Heavenly Snow in Heaven ...

sandboy: Looks soooooooooooo cold. I have to feel it before the Lord comes!! Might not be snow in heaven????


snowgirl: You are probably right about there not being snow in Heaven so you better start making plans. 

 But I have a couple wild thoughts - you know my speciality - where I see things from different sides.

 Maybe there will be snow because God describes our hearts that are cleaned through the blood of Christ as white as snow. When you you go through the dark rainy muddy days of November and see the world transform into a winter wonderland, you gave a new take on beauty.

 Another thought that is really out there is that yes, we will know things but when we get to Heaven, I think we will get to discover more and more about God. What better why to Praise God than to get excited about learning more and more about Him. If I can't continue this discovery that I so enjoy here on earth, I'm afraid that Heaven would be a bit boring and God wouldn't have that! So what does this discovery look like? God has this huge library of HIStory. Not only is it full of books for the book lovers but it is out this world state of the art multimedia room. Better than anything Apple could dream up. You know how people describe it as a tapestry and we only see one side of it … well, I think we will get to see how God wove everything together but better yet I think we can step into that HIStory and experience how all the intricate details came together. Mind blowing!!!!! I can't wait!!!!!!! We will be able to see our part of HIStory but others too and how God worked all things together. Like Abe Lincoln or King David or Queen Esther etc. So why not experience the creation of things He created like snow. Again I think enjoying the snow like walking in it or throwing a few snowballs or making snow angels or snowmen or stuffing snow playfully down the neck of a loved one is enjoying God.

 I know that it is more likely that the new earth will be like it was before the flood but this girl has some wild thoughts and can't wait to see how He will reveal Himself to us.


sandboy:  I think you are right to assume there will be exciting days with our Lord; experiencing Him dwelling in us as One. And I think there are excitingly interesting things to do and see when we go to be with Him.

He is a creator. No; better; He is the Creator of creators. So I think it's fairly safe to say He will go on creating; it's His nature and character to create.   What wonderful things will He create, and what wonderful things will we create with Him? 

Wondrous times ahead indeed!!

As a side thought, if He is revealed in creation, and Creation is an expression of Him (Rom 1:20), and He has no end, then does it suggest that there will be no end to Him expressing Himself, and so no end to His creating?

Giving and Forgiving ...

What makes life worth the living

Is our giving and forgiving;

Giving tiny bits of kindness

That will leave a JOY behind us,

And forgiving bitter trifles 

That the right word often stifles,

For the little things are bigger

Than we often stop to figure.

What makes life worth the living

Is our giving and forgiving.

~ poem written by Thomas Grant Springer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ahhh, yes!  It is those little things.... those enjoyable things.... that are soooo huge.  Like his laughter.  Like his insight.  Like his love of God.  Like his gentleness with oh so shy me.  Like his words of encouragement.  I hold those so dear in my heart....  I will forgive to have all those precious little things back ... I did and phew! my heart has grown bigger than ever .... I think I shall burst!

I will wait for you ...

If it takes forever I will wait for you

For a thousand summers I will wait for you

Till you're back beside me, till I'm holding you

Till I hear you sigh here in my arms

Anywhere you wander, anywhere you go

Every day remember how I love you so

In your heart believe what in my heart I know

That forever more I'll wait for you

The clock will tick away the hours one by one

Then the time will come when all the waiting's done

The time when you return and find me here and run

Straight to my waiting arms

If it takes forever I will wait for you

For a thousand summers I will wait for you

Till you're here beside me, till I'm touching you

And forevermore sharing your love

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I heard this songon the Lawrence Welk show tonight.  I had to search for the lyrics... and note it here.  See I waited for someone.  I didn't think he would come back and was pleasantly surprised.  Now the question to why did I wait comes up.  Hard to explain.  It does have to be the right person.  I suppose it is only right that if I truly don't understand why he went away that he won't understand totally why I stayed.  I chalk it up to God's Knowing and His Doing.  I am so grateful because God made me better through his leaving and it could be possible that the one who left needed me to wait for him.  God's Ways are a bit mysterious yet I love that about Him.  

what a way to go!

Whew!  All the 911 stuff brings up a lot of feelings.  A question has come to mind as I hear the stories all over again.  If I had a hubby who called me to tell me good bye before he met the Lord, what would I say?

