what is anger? what is depression?

Depression is like taking out your soul. The value of your self-worth is nothing. Ask what is out of your control and there you find sources of this grey feeling. You are backed into a corner with no way out and in creeps anger. What is anger? ... being shamed. You never have measured up. You never seem to have enough to cover your needs.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
my Dearest Strong Tower,
Anger was my bedfellow today and I messed up. I am beginning to notice a cycle of where there are days where I just cannot handle too much social stimuli. I am thinking that I need a new stredegy for tomorrow so I can live up to the name You have called me {joyful one}.

I want to walk in Your Light and not run. I want to be quiet and I do not think that is wrong. May my voice be full of Your Kindness. May my smile reflect Your Light. Lord, shield me with Your EverLasting Arms and may their laughter at me fall away.

You are my Safe Place. I can be the real me in Your Presence. You are my Home. You never laugh at me. You call be Beautiful and I blush with healing in my wounds. You still my rage and remove my shame. You get me because You know me intimately as You have created me and filled my heart with dreams. You have given a purpose for my life here on earth. I sing and skip with an abundance of joy bursting in my heart. I am blessed.
~ weary but always yours

Mystery of God...

"My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart & united in Love,
so that they may have the full Riches of Complete Understanding,
in order that they may know the Mystery of God, namely Christ,
in who are hidden all the Treasures of Wisdom & Knowledge."
col 3:2-3 (col 4:3)
* * * * * * * *
Dearest God - my Treasure,
I love the word Mystery. Most people beat themselves up over trying to figure it out, rather You just want us to enjoy the unfolding of Your Wisdom & Knowledge. My thoughts are humble and weak. I am encourage to know You are my Storehouse. You layer my learning in just the right amounts so that I am not overwhelmed or dull out. Thank YOU!
~ always your sheep

game vs journey

played or traveled?
alone or team?
use or learn?

What does life look like to you?

fire vs snowflake

"Maybe he is responding to you the only way he understands. Maybe the other woman relationships like his mother, sisters, etc are like fires and you are just a snowflake. He responds back with fire melting you away. He doesn't see the beauty of the intricate and simple snowflake. Maybe he thinks you demand just like all the others. Maybe he doesn't know how to let a snowflake change him."

a believer's heritage...

... is an inheritance of eternal life, a legacy of risk, a tradition of peace and compassion, a birthright of love, and a custom of trust.

long distance relationships ...

Can they work? A couple of expletives just might give you a precise answer. However, {takes calming breath} LDRs are not for the faint of heart. One must totally understand the anatomy of this kind of give and take.

A LDR is an in depth look at yourself and giving from your heart the honest truth to another who happens to be miles away physically but connected very closely and intimately. It is getting to the mental, emotional, and the spiritual connections. It is about endurance and tenacity. You must be trustworthy and trustgiving. It is so intense that you must be ready or you will fade. It takes work just like any other relationship but it does deeper and results in a sturdy teamwork. Shouldn't all relationships be tested with distance to see how REAL it is? To get the picture of its LONGEVITY?

"Miles mean nothing when you are in love,
& love means everything when you are miles apart."

"Absence diminishes mediocre passions & increases great ones, as the winds extinguishes candles & fan fires."
~ franois la rochefoucauld

"Absence sharpens love. Presence strengthens it." ~ benny franks

thanksgiving thoughts...

1. Voicing your thanksgiving...
"It's good to Praise the Lord
& make music to Your Name, O Most High,
to proclaim Your Love in the morning
& Your Faithfulness at night..."
ps 92:1

"Every Good & Perfect Gift is from Above,
coming down from the Father of the Heavenly Lights,
who does not change like shifting shadows."
james 1-17
2. Living your thanksgiving ... abundantly...
"...just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord,
continue to live in Him, rooted and built upon Him,
strengthened in the Faith as you were taught,
& overflowing with thankfulness.
col2:6
3. Trust { TASTE } !!!!
"O Taste & see that the Lord is Good!
Blessed is the man who trusts
& takes Refuge in Him."
Ps 34:8
4. It is about what we HAVE, not what we don't ...
"Therefore, since we are receiving a Kingdom that cannot be shaken,
let us be thankful,
& so worship God acceptably with reverence & awe,
for our God is a Consuming Fire."
heb 12:28
5. "unseen"
"Therefore we do not lose heart.
Though outwardly we are wasting away,
yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
For our Light & momentary troubles
are achieving for us Eternal Glory
that far outweighs them all.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen.
For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is Eternal.
II cor 4:16-18
fr: sunday 11.27.05 sermon

Winter rainbow!

Driving to grandma's house though the winter wonderland this Thanksgiving day, I noticed the sky closest to the horizon was a wash in thick layers of rainbow colors. The sky was laden with clouds but in the thin spots the sun shone through golden and caught the snow crystals reflecting down a God-Promise ... thank You, Almighty Creator of Beauty...

moments captured: pretty in white

thank offering sacrifice...

"Consider this, you who forget God,
or I will tear you to pieces, with none to rescue;
he who sacrifices thank offerings honers Me,
and he prepars the way
so that I may show him the Salvation of God."
~ ps 50:22-23

Dear Almighty God,
I had made way for gratefulness in my life yet my life still seemed stuck in murkiness. It wasn't until You shocked my life back to the adventure You intended it to be, that I understood Joy. Joy doesn't come in the easy days but the days that are rocky and quite scary.

I saw Your Word here and questioned why thanksgiving would be a sacrifice!?! Sacrifice means offer up of life and treasure; surrender for a purpose. In my humble words sacrifice is a hard thing to do. Why would thanksgiving be hard? shouldn't it be easy? Then I looked back over my journey past.

It is easy to thank You for all the good things that happen in my life everyday, but it is the more difficult to thank You for those painful things You have given me. You have given me a life of singlehood when I would much rather be passionately head over heals in a loving relationship with a soulmate. This is a hard thing to say thank You for...

I dearly love to use shocking words or words that might not match up with the topic. You did it here .. ''I will tear you to pieces'' ... wow!¡ You have me listening. You brought Joy into my life by taking away my means of putting bread on the table. I would not trade this enriching life-lesson. You rescued my murky and dark life then so I look forward ...

I prepare the way by offering thanks for this single adventure. I look to You now as I give up my desire for couplehood and relish the Salvation Love only You can provide.

As I move forward on my adventure I will look at all the hard parts of my life in a way of offering sacrifice, expectant of Your Rescue.
~ your grateful girl

thanksgiving from a gratefulllll heart '05 ...

Looking at family traditions i believe they're really important in strengthening the family, bringing families together. It's like having 'in' jokes among friends or family and these join and unite people together (hopefully in a positive sense). The same is perhaps true with God... He wants us to have special family traditions/rituals, things that are unique to our Family, things that draw us together... ~ Lovely

my blogs - have quieted my restless heart and allowed a deeper walk and a deeper peace with my Lord, Breena & Kent- their lives hung in the balance between earth and Heaven, but God allowed them more life here, the Rock of Ages - He is the same yesturday, today, & tomorrow, Lovely - meeting a fellow traveler who is lovely and captiviting {{Thank You, Heavenly Father}}, Aug Family Night - our family got to know each others dreams in a deeper way ... God was felt, my family - they are my circle, my pupinators!!! - they are love unconditional and they make my day, Ger & Di - They saw the Great I AM provided a job right when their money was not going to cover the bills, ...

Walk the Line ...

I was anxious to see this movie for the love story between June and Johnny. I wanted to see how a woman could be strong enough for herself and for a man bent on destroying himself. I rate this a movie as a 10 ...

characters:
Joaquin Phoniex so engrossed himself into Johnny's character that his side curl of his mouth and his eyes were as though he had become Mr. Cash. If you chosed your eyes, you almost could swear that you were listening to Johnny.

Reese Witherspoon captured June's spirit. The fight that takes to still have others respect you and yet hold out your hand to help another who is lost.

dreams:
I am a dreamer and I believe in affirming the dream and purpose in others. My spirit was a shout'en! I was very hot with anger at Johnny's father. ''The wrong son died'' ... how dare you kill a young child's dream and purpose. Those words haunted Johnny but his dream to be a country singer kept tugging at his heart. It was his first love and one that would carry him through his life, but he always was battling his demons.

belief:
You cannot believe in yourself without a trust that God believes in you. God creates your being and has tucked in your heart dreams and a purpose for your life. You fail yourself, others, and ultimately your God when you have no belief.

Everything falls apart in Johnny's life, but tucked in Johnny's heart was the love of singing. He kept failing his purpose, but God in His Infinate Wisdom sent a human named June to bring belief and faith into a walking dead man. As June along with her father and mother stood their ground protecting Johnny from falling back into the drugs, Johnny began to sober up and realized the strength in belief that God created him and his dreams and had a purpose for his life.

Dear Creator,
Thank You for affirming the dream in me. I know of one in particular who I cry out for over and over to You. I believe in his dreams and his purpose .... Ahhh, You are my Source, my Storehouse of Strength and Wisdom, and You are my Joy. You are my Source of Endurance and Tenacity .... I thought I had an unending supply, but my own has run out. Yours is an Ever-Constant. Thank You for my own dreams and the dreams of those around me. I cherish ....
~ always your little lamb

a movie review: dreamer

pretty in white...

