Zimbabwe ...

Horizon

I received an emergency letter from Horizon. Zimbabwe is in crisis and the government is cutting limbs and destroying people's homes. The orphans and their caretakers are in danger. Please pray and surround these kids and their caretakers with promises from God's Word. The letter was long and I am just giving you bare facts. Simple prayers are very powerful at the feet of the Almighty God. These are troubling times. Just turn on the world news. South Africa where my girl is located is in danger of unrest too. Fight back with God's Promises. Don't let it get you down...

Mat 19:14 But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

Psa 82:3 Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy.

perfumed ...

Peonies are blooming! There are two 'bushes' of them left from a tenant that has moved on so I have adopted these beauties. One 'bush' is pink and the other is a deep burgundy. I have one of each in my home and every so often I can smell them. I took 3 in a short little mason jar for work to sit on my desk. They just amaze me. They are little round balls of petals and before your very eyes they unfurl into big puff of petals. Though they are not my favorite flower, I have come to enjoy them every Memorial Day. Love the flower your with?

what is honor?

I know of a man of God who has faced many scoffers and yet he is still upbeat. Many that have been in his position before have fallen in a depression or felt immobile and unable to do much. Some were men of God. I do have to admit that my eyes are more keen today than when I was younger and only have this world's history books to go by. Yet, I stand amazed by this man's courage to face a country who has the all time low approval rating for him.

Peel back this earthly layer and see this man surrounded by prayer warriors and see God's Almighty Hand resting upon his shoulder and there you will that this man keeps about him an inner calm provided only by the Hand of God. There is no arrogance only a positive outlook which the media faults him on. I see it that he has successfully casted out all scoffers from him mind and continues on to fight the good fight. He has kept this nation from a harm more deadly and fierce than just a couple countries who hate us and disclaim the existence of Israel because when they state that Israel isn't a country they discredit that God even exist!

Here I wax on so let me get straight to the point. Where is our respect and honor? Does it lie upon what we feel? Does it relate to opinion polls? Should you let hollywood or the media or some star tell you what honor is? How do you show respect and honor? It is lofty or is it lowly? It is too grand or should it be simple and pure?

Proverbs 20:28
Love and faithfulness keep a king safe; through love his throne is made secure.


Proverbs 21:1
The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.

Proverbs 25:2
It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.

Proverbs 29:4
By justice a king gives a country stability, but one who is greedy for bribes tears it down.

sheep or pig?

More obedience thoughts:

A lamb who has fallen into mud works hard to get out. A pig who has fallen into mud finds it home and is contented. The same goes with God's children, they fight to get out whereas the children of this world enjoy their mud.

I have recorded here before that obedience brings blessing and disobedience brings punishment. I must add that obedience says 'I love You, God.' Disobedience says 'I despise You, God. See this in King David's sin -> II Sam 12:1-12!

Freedom Rock ...

I just happened to hear about this guy who paints on a rock. Our college had a 'smaller' rock that we would paint on and such. So when I heard about this, my ears perked. I had to see for my own eyes! I love paint and I love a good artist. This guy does an excellent job. What a tribute too!

Being that gas prices are at a $4/gal dollar high, internet surfing is the best way to see this art. They have last years shot up and will have this years soon. It is worth a lonnnnnnng look. This is a good size rock and each angle has a USA patriotic story within.

bubba's blog & bubba's Freedom Rock

what is a scoffer?

scoff |skôf; skäf|

verb [ intrans. ]
speak to someone or about something in a scornfully derisive or mocking way : department officials scoffed at the allegations

noun
an expression of scornful derision.
• archaic an object of ridicule :

DERIVATIVES
scoffer -noun
scoffingly -adverb
ORIGIN Middle English (first used as a noun in the sense [mockery, scorn] ): perhaps of Scandinavian origin.

A scoffer according to the Bible is abomination to men! Proverbs 24:9 Abomination means atrocity, disgrace, horror, obscenity, outrage, evil, crime, monstrosity, anathema, bane, detestation, loathing, hatred, aversion, antipathy, revulsion, repugnance, abhorrence, odium, execration, disgust, horror, hostility. (antonym liking, love.)

In common terms a scoffer is anyone who speaks ill of another or is against the flow. It is extremely important to weed out of your life! How much more plain can the Word of God be? I know that I am sooooo worried about not rocking the boat that maybe I shouldn't be! The scoffers are the ones rocking about and making the mess. Toss them out and you will bail yourself out of danger! Take heart my feeble one!

cast out the scoffer!!

two footing it ...

I stopped by my parents on Thursday to pick up something and there peeking around the corner was precious Lucia. She is soooo cute. My niece is in the crawling stage and is so smiley. It is amazing to look into the younger generation and see parts of yourself. It moves your heart.

She has finally figured out the crawling but she much rather be walking instead. She pulls herself up, holds your hands and away she goes. This is more fun for her. Very interesting. Ethen, her cousin, never did crawl. He bypassed the stage and was two footing it. Amazing that crawling is not the in thing to do in our family!

A big lesson here! Something maybe this auntie will be able to impart upon these special gifts. If ever there is a tear in the eye or a pain in the heart my child, you never where into crawling. No, you were made for walking so walk tall!

about work ...

After struggling with what is important about my work, I made a list of three things:

1. TEAMWORK - picture the ox yoke

2. Focus on your job well done - picture the race horse running for the prize with blinders on - no distractions!

3. Atmosphere & Attitude - empowering not souring

cast out the scoffers ...

Cast out the scoffers and contention will leave;
yes, strife and reproach will cease.
Proverbs 22:10

I love how God's word just burst forth in a new and deeper way. Yesterday I was fuming over scoffers at work. Oh, I was stamping my foot and throwing a temper inside. I just wanted to put them in their place. A co-worker was talking about another co-worker to me and while doing so was trying to 'teach' me the rules according to her. Her lousy mini-boss made a snide comment over a plan my mini-boss put on them. I was livid. I huge pet peeve for me is the lack of teamwork. Anyway knowing my thoughts where going to bring me down, I tried very hard not hash over the erks of the day. I tried filling my mind with song. Then I happened upon this verse.

I may not be able to kindly say a word to shut them up or it just might not be the right way to reflect Jesus. But I can cast out the scoffers by not allowing them to start in on their reproaching. I don't like walking away when people are talking but I just might have to make a rule for myself to walk away when they start to bad mouth others. I might not be able to escape the snide comments that seem to blurt out when I least except it but I can ignore it and mentally go to this verse or burst out into song inside my brain. Would it be wrong to answer a rude comment by saying ' O, I didn't just hear what you said' and walk out? Probably isn't being kind.

No matter. Just having this verse pop out at me today gave me the confidence that I was on the right track. Oh, if it where so easy to forget underhanded remarks.

fencing ...

''suffer the little children to come unto Me''

cc:
* neighborhood kids spilling outside the box

sx:
* little kids stealing flowers
* tweenies & teens loitering

hx:
* bad parenting - no 'fencing'

dx:
kids need:
* need love (time)
* need adult attention
* need someone to listen to them

rx:
* blast long hair music out the window for their enjoyment
Hey, if they are going to spill outside their box and into mine, it won't hurt them any to listen to 'old' music.
* go out and sit in 'my patch' of yard and observe - take notes!
* ask questions about their dreams and their life - it is being a good neighbor!
* pray for them
* jot down outdoor games & maybe see if they would be up to some - constructive!!!!
* BE WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE
* be a student
* reflect Jesus Christ
* be creative, joyful, and use quiet leadership

Parenting's top priority is to teach obedience and nothing else. When teaching obedience, you must teach as well as model obedience quickly, sweetly, and completely. No questions. Stress that obedience brings blessing and disobedience brings punishment. The reason obedience is top priority is because you are teaching and modeling the ultimate relationship with God. If you honor God by your obedience to Him, this relationship spills out into all other relationships.

Note to the questions part:
Asking questions comes later and you must stress that questions cannot be one word questions. Make them use a full sentence question. Also do not allow them to ask why. Why is always about the past and other questions will help them process learning and grow in the moment and propel them into the future. Teaches them to get unstuck.

Fencing is really a way to live life freely. You know the limits and strange as it sounds you are free. Try living the earth's concept of 'free' and you will find that sin and especially the guilt becomes like chains and weights. It is bondage! It is an endless cycle of sin and punishment over and over. Be the parent and fence!

brain, seedlings, & wedding plans ...

* I enjoy the creative brain in the morning. It is most productive with proactive solutions. I celebrate the flow so much that my morning preparations slow and I have to remember my work day awaits me.

* I enjoy watching the baby corn seedlings pop up through the dark earth. Little green sprouts in rows as far as you can see is a bright simple, slow but sure hope for the frantic feeding frenzy of the global markets.

* I enjoy hearing about wedding plans that are coming together and completed for a co-worker. I especially enjoy the house info and updates as I try to formulate a painting gift uniquely fitted for her and her new life.

stealing flowers ...

Back in the 70's when we lived in a trailer park, we had the run of the hood. Rules where important. We did not enter the other yards unless they were friends. We rode our bikes all over the place but on the roads only. One day a boy picked raspberries on from some one's bush. The neighbor contacted the mother and the boy was punished. The boy took the punishment and didn't do it again.