The answer comes quickly.  Psalms 23 seems top on everyone's list but for me it would be Psalms 100.  This particular Psalms gives such strength and gives you something constructive to do when chaos is raining down all around you and when you feel the fires heat bear down your neck and when you feel the foundations give way .....

Psalms 100
Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands.

The battle is the Lord's.  What is a joyful shout but a battle cry?  

Serve the Lord with gladness;

... even in difficult times, even in a blaze of fire, even when you storm the terrorist in a plane headed for the White House, even if you are all alone gasping for the next breath of air,...

come before His Presence with singing.

Singing changes your brain for the better even if all you can get out is a few whimpering notes... He hears you.  He is with you.  He is singing over you.  Can't you hear Him singing?

Know that the Lord, He is God; it is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
we are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

We were made by His Hand and He has plans for us.  We are weak.  He is strong.  He is our Hope and all we have to do is trust and obey Him.  What a Great Shepherd He is.  We are NEVER EVER FORSAKEN!  Keep marching onward! 

Enter into His Gates with Thanksgiving, and into His Courts with Praise, be thankful to Him, and bless His Holy Name.

If is time to go on into Glory what better way to do so than with thanksgiving when meeting God face to face.  If is time to stay here and come before Him in prayer and all is taken from my hand, it is His plan not my own and I will come before Him and thank Him for what I did have and will wait upon the Lord for what is and is to come.

For the Lord is good; His Mercy is everlasting, and His Truth endures to all generations.

Yes, the kids will know not only their earthy father but their Heavenly Father as well.  God is both Protector and Provider.  We shall meet again.  I have the memories.  We serve and love the One True God.  Those who come behind us will know of our love for each other but more importantly for our Lord and Master.

The visuals are overloading my mind as I step into the 'shoes'.  I am sure the emotions would be raw and the cracks would be in my voice but what strength I find in Psalms 100 and would want to give it out to my loved ones whether or not it was me facing the my final (finest) hours or it was my loves ones.  

O to enter HIS GATES a shouting!!!!!  with all the JOY within me bursting out of all my seams!  What a way to go!!!!  

who will help me?

An interesting conversation came up when I went down to help finish up the odds and ends of my little brother's classroom.  He is a counselor for emotionally challenged kids and this year they moved the alternative school to an abandoned elementary school.  He was excited to get a classroom where he could spread out a bit and to keep it a place where kids can come in and relax.  He cannot use any time to prep the room.  He has to focus his time on his kids.  I jumped at the chance to help him flesh out his vision on my days off from my job.

It was Friday before school started for the year.  I arrived 9:30AM and he gave me the low down of what he wanted to finish for the day.  So I set about cutting out maps and other things as he was dragged off to help newbies.  In fact he spent most of his time helping others out.  He was frustrated that he couldn't spend more time helping me get his room in order.  I kept telling him that was the reason I came to help.  I was that extra body.  We didn't finish until 8:30PM.

He still fussed a bit saying that "I am helping everyone else and I can't get my stuff done.  Who helps me?" What blurted out of my mouth was quite profound because I spent no time thinking about it.  "You help others and they can't help you but you have other helpers that come along to help you that you probably won't be able to help back.  You 'help' it forward like the pay it forward concept." The minute I said it I knew that I did not believe it to be true.  It just feels that you help and help and where is your help?  I truly knew how he felt.

Even two weeks since, I am still weighing it out.  I know myself well enough to know that I am a helper through and through.  I have the mother instinct and can sense danger before it happens and does something about it.  I have this mother protecter instinct and to think I have no kids.  I am a first born so it does come naturally.  Now that my siblings and I are adults I find that I am now a family keeper trying to keep us all together as life wants to pull us apart.  I notice that this helper instinct is my spiritual gift.  I can come along a leader or someone who needs help and know what to do to help bring their dream alive.  We all need help even helpers.  So what do you do when you are feeling empty and at wits end?

I know that God is my Help.  Hiding away His Word in my heart and resting in His Assurances is a must.  When I am full I can bubble over and fill others .... 

to be made perfect ...

"God doesn't give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need to help you, to hurt you, to have you, to love you, and to make you into the person you were meant to be."

