prodigal son's older brother ...

About 10 years ago I heard a sermon or podcast about the prodigal son's older & angry brother.  I am an older brother type.  I couldn't understand why the older brother would be reprimanded for his anger.  What he stated was true.  He toed the line.  He stayed home and worked hard, loved his family, and wasn't a heartache to his parents. Why all the celebration for the younger sibling?  How many times will this sibling get away with the talk but not the walk?  I didn't get it but I filed it away for later.  Well, later has arrived and I was right there being that older brother and down right LIVID.

Well, I received second hand news that my brother is "coming back home."  He is trying to restore and make things right.  Great! Yay!  But what made me boil was his excuse for living as he has been living.  He isn't a harden criminal.  In fact he has a soft heart and he likes girls who take advantage of him.  He married one and 3 years ago the it ended.  I don't fault him for that.  However, he is off trying to feed that want of a woman.  He has gone to this Christian men's group and it really touch him.  He stopped by Mom & Dad's house and was talking with Mom.  One of the things that came up was how he couldn't understand why his sister and brother really didn't want to have anything to do with him and that is why he has all these issues.  Supposedly he realizes that was a wrong thing.    WHAT? Ok.  I know that is what he had thought but it doesn't do anything to quiet how LIVID I am. What a lousy excuse to waste about 40 years of his life.

Let's just start at the beginning.  Back in our elementary days, being poor our parents every Saturday night would go to the mall to window shop.  It was a chance for Mom to get out of the house being a 1 car family.  I remember leaning over to by brother to say something as we were walking along.  He said "get away from me.  I do not want anyone to know you are my sister."  I am an adult and that was said when we were mere kids.  I am not angry at him for this.  Nor have I held it as an excuse to blame him for all my problems like he is the reason I have never married.  No.  Lame excuse.  However, I have given him wide berth.  I desperately wanted him to like me.  Mom had always said she wanted her kids to be friends.  Family should be the best place to have real good friends that will have your back.  Well, when I wanted to play in the neighborhood games at the ball field, I didn't because my brother was there playing and I would embarrass him.  Instead books and my bike were my friends.  For high school we had two years of band together, but I let him do his own thing and stayed away.  Very few people knew we were brother and sister even though our last name was not common.  Same way with college, we had two years and very few people knew we were brother and sister.  Giving him space did not mean I hated him.  I have always wanted to be close to him.  Maybe with years we would get closer.  I felt that allowing him to do his thing was what he wanted.  I have had moments of where I felt more connected to him in conversation than my "twin" brother ten years younger.  Those moments were because we are nearer in age but those connections have been so brief.  Because I didn't understand him, I have read many books about guys to help me get a man's world but never could I use my brother as an excuse for the voids in my life.

I have champion him all his life.  After he broke up with some girl, my little brother and I went to his seedy apartment house.  We got pizza and a movie.  We were there to cheer him up.  After his marriage broke apart, I got him Christmas things like a small tree and a lot of cookies that all he had to do was put them on a cookie sheet and bake and warm cookies right from the oven.  I wanted my nephew to know that his dad was good and that he still would have Christmas.  For his birthdays after the divorce, I was very strategic.  I got him things to encourage his gifts.  I have gotten him some art pencils and drawing paper.  I got him a book about the Hobbit movie.  Inside was an artist dream.  There were drawings of the different characters.  What boy wouldn't want his father to draw Hobbit characters and have them framed on his bedroom walls?  My thought throughout the years has always been what can I do to draw out his gifts.  That first Christmas he was invited to send the day at my house so he would not be alone on Christmas day.  I cared about his heart.  I have lived the single life and I know the dark corners.  I cared enough to shine light on him.

Mom was taken aback when I exploded.  She doesn't want me to ruin any comeback he is trying to make.  She doesn't want me to be mad at him.  Good grief.  I have always come around.  I will again but I so need time to process this all.  Argh!  The past three years after each family gathering, you can find me tattling on my brother and what the kids are going through to my Heavenly Father.  I am pouring out my guts and tears to God.  What a mess my nephew and his sister has to go through.  I don't care if they look like they are ok.  The bro is with a girl and her three daughters -- one which we haven't met because she is a troubled teen.  Come on!  I feel he should go stag.  Forget these women.  Get right with God and your son.  Maybe then my anger would go away.  Mom said things used to be black and white but today is grey.  Mom, the Bible is still black and white.  "Obedience brings blessing.  Disobedience brings punishment."***

Back to the prodigal son's older and angry brother--
I don't like being angry.  I needed God to be patient with me but to help me through this mess in my heart and mind.  O, how He has.  Each day He brought things to me like:

* I do not want to be disqualified.  Didn't I just tell a co-worker to get through and not wallow?  I must too.

