...

1. How you set the rules determines how you will play.
2. You get to set the rules and the objectives.
- note - Setting the rules does NOT mean you control the game rather you can only control yourself.
3. Be prepared. You need to set up game plans for the obstacles or twists life will have for you.

This concept came to me as I began to learn the games of gin and of dominos from a long time game player. His childhood was filled with different kinds of card games. It was want they did as a family. He would teach me strategy but so often he would beat me. He would 'predict' what cards or dominos I had and I would be floored! Then he told me his secret. He knew the deck forward and backwards. I began to realize what I truly missed out in my childhood.

I have often felt so naive in life. It is like everyone is a player and I can no idea how. However, I am changing my tune. As war and terror have dominated my world, as reality shows have envaded the tv, I realize that I need to rethink. I must think out different strategies for several different possible outcomes so that I can be pick the higher road and not be played. It is very important to not play into other's hand nor have circumstances beat you down.

You must be self-controlled. You must know who you are. You must know your weaknesses and your strengths. You must know your dreams and your passions. You must know your purpose for this life. You must know what brings you happiness/joy. You must do what is healthy for you body, mind, heart, and soul. You must know what is wind beneath your wings. You must know how you want to play the game of life.

. ie .
I am a child of the King.
He gave His Son to die for me.
I believe & have confessed.
My name is written in His nail-scarred hands.
I choose to walk in His Light and in His Peace.
I am a child of the King.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I am bubbly shy. I am a sensitive. I am creative. I am a fighter. I am tenacious. I am visual and word smart. I am a painter of glass. I am a writer. I am a girl and a woman.

My weakness is a small bit of attention. My weakness is being nice. I need to be nice without giving away the pearls to swine. I need to protect myself from being too alone before the hunger of attention overtakes me.

My strength is growing through the fullness of my shy personality and enabling others to be comfortable with me. My strength is my listening ability. My strength is delighting in all the good gifts God gives me. My strength is my loyality.

My purpose is to bring beauty to this world and compassion.

My dreams and passion is painting and writing.

I long to keep titus 3:2 daily and walk in the Spirit. This is a struggle but I am learning daily.

These are my rules to the game of life I want to lead. Playing the game of life is really about controlling your own mind set and thinking out the different ways you can engage life and pick the higher road. I have been more mindful of strategy ... bear with me as I try map out what is bubbling up in me ...

to control his feelings ...

When you are full of joy and have a good attitude, you keep yourself strong. That positive attitude of faith paves the way for God to work miracles–it paves the way for God to turn your situation around! Be full of the joy of the Lord!
~ Joel Osteen

For so long I was defeated ... that is until God taught me about Joy. I found that Joy came by moving to what I could control. What I could control was my gratitude, my delight, my passion, my contentment, my appreciation, by claiming victory, & declaring His Attributes.

Control seemed to be the key for me. When you feel overwhelmed by others or your surroundings, it is usually because someone or something has control over you. You begin to feel desprate and out of control. It began to make sence to me! I had to bring an element of control back to me ... not to control others or my situation... Never!

It is work and sometimes it comes easy. I keep working out my Joy. Amazingly, Joy bubbles up in the midst of my world being out of control. I have a peaceful spirit now.

However, I was convicted this morning about a relationship, a relationship that I dove into with all my tenacity because I had leaned heavily into God and felt I heard Him. I still feel strongly about this relationship and what I gave to it.

"Stop trying to control life ... let it be'' whispered loudly to me. Here I realized that I was trying to control how he felt about me! It is not his issue but my own. Once again realizing that I feel overwhelmed, I must find the Joy. I must not beat myself for loving or for listening to God. That was the right thing... so back to the drawboards of Joy ... it is the strength that keeps me upbeat...

social isolation ...

Some call it social isolation or disconnectedness. Often, it's just plain loneliness.

An age-old ailment, to be sure, and yet by various measures -- census figures on one-person households, a new study documenting Americans' shrinking circle of intimate friends -- it is worsening.

It seems ironic, even to those who are affected. The nation has never been more populous, soon to reach the 300 million mark. And it has never been more connected -- by phone, e-mail, instant message, text message, and on and on.

Yet so many are alone in the crowd.

*The trend toward isolation surfaced in the last U.S. census figures, which show that one-fourth of the nation's households -- 27.2 million of them -- consisted of just one person, compared with 10 percent in 1950.

*an authoritative study in the American Sociological Review found that the average American had only two close friends in whom they would confide on important matters, down from an average of three in 1985. The number of people who said they had no such confidant soared from 10 percent in 1985 to nearly 25 percent in 2004; an additional 19 percent said they had only one confidant -- often their spouse.

