I will wait for you ...

If it takes forever I will wait for you

For a thousand summers I will wait for you

Till you're back beside me, till I'm holding you

Till I hear you sigh here in my arms

Anywhere you wander, anywhere you go

Every day remember how I love you so

In your heart believe what in my heart I know

That forever more I'll wait for you

The clock will tick away the hours one by one

Then the time will come when all the waiting's done

The time when you return and find me here and run

Straight to my waiting arms

If it takes forever I will wait for you

For a thousand summers I will wait for you

Till you're here beside me, till I'm touching you

And forevermore sharing your love

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I heard this songon the Lawrence Welk show tonight.  I had to search for the lyrics... and note it here.  See I waited for someone.  I didn't think he would come back and was pleasantly surprised.  Now the question to why did I wait comes up.  Hard to explain.  It does have to be the right person.  I suppose it is only right that if I truly don't understand why he went away that he won't understand totally why I stayed.  I chalk it up to God's Knowing and His Doing.  I am so grateful because God made me better through his leaving and it could be possible that the one who left needed me to wait for him.  God's Ways are a bit mysterious yet I love that about Him.  

to be made perfect ...

"God doesn't give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need to help you, to hurt you, to have you, to love you, and to make you into the person you were meant to be."

I saw this quote and wrote it down. I wanted to think about it. Is this true? Is it Biblical?

I have this special person that came into my life. There is such a connection that it indescribable. I've learned so much from him and then he hurt me by his disappearance even though it was not his intention. God taught me so much in those bleak days that the wound isn't something I will give up. It is liked I earned it and painfully. It is mine. I want to remember and never forget because God revealed Himself and I have fallen in love God and His Word.  I want to fall more and more in love with God.  To be smitten the rest of my days.... Truly Joyfullllllllllllll!

It is true that God brings people into your life.  This one was most definitely one I wanted.  We had connection and now some history.  We are learning to do the 'one anothers' and to being made perfect for His Glory.

Genesis 50:19 But Joseph said to them, “Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God?20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

a Race or a Battle?

How to die from cancer or some prolonged death has been twirling around in my mind of late. (My prayer list has too many with cancer...) It is often said 'I am going to beat this thing' or 'She lost her battle with cancer.' As a believer I shutter at these words and I began to question why this wasn't sitting right with me.

In Ephesians 6:10-18 it tells us to put on the full armor of God. Why? To make a stand against the devil's schemes. This is the battle not cancer. The battle is about good vs. evil. Everlasting Life vs. everlasting death. It about keeping our faith sure and strong. No wavering. For our battle is not against flesh and blood! Doesn't this mean our battle is not against sickness or death? Cancer is a beast and so very unforgiving. We feeble humans fight cancer with poison! How whacked out is that? I just want rip at my heart and scream on the top of lungs... that is how much I feel about this.

I always need a picture to deal with life's hardships and how I am to behave as a believer. So if cancer isn't the battle what is it? and how do I deal with it victoriously? I see it like in II Timothy 4:6-8. Cancer should be a race. Well, to clarify it even more, life is a race. Cancer would be a bend or the steep incline or a chapter in the race. It is not how fast but it about the endurance. It is seeing yourself running and there in the stands are others who have endure the what you have gone through. There are family members and friends who are praying for you and holding you before God. These are the witnesses like Isaiah 43:12 talks about. ("You are My witnesses," declares the Lord "that I AM God.") I like looking up into those stands because others have endured bring Glory to God and so can I. I also have ones that are coming behind me. I must be a good witness for them. (I use this in my singleness too.) I don't focus on the stands rather that is in side vision because my focus is on the finish line where my Lord and Master is waiting with outstretched BARE Arms to welcome me. Ah, what a bear hug that will be. I smile and if there are tears it is tears of JOY. Yes, I sorrow because I am stuck here with all those human feelings of loss but I have the promise of EVERLASTING LIFE. I am all good!!!!

Paul says "For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the Crown of Righteous, which the Lord, the Righteous Judge, will reward to me on that day- and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His Appearing." ~II Timothy 4:6-8 AMEN!!!!

We have two frontlines as a believer. The battle of faith and the race of life. I feel we must keep a clear perspective of both and not mix up the sickness as the battle. Our battle is against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil .... anything that would rob us of living purely and strongly for God.

