first gleam vs full light of day ...

Thursday's morning drive into work rewarded me with brilliant soft yellow white sun rays shining through moody blue clouds.  Moving south I enjoy the warmth of sunrise on my left cheek.  It is like being kissed by God.  Turning east my eyes glaze in awe of His Masterful Artwork!  I had to capture a few clicks to sear it into my memory.  Its a feast for my soul as I start a work day.

This Thursday was going to end differently than just another day in and day out.  The news I was to receive & process was going make this morning's sunrise a little bit more permanently etched on my soul.  At 11:15AM my cousin Jim walked onto Heaven's shores.  What?  He's only four years older than I!  Just should not be!

This Thursday waves of childhood memories flooded my daydreams & my tears released emotions that I could not speak.  My cousins are all older than I except one so I generally was in awe of them.  I'm finding myself pausing here as the memories again like snapshots flick across my mind.  Grandma L kept showing up.  My heart bubbled up just thinking of a young Grandma waiting there on Heaven's shores with arms wide open to receive Jim in a ferocious hug right after Jesus.  Oh, how I have tears because of this earthly loss!  Oh, how my heart aches for his wife's loss & for the son who lost his dad too soon!  But behind this pain is a Joy inexpressible!

Being born into the Family of God gives me such an uncontainable & unmeasurable Assurance that death has truly lost its sting.  Oh, it still hurts here & its work to keep setting Jesus ever before me when the world does its best to drown Him out.

As another morning dawned, God's Word did too.  The Divine Author pens in word pictures that this student leans in for more.  Proverb 4:18 says "the path of the Righteous is like the first gleam of morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day."  Remembering the previous day's sunrise & remembering Jim, family twice over, I began to fuse these two pictures together...

Always before I stopped the picture at the sunrise because sunrises can be so dramatic with its God-Fingers slicing through the shadows of the trees.  Full light of day was like the show was over.  I just hadn't fused the two pictures together correctly.

The first gleam of dawn pierces through the shadows & clouds.  Isn't that just how it is with the Righteous?  God's Sonlight pierces right through our shadows of sin, pain, sadness, & darkness.  As a child of God grows more & more like Jesus, the child shines ever brighter.  The full light of day came for Jim as he walked onto Heaven's shore.  We've seen the special effects so we have an idea but Jim knows full well.  The full Light of day consumes all the sin, pain, sadness, & darkness.  No more shadows.  No more sad tears.  No more falling short.  No more struggle.  The brilliant soft yellow white once gleam is full light so bright for Jim.  Its exciting to see new believers grow as Jesus gleams through them but oh, as believers gathers days & years, the shadows seems to grow longer & longer, believers yearn & ache for the God's Perfecting Work in them & for those promising Golden Shores.  Full Light of Day.

I will always delight in God's beautiful sunrises but there will be no stopping there for me.  I will relish the Light!

 When we all get to Heaven
 What a day of Rejoicing that will be
 When we all see Jesus
 We'll sing & shout the Victory!

I'm starting the Rejoicing early...

Salvation =
new creation
Family
a sure Strength
purpose
Victory over death
Heaven
Jesus Christ our Groom
Union
reunions
JOY overload & beyond measure

singing ...

She will enter Zion with singing;

Everlasting JöY will crown her head.

Gladness and JöY will overtake her;

sorrow and sighing will flee away.

Arise!  Shine!

her Light has come.

The Glory of the Lord rises upon her.

She looks and is radiant,

her heart throbs and swells with JöY!

Isaiah 35:10 ; Isaiah 60

a thanksgiving pearl ...

Thanksgiving is essential to the life of a believer.  It is the key to a full and abundant life.  It unlocks Joy within the heart.  What one thing encompasses respect, maners, love, relief, and thoughtfulness but giving thanks?

I became a believer when I was 5 but in 2003 with a job loss I knew I needed a restart.  Meloncholy was my draft setting.  I was slumped at the window of life watching the world go by without me.  It was a good time to try thanksgiving for a change.  It was a small step that got bigger and bigger with each passing year.

Thanksgiving is like a pearl.  It takes an irrantant wrapped and wrapped with praise to be something of great worth.   It puts the focus on the Heavenly Father's Mighty Arms than the pungy pesky problems.  To sum up Psalms 107 from wastelands, darkness, rebellious ways, lost at sea to thanksgiving ... the upright SEE and Rejoice but all the wicked are shut up.(v. 42).