After getting past the black ice at two different intersections, I took in the beauty of the first snow of the season. The Master Creator filled in the fresh canvas with a haze of white. In the east He put a round window of a haze of yellow where Mr. Sun was trying to crash through. The naked trees stood dress in black swaying with the tune of the Wind... As I soaked in this vision, I wonder if I can catch this moment in my apprenticeship of paint....

moment captured: first star

"Treasuring is an Attitude...

"... we carry in our hearts, a conviction we hold deep down inside. It's one big decision that plays itself out in 10,000 little decisions every day of our lives."
~ "It Takes Two to Tango" by Gary & Norma Smalley

the battle over our hearts ...

"The Lord's portion is His people."
- Deut 32:9

Do we not remember that glorious hour when He carried our hearts by storm? When He placed His Cross against the wall, and scaled our ramparts, planting on our strongholds the blood-red flag of His Omnipotent Mercy? Yes, we are, indeed, the conquered captives of His Omnipotent Love. Thus chosen, purchased, and subdued, the rights of our Divine Possessor are inalienable: we rejoice that we never can be our own; and we desire, day by day, to do His Will, and to show forth His Glory. ~ Spurgeon

Dearest Divine Possessor,
I am so glad that I am Your portion. You choose little ol' me! I love the part where You took my heart by storm with Your Everlasting Arms! If You hadn't come for me, I would still be out in those violent waves beaten and sucked under to the utter depths of the sea! My heart and soul sing of delight of You. You are all I need .... what a respondsability to be needed.....
~ always Your treasured potion

Spurgeon: tried faith

God's day...

All life systems are measured by / \ / \ / \. There is a time for work and a time for play, a time to inhale and a time to exhale. The rhythem of life is busy - rest - busy - rest not just busy, busy, busy.

Our outrageously busy life kills our soul that seeks rest. Remember the Lord who rescued you from enslavement.
~ fr: today's sermon

I'm going to carve out a better sabbath for God. It is my delight and savor day.

Isa 58:13-14

NEED

A woman has this feeling of need that seems to be always lurking in her world. She feels the need to be beautiful or she will be discarded. She feels the need to be protected or the wicked and sly will leave her raped and violated. She feels the need to connect and matter or her mind, heart, and soul will shivel up. She feels the need to matter or she will die of inattention.

This earth says she is too needy so she keeps hiding all her yearnings. Her tears in the darkness are her food and drink. She runs Home to her Maker and Husband (Isa 54:5). His Everlasting Arms welcome her. He whispers, "I AM ALL you NEED."

A man does not feel need because he does not want to feel less of a man. He conquers and takes over his place of profession or he is less of a man. He conquers and takes women or he is less than a man. He conquers and takes over church or he has to admit there is a God. He conquers and takes over the remote for excape or he is less than a man.

This earth says he must have many conquests so he keeps on taking. His inadequacy in the darkness is his food and drink. He must give in to his ultimate need and run Home to the Warrior King of kings and the Great Shephard. His Everlasting Arms are Mighty and Strenth-Giving. He is Patient and waits for men to relinquish the fight. He whispers,
"Come and lay down all your weapons. I AM ALL you NEED."

Dearest Creator,
It is so far from my feeble understanding why there is so much distance between women and men. You created this need in both yet we fight and withhold our yearnings from each other. I kinda think you want us to come together here not for each of us to be the total need-filler but rather to come together and come to You, the StoreHouse and Great Provider.

I think that this need for each other teaches us our great need for You. This should not repel but bring together... I know You will show me Your Wisdom. Thank You for being so Constant in my life.
~ always your little lamb

curious...

"Are you curious?" he asked. The phone call was winding down. He liked to pop a wild question and leave. It was a way to test the waters.

"What do you mean?" She heart started to beat in double time. She kind of knew what the question was about. She did not want to betray her heart. He never promised a thing and she was not about to fall for casual.

"You know, aren't you curious about where this thing we have might take us?" He probably could feel the space arching with her wild thoughts.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
She had floundered her way though with some response. It was something about no matter what happens that they had an eternal connection. They were both believers. She had wanted to make sure he knew that she depended on a God who could make the impossible possible.

Her answer now would be more sure. She is sure of her capacity to love. She believes that marriage is a reflection of God. She believes in the teamwork. She is tenacious and very passionate. She loves to come along side. She is super sure of God's Mystery alive and working in her life. She dwells in possibility and curiosity is a part of that. She is exciting by the unfolding. She doesn't want to pull the petals rather she wants to enjoy the bloom.

What she is sure of about him is that he can talk her language without belittling or making fun. She loves his mind and his thoughts. She loves his heart and his dreams. She loves his soul and his faith. She loves his playfulness. However she also knows he disappears over and over again.... she is not curious about that.

cave vs. disappearance

All she knows about men is that they send a lot of time away in their 'caves'. It was told to her never to mess with a bear in his cave or you will get hurt. It has always been a mystery. Maybe if she could understand from a guy's point of view, she could leave bears in caves alone.

He had been in his cave and now he was out. She got up the nerve to ask and was presently surprised to hear his reply. "You will only get hurt if you demand from the bear. You have to support the bear in his own language. What is his love language? Support him in that. I was at my wits end and I sunk down on the stairs and wept. What touched me was my daughter giving me a side hug to herself. She did not say anything. That was support that I needed," he said. His words gave her hope.

Today the hope has died. She is not sure about the cave thing anymore. It doesn't seem to fit the continual absence. How can she understand when everytime the bear slips away in the cave it is for extreme amounts of time? She ran into the cave.

Darkness enveloped her. Echoes of her footsteps felt like crashes of waves upon her. Her own heart beat deafened her scences. The bear was not here. So she went in deeper and she became emptier. Then she saw the glaring light ...

... a back door! It is not the cave ... rather bears disappear.

genia pig...

"Would you mind if I used you as a genia pig?" he asked. He is a bit of a scientist always coming up with theories and then testing them. This time he was testing the middle stuff between a man and a woman. What makes the relationship between these two sexes?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Beware of being the genia pig. It is an empty contract. No promises are made and a lot of hurt happens. You become vested in this experiment. You signed on because in the deepest part of your soul, you knew you were strong and could handle what might come your way. Your prayers were requests to keep centered on being what God designed your womanhood to be. You always reigned in your mind and your walk from pursuing. You self talked your way through the potential hurt.

Being the genia pig you rely on the give and take of the experimenter. When he disappears so does the stuff that makes the relationship. All you will know is what breaks you ...

tried Faith...

"The trial of your faith."
- 1 Peter 1:7

Faith untried may be true faith, but it is sure to be little faith, and it is likely to remain dwarfish so long as it is without trials. Faith never prospers so well as when all things are against her: tempests are her trainers, and lightnings are her illuminators. When a calm reigns on the sea, spread the sails as you will, the ship moves not to its harbour; for on a slumbering ocean the keel sleeps too.

Let the winds rush howling forth, and let the waters lift up themselves, then, though the vessel may rock, and her deck may be washed with waves, and her mast may creak under the pressure of the full and swelling sail, it is then that she makes headway towards her desired haven. No flowers wear so lovely a blue as those which grow at the foot of the frozen glacier; no stars gleam so brightly as those which glisten in the polar sky; no water tastes so sweet as that which springs amid the desert sand; and no faith is so precious as that which lives and triumphs in adversity. Tried faith brings experience.

You could not have believed your own weakness had you not been compelled to pass through the rivers; and you would never have known God's strength had you not been supported amid the water-floods. Faith increases in solidity, assurance, and intensity, the more it is exercised with tribulation. Faith is precious, and its trial is precious too.

Let not this, however, discourage those who are young in faith. You will have trials enough without seeking them: the full portion will be measured out to you in due season. Meanwhile, if you cannot yet claim the result of long experience, thank God for what grace you have; praise Him for that degree of Holy Confidence whereunto you have attained: walk according to that rule, and you shall yet have more and more of the blessing of God, till your faith shall remove mountains and conquer impossibilities. ~ Spurgeon

" O Taste & see that the Lord is Good! Blessed is the man who trusts and takes refuge in HIM." Ps 34:8

Spurgeon: my home

a picture of Joy...

Joy is a buoyancy that holds your mind, your heart, your soul, and your whole being above the wild and violent waters. That is why Joy is strength.

''the Joy of the Lord is Strenth.''
~neh 8:10

manners...

"Oh, I just don't have time to read or respond your writings." These are words she has heard from more than one person. People in her inner circle. People she has valued. Allowing these people to read her most private thoughts and journey is a compliment of the highest order. Now feelings of worthless stir in her heart.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Manners in the simplest of terms is giving worth and respect to your fellow human. I never had rigid training in thank you notes when I was a young'en. When I thought about it was a struggle to come up with something. The words thank you just did not seem enough. I wanted more words. I wanted an elegant thank you so the receiver felt moved.

Now that I have a few years under my belt, I have a better understanding the value of a simple note. You must slow down and forget the ticking of the clock. Read, lean in, and listen to the words and respond even if it is one little thing. Maybe it connects to something in your own journey and you can share. Give a little value back...

my Home...