No matter what you think or even if you think a bit off my rocker, the battle is the Lord's and He is the Strong Man. Here is another picture I love... 'How can anyone enter a strong man's house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man? Then he can rob his house. He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters.' Matt 12:29-30 See Jesus Christ is my Strong Man. I send Him to the door. I know I am safe with Him..... I will not be tied up. I will run free straight into His Arms. Praise Yahweh.....

a day of rejoicing is coming ...

I walked into the hospital room knowing that she was nearing this life's finish line. The cancer was too beastly and too fast. She did open her eyes and spoke in very soft tones. She asked for water and I offer it to her but in the middle of her very slow first sip, her eyes closed like she dozed off. She is in a lot of pain and is on some heavy pain meds. I did hold her hand before the nurse came in to change the clear bags hanging beside her. Her husband encouraged me to talk to her but I found myself falling silent.

The woman in this bed is about 8 years older than me. She is in my childhood memories. I remember her and her sisters baby-sitting me and my brother. They had two cute black and white bull dogs called Moses and Sarah. They lived on a farm and I loved their farm house. I haven't seen her sense. My mom works at the hospital on a floor where a lot of cancer patients go when they are having a major battle with cancer and need hospital care. I happened to call mom about a birthday matter coming up and she said our family friend was back in the hospital and it was not good. I told mom I would come up.

I am sensitive and I try to put my feet in other's shoes. I knew her kids where teenagers and I can help but wonder how these kids were going to cope in the days and years ahead. This beautiful woman has a beautiful husband who talked to me so I began to ask him questions learning more about his family and even finding common bonds like going to the same college. The youngest son was playing football that night. The middle son is marrying and coming home from Chicago this month. The oldest has graduated from college and as a teaching job. She hasn't found love in college and there isn't even a boyfriend. I told her father that it was ok and he said yeah, that you might as well wait until the ONE comes and you just know. I nodded my head in agreement. .... I could now walk out of this room carrying them in my prayers and go to the mats do some major wrestling with the Lord for them.

Earlier in the day I sneaked some time to search for so balm and just happened to read Psalms 8 where it says, where it says 'what is man that you are mindful of him? and where God has made man a little lower than angels and that He gave man dominion over the works of His Hands.' This might be weird that it brought me comfort but I couldn't help but think of all the things God has given us in this life that is like a flower that flourish and passes away. This life is soooooo fragile and the gifts are soooo wonderful. Her gifts? Finding love, marrying a neat guy, having kids .... she probably has a lot more on her list...

A question sent me to wondering ... A mother with early adult children is dying. I am sure she has lots she wants to tell them. Being a daughter myself I cannot dare to go to a time where I don't have my mother to rely on.... I did have a comforting thought... The Word of God has helped me greatly and I am sure for this mother as well. She can rest assured that His Word can guide her children especially because she loved it, they will want to get closer to her by reading It and finding answers needed in today's questions and tests. I love this thought and can let out a comforted sigh...

I told mom that her hubby really loved her and you want to know how I could tell in a short amount of time? He said that finding the love of his life was the best gift Grace College have him. He also asked to hold her hand and said thank you even though it looked like she was sleeping. He has been trying hard to get her home so they can have a bedside wedding of their son today because they are unsure of how long she will be able to hold on and the wedding is schedule at the end of the month. Besides she just wants to go home to die. I don't know how this man is holding on. He did not show any tears but there was a softness around his edges and I am sure that he is putting on his strong face.

I cannot say that she lost her battle with cancer rather she is just finishing this earthy race. She is laying down this earthly mantel to put on her heavenly one called Eternal Life. She is trading in the pain and limitations to walk upright into her Heavenly Father Arms. Her own mother and father are waiting in the wings ready to welcome her home. She will truly understand that death has lost its sting where her loved ones just don't quite understand because it is so raw and painful now. All we can do is 'walk by faith not by sight.' A chorus came to my mind as I was walking and doing some heavy thinking. It brought Joy ... even in this bittersweet time. '... when we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory!'


♩♬♪♫
Sing the wondrous love of Jesus,
Sing His mercy and His grace.
In the mansions bright and blessèd
He’ll prepare for us a place.

Refrain

When we all get to Heaven,
What a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus,
We’ll sing and shout the victory!