I saw this quote and wrote it down. I wanted to think about it. Is this true? Is it Biblical?

I have this special person that came into my life. There is such a connection that it indescribable. I've learned so much from him and then he hurt me by his disappearance even though it was not his intention. God taught me so much in those bleak days that the wound isn't something I will give up. It is liked I earned it and painfully. It is mine. I want to remember and never forget because God revealed Himself and I have fallen in love God and His Word.  I want to fall more and more in love with God.  To be smitten the rest of my days.... Truly Joyfullllllllllllll!

It is true that God brings people into your life.  This one was most definitely one I wanted.  We had connection and now some history.  We are learning to do the 'one anothers' and to being made perfect for His Glory.

Genesis 50:19 But Joseph said to them, “Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God?20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

my 15,340 day ...

Dear Heavenly Father,
Of late I have been numbering my days along the lines of noting how in the most alone times of my life, I was not alone. Thank You, Heavenly Father for being there all along. During those elementary years I was learning to obey my parents but ultimately learning to love You. I can see You there smiling upon me as I stood on my faith. Even in those crazy teenage years where I would cry myself to sleep because I was so sad and wondering why You would even create me. What was Your purpose for me? You were listening so quietly but allowing me to discover the importance of valuing others. Then those those lousy self help twenty something years where I kept trying to fix myself, You were waiting to for me to stop and let you God-help me. Then in the thirties where I was choosing the wrong path and yet trying to hold onto You, You were waiting for me to choose You only. Each step of the way, You were there. Even today when I like to take off from work and indulge myself on all things fun, I couldn't and I was scared that it would be another blurring hassle filled day at work. You surprised me again and give me a quiet day where I could catch up. Just what I needed. Thank You that on a special day that was basically ordinary, You cared for me ever so deeply.

As this day has approached, I am more at peace with myself because I am more at peace with You. You gave me the Joy epiphany I so needed and now you are showing me that I do indeed have a very special love story all my own. It doesn't matter that I am single, I've got love! I cannot wait to flesh out Your Passion for me onto paper.

Thank You for Your Gift of Salvation and ultimately Your Presence. I rest most confidently upon You never leaving me nor forsaking me. I am truly blessed.

always Yours,
keeper

He has not abhorred the afflicted ...

When I struggle with the stuff of life, I like to find something from God's word to hold onto. Last year it had been cancer and five days into the new year a co-worker died from leukemia. This one was different because I don't know where she will be for eternity.

My thoughts were troubled as I heard the country pastor give the plan of salvation at her funeral and I wondered how many ears where closed. My heart harbors a hope for a co-worker to know my Savior.

I have seen the ravages of cancer plague human body. I can't help but see this short lived affliction as a small taste of hell with its long term torment of body, mind, heart, and soul. This alone would drive me to my Savior but to most this is just a silly notion.

Getting back to finding Scripture to carry in my heart, I usually pause when I find a crying out from misery and suffering like what you find in Job and the Psalms. I was reading Psalms 22 on Kindle where it is a fresh copy with no personal notes to remind me of past gleanings. Here was a horrific lament to the Heavenly Father. What torture did this poor soul went through at the hands of mere men. I could see cancer here in a human form. However, I was stopped in a silent gasp as I read that this was my Jesus that was crying out. What peace I know as Jesus has traveled here. If He went through all of this while His Heavenly Father looked away because He carried my ugly sin, I can carry this Scripture close and walk hand in hand with the Nail Pierced One knowing that this can't take me from Him. I want others to know this Great Love too.

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; Do not be discouraged."
~ Deut. 31:8

Are you feeling it? You want it? You can.

gift of mercy ...

Yikes, another believer from my childhood is nearing this life's finishing line with the same kind of cancer that Cathy died of ... pancreatic cancer. This cancer is a beast. This believer is a grandma with kids my age. Her husband is a big man but this is too much for him. His lower lip and belly quiver with grief. He does not want to let go. My heart goes out to them.

God is trying to teach something as I am trying to grasp it. I went up to see Cathy in a spur of the moment and wasn't sure what to expect. I felt awkward because Cathy was a very tired and drugged up coming back from surgery but I did come away with a better since of how to pray for the family. Praying is something I can do when all else fails me. Then I heard Chuck Swindoll talk a little about the gift of mercy and then in my Bible reading I went through Job.