"The eternal God is thy refuge." - Deut 33:27

The word refuge may be translated "mansion," or "abiding- place," which gives the thought that God is our Abode, our Home. There is a fulness and sweetness in the metaphor, for dear to our hearts is our home, although it be the humblest cottage, or the scantiest garret; and dearer far is our Blessed God, in whom we live, and move, and have our being. It is at home that we feel safe: we shut the world out and dwell in quiet security.

So when we are with our God we "fear no evil." He is our Shelter and Retreat, our Abiding Refuge. At home, we take our rest; it is there we find repose after the fatigue and toil of the day.

And so our hearts find rest in God, when, wearied with life's conflict, we turn to Him, and our soul dwells at ease. At home, also, we let our hearts loose; we are not afraid of being misunderstood, nor of our words being misconstrued. So when we are with God we can commune freely with Him, laying open all our hidden desires; for if the "secret of the Lord is with them that fear Him," the secrets of them that fear Him ought to be, and must be, with their Lord.

Home, too, is the place of our truest and purest happiness: and it is in God that our hearts find their deepest delight. We have Joy in Him which far surpasses all other 'happiness'. It is also for home that we work and labour.

The thought of it gives strength to bear the daily burden, and quickens the fingers to perform the task; and in this sense we may also say that God is our Home. Love to Him strengthens us. We think of Him in the person of His dear Son; and a glimpse of the suffering face of the Redeemer constrains us to labour in His cause. We feel that we must work, for we have brethren yet to be saved, and we have our Father's heart to make glad by bringing home His wandering sons; we would fill with holy mirth the sacred family among whom we dwell. Happy are those who have thus the God of Jacob for their refuge! ~ Spurgeon

Dearest Refuge,
I read these words this morning not knowing how much I would need them today. I could not wait to rush home and hide myself away. I wanted to cry and feel safe with covers tucked tightly around me. It was just a mentally tough day.

Thank You for wrapping Your Everlasting Arms around me. Your Strength keeps me and Your Joy settles my being into still waters. My tension tears have turned into tears of gratitude. My soft smile claims Your Victory...
~ always your little lamb

"As your days, so shall your strength be." ~Deut 33:25
Spurgeon: I am the Lord, I change not...

accidents...

"Do you believe in fate or do we have a choice?" he asked. Their day was pretty messed up and here sitting on the porch watching the stars seemed like a good place to be still.

"I believe in free will," she said softly. "I didn't have too but I freely choose to love you." Her shy smile deepened and her eyes twinkled.

"So what is up with accidents? What are they for? How can you have free will and accidents co-habitate in our lives? Why?" He raked his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"Accidents are bends in our journey. They take to places you would have never taken, but these accidents still allow you to choose how you will handle it. Accidents are places where we can actually touch God... more like God touching us and our lives. He freely choose to love us and He desires for us to freely love Him back. " Her face seemed aglow from her passionate words. He grab her hand in his.

"I like free will and accidents co-existing .... makes Love richer and deeper." He pulled her to her feet and went inside. The porch light went out and the night stars shone brighter.

if they like you...

As a child she stayed away from humor. It had a way of backfiring on her and she knew too well the brunt of being laughed at for her buck teeth. Her days were marked by books and bike rides. She knew how to do shy.

Today she finds a comfort zone in playfulness. No wicked or mean spirited humor for her. When she grows up, she just might be a very good comedian. Just don't forget to ask her about the NAKED jr. cheese burger deluxe!

Those around her find it easy to laugh. Most days she doesn't even notice the chipping away her good sportsmanship. A smile is the makings of a good day. A whole lot of smiles a grand day....

Then there are the days when she goes home a mess of tears. Her resistance is gone. She is sure that there is a target on her back. She doesn't want the label of being touchy. She knows the old saying that 'if they tease you, they like you.' Her heart says that 'if they like you, they will be kind' ...

Her core is deep thoughts and sensitivity. There is so much she can take. Frayed nerves wasn't going to cut it anymore. So she decided to exercise her quiet and gentle side.

She stayed away from anything that would be a battle. Her conversation was at the surface and one on one. If anyone noticed she passed it off as sleeping, daydreaming, lost in thought, or simplying clearing her space. This is her way of being kind...

I Am the Lord, I change not...

"Great is Thy Faithfulness, O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy Compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be."

"Great is Thy Faithfulness! Great is Thy Faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided -
Great is Thy Faithfulness, Lord , unto me!"
~ Wm Runyan

"I the Lord do not change.
So you , O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed."
- Malachi 3:6

It is well for us that, amidst all the variableness of life, there is One whom change cannot affect; One whose heart can never alter, ... All things else have changed-all things are changing. ... the heavens and earth must soon pass away...

He has ever been the Refuge of his people, their Stronghold in the day of trouble, and He is their sure Helper still. He is Unchanged in His Love. He has loved His people with "an Everlasting Love"; He loves them now as much as ever He did... ~ Spurgeon

Dear Eternal One,
I sigh with relief that when everything around me changes, I run to Your Everlasting Arms. My country has changed. My state has changed. You know how passionate I am about being patriotic. These earthly bonds are breaking and I long for Home. I cannot wait.

Friendships change and some fail. Keeping the adventures sacred and allowing You to work.... I run to Your Everlasting Arms. You are my Storehouse of Wisdom. Today I heard You whisper "enjoy" .... I really needed to be reminded to enjoy their treasure. 'Thy Compassions fail not' ... my heart longs to 'restore its borrowed ray'.
~ always yours

Spurgeon: gazing upon Him...

trust = survive me ...

"What does trust mean to you?" the girl asked. Her sences about him said that he really had no trust.

"Survive me," the boy said simply.

"What does that mean?" the girl was really caught off guard.

"Will this other person participate in the fullness of me and continue to experience me? Trust = Survival," the boy explained.

{{"I know I am tenacious! No problem," the girl's heart said.}}

* * * * * * * * * *A year and almost two months have gone by and the boy has withheld his presence.

"How can anyone survive you when you disappear? How will you ever know the for betters and the for worses with someone instead of alone?" the girl's heart screamed into the wind.

"Yet you withhold parts of yourself from Me," God the Father whispered. "I want all of you. I want your strength, your mind, your heart, and your soul. Trust Me and know what power there is in surviving Me! The boy may have walked away but I have not. You have feeble faith. Let Me show you that I can calm all your storms. I am your Constant in all your for betters and your for worsts! Come to My Storehouse. I will tear down the door and let My Strength overflow you so that you can be proven trustworthy"

expecting treasure...

Finding Treasures in Trials... "Steps involved in treasure hunting:

1. Recognize the pain you've experience-don't deny the anger and hurt. 

2. When it's called for, go through a grieving period. 

3. During the midst of a trial, hang on to the hand of God. Concentrate on keeping your eyes and expectations focused on Him. 

4. Wait expectantly on the Lord, like a child on Christmas morning, to bring to light the gold, blessing, or benefits that come from the trials you're experiencing.  {¡wow!}

5. Use the extra sensitivity, compassion, endurance, or wisdom you've gained from a trial to help others."
- From "It Takes Two to Tango" by Gary and Norma Smalley

Dear Expected One,
I love this!!! To have that expectant joy ... that is what I want!!! Thank You!!!!
~ always yours

her label reads the following...

Warning: Do not shake her unless you are ready
for the vivacious overflow of her passion!
This vintage bottle is a deep soul, quiet and smooth. From her innermost flavors you will get a blast of tenacity, stuborness, creativity, and thinker tempered with a long journey through melancholy and into Joy. She is a complex taste ... one that only gets better with age...

It will take a strong man to pop the top and fully understand her intensity and value. It is what she will bring out in him and his dreams. He knows with her that she will not peak but always become richer and deeper. This is not a wine that will tolerate being watered down. The strong man will never hide this bottle away but keep it in a place of value ....

gazing upon Him...

"But their eyes were kept recognizing Him." - Luke 24:16

The disciples ought to have known Jesus, they had heard His Voice so often, and gazed upon that Marred Face so frequently, that it is wonderful they did not discover Him. Yet is it not so with you also? You have not seen Jesus lately. You have been to His Table, and you have not met Him there.

We should know Jesus, for we have the Scriptures to reflect His Image, and yet how possible it is for us to open that Precious Book and have no glimpse of the Wellbeloved! Dear child of God, are you in that state? Jesus feedeth among the lilies of the word, and you walk among those lilies, and yet you behold Him not.

And why do we not see Him? It must be ascribed in our case, as in the disciples', to UNBELIEF . They evidently did not expect to see Jesus, and therefore they did not know Him.

To a great extent in spiritual things we get what we expect of the Lord. Faith alone can bring us to see Jesus. Make it your prayer, "Lord, open thou mine eyes, that I may see my Saviour present with me. " It is a blessed thing to want to see Him; but oh! it is better far to gaze upon Him. To those who seek Him He is Kind; but to those who find Him, beyond expression is He Dear! ~Spurgeon

My Dearest,
You are indeed a Sight for my sore eyes. You are my Beautiful and Beloved Saviour. Thank You for Your Love that will not let me go. Thank you for Your Joy that seeketh me through the pain.
~ always Yours

Spurgeon: purfumed arrows

protecting...

