precious gift ...

(note: I don't know if I really should share something so private so publicly. I sent this twice in the past two weeks. No response. I am sharing this so fragile in your open hands....)

Dearest ~N~,

f   a   c   t   s
The water heater was old and you are in need of a new one.  After the new one was installed, you realized you are in need of a new shower head as the old one was so calcified that it would not move and now the water pressure is wimpy.  You buy a new shower head with 5 pressure settings.  A real treat.

f   e   e   l   i   n   g
The shampoo is a better grade than the old stuff you were using.  It leaves your hair with a shine and smoothness of butterfly wings.  You turn the shower head to massage.  The hard pressure feels good on your head as you feel the shampoo rinse out.  You become mesmerized.  Then you allow the your spine in on the water massage.

You reluctantly shut off the water and towel off with biggest and fluffiest blue towel you have.  The rough shag of cotton from your bathrobe envelopes your clean skin with a whiff of citrus.  You smile as you pad your way to the kitchen in your bare feet.

Set before you is a feast for your eyes as well as your tiggr tummy.  Sitting down and grabbing your fork and knife, you close your eyes and lean in for a big sniff.  Pleasure bursts upon your face.  Opening your eyes you attack your juicy steak and take your first bite.  Perfect and just the way you like it.  Lying next to the steak is steamed bright colored veggies and white rice.  A great combination of flavors.  In a bubble blue margarita glass is crushed ice, freshly squeezed mango juice, and sparkling water.  A very light refreshing taste.  To finish the perfect meal you have to have the perfect dessert.  Lemon meringue.  A simple fluff sure to melt ever so softly on your tongue.  You leave table with a very happy tummy not too heavy and not too light.

You grab your company’s hand and head for your couch.  You let yourself purr like good ol tiggr as fingers find their way through your scalp.  Her words are tentative and soft as they begin to massage your soul.

t   a   s   t   e
“I was in the christian bookstore looking for a special book I wanted to own when I stumble across a name book.  Yes, I would think if you own a name book why would you need to open up another, but I had to make sure they included my favorite names and that they kept them the same.  A contented sigh escaped me as I found your name right where it belonged.  Yes, I know it means the ‘Birthday of the Lord’ and ‘Christmas’ but there was an additional meaning, 'Precious Gift’.  My face beamed.  Ahh, how appreciate!  Jesus is the most Precious Gift and what an honor to be named ~N~.

Remember when we met?  Yes, a bit unusual but that is what made it for me.  A chat room of all places.  After the conversation, I was hungry for more.  Was it Mel Gibson and ‘The Patriot’?  No, rather it was the way you talked that I knew  the next night I would have to ask if you were a believer.  I remember vividly giving God a huge thank You as I crawled into bed after signing off.  I thought of you as a gift, precious and just right.

In 2004 I sent you a birthday gift.  You wrote in great detail your opening of the gift so well that I was there with you.  I saw you on the park bench near the post office greedily opening the package.  Pulling out the painting on the circle tile, your hand felt the paint.  I kept that e-mail along with all the others, but this one is held close to my heart.  Why?  because in all the descriptive words you used about this gift, was and is exactly how I feel about you.

You are a Precious Gift to me.  I was hungry and thirsty for what we had.  I don’t have enough of you.  I crave more memories even though the ones I do have are cherished.  They are like old love letters creased and worn.  Ahh, the ‘house’ ... probably one of my favorite conversations.... but then there was the ‘~n~nip’ ... liked that one.  You had called after you couldn’t sleep....  It is so easy for me to slip away into my memories...  I am one gingerly and greedily unwrapping you and ravenous for each conversation and for each hearty laughter of yours.  I care not how I must look to others!

~N~, I so strongly believe in the power of our names.  God knew your name before your parents even got together.  He was the One who designed and named you.  He has a very uncanny way of connecting that name to your life journey.  Look back over your life.  Did you not crave to be touched?  Aren’t gifts to be handled?  Don’t you wish for someone to unwrap you and love your insides?  Hasn’t this been your struggle and journey all these years?