I SAW God come through when we had major storm&nbsp on July 1st. There was massive cleanup to do at my parents' place. The house, garage, and fishing boats escaped structural damage but the winds shredded the ancient trees. There was so much damage that at lunchtime I noticed how defeated my Dad was. I called the brother to come help. While Dad and the brother got the chainsaws up and chewing, my 10 year old nephew and I pulled and hauled big branches to the road. From this hardship I found out my nephew was a talker!

See, the men in my life are quiet and when there are problems afoot they hunker down to process. I never want to be the cause of their silence so I have been seeking God in understanding the inner-workings of man. Having this moment of time with a little man with a fresh divorce in his childhood was God-Given and is a keeper for a lifetime. I hope my nephew felt valued from having my ears as an audience.

God wasn't done with my lesson.  I had a longstanding question for my Heavenly Father. Men grow men. What if there are no Godly men to come along side and mentor your man?  Can a God-seeking girl be a healing presence and God's instrument in her man's life?  Bob and Cheryl Moeller were sharing their book "How to Get Your Husband to Talk" on a podcast. I had done three things right. During a shared activity, I listened and asked clarifying questions. God is so Good.  His Arms are Mighty in every storm.  I am so thankful to have the summer afternoon to be at the feet of Jesus listening to a little man!

This story seems a bit glossed over so let me fill you in with some of the not so glamorous parts.  It was a hot day and hard work.  We were a freak show as people drove by real slow to see the massive damage.  There was no electricity for a week.  Mom and Dad had to come use my guest bathroom.  The stress spurred on the shingles for Dad in the months following.  This was a hard blow.

This is NOT easy and some irritants get by us to take us out.  Sometimes the vision gets blurry before we realize we need a time out  -- a declaration that this day is a day of Thanksgiving to God and whisper not  a need or care.  What a difference it makes.  God doesn't need the Praise for Himself but rather the puny human is in need of praising the Heavenly Father.  We are forgetful -- oh so forgetful.  The world loudly and noisily lies to us and we easily believe the lies and promptly forget the Truth.  Thanksgiving gives you SIGHT to see and to boldly Rejoice in God's Sovereignty.  He never stops protecting or providing for our every need.

I must stay this again - I never want to forget that summer afternoon that my ears were in the presence of my nephew drinking in his every word. Thank You, Heavenly Father, for such a wonderful gift!

feelings vs Holy Spirit ...

God is teaching and I am listening. I don't have it yet. It is like it is a new flower to me never seen before and it is budding. I never really put a placement on my feelings. I feel them. Some come on in a surprise and some are just plain good. In my younger days most were dark and even violent. Yes, this quiet girl could have an inward heat of anger to a raging boil. I may have kept it inside but it was there. I am older and wiser. My feelings are mostly good. Anger isn't a major player. The dark brooding thoughts are sedated my God's Joy. I am in a good place so it is interesting that now is the time God is showing me something **NEW** about feelings. Maybe it is the finishing marks...

I don't know how the full bloom of this lesson flower will turn out, but the little bud has something to do with the choice of letting our feelings rage or forsaking the feelings for the Holy Spirit indwelling. It is an opposite. Do I live in my fleshly feelings or do I let the Holy Spirit take hold of me and produce the fruit of the Spirit in my life? Interesting thought!

Funny - I have a 3x5 white note card from about 5 years ago where I wrote down some scripture on feelings. So maybe I have been wanting God to speak to me on this and now is the time because I am ready to get it!!!! I tingle at the thought!!!! I love the learning but hate the fencing, the tempering ....!

.:3x5 white note card reads:.

Titus 3:2
'to slander no one; to be peaceable;
to be full of courtesy; to walk humbly.'

~walk in the Spirit - not in your emotions & feelings~

Gal 5:16-22
"Be controlled by the Holy Spirit.
The fruit will result in love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, self control."

Col 3:12
"As God chosen people, holy & dearly loved,
clothe yourself w/ compassion, kindness,
humility, gentleness & patience."

my love story is best!

"The best love story is your own."

I heard this and it stuck with me. At first I argued with it that the Best Love Story Ever was God sending His Beloved Son to die for my sins. Yes, this is true. Yet, as I continued to think about this I know too that my love story is better those I like to listen and see. See I am a big sap when it comes to how you might have met your love. I love to a good love story! Hmmm, nothing compares to my own. But you say that I am single what possible love story do you have?