Just because she is single doesn't mean she doesn't have a relationship to protect. She may not come home to a man in her house or in her bed. She may not cook and clean a house for two or more. She may not have the priviledge or the headache to give her love, but she has every right to protect her relationship with herself and most importantly with her God.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the Wellspring of Life."
prov 4:23
"The Name of the Lord is a Strong Tower;
the righteous run to It & are Safe."
prov 18:10

Dearest Strong Tower,
My heart is soooo weary. Pieces of me have been scuffed off with interaction of people especially the opposite sex. I am left a bit raw and oozing. The old would is festering.

I run to You. You alone can heal me. You alone are Constant. You alone are Safe. You alone have Your Everlasting Arms open and waiting to enclose me into Your Beating Heart.
~ always Your pieces well loved and cared for...

first star...

She walked into her dark bedroom, pulled back the curtains, and looked out on the dark landscape. In her home this is her best view. During the day it tells of yellow and orange leaves making their playful ways to the ground while their green playmates procrastinate. But now it is different shades of midnight black and twinkle lights.

Tonight she emptied out her tears and her gratitude for her journey and those she loved. Out of the inky sky one lone star shown brightly. The corners of her mouth turned upward and her heart skipped a beat. ¡thank You, Starkeeper!

moment captured: the doe

the doe...

I was barrelling down the country road and around the curves coming through the golden fall treeson my right. My mind was a whirl of thoughts that where numbing me out. One sentence kept playing over and over. 'All I wanted to do was step outside my life for a while.' The old wound was festering again.

My country drive in the morning to work is a time I collect the beauty of the farms and the sky. I chatter gratitude with my God for His handiwork. Today He had to nudge me to put my focus back on Him.

I was coming to my turn and there my eyes locked on to her's. The corn fields had been taken down. Along my right side was a farm of black cows and a farmhouse to my favorite dog line, the toy fox terrier. I enjoy the land here. It is interesting. But this morning I had to skip up futher ahead. A doe turned her head and looked at me.

My jeep must have caught her attention. I was feverishly looking for her pack. Deer are not always a good thing to see as you are zipping along. I saw no others but her. She turned her white tail to me and then zipped across the country road and bounded off the another broken down corn field. She was soooooo graceful. I was a bit envious of her. Oh to have the grace and form ... and to run far away....

precious fumes...

Humans give off a by-product. I don't really think most are conscious of this. I wasn't till now. As they whiz down the road of life, they give off a value to the people they come in contact. It is not just their inner circle but to any and every one they bump into. Sometimes it is a dance and sometimes it just ends up in a crash, but when you walk away you feel the dollar sign. You either are of high worth or a piece of lent. No wonder there are so many walking wounded!

So what kind of value do you give to others?
What happens when you highly value you someone and in return you are only just chop liver? You value this person's dreams. You love their brain and their thoughts. You love their heart and their feelings. You love their spirit and their faith. There was a lot of connection... you placed them in your inner sactum ... you thought you were in theirs .... but ¡wham! you are tossed out like yesturday's ice cream box.

Like the old country song says: 'dreams move on if you wait too long...'
Like my mind says: 'I will stop asking for what you cannot give...'
Like my heart says: 'i won't be where i am not wanted...'
Like my soul says: 'I refuse to be anything but resilient!'

dreamer...

Ahh, "Dreamer" is an excellent movie! I would rate it a 10.

To gauge what type of audience would show up, the question was posed "Are there going to be a lot of kids there?" My answer was "It should be a movie that appeals to adults and horse lovers, too." We showed up to find the kids way out numbered the adults. (Opps!)

This is a much needed movie for the adults. We have become so crusty and disillusioned from all that presses in on us. We have lost our 'unquestioning belief.' Children come into this world with the purest value of belief! We the adults crush it where we need to go back to it and nourish it in our lives and allow your children to teach us.

This movie gives you back the power to believe. Let our dreams live!

The greatest finalle was kids breaking out into applause at the end of the movie. They recognized the power of belief.

"and the sky opens up..."

a movie review: sideways

your wellspring...

A wellspring is a good word to describe people. It is a container to hold water, but it needs to take from somewhere so it can give. Wells can be shallow or deep, empty or full. It can be bitter or it can quench thirst. The water can be clear or mirky.

People are the same way. Those that know tap into a Source that has an unending supply. They know that they can freely give. They are deep and full so that all that come near feel refreshed, but they know the balance and keep still to keep the waters clear.

Others not knowing tap into any source and take. Their waters often are mirky leaving a bitter taste on your lips. The thirst still lingers. It is like drinking mud and in horror it comes right back up.

Still others are irratic. They tap into the Source and give freely. Sure their waters are good and lots of people flock near, but the well empties and become barren. It is always a constant outage. You can't depend on your thirst to be quenched.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the Wellspring of Life."
~ prob 4:23

Dearest Source of my wellspring,
You have filled me with Your Joy. As I have travelled this great journey, You have shown me the importance of balance. You are a Constant in my life. My greatest wish is to reflect that constant outwardly.

Lord, my heart is troubled over an irratic wellspring. It is soooo easy to get caught up in giving that I was accused of taking from a dried out well. Out of my shock I run to You. I guess I am still learning the give and take of a relationship. Is the lesson 'don't ask what they can't give' what I am to learn? You are the Living Water. I thirst no more. I still ache, but You hold me close. I release this irratic wellspring into Your capable Hands.

You have taught me Joy and I will not go back. More not less. I refuse to be anything but resilient. You are my Source. I will blossom in Your Living Water.
~ always Your little girl

inside out miracle...

We put the fleece out and say, "God, if You give me the job or if You help me get that house I want or if You heal my child from her deathbed, I will serve You and even go to a far away land to feed the hungry. When God answers, we call it a miracle.

How about leaving the fleece on the Lamb? How about doing what it says in Malachi and "Test God on this?" Take God at His Word. Believe Him. If you find your faith small, take His Promises and test Him. When God meets you, call it a miracle inside out!

merge...

In my life journey I found that I must meet my challenges by moving through them. I cannot stop or stall out. Positive movement is medicine. Somehow I have always healed through the process. I have become more and not less. With all the hardcore stuff I have gone through, there is no way I will leave behind any of the learnings I have gathered along the way. I refuse to be anything but resilient! I will blossom.

taste like a connoisseur...

* Look at the color and clarity of the life & relationships you have.

* Tilt your perspective and look at the ''edges'' of your relationships, where it meets your life.

* Swirl your relationships gently to see how much ''body'' it has.

* Inhale the scents of your relationships.

* Take a small sip.

* After the first sip, swirl your relationships in your mouth and notice how it feels and tastes.

* Swallow. Then notice any after-taste.

* Pause to think about your relationship's impression on your scenses.

wine tasting 101: sideways

sideways ...

Sideways is a movie at first glance would not be one I would go see. It was recommended so I was compelled to go and I was presently surprised at how multi-leveled it was. This movie is purely an English major's delight!

Warning: R for language, some strong sexual content and nudity. So don't say I didn't warn you!

preface:
'Miles Raymond (Giamatti), a divorced middle school teacher and failed novelist, and his altar-bound friend Jack (Church) take a wine-tasting trip in California, pondering questions about their directions in life.'

Freeze frame the first wine testing:
Gloomy Miles is a wine connoisseur. He would LOOK at his wine. Then he would tip his glass and LOOK at the edge of his wine. He would swirl his wine gently to see how much body it had. He INHALED the scent and took a sip. He would swirl his wine in his mouth, FEELING and TASTING. Shallowing he would notice any after-taste. All was done in a slow and smooth way. It was as though he was MAKING LOVE with his wine.

Jack on the other hand would just glup his way through the wines.

my thoughts:
wine = human relationships /marriage.

Why did Miles fail to TASTE in his marriage relationship with such passion as his wine? In his failed marriage he FELT LITTLE. The after-taste in his mouth was bad. After the dismize of his marriage, he had realized what kind of marriage he wanted but felt unable and unworthy to make it good.

Freeze frame the part where they go to Stephanie's house:
While Jack and Stephanie shush through on their relationship, Miles and Mia move outside to have a conversation. Mia askes him why he is sooo passionate about Pinot. Miles describes the grape to make his favorite wine as thin skinned and tempramental to weather and handling. I was screaming 'Miles is not only describing the grape but he is describing himself and the marriage union!'

Miles asks Mia why she is interested in wine. She liked thinking about what was going on in the world at the time the grape was grown and harvested. What was weather like? What kind of people handle the grape? Was an old wine? Are the people who handled the wine dead? What were they like? etc.

See how his answer to Pinot and her response to wine was a fair give and take. She was the right match. She was interested in the surroundings and care of the grape and he was stuck in the misery of pinot.

Mia asked what was his best wine in his collection? It was the wine that was to peak that year. Once a wine peaks the favor begins to break down and go bad. Miles didn't have an answer but a shrug.

Interesting note:
To peak doesn't mean a negative where the taste will go bad rather it is the moment of realization. A celebrating moment to make new .. to make better.

back to the movie:
The relationship between the two fall apart because of the poor attitude Miles holds dear. Moody and temperamental is much easier to be. Miles also knows the lies Jack has been telling Stephanie and doesn't say anything to Mia. This is betrayal and Mia cannot be near him anymore.

After feeling sorry for himself long enough, Miles writes a letter and send it along with his book to Mia in the effort to turn a new leaf. Mia chooses to read his letter and his book. She was peaking.