What grabbed my ears when Swindoll talked about the gift of mercy was that it is displayed in someone when they are quiet and with out words at a sick bedside or a death bed. Now some people have that gift naturally but I think all believers should practice this gift. What I have going for me is that I am naturally quiet and even if I have words, I don't say them because I am very shy. What I don't have going for me is that I feel awkward and feel like a heal for not being able to put others at ease. It doesn't mean my mind is blank. It is going a mile a minute especially leading up to the moment. So maybe God is teaching me how to use my quiet for mercy...

I remember a conversation with a dear one about Job. We agreed that Job was difficult. I left it that the best part was where God is speaking at the end. That was then and this is now. So what is the purpose of Job? Job is a good read when you are sick or dying because he goes into great detail about how his body looks and how horrible he feels. You are not alone. Someone else knows just how you feel physically and even asks what you want to ask emotionally. Job is a good read if you are a friend because you know what NOT to say! Just keep your mouth shut! Job is a good read if you are a spouse and you are experiencing the second hand stress of how your spouse is hurting and you don't know what to do. Be the support and don't tell them to curse God and die. Job is not a book that stands alone. There are other passages that help us in our pain. We are richer for what Job went through but I still have questions .... which is good because my learning isn't done.

Job's misery was not due to sin. Job didn't cause his loss of family or health. You could say it was satan's doing but the real truth is that God allowed this because He knew Job and knew Job would come through this without cursing Him. So why was Job wrong? Job got a real lecture from God in the end. Yes, some of it went to his friends but God really got in Job's face. Wasn't Job just asking why (I know asking why is a huge no-no) and want to hear God? Job was simply tired of hearing silence from the God he worshipped and loved. Aren't we to make our requests to God? Doesn't David ask God in his psalms? I may still struggle with this I still hold to NOT asking why and to always sing above the storm. Praise is beautiful and God inhabits the Praise of His people. I am must trust and obey for there is no other way ...

So back to mercy... there will always be questions .... but it is a waste of time to keep harping on them. It is much better to be still, talk back God's Word for our hearts, and to sing above the storm. The battle is the Lord's. All we have to do is run our race and at the end God's Loving Arms will greet us and hold us up......

a day of rejoicing is coming ...

I walked into the hospital room knowing that she was nearing this life's finish line. The cancer was too beastly and too fast. She did open her eyes and spoke in very soft tones. She asked for water and I offer it to her but in the middle of her very slow first sip, her eyes closed like she dozed off. She is in a lot of pain and is on some heavy pain meds. I did hold her hand before the nurse came in to change the clear bags hanging beside her. Her husband encouraged me to talk to her but I found myself falling silent.

The woman in this bed is about 8 years older than me. She is in my childhood memories. I remember her and her sisters baby-sitting me and my brother. They had two cute black and white bull dogs called Moses and Sarah. They lived on a farm and I loved their farm house. I haven't seen her sense. My mom works at the hospital on a floor where a lot of cancer patients go when they are having a major battle with cancer and need hospital care. I happened to call mom about a birthday matter coming up and she said our family friend was back in the hospital and it was not good. I told mom I would come up.

I am sensitive and I try to put my feet in other's shoes. I knew her kids where teenagers and I can help but wonder how these kids were going to cope in the days and years ahead. This beautiful woman has a beautiful husband who talked to me so I began to ask him questions learning more about his family and even finding common bonds like going to the same college. The youngest son was playing football that night. The middle son is marrying and coming home from Chicago this month. The oldest has graduated from college and as a teaching job. She hasn't found love in college and there isn't even a boyfriend. I told her father that it was ok and he said yeah, that you might as well wait until the ONE comes and you just know. I nodded my head in agreement. .... I could now walk out of this room carrying them in my prayers and go to the mats do some major wrestling with the Lord for them.

Earlier in the day I sneaked some time to search for so balm and just happened to read Psalms 8 where it says, where it says 'what is man that you are mindful of him? and where God has made man a little lower than angels and that He gave man dominion over the works of His Hands.' This might be weird that it brought me comfort but I couldn't help but think of all the things God has given us in this life that is like a flower that flourish and passes away. This life is soooooo fragile and the gifts are soooo wonderful. Her gifts? Finding love, marrying a neat guy, having kids .... she probably has a lot more on her list...