Today I live in low income housing apartment. The building I live in has no kids but most of the other buildings have kids. These kids have no respect of place and run wild. The bigger kids resort to nasty wrestling that looks painful. The littler kids are stealing and destroying the flowers along our building. This latter continual incident makes me livid. Then to top it off one of the bigger kids used disrespectful language towards a female adult.

I have reported the flower stealing to the manager but of course that isn't going very far. I have talked to a couple of the little ankle bitters but they have more little tots around that didn't get the message. There is one who has been told and has a look about her that whatever you say will not sink in.

I am not a leader and quite timid. I am one who does not have kids because early on I knew I could not deal with children in the way they should be. Plus, I was raised 2 generations behind the one I was in and I would end up raising my own children about 4 to 6 generations behind the generation they were in. There is no team to back me up either.

I feel very badly. I feel that I should begin some planting group for these pee wees. By teaching them the process of flowers then maybe they would have respect for other's. Maybe if their flowers where picked and destroyed, they would be more conscious of others. However, whatever I do will be throw back in my face. I much rather get that condo I fell in love with last fall. There I could be alone with my flowers and herbs but here I am quaking in anger over stolen flowers and the frustration I have over not being so good at leading...

Just this summer gang signs are gratified on the trash dumpster and on the brick of an apartment building. I know I am not in the best of places. Maybe it is time to move on...

Or maybe staying, I can use my questions and my joy as strength... Maybe by teaching flowers, the Creator could be seen ...

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16

mom told me not to ...

"You want to see a baby squirrel?"

Mom is pointing to a tree where there in a hole is a little squirrel coming in and out quickly. It is like his mama told him to stay put inside the comfort of home. But the squirrel is so excited about the new morning and all the new things to check out. He keeps darting back into the hole. He is afraid and curious at the same time! Loved it except no camera to keep this memory. Bummer!

a wasted day ...

''A day is a waste if you don't fall into a heap of laughter.''
~Lucy Swindoll

Being funny isn't a strength of mine so I will not beat myself up for not being able to be a riot. I also live an alone type of lifestyle so there is no audience to perfect my funny. I do have my laughable moments like playing Pictionary. I do have a strength that I do instead of being bent over squirting tears hysterics.

My day isn't a waste if I can enjoy. A warm smile spreads across my face and that is just enough for me. I like to make a list of the little God-touches in my life and the little things that I have enjoyed in the moment or through out the day in prayer. It is pouring pure sunshine.

"A day is a waste if you don't burst into smiles over the God-touches and God-moments"

pressing toward the mark ...

I was convicted by a simple verse and I wonder why I didn't get it before or sooner. Maybe it came at the right time. I have travelled this far in getting over the past so as I have extracted myself from it maybe this will hurl me into the moment. So here is to forgetting my x memories even though they were very precious to me, to forgetting the pain of abandonment, and to forgetting my anger and frustration. Here is to reaching forward to lessons learned and lived, to reaching for Joy of the Lord, my Strength, and to reaching forward to my passions and dreams. I press toward what God has created within me and has designed for my life. I have a high calling straight from God and I need to keep that front and center.

I am sooooo tired of seeking out, listening and cheering at the feet of others for their dreams and passions. No one is there listening to mine. So suppose I choose to seek out, listen, and cheer for my own passions and dreams? I use to get so sad and angst when I listened to a dream of another and they would just give up! So I won't be able to tolerate it in my own life! Hmmmm, imagine ... isn't an adventure about living in the moment?

It is forgetting worry, stress, and fear but remembering the Works of God. What good has He moved in my life? Didn't He say He would see it to completion and perfection? Suppose I remember all the Good Gifts He has provided? Surely, remembering the Blessings helps in the forgetting of what lies behind.

... forgetting what lies behind and reaching for what lies ahead, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:13-14

much better ...

I had a coughing fit Sunday morning in church. I could not stop and I was trying to keep it quiet. I couldn't breath. Tears where pouring. Nose was running. Here I was with my whole body rocking and sucking on a second cough drop to boot. Needless to say, I have either cracked a rib or really pull a muscle. It is difficult to sit or lie down comfortably. I will not be going to the doctor to just to be put through a run around. I did it for the last time when Bobby, my sweet pupinator, who pounce straight on my chest bone over the heart. I was in so much pain and the doctor made me go get an x-ray to find out a muscle tightened up and wasn't going to relax anytime soon. I much rather put up with the pain than to get a run around and an empty pocket.

I am finishing up the antibiotic tomorrow morning. I do feel better. I was anxious to restart my weights. Now I will wait because when I go about my normal day, I catch myself stressing the rib.

My mind is back to multitasking and I am not so tired. I am not as hungry so I can't wait to get the to med free! Not that I want to be hungry but I want my system to be back on track.

Happy Mother's day!!!!

A mother is someone who can take the place of everyone else,
but no one in the world can take her place.

I have a Mother who has stepped in and has been the Friend that never leaves. I am old enough to value her time with me. I can't seem to attract those who will stay. I can't seem to attract those who believe in me. Yet, I am the richest girl because for all those areas of connection and commitment that I crave for, my Mother has stepped in and has been there for me.

I have been trying to bring my strengths out. I long to bring my passion into what I do for a living. I know that every time I share a personal writing of mine, my Mother is delighted and excited. I can tell in her eyes that she would love to see me surrounded in my 'babies'/ books. After sharing some of tears with her, I have decided to supplement my Mother's day gift with a book that I have written! My concept is a child's book. I would love to draw in some wonderful pictures that I have floating in my head but I really lack in the human form. It is a story about my birth and the gift of tulips my Daddy gave my Mommy in my honor. It is deep yet I hope I've kept the childlike wonder in it. It is just words inked on small papers to be tied up in a ribbon. I am anxious for her reaction...

I love my Mom.

the cough ...

I am feeling much better after hitting a very low point on Thursday. I have actually slept very well last night for the first time in a week and a half. Last Friday night I had no sleep and this past Wednesday no sleep until 3am. Pretty rough when trying to work. The cough has been torture with a throat on fire. I am very glad to report that the fire has gone out but the cough is in the embarrassing mode. The cough is continuous one after another. Tears come and the choking sounds begin. Hot sweat and grasping for breath makes for a folly and when it is in your favorite store to boot. HIDE!

barely the surface ...

Dear Heavenly Father,
I love You because You are there, a constant. You never waiver. You are Healing Physician. I am feeling low. Each day my throat has a new hurt. I know the medicine is healing it because I notice the slight changes. The cough is dry and hard. ARgh! It has been a long time since I have felt this bad. I can't seem to sleep solid because I need to breathe or the cough tears me awake.

I do seek a peace. I seek to survive the work week. I want to feel better!!!!!!! I know it will take time and You will be with me each step. Even if I can't talk, I can talk silently with You. Even if my thoughts are more slow and barely surfacing do to just getting through the next step, You understand my need to speak on screen or paper. You hold my dreams. I miss my deep thoughts!! But there is time to be in the moment in a simple shade and not the multicolored rainbow. I have a story I want to come alive... for a gift. Help! It isn't holding me.... You are a Perfect Author. Flow through my pen...

I love You. Thank You for loving me first and holding me close.
~always yours

it is so small ...

Wasn't sure what to write about and it could be due to the flucold I am battling. I did give in and took cough medicine. I did much better sleeping. But I struggling with the breathing part and when the med wore off, I just coughed and coughed. Now that I tidied up with a shower, my cough settled down. I feel maybe a bit better.

I saw this quote and decided that I would comment:

Nobody sees a flower really; it is so small.
We haven't time, and to see takes time
- like to have a friend takes time.
~Georgia O'Keeffe

Wow! Seems very pessimistic and unfortunately very true. You know the word friend has end in it. Why bother? I am sure we bother because of selfish means. I know I want some acceptance, approval, and a witness to my achievements. Don't we all? And don't we want someone around in the worse of times and not just the best?

I have Mom who is sick too. I've been chatting with her and in our dried up scratchy throats and feeling the pain together. However, living on my own I have no one to care for my ills. To be honest I was never babied when I was at home. It wasn't that Mom didn't love us. She did and she was there with an aspirin and hey, wash up - you will be feel better. I am not sure how she 'taught' us to be decent to live with even if you don't feel good, but she did. I wouldn't know what to ask for if I did have a living companion wanting to alleviate the down time. (Key being the companion wanting!) I did mighty well at being my own doctor tyvm! Besides finding over-the-counter meds to tackle what the throat w/o sugar, I make fruit smoothies for lunch and a excellent chicken, egg-drop, and barley soup for supper. Very yummy not only for the tummy but the throat is happy too.

Time. It is all about taking a time out for the important people in your life. Can you be the one to just chill in someone's down time? What happens if another wants to be babied? I know I couldn't. I had a roommate who had to be babied! I spent all my moments at the library! She wanted me to get her this and that when the this and that were in the bathroom one step from her bed! Hmm, what does that say about taking the time for someone? Oh dear.

It is so small or is it?

my grandpa L ...