Quite interesting to find Miles with his favorite wine in a very ordinary convient store. He opens and drinks in the flavorful and peaking wine. At this moment he knows Mia is the right match. He goes to her. He was peaking.

What was the purpose for the author to used a character like Jack? This friend was a backdrop to compare Miles tooo. He TASTED his wine. Jack sloshed through the wine. There was no real passion .. no real love. Jack did the same with his relationships .. a shallow drinker ... a shallow womanizer .. a shallow man. Slosh through the wine ... slosh through the women. I highly doubt that his 'I can't loose her' hoping not loose woman he was to marry was real. Jack is at the beginning cycle of where Miles mucked through.

Where are you at on this journey? Are you thin skinned and temperamental? Do you need to peak? Or are you pass peaking?

You have to make the decision to stop letting your wine go bad. Peak already! Open that wine and pour it into a new glass. Fully TASTE the wine.

a movie review: just like heaven
wine tasting 101: sour milk

slipped in unseen ...

I am melancholy by nature. When my soul was shriveling, I invited a God-Intervention. While God was showing me His Strength is Joy (neh 8:10), something else slipped in unseen.

Three years later as I marvel at my inner transformation, I just now made the connection. Belief walked in with Joy. I feel the Awesome Power of both flow through me. To be honest I think they come as a pair. I wouldn't have it any other way. Funny thing is that Melancholy hugs the corners for there is no room the dance floor of my heart with Joy and Belief getting a groove on in the spotlight! I truly have a Wonderful Life.

When you believe ... your thoughts and your actions skip with hope ... & Joy bubbles within your soul! What an epiphany! Invite Joy ... Belief will follow!

a violent streak...

"You definitely have a violent streak in you!!" He said with a devilish gleam in his eyes. A long silence and then her wicked glare pinned him to the wall before she could speak.

"Well, if people would stop sticking me in a box, shuting the lid, then sitting their bum on top dangling their legs, kicking the side!!!" She fumed.

a discussion between Aragorn & Eowyn
"Aragorn," she said, "why will you go on this deadly road?"

"Because I must," he said. "Only so can I see any hope of doing my part in the war against Sauron. I do not choose paths of peril, Eowyn." ... ...

"Lord," she said, "if you must go, then let me ride in your following. For I am weary of skulking in the hills, and wish to face peril and battle."

"Your duty is with your people," he answered. ... ...

"Shall I always be left behind when the Riders depart, to mind the house while they win renown, and find food and beds when they return?" ... ... "All your words are but to say: you are a woman, and your part is in the house. But when the men have died in battle and honor, you have leave to be burned in the house, for the men will need it no more." ... ...

"What do you fear, lady?" he asked.

"A cage," she said. "To stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire."
chapter called 'The Passing of the Grey Company' from The Lord of the Rings III book

Dear Beautiful Warrior,
I find it so refreshing to know that You did not design just men for adventure. You created this ache in women also. You amaze me.

You did not cage me. In fact You tore open the door and told me to fly! I am sooo blessed and sooo very grateful!!! I love You!

always your warrior princess

Maggie unwanted...

Let me tell you about Maggie. She is one of God's special creatures that often describes in furry pup love the meaning of unconditional.

Maggie comes from my favorite breed, the toy fox or rat terrier. This line of terrier is extremely smart, animated, and loyal. Their coats or washable pjs are usually white with spots of black or brown. Sometimes you can find coats of black with dapple white tummys with white socks and white tips to their skinny tales. Maggie was a mid-size fox terrier with a coat of white and big paws. She was beautiful and very friendly.

Maggie was an unwanted dog. She was tossed out in the rural country side at a farm house. Now to make it she would have to make a human fall in love with her. Someone who had a home where she would be a welcomed house member to the warmth of hearth and home for not just those wintry nights but for sunny days too.

The farmer's wife did enjoy Maggie's friendly companionship, but she was looking for someone else to take Maggie. I would have loved to taken Maggie but not being allowed to have a dog, I passed the info to my bro who was looking to take in a pup.

I had a heighten urgency to get Maggie a home. Maggie being female was bleeding and was not allowed to be in the farmer's house at night. I know this breed very well. Bobby and Andy are my furrry bundles of joy. They need to be inside dogs because they are short haired and shake a lot. They also need security of a fence or a human presence to care and watch out for those cars.

When I took my brother and his wife to see Maggie, she came bounding out towards us and was super friendly. Her chocolate brown eyes were sooo full of love and she just could not get enough pets. I had fallen in love. My brother wasn't ready to take her and had asked the farmer's wife if she would care for Maggie another week.I did not want to wait. Maggie needed a home she could stay inside at night.

Maggie knew what her job was. She was here to love her human companion unconditionally. Right next to her master was her place to sleep. Walking together to maintain a healthy body and mind. Animated facial expressions that would crumble any human into a huge hug. Sure she would enjoy cookies and full body massages, but her job was to ease her human's heavy burdens.

Maggie didn't get to have a chance to enjoy these creature comforts. While wedding plans of couples uniting where every one's focus, Maggie lost her life to a speeding car that left her to die along side the road a year ago October on a crisp Sunday morning.

Who will mourn for this precious gift called Maggie?

I did not understand why Maggie came and left so quickly. My gut was saying to get a home for her quick but I couldn't get others to move fast enough. My heart broke. I felt alone in my tears.

A whole year has gone by and I am not one step closer to understanding God's purpose for Maggie except today I feel like her.

What if Maggie was a human? What if her job was to nourish and give life? What if all she needed was another human to share her gifts with? What if she was sent here for you to feel a your load lightened? What if she was a very cheery and made you feel good? Would you allow her into your world? Or would the stuff of life like other unions be more important than a simple connection?

Who will take Maggie in and let her gift unfold?

purfumed arrows...

We must shoot the Lord's Arrows back to Him. That desire which He writes upon our heart will move His Heart and bring down a Blessing, but the desires of the flesh have no power with Him. ~Spurgeon

Prayer should be perfumed with Love. ~Spurgeon

Spurgeon: great trials

my dad's last words...

disclaimer:
My dad is alive and kicking! But he did share his last words with his family. My little brother rolled his eyes, but I was eager to hear. I believe strongly that last words should not be kept until your last breath. They should be spoken now. When you thought them out, you find your life has a direction and a purpose. I have tackled my last words and they are on the sidebar for your reading.

My dad wants to have faith like Caleb who followed the Lord wholeheartedly. Caleb and Joshua where the guys who came back from the Promise Land excited and ready to go in and conquer. But Isreal listen to the others who feared the might of the people who lived there. It did not matter the God said they would conquer the lands.

After 40 years of waitng it was time to go into the Promise Land. Caleb went to Joshua and said,

" I was forty years old when Moses the servant of the Lord sent (you and) me .. to explore the land. And I brought him back a report according to my convictions, but my brothers who went up with me made the hearts of the people melt with fear. I, however, followed the Lord my God wholeheartedly. So on that day, Moses swore to me, ' The land on which your feet have walked will be your inheritance and that of your children forever, because you have followed the Lord my God wholeheartedly.'

"Now then, just as the Lord promised, He has kept me alive for forty-five years since the time he said this to Moses, while Israel moved about in the desert, So here I am today, eighty-five years old! I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I'm just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then. Now give me this hill country that the Lord promised me that day."

Then Joshua blessed Caleb ... and gave him Hebron as his inheritance ... because he followed the Lord, the God of Isreal, wholeheartedly. ~ Joshua 14:6-15

My dad seeks to go by faith and follow the Lord his God wholeheartedly. Where others melt with fear, he wants to walk by faith and conquer by faith. He seeks to be stronger in his God with each new day. He seeks to be just as vigorous to go out to battle now as he was new in his faith. He wants to be remembered as one who followed and serve his God wholeheartedly.

I love you, Dad, I am so proud to be your daughter. I am so grateful to the Almighty Father for blessing my life with your presence. I will cherish that night and I will cherish these 'last words.' (((Dad))) you are my first love.

'this is how a heart breaks...'

"Get away from me. I don't want others to know you are my sister," he said to her during a family outing at the local mall.

"You really should do something with your hair. It is a mess. Do you comb your hair? Maybe you should perm it." Comments that haunted her for many years causing great hatred towards what should be the crown of a woman's beauty.

"Are you going along with what I taught you or have you really thought about this in this way? Are sure about that?" Her father always was conferntational in efforts to get her to think. She always hope for encouragement for her thoughts but never received.

The look but never the pursuit. Yup, she liked this guy and this guy looked but never took action enough to say hi. He still looked even when he is married to another.

His silence. His moody behavior. His depression. His shutting out. His disappearance. How can she break though behavior like that? And why is it her problem?

This is how a heart breaks. Beat down. Ignore. Call it problems with her attitude.......

My Beautiful and Dearly Loved Child,
You heart breaks because the men in your life or the lack of men in your life have devalued you. You hunger for exceptance and attention. You ache for acknowledgement that you are indeed a beautiful creature. You want to know that you have brilliant thoughts. You desire to love so passionately.

I have noticed at your steps at trying understand your hunger pains. I am quite proud of your hard work at trying to be the best of who you are. You understand the fine line of being open and soft to the loved ones who have hurt you and knowing when to walk away from those who have no respect for your passion.