* the FORGIVEN forgive

* act justly, love mercy, walk humbly with your God -- Micah 6:8

* Joseph didn't blame his brothers.  "God made me not you."
I have fallen in love with the story of Joseph.  Again.  Rejected?  Thrown away?  But never rejected or thrown away by God.  He was always there.  Redeeming the bad things.  AMEN!!

* Who is the enemy?
→ lies, excuses, duplicity, hoodwinked
not flesh and blood!!

* Am I not tenacious?
So what is a little more long-suffering?

Well, I have spewed.  I have pushed out of my brain and heart and into my fingers and out onto the page.  I can exhale and can love again.  Hopefully, my outbursts of mutterings after remembering some little history that proves I have always cared about him will cease.  And that red bump on my forehead from banging my head on the table will stop throbbing.

*** Adrien Rogers

the bride's veil ...

Have you ever wondered about "& the government shall rest on His Shoulders"? (Isaiah 9:8)  I may have had some wonder but I am living in an age of really bad governments.  Governments that war against its people.  Governments that war with other governments.  Governments that sell off morals and liberties.  Governments that distort truth and freedoms.  So at face value I am glad that the government rest on Jesus's shoulders. He has the last Word.

Pastor Stephen Davey has such a God-given gift of wisdom and knowledge and I love his An Indescribable Gift message where he colors in Isaiah's full picture of the government resting on His Shoulders.

"When the year of Kiddushin was over, the groom would begin a noisy procession to the bride's home.  ... After arriving at the bride's home, the two of them would then begin the walk back to the groom's home ... during that walk, at some point in the brief journey the bride would remove the veil from her face and lay it upon the groom's shoulder, and the crowd would chant a song that included the words 'her authority is upon his shoulder.'  Her life is upon his shoulder: the government of her life was now upon his shoulder.  Obviously this reference includes the sovereign rule of Christ over all the governments of the world, but what is lost is the imagery of a husband who loves his wife and bears the responsibility to care for her, and she finds security and rest in his authority and provision. That is the picture Isaiah is drawing!" (from Davey's message)

As a woman a veil over the face is a covering of safety.  In today's terms I see it like a pair of sunglasses.  Every spring I go for my Saturday sun walks.  I am not the most confident and have to do a lot of cheering myself out there.  Putting on a pair of sunnies help in my little mind that there is a layer of protection between me and others.  If they can't see my eyes, they can't see me.  Yes, I know crazy notion but it gets me out there walking!  So if I lay that protection on the shoulder of my husband, it means that I am allowing my husband to see my vulnerability and allowing his strength to shield and protect me.

"He's coming for you, and upon His broad, omnipotent shoulder you can, as His bride, lay your veil, as you surrender to His authority and His care and His provision.  We say to Jesus Christ: "the authority of my life is upon your shoulder.  My trust for care and provision is upon your shoulder."  We cannot fully describe Him, but we can fully surrender to Him. And as you place the veil of your dreams and your wishes and your will upon His shoulder..." (from Davey's message)

I love that I can lay all upon Jesus's shoulders.  I seek safety.  I want to be protected.  I don't want to be out there on the stage of life all by myself.  Gladly, I have a Husbandman that is my Shield and Defender.  And what broad strong shoulder He has.

It also means that I allow Jesus to govern me.  I must follow His Lead.  I am quite alright with that.  I am human.  I make mistakes.  I run empty of Joy and Love and Thanksgiving and Strength.... etc.  He never runs low.  His resources are rich and plentiful.  He wants me to take His Resources and to use.

I think in pictures and word-pictures and this masterpiece is one I shall cherish and remember and walk more uprightly in this rich abundant life Jesus has given me.

 

tease me again ...

I find it hard to wake up on a Saturday and go into work but is especially hard to find waiting in my work's email inbox a message about the ever popular CFO finding out a massive tumor at the base of his neck effecting the left side of his body.  Dread evaded my heart.  The air got real thin.  He was fine just the day before.  He is very personable and finds away to tease every individual working for him in such a way that you feel important and noticed.