Because you are a Precious Gift, there is a flip side.  Gifts are offered and can’t be taken back or they are no gift at all.  This tires you as you feel spent and used.  Isn’t it because you aren’t used to being accepted as you are?  Don’t you wish to be selfish and stop all the demand of giving?  Don’t you feel the crush of all the need and simply wish to be?  All apart of this unique journey of yours.  It is a balance you are figuring out as you go.

Mr ~N~, you are a Precious Gift not only greatly love by the Almighty but those around you like your children and me.  Not only are you filled to the brim with all good things manly, strong, and a bit of gooey goodness, you are enough when you are simply present.  Much like an M&M simply melting away in my mouth as I get lost in the taste.

I am filled with anticipation to see what your future unwraps for you.  The best is yet to come and I want to be present in your future.  Good Gifts are God’s specialty.  You proved it.  I am committed to unwrapping and simply enjoying you, a Precious Gift not for a day but for eternity.  I am committed to cover you in prayer daily.  I am committed to focused attention for you life is valuable.  I am committed to touching you.”

~ always treasured and greatly valued
keeper©

covenant blessings : for RS

reroute!

When the Sovereign God brings us to nothing, it is to reroute our lives, not to end them. Human perspective says, ''Aha, you've lost this, you've lost that. You've cause this, you've cause that. You've ruined this, you've ruined that. But God says, ''No. No. It's time to reroute your life. Now's the time to start anew!''
fr: 'Beside Blessings' by Charles Swindoll

The steps of a man
is established by the Lord.
& He delights in his way.
~Ps37:23

Dearest Sovereign God,
It is most difficult to let go especially when I so felt You in this relationship I am losing. I know more of lost & not having more than what I wish for. In my feeble understanding, it doesn't feeling like rerouting or someing new, rather feels like the same 'ol.

I will not give up on the precious gift of Joy and Love You have given me. I will immerse myself in language, paint, and anything creative. I will practise my love and become fluent in all five languages. I am refocusing again on Trusting You and doing good. I am continuing to dwell in You and feed on Your Faithfulness. I will delight in You and through it all my heart is Your Hands.

Thank You for not leaving me. Thank You for walking with me. Thank You for taking my little hand in Your Almight Hand.
~your scared little girl

Spurgeon : All in all

thoughts on communication ...

*Ever notice how people do not listen? I am a receptionest by day and I find it totally amazing when I have people chatter away and then say 'hello?' because they have never had someone be quiet listening to them.

*Communication begins with respect. You will never get anywhere with demands or plain rudeness. You must always keep your tone of voice in check.

*Quiet attentiveness is a must with listening
Attention must be vocal whether you are speak or are just plain present.
Neglect and withholding your presence is abuse.

Communication within the family is like the body's circulatory system. When we stop listening to each other, it's as though the family suffers a stroke. We become disabled. Certain members no longer respond to other members.
- fr: "It Takes Two to Tango" by Gary & Norma Smalley

to care or not to care ...

It was plain to her ears. Was it audible or just a whisper? No matter, it was clear and amazing how the heart took to it. ' If you don't care, it won't hurt so much. ' See, there is was again.

All that hard work making chocolate chip cookies warm and gooy. The smell was so intoxicating. She wrapped them up in a new tin ready to make a delivery. Wrapping her coat around her and sliding on her mittens she was ready to make her walk in the frosty cool day to her good friend's home.

She knocked on the door and was greeted with a hello, come in. Handing over her treasured baked goodies, her friend just slid them on the table with out a thank you or remark. How weird was that? No, how rude and painful! She felt as slighted as if her friend had taken a bite to the cookie just to have spit out in distaste.

Yeah, better not to care so much in her pursuit of creativity and giving or is that giving into the lack of enjoying the small things of life?

the All in all ...

Heb 12:2 Looking unto Jesus.

It is ever the Holy Spirit's work to turn our eyes away from self to Jesus; but Satan's work is just the opposite of this, for he is constantly trying to make us regard ourselves instead of Christ. He insinuates, "Your sins are too great for pardon; you have no faith; you do not repent enough; you will never be able to continue to the end; you have not the joy of His children; you have such a wavering hold of Jesus." All these are thoughts about self, and we shall never find comfort or assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our eyes entirely away from self: He tells us that we are nothing, but that "Christ is all in all."