A question sent me to wondering ... A mother with early adult children is dying. I am sure she has lots she wants to tell them. Being a daughter myself I cannot dare to go to a time where I don't have my mother to rely on.... I did have a comforting thought... The Word of God has helped me greatly and I am sure for this mother as well. She can rest assured that His Word can guide her children especially because she loved it, they will want to get closer to her by reading It and finding answers needed in today's questions and tests. I love this thought and can let out a comforted sigh...

I told mom that her hubby really loved her and you want to know how I could tell in a short amount of time? He said that finding the love of his life was the best gift Grace College have him. He also asked to hold her hand and said thank you even though it looked like she was sleeping. He has been trying hard to get her home so they can have a bedside wedding of their son today because they are unsure of how long she will be able to hold on and the wedding is schedule at the end of the month. Besides she just wants to go home to die. I don't know how this man is holding on. He did not show any tears but there was a softness around his edges and I am sure that he is putting on his strong face.

I cannot say that she lost her battle with cancer rather she is just finishing this earthy race. She is laying down this earthly mantel to put on her heavenly one called Eternal Life. She is trading in the pain and limitations to walk upright into her Heavenly Father Arms. Her own mother and father are waiting in the wings ready to welcome her home. She will truly understand that death has lost its sting where her loved ones just don't quite understand because it is so raw and painful now. All we can do is 'walk by faith not by sight.' A chorus came to my mind as I was walking and doing some heavy thinking. It brought Joy ... even in this bittersweet time. '... when we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory!'


♩♬♪♫
Sing the wondrous love of Jesus,
Sing His mercy and His grace.
In the mansions bright and blessèd
He’ll prepare for us a place.

Refrain

When we all get to Heaven,
What a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus,
We’ll sing and shout the victory!

While we walk the pilgrim pathway,
Clouds will overspread the sky;
But when traveling days are over,
Not a shadow, not a sigh.

Refrain

Let us then be true and faithful,
Trusting, serving every day;
Just one glimpse of Him in glory
Will the toils of life repay.

Refrain

Onward to the prize before us!
Soon His beauty we’ll behold;
Soon the pearly gates will open;
We shall tread the streets of gold.

Refrain♪

Words: Eliza E. Hewitt

my love story is best!

"The best love story is your own."

I heard this and it stuck with me. At first I argued with it that the Best Love Story Ever was God sending His Beloved Son to die for my sins. Yes, this is true. Yet, as I continued to think about this I know too that my love story is better those I like to listen and see. See I am a big sap when it comes to how you might have met your love. I love to a good love story! Hmmm, nothing compares to my own. But you say that I am single what possible love story do you have?

True on the outside I am the loner (not for the lack of trying to make friends) and a misfit. I do not go with the crowd. I have really big thoughts. I am super tenacious to a fault and can't figure out why others fail to have staying power. Sadly, this has been from when I was a little girl whose only friends where her books and her bike.

Well, through the years Jesus Christ has been my Romancer and Husbandman. He choose me. He is my Alpha and Omega. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He is Faithful and True. He is my Great Shepherd. Psalms 18 is the best part of my love story!

{happy sigh} How my heart glows!

my wedding song ...

I love my visual brain! I have been thinking about the hymn "Be Thou my Vision" and there I am in a white wedding dress and veil. The isle is long and tall because I am feeling quite small. But there He is, my Groom, at the alter dress in white. He turns and the flash of His welcoming smile makes me flutter but His warm eyes make me feel safe. Then He reaches His arms for me and I see His nail pierced hands. My heart bubbles up because those hands meant that I WAS CHOSEN AND HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME NOR FORSAKE ME! He is my Vision, Lord of my heart!!!!
Amen!

teamship ...

When it comes to marriage, I had this theory that it was a team where you had each other's back and you had a common goal (successful marriage and successful partnership). It would be work but work you wanted to do with each other. It would be a team where there was 100% give and take on both sides. There would be no trying to win over the other nor would there be stealing the show. It is a team.

