butterflies in absence?

I have been going through the stories of the Bible looking for butterflies in absence. What does God really think about someone who pulls away from humanity? I know that no other fills me like the Presence of God. He never fails me. Yet even if you pull yourself from others for long periods of time even to find yourself, is God in that? Is He ok with that?

Adam was created alone in the garden. God was with him yet God created woman as a helpmate. Here lies my biggest proof that God created us human beings as relational.

Here is one for thought: Jesus in the Garden told his disciples to wait and pray for Him. He went off by Himself to wrestle in prayer with His Heavenly Father over the upcoming torture and death. It was something He had to do alone. Yet, He had asked His disciples to watch in prayer. Something that echos 'where two or three are gathered'. Instead of finding them praying, they had fallen asleep. How utterly alone He had to have felt even though the was Jesus. He came to earth to feel the pain ... to feel the aloneness ... to bear our burdens.

I just feel in the the very depths of my soul we are not to cut off all human contact! Jesus had with him a group to keep watch in prayer. Sure God is our truest Shield and Defender but we are designed to have a barbaric tribe! Who will pray for you if you banish yourself to your garden to wrestle with God?

I am just musing ... wondering ...

Like always balance is key. I must commune with God and with others.

pezzi: how long O Lord?

the Zone ...

I have been having great mental days headache free. I am happier and even keel. However, something isn't right. My stomach just doesn't feel right and I am gaining weight there. My food allergies are forcing me to eat extremely well but mentally my brain is saying eat, eat, eat! I have always wanted to eat well and I have read up on Dr. Perricone's Wrinkle Cure. I do believe he is right about inflammatory foods and how they cause disease. I have been gone back to his book to survive cutting out the old food and adding new ones. Something was missing and the research was on.

I found what I was missing. The Zone diet follows the concept of limiting the inflammatory foods or the high GI foods, but I gave me a formula so to speak to balance out my eating correctly. This is the hope I needed.

the basics
*Proteins should be eaten with every meal and snack.
*Protein should be no bigger than the size and thickness of your palm.
*Fiber rich veggies and fruit should be 2x the size of the protein.

I have been researching online, but Dr. Sears website keeps freezing my computer. I haven't gotten the book ... yet. I heard it is a hard read but I might just get it. No matter what I am armed with the right formula now .... and after a small adjustment or maybe the hope made my day feel and go better.

Dearest Husbandman,
I am back in a similiar place. I know this place. I have been here before. When I lost my job, I gave You the credit for taking me out of a place that was sucking my character dry. I couldn't take myself out of it, but You did. Here and now I am back.

I have always wanted to eat well. I have made small steps with the good habits like taking out the cake for breakfast and adding oatmeal. But You had other plans. The 36 food allergies I have has changed my life forever and quite drastically I might add! I have to give You the credit for making this huge change in my life. I know I could never have given up on chocolate all by myself. I know I have a problem of gobbling up a good thing. Now I have to savor more those small bites of pleasure.

Looking into the haze of the future, I think You ... no, I know You saved me from possible diabetes. I have a lot to teach my family ... not sure they will follow. They keep saying 'I couldn't do it'. Great Teacher, I invite Your patient and gentle ways in how I eat around my family that they might want to change too.

Again, Thank You for loving me soooo much to care and intervine in my life.
~always your little girl

mad chow: lemon bread flop

the wellspring picture ...

I work best with a picture. As I was listening to someone talk about inspiration, he mentioned something that triggered a picture for me. 'Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life' prov 4: 2-3 has been haunting me. Now I am armed with this picture:

My heart is a very deep and crystal smooth pool of water. It is my job to let no one, no thing, or no event distrub the stillness of this pool of water. No dirt or stones allowed whether it comes in the form of misconduct or anger. This picture is powerful mental tool to balance my life.

Indeed I am much happier and more content when all is peaceful and still in my heart.

lemon bread flop ...

I have a favorite simple recipe for lemon bread. It tastes so gooooooood. I tried to remake it tonight . Instead of sugar I used apple sauce and instead of the flour, ground up oatmeal and used some soy flour. I think I could have baked it alllllll night and it would still be uncooked in the center. Instead of the yummy lemony taste, I could taste salt! I did not put salt in the recipe! Well, good bye lemon bread! I will have to ask for it it in Heaven. At least I have a mean apple crisp I still can enjoy!!!!

mad chow: cc -> headaches

truest & deepest dimensions ...

Ernest Hemingway during WWI came very close to death. He felt that it set him apart from the rest of the human race for the remainder of his life. ... From this, Hemingway derived a formula for his novels: Put a good man into a situation where he comes face-to-face with death - ... . Then you will see him in his truest and deepest dimensions. You will find out just how good he really is. The trial will not make or break him, it will reveal him fr: chp 1 of ''Waiting'' by Ben Patterson

Wow, I really had to think about this and it can really make you sweat. What if you don't come through it well? What if you squealed in terror and cried all the way home? No, truly be honest here.... How often have I beat myself up for not handling something with grace? How often have I tried to empathized with another who is struggling and wonder how would I fare? I look at my waiting ... and I know I have very childlike behavior and questions ...

last snow?

The snow had begun the early evening before. Wet heavy flakes never stopped and I took my morning commute in a winter wonderland probably the last time for the season. The black trees wore the snow proudly like tree penguin suits! It would continue to snow the whole day and then when Mr Sun came out, snowflakes hide away. And I did I hear the weatherman right? End of the week warm up coming our way?

moment captured: 2 beloved labs

how long, O Lord?

No Hope breaks the heart.
Dearest Loving Husbandman,
I am rereading a book I read back in '91 on waiting. I understand the waiting and I know it is a necessary must for a journey. Really a journey is movement so waiting is not really standing still. Ps 27:14 "Wait on the Lord, be of Good Courage & He will streghten thine heart'' has been a comfort yet as I look at my life it has been entirely made up of waiting!

''Rejoice in the Hope of the Glory of God because we know that suffering produces tenacity; tenacity, character; and character, hope'' (Rom 5:2-4). I changed out perseverance with my favorite word tenacity. Which then pricks my heart. I feel that I am tenacious, very tenacious! Are You saying that I need more tenacity .. more standing firm ... more protecting my willspring? Yes, I do have work to do here. Am I to stay tenacious in waiting for my 'johny cash' to come back? Ok, I can do that but am I doing so in vain? Is he going to come back? Or will I behold his face in Heaven with sad eyes? One more thing ... about marriage ... my ideals of marriage have become so rich that pretty soon no human male will ever live up to such a wonderful gift and mirror of You. So are telling me that my journey will remain a single journey?

I know soooo many questions. What I know very deeply is that I am more in Love with You each day. I want to continue drawing closer to You. Looking full into Your Face, You are my Hope. My heart breaks but grows back stronger by Your Healing Hands. You are tenderly forging my tenacity, my charactor, and my hope with the fire of wait. How rich I am. How valued in Your eyes. Thank You for Your Nailed Pierced Hands. I may weep but You comfort me with each tear that falls. I love You!
~ always your little girl

provoked by the intro to "Waitng'' by Bob Patterson

layers: wait

Worship (verb)

... Declaring His Attributes
... Worth + ship -> giving worth, value (ship -> a union)
... Rom 12:1 Living Sacrifice = spiritual act of worhsip
... Communing with your Creator
... Surrendering to the Great Shephard, Keeper of Still Waters & a Table set before your enemies.
... Going to the StoreHouse & Tower of Refuge & inviting (opposed to telling) the Awesome God in all of your moments
... Declaring Gratitude
... Declaring Victory

*Above Mrs Billy Graham's kitchen sink is a sign that reads:
''Worship Services held here 3 times a day''

I must remember this as I tackle something hard like with road rage or work drama!

* The sermon just happened to be on Eph 5:22 & following verses. The extreme feminist squirmed in her seat over 'women submitting to their husbands'. Too many men had hurt her heart. There was no way she would submit. What caught her though as the sermon continued was 'men where to love and give their life for their wife as Jesus had given Himself to the church'.

She leaned over to her friend that had invited her and said, ''I would marry any man that would give his life for mine.''

Her friend softly said, ''There is such a Man. His name is Jesus.''

This extreme feminist did come and submit to this Man. true story

word sleuth: romance

cc: headaches!!!

cheif compliant: HEADACHES!
hx: The history of my headaches goes back sometime when I started living on my own only because I can remember making a decided decision to take Excedrin daily as a morning ritual. Something like 1997ish but who knows it could have been back in '93 when I slamed my '79 mustang in a tree. I had whiplash that I never had treated.

sx: The symtoms of my headaches would begin sometime in the morning and make me nauseous by noon without aid of my friend Excedrin. The Excedrin allowed me to live life upright and I could think! I tried to go without Excedrin last October over a weekend. Oh man, I was terrible to be around. Grouchy because all I could think about was excaping the pain. I can't do anything like painting or writing, or thinking (my favorite things) let alone taking care of work or home! When I decided to get some help, I went off Excedrin again and really paid attention to what was happening in my head.

Pressure began to build in my right eye and a pinching pain at the bridge of my nose. Dark moody emotions took over any mental thoughts. Eyes would blur and hot tears would be my night's companion. Eating something was always my way to settle the pain or the stomach. But the headache would remain. The nausia would be the ultimate 'I can't handle this anymore'.

rx: For tooooo many years Excedrin was my remedy. Knowing how aspirin can damage my stomach, I would always eat breakfast and pop the E-pill. I felt ashamed to admit it to the doctors, but so often it was ''you shouldn't do that' never 'oh, lets see where this is coming from'.