What do you do?

I printed out the email requesting for prayer and started to jot down requests and hopes to ask my Heavenly Father.  It helps me keep my mind focused and not sunk down in fear and frozen....

• Salvation – always God's Will

• healing here

• eyes to see the Great I AM & His Mighty Works

• journey welll this assignment

• heavily lean into Him / TRUST Him / mind stayed on Him

• run well – finish well

• Resurection Day –

Hope built on nothing less than Jesus's Blood & Righteousness

I was listening to a suffering saint a couple of weeks ago and instead of refering to Job as a source of comfort, he brought to light John 11.  Now I too seek out the eleventh chapter of John.  

v3  "Lord, the one You love is sick."

v4  When He heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will NOT end in death.  No , it is for God's Glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."

v40  Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the Glory of God?"

Come Monday when everyone finds the company wide email, I'm sure the mood will have a heavy somber to it.   Yet as long as he pestering the nurses, we back at the company will feel much better but longing to have him back teasing us all again...

beauty ...

God designed little girls with an ache of beauty in their little souls. Am I beautiful? is always on their little minds. It does not change when little girls are grown woman; it just intensifies.

I was listening to Psalms 96 and verse six just clicked "Honor and majesty are before Him: strength and beauty are in His sanctuary." Isn't that something that Beauty dwells in God's sanctuary?

My brain went to the Proverbs 31 woman. Verse 30 says "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." Now this is God's definition of Beauty and truly is the fountain of youth eternal. I like that it is indwelling and that it can be carried within me.

Yet, when the evening comes and I am tuckered out, I just want to hide because my nerves are so shot. Or when I feel the welling of frustrated anger began to rage within because I'm not heard. What better place to hide out than His Sanctuary where Beauty and Strength gather. Sometimes I feel so depleted of anything good let alone beauty that escaping to something bigger than me is quite appealing. That is why I like Psalms 96:6 so much. It is a promise that I cherish.

This ragged dirty weather beaten girl can run to His Sanctuary. Here I can trade in my heated tears. Here I can let the Beauty soothe away the heavy creases in my life. Here is where I get back in line with His commands. Here is where I let go of what I wanted to keep tight. Here is where I lean into God's Strength. His Sanctuary allows for the smile to creep into my heart and face. This is my perfect hideaway.

a Race or a Battle?

How to die from cancer or some prolonged death has been twirling around in my mind of late. (My prayer list has too many with cancer...) It is often said 'I am going to beat this thing' or 'She lost her battle with cancer.' As a believer I shutter at these words and I began to question why this wasn't sitting right with me.

In Ephesians 6:10-18 it tells us to put on the full armor of God. Why? To make a stand against the devil's schemes. This is the battle not cancer. The battle is about good vs. evil. Everlasting Life vs. everlasting death. It about keeping our faith sure and strong. No wavering. For our battle is not against flesh and blood! Doesn't this mean our battle is not against sickness or death? Cancer is a beast and so very unforgiving. We feeble humans fight cancer with poison! How whacked out is that? I just want rip at my heart and scream on the top of lungs... that is how much I feel about this.

I always need a picture to deal with life's hardships and how I am to behave as a believer. So if cancer isn't the battle what is it? and how do I deal with it victoriously? I see it like in II Timothy 4:6-8. Cancer should be a race. Well, to clarify it even more, life is a race. Cancer would be a bend or the steep incline or a chapter in the race. It is not how fast but it about the endurance. It is seeing yourself running and there in the stands are others who have endure the what you have gone through. There are family members and friends who are praying for you and holding you before God. These are the witnesses like Isaiah 43:12 talks about. ("You are My witnesses," declares the Lord "that I AM God.") I like looking up into those stands because others have endured bring Glory to God and so can I. I also have ones that are coming behind me. I must be a good witness for them. (I use this in my singleness too.) I don't focus on the stands rather that is in side vision because my focus is on the finish line where my Lord and Master is waiting with outstretched BARE Arms to welcome me. Ah, what a bear hug that will be. I smile and if there are tears it is tears of JOY. Yes, I sorrow because I am stuck here with all those human feelings of loss but I have the promise of EVERLASTING LIFE. I am all good!!!!

Paul says "For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the Crown of Righteous, which the Lord, the Righteous Judge, will reward to me on that day- and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His Appearing." ~II Timothy 4:6-8 AMEN!!!!