Ahhhh, I have listen to those questions that consume your heart. O Child, Taste and see that I Am Good. I will fill all your hunger pains. Do not seek after attention from earthly men. Trust Me and take Refuge in Me. Come to My Table and eat. My Storehouses are full and overflowing. I Satisfy and you will never hunger. But you have to keep coming to My banquet. Let My Love fill you... Let Me call you, Blessed.

~Always your Heavenly Father, Faithful Brother and Friend

'O Taste & see that the Lord is Good! Blessed is the man who Trusts and takes Refuge in Him.' ~ ps 34:8
'You prepareth a table before me' ~ps 23:5a

Everlasting Arms...

'' the Eternal God is your Refuge
&
underneath are the Everlasting Arms''
~deut 33:27

She loves to find Refuge in Him. When her days wear her out leaving tears to surface, there is nothing more comforting than to fall into His Everlasting Arms. Safely tucked hidden from view, she can release her raw emotions. Hearing the Eternal God's HeartBeat in her ear, she finds His Peace calms her.

He loves to find Support in Him. When his days demand his fight and his action, failure haunts him in the back of his mind. Am I strong enough? Calling on the Ultimate Warrior, he knows the Everlasting Arms will hold him up and support the fight he must carry out. Hearing the Eternal God's Strong Affirmation in his ear, he is greatly encouraged and embolden.

Ancient of Days...

Ancient of Days & Rock of Ages
are a couple of my favorites names of my Beloved God.

He created our breath and holds our fragile vessels. It was no random happening; He designed for us to meet in the world of words that move our minds, hearts, and souls. When there is physical land distence between you and me these Names comfort my soul. If He can span time, miles or kms are a breeze.

hugggers to my traveling companion....

a living eulogy...

She dances. She sings. She receives. She gives. She serves. She loves. She creates. She dissents. She enlivens. She sees. She grows. She sweats. She learns. She morphs. She giggles. She delights. She savors. She sheds her skin. She risks. She tackles high mountains. She walks through dark valleys. She blasts through man-made walls. She lives with compassion, passion, & joy. She lives with entention.

I saw this living eulogy written in past tense. If it is truly living, one must live now in the moment with all she has. I made this my own and in present tense. I will not wait for death to define my life. I define it today by living with all my passion.

Thank You, Brilliant Creator, for my wonderful life.

holding on...

It is not enough to find your passion ... you must dive straight into the fire of your fear where you can grab it and hold it until it transforms you.

When you desperately clutched your dreams they would often wiggle free and swim away. It isn't until you learned to swim that it becomes clear they were trying to show you the way.

the Anatomy of an Intricate Listener...

When you meet her, she has an air of someone who is shy with a mysterious smile. She is playful but don't let that fool you. Her eyes tell of a deep mix of a thinker and a listener. Her talk is full of tough questions not to challenge you but for her to learn and understand better. Her speech comes out in jerky fashion. It seems her brain and tongue often disconnect from one another. Often others misunderstand her and think they can influence or teach her. When the talking is done and you have parted company, her thoughts either continue in her sub-conscious or they continue in a slow cooker. Her listening does not stop.

first stage
She is soaking in all the details of the conversation. All the words and the varying tones, all the topics and the varying trails, all the relationships and the varying connections are collected. There is no room to actively think ahead with words to say. The conversation is moving. It is instinctive for her to have questions and she is not afraid to voice them. They have served her well. When discussion comes to the end, ...

second stage
... the conversation is no longer in motion. Her subconscious catalogs and organizes the different topics. Connecting the dots and putting them up to her other experiences and 'learnings', more questions surface. She is going about the business of her day.

third stage
At times it is like her brain indexes and thoughts or a rerun of the discussion pop up. New and deeper understandings are realized as she sees that the connected dots make up an interesting concept or picture.

She is often quite amazed at how her brain works. Her gratitude is heard by her Creator.

an agnostic...

"I'm an agnostic," he said in a conversation about politics. She knew his political views and always tried to avoid that topic at all cost, but she was trapped with no where to go. She did a pretty good job at holding her own. But when he said, "Don't tell me you think Christians are being pursecuited here in the States." She looked at him with eyes that said, ''Now where did that come from?" ''He wasn't listening,'' her heart said.

agnostic = doubter, disbeliever, atheist, nonbeliever, cynic, skeptic, pessimist, disparager, detracter

Q's for the agnostic:
In simple terms agnostic means you doubt or disbelieve. What do you doubt or disbelieve?

With agnostic being a mild doubter on one side of the scale and an atheist being an actively extreme disbeliever on the other side, where do you lie?

If you doubt who do you believe in? Do you believe in yourself?

If you believe in yourself & who you are as a person, can you rock the world by yourself?
(How do you rock your world?)

Being an agnostic, don't you find the doubt gives you a negative outlook through out all the layers of your life? Is there anything that you find enjoyable?

Don't you find you have a negative bias about everything and everyone? Don't you find that people run from you because of this negative energy you give off?

What can you be positive about? Can one person change the world?

Dear Savior,
Today as I experience a true doubter, I saw in a deeper way why You ask of us a Raw Faith. Faith in You gives us a Strength that lies in Belief. I see Hope. It is like a brilliant warm Light. Life is often a rough adventure, but it is the Faith and the Belief that makes Life fun and exciting.

This agnostic is poor in spirit and that saddens me. He loves computers but you wouldn't know because all he can do is talk bad about them too. He seems to have no passion but this negative bias. What I do know is that he didn't have a good childhood. I do not seek to change him. That is up to him. I am asking for the right questions to challenge his own thinking and to know that I am not attacking him. Maybe he is seeking .... with this thought I do find hope. You are a Transformer of lives.

You created him and You Love him so much that You sent ONE Man to come and radically change the world. You will show him the scars in that afterlife he doubts exist.

I could not live in constant doubt and negativity. There would be no reason to live. Melancholy has been there in my life. It was a tough road. You covered my weakness and doubting soul. To think that to me it was little doubt, to You it did not matter the adjective. It was doubt. Thank You for believing in me. Thank You for not letting me go. Your Love is Light. Thank You for the Good Life.
~a believer

great trials...

"Great trials bring out God's Great Strength." ~ Spurgeon
Our trials measure our inner strength and beauty.....

Dear Great Shepard,
She had gone through and was still going through some heart squeezing stuff. Her song was asking You to be small enough for her tears! I sat in my pew wanting to jump up and scream. I was open to her pain, but I just could not contain myself.

You are Huge and You are Still. Just perfect for my tears. Thank You for how Awesome and Mighty You are and still so very Gentle.

He had prayed how he wanted the church to rise up and be able to show love to our fellow countrymen. I sat in my pew thinking if I expressed that kind of attitude, I would have expected my earthly father to say that instead of asking, DO.

You are so Strong and so Compassionate. We fail You. We weary You. Yet, You still Love us. You cheer us on to be more raw in our faith. Thank You, Heavenly Father.
~ your little lamb

Spurgeon: Transforming God

What if I refused to receive sour milk...?

It sits in the carton on the top shelf of the refrigerator waiting for breakfast or for afternoon cookies. Oh, those yummy just baked gooy chocky chip cookies just ready to be savored with a cool glass of milk. Yes, don't forget how good that milk is for your bones. Mmmmm, nothing wrong with milk!

One night you crawl out of bed and sneak downstairs by the light of the moon streaming through the windows. Your destination takes you straight to the frig. The light burns your eyes as you reach for the carton. You are too sleepy to get a glass. You open and tilt your head back and take in a huge gulp only to have the sour milk hit your stomach and back up and splattering all over the kitchen and down your pjs. Free radicals have taken your milk hostage.

Sour milk = sour stomach. What you received into your body, came racing out.

How about that? What can you do if I refuse your sour disregard for me? I will not be left a hostage. No, I won't yell to get you to notice me. I will not devalue others. I will not waste away.

Why not refuse your carelessness and your distraction? When I refuse your negligence, I guard my wellspring. What I give cannot be spoiled by your inattention.

What you receive, you give.
wine tasting 101: bowl of honey

the neighborhood bully....

The name was familiar to her ears. Noooooo, could not be! The name took her back to her elementary school days. She lived with her parents and her brothers in a trailer park. There was an upper level and a lower level. The neighborhood bully lived down on the lower level.

She remembers him back to her to kindergarden years. He was always picking on the neighborhood kids. She must have felt that because they were in the same grade that maybe she should be able to stand up to him. And maybe this is the reason he found that she made a good target.

It was a sunny day in the neighborhood and the big yellow school bus was to drop off the trailer park kids. The bully had threaten her or maybe it was her brother. Made no difference she was the oldest and she would do what was necessary to protect her own flesh and blood. She had ushered her brother to the front of the bus and asked if the bus driver would detain the bully until she could make it home. The bus driver refused.

It is a good thing she lives on the upper level. A plan was forming in that mind of hers. As soon as her brother's feet hit the pavement, she yelled run. Then she ran screaming bloody murder for her mother as she swung her clarinet case all around in attempt to scare the bully. *what a sight that must have been*

Her mother came out to see what the commotion was about. Can you believe it? The bully was right on their heals. The mother told the bully to go pick on someone his own size. He said he was! The girl might have been the same age but she was quite a bit smaller than him.