When a co-worker suggested a chiropractor, I didn't immediately go. I just kept it in the back of my mind. After trying to go without in October to see if the headache was there, I decided to call. Two months later I started on a journey and ended up headache free. The chiropractor did help me find out the cause of my headaches but not by cracking neck bones or back bones!

dx: So would you like to know the diagnosis? Well, after clearing up neck issues from whiplash and finding the headaches still there (3rd week), the chiropractor suggested to get a food allergy test done. I was like no way is it a food allergy. So after a couple more weeks, I had my food allergy test done in January and February 6th my life changed forever. I have 36 food allergies!

mad chow: 36 food allergies

36 food allergies ...

Testing Procedure:
During In Vitro testing, food extracts are mixed individually with patient plasma containing white blood cells, platelets, and red blood cells. The mixture of plasma and food extracts is then observed under a microscope fo toxic reactions. Damage or death of blood cells indicates a positive reaction to a specific food. In negative (non-toxic) reactions, the white blood cells, platelets, and red blood cells remain healthy.

Positive reactions are classified into the following three different levels based on the extent of damage to blood cells caused by a particular food allergen.

reaction level 1 = weak reaction
reaction level 2 = moderate reaction
reaction level 3 = strong reaction

Patient Preparation:
On the day before the test, eat no foods after dinner, drink only water and do not eat until after the test the next morning. Do not stop taking any prescribed medication. Reschedule your test if you develop a cold, flu, or other infectious disease prior to your appointment.

Test Results:
level 3 - strong reaction - worst offenders
clove
kidney bean
marjoram
sorbitol *
tobacco

level 2 - moderate reaction - worse offenders
allspice
almond
chicory
chili pepper
cocoa-chocolate {grrr}
ginger
horseradish
lettuce
molasses
mung bean
okra
orange roughy fish
pumpkin
rhubarb
rice
rosemary
rye
strawberry
sunflower
black tea {green or herbal tea is fine!?}

level 1 - weak reaction - bad offenders
beet
beet sugar
cane sugar
cola
english walnut
garden peppers (bell)
paprika
peppermint / spearmint
pomegranate
wheat
wheat bran

Interpretation of food allergy test:
Your test results show hypersensitive reactions to specific foods. This reaction is measured on a scale of 1 to 3 and it indicates damage or death of your blood cells during the esting procedure.

It is therefore recommended that you avoid all foods which have shown a positive reaction for a certain period of time.

Food intolerance and food hypersensitivity may be treated (cleared) by a sustained avoidance of the offending foods. It may take you little as 2 weeks or as long as 4 months of food avoidance to clear your food hypersensitivities.

You may wish to gradually reintroduce the reactive foods in your diet, one at a time. If no reaction it is possible to tolerate offending foods at a 4 day intervals but other reactive foods may be tolerated at longer eating intervals.

It is recommended that you perform a periodic follow up interlerance test after the successful reintroduction of offending foods.
fr: my food allergy test

My Interpretation:
Well, it is no sugar, no flour, and no chilli soup for me! That means no italian, mexican, or chinese resturants because there would be no way I could find something on the menu to eat! It has to be American Cuisine where I can make substitutions. When it comes to drinks, water and green or herbal tea or homemade lemon aid.

Oh no! Now I am going to have problems eating with extended family like my grandma who already points out that I don't eat enough. Now with refusing to eat dessert I can just hear her now. No need to explain it to her because she won't hear it and no, her hearing is just fine.

I have asked mom not to be offended if I choose not to go out to eat or not to be offended if I eat a semi-naked sandwich! My family has been ok with me. The big challenge will be for Ethen's birthday party. My one bro doesn't know yet and I don't want to make it a big scene at the party. I pretty much know what will be on the menu. I will eat ahead of time.

What I have done:
I went home and tore my kitchen apart. I took out allllll offending foods and restocked with safe foods. Why would I reintroduce offending foods? And how can I when I could run amuck on the weekends where I would have less control of knowing if they used tomato sauce without sugar or they didn't use a spice I can't have? The one food I want more than all else is chocolate. Yes, I have a bag of chocolate chips in my frig. But hey, much easier to control the amount then others. Yes, I have been a good girl.

Do you know that your peanut butter has sugar in it? Do you know that canned tomatos and spaghetti sauce has sugar it besides some that have peppers? Do you know all canned soups and powered mixes have flour in it? Even some peanuts are done up with sugar?! Even McDonald have fessed up to using wheat(flour) on or in their french fries! Come on! Potatoes I can have so I was at least excited by getting to have french fries. Oh, don't forget reading reading the herbal tea. What is chicory? I had to give up my raspberry and my chamomile tea because of chicory. Just wait until I find him ... he gone. (chicory is my new cuss word)

I am creative so I can do this. I am a label reader now. I did find peanut butter and unsalted peanuts without sugar. There are cans of tomatoes and spaghetti sauce without sugar or peppers among the offenders. Barley is the new rice. Grinding up oatmeal and adding soy flour has been my new flour. I made cookies sugarless and wheatless. Not bad but I won't share only because you would miss the sugar. I have a few favorite recipies that I am going to redo. Maybe I'll tell you about them when I attempt them. I am also going to make my own recipe book.

mad chow: nourishment or killer

¡boba!

Bubble Tea Locations

All I was trying to do was find a topioca pudding recipe for a serving of one and maybe figure out why my pudding was like water and not thick. No, I found something new! Bubble or Boba tea! It has tapioca in the tea and milk. I usually drink tea by itself ... just tea no sugar or milk let alone tapioca!!! I will be trying the Honeydew Green Bubble Tea I found on the boba site.

seeds of men ...

... said Gimli. ''It is ever so with the things that Men begin: there is a frost in Spring, or a blight in Summer, and they fail of their promise.''

"Yet seldom do they fail of their seed,'' said Legolas. ''And that will lie in the dust and rot to spring up again in times and places unlooked-for. The deeds of Men will outlast us, Gimli.''

Interesting that man fails sooooo often, yet in our attempts and failings seeds are left behind. Seeds of courage, grace, peace ... etc that will spring up again....

''We cannot achieve victory by arms, but by arms we can give the Ring-bearer his only chance, frail thought it be.''

''Other evils there are that may come; for Sauron is himself but a servant or emissary. Yet it is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succour of those years wherein we are set, uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have a clean earth to till. What weather they shall have is not ours to rule.''(Gandalf)

I see this in Iraq. We may never achieve the victory of taking out the Terror, but by arms we can give those who want freedom and peace a chance. In fact it isn't just limited to Iraq ... whatever evil is before us by spiritual warfare, we hold up the arms of Moses and give victory a chance.

I love that I found Tolkein's writings an insight to the darkness in the land.
quotes taken from the chapter "the Last Debate" from ''The Return of the King'' ~ Tolkein

Dearest King of kings,
All rulers must come into Your courts for the accounting of their leadership. As I watch how Saddom sits there with a smug face, my stomach curls. As I see Iraq on the edge of something good or something evil, I hold my breath.

However, I cannot see the undercurrent .. God-Current. I know the history and I know the future. Fear fades. Your Rule is just. I wait on You, expectant of Your Great Things.
~ always strengthen in waiting with eyes on You, your little girl

mountains moved ...

* Bob Pearson was at the crossroads of his life trying to determine what to do next in ministry. He tells of a dream where he is in water waist high. No real panic but when he views the horizon there is nothing but water. That is when his gut began to twist. Then behind him he heard water moving. He turned to look to see and behold it was Jesus walking in the water. Yes, in the water because Jesus always is in the midst of things even in our storms. Jesus said like He always had said, ''I know you want to see what is on your horizon, but you need to see Me on your horizon.'' Bob Pearson woke at 3:31AM with this verse "Walk by Faith not by sight.''

* Balanced Faith
Yes, faith too must function best with our intellect, our emotions, our physical being, and our will, or there will be engine failure. A total crash and burn ...

* Mountains Moved
Q: If faith of the mustard seed moves mountains, is Jesus talking about the smallness of faith or is He talking about the potency of faith!!!!???

In Matthew 17:14-23 tells of Jesus healing a boy with seizures. The disciples asked Jesus why they couldn't heal the boy. Jesus said, ''Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move ...' Nothing will be impossible for you.'' If you go back a few pages to the parable of the mustard seed (matt 13:32) you see how potent this small seed is: 'Thought it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches.' One mustard seed favors the whole pot of rice!
fr: today's sermon by Bob Pearson

Dear Mountain Mover,
You quicken my heart as the children in Africa said in my own language how alone they were. Aids have taken away their parents and have infected them. You have been teaching me as a single girl about the mother instincts you gave every female creation.

I just viewed and picked up a girl. I just spiritually adopted a girl to love and pray for. Thank you for bringing her to my life. You Moved a Mountain before I even could think about it ... my own heart. Now to Mountains Moved in this young girl's life... "... to hear the barbarian call, to form a barbarian tribe, and to unleash the barbarian revolt. Let the invasion begin ... '' (tBW).
~always your little girl

crash op: horizon international

of a man's hard work / olympic spirit ...