*single adults 35 to 60
"Once single people reach this age they don't have a community. They don't really have a place to go where they can share their hopes and dreams."

*"Once someone gets divorced, they tend to lose their married friends. It's not a stigma thing; it's an awkward thing -- 'Oh, you're single now, and we do married things."'

*Having a spouse and children doesn't insulate adults from bouts of loneliness; one particularly vulnerable subset are parents confronting the empty-nest syndrome as their children reach young adulthood and leave home.

*"A lot of college students go through periods of loneliness," said Zanny Altschuler, 20, of Menlo Park, California, who is completing her freshman year this summer at Dartmouth College in Hanover, New Hampshire.

*"It's a very lonely existence -- most of the time the loneliness can be excruciating and painful," says the 84-year-old widow from San Francisco, California. "I have very few friends. They're either ill or they've passed away or moved somewhere else."

*"People are less connected to their neighbors today, and they miss that," Crowley said.
fr: lonely nation

This is the way; walk in it ~Isa 30
My way has been aloneness. Not really by choice and sometimes it is because after trying so hard and failing so deeply it is easier to find solace in books or a bike or painting or writing. I have been that little child where I was excluded from playing ball by my own sibling. So I choose to ride free on my blue bike. I have been the awkward tweenie and teenager that failed at making and keeping friends so I would loose myself in books. I have been the college student spending time in the library because others had dates. I have been twenty something and trying to read up on all the relationship books trying to fix me. I have been the thirty something making friends online and even those blow up. Lately my fix has been painting and writing ... oh yes, books too.

Deep within I am a fighter and I have tried and tried to be a good friend, tried to be more social, and tried to engage life. And that is where I am at ... engaging life...

I am a quiet person and need some quiet peaceful times but when I have had that time I make myself go engage in life. An aching fear in the darkest corner of my mind is when I am vintage. If I struggle now with isolation, how am I going to combat that when generation ahead of me and even my own generation begin to leave me?

I know I will continue to fight this even when I feel so alone in this fight. I get it. I am super sensitive to this because I have lived it and continue to live it... I will continue to do something about it. I know it is baby steps but I hope to look back someday and see the progress I have made.

where did all the friends go

go make a basket

pumpkin bump!!!

Just two days!!!! Wow!!! Ok ok, I know I am being very hyper about my blue pumpkins but for some reason I am soaking up this process. Maybe because I know God wants us to be in the 'seed business'! And to experience this process visually helps me spiritually... { I am a seed where God tucked inside my personality, my dreams & passions which becomes my purpose in this world. I am also a seed spreader where God would like me to plant seeds of love, joy, trust, compassion, beauty, peace .... }

I was told that the yellow blossom dies and becomes a pumpkin. I wanted to see this first hand. Two days ago I was walking around and around peering into the vine looking for the little pumpkin bump. None could be found. Sure I did see two pumpkins but not the very first stage. Huge reward tonight!! I saw with my very own eyes where the yellow blossoms begins to fade, the base of the blossom (what I would call the stem) begins to swell like a green bubblegum bubble! I was soooo gidddy!!!! YippeeeeeeYay!!!!!

mad chow : two blue pumpkins

at His feet ...

faith zone not safe zone
Choosing God's way, instead of your own, will stretch your faith and cause it to grow. In the same way a muscle grows when you work it, your faith grows when you work it. You may not necessarily like how it feels at first, but that is a sign that you're growing. God is taking you to a higher level and if you'll continue exercising your faith, you'll grow stronger and stronger.
fr: Joel & Victoria Osteen's email devotional

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1)

Go to the Throne 1st .. not the 'phone'.
~ Joyce Myers

God's 3 R's: Relax .. Refresh .. Relinquish

1 Thessalonians 2:18 - Satan hindered us.
Since the first hour in which goodness came into conflict with evil, it has never ceased to be true in spiritual experience, that Satan hinders us. From all points of the compass, all along the line of battle, in the vanguard and in the rear, at the dawn of day and in the midnight hour, Satan hinders us. If we toil in the field, he seeks to break the ploughshare; if we build the wall, he labours to cast down the stones; if we would serve God in suffering or in conflict-everywhere Satan hinders us. He hinders us when we are first coming to Jesus Christ. Fierce conflicts we had with Satan when we first looked to the cross and lived. Now that we are saved, he endeavours to hinder the completeness of our personal character.
fr: Spurgeon's Aug 7th Evening

Dearest Heavenly Father,
I am listening. To the outside reader it may seem a bit jumbled. It is pieces from here and there but I am seeking.

I think it comes to the fullness and completeness of my character. I feel him hinder me. I feel I am so on the verge of something stirring and powerful only to have something blow up here or there along the way.