Those days would have seemed like so long ago. Yet how quickly that name takes her back as it did the day she heard it again at her new place of work. Nah, he isn't one in the same. This guy looks different. So she went on about her business. Then this guys daughter came to work. After some chatter she soon realized the guy was the ol neighborhood bully.

Amazing to see the bully in a whole new light. Age give her wisdom and grace to see what life could chip away. The neighborhood bully had changed into a very fun loving and doting father. He was still married to and in love with his childhood sweet heart and had a very beautiful (inside and out) daughter who had a wisdom above her years about her.

Amazing to have that the ex-bully come to her and compliment her on the deeply thought out and hand-crafted graduation gift she gave his daughter. It was a moment for her to hold and cherish. She couldn't wait to touch her feet to the ground and run home to call her mom. This time was there was no screaming but soft gratitude and amazement .....

just like heaven...

Love this movie. Would rate it a high 10 and a miss clean award! No, I do not think it is like "Ghost" like the reviews would say. Rather it seems to be more like "Return to Me."

Sure it is a simple love story but it is more about living and loving life. Two lost souls in a walking death find each other. One who was consumed in work the other consumed with loss but both out of step with living. In their numbness they begin to connect with each other. They begin life anew when they fight back against giving up and disconnecting.

In this movie pay attention to meaning of connections. Pay attention to the garden. Notice the circle spiral in both. Every event and every person in our lives is here for a reason. If we don't meet up at one time, we will meet in another. It is meant to be. The message? Pay attention to all the connections in your own life and savor!.

a movie review: must love dogs

bowl of honey...

God has truly blessed me and given me a sweet life. But I have allowed myself to feast on the bitter fruit that life offers instead of the bowl of honey sitting right in front of me. ~~ randi

Ahh, love this image. We move so fast through this life often in disconnect. Being Still is an action. It is connecting with all the moments. Enjoying and Learning.

'to ignore' a good thing?

"The greatest human desire is attention," he said as made his first introduction with her. He was dashing and had a brain to boot. This was the first day. Many days later though he was gone and she was wondering what is this? Oh, but many more days later he was back. She was expected to pick up where they left off.

"Attention is constant not whenever you feel like it," she said as he explained this is just how he is. Hmmmm, not so said her soul. She kept up because she is a hard worker on her relationships. Then days go by he is gone. Then back. Nothing she said was working.

"Where are you?," he said when he came back to nothing. He kept trying but only a few days. She was hiding still and quiet. She was there hearing every word. She said everything she could but he had not heard her. So she turned it around and disconnected to lose him forever.

"Very sad that to ignore someone is a good thing," she says as she walks away without the chains holding her down.

a little fire ... a little quiet....

She is this wierd mix of fire and quiet. There were the years where she was banished to her bicycle and her books for companionship. She felt a kinship to Anne of Green Gables. Anne loved her books and her imagination. She drank up Anne's dramatic antics feeling those feelings inside but never able to live it.

There were the years where she just tried to survive as a wallflower. She didn't want other teenagers to look at her and see the clothes that did not fit. When her parents went to parent teacher conferences, the teachers could not remember their daughter. "Oh, she must not be a problem then," was the comment her parents brought home. Not great news when even her teachers couldn't remember her. Oh, if she had the nerve, she should have introduced herself to the teacher! No, she was quiet because she was taught respect.

There were the years she studies up the on self. Wondering why she was such a wierd person that no one really saw the depth of her heart. Amazing that she did not pick up some habit to fill this void. She probably could credit the fire that is always brewing inside keeping her breathing and alive.

There were the years where she finds her ears ringing when she goes home after a family gathering. Everyone chattering on about news of everyday happenings, yet no one heard a peep from her. Some extended family members would make a remark about her futher excluding her. Oh, if she had the nerve, she might just have twisted the comment back to hurt them. No, she was quiet she was taught to honor her elders.

There were the years where she is trying to find her place as a woman. Is she beautiful enough? Will someone ever love her fire? Will someone ever acknowledge her passions and dreams? Will she be enough to love? Will someone ever see how amazing smart she is and not run from it? Will anyone know she how hard she loves? Will she succeed in her dream being heard?

Through out all the years she just wanted enough attention but she was given disregard. She has struggled with knowing how to live this wild mix of fire and quiet. She still has the fire and she has learned the worth of her quiet nature. Yet, she still struggles....

life reality...

Even before she can strap in the similiator begins. All kinds of flashing lights and blaring sounds churn and pitch around her. Blazing red and orange hit her like a hot searing fire. She felt anger rip at her flesh. A tense panic began to juice up her heart. Yelling hammered her ears. A fight plan was sent out to her limbs. Her blood began to turn in to fizzing acid. She took a step back and gulp slowly in a moment. She had to stop the madness. How quick the stimuli had inflamed her into anger. Her time would run out if she didn't choose now how to respond. A cup of cool water. Blue pooled and soothed the landscape before her. The heat transformed into a soft breeze.

Even before she could take in what had happened, a booming clap of thunder snatched her heartbeat from her. Jolted into the next round, she felt icy razor sharp raindrops pelt her skin. Grey puffy clouds packed and bump into each other. A deep pain of sorrow pulled her mind and soul down into a inky void. Heavy tears ran down her face as she hugged herself feeling soo disconsolate and alone. This wasn't working. If this gloom took over her, she would be no more. Releasing her grip, she held out her arms. To her surprise her arms bumped into another human being. As she wrapped her arms around this human. The grey mist began to left. The sharing of tears gave way to soft smiles and brilliant blue skies.

Even before she could whisper a gratitude, a howling wind whipped wet dead leaves of naked black trees. The ground was blacken mush and the dusky air was hollow. An eerie durge was playing. The casket weighted down the backs of the pallbearers. Death was too heavy for her and she began to beat her chest. 'Noooooooo' shattered the screen before her like a cracking mirror. The yellow sun rose from the edge of night. She found herself bathed in light. All around her was flowers all dressed in their colorful elegant party dresses. She picked as many as she could so she could give away likes smiles....

Then the similiator came to a complete stop. She stumbled out. Her next test was to journal what she had learnt. Her thoughts began to cover the page. She could learn all about right and wrong. She could make her standards and establish her core values, but it was not worth much if she could not take ownership of the situation. It was all about her behavior. She could react to the forces around her and watch her world destruct or she could break the bad cycles and give out good.

What you receive, you give.
What you give, you receive.

what is the "Fear of the Lord"?...

"He will be the Sure Foundation for your times,
a Rich Store of Salvation & Wisdom & Knowledge;
the Fear of the Lord is the Key to this Treasure."
Isa 33:6
'Fear of the Lord' leaves us quite mystified. When God is all about love and acceptance , how can fear be apart of a Loving God?

Be truthful. Isn't Love risky? Isn't Love sacrificial action? Doesn't Love give you a bit of fear? Yes, because we have to trust.

'My times' has a lot of accusations being thrown about .... My major grief is behavior. How do I behave in troubled times as these? How do I behave when other's have let their behavior splatter much like a speeding car over a mud puddle?

I know what fear does to me. When shouting, pointing of fingers, and anger swirl around me, the insides of me melt away and there I am with no where to run, red faced, and a total shaky mess.

Titus 3:2 "... to slander no one, to be peaceable, to be full of courtesy, to walk humbly..." This is the hard work of love and fear.
Who better to trust God?

"You cannot be with a Strong God without receiving strenth. God is always a Transforming God. Fellowship with Him changes our likeness until we become more like Him."
~C.H. Spurgeon

" ... in Christ I can be bold
robbing God : : : wonderfully made ... : : : behavior ...
... fear --> love --> risk --> sacrificial action -->

Spurgeon: pure jealous love

a little history...

Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.
~ emme lazsrus
These words are found on the foundation of the Statue of Liberty. Words woven in the fabric of America. I take great pride in these words because I am a dreamer. To dream you need a safe place to nourish your imagination and to take flight. America has been a refuge to many people through the ages.

America now has her own huddled masses, homeless and tempest-tost. These are her refugees. Their homes, what they did for a living, loved ones and pets are broken. Their dreams are gone.

Miss Liberty has turned to face her mighty Mississippi & Gulf shores. There are tears streaming down her face as she whispers a prayer. When she opens her eyes, she sees the masses with lamps of hope held high and arms open wide. A sea of humanity holding each other together. This is her people of the United States. She is proud.

Once again pioneers renewed will dream big dreams. The will make their first steps again here on homeland shores. They will soar again like wings of the eagle.

refuge and refugee come from the latin language.
re = back ; fugere = to flee

... Oh, to be a reflection of God the Great Refuge

Refuge & refugee

Refuge = shelter from dangerasylum, sanctuary, hideout, hideaway, safe harbor, any port in a storm, last resort, support, anchor(age), home, hospital, retreat.

refugee = one who flees for safety; person taking refuge from war, persecution, or natural disaster
misplaced person, evacuee, escapee, runaway, displaced person

Psa 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Dear Almighty God,
I am blessed to find you a Refuge and Strength. I am gladly a refugee. You are my Sanctuary and First Resort. Without you I would not know True Strength when I am so helpless. I find Safe Harbor in your Everlasting Arms. You heal my gaping wounds and dry my tears. I am not of this world and I feel the pain acutely; however, I know I have a Place prepared for me. Everywhere I look I see waste and distruction. I feel the sucking away of my soul. Yet, Your Beauty and Your Joy keep me strong. You are my Anchor. You love me with Unconditional and Sacrificial Love. You have romanced my heart. I am so grateful from the bottom of my heart.
~~your beloved little girl

: : : Refuge : : :

a pale raspberry to eat...