We have two frontlines as a believer. The battle of faith and the race of life. I feel we must keep a clear perspective of both and not mix up the sickness as the battle. Our battle is against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil .... anything that would rob us of living purely and strongly for God.

No matter what you think or even if you think a bit off my rocker, the battle is the Lord's and He is the Strong Man. Here is another picture I love... 'How can anyone enter a strong man's house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man? Then he can rob his house. He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters.' Matt 12:29-30 See Jesus Christ is my Strong Man. I send Him to the door. I know I am safe with Him..... I will not be tied up. I will run free straight into His Arms. Praise Yahweh.....

working for a 'huffer'

To serve with gladness has been taking a lot of trying to stand down & re-coat my back for extra ease of letting things roll off. I just cannot work in a constant state of trembling and huffing. If I wanted to work in such a place than I would be a police girl in a riot.

I had to take this job because it was offer from the same company that let me go from AP when the economy down turned. I didn't want this job but felt that God had something to this. I really want to be creative instead of being a bean counter and mastering excel sheets. I cried out to God last night on my way home and I promised that I would not think about w@(& during MY weekend.

Last week God brought me a rainbow to take the bend out of my back, this week it is a new favorite book that I happened to get on Monday when I took a day off to visit with a friend who is back from Germany. (this day off made me work 40hrs in 4 days to try to keep the boss happy with no luck.) The book is "Come Away My Beloved" by Frances J. Roberts. It is written as God talking to you. I am eating it up!

This is what I am dwelling on today:
Safety in God's Will
My Will is not a place, but a condition. Do not ask Me WHERE or WHEN, but ask Me HOW. You will discover blessing in every place, and any place, if thy spirit is in tune with Me. No place nor time is more hallow than another when ye are truly in love with Me.

I direct every motion in thy life, as the ocean bears a ship. Your will and intelligence may be at the helm, but divine providence and sovereignty are stronger forces. Ye can trust Me, knowing that any pressure that I bring to bear upon thy life is initiated by My Love, and I will not do this except as ye are willing and desire.

Many a ship has sailed from port to port with no interference by Me, because Strong Will has been at the wheel. Multitudes of pleasure cruises go merrily in their ways, untouched by the Power of My Hand.

But ye have put thy life into My Keeping, and because ye are depending on Me for guidance and direction, I shall give it. Move on steadily, and know that the waters that carry thee are the waters of My Love and My Kindness, and I shall keep thee on the right course.

Wow! I have found a new favorite book and author and want to get all of her books. What a blessing to dear broken and weary heart.

prayer beeper ...

Because I live alone and because I am a girl who needs to get her talking in even though I am typically a shy quiet person, I find it easy to talk to God especially in my alone moments. However, when I pray for someone, I find it very awkward to tell someone that I prayed for them.

I have to share a story Joni Eareckson Tada had on her program, Joni and Friends. A man had who was paralyzed for a short period of time (can't remember the name of his condition) requested prayer from all of his friends. This man's best friend went a step further and got a pager. He had the friends send a page to the beeper when they prayed for the paralyzed man. It was a huge blessing and great encouragement to hear that beeper go off many times an hour and even in the night. He knew the there were people around the world praying. It was a delightful story for me and got me to thinking .... even Joni challenged the listeners to text the ones they lifted in prayer.

I am still thinking because I don't want to come off pretentious or awkward.... I often wonder at the power of prayer and I don't think I will fully understand until Jesus pulls back the veil. I personally not sure that I have felt prayers of others.... like some say they have.... a big mystery to me....

I should do some clarifying. I have felt my own prayers. It is like a lesson from the one room school days. I am up front reciting (talking back) God's Word that I have hid in my heart. I can see parallels and opposites. I find dots to connect. I come away encouraged - His Words and Promises have that way about them.... No, I am not saying my prayer is more powerful than someone praying for me but rather the act of praying shores up my feeble faith and heartbreak. It is the act of crying out before the King of kings and knowing He bends down and takes me in His Arms and calms my fears ..

Francois Fenelon, a seventeenth-century Roman Catholic Frenchman, said this about prayer:

Tell God all that is in your heart, as one unloads one's heart, its pleasures and its pain, to a dear friend. Tell Him your troubles, that He may comfort you; tell Him your joys, that He may sober them; tell Him your longings, that He may purify them; tell Him your dislikes, that He may help you to conquer them; talk to Him of your temptations, that He may shield you from them; show Him the wounds of your heart, that He may heal them; lay bare your indifference to good, your depraved tastes for evil, your instability. Tell Him how self-love makes you unjust to others, how vanity tempts you to be insincere, how pride disguises you to yourself and others.