With each hinderence I must fall at Your feet and look straight away into Your Face. I need You. I want You. I crave You. I want to have this fullness of character. You know what? I am trembling. I am afraid. You have said to cry out and I have been and I feel no where close to having Your Eyes. I need to relinquish... I give all my fears and trembling heart to You for safe keeping.....

I love You for loving me and not giving up on me.
~always Your little girl

Spurgeon : tipping point

two blue pumpkins!!!

Dad said to go look and I did!!! To my great delight there are two blue pumpkins on the vine. I think I have one of each (bush baby & jarrahdale). I am a little scared about the middle of the pumpkin patch. The leaves are looking yellow and sickly. Bummer! I am wanting a truck load of blue pumpkins!!!! There are still a lot of yellow blossoms so maybe my worry is for not.

I looked and relooked I wanted to see a pumpkin bump. Dad said he saw one but I just couldn't. A pumpkin bump is where you still see the blossom and the start of a bump! Again I just might see one in the beginning stage with all them yellow blossoms!!!! { ¡excited! }

mad chow : blueberries & nuts

grandpa's oil can ...

I am so glad I haven't touched grandpa's oil can with paint. I was going to put flowers on there but have a better idea.

I would like to paint a landscape using the different areas of both my grandpa and grandma's lives. I want a house with lots of flowerbeds, a garden, a latter, a fishing hole, and a cake shop. When you pick it up and look at moment captured, I want you to feel that I captured them. My way of honoring their lives ...

gift of family

blueberries & nuts ...

My most favorite of all fruits and most of any other food is blueberries!!!! I so love them. There taste is just perfect. I even pay tribute to them when I paint for myself. I believe you cannot have tooooo many blueberries =)

After realizing that the blueberries on the bush is cultivated and there is another kind ... an older kind called wild blueberries, I am planning to find these and add to my dream garden even if I add it to my parents yard. Wonderful addition to their golden blush raspberry!!!!

benefits of wild blueberries
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Children with nut-allergies cannot identify the nut they are allergic too!
The most appropriate approach for the youngest children with nut allergies may be to tell them to avoid nuts completely, Ferdman noted in an interview. However, parents can also teach children how to identify nuts by showing them pictures of the nuts or pointing out different types of nuts in the grocery store.

The findings, he added, "point out that parents really need to teach their child specifically what to avoid."

nut allergies findings
Interesting! I too thought that if you are allergic to one nut, you're allergic to all. In my own allergy issues it is the english walnut that is the evil one.

mad chow : yellow blossoms

gift of family ...

I am a soaker. I watched each person as they came through the line to pay their respects. I listened intently to their connection and their story. I paid close attention to who they talked to and their actions. I surprised some by knowing who they were...

The funeral was done by two ministers who where nephews of my grandma. I entered with tears because I don't want to say good-bye. As group of nephews, grandnephews & nieces, great grandnephews & nieces sang several old hymns in voice only, my heart began to soar because I have great hope...

My heart thanks God for my grandma when memories flood my mind. Isn't God Good to give us families that we are connected to? It is such a gift. As I look back to all four of my grandparents I am taken back to the memories and I see how a part of them I carry within my own personality. And if I look back upon my memories, how much more did Grandma look upon her memories as her days became long and slow? A great many of her family are on the other side waiting for her...

I saw for the first time a picture of my Grandparent H's wedding picture! I want to get a copy and then I want a copy of my Grandparent L's wedding picture. I want to have them in a sapein color and framed for my wall. I want to remember!!!

was this expected?

'Was this expected?'

This has been the major question these days since Grandma's death. ''I just saw her at the fair Sunday a week ago!'' ''I just talked with her.'' I just visited her.'' ''I saw her at CC's eating with your Aunt.'' ''So when I read the paper, I couldn't believe my eyes!''

No, it wasn't a surprise. Three years ago Grandpa entered Heaven and left Grandma. We were watched Grandma and saw her decline but come through. Lately she complained of her poor eyesight. This was not something she was going to put up with. She would lose track of her memory and wonder where my Aunt was. Her children were asking themselves what should we do now? Is she going to be able to say at home?

Yes, this was a surprise! No real health problems. Sunday a week ago she was at the fair. Thursday was out eating with my Aunt and a friend. Saturday she mowed the front lawn. When she came in she told my Aunt there were a few skippers out there for her to deal with. Monday my Aunt came home to eat lunch with Grandma like always. 6:30 Aunt made a call home to tell Grandma she was going to be late and asked if she wanted to go out. Grandma said to just bring something home. At about 8 my Aunt called to let Grandma she was almost home. No answer. Aunt knew something was wrong.