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. ~ Theodore Roosevelt (1912 speech at Sorbonne, Paris)

Joey Cheek, the American Flag bearer in the Closing Ceremonies for giving his award money for winning gold in speed skating ... to .... , showed his olympic spirit by keeping his pact with himself. Way to go Joey! I will remember your giving spirit and teamship ...

enbraceable you ...

I am not a hugger. Just wasn't something I needed ... in my growing up days. However, it has haunted me through out my existance. I sadly remember pulling away from my dad when I was a teenager. I don't like people in my space either. Argh! I jump or step back then I kick myself when I got myself alone. As my journey has mellowed me out ... well sort of!, I am more embraceable ... ! I hope!!!! =D

At church I have two wise women who would hug me instead of the usual shaking of hands. Inside my head I said, "Well now, from now on these two will never shake my hands again, only hugs from now on!" It was sort of a playful defiance that became a truly loving touch.

Don't think I am callous! I just wanted to hear how I was special to my parents or siblings. Hugs didn't satisfy and where sometimes awkward. Hugs where most inviting when I was extremely sad and hurt from the world. I remember a really rough trip away from home. I could not wait to return to the hugs from my Mom and Dad. Another time in college I had had it with my roommate. Only the hugs from Mom and Dad could give me strength to continue. So just the causal hug still seems foreign to me.....

However, these days I am employing hugs to reach out where I can't seem to connect where I would like. I love my Dad. I always look up to him. We fail each other because I don't like to have debates and he loves them. I just was feeling bit lost between us. This year subconsiously, I have been hugging Dad every time we are together. I just happened to realize my actions and now have made it a conscious one. I do think he started it ... but I am going to keep it up! If an enbrace can change the connection I have with my wise women, it can strengthen the connection I have with my dad with out the need to debate!

I do think my next step will be writing notes to Dad. While making my desk drawer a party to open everytime (cleaning and organizing), I happened to find a birthday note he had written to me back in my college days. I remember the cake, too! It was chocolate!!!!! I have a few of his notes tucked through out my house. What a beautiful embraceable way ... huggers and words!!!

XX Olympic Winter Games February 10-26, 2006

Torino: passion lives here



torino '06

opening ceremonies, Feb 10th
red, white, lots of white, white, oh, I said white!, humans making a pulsing heart, fire, lots of circles and spirals of fireworks, humans making alpine figure skiing, opera, fearie, fashion, alps dresses, humans making doves, huge olympic rings, the fire!, beautiful!!!!!!

winners
Flying Tomato lighthearted playful winner's spirit, the Chinese girl pair skater who fell and got up to finish her skate, Joey Cheek, Ted Ligety, Toby Dawson ... just watch each America on the podium as the athem is played ... their face turn to tears, to joy, and back.. their face is never still

Winter Olympics are never under the best of circumstances. Winter Olympians must fight against the slippery ice, snow, fog, and blinding snowfall. When they make it through the tough conditions, their adventure or win is sweeter. The best making their best in the worst of it makes the olympic spirit take fire.

it's nerves ...

She doesn't know how he thinks that there is anything more. She just wants to be nice nothing more. He is nice, too. What she does notice that she is nerveous and not giddy.

Outwardly it looks the same but inside she knows of a time and a person that felt right. Giddy yet a security was there. She wasn't afraid of the loving feelings inside.

This time the rocks are close and the glare of the Lighthouse blinds her...

a hand to hold onto ...

The health buzz of late is how the act of hand holding makes for a healthy couple and a healthy marriage. The neat twist that I heard on the radio was when this girl and her boyfriend start to fight, they hold hands. Much harder to fight that way she says. (Tucking that in my heart for laters!)

I know of someone whose love language is touch. Being from the word(pix) love language, I would often ask and take in what touch meant to that person. (I think we have all 5 love languages in us somewhere... some are just dormant or just plain o' shy!) So to those who needs words like me, listen to what hand holding says:

Holding Hands:
... says "I am glad you are right here in this moment. You are my choice and I am grateful that you choose me back. A soft womanly hand tucked in a weathered manly hand tells of pure acceptance of nature and nuture. Often only silence is hand holding's companion. No need for talk when a hand is holding a hand ... the touch says it all. I love you completely!"

thoughts on dance ...

Q: Why is dance coming back?

A: Everyone needs to embrace & be embraced.
A: The steps are cheap ... the joy priceless.
A: The energy comes from the center, up & out.

ROMANCE (verb)

... is a celebration of love between two
... a celebration of adventure & journey
... a celebration of a Warrior & a Beauty
... a celebration of God!

romantic:
idealistic, dreamy, impratical, loving, passionate, tender

opposite of:
mundame, dull, colorless, characterless, ordinary, commonplace

After some discovery here, my favorite word for romantic is color. What color do I want to splash upon my life and upon those I love? Would it be a deep blue or a soothing blue? Would it be a blushing deep red? or a royal rich purple? Isn't romance enjoyment and delight of the God-Gifts all around me? Isn't the gleam of my eye and curl of my smile purely celebrating the moment? I think so!

word sleuth: relationship

RELATIONSHIP (adj / noun)

*presence
*belief
*endurance
*attention
*trust
--------------------------------
= respect, worth, & value.

*** I bet my life on this: there will be an accounting of our relationships and our treatment of others.
***Your face should light up when your loved one walks into the room.
***A relationship is a place and a compliment...

word sleuth: love

who is missing ...

... = God's attendence!!!

*people today crave the gift of attention

*give what you have

*why don't we gush about God like we do about our children or our spouse?

*"For since the creation of the world God's Invisible Qualities - His Eternal Power and Divine Nature - have been clearly see, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.''
~ Romans 1:20

*Stop doing God's work and just pray for blessings. God let's it rain on the just and unjust. He is 'crazy like that. He will do anything to touch our lives whether through pain or joy.
fr: today's sermon

Dear Heavenly Father,
You created man so You wrote on the hearts of every man the message of His Eternal Power and Divine Nature. This gave me hope as I pray for two teenagers who have yet to let this seed awaken in their lives. To You who counts the empty chairs at Your Tabe, I know my heart aches. Yet, how much more Your hearts aches. I feel my attempts are soooo lame but I keep vigil. I don't know how long my heart will hold on, but You are my Hope. I will continue to pray for Your Blessing on them.

Thank You for this Encouragement to know the Message is written on the hearts of ones I care about yet I struggle with how to tell them about One so precious to me. I am on the edge here ... 'prayers of showers of blessings' ... Thank You for preparing this lesson for my heart ... my gift of attention ... I can do that....
~always your little girl

8* Below ...

''you will take risks for those you care about''
This movie was off the charts for me. It made me cry and it made me quite frustrated with how little we trust our God-Given guts and how little we really appreciate the furry creatures God has given us.

All eight dogs Mya, Max, Jack, ....... should receive Oscars! (wish I could remember all of their names!) It was two story lines intertwined. The dogs were of survival and of connection and the man learning to take risk for those he loved and if his dogs didn't make the months to return for them was earned for their place and love in his life.

note:
I couldn't help but notice that the blue in Max's eyes where the same blue in Jerry's (guide) eyes. The connection is real because they both had some learning to do. ''you will take risks for those you care about'' will you risk for those you love?

movie review: firewall

developing thy graces...

Shew me wherefore Thou contendest with me.
~ Job 10:2

Perhaps, O tried soul, the Lord is doing this to develop thy graces. There are some of thy graces which would never be discovered if it were not for thy trials. Dost thou not know that thy faith never looks so grand in summer weather as it does in winter? Love is too often like a glow-worm, showing but little light except it be in the midst of surrounding darkness. Hope itself is like a star -not to be seen in the sunshine of prosperity, and only to be discovered in the night of adversity. ...

It was but a little while ago that on thy knees thou wast saying, "Lord, I fear I have no faith: let me know that I have faith." Was not this really, though perhaps unconsciously, praying for trials?-for how canst thou know that thou hast faith until thy faith is exercised? Depend upon it, God often sends us trials that our graces may be discovered, and that we may be certified of their existence.

Besides, it is not merely discovery, real growth in grace is the result of sanctified trials. God often takes away our comforts and our privileges in order to make us better Christians. He trains His soldiers, not in tents of ease and luxury, but by turning them out and using them to forced marches and hard service. He makes them ford through streams, and swim through rivers, and climb mountains, and walk many a long mile with heavy knapsacks of sorrow on their backs.

Well, Christian, may not this account for the troubles through which thou art passing? Is not the Lord bringing out your graces, and making them grow? Is not this the reason why He is contending with you? ~ Spurgeon

Dear Heavenly Father,
Graces? Wow, it is sure painful to be full of grace and graceful in living out my life journey. Yes, I have always wanted to be more graceful so yes, I have asked for this pain in my life ... I so didn't know. As I am humbled by this pain, I know the birthing process brings forth the gift of beauty and grace. I too, step into Your Everlasting Arms, my Rock and let out my barbaric yelp ...' "Let not your heart be troubled. I will never leave you nor forsake you!" thus saith my Lord! '

I will wait on You, oh Lord and be encouraged by Your Preparing and Providing, and by Your Proof and Presence. Through the pain my heart strengthens and grows back bigger! Thank You for contending with little ol' me!!!
~ always Your little tried soulful girl
His Words: john 14:1 & heb 13:5

Swindoll: leaning

firewall ...