If you thus pour out all your weaknesses, needs, troubles, there will be no lack of what to say. You will never exhaust the subject. It is continually being renewed. People who have no secrets from each other never want for subject of conversation. They do not weigh their words, for there is nothing to be held back; neither do they seek for something to say. They talk out of the abundance of the heart, without consideration they say just what they think.


Daily Light : EVENING

We made our prayer unto our God, and set a watch against them.

Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation. -- Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving. -- Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: whom resist stedfast in the faith.

Why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say? -- Be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

NEH. 4:9. Matt. 26:41. -Co1. 4:2. I Pet. 5:7-9. Luke 6:46. Jas. 1:22. Exo. 14:15. Phi. 4:6,7.

His Presence in triumphs & sorrows ...

'After the Battle of Gettysburg on July 15, 1863, President Lincoln proclaimed a National Day of Thanksgiving, Praise and Prayer: "It is ... right to recognize and confess the presence of the Almighty Father and the power of His hand equally in these triumphs and in these sorrows.... '

How often do we recognize and confess the presence of the Almighty Father in triumphs and in sorrows? This line just made me stop. How often to we stop believing because of sorrows? We just chalk it up to no evidence of God. Isn't it right that our plans weren't acknowledged and we are going to have a bad attitude? Shouldn't we embrace His Plan for us with Joy? Wouldn't life be better than claiming a hissy fit and walk off the field? When will we bend the knee and the will to the Master?

There is something to a grateful heart celebrating God in all the triumphs and all the sorrows. Joy comes even in the pain. One gets it when one lives this simple hard truth...

Hallelujah is more ...

I certainly have a bee in my bonnet so I hope that I can focus all my thoughts! I am huge on the meaning of words to the point I have pet words and words that I use only in a certain way. Then add to it that I am huge on the hymns and that this new 'christian' music is basically too much about the 'me' instead of God and too repetitive. Soooooooooo, there was a new song sung at church ... talk about 'heart'burn!

I have no clue what the title was but it probably was 'more than a hallelujah'. The song was about how bring our messes, our pain, and our problems to God was better than a hallelujah. I wanted to scream.

Interesting tidbit was that Pastor Steven Davies that I listen to on BNNRadio.org has been preaching on Revelations. He just happen to break down the meaning of Hallelujah. 'Hallelu' means praise. 'Jah is short for Yahweh / Jehovah. Hallelujah is a word that is pronounced the same way in every language. All this new knowledge as added to my fuel!

See, I noticed several secular songs of late have taken the word Hallelujah and really downgraded it. I have even heard people on tv use it and to me it blaspheming God. Oh, say what is wrong with the song sung in church.... Let's go back to Job. What are his words? "THOUGH HE SLAY ME, YET WILL I HOPE IN HIM" ~ Job 13:15 How can you hope in God without having a little bit of of a song in the recesses of the heart and without praising Him. Go to Hab 3:17-18 "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the field produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, YET I WILL REJOICE IN THE LORD. I WILL BE JOYFUL IN GOD MY SAVIOR." Wow! To be broken apart and a total mess and left up the pieces to God AND praise Him is what it is all about.

Bringing my messes to God canNOT be more than a Hallelujah to Him. I have to do both. There is no halfway about it. If all I am doing is bring my messes to God and forgetting or a better word 'refusing' to bring my Hallelujah, I have not learned anything at all. Let us learn from Job and Habakkuk. It is less of me and more of Him. He is more than worthy of our Hallelujahs even in these earthly messes. Oh, and get this 'PRAISE IS BEAUTIFUL'. Oh! Oh! Oh! I get it like a kid squirming in her chair with arm wildly waving and the tongue razor sharp with the answer!!! Being able to Praise Yahweh is the reflection of my soul meaning my soul is in the right place and is beautiful! I love that!!!

Praise the LORD!
For it is good to sing praises to our God;
For it is pleasant, and praise is beautiful.
~ Psalms 147:1
Hallelujah

cursed blessings ...