My Grandma had went to take a nap and pulled an afagan up to cover her and fell asleep. She woke in the Arms of the Almighty. What an awaking!

''What a way to go!'' Yes, it is the perfect way to go. Leaving no more worries for her children. No agony of a long illness. No crash. No long good bye where there is no recognition. What a way to go.

I heard that this kind of death is normal for her family. You wonder if it will be true for you. You wonder what you will leave behind...

...you also wish that she wasn't alone in her passing into eternity ... but then again she wasn't! The Great Shephard was with her all along...

honoring a generation gone

honoring a generation gone ...

I have many thoughts running all sides of my brain. What I was working on is put to the back burner and these new thoughts of about my grandma has come to the front. With her arrival to the golden shore, a whole generation has left. Even though I have experienced this twice before, this is different. All of my grandparents are gone. All I have now are the memories.

In my readings this year an interesting reoccurance of thought has come to me, honor your parents. It is one of the ten commandments. Why? Because God designed some pretty awesome benefits for us to enjoy.

* increases our own self worth
* helps you to understand your gender & how it 'fits'
* less physical stress b/c you are connected
* light heart
'The Gift of Honor'

I had some tough questions so I fleshed it out then I realized I had some work of my own.

: Q's :
How do you honor a parent who did you wrong like physical abuse or verbal abuse? How do you honor a parent who was never there for you? How do you honor a parent who 'used' you and failed to look after you? Can I honor a parent - in - law who damaged my spouse? Can I heal old wounds?

I have great parents so as I was fleshing out how I would honor a parent - in - law who damaged my spouse, I was convicted to look at a relationship struggle I was having. I kinda worked on it but then new things were tempting me away and I never got back to it. So here is the time to honor my grandma.

She was one out of twelve sibblings. (Well, actually there where 14 but 2 didn't make out of early childhood.) Her major quality was a strong dose of stubborness. Not sure how she got it. Hmmm, her stories do give me a key though, she learned it as a survival technique.

I must say stubborness has a negative tone about it. Believe me when my parents accused me of being stubborn when I was growing up, I was mortified. Looking back, stubborness in the right places keep you safe from harm.

Listening and watching her life and relating it to how I see stubborness. I have got a great teaching and I don't ever want to lose it. From one generation to the next and passing it on, I would teach my children the balance of being pigheaded.

the good
* protects you from sin
* tenacity when it comes to your dreams and passions
* will-power for the tough times
* perseverence when it comes to relationships
* persistent in learning new things
* firm in your faith - no turning back
* strong sence of self (what I call a good strong will)

the bad
* inflexibility when it comes to other's (not listening)
* hardness of heart
* resistance to His nudge
* obstinate against belief
* unchangeable in your ways
* headstrong and selfish

I strongly believe that having a stubborn streak in me is a gift. I have learned and I hope that I will continue to learn to use it for the good and remain open. I know with out a doubt that my stubborness has protected me as a little girl from those that would seek to harm me and make me stumble. As I grew up, I had let my guard down and found a tipping point. So now I seek a balance. When it comes to my personal faith, I will be stubborn and hard on myself to protect my heart, the wellspring of life. As I age I want to remain alert to keeping the balance of pigheadedness and openmindedness. This is what I hope to pass on to the next generation.

The past few months I have found comfort in His Words about 'from one generation unto the next generation'. There seems so many promises flowing down from those who have gone before. It moves me to make my generation count so that I can pass down greatness from Him above. I want to pass on the Message of Salvation, the priviledge of JOY, LOVE, & DELIGHT, and this amazing Adventure and Mystery! So I celebrate my pigheadedness and my openmindedness. I celebrate BALANCE.

this is the day!

This is the Day ...

... that the Lord has made.
I will rejoice & be glad.

I will enter His Gates
with Thanksgiving in my heart.
I will enter His Courts with Praise
for this is the Day the Lord has made
I will rejoice & be glad.

Shout for Joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with Gladness;
come before Him with Joyful songs.

Know that the Lord is God.
It is He who made us, and we are His;
we are His people, the sheep of His pasture.

Enter His gates with Thanksgiving
and His courts with Praise;
give Thanks to Him and Praise His Name.

For the Lord is Good and His Love endures forever;
His Faithfulness continues through all generations.
~Ps 100

There is a homecoming, a reunion, a celebration, a first time meeting of an Old Friend... I can't help but dwell on that. I want to enter each day with Joy and Thanksgiving. I want to enter Heaven with a heart a shout'en and my face a beaming! What a day that will be! But today is Grandma's day! There is a lightness in her step and her eyesight is whole. She is holding her husband hand and taking up some dutch with her closest sister. What a day to see your Master face to face!

Grandma H entered Heaven today