However, my theory was challenged first by 'woman was made as a helpmate for the man' not the other way around. Meaning that the woman really shouldn't hope for things in the team? The second challenge comes in the form of respect. I greatly know that the Bible says a woman is to respect her man. I get that but there is a respect needed for when a man needs to figure something out on his own. For example, the taking off without directions and not nagging him to get directions. I get this. I have a father who loves the Sunday drive and just taking it in is part of the adventure. But like when he when he takes apart something or you must WAIT for him to take apart something to fix and it takes all day. You are suppose to respect him and let him figure it out with out words. Oh, and when can you take on something or fix something for the team... The third challenge is the words ...... I am quiet by nature but I am a thinker and I do need to use a lot of words and I fail here......

Anyways, I cannot give up on my teamship theory just yet but I have added another 'team' picture. It is where the man is out on the hockey rink (the sport I like more than football & greatly more than baseball=) and woman is the fan in the stands cheering on and never bad mouthing the team. Now is to figure out when it 'together we face the world' or the 'hockey player and fan' type of team...

moai + ikigai

I first heard the about the 'ever closing social circle' a few years ago in a discussion about kids and them leaving the nest in the next four years. I had not thought of it like that until I watched my father as his parents died and we began the hard process of dissolving an earthly place of resisdence. Then I began to have thoughts about my future and how I would handle my own parents ... ok enough. I have made an ultimatum with my self, that God has promised today and I will not trip myself up by thinking on the dark side of the future.

In the book called 'Blue Zones' There is talk about moai a Japanese word for having a social network to keep you healthy and alive. I have been wondering about my very small moai and thinking that as we get older how the circle gets smaller and smaller. It will take work to make it bigger...

There is the Japanese word ikigai which means that which gives you purpose and is to help you live longer and better. I can get this word because I love dreams and passions. Dreams and passions light people up and make them alive! When these dreams and passions begin to touch others, the purpose of ours lives increase.

I believe 'moai' and 'ikigai' need to go together. Don't they feed off each other? I love 'It's a Wonderful Life' ever since I first saw it in college and was so moved by tears that I had to hide under the covers so my roommate wouldn't see my tears because it was such a powerful emotional experience to me. Our lives touch others every person we meet. I just don't think we get it....

''ships''

Friendship has been a life long search and disappointment for me. As I hit the middle road and have come to terms with what is in my life, I realize that my mother and father didn't have 'deep friendships' except each other and this is my heritage as well. We may be too deep or too tenacious for others that it seems like we are a bit peculiar.

I have been finding comfort in with Proverbs 18:24 ''A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a Friend that sticks closer than a brother.'' I love the but because being here in the verse means that I even as I am friendly that sometimes it just isn't going to work or be as deep as I like BUT there is a Friend who is so close to me and deep and joyful too. So with this knowledge tucked under my arm, I have decided to start jotting down the Bible truths in makes make a good friend and to put it into my life.

* Proverbs 18:24 = be friendly but it doesn't mean that you will always have friends but you will always have the FRIEND.
* Proverbs 18:1 = isolating yourself or being insular = selfish - our lives interconnect w/ everyone we meet.
(also isolating yourself means you have rage issues)
* Proverbs 27:9 = ointment & fragrance - friendship is about hearty healing counsel and delightful sweetness
''Ointment and Fragrance delight the heart, and the sweetness of a man's friend gives delight by hearty counsel.''
* Proverbs 27:17 = iron sharpens iron = it is important to FIGHT for the friendship
I did not like this verse because I do not anger or fighting but when I saw this as a Top Chef sharpening a knife against a piece of flint, I do not see anger or fighting but rather becoming a better me. I see the value of fighting for ''ship'' but not the fighting for being right.
* Col 2:2 If you are a believer, you are knitted together with other believers and this is ENCOURAGEMENT.
* Eph 5 - walking in love & redeeming the time
* Prov 17:9 - Harbor love not hate. When you think about the things you love about a person, you cover that person in love. When you think about the things you hate or even dislike, you cover that person in hate and begin to dislike that person.
* Eph 2:10; Gal 6:9- use your gifts
* Phil 4:5 - let your gentleness be known to all men.

I am sure that there is more for me on this search as I am always on the look out to be better. It is most interesting to see how God uses ''ships'' as His means of Design - marriage b/t man and woman, family, friendship etc. I love His Workings...

be ...