While we walk the pilgrim pathway,
Clouds will overspread the sky;
But when traveling days are over,
Not a shadow, not a sigh.

Refrain

Let us then be true and faithful,
Trusting, serving every day;
Just one glimpse of Him in glory
Will the toils of life repay.

Refrain

Onward to the prize before us!
Soon His beauty we’ll behold;
Soon the pearly gates will open;
We shall tread the streets of gold.

Refrain♪

Words: Eliza E. Hewitt

good fig exiled in Babylon ...

I have a story from the Old Testament that I must tell you as it has given me great hope for my own plight. This story begins with a dream. A dream given to Jeremiah by the Almighty to give hope, encouragement, and an assignment to the exiles in Babylon. Two baskets of figs placed in front of the temple of the Lord where shown to Jeremiah. One basket had verrrrrry gooooood figs, like those ripen early; the other basket had very bad figs, so bad they could not be eaten. Then God asked Jeremiah what he saw. It was God wanted the vision spoken aloud. Then the Lord explained the dream.

"Like these good figs, I regard as the good the exiles from Judah, whom I sent away from this place to the land of the Babylonians. My Eye will watch over them for their good, and I will bring them back to this land. I will build them up and not tear them down; I will plant them and not uproot them. I will give them a heart to know Me, that I am the Lord. They will be My people, and I will be their God, for they will return to Me with all their heart.

But like the bad figs, which are so bad they cannot be eaten so will I deal with Zedekiah king of Judah, his officials and the survivors from Jerusalem, whether they remain in this land or live in Egypt. I will make them abhorrent and an offense to all the kingdoms of the earth, a reproach and a byword, an object of ridicule and cursing, wherever I banish them. I will send the sword, famine, and plague against them until they are destroyed from the land I gave them and their fathers."

Then God had Jeremiah write out His letter for the surviving elders, priests, and prophets among the exiles in Babylon to read to them. Before the letter is read there is a listing of who the exiles where. What came to my eyes? The craftsmen and artisans. Now these are my kind of people. I then knew this story was for me. I must get back to what was in the letter...

To My exiles in Babylon,
Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.

Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. They are prophesying lies to you in My Name. I have not sent them.

When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill My Gracious Promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places I have banished you and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.

always your Heavenly Father

Wow! All this can be read for yourself in Jeremiah 24:1-10 and Jeremiah 29:1-23. I had to reread several times because I felt this dream was just for me. I am a craftsman and artisan. I find great joy spending time painting, looming, crocheting, cross stitching, ink stamping and paper punching. I find even more fulfillment if I can use what I do with my hands to encourage another. But I am EXILED, exiled in Babylon. I am working in cost accounting for a boss who has fits of huffing. I did not want this job but this job is of God. I am not left abandoned. I have instructions to carry out. I am to build, settle down (not complain), plant, eat from the produce, increase not decrease (increase the joy not the grief), seek peace and prosperity of the company so that I too will prosper, and close my ears to anyone who says things that are not of God (other dissenters and ill seekers). In due time my Heavenly Father will bring me back home where I live out my passion in fullness.

What is interesting is that this story is hidden behind the great verse of Jeremiah 29:11. You just can't have the great verse without the story. It makes the verse deeper and richer and makes the story real because you know it in your life. I vow never to forget this story. I wrote it down here and am trying my hand at a poem. I am going to tell this story to anyone and everyone who will hear....

treasuring up wrath or Joy ...

I love contrasts because it gives depth. Contrasts moves an issue from 2D to 3D. For me the back of my neck bristles with excitement when contrasts present itself. I become spellbound. Well, I have to share my latest find!

It is about treasuring.

Romans 2:5
But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed.

vs.

Matthew 6:19-21
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

The skinny: What your treasure?
stubbornness, unrepentant heart, wrath or love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

Just a little something to get into ....

out of life's storms & into Thy Calm ...

I heard this song play on BBNRadio.org yesterday afternoon and I wanted to reacquaint myself with this old hymn. The right words at the right time kind of moment lets my heart uncurl from the tight ball of anger and brokenness that had taken hold. A breeze was in the air taking me to Jesus ....