From Thursday flu like systems to just having a throat on fire, not sleeping, and just a bit warm, I have no energy. I do have a small list of things to get done. I am keeping on top of the dishes and have swept the floor. I do plan on doing a load of wash. Fingers crossed! The other major project is for my mom for mother's day. She wants a shutterfly book of her parents. A big task! There are very few pictures and finding the pack pictures of my grandma as private nurse to a circus person is being allusive.

This set of my grandparents have been gone a long while. I do not know my grandpa because he died a year after I was born. However, I was his favorite and I love personal stories. Grandpa L was a boiler maker and he worked on the Battleship New Jersey and the USS Missouri. Before that he worked on a railway and before that drove a grocery truck around town. His parents died when he was still at home. They did in a horse carriage accident over a bridge in a storm. Grandpa L married his first wife who died while in childbirth of my Aunt Janet. Then Grandpa L married my grandma. I have the chest of drawers that he refurnished and strengthen with steel for my mom. He loved his caps and cigars. A famously funny that my mom loves to tell is how Grandpa L liked to take care of his cars. He made sure they were spotless. One day while on a drive, he decides to spit out the window. Well, the spotless window was super clean and was rolled up. My mom got into a bit of trouble for laughing at her daddy's mishap on the window!

Thought I would drop a few lines before I go off to shutterfly...

confrontation s.o.s ...

I admitted that one of my biggest weaknesses is CONFRONTATION and it just so happens that I heard a radio speaker talk about this issue. I of course was all ears to the point I was very excited and could not wait to hear the second installment the next day. The speaker is Tim Downs. (He is an author but when I went to google him there was another author Tim Downs whose books looked like novels. I don't think I found the right Tim Downs.) The bold print are Tim's thoughts...

You get into the most trouble in marriage in what is NOT said.
Wow! In most of my relationships I tread so carefully and keep things to myself. I don't say what I want to say. Often I find it good to be slow in speaking. Plus, it seems I get into more trouble when I finally do get the nerve up and say something. I even try to be good and kind. Doesn't matter. It is usually the deal breaker.

Man turns all emotions he doesn't understand into the one emotion he does know quite well -> ANGER!
Wow! Great insight! This makes it easier to understand man better. Being afraid of anger and knowing down deep about the need of outside help at times to tip the steam on the pressure cooker so that you don't explode all over others, I wonder how to make this work. I will tuck it back in my heart for later. I did have a conversation with x about anger and needing a mate to understand just will help tip the steam.... but never got to explore it with him. In fact the last thing I know about x was that he was dealing with anger....

God's Anger protests evil and protects Good.
Ooo, I like this picture! Simple and right on.

Divorce comes from the residue of the bitterness and resentment and anger.
I have residue buildup in my relationship with little bro because he forgot my birthday. It has already been a month. Sure, I know he is suppppppppppppppper busy but it sure makes me feel worthless. I have mulled it over and over wondering how to approach him on this. No matter how I try to it, I see him exploding all over. I hate high frequency pitches.

Depression can be the extreme form of anger.
I don't think it can be, I know it for sure. My melancholy came from not being able to use my voice and not being seen to have a brain. I had a joy epiphany and I had a relationship that I could really think aloud with another. But when that person got tired of my endless thoughts, I found a huge relief in writing in this little piece of space. I just don't look at the visitor count! I keep reminding myself that this is ultimately me sharing my God conversations and mental battles. God is paying attention whether or not any one else cares or not.

Ephs 4:15 = Loving confrontation - 'speaking truth in love'
Truth is the contents but love is the packaging. Become a packing expert.
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out this. I have a beef about little bro forgetting my birthday and wonder how to package this. I kept coming up with him ending up exploding. Not good. At this point I had to wait for the next day for the speaker to finish. Maybe I will have more tips to make a loving confrontation.

97% of conflict ends up as it started.
Hmmm, never noticed that. I will have to observe it. When you are in it, there is too much going on to catch it. I shall try to begin softly.

Men are more quick to run when they are angry.
Oh, just great!

list for before you begin:
1. check motivation - (is it love, understanding, repair?)
2. check attitude
3. check timing, pressure, place

Rules for during:
1. pray asking for wisdom - touch - pull up a third chair for God
2. focus on one thing/issue at a time
3. focus on the problem and behavior not the person or the character.
4. stick to specifics - never use never or always
5. men prefer words whereas women use the nonverbal for relationship clues
6. focus on understanding

End Game: apology and forgiveness
apology -> feel regret, take responsibility/own it, remedy
forgiveness ->humility, eagerness, grace
Picture the two as the apology as a box you put the issue in and forgiveness as the top you cover it with.

I did need to be reminded that men uses words and not what is going on around the words. Tim gave an excellent visual. He described it as a man coming home to his wife on the floor in the pool of blood asking what is wrong. She says 'I'm fine' in a sarcastic voice not believing the question! He wonders latter why she is so cold. He took her at her word.

Ahhh, I guess I am afraid of what I would say, how much I say, and if he could handle it all and still love and cherish me anyways. It seems there is such a disadvantage!

Funny how I owned up to my weakness of confrontation and help came my way. What you seek you shall find. Still a mystery but one I am willing to try. I am tired of losing out no matter what I do. It does seem I lose if I keep quiet or if I speak. So I will attack my how and make it better.

'Prayer: America's Strength & Shield ...

The LORD is my strength and my shield; 

my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: 

therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; 

and with my song will I praise him. 

Psalms 28:7

To be able to use your faith in the political process, to put all your hope in God even when the earth trembles and shakes, to still keep the JOY when everyone seems to attack, to keep up the fight in protecting the foundation that America was built on, I will keep rejoicing...

Thank You, Heavenly God for GWB. He has been sorely attacked from all sides yet he still keeps going. There is no sadness or depression. He keeps Your Word close and it is evident. I have been the one to struggle as I see the enemies fiery darts hone in on the him. However, I find great comfort in the Psalms especially the ones that King David has pinned. When certain little kings make splashes on the world front and against Your people, Psalms 83 is great solace.

Thank You, Lord for America. Being established upon Your Word gives us a great assignment to keep the faith. We have failed and our standing in You is slipping not because the Rock can be moved - NEVER, but because we have failed to stay behind Your Strength and Shield.

Thank You for loving me and never leaving me alone. I struggle as I try to find my dreams. I am strengthen by Your Word and I rejoice. May I contribute my best for YOU.

May 1st - Day of Prayer

finally caught by the bug ...

I have tried and tried to keep the bug at bay but the throat is scratchy and a dry cough is being more persistent. Called Mom. She is down. She had it two weeks ago and took an antibody but with our niece getting the green crud, good ol grandma got it again! The little bro's fam is just recycling the bug over and over the past two months. ARgh! I can't really take cough syrup as it has sugar/ high fructose syrup in it. So I am waiting to take it when the cough gets to bad for me to sleep.

I have downed orange juice, grape juice, and prune juice. I have gargled with salt water and will gargle with peroxide and wash the ears out with H2O2 before retiring for the night. Two aspirins went down the hatch for the sore throat. Soooooo, we shall see what the morning brings...

humiliation in a king's presence ....

Do not exalt yourself in the king's presence,
and do not claim a place among great men;
it is better for him to say to you, "Come up here,"
than for him to humiliate you before a nobleman.
~Proverbs 25:6

Put this verse in the context of relationships. Have you found yourself in a 'friendship' where you cannot go to with ease and acceptance? Do you find yourself fearing the outcome of trying too hard to keep a relationship going? Do you find yourself avoiding the hurt you feel inflicted upon you by a friend? Do you find that you cannot rectify or seek forgiveness so that you can do better?

Relationships should not ever be in the king and mere commoner mode or it isn't a real connection. There is a placement in the presence of the king and it is NOT near the ear!

When seeking a friendship, pay close attention to your placement. Are you allowed into their inner sanctum? Even here be very aware. You may get close their dreams and passions but watch and see if there is something he won't share or if there are 'rooms' he won't let you enter. It is wise and test him on this. (1 Thess 5:21) Hold to what is good and good riddance to what is fishy! This is valuable knowledge to protect your own deep waters. (Prov 4:23)

May this be STRONG counsel in accepting marriage! Don't ever think it will change. You want another mere commoner who is your condiment and team player in your 'bed' than to be bedded in the finest kingly robes of fear of a king's whims. You being at a king's mercy is unstable because with fear comes loathing...

the fear elephant ...

From the "Gift of Fear" a statement has haunted me. 'What you don't bring to your conscious will turn into your fate.' This is talking about fear intuition. I had an example play out in my life.

I had someone in my life who would come and go. At the beginning it was ok but then it showed up as a habit. I had this fear that he would go away and never come back. We had a such a connection that I wanted to continue at full tilt. I wanted to be able to see him and connect and have him do so with me. This fear is greatly intensified because water and land keeps us apart but hey, we are in the gadget age where space is small. It can be done. I had no fear. I knew what I was willing to give.

But the fear that he would go away and never come back came true. No matter how much I tried to reconnect, no matter if I made apologies, no matter if I guessed what went wrong, no matter if I gave him the benefit of the doubt, good bye is forever. I saw him yesterday and I simply said hi. No response and a few minutes later he was gone.