True on the outside I am the loner (not for the lack of trying to make friends) and a misfit. I do not go with the crowd. I have really big thoughts. I am super tenacious to a fault and can't figure out why others fail to have staying power. Sadly, this has been from when I was a little girl whose only friends where her books and her bike.

Well, through the years Jesus Christ has been my Romancer and Husbandman. He choose me. He is my Alpha and Omega. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He is Faithful and True. He is my Great Shepherd. Psalms 18 is the best part of my love story!

{happy sigh} How my heart glows!

herbal dream seeds ...

This no green thumb girl is at it again. I have always wanted to grow herbs because they bring simple flavor to a simple dish of grub. I think it all started because Mom had chives out in the garden and it was my job to cut the blades for that nights supper whether it was for the potatoes or lettuce salad or Mom's favorite chicken salad. Chives has always been my favorite herb with its soft bite of onion or garlic pizazz.

Being an apartment dweller I have tried to be an indoor pot green thumb. Chives, lavender, lemon trees - I am sure there where other things that I have tried with tears of frustration and anger pooling in my eyes because they ended in failure. So have I learned my lesson that I am only successful at growing the Philodendron? Nope. The Philodendron is a plant that takes it when the water source is lacking but for my love of herbal side, it doesn't feed the flavor of food.

Being unemployed at the moment I thought it was time to try my thumbs at some herbs. Instead of doing them indoors or even outdoors here at the apartment, I will be doing them at my parent's place. It won't be as convenient as running down to sip herbs for the meal at hand but maybe being outside where animals won't pee on or where they won't be mowed down by fast lawn boys or ripped out by children. They might have a chance.

My three choices in this round of the green thumb dream is Garlic Chives, Oregano, and Cilantro. The pots where selected, the holes covered, the dirt filled in and watered, the seeds planted. Now for the wait. Oh, if I could stop the worry too. The Oregano seeds were sooooo tiny! But with every seed within lies a living hope, right?

As I tell this tale of my herbal journey, it really is about my dream journey too. I have soooo many dreams that I keep planting and nothing happens. I am sooo tired. I am sooooo frustrated. I wonder why God has made me so with these creative dreams and this drive where I am a bit of a loner. I hate following the crowd and question the followers true path.

I figured that God was working a new thing in my life with this job loss as He had with the last one. Maybe this time I would be able to follow my dreams. But I got a call last night from the work that permanently laid me off. It is not the Accounts Payable that I was in but for costing. Accounts Payable was a good place and much better than costing for me. Don't I have to take this job in order to get Unemployment Benefits? Here it goes again that the company has more power than I and there goes my dreams. It upsets me so that I feel this way. I was suppose to be more grow up in my faith. I am suppose to tackle this with JOY and I am failing.

I so wanted to try to write for a living where in my free time I would be creative. I have planted the dreams seeds out to see what would happen. I was hoping for little green to peek through the dirt. Some seeds died underneath the dirt and some popped up green leaves to only wither away. I know every crisis contains a gift but I haven't figured out what is beneath the painful wrappings. I am out of whack so I am trying to seek God's Word. Do I really trust and obey? I must. I must...

from Bedside Blessings - May 18 by Chuck Swindoll
'You don't have to promote yourself if you've got the stuff. If you're good, if you are to be used of God, they'll find you. God will promote you. I don't care what the world system says. I urge you to let God do the promoting! Let God do the exalting! In the meantime, sit quietly under His Hand. That's not popular counsel, I realize, but it sure works. Furthermore, you will never have to wonder in the future if it was you or the Lord who made things happen. And if He chooses to use you in a mighty way, really 'exalt' you, you won't have any reason to get conceited. He did it all!
A humble spirit will obtain honor.
Proverbs 29:23

I have a castle to keep, armor to put on, and hiding the Word of God in my heart so that all that I say and do is humble and gives glory to God. I must keep the flag of JOY, Living Hope, and Trust flying high and strong. I will see in due time the dots that seem erratic line up.

Fear NOT little girl. Do you trust Me?

sufferings ...

There are verses underlined in I Peter but I got a new understanding this week when my quiet time lead me to verse 19 of I Peter 4. ''Therefore, let those who suffer according to the Will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good as to a Faithful Creator.'' What caught my eye was the Will of God.