Is it ok for me to BE me? I have chosen a certain path for my life. I have grown and gathered many lessons to make up who I am. If I say no to things, there are reasons for that no. The biggest reason is I best know what I want to be. What I believe, I am going to say and what I say, my actions must prove true to it or I am a waste of space! Don't get all in my face! That no was refreshing. Sure it saddens me that I hurt you. What I did was for myself. Self preservation, yes. Preservation for the blossoming me. In the past my yeses have hurt me. In the past those yeses was to make you happy instead I was unhappy. I cannot let that happen because I became less of me. Friendships are about a combination of give and takes. It is also about not gives and not takes. If it hurts another's being / character, then the most honorable thing is to not expect it and never let it enter your mind again. Let the no be a complete sentence. Friendships are also about growth. It is not about dying. Are you better? Have you ever thought that maybe the no is there because it was killing the person's growth? Whether you like it or not, I have to be me. I have to be responsible for my own growth and strength. Sure the road gets lonely and hard and it is nice to have a fresh breeze come along. Plus, there is danger in being insular. But there is great wisdom in being choosy...

'The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.'
Proverbs 12:26
*

it is so small ...

Wasn't sure what to write about and it could be due to the flucold I am battling. I did give in and took cough medicine. I did much better sleeping. But I struggling with the breathing part and when the med wore off, I just coughed and coughed. Now that I tidied up with a shower, my cough settled down. I feel maybe a bit better.

I saw this quote and decided that I would comment:

Nobody sees a flower really; it is so small.
We haven't time, and to see takes time
- like to have a friend takes time.
~Georgia O'Keeffe

Wow! Seems very pessimistic and unfortunately very true. You know the word friend has end in it. Why bother? I am sure we bother because of selfish means. I know I want some acceptance, approval, and a witness to my achievements. Don't we all? And don't we want someone around in the worse of times and not just the best?

I have Mom who is sick too. I've been chatting with her and in our dried up scratchy throats and feeling the pain together. However, living on my own I have no one to care for my ills. To be honest I was never babied when I was at home. It wasn't that Mom didn't love us. She did and she was there with an aspirin and hey, wash up - you will be feel better. I am not sure how she 'taught' us to be decent to live with even if you don't feel good, but she did. I wouldn't know what to ask for if I did have a living companion wanting to alleviate the down time. (Key being the companion wanting!) I did mighty well at being my own doctor tyvm! Besides finding over-the-counter meds to tackle what the throat w/o sugar, I make fruit smoothies for lunch and a excellent chicken, egg-drop, and barley soup for supper. Very yummy not only for the tummy but the throat is happy too.

Time. It is all about taking a time out for the important people in your life. Can you be the one to just chill in someone's down time? What happens if another wants to be babied? I know I couldn't. I had a roommate who had to be babied! I spent all my moments at the library! She wanted me to get her this and that when the this and that were in the bathroom one step from her bed! Hmm, what does that say about taking the time for someone? Oh dear.

It is so small or is it?

humiliation in a king's presence ....

Do not exalt yourself in the king's presence,
and do not claim a place among great men;
it is better for him to say to you, "Come up here,"
than for him to humiliate you before a nobleman.
~Proverbs 25:6

Put this verse in the context of relationships. Have you found yourself in a 'friendship' where you cannot go to with ease and acceptance? Do you find yourself fearing the outcome of trying too hard to keep a relationship going? Do you find yourself avoiding the hurt you feel inflicted upon you by a friend? Do you find that you cannot rectify or seek forgiveness so that you can do better?

Relationships should not ever be in the king and mere commoner mode or it isn't a real connection. There is a placement in the presence of the king and it is NOT near the ear!

When seeking a friendship, pay close attention to your placement. Are you allowed into their inner sanctum? Even here be very aware. You may get close their dreams and passions but watch and see if there is something he won't share or if there are 'rooms' he won't let you enter. It is wise and test him on this. (1 Thess 5:21) Hold to what is good and good riddance to what is fishy! This is valuable knowledge to protect your own deep waters. (Prov 4:23)

May this be STRONG counsel in accepting marriage! Don't ever think it will change. You want another mere commoner who is your condiment and team player in your 'bed' than to be bedded in the finest kingly robes of fear of a king's whims. You being at a king's mercy is unstable because with fear comes loathing...

isolation & selfishness

I have been seeking to be at peace with my alone journey and especially the future. I know that I won't always have my parents and that is a nightmare I don't even want to think about but it creeps in. I think I am trying to finally close the huge cranky door on a very intense and powerful relationship that went belly up. I have made slow and a very torturous progress. I just can't seem to shake this one. What will it take to get over x?