I have been reading through the prophets in the OT. Oh, the warnings about bad shepherds have really grabbed at my heart. These times seemed to be full of false prophets and misleading teachers and those who use half truths or water down the message. I have this ache for the Whole God-Truth to be told. I want to snatch those I can from the fires.... Being a NT believer I am a priest. I must obey .... I must honor ... in a time where it is not favored...

"And now this admonition is for you, O priests. If you do not listen, and if you do not set your heart to honor My Name," says the Lord Almighty, "I will send a curse upon you, and I will curse your blessings. Yes, I have already cursed them, because you have not set your heart to honor Me." Malachi 2:1-9

seeds for the sower ...

I think this is the verse I am searching for in my seed sowing with a co-worker....

"Now may He who supplies seed to the sower, and bread for the food, supply and multiply the seed you have sown and increase the fruits of your righteousness..." II Cor 9:10

I have been listening to this co-worker of mine make statements some in favor of God and some statements in disbelief of the Word. When I hear these half truths, my heart stirs up and I feel moved that I should stand up for God. I am not one who likes a discussion. I just don't do that well at all. Most times a discussion feels like a fight and I don't want that here.

I have known for a great while now that you cannot tell someone what to do and found a book that showed how asking the right question honors another and makes them do all the work! I have used this on myself with good results but have not much practice with others. So I have talked with God about my co-worker and have practice asking questions with God. Now to wait for her to bring it up again.

I listen to BNN (you can listen too anywhere in the world also in 8 languages). As she sat down to chat, good ol Adrian Rogers was talking about sinners. She just started talking about the church class she went to on Wednesday and the spiritual journey they where discussing. So I began with my first question ... 'You believe in God but you feel that the stories of the Bible are embellished?' She would talk and then I would ask more questions where I saw the half-truths. She allowed me to think and ask questions. I know that isn't normal!

I do believe she is seeking but the answer to one of my questions was that she is not willing to give over the controls to God to be her Lord, Master, and Saviour. She feels that God is gracious enough that He will take her confession before her death.... Yikes! Works keeps coming up and I keep telling her it is a gift....

I greatest hope that my questions nag at her heart so that she is uncomfortable with her place with God and that she will do something about it. I know the Message can be a stench to the unbeliever and a fragrance to the believer (II Cor 2:14-17). I don't want to turn her off to God. I don't want to come off that I know it all ....

I need your prayers for the 'seed' to increase and bloom....

vanished ...

Interesting story about a girl who met a boy on a blind date 59 years ago. They fell in love and were engaged. The boy gave her an engagement ring and went off to the Korean War. She sent letters but the letter were opened, read, and were sent back! She figured that was the end and started a life with another man. When her husband had died, the daughter looked up her mother's old boyfriend. Amazingly the old boyfriend was found. He too was a recent widower. They started up their relationship again and got married. She goes back to her home to get her clothes and comes back to find the guy is gone. She is devastated.

I can say I understand the feeling of lost, wanting an old love back, and possibly reuniting. I know because I have had a special someone up and disappear without giving a reason.

However, I know life is a journey. There is so many steps taken without that person and so many changes in my life that how can I expect that person to be the same person if I have grown and changed myself? All I have of this person is the very limited years when we exchanged correspondence and calls. Years have gone by and I still think of looking him up. It isn't really to reconnect but to check up on him to see how he is doing with his life. I hope he would recognize me and welcome me and yes, start up the old dialogue but that is wishful thinking. {{sighs}}

All I have is the guy I once knew. All his dreams, hopes, and his life stories. So I treasure them and shower him with prayers. That is one connection that will never go away - he is a believer. We will meet one day. I had only hoped to add many more memories here on earth before we crossed to Heavenly shores. Leaving him in God's Hands daily...

Maybe this is a reminder that it takes the other person to choose you back in love's equation. Maybe there is something wrong with the other person and God knew best then as well as now this isn't a good gift for a life time but just a good gift for the moment...

prayer battle ...

.:notes on Prayer from Adrian Rogers:.
JAMES 4
v.3 ... 'You ask & do not receive,
because you ask amiss,
that you spend it on your pleasures'

1. sensitivity to the Spirit
2. submission to the Father (Thy will be done) v.6
3. resist the devil v.7
---the devil fears our prayers
---God intends to win the war through our prayers
4. separation from the world
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I missed the last portion of his sermon and you know the notes need to end in odd number so I am adding a number 5!