Remember, therefore, it is not thy hold of Christ that saves thee - it is Christ; it is not thy joy in Christ that saves thee - it is Christ; it is not even faith in Christ, though that be the instrument - it is Christ's blood and merits; therefore, look not so much to thy hand with which thou art grasping Christ, as to Christ; look not to thy hope, but to Jesus, the source of thy hope; look not to thy faith, but to Jesus, the author and finisher of thy faith. We shall never find happiness by looking at our prayers, our doings, or our feelings; it is what Jesus is, not what we are, that gives rest to the soul.

If we would at once overcome Satan and have peace with God, it must be by "looking unto Jesus." Keep thine eye simply on Him; let His death, His sufferings, His merits, His glories, His intercession, be fresh upon thy mind; when thou wakest in the morning look to Him; when thou liest down at night look to Him. Oh! let not thy hopes or fears come between thee and Jesus; follow hard after Him, and He will never fail thee. Mornings & Evenings by Charles Spurgeon

"My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus's blood and righteousness:
I dare not trust the sweetest frame, But wholly lean on Jesus's name."

Spurgeon: garden place made for one

loftiest heights ...

Have you been hearing about the dead zone on Mt Everest where there are dead bodies littering the way? It is said they leave them there because to carry them down would mean to risk your own survival. Hmmm, interesting ... My thoughts can't help but go to our marines motto 'to leave no man behind ....

The story doesn't end there. A group of climbers went up. A blind climber dies and they leave his body. On the way down an another climber, an Australian, is left for dead. They knew he was dead because they poked his eye and no reaction. They even relayed his death to his wife and sons. Another climber on his way up saw that the Australian was disorientated and very much alive. The reporters have pressed and pressed this guy why he would save this climber and forsake his climb to the top. I'm sorry but here on the ground where I have plenty of good oxygen, seems such a silly question. It is the climbers that have forsaken the near dying that need to be strung up.

We attain our loftiest heights
when we reach down
to lift another.

to perservere?

Feeling like I am falling apart, I wish for still waters. James 1 keeps coming back nudging me to ask for Wisdom and stop doubting Him or my growth. I do want to be angry and in the same breath I don't want this rage. I must not forget all that I have learned. I must go back to my favorite verse.
Trust in the Lord & do good.
Dwell in the Lord & feed on His Faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord
&
He will take care of your heart.
~Ps 37:3&4
... look full in His Wonderful Face & things of earth with fade away ...

where did all the friends go?

AMERICANS' CIRCLE OF CLOSE FRIENDS SHRINKING
Americans are more socially isolated than they were 20 years ago, separated by work, commuting and the single life, researchers reported on Friday. fr: cnn's quick news

heavenly lights ...

Every good and perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of the Heavenly Lights,
Who does not change like shifting shadows.
~james 1:17
This verse has been on my mind a lot lately. See I met this guy 5 summers ago. I remember clearly going to bed that night with thanksgiving on my lips to my Heavenly Father for such a wonderful gift in this man. I have collected so many rich memories of him, but he slipped away like a shifting shadow.

I am quite in the Dark about all this. I had figured it my duty to continue my steadfastness in this now one sided relationship. I thought I needed to remain so that he could believe that love is real and that he is allowed to feel real love for himself. I felt that I have had the better childhood. I was the stronger one. Now my strength is spent. I do not believe that I was doing all this on my own. I felt His movement in every connection I made. Now I am just totally dumbfounded.

When he was leaving, I leaned heavy on the Rock of Ages. Huge blessing to know that He does not shift. Now I feel humanly abused and Spiritually bruised.

Oh dear, I said I was going to take a vow of silence on this.... maybe I need to not speak but still need to heal blogstyle by stitching in the gapping seams....

to learn Navajo ...

I love my brain and I would love to keep it in top shape. I heard that the approaching 40 is a time of middle age memory loss or forgetfulness. Yikes! Keeping the brain nimble through learning a language is to safeguard it.

I love words and learning a language has always had an appeal to it. I learned Spanish in school though not at all fluent. I love hearing a certain latin singer sing his love songs; makes my heart weak =). I have taught sign langauge to myself somewhat thought out my life and need to get back to it. Learning and collecting languages makes the understanding of your first language much richer and deeper.