Ask the right question. What am I to do when I suffer whether it be persecution, sickness, loss, or job loss? Answer? Commit my everything to God, my Creator and continue in doing good. The wrong question is asking what the Will of God is! It is all ready listed in His Letter to us. Just trust and obey!!!!! He is more patient than I. It is just that it is so at the surface for me. I don't want to go back to 'not knowing' when I truly know if I dig into the Word. I refuse to ask questions that I will not get an answer for! Sounds bizarre and I am not sure how to convey it. All I know is that if I follow God's Will that is spelled out in His Word than knowing what I am to do (aka: profession/vocation) with my life will fall into place.

What I love about God's Word is that I may have read this passage or book several times but I can always find something new. I love seeking in God's Word. Reminds me of a dog digging in the dirt and all you see is the behind and back feet intent on scooping out buried treasure. So sniffing out all around this verse I found a huge gems on suffering. All of I Peter is a guide to suffering! It is a great comfort.

Do you know that suffering is part of being a believer? Get this! ''Beloved, do NOT think it strange concerning the fiery trail which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you.'' I Peter 4:12. How many times have I heard people say why is this happening to me? I find myself asking it slightly different so as not to be an incorrigible child. Like 'I don't understand. Am I that dumb or stupid that I can't learn whatever lesson You are trying to teach me?' Basically, I am asking why. I know, why should never be in your vocabulary when you are addressing God. Asking why is showing the lack of faith. This fiery trial that is present in my life is here by design by the Creator just tailored to try me. Hmm, means that God is present!!!!

The next verse says to REJOICE!!!! Be a partaker of Christ's sufferings so that His Glory is revealed. True gladness comes from this! How do you be a partaker of Christ's sufferings? Renewed mind and heart. Staying soft in His Arms. Being a vessel He can use. Delighting and savoring Him....

Try I Peter. Find the comfort and peace that only God can give you...

hormones ...

I wonder what makes an imbalance of hormones in a woman when she begins her transition from child bearing and rearing to a woman of stature and sage. Is it the years of not taking care of your needs or is it the lack of proper eating and exercise? Is it working some job because it brings home the 'mula' but depletes the soul or is it the sour atmosphere that you keep or tolerate at work or at home? Is it plain and simply s-t-r-e-s-s? We all know what stress does to us so that is why I have been thinking this out..

I wonder if keeping my mind stayed upon Christ the Solid Rock and staying in the Word will keep my hormone levels balanced and keep stress at bay. I will be making this transition soon and have heard the horror stories and have question my own mother. I have become more and more anti-drugs for most things. For example, taking an aspirin for my food HA's only covers up the pain; it does not protect or prevent the blood cells from dying. I am not naive for there is a time for medication and a time for no medication and kicking the stress habit our lifestyle has created as a monster has got to be the key.

I have noticed some stress beaters for myself and the biggest stress reliever is my relationship with God. It has been a long time coming and I have a long way to go. I am a big time feeler and I will always feel but to rightly put them in God's hands by going the Word and laying hold of God's promises. I have got the praying without ceasing down as I rattle about alone at home but often before going to bed, I would cry as I battle out my frustrations. I hated it and myself. The last couple of years I have found solace in God's Word and now it has become an obsession to pray the Word. I don't cry over the frustrations before bed anymore. I am repeating the fear not messages.

This year's theme is allowing myself to be Romanced by God and to find my true beauty. Already I have come to terms with a certain desertion in my life. I have been getting over it only to find myself not over it. I think it is a growing experience and can't be learned at the drop of a heart. Hearts shatter and it takes time for them to heal because there are so many angles and edges to bring back together. God has been so very patient with me and has been very Masterful at gently healing my heart. I have soooooo many learnings that even through a fleshy experience God has worked it for my good and betterment. At this point in time I feel a satisfied heart beating in my chest because I am letting God romance me. I am so tired of being alone and learning everything I can about being a couple that I am finally going to embrace this single life. It was a dual life that began to eat me alive. God has said to choose life and I am making a life decision to choose a JOYFUL life.

So by embracing my relationship with God and embracing my single JOYFUL life, stress is on the run. So I wonder if by keeping a balanced and whole life, will it keep my hormones in balanced and I can enjoy the transition...? I kinda think so...

Fear NOT little one! Fearlessly walk with Me. I will keep you! Always your Heavenly Father and Keeper

God is not dead nor doth He sleep...