5. unification to God
---pure living or clean living
---cleanse heart, mind, & body

The Word says to pray without ceasing and I don't have a problem with that. Living alone and knowing God is always there and always listening, He gets the brunt of my words! But with honesty, I have realized that I have used frustrating words and tended to end up crying. I realized that I was being quite selfish - mainly I was a brat. I have changed the way that I have prayed. I strongly believe that in order to have a good prayer life you must ask yourself how much you pray. Do you pray more than you read the Bible? If you do, you are talking tooooo much. The Spirit prompted that question to me and I was mortified. Here this relationship I have with the Heavenly Father was very much me talking toooo much. I needed to view this as a conversation. If I pride myself in being a listener than why am I not listening to His Words more? Reading the Bible and praying needs to be equal if not more reading scripture.

I can always use encouragement when it comes to prayer. I can always work on my relationship with God.

acceptance ...

{Sighs} I got word that I got the job in bill of materials even after what I thought was a bad interview by one of my answers. I had been a mess since I got word from the old work place about this job. It was an opening that happened once before and I ducked down not wanting it then nor do I want it now. Only by telling God that this was not my strength and that I would actually have to break my will so that I would come to it with a good attitude did the angst begin to die down. What was horrifying to me was Mr. Potts who won Britain's Got Talent came to my mind. He came to the contest a beaten and broken down man who had been stuffed into a job he didn't like. I don't want my dreams to die out on me. Anyways, I felt that the others who interviewed would get it before me. Nope, I got it. Now with unemployment you have to accept what is offered to you or you don't get paid what time you were off. This infuriates me. However, I have till Tuesday to get my attitude under control.....

from "Bedside Blessing" - May 19 - by Chuck Swindoll
'The secret to responsible trust is acceptance. Acceptance is taking from God's Hand absolutely everything He gives, looking into His Face in trust and thanksgiving, knowing that the confinement of the hedge we're in is good and for His Glory. Even though what we're enduring may be painful, it's good simply because God Himself has allowed it. Acceptance is resting in God's goodness, believing that He has all things under control - ...'
Let us not lose heart
in doing good, for in due time
we will reap
if we do not grow weary.
~Gal 6:9

To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: THE BOSS
Subj: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

"Humble yourselves under the Mighty Hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time. Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking who he may devour.

Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all Grace, who called us to His Eternal Glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, established, strengthen, and settle you.

To Him be the Glory and Dominion forever and ever. Amen.''
~1 Pet 5:6-11

"Wait on the Lord;
be of good courage,
and He will strengthen your heart;
WAIT, I say, on the Lord''
~Ps 27:14

Will my dreams matter here on earth?

the trust factor ...

I've been muddling over trust in my heart for a long time. I felt the underlying issue with a dear friend now gone from my life by his choice was the lack of trust - I think in anyone who got to close. I guess it means he trusted no one. Plus God has spoken about TRUST in His Letter to us 134 times in the KJV alone. It is all over the Word. A verse to sum it up is Phil 3:3 ''Rejoice in the Lord & have no confidence in the flesh.''

So this dear friend now gone lacked trust in people so that is a good thing, right? NO. Just like a believer who is angry at someone or something is ultimately angry at God. So it is with trust. When a believer is distrustful of everyone and everything, they are ultimately distrustful of God! 'He just don't care or this life wouldn't be so hard!'

As a believer our full trust must belong to God and when that trust is in the Almighty, the trust trickles and overflows into all our relationships. This overflow helps in the best of times and most of all, in the worse of times. We are not abandoned in a trash heap of discarded relationships nor are we abandoned in 2 bit jobs when we would rather be living out our dreams and passions. When all is lost, WE ARE NOT. God knows exactly where we are.

Being discarded by what I held as a precious friendship, I could go on being distrustful in my relationships but I cannot. God knows just where I am at and has led me through many lessons that where hard but has given the richness of knowing that I am precious in His Sight and that I am taken care of. I could be hateful and harbor nasty thoughts against this person but I just cannot. I know that even though this person is lost to me not by my choice is seen and pursued by God. God loves him and wants the best for him too. The 2 bit jobs are lessons just as the realtor job he has now that is on shaky ground is God Designed for great things in this person's life even if it is hard and he is shouldering it alone without sharing.

{sighs} I keep on praying for a JOY break through and for his trust issues. We do live a WONDERFUL LIFE. In God's Word an ABUNDANT LIFE! John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have life more abundantly.