I had the fear and I never pushed it because I was afraid that I would push him to leave early. So what do you gain if you bring that fear larking in the back forward? It is his choice to leave. I guess the only thing about confronting his leaving would be projecting it back on him so that I would be free. Maybe I might have gotten an understanding why he leaves so that I could close the door on him once and for all.

I get hung up on the spiritual connection we had. It was like being able to have a language in common in a world where your language is foreign. I have never had such a connection before and I am so weak to think that God is bigger and can give it back to me in an extreme that would blow me away.

So how do I do with these nagging fears into the conscious and not run from it? Can I be encouraging so to bypass the confrontation part and still bring the elephant into the room? I will have to fall back on 'Quiet Leadership' technique and ask the questions so that they do the thinking and hard labor. Isn't this their little issue? So why am I allowing their muck as a fear in my life?

satisfying toil ...

I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil--this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
Ecclesiastes 3:10-14

I am huge about dreams and passions. I encourage others to share their dreams and passions because they just light up. I know without a doubt that our dreams and passions are what God has put into us to contribute to the world. It is a gift of God.

However, as I look inwards I have not been moving my own dreams and passions into fruition. I complain about the 'wheel' instead of doing. Well, now I am making steps to make juice of my dreams! I want to write. I am a thinker and I like to share that outwardly on the page. I never knew I was smart! Even now without much encouraging feedback, I doubt. So instead of allowing the enemy to take my passions, I will be God-Confident on His Words....

weaknesses ...

I am in my weakness when it comes to numbers or math. I do not remember number sequences and it is difficult to do calculation problems in my head. I must need paper and pen to make sense of abstract. Please don't ramble off a series of numbers like a price or a telephone number! Go slow and put a rhythm to it so I can write it down. I am totally visual and numbers just begin to blur. I must see it in the concrete! Yes, I know Accounts Payable is totally math and that is what is bringing home to the dough. No wonder I have a hard time getting out of bed and feel like I am on a wheel I can't get off of.

I have poor group skills. I am at my best one on one like mentoring or in a team. A team is different than a group because a team is one for all - all for one whereas a group has a lot of interaction from all sides. It is more of a fight for your turf or go away. I am shy and that I can't go against it. Shy works with intrapersonal and team skills. With poor group skills I have a great weakness with speaking off the cuff. I don't have a speech impediment but sometimes a label like that fits. My brain goes faster than my tongue and then the brain starts going back around trying to keep all the points and try to listen. I am most certain that I cannot do all of that at one time and make sense!

I am at my weakest in confrontation situations. I seriously melt. Because of this melt down, I tend to beat around the bush or avoid 'issues' at all costs. I become afraid to be my purest self - me @ pure 8 yo. Sorry x. Guess I learned this too late to be totally honest with x. Even now trying to say what I should have said and pinned x to the wall, I doubt I could because I don't like walk-aways. I loathe abandonment. I loathe game play and 'having to be right' in a fight. I like understanding and working out. I would rather us both win by each of looking out for each other. Oh, to have someone to be stable and secure making me feel safe to be me and allowing me to stretch and grow together...

here are my weaknesses...

strengths ...

I am in my strength when I can bring out my thoughts onto paper. I get this excited feeling when I can exhale. I love being able to learn new things and then simplifying them. It is my way of mentoring. I love words so much that I have favorites and not so favorites. Even though I studied to become an English teacher, I am not hung up on being a perfectionist. I am not the best at speaking, but when I am asked a question I make it simple for them to understand. I am also tenacious enough to keep trying to find a way for them to understand. I would rather have them find success in learning something new for them than for them to have perfect grammar or spelling.

I love language and accents. I am always listening for the differences of the Brits and Aussies - even the South Africans make it hard to tell what land they come from. Accents and language is a history lesson of that person. Also listening to some one's story or how they learn intrigue me. It is exciting! Empathy is a strength for me even though it can be weighty. I strive for balance so that I can still be filled by it.

Creativity and color is something I could not live without. I find learning and expression in it. Even without acceptable resources I try to organize things. Even though I might find it hard press to say organization is my strength, it does feed my creativity. It makes me feel free. I have limited space and I like to surround myself with small things. So if being able to organize and de-clutter a limited space maybe one day I must might graduate to a bigger small space that would better suit my writing and craft fetish.

I love pictures, visuals, and word pictures. I learn best this way. Hard to forget when a picture is engraved in my brain. When I am writing I love to create my own word pictures. That way I can remember a moment that took my breathe away. With any story I can pick up on motifs and symbolism quickly and love to use it in things I write. I love to take it to real life and listen for motifs in some one's own story. Our lives are always about patterns and the full circle affect. It is about getting a person or getting a lesson learned and connecting to my own life.

I love maps because it is visual. I love reading them and going there. I describe my learning process as maps. It starts out with stick lines and each time I visit it fleshes out becoming more and more. It is connecting the dots. I use mapping in my life to start a project or to clarify what I am learning to better grasp the thing I want to keep. I like the bare bones of a concept or an issue. It makes it easy. I like to share maps with others. I will not tell you directions with just words. Give me a piece of paper and a pen. Again it is pictures! I just know you will get my directions if it is on paper than just my words floating around in your head. It is concrete! Maps excite me.

I feed on encouragement. Tell me that I am doing a good job and I will bend over backwards to do better. Encouragement stirs up the happy. It gives me the extra push. I like encouraging others. Encouraging someone means I have to listen for their dreams and their passions. This is important for me to identify because I loathe confrontation and have always had an issue with criticism. I know the need to take care of the discomforts of a relationship but I hate fighting. I would rather 'fight' for a working and winning solution for both parties not to tear down others or to be tore down myself. I am a team player and encouraging allows for the best of you and I.

Here are my strengths...

a lot is cast ...

... whether a birthday forgotten by a sibling, or a friend's abandonment with no explanation, or no one seeing a s.o.s, or a blatant walk over by someone who makes you feel like second-class. To let anger arise inside you will only miss place the power. Sure you may feel disappointed especially with loved ones, but God's Power always trumps any lot cast by a mere human. God's Strengh trumps any disregard, mistreatment, and disappointment. Letting God work that darken lot cast into your lap will bring you much good. He is the Bearer of Good Gifts and anything bad He makes it good. He does not waste our pain or tears. So no more allowing the enemy to be a thief. Protect your joy of the Lord. It is your strength.

Proverbs 16:33
The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.

Romans 8:35-39
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

nim's island ..

I rate this movie a 9.8. It is a movie that is caught between a children's and a chick flick.

It is a lovely story about a girl who loves an adventure character, Alex Rover and the author who created this adventure character, Alex Rover and how the girl and author meet. Very funny that Nim the young girl pictures Alex Rover like her dad but more rugged and the author Alexandria has made this rugged adventurer to play out a life that she is afraid to live. I will stop here because you must see and enjoy it for yourself.

You will feel very engaged with this movie because there are a lot of fun moments and moments that you are cheering on the young girl. There are animals in this movie that are part of the circle of characters and they steal the show at times! I was amazed at these animals! I would love to get behind the scenes to see how they did it!!!

It is about a father's love for his daughter. It is about an author who is seeking love and adventure even though she is soooo stuck. It is about a daughter's fierce love and protection of her father. It is a must see!!!

5.4 ...

It is earrrrrly morning. The sun isn't even up. My bed is moving side to side waking me up. My foggy brain is already thinking. It can't be the trains that I live near. The glass is clinking and it is going on for ions! I am just lying in bed enjoying I must say this power shift! Nothing broken or mussed up. The brain was smiling thinking 'wow, what power God has!'. Clicked on the time, registering the moment and rolled over to snatch a few more zzz's...

No, I do not live in California! No, I was miles and miles from the center, Salem Il. I was sound asleep in the northern most part of the state next to it. It will be the talk for sure around the kitchen tables and water coolers. Totally wild!! Oh, I gotta call my gf who lives muuuuuuch closer to the quake!!! See, what her and her fam felt! It is something to share...

5.4 quake rocks Illinios

game q&a ...

What do you think about when someone evokes their faith into the game?
The first thing I think of is 'how' you play the game and if you are going to bring your faith into the game, you have to ask yourself a very basic question: Are you using God or are you being used by God? You answer this question in your speech and action.

Can you win the game by evoking your faith?
Tricky question. I think most of the time the answer would be no only because you tend to see the shady players win or the people who are very open about their religion fall very badly in the game. However, I think a believer has a 50/50 chance of winning the game even if it seems like the context of the game is pitting two opposing masters ($$$ vs. God) against each other.

Proverbs 16:11&33
'Honest weights and scales are the Lord's; all the weights in the bag are His work.'
The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.'
So it does not matter who has the power or who is on the outs. It does not even matter who your alliances are or who your enemies are. The decision no matter for the good or bad works out just perfect. You may have problems seeing how it works out at this time and you just might think I am crazy! But we are talking about two different concepts yet one has dominion over the other whether it makes sense or not.

Can you play the game and keep your faith and morals?
This type of game is about relationships. Relationships are about communication. Communication is 7% verbal and 93% behavior. Life is about relationships. In life you keep your faith and morals everyday by walking with God and loving Him by obedience to His Love Letter. The game is no different because just like life the game is about relationships too. It all goes back to the question: Are you using God or are you allowing God to use you?

game {n}

no value ...

