secret things vs. revealed things

I have been wanting closure then taking it back on a friendship with someone who was very important to me. There was no fight only long talks which have left me with a lot of good memories. This person left. I have spent 4 years trying to close the door. I would love to have a final conversation so I can get rid of him but honestly I would rather he come back. So I sorta want a closure but don't want to. I hate ugly and friendship endings are always ugly.

A warning: When you seek, you better be ready for an answer! God has given in Deut 29:29 my closure. I do not have to trust man's lame excuses. I can still pray for this person and still cherish him without getting mean and upset with him when and if I would get the chance. So I will take God's closure and know that He is at work and working out His Best for me and more importantly 'THROUGH' me. Just maybe this friendship I had wasn't His Best for me but rather maybe what I did or what we talked about helped and just maybe is continuing to echo His Word into this person's life. I did write a boat load of letters via snail mail and email. (Talking too much is probably the reason he vanished!)

The secret things belong to the Lord our God,
but things revealed belong to us
& to our children forever,
that me may follow all the words
of the law.
Deut 29:29

Ahhh, yes! The secret things belong to the Lord my God. This special person and his vanishing act belong to the Lord, never for me to understand or to know until God decides to reveal it to me even when my heart pipes up from the back and shouts out about Proverbs and the message there that understanding and wisdom are very important things to achieve in my life. I then have to calm my quaking heart with ''those who know God's Name will put their trust in God; for God the Lord have not forsaken those who SEEK HIM.'' (ps 9:10) By seeking God and His Word things revealed are before me to follow and obey. Obeying God is expressing my love to Him and in return obedience brings blessing - disobedience brings punishment.

I have enough revealed things to keep my heart and me very busy!

secret things:
*vanishing act by a very dear one

revealed things:
* a list of must haves so I will recognize the one
* a more God-confident me with more God-confidence to go
* I truly loved someone else - a work that I wanted to do forever
* fearing not a single hood future no matter what age... {hard swallow}
* if I have that 'fear' about something, I will speak up & not stuff it down
ie: his leaving - I knew he would leave but never told him this.
* Proverbs 18:1 & 24 - wrong to be insular - must show yourself friendly BUT if it doesn't work, if you love & love is denied in return there is SOMEONE WHO IS A FRIEND WHO STICKS CLOSER THAN A BROTHER. Jesus Christ loves me and will never forsake me! AMEN!

to rid a clinger ...

Guess I will try to recreate a lost blog entry...

If you are a male in need of getting rid of some girl that has taken a shine to you and you have been NICE to her and seemed to have shared great a great friendship, DO NOT JUST VANISH! Be mean and make her hate you. It is the kindest thing you could ever do for her. By making her hate you, you have allowed her to get rid of you quicker and on to her life. But noooooo you think you are being nice by just pooof goooone. What you are really doing is allowing you to stay in her life. All those good memories put up a real hard fight against your disappearance. The girl makes all kinds of excuses for you. It does not matter even if she has finally stopped obsessing over you, there are those moments that she still gives you credit over herself. You probably think that is just fine that you still look good in character when you should be classified as a monster and a bounty on your head for being a deserter.

If you are a girl in need of ridding yourself from a guy who has deserted you for no obvious reason, GET MAD. Stop being nice to him and be kind to yourself. He has told you that you are not good enough for him by not being man enough to face you. Translate that to the real equation: He is not good enough for you! He is not what you want. You want someone to say hello and STAY!!!!!!!!! He is a toxic clinger not you! So you are all alone. Horizons look bleak. Purge the old. Now is the time to be who you want to be. Make a list and start seeking this out before God.

vain attention = boy games

She couldn't wait to tell me about her weekend. She is engaged and living with a guy but was getting hit on by another guy all weekend. She enjoyed the attention yet knows this guy is crossing the line with excessive phone and text messages. She is feeling the relationship that she is in is a bit dull and she feels a tad ugly and the tummy pudge is because she is cushioning herself from the comments that bf is telling her. All the while she is telling me her escapade, I am having a dual conversation with myself over where to draw the line and what would I say to a guy with a flattery tongue when I should be figuring out what to ask her to see if she is thinking clearly...

I believe you must ask yourself what do you want. Do you want attention or do you what a quality man and a quality relationship? I know I have been there where you are craving attention and you choose that over the quality. Until you get sick and tired of wondering if a man is into you and start making that list of the wants, you are going to continue to pick attention over a long lasting and enjoyable relationship. I'm sorry but if you are wondering if he is into you, you are allowing him to play with your emotions like a cat cornering a mouse. Stop it! Be strong. Always go through the list.

A woman wants to be his beauty. This means she wants him to keep her pure and the relationship pure. He does not allow others to use her nor does he use her. He is always filling her with clean and pure love. He does not hurt her with comments that undermine her beauty. He knows just what to say to bring out her best. When he treats her as his beauty, there is no way she is going to look elsewhere for attention.

Why does it feeeeeels sooooo gooooood for a guy to pay attention to you? Why does the heart pound a little quicker? Why does the smile flash more? Why do the butterflies come? Why do we dress a bit more snappier and wear more make-up? I know I feel more alive and hey, even beautiful. But it is fleeting. Has it ever lasted? Something in our heads shuts off and we forget to remember what we really want. Totally boy games. Must stop losing my wits.

I have been picturing myself ... future self ... if some boy decides to pay attention to me that I will be a stronger more a whatever girl - a girl that does not get swayed by a look or by flattery - a girl who is calm and friendly yet makes the guy work for me. How else will you know he is made of endurance or is of quality? No digits given out. No allowances what-so-ever. And if I see any character flaw, test him more. He must show to be true down to his core. (Oh, how I wish I was as strong as I was at 8!)

..if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work. II Tim 2:21

I like that - being a vessel. I am not trying to mean to boys. I am just sooooo tired of it all. There is something about being a clean sleek vessel that is useful that is so appealing to me...

A prudent girl foresees evil in vain attention and hides herself; the simple girl passes on and is punished.
`keeper's version of proverbs 27:12.

The girl at work keeps asking if she is wrong. She knows the answer. We shall see if she can get this out of her system.

what woman want ...

A thought popped into to my head the other day and it goes like this ...

If I am wanting within a relationship with a man, he ain't the one!

... whew & wow! Pretty big thought for little ol' me! Then I started to list my wants and began to realize to fight back the 'he's just not into you' and all those guys who give off mix messages with my own 'he's just not want I want'. Two can play the game.

my want list
I want :
1. to be choosen/pursued by him
2. to follow his leadership.
3. to be filled by him & to receive from him.
4. to be his beauty and know his eyes light up when I walk in the room.
5. to be rescued by him.
6. to be protected by him & know I am safe.
7. to be kept by him.
8. to hear endearments & I love you's from him.
9. to be of value to him.
10. to be needed by him.

I feel these are basic needs all women need within the agreement of marriage. And if I find that I cannot function safely within these bonds, then he ain't the one! I WILL NOT accept motley and muddled inbred messages from boys who claim they arn't into you half the time and the other half of the time want you to pant after them. I am making boys sound bad but I have had grown men, a few who were suppose to be believers and even one I really looked up to mess around without regard to my heart and I am sick of it.

Truth be told I am sick of myself who broods over all the mixed messages trying to knit together something thick enough to keep me warm. Oh, to be safe .... NOT GOING THERE! Bye! I got to go read Psalms 18! The True Knight in Shining Armor on a white horse to boot....