Why Navajo?
First, because I have a great friend from my college days who is Navajo. I have caught her saying a Navajo name with me and it is time to discover her language. Second, American English has millions upon millions of words. If I don't like one word ( happens a lot ) , all I have to do is look up another more suited in that wonderful Thesaurus. However with Navajo, the words are more lean with incompassing depth. Quite different than most languages.

my new plan?
I have a list of verses that I keep close to protect my journey. I want to learn these verses in Sign, Spanish, and Navajo. What better way to keep my mind on Thee?

'second hand stress' (label)

I believe it!!!!!! I was browsing through a mag at mom's and read this article about second hand stress. I was shocked there was a word for it. One thing about labels that I love is that it enables you to name it and deal with it.

Over the years God has been creating me into 'a sensitive'. I do have to be very aware of how bad words effect me but it goes beyond this. It is about being empathic and compassionate when someone else is going through a hardship. When you do, you take up their stress as your own whether you are walking on eggshells or feeling the overload of the burden.

I noticed this whenever 'PreciousGift' began stressing over his job or church or his kids, I began to exprience a lot of angst within my heart and soul. Often I had more hope than he but when he pulls away and shuts me out, I have stress overload. I am iratic, forgetful, and mistake prone. grrr Then you hear me mutter about how my reaction to him needs to be soft.... What an endless cycle!

Stress is what makes you old not only on your outer skin but you begin to toughen up your relationship skin. You aren't soft and supple anymore. This is dangereous.

The cure?
Get away and do something you love! Perfect! I am doing exactly what I should be doing. I am painting. I love the feelings that pop and burst inside. ( i have a piggie bank in the oven dressed in pink flowers ready for the baby shower on wed ... feeling piggly wiggly! )

This is a keeper .. no stressin and no second hand stressin either!

word slueth : meditation

lovemaking ...

Tired of the doing without, I made a life decision to 'Create Passion' in '04. Well, I am back at it. While I practice my writing craft, I find lovemaking in paint strokes I make on glass.

Music fills the air as the glass and I connect. Paints of different colors join up making leaves and flowers sometimes a landscape or maybe just a print of some sort. White brushes stained in the colors of choice spill out making something brighter out of ordinary. Excitement fills my very bones as I perfect a stroke that once eluded me. I marvel at the finished piece drying on the stove waiting to be baked. Colors so shiny dress the glass in party attire.

Sure I get embrassed and I know all the 'mistakes' and happy accidents .. but needing words of affirmations to fill up on love, I love the reviews I get especially the really gooooooood ones.

I just finished a blue unique wine bottle for a request. It will be a birthday gift. It has my version of sweet peas and my favorite fruit, blueberries. I love blue and the colors just pop so nicely on it. It is wearly a bow on its long sleek naked neck. It makes me glow inside and changes the dark clouds into my beautiful sunny monster smile.

broken gift ...

She cried herself to sleep two nights ago. Always happens towards bedtime when talking to God. Her thoughts that have not stoped during the day, rest upon 'PreciousGift'. Tears, frustration, sadness, and anger swirl around her very soul, pitching her down a deep well.

Hot tears boil down her puffy cheeks. Why can't she move on? Why must she torment herself with the memories? She has untied the knots only to find them knotted again. She has made desicions to pack away all the joyous memories way back in the dark corner of the attic only to wake up the next morning tripping on the unwrapped box on the way to fresh brekkie.

Leaning on God and waiting for His moment, she discovered a perfect way to write out a one of a kind blessing using his name and incorporating his favorite things and his favorite ways of touching. She felt so right about it that the time slipped away and before she knew it, bedtime came and went.

She knows it is laying there in his email. She knows he is around; he made a lousy small peep. It is like a slap in the face not only from a human but from the Almighty God Himself. She gets it . She knows that a man is definately not on her needs list as the Heavenly Father has so painfully has not provided. If you lean in and listen, you can hear her mutter to herself about His Providing for all her needs and that all good gifts come from Him. She is consoling a beaten down and puffy broken heart.

She is having a moment. She knows He loves her more deeply than another. She knows He cries with her tears. She knows the Everlasting Arms cradle her close to His Chest. It justs hurts so much. She has been working so hard on love in action and she feels like such a failure. Her favorite quality? Tenacious! She refuses to be anything but resiliant...