"No, it isn't ripe."

"Oh yes, these are golden raspberries."

The taste is more crisp and very delightful. They are first a pale green. When they are ripe, they turn a pale yellow. If not gobbled in at the first hint of the golden stage, they blush.

Big black hairy bumblebees love these bushes for the sweet nectar so make sure you pinch off the berry and not a bumblebee's bum!

pointing fingers...

* more vs. less
* owership vs. victim
* better vs. bitter

What are we teaching the kids and teenagers, when grown adults are pointing fingers. We all know the old saying about pointing. Any kid could tell you.

Our children need to know how to take ownership. Isn't freedom about being more? Everyone in the world has heard of the American Dream. Their are poor children who dream of coming here. The Dream is about making a better life. It can start anywhere. The mental first step is "I am going to live my dream." Some come here but they had to start there in their own country.

Challenges need to be met with the same determination as following your dream. Even when all thing lay in ruin, you pick up the pieces and if you have to you dream a bigger dream. Overcome and be more than what you were. Just taking ownership changes you. Give up the ashes and wash your hands. Be ready for God's beauty.

If our children could see adults modeling ownership of their dreams as well as their challenges, what a huge gift we would give our future generations.

My Anchor Holds...

Though the angry surges roll
On my tempest driven soul,
I am peaceful, for I know,
Wildly though the winds may blow,
I've an anchor safe and sure,
That can evermore endure.

Mighty tides about me sweep,
Perils lurk within the deep,
Angry clouds o'ershade the sky,
And the tempest rises high;
Still I stand the tempest's shock,
For my anchor grips the Rock.

I can feel the anchor fast
As I meet each sudden blast,
And the cable, thought unseen,
Bears the heavy strain between;
Through the storm I safely ride,
Till the turning of the tide.

Troubles almost 'whelm the soul;
Griefs like billows o'er me roll;
Tempters seek to lure astray;
Storms obscure the light of day;
But in Christ I can be bold,
I've an anchor that shall hold.

chorus:
And it holds, my anchor holds;
Blow your wildest, then, O gale,
On my bark so small and frail;
By His Grace I shall not fail,
For my anchor holds, my anchor holds.
by Daniel Townes 1930

This is were I want to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
At Rest......

to wait

positive action absolutes...

"The darkest moment is your most sacred
... holds you greatest potential."

"What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters
compared to what lies within us." ~ ralph waldo emerson

^{My personal epiphany:}
Positive Approach
Positive Answers
Positive Decisions
Positive Game Plan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
= Positive Action

Positive Magic = Appreciation, Value, & Worth
Positive Force = Faith

Key to Survival = Claim Victory no matter how small

Move to what you can control.

"Do what you can with what you have where you are." - Teddy R.

What you recieve, you give. What you give, you get back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* 100% communication = 7% verbal + 93% action
* humans fail by not acting
* BELIEF is what you become
* Dwell in Possibility
* Value = you will move heaven & earth ... if it or someone is important enough to you

at morning's Light...

She sits on her favorite rock overlooking the eastern horizon. She comes from her bed of nightmares. With a cuppa warming her hands she snuggles with blankets. She is waiting for the sun to rise. She wants to bathe in the warmth. Her soul skips a beat as she feels golden rays peek and tease her over the horizen. There at the moment of the glorious reveal, she feels kissed by her God.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full into His Wonderful Face
and the things of earth will fade away
in the Light of His Glory and Grace"

"Arise, shine, for your Light has come and the Glory of the LORD rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the LORD rises upon you and His Glory appears over you." Isaiah 60:1-2

"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day."
Proverbs 4:18

ty Lovely!!!

prayer triumphs and requests from Hurricane Katrina's wake

I hold these Truths...

* negative attitude = rejection of Faith!
This hit me to the quick! I have lived in melancholy for many years and it lurks in many of my corners still today. I was ashamed as this new truth haunted me. Negative attitude has everything to do with complaining, whining, fighting, slandering, doubt, and worry. If I let these dark and ugly things fester in my heart, there is no room for God to work. There is no love, no joy, no goodness, and no faith.

My next step was to dwell in possibility. Every time I doubted .... I switched to dwelling in possibility. Why not? was a question I explored possible dreams and filled out my life with them.

* joy is the stuff of strength
neh 8:10 "The Joy of the Lord is my Strength." Quite simply declare His attributes

* passion is the stuff of love
Love is purely action and sacrificial. Love is listening and caring for another's welfare. Love is loving your dreams and passions into life. Love is loving yourself and knowing you have a purpose to live and give here and now.

* compassion is the stuff of life
Life is growth and beauty. Life is fragile and yet resilient. Life is like a seeing someone burst into a simple smile. Life is the opposite of death. I want to always error on the side of life. I am overjoyed by seeing the triumph of the human spirit.

* don't waste beauty
Create. Give. Work hard. Sing. Dance. Play.

* move to what you can control
Be thankful. Affirm. Appreciate. Enjoy every monent. Delight & Savor. Claim Victory. Declare His attributes. Celebrate because you do have a wonderful life.

ownership...

Dear Almighty God,
I am an angry right now. I see a modern day version of ''the lord of the flies'' playing out before my eyes. I am sick. The behavior is so desperate and so sub-human. I know the loss is so crushing. I cannot believe what I am seeing. I am overwhelmed.

You are 'The Creator' so You are just the Master at Creativity. My mind can't stop. I have poured over an atlas to 'see' the cities that I have never visited. I have paced around my livingroom with a ideas of how to lead these people out. I have see human chains coming down from the north spredding like a web. I see a new modern day 'Railroad' taking shape as these chains come and start moving people to towns and to the next. I see a hurd of helicopters approaching the south. If they aren't built to rescue, they go in and drop food and water. etc God, maybe I have some silly notions but that is how I would like to help. For now I will help the way I know I can. Those silly notions though will not lay still. You created my mind and stuffed it with an imagination. If I own it, You will honor it. Thank You for romancing me in creativity.

I am so grateful to have fully come to terms with what life is all about. I use to think it was something to solve. How delightfully wrong I was. Thank you for my life right now in times that are unsure. I am no longer a victim but a warrior princess ready to love my world, to spread beauty, and to encourage life full and overflowing. I will take ownership ... unleashing my simple, intense, lovely, passionate, intimate, compassionate, sacrificial, raw, untamed faith.

You are Light and I am a borrowed ray. I dip into Your overflowing Well of Mercy and Compassion.
~~~~ always Your little girl

"If you can imagine it, you can achieve it."
"If you can dream it, you can become it."

at morning's light

our richest resource...

What 'fuel' would truly make a human or a country rich? What 'fuel' would we be able to use to survive any horror? What 'fuel' is friendly to the enviroment? What 'fuel' do we have right here in our own back yard without depending on anyone else or country? What 'fuel' gives back to you instead of running you dry?

No way is it oil. Nope not natural gas. Nahhh not even the hydrogen. Not even corn which by the way my state would love that!

CREATIVITY Yes, you heard me.

America was built on being innovative. They invented things that we take for granted all over the world. Acting on their imaginations they changed their way of life and all the lives to come after. Let's prove to our forefathers our grit. Let's get back to our grassroots. Let's change our world.

What depleats this great resource? The media, politics, big business and our own selves for allowing them to infect our minds with chaos. All I hear on the war front is the death toll. Every few of the good stories of how we are giving Iraqies a chance to change their lives. I know those stories are there and are begging to be told. When I hear just one glimmer of hope, I spred it like wildfire.

Media is a blantent offender. They predict gas prices will be $3 gal by the end of summer. Sure enough it is. Only because they have created panic in us. Now they are predicting $5 gal by the end of the year. Stop the insanity! Why do we give into this? Make a change! Where are our scientists? Or even some person just tinkering around? We need creativity desperately!

What is going on with the chaos of the hurricane makes me sick! I again am going to pick on the media. I know that the living conditions are horrid and I do not make light of that. The media is our eye and they show negative report after another. I know they help a little. But in the big scheme of things they have resources like helicopters, satalite phones, cameras, huge audience and big owners. I would like to see them at least make food drops on those rooftops where there are citizens. I would like to see them use their satalite phones more allowing these poor people to get messages to their loved ones. I would like to see them make video messages to send to authorities about the needs or messages to loved ones. The media needs to get with it and use their creativity to help where they never thought they could. I would forgo days of no news if the media would rock my world with their help.

Politics have caused gridlock among the agencies and among the citizens. Look at capitol hill. Nothing is getting done besides more laws and infighting. Creativity is our freedom but you would not know it.

I am just sick because we have not learned from our history or even our movies. Those action /world destruction movies have a lot of good human spirit in them. We love to see that we can be heros in chaos but when it meets us what do we do? Become sub-human.

Hard words but needed. It is time to hear the call to get creative. Let's change our world now.