Jesus, I come
Out of my bondage, sorrow, and night,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into Thy freedom, gladness, and light,
Jesus, I come to Thee;
Out of my sickness, into Thy health,
Out of my want and into Thy wealth,
Out of my sin and into Thyself,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of my shameful failure and loss,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into the glorious gain of Thy cross,
Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of earth’s sorrows into Thy balm,
Out of life’s storms and into Thy calm,
Out of distress to jubilant psalm,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of unrest and arrogant pride,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into Thy blessèd will to abide,
Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of myself to dwell in Thy love,
Out of despair into raptures above,
Upward for aye on wings like a dove,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of the fear and dread of the tomb,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into the joy and light of Thy throne,
Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of the depths of ruin untold,
Into the peace of Thy sheltering fold,
Ever Thy glorious face to behold,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Words: William T. Sleeper, in Gospel Hymns No. 5, 1887.
Music: George C. Stebbins (MI DI, score).

treasure lost ...

So this guy from Canada is looking for a long lost love of 45 years ago in Melbourne, Australia. They got lost in each other over the matter of 3 hours. He made her promise to write him and she did but the letter got lost for 3 years, but he got it none the less. But he never returned the letter and got married and divorced to another girl ... yadda yadda. Now he has says that he only fell in love once not twice or 1 and a half, just once. Now is the time to fix old regrets.

Normally, I would fell for this sentimental sob story. Not this girl anymore. See I had an encounter that totally changed my life. Probably can't call it love but it was a real strong connection at the very least it was a friendship that had great potential. Well, the bloke off and left. Even though we really had something, I sorta knew that he would leave but it still caught me off guard. I had no regrets. I think we even talked about the passage of time and what it would bring. Well, sorry to say I am not one to wait till 45 years later to look him up. Why would I wait? Crazy notion. Why waste alllllll that time?

I could scream! Doesn't love fight to keep? Think love grows on trees? Think love will come back? Love is fragile like a petals on a rose. Love is rare. Why the games? Why the cloak and dagger? It burns me up.

It has been 5 years now and still counting. I am still here and reachable. I have the box of memories all in my head. I shoved them into the corner but sometimes they come back and torture me. The audios play out his inflections, thoughts, arches, and statements that went high on the end like a question. The voice gets me every time. It is a struggle to get myself back but I do. He has messed it up for every boy that comes after. Do I care? No. But I do.... because now I have the wounded heart and I caught it from him.

I used to side with Love. I had her back. I knew the potential and the power. Now it is a silly old daydream that is nice on a rainy day....

I wish the man well on his quest to locate his lost love but you don't loose what you treasure....

love stinks ... teehee

I have a real hard time with Paul when he admonishes the singles to stay single. I think because he seems quite happy to be single and I am not. I think because I have always felt like a misfit and seem to always go against the peer pressure. It just seems that marriage is a place where you can finally breath without looking over your shoulder. So I rather like what Jesus has to say on 'singlehood' in Matthew. It feels more kind and encompasses more singles than those who have no desire for marriage.

Matthew 19:12
For there are eunuchs
who were born thus,
from their mother's womb,
& there are eunuchs
who were made eunuchs by men,
& there are eunuchs
who have made themselves eunuchs
for the Kingdom of Heaven's sake.
He who is able to accept it,
let him accept it.

Well, 40 has brought on me needing to accept singlehood. It is one of the hardest things to do with so many hazards out there sabotaging my every thought. I was going along with my life and my Amigurumi addiction was keeping me level and functioning then I get asked 'if I was married' and 'if I liked boys or not' at a family Christmas function. Then later I get this call if I would like to go on a blind date. This person was well meaning and it was harmless but man, did it send my thoughts in a wild frenzy and I had some low points last week. BTW I said no to a blind date. Good grief! {take deep breath}

I love BNN {worldwide Christian radio} that has great hymns and pastors. With it comes a lot of marriage tidbits and help that I really dig. But after taking stock of my life, I have spent 20 years studying marriage, what a wife is, and what makes boys tick because I wanted to have the best marriage and be the best wife I could be. Now it gets me because singles need help. If a good marriage is a mission field for all those out there with bad ones then being single should be a mission field for all the singles messing around or are walking wounded. Elizabeth Elliot said "our disappointments are God's appointments." This is a good boost for a thought I have been nursing for the past months. Something along the lines of Singlehood Survival .... of course I am not main stream so maybe my survival kit wouldn't help others. If I create this dream and it only helps me to be full joy and vibrant than it is worth it. I know vague on the dream but people like to rain on my parade and fail to shush and truly listen.