. . . . . . . . . . M O R E . . . not l e s s . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

after the rain waves ...

This evening I watched the rains all green and gray pound the drops into the earth and pelt any poor soul out and about. The trees were dancing to a wicked beat while the clouds rather lifeless rolled over head. The wind was eerie and trying to sneak under or around the window. Luckly no hail was added into the mix.

As the rains ran east, things got back to normal. A couple hours later you felt like everything around was set to a rosy golden glow. Looking up into the western sky, the silver lining was visible to the naked eye and it was ablush.

Wow, You are the Master of the Storm!
How Your Glory sets the heavens on fire! There is always those moments when the driving rain blocks my view. I panic. I wonder what happen to You, but it fades away as I stand in awe of Your beauty. How brilliant are Your Works.
~ always seeking refuge from the storm

moment captured : cherry picking & lightening bugs

Happy 1st Birthday, llj!!!

I cannot believe it has been a year since I created lovelifejoy! It begin because 'PreciousGift' wanted to create a blog yet he had his doubts. Somewhere in May I totally losted him, so I began one for us but mostly for me then totally for me. This blog has been a precious gift in its own right.

I needed an outlet to release my pent up words. My fingers work the best with my brain at a keyboard. Here I have grown closer to God and have a quiet peace to still my ache to be heard. I have my favorite pieces where I think I really nailed it. I have discovered new ways to process my thinking. I love capturing moments in time. It is like capturing a lighting bug in a jar for a fleeting moment to play out everytime I visit that moment again.

I have a looooooong way to go. I so want my passions to be my profession some day soon. So as I press on, I will continue to breathe in and exhale... perfecting my craft ...

¡ ¡ ¡ hip hip hooray for love, life, & joy ! ! !

the Lake House ...

WoooooHooooo! An excellent movie. I rate it 12+. It is a well put together romantic chickflick put to the test of time. This movie is written for me. I have been living this for five years now. I am Alex .. waiting, proving ...

comments :
''I don't get it.''

I will have to let my mom answer that for you! I asked her if she knew about was going to happen in the movie to make sure she was prepared. 'Of course, it was on all the talk shows and even the commercials prepared you.' Good girl!!! She got it and loved it.

She had one question though... How did Kate get the dog? You get it that the dog is a stray that adopted Alex and the Lake House but they never showed how this same dog came to be with Kate. That is the brilliant part of this move. The movie isn't over when the credits run. You are still processing the movie long after you leave the theater. As you mull over the movie, you begin to fill in how Kate got her dog. I can't tell you but I can tell you to pay attention to the ending. See this movie allows the viewer to be intelligent.

Before you go you have to realize that Alex is living in 2004 and Kate is living in 2006. Need techinical terms? They are living in parallel times with the mailbox being their portal to each other. Really it is taking you on a journey of what can happen if you found the right one but just can't seem to get the timing right. It asks you what would you do for love? Can you wait? Will you be there? What happens when the timeline messes up and connections fail? Can you believe this can happen in your own life or maybe to that blogger you read?

books ?
I should have been paying more attention to the words at the beginning of the movie. I think it was adapted from a book, but it wasn't titled Lake House. So I will be searching for it. Did anyone catch it?

Within the movie they talk about a book called Pursuation by Jane Austen. It too talks about timing and love. So that will be my next search this Thursday when I go to the library. I can't wait to read it.

final thought :
Mom thought it was too short. She wanted to go see it again. It was at least a good hour and a half. It must be because it was tightly knitted together. I too want to see it again and again! It is a must for my movie library.

movie review: the break up

40 years! Hip Hip Hooray ...

My parents have been married for 40 years!!! Every year they commit to each other has piled on the richest gift ever they could give me!!!

I love you two, bunches
~ love always
the richest daughter in town!!!

garden place made for one ...

I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse.
Song of Solomon 5:1

The heart of the believer is Christ's garden. He bought it with His precious blood, and He enters it and claims it as His own. A garden implies separation. It is not the open common; it is not a wilderness; it is walled around, or hedged in. Would that we could see the wall of separation between the church and the world made broader and stronger. It makes one sad to hear Christians saying, "Well, there is no harm in this; there is no harm in that," thus getting as near to the world as possible. Grace is at a low ebb in that soul which can even raise the question of how far it may go in worldly conformity.