Me thinks a depressed state has come over me again. This time around it feels different. Anger isn't in the mixed just pure dejection. I feel more like a zombie. I still have my dreams but because there has been a no or even a wait, I have nothing to live for. There is no motivation to organize my home or even write. It does amaze me that I do put words down and maybe complete a glass for someone, but it is oh, well. I think it has to do with what is in the future. I know it is not helpful so I avoid thinking down the road.

It is a battle of knowing I am fearfully and wonderfully made, knowing God has a purpose for me and yet wondering what it could be. It is a battle of knowing I am not alone because God is Ever-Constant and is One who I can lean on only and always. It is knowing too that I feel very alone. I also get frustrated when others do come around and waste on me. It is a battle and words of those around me won't really help. It is a battle between me and God.

Hmm, I better be truthful. There is a anger over the no/wait. What purpose is there me to fight? If I could just give up and lean! {signing smile}

Ladybugs for Lucia ...

My niece is having a birthday in June. Her first. Little bro is thinking a theme of ladybugs would be nice. They asked if a local craft store had ladybug invitations. I said not but I could make some up if they couldn't find anything. Secretly I thought I would pick up some ideas or at the very least a foam ladybug to ink with to help spur ideas. However what I found was more than I could have imagined.

I spied a print with flowers and 6 ladybugs crawling along the stems. Each red bug sported a white daisy flower with a black center. O so cute. I put it back and walked away recalling it in my mind so I could remember it especially if I wanted to paint them. I walked back, peered again, looked at the price, noticed the 60% off, and walked away. I checked out the stickers and grab a pack. Found a ladybug foam pack that would make nice prints if we needed to make our own. Went back to the print. I realized that I had to get because this print will look very cool dressed in a shabby chic weathered cream white frame in her cheery yellow room. I then went up to the $1 bins where you can get lucky at times. I certainly found more than I bargained for! I found a pack of ladybug note cards. I searched for another pack giving her parents to option to invite more than just 8. Found another pack! Hope they can keep it to 16! I topped it off with some note pads and a ribbon all covered in ladybugs - oh, not forgetting - two ladybug magnets!

I was so tickled in ladybugs! I came home and inked up a brown bag with ladybugs and stashed the goodies inside. I cannot wait to give them the loot!!! Guess it is good to be an aunt.

wild horses ...

Ahhh, spring ruffled up the horses that I get to see on my way to and from work. They were running instead of the grazing I see them do so often. And to watch a horse run is a magnificent thing to watch. I think I could watch them run all day. Or maybe it is the want inside to ride a running horse bare back - to feel the wind rush over me - to feel the strength carry me -

Ahh, to be lost on a wild horse...

made for this ...

dear sis,
" I struggle with what God could call us to. Financial struggle/hardship. "
your little bro

dear little bro,
Yes, you are made for hardship! All your good bits are getting refined, purified, strengthened! All those other bits are falling off because you don't need them. Proverbs 17:3 - 'The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the hearts.' God is Master of the storm. Stop striving! Be in His Peace.

Do you realise that you will not have one hardship but multiple ones? And most likely that one hardship could be a hardship that come back over and over again. Proverbs 24:16 - 'For a righteous man may fall 7 times and rise again, but the wicked shall fall by calamity.' They are out. This blew me away at how much God gives us in resiliency.

Take a look at the Taylor girls in Mistaken Identities. One girl died and the other lived but their identities got switched. These two christian families are probably wondering why the mix up happened and still have no answer. I too was wondering what purpose God has in this. I can only say that we are clay pots with a treasure inside. These unexplainable moments are for the Message to get out. How we behave is our transportation mode of getting the Message out. I was beside myself with 'wowness' as one father explained that he "loved mercy" and quoted the verse explaining why he said no to the lawyer wanting him to sue the driver. The other father answered O's question to how he could endure this by saying that they had a relationship with Jesus Christ. I was shouting!!!!! Remember that in your clay pot is a Treasure inside - an unshakable HOPE that this world does not understand but harbors a need for. Hold to the Rock that is higher than you.

So all I can say to hardships is that we are in Holy Mud. It is a sacred time. The enemy is a thief. He steals your joy. He wants you grumpy to take your love away from your dear wife and child. He wants your emotions so wasted that you lash out at your pets. You have no good thing without God. So do not let the enemy steal away your delight over all that is precious in your life. Keep the Strong Man at your door. I won't put the words here. So here is your assignment. Go read Matthew 12:29-30 and connect the dots of your life to this verse.

Remember Thomas the doubter? Jesus never reamed him out for not having enough faith. Jesus showed us Thomas as a reminder that questions will come into our lives. Jesus welcomes the q's but always seek Him and He will answer them in the most wildest ways ever.

This might be the toughest to swallow but a believer's by-product must be joy!!!! I have learned this through my own hardships. You know the one - the one that keeps coming around in circles and hitting me over the head. Yup, loneliness or what I call it - aloneness.

Afraid so, little bro. You are made for this...
Not only are you made for hardship, you are made to delight and savor...
~always your sis

etiquette ...

Could and would in question form should be banned from your emails! No matter if you put a please in there is sounds sooooo harsh! Please would you ... is exactly how it sounds. Start using may I ...

Don't worry. I am always hedging every time I send out an email asking for something. Sometimes I can't find a good way of asking. help!!!

wake me up, birdies!

Ahhhhhh, Spring is here and today being in the low 60*s, I made my first Saturday walk! My final Saturday walk last year was in October! I have a few rules. It must be at least hitting 60*s so I can wear my walking shorts and a tee. I have a multi purpose for these walks and one is to get my vitamin d! (aka: sun on the skin) Yeah, it was a bit chilly but the walking soon warms you up.

We have yet to get that thunderstorm with nitrogen that wakes up the grass and flowers so everything is quite matted and brown. I caught a few people out turning up dry earth over for a more dark brown wet dirt. Others were raking old leaves and twigs to the curb. I did happen to catch a retired couple sunbathing on their back porch. Yes, the man had is cap on with no shirt! Ok, I know some are quite anxious for the warm rays but wow. I know I can't talk. They made me smile. WTG!

The birds were singing. There was no way they were going to hush up. I saw 2 ugly big blackbirds catching their worms. Sorry, our blackbirds aren't as cool as the UK's that do those cool skywaves that I only get to experience vicariously through the TV. I was heading home and I swear I got a whiff of barbecue! No joke! My companion as I rounded a curve was a dry brown oak leaf. I could hear it coming up behind me and then broke ahead flipping head over stem.

What a beautiful walk!

game {n}

Games = a form of play or sport, esp. a competitive one played according to rules and decided by skill, strength, or luck.

I love games. I feel it is a good way for a parent to teach their young a bit about life, relationships, and sportsmanship. It is a way to teach strategy. The strategy part is where one could get into trouble but I am suggesting God-Strategy over strategy for selfish means. Strategy is about the mind and how one can turn things around and see from other angles and proceed forward. The simple games like card or board games or even puzzles help you flex the mind and make it more nimble. {smirks} But this entry isn't about the simple games but rather about the reality games where it is about the complex issues of morals and relationships and your take on 'life' like what is of value to you ...

Let me just put this out there. I have some reality games that I pay attention to but not for sheer entertainment. I having my own battle - I grapple with the issues using God's Word and seeking Him. It is amazing how a situation can prove useful in seeing more clearly a Biblical truth. (proverbs 11:16 - a gracious woman retains honor, but a ruthless man retain riches.) What pulls me in is when a player claims to be a christian. I want them to be that light in clay pots or salt improving flavor and preservation. Most of the time they are slaughtered by others or the media or they ring false. So can you play in a reality game as a born again believer? Or is there that battle of not being able to serve to masters? Which will it be? God or money? But what about Daniel and his companions. They where taken into a land and culture not their own. Daniel and his buddies chose not to eat the food given to the idols. Daniel told those over him to test and see who where stronger by the food they ate. Daniel and his friends where! So can a believer play the reality game and win the money?

I started to make a list to answer my 'what if' questions because I believe strongly that a believer's behavior is the only way to show truthfully Who has changed their heart. Here's my list:

1. Honor God
*With your body, mind, heart and soul, honor God. Be loyal/fear to Him only. Eyes on Him - everything else fades.
*Obedience bring blessing. Disobedience brings punishment.
*"He leads me in paths of right ways for His NAMESAKE. A good name is valued more than riches."

2. Set your mind on things above
*"Whatever is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, good report, virtuous, praiseworthy - think on these things" (phil 4:8)
*What is Eternal?

3. Be choosy with relationships (proverbs 12:26)
*"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (proverbs 4:23)
*honest weights (proverbs 11:1) Use honest weights in how you treat people and pay attention to how others treat others. Are they using honest weights?

4. Let your gentleness be known to all men (phil 4:5)
*"to slander no one, to be peaceable, to be full of courtesy, to walk humbly" (titus 3:2)

5. Test all things. Hold to what is good (I thess 5:21)

To sum up my thoughts in reality games as well as life, there are two kinds of logic playing out - God's Wisdom and man's logic. Therefore, when the world sees a believer play out his life in a different way, it just is absurd. It cannot be explained. A believer's hope lies in the fact that all God-pricking happens in the heart where human eyes cannot see. You must play it God's way. "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. " John 15:4

So is the Believer jumping into the arena? If you were to jump in there would there be a blood sport or would God shut up the lion's mouth? Would you be willing to sacrifice yourself up for another?