Oh, I have thought of a retort for those pesky questions on my marital status and it is Biblical! It is good for those 'talk backs' I need to pack myself when the heart starts to bleed and the mind goes into downward spiral and the tears heave. I might not quote all the verse as it just might blood to boil but parts of it still packs some heat....

Marriage is honorable ...
be content with such things as you have.
For Jesus Himself has said,
"I will never leave you nor forsake you."
So we may boldly say:
"The Lord is my Helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?"
~ Hebrews 13:4-6

If I really need to shut someone up, I would quote all of it but this saids a lot right here. It certainly shuts me up! I do get a killer wicked grin on my face and I get my mind back and the bleeding stops and the tears recede. I am sure I will have dark episodes and that I would be out the woods on this but I have my footing back and I will keep fortifying myself with His Love Letter.

God is not dead nor doth He sleep...

I was loom knitting my first Christmas bells earlier in the month and as I was amazed at how well they turned out, some of the words from a beloved Christmas Hymn came to mind. "God is not dead nor doth He sleep ... peace on earth, good-will to men''. I was trying to recall all the words from the hymn when from the back of the darken memory halls came the thought that this hymn was written in the time of war. Was it WWII? I would search for more info when I got online but it was dark and the Christmas lights were twinkling, bedtime was here, and my heart was very moved thinking how much hope is there was in hearing Christmas Bells. God is not dead to the quaking hearts of man even in war or financial darkness. I prayed with heavy heart for those of us facing turbulent times at work and possible no work in the near future and I prayed with a very light heart because of the HOPE in God who cares for little old me and for all those who SEEK Him.

When I did get online to find the words to this beloved hymn, I found out that it was a poem written by a beloved American poet. It wasn't WWII but the American Civil war on Christmas Day 1864. More info found that Henry had just received news that his son was injured in battle and he also had lost his wife to a fire accident two years prior. This man had so much darkness and despair in his heart and he let it bubble out onto the written page and with it his faith and hope in God poured out too. It still rings out today in any kind of pain or loss or desperation. Let the Christmas Bells ring out in the chambers of your heart today and year 'round!

Christmas Bells by Henry W Longfellow

I HEARD the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Till ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime,
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men."

FEAR NOT!!!

Instead of resolutions I choose a theme for each year as a way to seek God on something that I would like to enrich in my life. It isn't about change or self-help but rather seeking and having God-Help in my life. Some years I don't have a theme and what is cool is that God brings a theme into my life just like He did this year.

Towards the beginning of the year the whisper of ~fear not~ began. I saw it in that God never has told us to be discouraged or defeated. He is always saying to ~fear not and to take heart~! I just want to shout because it moved me so. Then September hit me like a freight train on a frantic mission of speed and evil - an old relationship tried to come back and the combining of two companies then with the $markets in a tailspin, I had feelings of sadness and wonderings. God sent in the sparrows so that I could hear His ~fear not~. My strength was renewed and I want to spread it to my family as each of us is affected since 3 of us have manufacturing jobs.

I am so thankful to have these two weeks off here in December even if it is because my place of work is teetering on the unknown. I have been on the go for so long and so fast, this calm is so welcomed and enjoyed. I do not know what January holds but I shout back that God took care of me with one job loss, He will take care of me in this one.

Who knows, maybe there will be a new beginning in work that I am passionate about! Last time God gave me the gift of JOY. So all I can be is excited and expectant for what He will bring!

I do feel frustrated when I see the men in my life get bogged down by the pressures of work and their loss of providing for their loved ones. I know this is crucial in a man's life so how does a girl reflect this ~fear not~ message into a man's life? I don't know but to quietly express it and convey to them how good they are in the providing. God will be showing me the way of encouraging because I seek ...

I am making a list of ~fear not passages from His Word. Try it! I using the Blue Letter Bible.com to do my study.

