Expression of lifestyle freedom…

Have you ever noticed that those who live the gay lifestyle say how freeing it is to not hide it anymore? There are no more secrets, no more closets. I have heard the stories that lead them to this 'freedom' and I cannot help but to feel that they now are duping themselves even more. What lights my fire is this expression of freedom. Let me say it like it really is.

There is a freedom like after huge Thanksgiving meal where you obscenely pigged out and now you let down the zipper of your pants and flop out your spare tire. You feel a relief. You no longer feel restricted as you slip into that food coma bliss.

Then there is anther kind of freedom like after a Thanksgiving meal where you only ate just enough to be happily satisfied. You stopped long before you blow it. Now you have a freedom of playing flag football or in my dream world a bit of slapstick hockey.

Both express a since of freedom but only one is healthy... only one is honest... only one is honorable... only one is genuine...

What seed are you?

2010 has been the year of cancer. I am surrounded and dazed. I need a way out but there is no escape. All I can do is listen.

With each announcement of the diagnosis and with each turn for the worse, I get busy with praying. I am just an observer feeling helpless on the sidelines. My deep feelings come out in liquid form even when I rest on His Promises - even when I know death will never have victory.

Through the trenches of prayer 'warrioring', God has brought hymns and scriptures to mind to boost my hope. Sometimes it comes in my daily reading of the Scriptures like I Corinthians 15:35-58. On first reading what hope is found! The wasting earthly body will be clothe with glorious immortal body. Now that is something I can shout about after seeing a believer's body succumb to the ravages of cancer. Within the anguishes of prayer I thank God for His Ultimate Design of our glorious bodies in our Everlasting Life.

With a mind that sees pictures, I paused on our earthly body as a seed sown. Aren't seeds little packages of hope and expectation? Hasn't God given us talents and gifts to use for others? Hasn't our journey been filled with hardships and pain resulting in lessons filled with treasure? Put this all together. Wouldn't all we do and all the journey lessons we have required be all neatly packaged in this seed we call our flesh? So what you put into it is what you get? What kind of seed are you? It is frighting and exciting at the same time!

As this year closes and a new one begins, I will be reflecting on little seeds. Well, more like one little seed - me! Such potential to lay this little package God-Designed seed at my Savior's feet or what if the seed doesn't germinate? Yikes! Time to embrace my gifts with more fervor and be more joyful of my journey lessons for when time is no more, this little seed sown will be revealed.... WOW!!

Happy New Year!

treasure lost ...

So this guy from Canada is looking for a long lost love of 45 years ago in Melbourne, Australia. They got lost in each other over the matter of 3 hours. He made her promise to write him and she did but the letter got lost for 3 years, but he got it none the less. But he never returned the letter and got married and divorced to another girl ... yadda yadda. Now he has says that he only fell in love once not twice or 1 and a half, just once. Now is the time to fix old regrets.

Normally, I would fell for this sentimental sob story. Not this girl anymore. See I had an encounter that totally changed my life. Probably can't call it love but it was a real strong connection at the very least it was a friendship that had great potential. Well, the bloke off and left. Even though we really had something, I sorta knew that he would leave but it still caught me off guard. I had no regrets. I think we even talked about the passage of time and what it would bring. Well, sorry to say I am not one to wait till 45 years later to look him up. Why would I wait? Crazy notion. Why waste alllllll that time?

I could scream! Doesn't love fight to keep? Think love grows on trees? Think love will come back? Love is fragile like a petals on a rose. Love is rare. Why the games? Why the cloak and dagger? It burns me up.

It has been 5 years now and still counting. I am still here and reachable. I have the box of memories all in my head. I shoved them into the corner but sometimes they come back and torture me. The audios play out his inflections, thoughts, arches, and statements that went high on the end like a question. The voice gets me every time. It is a struggle to get myself back but I do. He has messed it up for every boy that comes after. Do I care? No. But I do.... because now I have the wounded heart and I caught it from him.

I used to side with Love. I had her back. I knew the potential and the power. Now it is a silly old daydream that is nice on a rainy day....

I wish the man well on his quest to locate his lost love but you don't loose what you treasure....

purpose of snow days...

I have a notion that winter and especially snow days are God's ways of saying, 'Hey, slow down and enjoy the beauty and warmth of family.' I got to have a blizzard when I was 10ish. It was seven days of going nowhere but digging out. We had a plastic red snow brick maker and we had a nice fort going on with the help of Mother Nature. I do remember that we as a family of four set out on foot to get to the local grocery store to get some food. It was nice to have everyone home and sheltered together. It was safe!

These days I when snows come, I hope for maybe having a blizzard again for seven days! Might not be such a good idea living alone or that much fun either. But I still think I could fill the days with things to keep occupied. When I still would want to have electricity and heat....!!!

So when I hear authorities saying, "Oh, we will have everything up and running by Monday." I just shake my head. Enjoy the time. Digging out is hard labor and let it shake up the fast pace out of control days. Slow it down and enjoy the creature comforts of home. But we are talking about Easterners who don't get the snow like we do here.... but even here there now is a rush to always get back to normal...

Ahhh, the good old days...!