Joy in Christ = strength = Rejoicing in the Lord = trusting Him fully = life more abundant

~ AWESOME ~

enticed? do not consent ...

Have you had a deep think about ENTICEMENT? Isn't an enticement about something you have set as a no in your life like a value or a habit you wanted to break or a food that is a no no for your diet? I was reading along in Proverbs for my daily fix and notice enticement mentioned quite a bit. So I decided to give it a whirl.

I can't have chocolate in my life as I am allergic to cocoa and sugar. It is something I loved and am quite addicted to. It is definitely a huge enticement for me. Just last week the computer guy comes into the office to chatter about something geeky and guess what? A beautiful whiff of chocolate mixed with peanuts filled my nostrils. I blurted out, ''You've been eating chocolate!'' Oh boy, was that ever a ravishing scent!

Ahhh, enticement is something that you have set up in your life as something that is NOT GOOD FOR YOU for whatever reason. I know that I used something that isn't totally dangereous but gives me a horrific headache which means that it is killing brain cells.... Ok, maybe there is danger but it is lighthearted. But God is serious. He warns of enticement throughout His Word not to say NO to His beloved children but to protect them. It is super important to get a handle on ENTICEMENT.

I like to use certain words to help battle 'bad words'. An ABSOLUTE or a life choice are serious words when it comes to my values or good habits I want in my life. Keeping an ABSOLUTE in my life is affirming the hard work in the decision making I did to make my values stick or the experiences I had to go through because I was enticed and never want a repeat. The more vintage I become the more I want to seek God and His Word and the more I want a deep and passionate relationship with Him. He has never failed me nor will He ever. So to abide in Him and refuse enticement at all costs is most important to me.

Word Pix of enticement? Proverbs 7

''My son, if sinners ENTICE you, do not consent.
if they say, 'come with us, let us lie in wait to shed blood;
let us lurk secretly for the innocent without cause;
Let us swallow them alive like Sheol, and whole,
like those who go down to the Pit;
We shall find all kinds of precious possessions,
we shall fill our houses with spoil; ...
My son, ....
but they lie in wait for their own blood,
they lurk secretly for their own lives ...
~Proverbs 4:10 & following verses

.. present your bodies a living sacrifice,
holy, acceptable to God,
which is your reasonable service.
And do NOT be conformed to this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,
that you may prove what is good and acceptable and perfect
WILL OF GOD.
~ Romans 12:1-2

ENTICED? DO NOT CONSENT!

hb gift ...

I decided that for his birthday this year the only thing I could do is pray.

A lesson that I began to get a grip on last fall was that it is time that I focus on what is solid and true. No more going with a gut feeling and this goes with the questions I ask God and my prayer life. What is solid and true? God and His Word.

With my relationship with guy who is a believer, I always focused on the Eternal. We might not be able to touch each other but we are in the Family and we spoke the Language. Because we were believers, I was always talking to God about my part in this relationship, however, my questions were asking for answers that would not be solid which means that I was going more on what I thought or felt what was right than beginning with God's Words. Look where this got me! NO WHERE. The relationship is gone and there was no fight to keep it. He just left and I was left with no way to get answers. It was hurtful and painful enough that I VOW to NEVER let the feelings get in the way of ROCK SOLID TRUTH.

So with the only thing being ROCK SOLID TRUTH - God and His Word, I have left this relationship as 'being knitted together'. (Oh, he was a good gift) Paul in many of his letters to the early churches starts off telling these early christians that he is praying for them and their faith. I love this so became the perfect gift so someone who was sooo precious to me who does not read emails and has moved and reverted into insular habits.

I took 13 days at 7ish AM & then every hour on the 12th day through the 13th day (since he is a day ahead) to pray for a Joy invasion for his life as well as trust, faith, & protection on his life. I used verses to pray. I also thanked God for the memories I had with 'the leaver' and my lessons learned and am continuing to learn.

A side note about keeping the focus on reading and doing what the Word says even in prayer, I noticed that I am not whining and whimpering and getting messy with my prayers. It is all about TALKING BACK the Word. I come away stronger and lighter. It doesn't mean that I don't feel sad or upset, I do still have all the feelings but my mind is being renewed.

It will be interesting to see how prayer worked here on earth when I reach the other shore.....

Ps 15: 8 & 29
... but the prayer of the upright is HIS DELIGHT.
... but He hears the prayers of the righteous.

AMEN!!!