'The Lord Himself goes before you
& will be with you;
He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid;
Do not be discouraged.'
Deut 31:8

'For I the Lord thy God will hold your right hand,
saying unto thee, FEAR NOT;
I will help thee.'
Isa 41:13

'FEAR NOT for I have redeemed thee,
I have called thee by thy name;
thou art Mine.'
Isa 43:1

'Wait on the Lord,
Be of Good Courage
& He will strengthen thine heart ♡'
Ps 27:14

'I, even I, am He
Who comforts you.
Who are you to be afraid of mortal man?'
Isa 51:12

'The Lord will not allow the righteous soul to famish.'
Prov 10:3

'.. if God is for us, who can be against us?'
Rom 8:31

'The Lord gives strength to His people;
the Lord bless His people with peace.
Ps 29:11

'Look to the Lord
& His Strength;
Seek His Face always.
Remember the Wonders He has done,
His Miracles & the judgements He pronounced.'
Ps 105:4-5

'Rejoice in Christ Jesus
& have NO confidence in the flesh.'
Phil 3:3

'For God has NOT given us the spirit of fear,
but of POWER, and of LOVE, and of a SOUND MIND.'
II Tim 1:7

'And when I saw Him, I fell at His feet as dead.
And He laid His Right hand upon me, saying unto me,
FEAR NOT; I am the First and the Last.'
Rev 1:17

'Who shall not fear Thee, O Lord,
and glorify Thy Name?
For Thou only art Holy:
for all nations shall come and worship before Thee;
for Thy judgements are made manifest.'
Rev 15:4

So quake on earth, I SHALL NOT BE MOVED!

Merry Christmas & FEAR NOT!

FEAR NOT for behold,
I bring you Good Tidings of Great Joy
which will be to all people.
For there is born to you this day in the city of David
a SAVIOR, who is Christ the Lord.'
Luke 2:10-11

secret things vs. revealed things

I have been wanting closure then taking it back on a friendship with someone who was very important to me. There was no fight only long talks which have left me with a lot of good memories. This person left. I have spent 4 years trying to close the door. I would love to have a final conversation so I can get rid of him but honestly I would rather he come back. So I sorta want a closure but don't want to. I hate ugly and friendship endings are always ugly.

A warning: When you seek, you better be ready for an answer! God has given in Deut 29:29 my closure. I do not have to trust man's lame excuses. I can still pray for this person and still cherish him without getting mean and upset with him when and if I would get the chance. So I will take God's closure and know that He is at work and working out His Best for me and more importantly 'THROUGH' me. Just maybe this friendship I had wasn't His Best for me but rather maybe what I did or what we talked about helped and just maybe is continuing to echo His Word into this person's life. I did write a boat load of letters via snail mail and email. (Talking too much is probably the reason he vanished!)

The secret things belong to the Lord our God,
but things revealed belong to us
& to our children forever,
that me may follow all the words
of the law.
Deut 29:29

Ahhh, yes! The secret things belong to the Lord my God. This special person and his vanishing act belong to the Lord, never for me to understand or to know until God decides to reveal it to me even when my heart pipes up from the back and shouts out about Proverbs and the message there that understanding and wisdom are very important things to achieve in my life. I then have to calm my quaking heart with ''those who know God's Name will put their trust in God; for God the Lord have not forsaken those who SEEK HIM.'' (ps 9:10) By seeking God and His Word things revealed are before me to follow and obey. Obeying God is expressing my love to Him and in return obedience brings blessing - disobedience brings punishment.

I have enough revealed things to keep my heart and me very busy!

secret things:
*vanishing act by a very dear one

revealed things:
* a list of must haves so I will recognize the one
* a more God-confident me with more God-confidence to go
* I truly loved someone else - a work that I wanted to do forever
* fearing not a single hood future no matter what age... {hard swallow}
* if I have that 'fear' about something, I will speak up & not stuff it down
ie: his leaving - I knew he would leave but never told him this.
* Proverbs 18:1 & 24 - wrong to be insular - must show yourself friendly BUT if it doesn't work, if you love & love is denied in return there is SOMEONE WHO IS A FRIEND WHO STICKS CLOSER THAN A BROTHER. Jesus Christ loves me and will never forsake me! AMEN!

dead ends ...

I stumbled upon a really good book at the library that came to me at a really good time - 'God Works the Nightshift' by Ron Mehl. I loved this book as well as the 'Tender Commandments' that I went on a buying spree two years ago and got all his books.