I would give this movie a 10 rating. Of late the movies have taken a different way so it is quite refreshing to be able to go to a purely classic adventure. Harrison Ford sure did not disappoint. Guys will love it, but the girls will too.

In short a male who is domesticated and has achievement in his business world is taken through the paces of idenity theft to steal money from the bank he protects with his family in the line of fire. You are on the edge of your seat though out the entire movie. You are rewarded as he the good guy protects and preserves his family while taking down the bad guys.

effects:
When the movie begins the sound is tunnel like. The visual is black and white photo shoots with lines like shreds of paper. I loved it. Great effect.

note:
I being a dog lover to the very core must tell you that the family dog does not get hurt in the movie. I had my concerns but they were unfounded.

movie review: Walk the Line

create what I want ...

* I want security, presence, freedom, teamwork, full acceptance, monster smiles, eye twinkle, encouragement ...

* I want to be inviting, trustworthy, valued, a free spirit, romantic, creative, captivating, loveable ...

Dearest Creator & Shephard,
I have been struggling and released I need to get back to my old lessons You so patiently taught me. I don't want to fall back in old ways. My footing is slipping and I need Your Rescue. I invite You to secure me again...

Great Shephard, I don't want fear to take hold so I turn back to You. I turn my eyes upon You. It is You that I want...
~always your little girl

layers: creating what we fear

LOVE: (verb)

--preparing, providing, proving, & PRESENCE

ie: God's Sacrifical Love that will not let you go. His Love preparing the way, providing your daily needs, and proving Himself every moment of every day and never leaving or forsaking you...!!!

What a powerful example of LOVE to live by!

word sleuth: prayerwalking

creating what we fear...

* say it like it is .. NO LIES
I thank God for bringing you into my life. I found someone who shared my faith and my backwardness. I think we both felt validated in the eyes of each other. I enjoyed you. I felt you pull me closer to God and it was the first time a male peer allowed my love of God spill out. Not that I did before, but the growth was overflowing. I miss those days. I miss your voice. I often wonder how your dreams are coming along. I do feel a lot about you, but I know for me absence is wrong. It gives off a bad message.

* self hatred makes you pull away - imbalance & fear seem more like it but these two can lead to self hatred...Pulling away to create balance isn't the way to go. I have been in holes where I didn't know how I was going to get out. A phone call from my brother or my mother has chased the blackness away. Getting tackled by my pupinators, gives me a giggle and I am better. No not cured but better. A way to get back to my journey.

* What are you afraid of? What you are afraid of, you turn around and create it!
This is a powerful statement to me! In fact it scared me! I have had strong feelings of your mistrust. No, it wasn't directed to me but to womanhood. I don't think you would truly admit that to me, but I could really feel it. You have pulled away. I sence you aren't coming back nor giving a reason for it. However, it cannot be denied that you pulled away. Whatever the real truth .. you turned around and created more imbalance..

I still truly care. I am still here. Come back. I never gave you reason to doubt that I would turn you away.

'in God we trust'

Can you believe it? Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin were born on the exact same day, February 12, 1809, but their lives had completely different effects. Lincoln is best known for freeing the slaves by issuing the Emancipation Proclamation, affirming that all men are equal. Darwin is best known for the theory of evolution, arguing that all men are not equal because some are more evolved. Darwin's theory has be used by atheists to explain away belief in God, whereas the last act of Congress signed by Lincoln, before he was shot, was to place the phrase "In God We Trust" on all our national coin.
fr: American Minute newsletter with Bill Federer, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com

Amazing how one life can change and pave a new and better way for others. We are created relational beings ... What an Amazing Creator! I bet Lincoln was so humbled and pained in his life that he didn't see how his life would impact America ... well, not until the Heavenly Father took him in His Everlasting Arms, opening the portal between Heaven and earth, and said "See how My Plan was working in you..."

for all the betters .. for all the worsts ...

for Better & for Worse
is not exclusive to just marriage. This is for all the journeys and adventures of life. This is for all the important people in your lives and even for those people you touch ever so slightly in this journey. This is for those dreams and those passions that are your spice and sweets in your life.

Have you taken stock of the betters and worsts in your journey? You might want to rid the pain but you probably wouldn't change the outcome. Have you taken stock of the betters and worsts in your relationships? You might want to change the person but you probably wounldn't change the richness of your own charactor as you found connection with each other. Have you taken stock in the betters and worsts in your dreams and passions? You might want to redo but you found new paths and better conquests.

absence is good-bye ...

If you aren't saying Hello, you are saying Good-bye.
Why would you leave a good thing? Aren't you worth more than taking yourself out of the picture? Isn't there something wrong about being out of balance? Shouldn't taking care of how you relate to others be in your best interest? What happens when you finally come back and the good thing is gone? Don't you ever think it was to be. You destroyed it by walking away ...

free speech ...

Give Respect. Earn Trust. ~k
It is sicking to see the world inflamed. Every human deserves respect even if their beliefs are a complete opposite of mine. If I provoke them, how will I ever get them to listen.

One of the highest morals in all the world is Give Respect. Earn Trust. It is the essence of love and peace. Back in the teaching days I was told I had to earn respect. My spirit bucked at the idea and I still hold to this day that respect is given ... it is trust that needs to be earned.

How will ever get the muslims to trust us now? It will take a long long time ...

a full cup ...

To have a good foundation in a relationship both people need to be full cups. If one is half full, the other will spend their time filling the other one up. Then who is left to fill the cup who empties out...
pieces of an overheard conversation

Dearest Beloved,
I never thought I would feel like the full cup. I am feeling a bit bewildered here. What happens when you believe sooooo strongly in the him and yet you have no clue what is going on with him because he has withheld himself from you? I am having huge doubts...

As I have come here to my space and let it all out to You and to myself, I have left a little trail to here. He can choose to find it. What will happen when he reads it or will he even come back to us? Will he see that I have tried to be gentle with him as it is his journey? Will he understand my raw and very candid emotions as this is my journey too?

Is this book a farse? Is the formula wrong? Am I holding onto something that will never be true for me? What is up with failed friendships in my life? What am I missing from this pattern?

I am grateful for feeling like a full cup still wanting more so that I can be overflowing. You have been so patient with me and my slow learning. Things that I don't have that I have dreamt about for my future, You kept in Your safe keeping as I needed other things first. I needed to set up my home for growing confidence. I needed all these years to develop joy and prayerkeeping. I am much more of who I was to be. Thank You.
~ always your little girl

carrying the mat ...

A man paralize from by inadiquate love from his childhood and from his journeys of adulthood was being carried by a woman, her mother, and her friend in prayer on a mat. The woman knows Jesus is in town and He call heal this paralyric heart.

They reach the crowded house. No one will let them enter. They climb their way up to the roof. They lay the mat down and set to work on tearing a hole. Their plan is to lower the man on the mat in front of the Healer. As the roof gave way the woman turned back to the mat, but the man was gone! Tears poured and heat engulfed her face. Then through her pain she hear the soft voice of Jesus. She looked into the deepest eyes ever and felt safe. His arms reached up and He beckoned her to come. She jumped...

Everlasting Arms surrounded her as she buried her face into His shoulder. He understood every tear she shed. ''My child, don't be ashamed for carrying the mat. This is an act where your faith will grow. You seek My Proof and I will Prove Myself over and over again to you. Just like the butterfly effect of Me telling the same Story over and over again in My Living Word, there is a butterfly effect in Proving Myself over and over to you every moment of every day. That is how Great My Love is for you. Go forth in deeper faith. Go find your paralyric man and keep bringing him back. One day he will allow himself to be lowered to Me. Even though he is My Child and his name is written in My Hands, he is still learning to trust real love. He doesn't know it in human form. Take My Love and keep adminstering this Love to him. Your heart is weak, yes I know, keep Prayer-Waiting. Keep watching Me Prove Myself to you; this is My Encouragement to you. Good Courage makes your heart grow strong...''
interacting w/ Luke 5:17-26
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
tidbit: Americans are the loneliest out of all other cultures. {!!!!!!!}

4 levels of connecting
*public
*social
*personal (to share & carry each others troubles & wounds `ie: james 5:16)
*intimate (naked truth & no shame `ie: gen 2:25)

image management = controling what other see of us
my personal interaction with today's sermon

boiling anger ...

On friday her workmate in the office she shared went to the boss and basically got her into trouble over a silly piece of job. Anger so violent boiled in her cheeks. She remained quiet but deep inside she vowed never to let this happen again... As that vow was being made her spirit pricked.

Later in the evening a quote came her way saying: ''We're never weaker than when we are angery.'' ~ dr phil She shot back, ''But this anger comes from being shamed and it was unjust! This is my work and I do it well. I can't give her it or I will have nothing to do. She doesn't work in teamwork rather she is combatent and dominant. I am my own person and I need my personality to be established away from hers. She isn't nice and I don't want that splashed onto me.''

After a night sleep she awoke to a plan to gentlely go to her boss and fight for her job. She whispered an invitation to her Creator for peace and gentleness in her words, time for her to speak with her boss in the morning, and for the ears of the boss to hear.

Realizing that her anger had disapated, she rejoices in the Hand of the Lord upon her nasty vow. He took away her desire to run and hide. She tasted His Peace when she invited His Plan.

my stresses ...