I was loom knitting my first Christmas bells earlier in the month and as I was amazed at how well they turned out, some of the words from a beloved Christmas Hymn came to mind. "God is not dead nor doth He sleep ... peace on earth, good-will to men''. I was trying to recall all the words from the hymn when from the back of the darken memory halls came the thought that this hymn was written in the time of war. Was it WWII? I would search for more info when I got online but it was dark and the Christmas lights were twinkling, bedtime was here, and my heart was very moved thinking how much hope is there was in hearing Christmas Bells. God is not dead to the quaking hearts of man even in war or financial darkness. I prayed with heavy heart for those of us facing turbulent times at work and possible no work in the near future and I prayed with a very light heart because of the HOPE in God who cares for little old me and for all those who SEEK Him.

When I did get online to find the words to this beloved hymn, I found out that it was a poem written by a beloved American poet. It wasn't WWII but the American Civil war on Christmas Day 1864. More info found that Henry had just received news that his son was injured in battle and he also had lost his wife to a fire accident two years prior. This man had so much darkness and despair in his heart and he let it bubble out onto the written page and with it his faith and hope in God poured out too. It still rings out today in any kind of pain or loss or desperation. Let the Christmas Bells ring out in the chambers of your heart today and year 'round!

Christmas Bells by Henry W Longfellow

I HEARD the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Till ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime,
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men."

a wasted day ...

''A day is a waste if you don't fall into a heap of laughter.''
~Lucy Swindoll

Being funny isn't a strength of mine so I will not beat myself up for not being able to be a riot. I also live an alone type of lifestyle so there is no audience to perfect my funny. I do have my laughable moments like playing Pictionary. I do have a strength that I do instead of being bent over squirting tears hysterics.

My day isn't a waste if I can enjoy. A warm smile spreads across my face and that is just enough for me. I like to make a list of the little God-touches in my life and the little things that I have enjoyed in the moment or through out the day in prayer. It is pouring pure sunshine.

"A day is a waste if you don't burst into smiles over the God-touches and God-moments"

joy vs sad

Of late I have had a mental discussion with myself over which has top importance in a believer's life, love or joy. I know love is the first commandment but I think it fails when I put it into my life. To me Joy is key to my love. How can I love with out the energy of Joy that seems to give me to keep going?

Today listening to Ravi he made a statement that encouraged my thoughts. He said that Joy is fundamental in a believer's life as sadness is fundatental to an unbeliever's life. How true!!!!

In my teens and twenties I was a mess. I had sadness even though I was saved around the age of 5. I was not in love with God and I was struggling to have Joy. Until God reached down into my life and set me back, I would have never known how Joy can change my life. It is the one thing that really drawns out my concern in saved loved ones who struggle with their sadness.

See, when the world looks at a believer they should know them as being and having an unexplainable happiness. Being a believer and knowing you should be a happy lot and you just don't feel it makes it real difficult to grow.

Joy is a lesson between you and God and it is about enjoying as well. You will have to figure it out but when you do, your life will no longer be the same.

The first step is stop striving and letting God free in your life. Second step is letting go and enjoying God and His Handiwork whether it is His creations or His work in your life.... Next steps are His to write out in your story...

enjoying others ...

I had planned a day with Mom where I had a few stores I wanted to hit and pack in a movie. On past two outings there where things I wanted to achieve and failed which I allowed to ruin the day. Not on this day! Sure I had planned things I was looking for and I told God about them but that my main goal was to enjoy my Mom. I told her my plans even about enjoying her. I did it! Mom said she enjoyed the day!!! wooo hooo.

I was able to finish out my work pant swap out. Now I have a week's worth of decent pants. I hope to have confidence Monday when I where the blue. I know I am a crazy one. I did not find the loom or knit wit or the knitting board book but I did find the stitch counter and stitch keeper which helped me make and understand the heart pattern I made! My heart is finally looking like a heart!

A very good day indeed. Enjoying my Mom primo and the other little things where sprinkles!

c word ...

A woman in my extended family found out she has cancer before Christmas. What do you say or do when you are shy and she isn't in your immediate family circle?

I always think about 'what would I do' in this situation or that situation. What would I do if I had cancer or lost a body function like my legs? Would I be able to shine with God's Light? Would it be a trial or tribulation or are these the same things? Would it be something God wanted to work in me or would it come because I did not take care of myself?

I think any one would want to travel through a hardship well and with joy abounding from with in. I also think anyone would rather take God working in us than being dealt a woe from doing something wrong. I do get beside the point.

This woman dove right in getting treatments and started blogging. She is even preparing for when she loses her hair. She walks with God and I think she will come through this saying that she was glad God touched with her this. She seems right on so what do you say?