I am confident the believer can play the reality game and win hearts for God but the odds are that the believer won't be the last one standing with pockets overflowing UNLESS God's hand deems it otherwise.

I have yet to see this...

renewing ...

'screeeeeeetch' {pulls out the old wooden soapbox}

Well, there is a book out there about 'awakening' and a 'new earth' that is all the rage and hype. Interesting ... Why would I need a book like that when I have God's Word? The Holy Bible is all about renewing the mind and being a new creation where the Creator makes all things new. The new earth will never happen here. A new heaven and a new earth will come after the first heaven and the first earth have passed away. It is a physical sense not a mental one. It is about His Kingdom and His children.

I do not care that the book might have the Scripture in it. False teachers and false prophets love to use God's Word to suit their purpose. Easier to hook you into their thinking. Remember the enemy would love nothing more than to snatch a believer from God's grip. I believe in Eternal Security but it is also up to the believer to make sure the soil is good soil and not stony, shallow, or spoiled.

Recently I have been convicted about self-help books. I do admit that I have an addiction to them. I finally said no more back in 2003. However, I was listening to a speaker show how self-help books are bad because we have taken our focus off God and His Ever-Present Help which means we become god or so we think. Beware! Just another way to be doped by the enemy.

I know the desire to be a better self. I love to learn and I hope that I am better. You've heard it said that you can't change others so stop. You can't change yourself without seeking God. He then allows you to change and it becomes permanent. The emptiness stops. The endless searching stops. He alone can still the raging waters and He alone can still the striving heart. Let Him.

---
Does the book parallel itself with the Bible? Do you feel that this book is a supplemental to the Bible? Do you feel that this author expounds upon the Bible better? Are you being lead to the slaughter?

learning and wheels ...

Took me forty-five minutes to get on blogger and now my time is up! Good grief!!! What is up with that? I really had an outline ready to go but to make a full tirade, I need time to flesh it out. Sooooo, I guess I will write something else like how busy my week is without me being able to do what I want to do!

I am on the wheel again but I don't think I ever got off. I make up lists to do with my weeknights but I find myself numbing out. Then my weekends come and again I find myself bearing checking off the things on my list and numbing out just to keep on the up and up.

My mind is always spinning. I thought I never could do two things at once but guess what? While working numbers my mind is off in the world of words and ideas. That mind is always working - twisting scenarios around like 3D visual and making mental as well as bird scratches in my notebook. I guess human behavior and even more importantly a believer's behavior intrigues me. I have a huge case of wonderment in behavior. It is what learning is all about - right?

With that note, do you ever get tired so tired that you could care less about learning? Can you numb out sooooooo long that learning is no longer an option? Can you really live without learning?

wonder ...

Ravi notes:

Are you seeing with your eyes or through your eyes?
In this day of visuals you better be seeing through your eyes instead of just with. You need to be using your thoughts do you are not duped.

In reality beauty is most pure and delightful. In imagination evil is most alluring!
Wow! Very true. No wonder Proverbs and the NT letters is always reminding us to stay pure. It is hugely noticeable in this day in age! Watch for it!

The older you get takes more and more to fill your heart of WONDER and God is the only One Who is big enough to fill it.
Super true. I lost my wonder and I finally have it back. Yet, as I know this truth, I look forward and know I must always cling to God. I do not want to ever lose this wonder...

Young Bucks ...

This is a book about making child millionaires. I happened to hear the author give three points to promote his book.

1. No allowance
2. Give the child the 'gift of want'
3. Find the child's passion

My initial thought was this is good. I am at a point in my life where I cannot make my passion a go as my profession. If I had this as a child with no fear, I would be doing quite well in loving my work because my passion would be center stage. Then I got to thinking how to do you mix being a creative and making a millionaire with that. A parent must really keep the balance between the two in order not to squash either. A creative's dream can be easily mucked out and just maybe a creative won't ever achieve millionaire status but being successful is the bar to achieve.

I did not have the allowance. I know that I did have the gift of want and would save and save until I got my 10 speed bike. I know I had passions but being from a family of stifled creatives, we did not know how to make our creative ideas profitable. It was something you did on the side.

I wonder how to impart this equation upon my little nieces and nephew.... if I would have a chance to share this with their parents...

setting my mind on things above ...

When it comes to being alone, I just might have stumbled onto my next steps in this journey. By setting my mind on things above instead of setting my mind on the things of earth allows me to think more of the Kingdom and the King instead of striving to have my own castle and king here on earth. {Col 3:2}

I am to be a minister of God in patience and the behavior to do so is by longsuffering and sincere love. There are no restrictions but my own affections. Where are my affections? Ah, here is where I've been suffering. My affections have been here on earth instead of having a sincere love for God. I so want to be content with my journey as God has so designed. {II Cor 6:3-12}

Finally, my noel, my precious gift, farewell. Become complete. Be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in joy ; and the God of love and peace will be with you. {II Cor 13:11} As I send you good wishes, it too belongs to me.

I will continue to whisper these God-Truths every time weary, fear, and frustrations darken my door. This is calling my King to stand in the door. How can anyone enter at strong man's house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man? Then he can rob his house. He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters. {Matthew 12:29-30} The enemy cannot stand against the Rock of Ages. I arrest my case.

Old Man Winter vs. Pixie Spring Girl

I was hoping for a nice sunny day for Friday and I got it! The weatherman had been off all week so there was a chance. Thursday evening ended with big juicy raindrops mixed with fat snowflakes then just fat snowflakes amounting to an inch covering the ground. Believe it or not there was thunder in this too.

I love the month of March mostly because I was born towards the end of it, so I have many memories of budding spring even though my parents tell me about the snow when I was born. Yet my adult years March is more the dance between Old Man Winter and a Pixie Spring Girl. One leads and then the other leads until finally Old Man Winter is totally exhausted and bows out, leaving Pixie Spring Girl have her time in the spotlight. My love for March has changed a bit and that is ok. I love this Winter Spring dance. It allows me to wear my winter clothes before I have to put them away. My hands aren't so cold - just cool to the touch! I can also lighten up on the layers. Always nice to let the skin breathe again. OOOO, can't wait for thongs (feet kind). Opps, getting ahead of myself!

Back to the Winter Spring dance - This time of year is the time of my favorite Winter Spring flower and second to my all time favorite Johnny Jump Up - the crocus!!!! Miss Crocus loves the touches of snow and sun. Totally crazy and I am totally smashed over it all!

can you give to much of yourself to someone?

expectant vs. expectations

My dearest daughter,
Am I not your Designer and Creator? Am I not your Protector and Provider? Didn't you come up with the table epiphany to handle yourself with your relationships? Don't you have a relationship with Me? What is your purpose in having expectations?

Shouldn't you sit up to My table and feel confident that I will provide only the best and finest for you? All you would have to do is show up and be willing to partake. Come to My table expectant that I will provide and care for your needs. Stop with all these little pesky expectations! These harm your journey and harm the character building I am doing within you. There is a difference. Expectant connects you to delight and joy. Expectations pull you under.

I am the Lord and I will not allow your soul to famish. I have assigned you your portion and your cup. The cup in My Word always refers to sorrow but remember I always make good from bad. I never waste your pain or sadness. The boundary lines I have placed around you fall in pleasant places. You have a delightful inheritance {aka: joy}. Use the joy! {Proverbs 10:3 & Psalms 16:5&6}

Number your days in God-Victories, God-Leanings, and God-Presence. Psalms 90 is about the Israelites stumbling around the wilderness. All they could do was mutter. Moses was asking for help in numbering the days the correct way. Don't doubt. Don't be wave tossed about. Your strength is in Me only if you let it. {James 1:6}

So how is your appetite?
~ always your Heavenly Father

what is worse?

Hmmm, an interesting question and one that really pumps up the faith...

What is worse than hardships?
What is worse than persecution?
What is worse than death?

answer: being lost !!!!

What a privilege to stand on the Rock and say 'LOST NO MORE'.

Where do you stand? to behold the Man of Sorrows

numbering my days ...

So teach us to number our days,
That we may gain a heart of wisdom.
~psalms 90:12

Today I will be 14,244.75 days old. I've been feeling pangs of a mid-life crisis coming on or rather just feeling very lethargic about my life. So as I am trying to flame up my life, I noticed Psalms 90 a psalm by Moses. It isn't really a fun passage rather it talks about the bad days. I am still trying to wrap my mind around it all for myself.

Dear Heavenly Father,
As I tackle each day whether it is a good one or a not so good one, I am learning to lean on You every moment. I want a heart of wisdom. To be sage like I think is a wonderful fulfillment of what is possible in me. I am in a haze and I am trying so hard to bring my passions center stage. I am entering days ahead that seem soooooo lonely but I have You. I number Your Presence on my life pages. Thank You for creating me and at times that seems hard to utter. Then I realized that I have let the enemy in. I need to keep You in the doorway. You are my Hiding Place. I am Your creation. I pray to be a vessel, a light, and salt ...
Huge Huggers to You, my Designer and Creator.
~always much love,
your daughter

to behold the Man of Sorrows ...