*defending myself to others
*explaining myself
*being laughed at
*noise
*lies / faking it
*being misrepresented / being misintrepreted
*lack of listening
*inattention
*trying to be heard

All I can do is move to what I can control which is live full bloom

the balanced life ...

... considers both physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. Not one should be more important than the others ... nor should one to the exclusion of the others.

pain a good gift?

... hmmm, an interesting question to ponder...

I have to say yes, pain is a good gift and of course a painful journey. It is the birthing canal into more of who you are suppose to be. I have found my pain to be milestones and epiphanies. Treasures that after the hurt I know that I am so changed I promise never to forget and revert back to the old me.

Truely painful to blossom but so worth it!

Heaven...

... is where all doubt fades away and all good gifts and God-Currents are exposed. No doubt. No fear. No disbelief.

... is an adventure and a discovery. The Mystery is unveiled and I get to see the Great Workings of the Almighty in my life as well as all of history. I will be an expectant learner soaking in all the details He used to show Himself to us. I will be able to see, nothing will be hidden. I will never tire of discovering Heaven. I will never get enough...

My God is an Awesome God!

gone?

She went back over her treasured emails from him in search of January 2002. She is taking stock of her connection with him to see how far they travelled and to see where they were back then. To her surprise {which she shouldn't have been since it was a pretty common occurance for his disappearances} there is a 9 month gap from Oct 16, 2001 to July 11, 2002! Sure he had a lot going on ... bringing his kids home...

Why was there sadness that she didn't know this man sooner? Why did she even bother to make steps to keep connected to him? Why did she feel compelled to get to know him and to bare witness to his dreams and to cheer him on? Why did she feel in her soul that there was much more here then a casual earthly connection? Why did she feel she needed to survive him? Why did she feel the desire to be in his presence? Why did she feel the need to prove that she was trustworthy and a Redeemed Eve? Why does she feel so haunted? What is up with not saying good bye?

{NO, please don't say good bye! Please get your act together! Please look into my eyes! Let it go! Come back here and face me like a man! You know in the deepest part of your soul that I will respect and honor your journey and your warriorship! Don't go with your mind here ... come to me with your heart and soul bare! Feel safe! I have continiously given you over to God. Yes, every day if not every moment because I just can't let it go... I am waiting on the Lord. I am trying every day to be of Good Courage... my heart is weak ... but He will strenthen my heart ... just like He will do for you!}

my prayer epiphany...

1) Declare His Attributes
...... His Storehouse is overflowing. He can't wait to bless His expectant child
2) Pray the Living Word
....... find a verse with a promise & pray through it
3) Claim the Victories
........ this gives you Good Courage, your belief & faith strengthen, gratitude bubbles forth

FYI:
Remember that when you request prayer for another, that it is their prayer, not your own, and should be respected. Updating the request is courtesy ... no not a requirement sence we have an Intercessor who translates our very moans to the Father. However, when you fail to update the request, you withhold Good Courage from the recipiant and from those praying. Prayer is an intimate journey with our Lord... don't hinder ....

Do you want a strong heart?

"Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage and He shall strengthen thine heart."
~ ps 27:14

Destiny Grace...

part I :
This past year I have come full circle in prayer. I never knew how intimate my talks with God would be! I believe we have to claim victory as part of prayer.

"Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage and He shall strengthen thine heart."
~ ps 27:14

I did not have the opportunity to pray for this young life, but I do get to rejoice in His Almighty Works...
Take heart and have good courage.....
rcd from email of a co-worker

I don't normally send stuff like this out, but this is such an amazing miracle that happened in my home church that I have to share it with others. When you get a chance please read and enjoy the awesome power of God and what prayer can do ! ~joew

Subject: Destiny Grace

Dear Sisters and Brothers,
In a real sense, every baby born is a miracle, and someone wiser than me has observed that every baby born is a sign that God has NOT given up on the world!

Yet, among such miracles and signs of God's love and grace, Destiny Grace's short life has offered especially potent evidence of the same.

Destiny's health was in crisis by the time she was born the afternoon of January 26. Her heart rate had been falling and as soon as she was born, the professionals at Elk General Hospital did all they could to get her breathing and her heart beating. To no avail, it seemed.

Word went out to family and church that Joe and Teresa had lost their baby girl and Bethany's prayer chain was started.

When Destiny's mother, Teresa, awoke from anesthesia a couple of hours later, (husband & father) Joe M was holding their baby girl and Teresa knew by the look on his face that something was wrong. Joe told Teresa that their baby was dead.

Teresa said she didn't believe it, that their baby wasn't dead. Joe gave her to Teresa to hold. Teresa says that she felt breath and a heartbeat. And then she heard a squeak. Still recovering from the anesthetic, Teresa gave their baby back to Joe and quickly, having overheard the conversation, a nurse came and took the baby from Joe.

But nobody else knew about that, yet. I got to the hospital to offer support and sympathy (between 6:30 and 7 p.m.), and waited and visited with the rest of Teresa's and Joe's family. About half an hour after I got there, Joe came into the room with the amazing news that their girl was breathing and had a steady heartbeat!

He invited Jessica, Zachary & Tyler to come and see their baby sister before she was transferred to SB Memorial Hospital for further tests and evaluation. Each of the children got a polaroid picture of
their little sister.

On Friday (27th), while Teresa was recuperating at Elk General, Joe and a sister-in-law who is a nurse went over to SB Memorial to see the baby. The baby girl has continued to breathe steadily and to have a regular heartbeat.

Today (28th), Teresa was released from the hospital and, of course, she was going with Joe from there to SB to see Destiny Grace (who, by the way, weighed 6 pounds, 3.9 ounces, and was 19.5 inches long). Today, Joe said that Destiny had had a couple of seizures, but that they seemed to have stopped. The doctors and specialists want to do some more tests to assess Destiny's physical and mental condition. There are some questions that just cannot yet be answered.

But whatever the future holds, we have been granted a glimpse of a power that is greater than death. We have been given reason to hope in the face of whatever may come.. An awesome power, an irrepressable force of life has brushed by and blessed our lives..

I hope that all of us will ponder this miraculous turn of events in our hearts. (Because many live all their lives without so close an experience with the power of God!) Let us thank God for His Awesome, Amazing, goodness at work in the life of the M family, and the Bethany Church family!

And I urge that we all continue to pray for the life and health of Destiny Grace, for Teresa and Joe and the rest of their family as they wait for test results and as they wait to bring Destiny home.

Thanks for your part in the caring and praying ministries of Bethany Church. Never doubt that your prayers can make a difference! The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective (James 5:16)

With appreciation,
Pastor Tim

part II :
January 31st Destiny Grace is now resting in the Everlasting Arms of God. Just because her time here on earth was very short and a fight, does not mean the mystery of Destiny Grace is finished. To fight the stack of whys, I see things visually...

The Heavenly Father was there with Destiny Grace as she made her entrance. He was there cheering her on as she fought to surface and breathe. He grabed her tightly to Himself as she slipped through that veil between earth and into eternity. It is a very serious reminder that life is a gift and it is fragile.

Earthly hearts are so weak yet as this small bundle of girl passed through our lives, the Heavenly Father is still here with us as our hearts break. He promised and He delivers.

'I the Eternal God is your Refuge and underneath are My Everlasting Arms. (deut 33:27) I am He who will substain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will hold you up and I will rescue you. (Isa 46:4) Wait on Me; be of Good Courage because I will strengthen your heart. (ps 27:14)'

In my own words Destiny means 'a path taken'. Grace can mean lovely or it can mean the pardon God has given us to take. {Swindol mentions that Grace is one sided ... a simple reminder that I can't do this life on my own. I must lean on Him}.

Our Heavenly Father designed life to be an adventure and a mystery that He unfolds. Even when huge voids rip into our faith, He is there holding me tightly unto Himself. What an awesome assurance to hear His heart beat for me...

'wounded beauty' ...

Shame enters in and makes its crippling home deep within our hearts. Shame is what makes us look away, so we avoid eye contact with strangers and friends. Shame is that feeling that haunts us, the sense that if someone really knew us, they would shake their heads in disgust and run away. Shame makes us feel, no, believe, that we do not measure up - not to the world's standards, the church's standards, or our own.

Word were said, painful words. Things done, awful things. And they shape us. Something inside of us shifted. We embraced the messages of our wounds. We accepted a twisted view of ourselves. And from that we chose a way of relating to our world. We made a vow never to be in that place again. We adopted strategies to protect ourselves from being hurt again. A woman who is living out of a broken, wounded heart is a woman who is living a self-protective life. She may not be aware of it, but it is true. It's our way of trying to "save ourselves."

The problem is our plan has nothing to do with God.
fr: ch 4 'Wounded' - "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldredge

The King is entralled by your beauty.
~ps 45:11

Dearest King,
I have vowed to never be exposed!!! He has ripped open the forever wound of mine. I hate abandonment! I know I have a choice to pack up and leave or to stay and bloom. I was searching for what to do.

Thank You for exposing my old ways and suggesting Your Plan for me ... which is beauty. I will bloom drawing from Your Spring that will NEVER run dry.
~ always your beautiful wildflower

'prayerwalking' ...

... means taking a walk to pray. Our minds often wonder but by taking a walk you line up your mind and your heart to commune with God.
fr: word of mouth about a book called "Prayer Walking"

I often prayerwalk as I go to work or doing the daily tasks around the house. Yes, it is very true that I often just want to hug God after chatter up a storm with Him.

word sleuth: 'hopium'

what makes her attractive?