I found a verse today and God's Word is always better than my own words.

.... Christ Jesus our Lord. In Whom we have boldness and access with confidence through faith in Him. Therefore I ask that you do not lose heart at any tribulations for you, which is your glory. For this reason I bow my knee to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. ~ Eph 3:11-14

I am picturing it... bowed knee to God's heavy hand with Joy. What seems to others as a dark black cloud weighting you down is really a bright cloud of glory resting over you. Your faith is bold and confident. Your face is radiant as you look into His Eyes with trust.... absolutely noting to lose. Why die every day? Got eternal life? Then you have every day to live exceedingly abundantly beyond....

to disturb a mind ...

I love the movies because I get to get inside a story visually. I love the nuances you can pick up on by the demeanor of the character as well as from his clothes or walk. I love certain actors who can get a character so well that you see the character and not the actor. I get chills when I hear how my favorite actors get into their characters. It is so down right scary how deep they go into and how hard it is to come out of it a.k.a. Joaquin Phoenix when he portrayed Johnny Cash in Walk the Line. I love deep but with deep comes the fine line of dark and keeping from falling into the dark dark blackness... I am deep and have had a very tiny piece of dark. I have grown up around men who are deep and have had a piece of dark- hopefully not as dark as dark can get....

As I have pondered over why actors take on very dark roles, I realized that they do so because we all are human and the tale we all tell is about the good and the dark. They take on these dark roles and we the listeners to these tales begin to feel for the characters. An actor can NOT do his character justice without being able to empathize. That hits very close to me. I feel that I empathize well with others around me and it can leave me in a very bad place where I become less of me and my nerve endings become exposed...

It is sooooo distressing and upsetting to hear the news about Heath Ledger. I loved the Patriot, the Knight's tale, and yes, the 10 Things I hate about you. I heared that he was doing the Joker in the next Batman where he really went to the dark side and to find out that he had been doing some really dark characters.... I get this panic fear inside.

I have had my spell of dark and it was only a little bit then God showed me great Joy. I have been scared straight and scared senseless when loved ones around me begin to tip... Our minds can travel at the speed of light and often in may different directions at once but when you begin to focus in on dark, you can go too far and either fall off by accident or so far out there you can't get back.

We have to condition the mind. Whatever is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, good report, virteous, praiseworthy - THINK ON THESE THINGS. (proverbs 4:8) We must say when.

I am soo sorry and sooo disturbed. My heart goes out to Heath and his family. Empathy is a great gift and a scary one too. Empathy is very much needed in a hurting and broken world. I feel empathy and know it is a gift but I don't know very much on how to use it... I am still learning.... Maybe the lesson here is that human life is fragile and only God can hold all of us together...

Heath, you were a great story teller and had a great smile that reached your eyes.

crowed mind ...

I have a hot topic brewing in my from the weekend and wanted to digest it here this past Sunday. Even though this issue can put me to a boil other things have crowed in and taken over mind space!

I have a major prayer request for a step-dad in the hospital for unknown pain...

then I have a huge craft show on Saturday that I am nervous and excited about. I am so thankful Mom will be doing this with me. I've been painting every evening and with my day off today, I have a few odds and ends to finish off. Early start for me tomorrow. Ugh! So to bed early tonight? I hope.

No matter if this is a success or a bust, I will focus on enjoying every minute with Mom...

See you on the flip side ...

maybe I will find the time to wash clothes and decorate for Christmas! Ahhh, maybe a glass clutter free kitchen???? toooo much on my list... still not going to allow the enemy to steal my joy! he is thief, you know...

a distress damsel psalm ...

I've hinted to the fact that I am in the backyard of my 30's. I guess I am freaking out a bit emotionally too - not at my age (suppose that will happen soon) but at these rollercoaster feelings and the knowledge of the craziness my mother felt. {screams} I just want to move through this phase of my life with all the good lessons I've learned so far like the joy and continue through with more joy, tranquility, and gentleness. I don't want anger to rule my life...

I connected few dots yesturday and I am on the point of breaking through to something huge for myself. It makes me quite excited and I hope that by weeks end when my vacation is ending that I have 'my own best friend habits' set in place. Meaning a way to fight back and save me from the 'internal social pressures' that run amuck in women my age... I am enough and loved.. Now lets take a look a woman's fairytale of a psalms!