Ron is a pastor who has leukemia. He knows the tender and dark side of living this life for God. Need some simple TLC? Read his books and maybe you will want to have him in your library. I feel that I can go back to his books over and over again. It is like a 'book soul mate'! Can that be? =)

I recently reread his book 'Surprise Endings' and now reading the last of his books I haven't read -'Dead Ends'. I am there feeling like I have been on a dead end for some time now but really has intensified in September. Tonight's chapter was about waiting rooms. Ahh, he really gave a good visual. Imagine that in your waiting room there is 'Noah reading a boating mag waiting for rain' etc. In my waiting room Noah is checking out my company's boat brochure as I am waiting to break out of a numbers job and into a writing books. {smiles} Oh, Ruth's in that waiting room too! She is waiting on a husband and Redeemer so I guess I am with good company.

God never ever said to be discouraged! Go ahead try to find it in His Word. Nope, it is always DON'T be afraid. DON'T be discouraged. Take heart. Be of Good Courage.

So here is to dead ends, nightshifts, and surprise endings...
*

two footing it ...

I stopped by my parents on Thursday to pick up something and there peeking around the corner was precious Lucia. She is soooo cute. My niece is in the crawling stage and is so smiley. It is amazing to look into the younger generation and see parts of yourself. It moves your heart.

She has finally figured out the crawling but she much rather be walking instead. She pulls herself up, holds your hands and away she goes. This is more fun for her. Very interesting. Ethen, her cousin, never did crawl. He bypassed the stage and was two footing it. Amazing that crawling is not the in thing to do in our family!

A big lesson here! Something maybe this auntie will be able to impart upon these special gifts. If ever there is a tear in the eye or a pain in the heart my child, you never where into crawling. No, you were made for walking so walk tall!

love letters ...

Oprah had a couple on today who wrote to each other every single day of their marriage so much so that they have 105lbs of letters! Oh, how I love that. But then again my love language is words.

Their letters consisted of 3 things:
1. How do I feel today
2. I love you because
3. a question <- they both answered the same question and would talk about it.

Ahhh, how I miss my Precious Gift. We were doing the question thing a loud. I ate it up. {sniffles}

a distress damsel psalm ...

I've hinted to the fact that I am in the backyard of my 30's. I guess I am freaking out a bit emotionally too - not at my age (suppose that will happen soon) but at these rollercoaster feelings and the knowledge of the craziness my mother felt. {screams} I just want to move through this phase of my life with all the good lessons I've learned so far like the joy and continue through with more joy, tranquility, and gentleness. I don't want anger to rule my life...

I connected few dots yesturday and I am on the point of breaking through to something huge for myself. It makes me quite excited and I hope that by weeks end when my vacation is ending that I have 'my own best friend habits' set in place. Meaning a way to fight back and save me from the 'internal social pressures' that run amuck in women my age... I am enough and loved.. Now lets take a look a woman's fairytale of a psalms!

One of the major connecting of the dots for me was reading Psalms 18 through the eyes of a woman instead of a soldier or through King David. Put on your female eyes and try it with all the muck that is going on in your life and include your fairytale story and see how this psalm changes your life...


Psalms 18: 1-6 speaks of your love for God and His Mighty ways in your life. Then you call out to be saved from your enemies. What is your enemy? Death - when you just want to live. Death for the woman is feeling like no one cares that your nose is the only thing that is staying above the torent waters. You are treading water but nothing is keeping you afloat. You are tired. You are doing everything and being everybody to family, work etc. Quite simply, you are trying to be the best you and the emotions and feelings are telling you 'not enough, you are just not enough!' So you cry out to God who has been there and has shown Himself to you before but you just not feeling it now and that makes you feel bad even worse.

Now this is the exciting part! Check out Psalms 18: 8-19! How many of us has dreamed of that prince on a white horse coming to our rescue? Why can't there be that rescue for this poor damsel in distress? HERE IT IS!!!! DRINK IT IN!!! See how our woes and distresses anger our God? He is enraged that the enemy is stealing our Joy and our strength. Here in these verses I am floored at the description of His Anger! {dances the happiest jig ever} Read that over and over until you feel it real in your life. Then watch Him swoop down and feel yourself swing through the air coming to rest behind God on His mighty white work stallion. Wrap your arms around Him and don't let go!