*e³=excitement + enthusiam + exuberance
*positive action
*monster smiles
*keeping of dreams
*creating passion
*DELIGHTing & SAVORing!!!
*Joy
*gratitude
*affirmations
*appreciation
*contentment
*declaring His attributes
*claiming victory
*enjoying

'Be faithful in the small things
because it is in them
that your strength lies.'
~Mother Teresa

leaning ...

Fear not, for I Am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I Am your God.
I will strengthen you & help you;
I will uphold you with My Righteous Right Hand.
~ Isa 41:10

I will hold you up, God says. But as long as you lean on someone else, you can not lean on Me. As long as you lean on some other thing, you won't lean on Me. They become substitutes for Me, so that you aren't being upheld by My Hand.'

When you lean on another person or another thing, your focus is sideways, not vertical. Human crutches paralyze the walk of faith. fr: Bedside Blessings by Charles Swindoll

Dear Heavenly Father,
I think I should have a Master's degree on leaning by now. With each passing year I have walked alone with You, I begin to think maybe I have not totally learned how to lean? Looking back over Our steps together, I treasure all my personal indepth learnings and I would not trade them in for loniness in companionship.

Yet as my heart yearns for male companionship and his warrior love I need, I cannot seem to grasp why a teamship can't lean on You together. Marriage is a teamship. Like in hockey you have to depend on your fellow team members to be there as you pass the puck to them when you are in a jam. You also depend on them to block and take the heat off you when you're in trouble. You trust that they are working out. You trust they are comitted to the putting the puck in the goal. You believe they support you. Kinda sounds a lot like leaning....

In my future I am looking for a team member who will continuely point me towards You the Goal. It is a union of two people becoming one. Teams members with one Goal in mind ... always lean on God. Is there a companionship in my future where our union would reflect and lean on You? If not, I know I won't want so I keep leaning here and now in my singlehood. Leaning on You, I have Companionship.

Thank You for Your Everlasting-Arms. Thank You for believing in me. You are refining my heart and my inside beauty. I have had an one-on-one learning where if I had a teamship, I would have missed out on the blooming of me. I can say that the real me is showing and it was done with the gentle care of Your Masterful hands. I am full of gratitude. Yet, isn't the next step forward a union leaning on You? for a fullness and full circle of my character?
~ always your little girl

Spurgeon: bass & melody
distilled: solitude vs loniness

two wolves ...

A Native American grandfather talking to his young grandson. He tells the boy he has two wolves inside of him struggling with each other. The first is the wolf of peace, love and kindness. The other wolf is fear, greed and hatred.

"Which wolf will win, grandfather?" asks the young boy.

"Whichever one I feed," is the reply.

'hopium addict' ...

... one who looks on the bright side of life ... their bottom line is a happier and longer life!

word sleuth: desperado

she likes me ...

She likes my brain. She excepts me as is and it feels good. 'The thing I really like about her is that she regards me in better light than I regard myself ....sounds loco I suppose, but because she really likes what's in my head, I feel real. I mean I feel like I have some value to another....and I don't have to make it up in my head to feel OK.' We seem to be a lot alike so maybe that is why she seems so comfortable.

I have told her my record with women. Right now the women around me are in the 50-60 age range, so it is nice to be able to converse with someone my own age. 'I have lots of walls, especially with women, but it's something I want to open up to a special woman...... I want to open up to her because I see quality, and I have decided to make her special personally to me!'

She brought up the men and their caves. Should the female go into the cave? She made an apology for writing so much and I told her repeatedly to keep the writing up ... they are like birthday presents to me. 'I think she listens better than I do, and she probably gets more information off the page than I do......'
~fr: jan '03 emails

So true, I love your brain and I love your spirit. I love your dreams and I so want you to go for them. I like that we have this comfortable feeling between us. Sure we are alike but there is something Eternal about us. That is what keeps us. It was totally God who had our paths meet. People are one of two things that are Eternal, so our relationships are very important to keep. My connection with you runs deep and true and I keep in my top 10%. I know I will never find another like you. You are very cherished and I am rich because of you.

I have looked forward to being the 'woman' ... the Redeemed Eve. I feel your mistrust of females and rightly so. But I didn't want to be like the others. I wanted you to see the God-Reflection. But I can't seem to hold your attention for very long.....

I do soak up meaning. I am always watching for the nuanses and patterns of life. I see depth everywhere. I am always listening for God's Still Voice. I pour my thoughts out in the written form. Your strength is in the spoken. My vision is different yet useful for the wide and deep of things. I like sharing this part of me with you because you get me. It can give your voice strength as much as you have given to me. I have written .... but as time has laid out ... I have written too much.
You're gone...

pezzi: what's inside?

This is My Father's World ...

This is my Father’s world,
and to my listening ears
All nature sings,
and round me rings the music of the spheres.
This is my Father’s world: I rest me in the thought
Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
His Hand the wonders wrought.

This is my Father’s world,
the birds their carols raise,
The morning light, the lily white,
declare their Maker’s praise.
This is my Father’s world:
He shines in all that’s fair;
In the rustling grass I hear Him pass;
He speaks to me everywhere.

This is my Father’s world. O let me ne’er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the Ruler yet.
This is my Father’s world: the battle is not done:
Jesus Who died shall be satisfied,
And earth and Heav’n be one.
This is my Father’s world, dreaming, I see His face.
I open my eyes, and in glad surprise cry,
“The Lord is in this place.”
This is my Father’s world,
from the shining courts above,
The Beloved One, His Only Son,
Came—a pledge of deathless love.

This is my Father’s world,
should my heart be ever sad?
The Lord is King—let the heavens ring.
God reigns—let the earth be glad.
This is my Father’s world.
Now closer to Heaven bound,
For dear to God is the earth Christ trod.
No place but is Holy ground.

This is my Father’s world. I walk a desert lone.
In a bush ablaze to my wondering gaze
God makes His glory known.
This is my Father’s world, a wanderer I may roam
Whate’er my lot, it matters not,
My heart is still at home.
~maltbie babcock
(expression he used when starting a walk
"I'm going out to see My Father's World")

The heavens declare the Glory of God;
the skies proclaim the Work of His Hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display Knowledge.
There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.
~Psalm 19:1-3
''Where is God? Why is He so silent? I need to know ... I ask and I hear nothing? Am I wrong? God, why are You so silent?'' These where the questions I often asked until I read a book called Windows to the Soul by Ken Gire.

I was soooooo wrong. God is always speaking. I hear God in a moment where it stands still to me as the rest of the world spins by. I hear God in a movie, book, or painting where a slice of humanity has been poured out into something I can hang onto. I hear God in the dreams and struggles of people around me. I hear God it in a simple natural smell like citrus or a spice like cinnamon. I hear God in the beautiful landscape He creates for my enjoyment as I race to work every morning. I hear God in the simple plant growing in one of my pots. I can no longer say He is silent.

I watch Bob Ross every saturday morning. He is an oil painter with a soft voice as he teaches you how to paint. When Monday morning comes I am looking with painter's eyes to see how the Creator painted His world today, my heart bubbles with Joy as I see God in a whole new way.

Thank you, Lovely, for this verse. Like always you bring me the choicest of His Meaty Word. {sooo perfect} The last part ''...there is no speech or language where their voice is not heard...." struck me! When I visited London I remember most was the glorious golden winter sunset. I still carry it with me. God spoke to me in a different land and I understood it. Yes, I understand English. {wink}. But when you arrive in Columbia, the sunrises and the sunsets will still speak to you. You will hear God with no Spanish required. The people will still speak to you. You will hear God with no Spanish required. The food will speak to you through the prep and smells. You will hear God with no Spanish required. What an Awesome Creator!

This is my Father's World.... He speaks to me everywhere!

Bass & Melody ...

"The Lord hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad."
- Psalm 126:3

Some Christians are sadly prone to look on the dark side of everything, and to dwell more upon what they have gone through than upon what God has done for them. ...

It is true that we endure trials, but it is just as true that we are delivered out of them. It is true that we have our corruptions, and mournfully do we know this, but it is quite as true that we have an All-Sufficient Saviour, who overcomes these corruptions, and delivers us from their dominion.

" The deeper our troubles, the louder our thanks to God, who has led us through all, and preserved us until now. Our griefs cannot mar the melody of our Praise, we reckon them to be the Bass part of our life's song, "He hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad. " ~Spurgeon

Dearest Lord,
You are the Deep Strong Bass and the Gentle Moving Melody of my life. May I be a sweet, sweet sound in Your Ear.
~ your little girl

Spurgeon: His bank notes

excited by who I am! ...

Be excited by who you are!
dr phil
Via the radio I heard this was his first tip for dating. After a thought or two I figure this should be the first tip for life in general! After a few more thoughts I figure this is a solution to ''Don't Waste Pretty''. Sometimes you just don't know how to begin.

What makes you attractive? Savor and delight in that. It is one big circle. I am excited about painting and writing. That excitement makes me attractive. I am definitely not going to waste this Pretty on moping even if it was the last man on earth!!! Finally full circle, you are exciting to be around.