One of the major connecting of the dots for me was reading Psalms 18 through the eyes of a woman instead of a soldier or through King David. Put on your female eyes and try it with all the muck that is going on in your life and include your fairytale story and see how this psalm changes your life...


Psalms 18: 1-6 speaks of your love for God and His Mighty ways in your life. Then you call out to be saved from your enemies. What is your enemy? Death - when you just want to live. Death for the woman is feeling like no one cares that your nose is the only thing that is staying above the torent waters. You are treading water but nothing is keeping you afloat. You are tired. You are doing everything and being everybody to family, work etc. Quite simply, you are trying to be the best you and the emotions and feelings are telling you 'not enough, you are just not enough!' So you cry out to God who has been there and has shown Himself to you before but you just not feeling it now and that makes you feel bad even worse.

Now this is the exciting part! Check out Psalms 18: 8-19! How many of us has dreamed of that prince on a white horse coming to our rescue? Why can't there be that rescue for this poor damsel in distress? HERE IT IS!!!! DRINK IT IN!!! See how our woes and distresses anger our God? He is enraged that the enemy is stealing our Joy and our strength. Here in these verses I am floored at the description of His Anger! {dances the happiest jig ever} Read that over and over until you feel it real in your life. Then watch Him swoop down and feel yourself swing through the air coming to rest behind God on His mighty white work stallion. Wrap your arms around Him and don't let go!

Psalms 18:20-24 is where you tell God what you have done in the right ways. It is an honesty check but when you have down the right ways and talk that out to God, you know by keeping His Ways there is blessing there. You are reminding yourself not God because He already knows. It is time for you to get into your path and see through. It is understanding that even when you do everything right and it feels like failure, that is the enemy talking. You talk back with the God-Blessings that you receive by doing right ways.

Psalms 18:25-36 is declaring God Attributes in your life path. Again it is you talking back or aloud about how your Prince has rescued you and has fought the battle for you. It is a self reminder not to get stuck in not being enough. That is death. Stay away from it. God is your Source. He is your Everything from Alpha to Omega. He is your Commander. He has your orders and the way to do them. He is your Husbandman and Keeper. He is your Creator and He sure created us a bit more intricate and intimate that man. He understands all our nuances. He made us this way for a reason - for marriage and for man. He created us naturing and beautiful - two aspects of His Nature. Who else should we go to if we are feeling used up and ugly? The Source!!!! Fill up!!!

Psalms 18:37-42 is showing how God Attributes come through us. He arms us with strength / joy for the battle before us. Look how we crush our destroyers! We are not destroyed. We have the victory.

Psalms 18:42-50 is praise to God who rescued us. We are His chosen and that does not mean we lay down and die. We arise and claim victory over all that seek to crush us. The enemy hates our beauty. Satan will do anything to undermine us. By doing so he thinks he can bring down God. We know this yet our actions say we don't believe that God is our Salvation and Rescuer. Time to live this Psalm out moment by moment. Our story is a romance story and it has a happy ending. Time to make victory in our middles....

{wails beating my chest it is so powerful}

my love story to Him ...

I had a troubling 'bump' with a chatter so much so that I could not wait to come here and figure out my words. I guess what is sad that if you say you are a Christian and don't do certain things and their response is that they are Christian too. I believe that there are certain values that all believers should hold to. I shruggled from not sounding like I was judging to trying to keep it about what I want in my life to knowing what I should say to wondering if I should state no without giving reasons for him to counter. I needed time to think and 'talk back' with what God's Word had to say. Now is this time to spout out!

Often in church I find my mind racing with talking to God and seeking God's Word for answers. This morning I was not disappointed. I found myself 'talking back' the words of comfort I needed. I want my no to be no and my yes to be yes. That means I want to be confident in my walk without waffling. Grrr to wanting to be nice. I guess what I want to be able to do is walk away with being frustrated and angered. Very hard indeed but I must remember the enemy is a thief. To rob my house would mean the thief would have to steal my joy and leaving me frustrated and angered. Jesus said 'how can anyone enter a strong man's house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man? Then he can rob his house. He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters.' (matt 12:29-30) I need to send Jesus to the door.