That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. ~Romans 10:9

What a wonderful day the first Easter morning was but what will complete the picture is when all the believers are resurrected from death to live forever more in the Kingdom. When we shall behold the Man of Sorrows and His wounds He bore for us, no words will express all of the emotions felt in that moment...

What a celebration!

never alone ... Easter's gift

never alone ... Easter's gift

All the radio guys have been talking about Jesus and His last week. I ate it up and my eyes watered at it all. Here are some thoughts that tugged at me.

*Jesus became our sins.
Have you wondered at Nazis and the killing of the Jews? Have you wondered at the rapist? or the child abuser? or wife beater? or murderers? What about the ones who got off and never paid for their sins? Has someone hurt you with their words or their hands? Have you done so to someone else? Jesus took every ugly sin and bore it. He drank the cup given by God the Father with His eyes WIDE OPEN. He became our disgusting sins. To see Jesus in this way is very disturbing! But He had to this for us so that we can live our eternal lives in a pure and holy kingdom.

*God the Father deserted His one and only beloved Son Jesus.
Jesus experienced for the first time God's exclusion. Jesus felt utter loneliness like no other so that we don't have to ever be lonely again! Wow!!! Hmmm, maybe I need to just hush up about my alone journey!!

*The Resurrection is God's AMEN to Jesus' Crucifixion.

not abandoned ... Easter's gift

all in the title ...

I always strongly felt that God made marriage as a gift unfolding for us. As a single girl in want of this gift and having God say no baffles my tiny heart. I could go on and on about my conviction ... but I will just give you some book titles that caught my eye and supports my little conviction. Now I have not read any of these books but just might when I am feeling strong again.

• Sacred Marriage: What if God made marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy.
  
• Sacred Influence: How God uses wives to shape the souls of their husbands.
  
• Sacred Parenting: How raising children shape our souls.
  
• Sacred Pathways: Discover your souls path to God. 
all written by Gary Thomas.

Often I see a title and I don't need to read the book. I start to answer them on my own. So I kinda hate to read the book - afraid that I just might be disappointed.

So are these titles stirring up anything for you?

isolation & selfishness

I have been seeking to be at peace with my alone journey and especially the future. I know that I won't always have my parents and that is a nightmare I don't even want to think about but it creeps in. I think I am trying to finally close the huge cranky door on a very intense and powerful relationship that went belly up. I have made slow and a very torturous progress. I just can't seem to shake this one. What will it take to get over x?

I always find it quite interesting that when I seek, I find little bits. God has that effect on His children when they seek. He keeps lining up finds in twos and threes. I abhor desertion. To my surprise God's Word has something to say about this and I just happened to read it on Tuesday. This is dot one:

A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgement. Proverbs 18:1

Whoa! He is wrong to isolate himself and the conversation before was about me being my 'nude' self instead of 'fattening' myself up to avoid hurt. Interesting to was that he was floored that someone thought he was an angry bloke. Look there in that verse. Rages against all wise judgement sounds like anger to me. Yet as I see his wrong, I also see his pain and his dreams unrealized. I cannot fault him and that makes way for my claw like fingers on his memories. There is warning here for me. I cannot escape. I have watched others take leave of my life. I am down to the bare bones. I am fine at the moment and don't want to develop any 'ships'. However, I cannot avoid the verse. I cannot isolate myself. I must reach out. It is just so tiring to reach out only to get burned for touching a hot stove.

The other dot was came from reading another's blog. 'Sometimes we outgrow people'. It seems to be a universal human experience my mother did not warn me about. Probably because we don't think like that or perhaps because my mother could never hold down a friendship either so it never came up. Wait!! Kudos for my parents for keeping a marriage strong for over 30+ years!!! So our dna is all about sticking to it for life; it NOT about outgrowing others.

I have never thought that my broken 'ships' where because I out grew them! I did have one that I was feeling that we wereN'T going in the same direction. I did have thoughts of relief when she finally dumped me on my birthday. I did have a conversation with x about friendships and he mentioned the outgrowing - that friends have certain life spans. I didn't like the conversation then nor now. What is wrong with growing together? What is wrong with experiencing their lives even if it on the sidelines cheering them through their 'holy mud'? I am not sure I am ready to bury my toughing it out to go along this line of thought.

Watching a program displaying the silent mode of relationships is where I found the third dot. 'As children we are thought to express ourselves. (use your words!!) As adults we just check out.' Why is it that a guy go through a life and death experience only to claim up around his loved ones because they can't possibly know what he went through? How is she ever going to understand and hold him up in this battle? Remember Moses had two men helping hold his rod up for the Israelites to win in battle. Well, beats me. x checked out. Why only makes one stay in the past.

So I have these three dots. They seem connected. I feel that dot one was the most important and that dot two and three were merely underlines drawing the eye back to the power of isolation and what it will do to your very soul! You became a raging selfish black hole.

seasons of friendship

Apple Classifieds ...

::: W A N T E D :::
an apple guru who can mentor an advance novice! with her iMac and downloading issues. All I have owned is Apple and I need to maximize my knowledge. I have struggled and thought I was on my way last night only to have an error -4960. I have broken my Appleworks. ITunes won't work because I can't update to 10.4.11. I have searched the web and have come up short. I am off to reload OS X and cleaning off system 9. I am afraid, very afraid. I don't want to lose everything! I need help!

the enemy companion ...

I decided to take a time out before bed to read God's Love Letter. Feeling desperate and tears coming, I needed to climb into God's Strong Arms to feel safe and loved. In Psalms 55 there is a feeling recorded there. There was no telling me what to do or how to feel. It was perfect to know that God hears and understands what I feel.

King David is describing the enemy and how he is trouble, how he hides, how he depends on God. Then in the middle of it David is describing a different kind of enemy. This new one was once a verrrrrry close friend! He feels betrayed. He can't seem to grasp it. But an enemy is an enemy and King David puts his trust in the One and Only - God.

companion enemy:
12) If an enemy were insulting me,
I could endure it;
if a foe were raising himself against me,
I could hide from him.

13) But it is you, a man like myself,
my companion, my close friend,

14) with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
as we walked with the throng at the house of God.

20) My companion attacks his friends;
he violates his covenant.

21) His speech is smooth as butter,
yet war is in his heart;
his words are more soothing than oil,
yet they are drawn swords.

the Ultimate Companion
17) Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
and He hears my voice.

18) He ransoms me unharmed
from the battle waged against me,
even though many oppose me.

22) Cast your cares on the LORD
and He will sustain you;
He will never let the righteous fall.

My enemy companion is a believer. He has deserted me. His voice captured in emails and memories is smooth. I believed we had sweet fellowship together and with our God. Yet the battle rages within me. God knows how I feel and He pulls me close. He knows that I feel like my feelings have been jerked around. Why come in and leave? Trust and faith have been questioned. But God will ransom me unharmed!!! He does not waste my tears, my frustrations, my pain, nor my sadness. He works all things for good even the ugly, He creates good. I still care about x. I don't think ill of him when I am strong (quirkysmirk!). What of that?

God is good to me. My feelings, my sweat, and tears - He heard them all and recorded them. He gently wipes my tears and hugs me close. AMEN!

a March beauty ...

Winter is going and Spring is coming. It is the middle march of seasons. There are still crusty snow piles in parking lots all over town. The one behind my jeep is still there so I am backing out of my parking space on edge so that I don't back into other cars. The sun has been out the last three days. The snow not lucky enough to be in a pile is gone and instead is the yellow brown grass. It doesn't seem usual if my memory serves me correctly. In the past it seems that there is a bit of green mixed in and not such a harsh dead color. Wednesday after fueling up (too numb to shed tears - might as well just stuff 50 dollar bills into the tank!), I had my jeep washed. Woo hoo, amazing to see the brillant Patriot blue shine through again! But to top that, when I parked for the day at my place last night, my eyes stopped in their tracks. I was captured by the pale purple white crocuses blooming along side the apartment house!!!! I looked to see if the black truck was parked. Shucks! The man neighbor is home. I can't take a pix of the endearing flower; they sit in front of his closed blinds.

Ahhhhhhh, crocuses - a March beauty!

to rid a clinger ...

Guess I will try to recreate a lost blog entry...

If you are a male in need of getting rid of some girl that has taken a shine to you and you have been NICE to her and seemed to have shared great a great friendship, DO NOT JUST VANISH! Be mean and make her hate you. It is the kindest thing you could ever do for her. By making her hate you, you have allowed her to get rid of you quicker and on to her life. But noooooo you think you are being nice by just pooof goooone. What you are really doing is allowing you to stay in her life. All those good memories put up a real hard fight against your disappearance. The girl makes all kinds of excuses for you. It does not matter even if she has finally stopped obsessing over you, there are those moments that she still gives you credit over herself. You probably think that is just fine that you still look good in character when you should be classified as a monster and a bounty on your head for being a deserter.