A garden is a place of beauty, it far surpasses the wild uncultivated lands. The genuine Christian must seek to be more excellent in his life than the best moralist, because Christ's garden ought to produce the best flowers in all the world. Even the best is poor compared with Christ's deservings; let us not put Him off with withering and dwarf plants. The rarest, richest, choicest lilies and roses ought to bloom in the place which Jesus calls His own.

The garden is a place of growth. The saints are not to remain undeveloped, always mere buds and blossoms. We should grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Growth should be rapid where Jesus is the Husbandman, and the Holy Spirit the dew from above.

A garden is a place of retirement. So the Lord Jesus Christ would have us reserve our souls as a place in which He can manifest Himself, as He doth not unto the world. O that Christians were more retired, that they kept their hearts more closely shut up for Christ! We often worry and trouble ourselves, like Martha, with much serving, so that we have not the room for Christ that Mary had, and do not sit at His feet as we should. The Lord grant the sweet showers of His grace to water His garden this day. ~Charles Spurgeon

Dearest Husbandman,
Just the other night I cried out to You. I was going on about how marriage is the recreation of the first Garden You created. Oh to be the couple who strive to commune with You in the cool of the evening unafraid of our nakedness. Oh to be the couple unafraid to learn from You and to be taught by You. Oh to be a couple beautiful, willing to grow, and a safe place of retirement!

Tears where because marriage is a distant remote island floating off the horizon. Oh, how You delight to prove me wrong and I am so delighted to be wrong. I can be a garden of beauty in all my aloneness. Yes, You want marriage to be a new garden but it isn't only for couples! You want me. You desire me to be a beautiful garden in full bloom, willing for growth, and a safe place! Thank You for thinking so highly of a single little girl who desires to love more fully. Thank You for Loving me like no other and thank you for taking my rather small love but it is all of my love =)
~ always your little garden

Spurgeon : developing thy graces

territory & husbandman ...

from an IM conversation :
"I believe a woman is a territory," he offered into the discussion of the differences between men and women.

"I see that. I believe a man is a husbandman," she quipped.

The conversation moved on never fleshing out totally.

some thoughts :
It is not good for man to be alone. God made Adam a helper suitable for him. (Gen 2:18)

Hebrew word for helper means completer
-completes him emotionally
-completes him socially
-completes him with family
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
You will eat the fruit of your labor, blessings and prosperity will be yours. Your wife will be a fruitful vine within your house; (Ps 2-3)

Greek word for nurturer means husbandman
-tiller of the soil, a professional gardener
-helps things grow
-provides a greenhouse atmosphere where plants are shielded and protected

For the garden called woman, man the husbandman provides:
-deep seated security
-meaningful conversation
-emotional romantic times
- positive physical touching

Dear Heavenly Husbandman,
I would love to continue with conversation with him but I can't. However, with You I can dive right in and go for the deep stuff. For Your Word makes clear how valuable man is to woman and woman is to man.

I would rather think woman as a garden than territory, but both words are right on. I think he thought it would be offensive to me for him to describe woman as a territory. Rather I got it and believe it so true. I want to provide fruit like grapes ripen and made into vintage wine. Being neglected and alone, I understand my deepest need to bare fruit of blessing and prosperity for my husband.

Today I will be content to be fruitful for my God. He nurtures, loves, and protects me. I will remain content with His Touch.
~ always His garden

cherry picking & lighting bugs ...

Whooooo Wheeee! A blazing hot day it was! No matter how hot you gotta pick cherries now or the birdies will get there share and leave you with none. The frost must have gotten the cherry tree as the only place the cherries hung in their red red dress was the lowest branches. A very nice thing as being a 5'3ish there no need for a ladder this time. I hope I got a bit of sun blush for all my efforts. Sweat was rolling off me like buckets and I wasn't dressed in my oldest finery!

After spending family time for Father's day, this tired and weather beaten girl drove home to the light of the lighting bugs!!! First time this year for their showing!

Good things about summer? cherries and lighting bugs!!!

moment captured : liquid gold