Yeah, easier to say in a heated moment .... but well worth the sweat and tears. I like myself. I didn't use to. I am even learning to be kind to myself. I used to beat myself up and every once in a while you can still see me mend a bruise or two. Sometimes I wonder when my full circle moment will come. In good times I see a beautiful reflection and I smile...

love a quote: achievement begins with belief!
don't waste pretty

2 beloved labs...

A sheriff was making his rounds in the rural country side when he noticed a light. He went into the corn field towards the beam. Being a chilly evening in winter, who would be out here with a light? It is a sure bet the sheriff's heart was beating faster and probably had his hand resting on his gun. No way .... no, it can't be! Here it was a lab holding a flashlight in his mouth. Beside him was another lab laying over an unconscious man in efforts to keep his master warm. Then the sheriff then noticed the diabetic wristband. These two labs saved their owner by their sacrificial love!
centerville, in, usa

Isn't it fascinating how our beloved pets have this gift of love for their master tucked inside their little furry spirit! Looking at my own beloved Bobby and Andy (sure they love their massages and tummy rubs), there is something of heaven in them... What an Awesome Creator to think us and wrap up these special furry gifts!

moment captured: totally foxy!

keeper of dreams...

'Achievement first begins with BELIEF'
my dearest friend,
I so believe in you and the man you dream to be. I see all of your dreams and I can't wait for them to unfold for you. I believe in your passions. No one .. not even the everyday work ... can hold you back but you. Stand tall!!! Fly!!!! I have listened with a tear in my heart. I am a dream keeper .... I've got yours and I send my KingdomMail to the Almighty often on your behalf. Believe the dreams you have whispered to me. I do!
~ always dream-keeping

my dearest girlfriend,
I am so excited for you. You dreamed a dream. You made your steps. Sure unbelief made his ugly visit every so often. You fought back hard. You are strong by the Everlasting Arms holding you up. You believed. Faith and trust is hard lessons, but our Teacher is Ever-Faithful and fully Trusted. I am a dream keeper.... I've got yours all laid out in my KingdomMail. Know you are well kepted!
~ always dream-keeping

love a quote: hands in His

totally foxy!!!

The morning greated me with a crispy chill in the air as I looked into the blue inky western sky. The fading full moon was dressed in a white shimmering sheet. His glimmer was peeking though the clumpy clouds.

Futher into my morning commute the dark slate clouds where expressive in their still movement against the pink blush of the sunless sunrise. With pure delight I whispered my gratitude to my Awesome Creator.

However, He wasn't done!!!! He topped it off with something like red lightening darting across the road into a broken down corn field .. destination the small patch of trees. I stared real hard through the half light. The coat was red. The tail bushy and about as long as the body. A small white tip on that tail. A small but very fast animal. Could it be? Haven't seen one in the wild ever! It had to be .. a fox!!!!

What a great love note!

moment captured: being with goats

real time vs casual time ...

It has been a long troublesome intrapersonal study of why I react the way I do to some relationships. Like why I am not a jokester or why it hurts when people say they are going to do this and then don't or why it breaks my confidence when some makes a joke on me or why I feel pushed and I come fighting back or why do I listen and get no listen in return ..... I have found a layer of learning:

real time:
* Every person's dreams and life journey is important enough to listen and support. Every comment and inflection is real. Every moment is real. There are boundaries to keep and respect. You can be playful but no playing jokes as they can damage their very soul. Life is a journey and those moments no matter how exciting or painful, should be cherished. Smiles and laughter comes from enjoyment and delight in companionship. Real time is a really deep relationship with another with no abandonment. Like in the movie 'Shall We Dance?', 'to have someone to bear witness to your life' journey .. to know your growth .. to know your beauty .. along every step .... is sooooo priceless!!!

casual time:
* not wrong just different than real time. Just another way of dealing with relationships. In fact we often have both kinds in our lives. Here the relationships are where we can pick up where we left off no matter how long it takes to get back to each other. Laughter is more a way to survive life. No need to be crushed with worry. (but what is really happening on the inside?) I really need to point out that all of our relationships should start out in casual time. Never go to fast!!!! A relationship needs to develop into real time on all four levels ... Are they physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually there for you? This is something I would teach my girls....

These are just thoughts sorted out in two piles so that I can deal better. I am deep. I experience moments with real time. I laugh. I delight. I am balanced. I am excited about my journey and growing is the mystery unfolding in me. I often struggle with how casual people are.... and I am learning ....

my1st layer b/t real and casual

what is really wrapped in a package?

Back in 2003 she sent us a Christmas package that arrived the same day we had gone to Sydney. I sent my son to the post office when we got back. In his phone call he said they only keep packages a week. I told her I was sorry but the package was on its way back to the States. However, my doubts started to kick in and I made two phone calls. The later one was a bit of silence then my son bursting in laughter. Ah yes, my son has a wild sence of humor.

After I opened the gift I poured out in an email how intricate her paint strokes and the beauty in her artwork. A whole year few by and emails, letters, and phone calls piled high along with my unrest with my work. Christmas 2004 package came. Getting the kids together at one time proved difficult. She finally asked in January about the package. I want on about the kids responses .... son rolled his eyes ... daughter asked if we where going to have Christmas tree next year for the ornaments....
fr: jan '03 & 04 emails

Yes, I remembered being introduced to his son's sence of humor. I went to bed with a sick feeling in stomach that night ... realizing my package was being sent back. However, all the butterflies where tranced by his email describing my artwork. I am always nerveous about others reaction and especially his. I glowed in his praise.

Christmas package 2004 was totally different. Even though it was more painted artwork, there was a very huge message behind it. I felt it was God leading me with a book and the ornaments I had painted. I was soooo anxious to get his response. I just knew he would get it.....

I waited and waited. Nothing..... I finally asked and was broken by the total miss....

pezzi: meat vs water

cash in His bank notes ...

"Do as Thou hast said."
- II Sam 7:25

God's Promises were never meant to be thrown aside as waste paper; He intended that they should be used. God's gold is not miser's money, but is minted to be traded with. Nothing pleases our Lord better than to see His Promises put in circulation; He loves to see His children bring them up to Him, and say, "Lord, do as Thou hast said."

We glorify God when we plead His Promises. Do you think that God will be any the poorer for giving you the riches He has romised? Do you dream that He will be any the less Holy for giving Holiness to you? Do you imagine He will be any the less Pure for washing you from your sins? ...

Our Heavenly Banker delights to cash His own notes.

Never let the promise rust. Draw the word of Promise out of its scabbard, and use it with Holy Violence. Think not that God will be troubled by your importunately reminding Him of His Promises.

He loves to hear the loud outcries of needy souls. It is His Delight to bestow favours. He is more ready to hear than you are to ask. ~ Spurgeon

Dearest Master Teacher,
I use to tatter my prayers to You. They often where angry tears and lashings. Not to long ago in my readings the author suggested that prayer should be Declaring Your Attributes. As I began to simply declare, I found a promise tucked within the scripture that I would use.

My spiritual journey has taken flight. I have found fellowship with my christian kinship even when time and space keep them from me physically. I have found a deeper inner peace with You. My faith grows deeper. I 'see' You more clearly... most precious riches to me.
~ your little student

Spurgeon: continue in prayer
cashing in: safe!

'safe' ...

"The name of the Lord is a Strong Tower;
the righteous run to it & are safe.
prov 18:10

My WatchTower,
I run to You ... High where their mean words cannot reach and cut. I run to You. My heart is safe from the unconscious stampede of bulls. A Strong Tower so Mightly and Secure that no one can break through and tear me apart. I run to You. Everlasting Arms hide me and I can shut out the noise. You wipe my tears of pain and frustration. No one sees me like You do. Like the empire making his call, You shout out safe and wave the Arms. Game over. She's safe!
~always running to You

being with goats ...

I have been watching this black and white cat socialize with a herd of goats on this farm I go by on my way to work. Goats are goats in herds and always trying to get to a higher place than the others. The cat is usually blending in by sitting near them. Its a game for me to pick out the cat because his coat blends in so well.

To my surprise today the cat was NOT sitting near them looking to the horizen. No, he was standing with another goat on a huge spool (their tall mountain) looking like he was one of them. Well, it sent my mind to wondering why the cat feels so at home with these goats.......

moment captured: pupinator kisses

balance of faith and state ...

Should politics and church be separated? Should we leave God out of our mental tasks? Should we keep the Almighty out of our laws? Who was the first LawMaker? Who giveth Wisdom? If you love God, can you really keep Him out of certain areas of your life? Should you even think you can keep Him in a corner? If you do so, are you really honoring God?

Aren't we to love God with all our body, mind, heart, and soul? Shouldn't our thought process be under God's guidance? Shouldn't we beseech (pray) God for Wisdom in all that we do? even our work and politics?

No matter how much America's founding fathers provisioned a separation between church and state, they could not separate God from their politics. Their true intent was to keep radicals from enslaving organized religion upon the peoples who yearned to be free. To be honest they found a balance of faith and state. Can we?

desperado ...

* meanings include: criminal, outlaw, gangster, bandit, villian, crook ...
* some words to the song:
''your prison is walking this world all alone''
''let somebody love you before its too late''
How often do we rob ourselves from healthy connections with people? How often to hold hostage ourselves from the very people who love us and support us .... unconditionally? How often do we wonder around hoodwinking our ownselfs ... telling lies and believing them? How often do we steal happiness because love has done us wrong in the past?