If you are a girl in need of ridding yourself from a guy who has deserted you for no obvious reason, GET MAD. Stop being nice to him and be kind to yourself. He has told you that you are not good enough for him by not being man enough to face you. Translate that to the real equation: He is not good enough for you! He is not what you want. You want someone to say hello and STAY!!!!!!!!! He is a toxic clinger not you! So you are all alone. Horizons look bleak. Purge the old. Now is the time to be who you want to be. Make a list and start seeking this out before God.

prayer gift ...

All I had to offer was prayer. It was your birthday but I have no access to your life. From what I can tell is that you have shut down all means of approach. Latest word is to stop blocking the blessing. I have gone quiet ... outwardly. Privately the battle still seems to rage on. Will I ever give up and get on?

If prayer is as powerful as what God's Word says it is then why am I waffling? Prayer moves mountains. Prayer comforts a sad soul. Prayer brings joy. Prayer is a moving strength of confidence. Am I doubting that my prayer can move accross lands and seas to reach someone I once knew? Am I doubting that x would feel prayer wrapping around him? Am I doubting that x would go about his day unfazed by a feeling that someone is praying for him? Am I doubting that I can pray without selfish motive? Am I doubting that prayer can change me?

I do struggle with prayer. I pray to God every day. To others I am talking to myself. I have no other who listens and no other who can see what I cannot see. I find prayer a great help with my work. But often in my dreams and passions, I struggle with prayer. Why do I cry when I am praying? Why do I find grief? Is it because I am seeking my own will even though I try sooooo hard to seek God's? It is alright to have tears over people but for myself?

Will I get to know if x had a day that he could not explain other than someone prayed for him?

as for me ...

Making God the apple of my eye via Psalms 17:8 made me go read the whole chapter. What really struck me was Psalms 17:14-15. It is a difficult read when you are reading through the NKJV so I went over to the NIV. At the beginning of verse 14 seems to be a hiccup that even trying to compare the versions didn't seem to iron out. However, I could not shake the feeling I had.

The underlying feeling is that you are looking at God's children whose bellys are full with His hidden treasure and to the point that this treasure overflows unto the children's children. But in the NIV verse 15 you see one who is on the outside looking in at those who are blessed with family. This one feels single and without the abudance of family and fullness.

O LORD, ... You still the hunger of those you cherish;
And whose belly You fill with Your hidden treasure.
They are satisfied with children,
And leave the rest of their possession for their babes.
As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness;
I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.
~Psalms 17:14-15 mostly NKJV with a tiny bit of NIV

I fell in love with verse 15 because that is where I am in my life. Stuck here forever it seems. I don't want to be happy with this because I want more. I want a teamship. I am afraid that if I settle in, I will be this way forever and there will be no companionship. The better part of me says to be content and take on verse 15 as my theme. It does not matter. Keep the faith! No doubts...

*swallows - lump still stuck in throat / heart & soul bent on singing verse 15* One way or the other the lump stays or will be pushed out...

tech bytes ...

Breathe......

I am just out of sorts and frustrated with dial up and trying to get the updated downloaded for my operating system. (Tiger, hear me roar!) It takes hours and just when it is almost finished, the connection drops and I am left with no download. I tried a different way thinking that I could download it bits at a time but noooooo, it will not be working out this way.

I have no iTunes and I managed to break my Appleworks to add to my mess. I am so tired of trying to keep connected so I can write and do some creative things online. I want so badly to make this work so I spend less time on the problems and get to being creative......

While I am having a splish splash in my pity pool, ticks me off to have made a blog entry last saturday as I pushed the publish button - poof Safari shut down. When I got back onto my little place, the entry did not save nor where there any drafts saved in my posts. What good is autosave if it doesn't work?

One last thing - I have made a notch on my virtual front steps in hopes to find a good, knowledgable, and very patient apple friend. No bytes there... bummer. Maybe I will have to break down and beg for some poor chap or chapette to help. Opps tooooooo neeeeedy. Crossing that off the list. I will mutter through and survive...

my heart is steadfast ...

To best way to describe the Psalms would be they are quite simply each a painting depicting a time in your life. I have gone on about Psalms 18. Now I am going to show you the art of Psalms 57.

It is your darkest night. Monsters and beasts are everywhere. In the midst of it you are sheltered by the Almighty Refuge. All you have to do is call and He is there. What I love about it is that in the that dark the author is humming a tune and it gets louder until he awakes the dawn with his passion and love of his Shelter! It is like an explosion of light!

When I was reading it I couldn't help but love verse 7 & 8:

My heart is steadfast, O God,
my heart is steadfast;
I will sing and make music.

Awake, my soul!
Awake, harp and lyre!
I will awaken the dawn.

Being in a place where I need to harness my thoughts and not trudge through memories, I need this song to sing. And to think about awakening the dawn? I am so not a morning person. Of late the dull headaches, an erge to upchuck, and cotton lodged in my throat, mornings just don't suit me. I am fighting the sickness around me so mornings are even more of the need to shut the world out by pulling covers over my head and snuggling in for more zzz's. Tired is a 'night'. Memories are a 'night'. My heart needs to remain strong. My heart needs God, my Refuge. So I will sing and I will grow louder to shut down the night.

my heart is steadfast!!!!

quickly, sweetly, completely ...

I was listening to a speaker talk about what he learned from McDonald's playland in disciplining children. He had a phrase that spoke to the adult in me! Do you obey quickly, sweetly, and completely? Oh, that is one thing we never outgrow! All through our lives, we have choices. Do we do it God's way or our way? But, it does not stop there... it is how we obey - how we do it God's way!

I feel a moving in my heart to make God smile. This is a best way to do so...

So what do I do when He asks me to wait? arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! I am sooooo lame. I trudge through muddled thoughts, cry myself to sleep only to wake with a cry-hangover, and devise self-plans that go awry. Why can't I just stop striving and let Him? A better question is what would happen if I stopped striving, stopped trudging through the past, stopped crying myself to sleep, and stop with the question and answers over what I cannot get back or change? What would happen if I started enjoying my alone journey and put my hand in His?

Not only would He be smiling, but so would I!

obedience

the table test ...

I have to admit that I am quite a misfit and carry a tad bit of anger about boys and the games they play on us girls. I would really like to get over this because I think it is the next thing I am to learn about the relationships between the sexes. I don't think I will get much of an audience or much of a conversation calling it boy games. Plus, it isn't the kind of language to use if I really want to get this.

I moved my mind back to what I believe relationships are and then maybe I can make a better map as I move out. I believe relationships are best pictured as tables. A relationship is whatever you bring to the table. Yes, you maybe hiding things under the table or you just might be hiding out on fancy chocolate in your cupboard and there is no way you will be sharing at the table, but you can only work with what is brought to the table. So they bring junk food or toxic food, it does not mean you sit down to eat it. You choose to get up and not partake.

I will not use aloof or running away when it comes to guys and their advances. I will say that you must test them on everything they say. Make them toe the line and do not let them get away with anything. If they say they are going to do something like call or txt or email etc, let them do it. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE pursue it. If they fail, they fail and you move on. If they engage, you can and should engage back especially if you like them. Always go about it as a test. You deserve to be treated as a beauty that God has made because you are. That means they should respect you and not play with your heart.

Being a beauty, you should be treated with pure thought and pure motive. That means you should never allow him to talk to you in a sexual matter. Be strict. Any little crass talk or even wanting a photo can lead you right through the mud. This is trash and you do not eat trash. Be as pure as you can be.

In my past I was criticized for being too aloof. I did not know how to change. I think it most helpful and would have kept me more safe and strong in my faith if someone could have discribed how to handle boys with a table picture. You cannot hold guys at arms length. You do have to some interaction and yes, there will be missteps and heartbreak. It might even take years and a ton to tests to find the him, but hey, I deserve the best after all this is a life time commitment for me. One. Not two or three. Not settling here.

A parting picture: He is the cook and the picnic packer. You are the invited. See what he has brought. This dinner you can be as picky as you like. Be very observant. He is telling you about himself with what he is offering to you or hiding from you. Is he looking out for your happiness, your health, and your passions/dreams? This is a table test. Test everything and hold to what is good... I Thessalonians 5:21

joy vs sad

Of late I have had a mental discussion with myself over which has top importance in a believer's life, love or joy. I know love is the first commandment but I think it fails when I put it into my life. To me Joy is key to my love. How can I love with out the energy of Joy that seems to give me to keep going?

Today listening to Ravi he made a statement that encouraged my thoughts. He said that Joy is fundamental in a believer's life as sadness is fundatental to an unbeliever's life. How true!!!!

In my teens and twenties I was a mess. I had sadness even though I was saved around the age of 5. I was not in love with God and I was struggling to have Joy. Until God reached down into my life and set me back, I would have never known how Joy can change my life. It is the one thing that really drawns out my concern in saved loved ones who struggle with their sadness.

See, when the world looks at a believer they should know them as being and having an unexplainable happiness. Being a believer and knowing you should be a happy lot and you just don't feel it makes it real difficult to grow.

Joy is a lesson between you and God and it is about enjoying as well. You will have to figure it out but when you do, your life will no longer be the same.

The first step is stop striving and letting God free in your life. Second step is letting go and enjoying God and His Handiwork whether it is His creations or His work in your life.... Next steps are His to write out in your story...