I always find it quite interesting that when I seek, I find little bits. God has that effect on His children when they seek. He keeps lining up finds in twos and threes. I abhor desertion. To my surprise God's Word has something to say about this and I just happened to read it on Tuesday. This is dot one:

A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgement. Proverbs 18:1

Whoa! He is wrong to isolate himself and the conversation before was about me being my 'nude' self instead of 'fattening' myself up to avoid hurt. Interesting to was that he was floored that someone thought he was an angry bloke. Look there in that verse. Rages against all wise judgement sounds like anger to me. Yet as I see his wrong, I also see his pain and his dreams unrealized. I cannot fault him and that makes way for my claw like fingers on his memories. There is warning here for me. I cannot escape. I have watched others take leave of my life. I am down to the bare bones. I am fine at the moment and don't want to develop any 'ships'. However, I cannot avoid the verse. I cannot isolate myself. I must reach out. It is just so tiring to reach out only to get burned for touching a hot stove.

The other dot was came from reading another's blog. 'Sometimes we outgrow people'. It seems to be a universal human experience my mother did not warn me about. Probably because we don't think like that or perhaps because my mother could never hold down a friendship either so it never came up. Wait!! Kudos for my parents for keeping a marriage strong for over 30+ years!!! So our dna is all about sticking to it for life; it NOT about outgrowing others.

I have never thought that my broken 'ships' where because I out grew them! I did have one that I was feeling that we wereN'T going in the same direction. I did have thoughts of relief when she finally dumped me on my birthday. I did have a conversation with x about friendships and he mentioned the outgrowing - that friends have certain life spans. I didn't like the conversation then nor now. What is wrong with growing together? What is wrong with experiencing their lives even if it on the sidelines cheering them through their 'holy mud'? I am not sure I am ready to bury my toughing it out to go along this line of thought.

Watching a program displaying the silent mode of relationships is where I found the third dot. 'As children we are thought to express ourselves. (use your words!!) As adults we just check out.' Why is it that a guy go through a life and death experience only to claim up around his loved ones because they can't possibly know what he went through? How is she ever going to understand and hold him up in this battle? Remember Moses had two men helping hold his rod up for the Israelites to win in battle. Well, beats me. x checked out. Why only makes one stay in the past.

So I have these three dots. They seem connected. I feel that dot one was the most important and that dot two and three were merely underlines drawing the eye back to the power of isolation and what it will do to your very soul! You became a raging selfish black hole.

seasons of friendship

f3 tornado hits small town ...

Reports during the week was that there would be severe weather Thursday. October should be a relatively quiet month weather wise but we have had some tornados hit in this month in years past. It was a warm windy day so danger is likely. That evening the major tv channels were a buzz with reds, oranges, yellows, and those rotations on the maps.

Then there was a small hit in the county below ours. No bad reports. Then a tornado hit in a small town just to our south. Bad enough that the town was on national news! Our town in this path. Sirens wailed. The need to watch the western sky drew me to the window. The rain drops looked wild and weird as it pounded up and over my jeep. Then all was quiet. Things settled down. Telephone rang. Bro called to make sure we were ok. Except he is calling at the time the reports were saying we were getting hit. He is a worrier. That is ok. I could reassure him that things are quiet here.

I am a quiet worrier. It is all inside my head. Then I try to talk back to it with God's Word. Then it is seems like a vicious cycle of worry and God's Word. My thoughts were 'God is the Master of Storms. He can still them or He will hold us as the storms go wild and rage about us. He is there in the aftermath of clean up.' I wonder if I could withstand a hit. I still wonder ...

Today is clean up day. My thoughts are merky. I don't know what I will be doing today. I don't know if I will become emotional or not. I don't know how I will feel physically today. I don't know what I will do about food today - need it to do a good job and keep the mind of me - taking my own. I think I think to much. Today will be a training day to keep my mind stayed upon God who keeps us in perfect peace. It will be an experiment of making love complete.