Love heals ... but you have to believe it ... and embrace it!

'Once you have experienced love, no matter what form, it leaves a huge imprint on your life'

{ to me that is priceless! }

hands in His ...

"God is going to reveal to us things He never revealed before if we put our hands in His." ~ George Washington Carver

love a quote: compassion is the stuff of life
Lovely's Light my path
Lovely's revelation...

a Mighty River ...

In this day and age churches are more focused in growing numbers. Mega-churches are to be desired. More flash and bang, more building, more loud noise...

I am a little person of quiet nature. I get a bit edgy when I hear growth in the way I do. I am getting shut out of church more and more. Church never has been kind to me through the ages. Yet, I continue.

As I was praying last night for today's service, I wasn't sure of the request that was made. So I kinda went on a tangent with God.

Dear Almighty,
I've been thinking about my attitude and what I would like church to be and trying to see what You are saying. I believe very strongly that church should be a river moving. Strong current of You flowing. You are the Living Water and coming to You, one never is thirsty. We as the body of the church should reflect this. Each person's dreams and purpose would be used. We wouldn't get caught up in numbers or our wants.

Thank You, Lord, for journeying with me as I struggle with church. Thank You for being my Living Water. May I reflect You...
always your little girl

'brain attack' ...

I attack your brain by taking away the blood source. Fatty deposits (atherosclerosis * ) can block blood's passage or a vessel can break or leak precious blood supply(aneurysm **), leaving your brain cells to die. Through this damage I cause you to loose functions, like speech, movement, and memory. I can strike small that you barely notice me leaving you weak for my bigger strike.

You better get to know me. I am the numbness or weakness that you feel in your face and limbs. I usually favor one side. I am the confusion in your brain and I am the troublemaker in your speech. I am the trip in your step. I am the dizzymaker and unbalance is my game. I can cause you a severe headache. I am the nausea and vomit is my aim. I am the drowsiness you feel. If you have high blood pressure or high cholesterol, I can befriend you easier.

I am a Stroke. If you don't want me to disrupt your life, you need to take care of yourself. Eat right, exercise, and find ways to manage your stess.

* Ischemic stroke, the most common type
** Hemorrhagic stroke

more info on stroke

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

1) Ask the individual to SMILE.

2) Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

3) Ask the person to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e. .. It is sunny out today)

If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

last note ...

It is human nature to seek out our loved ones last words, to know their thoughts and wishes before they passed to the other side. We feel lucky to have those parting words whether from a phone call from a doomed plane or a scribbled note tucked in the pocket of their clothes. If we don't have those last words, we seek for a journal or letters ... something for a token of their presence.

Why is it that we seek after the death for their parting words? Why aren't we seeking right now for their words? their dreams? their purpose for life? These days we have so many tangble ways to express ourselves.

I am a writer. This need has been there since I can remember. I have often thought maybe someone will find my writings a treasure. Often the fantasy was someone like me would stumble upon my work and devour it. Their imagination defying time and connecting with mine. Stuff of movies I say!

However, as I have discovered the new 'in-thing' or the 'it', blogging is my way to send out my 'message in the bottle'. Someone can discover it now! { in fact someone has } There are a precious few loved ones that I wish would read now, but time steals away their attention. My solace is that these words will remain here waiting ... maybe when they are seeking for my last words they will remember their way.

To honor the Sago miners and their families, leave your last words scattered around now. Your presence matters ...

Eternal two left on earth

meat vs water ...

I loved her meaty emails. I cannot not stand fluff or 'a-lemon-maringe-email' as I would often refer to the fluff. Her emails would provoke me into a 2-4hr email in response. With my life I often find it difficult to find the time to really focus in and send meaty emails back. I just could not keep up...
fr: jan '04 emails

{ Meat! I loved his emails ... the meaty ones ... and the playful ones. Yet, we all need water ... plain old boring water. You can survive longer on just water than food. I wanted water emails, too. Simple boring droplets of water ... letting me know you and your journey. Just keep the pipeline of communication open.... can't there be a negotiation? There is no meat left ... let alone water ... }

pezzi: 'teamship'

'teamship' ...

I loved our emails ... communicating back and forth. She actually listened to me which was a new experience. I often opened up to her. She never tossed me out on my ear. I gave her a compliment that no matter what, she was the type of friend that a year could go by without word and we would still be able pick up right where we had left off ...
fr: jan '04 emails

I have enough friends where I can miss out on their daily grind and come back in months, picking up where we had left off ... all good no doubt. Yet, I am a person way to deep for my own good. I am not the same person I was 3 years ago let alone yesturday. I am always growing and learning. I would love to be able to share this intimate journey with another without the leaving. I make no apologies.

I am not looking for total 24 hour communication. My definition: communication = 7% verbal + 93% non-verbal. Reality of this is 'teamship' ... sharing travel and supporting each other for the long haul. This does not allow for absolute absence.

It should be a compliment if I find you a treasure enough to want this teamship with you. All of my family and friends are highly valued and in my top 10% but it is lacking when all that is expected from it is causal connection. The richness and high life for me is a travel companion for the sharing of the ups and downs on this amazing adventure. Where is the aged companionship these days?

nourishment or killer ...

I keep you alive, strong, and healthy. My meats, vegatables, and fruits supply you with protein and vitamins. I nourish your blood that pumps through your being. I can give you means to be lean and active. I make you feel good and full. I have lots of variety from sweets, sours, salty, or spicy to keep you interested.

I can kill you slowly. Too much of me in one area can undermine the life you lead. I can take your eyesight or your legs if you cannot control my sugar attacks to your body. I can cause you pain. I can cause allergic reactions and zap you dead in an instant or I can slowly torture you with an extreme headache. I can cause your stomach to eat itself or rip through your bowels like a roaring fire. If you don't get me at certain times, I can make you mentally crazy or weaken you til you pass out.

I am food. I keep you alive or I can kill you. You must take control ... it is a life long battle...

expectant attraction...

As she gazes deeply in the mirror of her soul, a question comes. What would be attractive? An 'expectant excitement' ... it describes one being passionate. There is a glow and a sparkle in the eye. Anyone would want to be close this electric energy. Pure beauty ...

waiting w/ good courage...

''Wait on the Lord;
be of good courage & He will strengthen thine heart.''
~ ps 27:14
* * * * * * * * * * * *Dear Heavenly Father,
You mean it? You will strengthen my heart? I surely will test You on this... but I have and I continue to wait for word of a mother's earthly life... Did she make it? Did she get to celebrate Christmas and make plans for the New Year with her family? Is he alright? Is he selling melons again this year? Did You Taketh Away?

My heart goes out to the coal minors' families that are waiting on word of their loved ones caught underground from an explosion. They wait and wait... Faces devoid of emotion... Eyes always searching... Hearts pounding in ache... waiting for word... It certainly takes a strong heart!

'Be of good courage' ... (bravery, faithfulness, daring) ... good courage means to me 'mustering up strength .. unafraid... Best way for me to do that is 'look full in Your Wonderful Face and the things of earth will fade away...' I feel soooo weak and weary ...

I am tucking this Living Word in my heart. I am testing You and being of good courage... ahh, waiting too! I long for a strong heart.
~always your little girl

to wait
my Anchor holds

he asks what if...

What if she was a Gift to me? And life consumed me so much that I missed out on companionship for my journey? What if she was Trust clothe in a womanly skin? And I threw it away because all I knew was the lies, abuse, and baggage that all the women in my life caused me? What if she was Love? And I deranged it by walking away? Would that Love come back and Love me again? What if she was my Soulmate? And I hushed her faithful spirit? Would anyone believe in my dreams and my life purpose? What if she was what I Needed? And I refused to be filled? Am I to walk forever empty?

What if I told myself lies like love and marriage would never again grace my home? What if that very love and marriage was what would heal me? Would she have me back? Would she let me try to disentangle myself from my life..... or would she be the one to rescue me from my own entanglement?

How about I give up what is not working and humble myself? How about I be strong enough, manly enough to give up my foolish pride? How about I ask her back? Think she would have me back? She really did have my back.... How could I have let her go?

happy new year ~ 2006 ~ ...

I dosed off right when the ball dropped. I wasn't feeling good physically nor emotionally. After having our early deep freeze and beautiful snow, we had two weeks of grey upon grey days with the sky crying. So when today began with a golden blush, I had a happy sigh!!!

With every ending there is a beginning. Beginnings are what we create them to be. We can be excited or anxious, hopeful or down. I can only choose excited and hopeful. Enough with the old, I want new. I want ... ahhh Peace!

For this year's theme I have choosen Beauty. I am inviting lessons on living my singlehood with lots of confident Beauty that blooms inside out. God, I am inviting You to impact my life with Your Beauty. I have already done some traveling down this path, but with loss I want a new and brighter beginning. ~ always your little girl

"Continue in prayer."- Col 4:2

It is the breath, the watchword, the comfort, the strength, the honour of a Christian. If thou be a child of God, thou wilt seek thy Father's face, and live in thy Father's love. Pray that this year thou mayst be holy, humble, zealous, and patient; have closer communion with Christ, and enter oftener into the banqueting-house of his love.

Pray that thou mayst be an example and a blessing unto others, and that thou mayst live more to the glory of thy Master. The motto for this year must be, "Continue in prayer. " ~ Spurgeon

Spurgeon: ''I will strengthen thee''