Psalms 18:20-24 is where you tell God what you have done in the right ways. It is an honesty check but when you have down the right ways and talk that out to God, you know by keeping His Ways there is blessing there. You are reminding yourself not God because He already knows. It is time for you to get into your path and see through. It is understanding that even when you do everything right and it feels like failure, that is the enemy talking. You talk back with the God-Blessings that you receive by doing right ways.

Psalms 18:25-36 is declaring God Attributes in your life path. Again it is you talking back or aloud about how your Prince has rescued you and has fought the battle for you. It is a self reminder not to get stuck in not being enough. That is death. Stay away from it. God is your Source. He is your Everything from Alpha to Omega. He is your Commander. He has your orders and the way to do them. He is your Husbandman and Keeper. He is your Creator and He sure created us a bit more intricate and intimate that man. He understands all our nuances. He made us this way for a reason - for marriage and for man. He created us naturing and beautiful - two aspects of His Nature. Who else should we go to if we are feeling used up and ugly? The Source!!!! Fill up!!!

Psalms 18:37-42 is showing how God Attributes come through us. He arms us with strength / joy for the battle before us. Look how we crush our destroyers! We are not destroyed. We have the victory.

Psalms 18:42-50 is praise to God who rescued us. We are His chosen and that does not mean we lay down and die. We arise and claim victory over all that seek to crush us. The enemy hates our beauty. Satan will do anything to undermine us. By doing so he thinks he can bring down God. We know this yet our actions say we don't believe that God is our Salvation and Rescuer. Time to live this Psalm out moment by moment. Our story is a romance story and it has a happy ending. Time to make victory in our middles....

{wails beating my chest it is so powerful}

food, sails, craft ideas...

1. I found a nice eggplant at a farmer's market. I enjoy eggplant and I hope to make a good dish or two from it. I also got pear butter made without sugar. It is better than my own pear jam that I made last year from our bounty of pears. (no pears at all this year!) I will be making corn cakes soon and smearing my new pear butter on it!

2. I enjoyed watching some sail boats on Lake Winona back in my college town. I enjoyed the sights of the place. Very cottage-esk making me wish to have a summer home here.

3. I nosed around crafts today getting ideas for my own painting and ideas or wishes for my home. Oh, to have my shop of glass!!!!!

*Final destination was to sit with my baby niece. First few hours were good but she is stuffy and having her first bit with a cold. She got cranky and cried a lot the last hours with her. When Momma held her, she went to sleep. Grrr.... I wonder how we will bond as she grows.... It is all about what attracts us and what we are willing to bring to the table...

I got one pix of Tink the dog. He was having his nap and was looking very cute but I got no pix of my baby niece. {sniffles}. I was hoping to get a few and a possilbe video clip... another time....

paper, babycakes, home

* I hate allllllllll the plastic bags I accumulate. So I finally got the nerve up and asked for paper at one of my local grocery stores. Don' know why I feel like I am bucking the system. Anyhow, I just noticed on the paper bag, I can get 3¢ off on my next bill if I reuse the bags! Deal!

* I just got my first NYC Babycakes newsletter. She is writing a cookbook for all of us food allergy peeps!!! I am excited.

* I have to report that being home is the best place. My nerve endings can heal. No one belly aching about this or that. No complaints. Just me and myself - hanging out, being peaceful, and smiling by watching a funny movie. A bonus? Finding the driver to make my scanner work on my newer iMac version.

I needed to have good reports. Anger crept into me today. I get so tired of others especially ones you like comments that hinder the work atmosphere instead of encourage it. Some of the comments that come out of her about others are somethings she actually does. I don't like thinking like this about her yet I don't want to fall down into this either. Whatever is of good report .. think on these things....

a hooded raincoat ...

Rain pouring on the roof, windows, and walls makes for a great day to curl up under the covers. Wrong! It is Monday! I pull out my trusty raincoat where the inner lining is frayed. I must find a new one. I don't care for umbrellas but I sure love a raincoat with a hood. In my book it is not a raincoat without one! I haven't seen a good one this spring or summer season... I wonder what the fall season will hold...

soft ...

* is the thud from a very young unripe green apple falling from the tree.
* is the flutter of two white butterflies in a lover's dance among the neighbor's flower garden.
* is the sudden breeze whispering through your slightly curled hair on a cool summer saturday.