Well, back to my 'bump'... If someone wants to talk, I try to listen and chatter back. I guess I should have just said no not available. I did state no many times but in many ways. Then I thought it was a traveler trying to figure out a curiousity so I tried to drop the hint that it was dangereous to have a curiosity like that. Then stating that I was a Christian brought on that he was a christian. Yikes. He wanted to know if I had this curiousity. I stated that I was too old and weathered meaning that I've been on this life path long enough to know what I want and need in my life. I won't be messing up. I asked his age. 33 going on 34. Well, I could understand that curiousity. I was still hungering for attention and value. Still do at my age now but now devoted to living my love story cleanly and purely.

That is the whole point of this ramble. If I love God, I must show my love to God ACTIVELY. My love for God will pale compared to His Love for me. He laid down His Life so that I could have everlasting life. What greater love has no man than this to lay down his life for another?

"Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"
"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:28-31

I am a co-author in my love story with God. I want it to be very good and extremely special. I want God to feel and see my love. I want my love to be real. No coasting for me! I view strength in that verse as physical meaning body. I want my heart, soul, mind and body to be pure. I want to love God with all four parts of me. God is sees it all even here online. I like God-boundaries because that means He loves me so much that He wants me to enjoy this life path He has given me with out being in bondage to the thief.

If I strongly abhor telling others what to do, feel, or act... how do plant God-Seeds? {Thunk my own head} ASK QUESTIONS!
What is the greatest commandment? mark 12:28-31What should we think about? phil 4:8 What part of you should you guard fiercely? proverbs 4:23 How do you guard your life? luke 21:19 What should you stand firm too? back to Mark 12:28-31!

No, I doubt whether I would hear the answers I was hoping for but my asking him questions, sets him up to start seeking. And when you start seeking, God will open your eyes.

Whew, I feel better now... I know what questions to ask now... in the moment the questions don't come easily.... wished that it did...

Dearest Great Lover,
I want You to find pleasure in my love. I want to stand firm in my love for You. I don't want to deny You but it is the easiest thing to fall down when it comes to matters of acceptance and value. It is ok for others to deny me. I don't need them for You are all I need. I am reacting stronger now but I want it to be a constant. If I claim to have such tenacity then I must share it all with You.

I do ask for guidance and love for a soul that claims to be a christian. Help me ask the right questions. If he is truly Yours, You will deal with him. If he should not come back to pester me, I hope maybe with what I said in a feable way will still stir him to ask his own questions....

Thank You for Authoring me and designing my life path. I love You. Thank You for loving me first and always.
~ your little girl

.:note to self:.
~new words~ I am a born again believer of Jesus Christ who paid with His life to love me. What more can I do but love Him back will all of my body, mind, heart, and soul and to do so purely. I have high standards for myself. My no means no. end of conversation.

If I was a strong willed child (did not conform to peer pressure), I certainly need to retain my strong willed tactics in my adult years!

enduring love ...

Love endures. Love has faith. Love has hope. When single one says of course my love for him will last forever. Ok, I believe you because I feel that and want that too. Then I look at my love life with my God. Is my love for Him enduring? faithful? hopeful? Or do I go into fits of sadness and questioning?

When some of 'Job's trials' visit me, my love for God canNOT falter. It must endure. It must keep the faith. It must hope. I need to meet God's Love with all of my love. His out does mine by far. He knows that but I want Him to delight in my love that I give to Him. Love is work but work that I will delight in.

Storms and tragedies reveal who you are. I want God-love to be what you see. Satan was bending God's ear telling him that Job only loved God because He poured out favor upon him. What happened when God stripped Job of every earthly treasure and on top of that took his health? Job still loved God. Hmmm... when you look at it like this, can your love endure? When the Lord giveth good gifts and taketh good gifts, can your love remain faithful? When you are bare and clothed in ashes, can your love still soar in hope?

time to pump joy - increase your stregth...

Joy {n}

A mood goes away by kicking!!!!
~oswald chambers

What is JOY?
* It is trusting God and doing good.
In a plain word - OBEDIENCE! Just do it!

* It is dwelling in the Lord and feeding on His Faithfulness.
Verbally express your gratitude and declare His Attributes.
How big is your God?

* It is delighting in the Lord.
Be aware and claim God's Victories in your life.

By following these simple steps, you will find God takes care of your heart. JOY WIPES OUT THE SAD TEARS. Death comes to melancholy and depression. You will begin to FEEL YOUR FAITH.

It does not stop. You will have flare ups. You must do this every moment.

My Joy Journey started in 2003 and it continues. My name is 'from the dark valley blooms Joyful one'.

"Trust the Lord & do good. Dwell in the Lord & feed on His Faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord & He will take care of your heart." Ps 37:3-4