what is anger? what is depression?

Depression is like taking out your soul. The value of your self-worth is nothing. Ask what is out of your control and there you find sources of this grey feeling. You are backed into a corner with no way out and in creeps anger. What is anger? ... being shamed. You never have measured up. You never seem to have enough to cover your needs.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
my Dearest Strong Tower,
Anger was my bedfellow today and I messed up. I am beginning to notice a cycle of where there are days where I just cannot handle too much social stimuli. I am thinking that I need a new stredegy for tomorrow so I can live up to the name You have called me {joyful one}.

I want to walk in Your Light and not run. I want to be quiet and I do not think that is wrong. May my voice be full of Your Kindness. May my smile reflect Your Light. Lord, shield me with Your EverLasting Arms and may their laughter at me fall away.

You are my Safe Place. I can be the real me in Your Presence. You are my Home. You never laugh at me. You call be Beautiful and I blush with healing in my wounds. You still my rage and remove my shame. You get me because You know me intimately as You have created me and filled my heart with dreams. You have given a purpose for my life here on earth. I sing and skip with an abundance of joy bursting in my heart. I am blessed.
~ weary but always yours

Mystery of God...

"My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart & united in Love,
so that they may have the full Riches of Complete Understanding,
in order that they may know the Mystery of God, namely Christ,
in who are hidden all the Treasures of Wisdom & Knowledge."
col 3:2-3 (col 4:3)
* * * * * * * *
Dearest God - my Treasure,
I love the word Mystery. Most people beat themselves up over trying to figure it out, rather You just want us to enjoy the unfolding of Your Wisdom & Knowledge. My thoughts are humble and weak. I am encourage to know You are my Storehouse. You layer my learning in just the right amounts so that I am not overwhelmed or dull out. Thank YOU!
~ always your sheep

game vs journey

played or traveled?
alone or team?
use or learn?

What does life look like to you?

fire vs snowflake

"Maybe he is responding to you the only way he understands. Maybe the other woman relationships like his mother, sisters, etc are like fires and you are just a snowflake. He responds back with fire melting you away. He doesn't see the beauty of the intricate and simple snowflake. Maybe he thinks you demand just like all the others. Maybe he doesn't know how to let a snowflake change him."

a believer's heritage...

... is an inheritance of eternal life, a legacy of risk, a tradition of peace and compassion, a birthright of love, and a custom of trust.

long distance relationships ...

Can they work? A couple of expletives just might give you a precise answer. However, {takes calming breath} LDRs are not for the faint of heart. One must totally understand the anatomy of this kind of give and take.

A LDR is an in depth look at yourself and giving from your heart the honest truth to another who happens to be miles away physically but connected very closely and intimately. It is getting to the mental, emotional, and the spiritual connections. It is about endurance and tenacity. You must be trustworthy and trustgiving. It is so intense that you must be ready or you will fade. It takes work just like any other relationship but it does deeper and results in a sturdy teamwork. Shouldn't all relationships be tested with distance to see how REAL it is? To get the picture of its LONGEVITY?

"Miles mean nothing when you are in love,
& love means everything when you are miles apart."

"Absence diminishes mediocre passions & increases great ones, as the winds extinguishes candles & fan fires."
~ franois la rochefoucauld

"Absence sharpens love. Presence strengthens it." ~ benny franks

thanksgiving thoughts...

1. Voicing your thanksgiving...
"It's good to Praise the Lord
& make music to Your Name, O Most High,
to proclaim Your Love in the morning
& Your Faithfulness at night..."
ps 92:1

"Every Good & Perfect Gift is from Above,
coming down from the Father of the Heavenly Lights,
who does not change like shifting shadows."
james 1-17
2. Living your thanksgiving ... abundantly...
"...just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord,
continue to live in Him, rooted and built upon Him,
strengthened in the Faith as you were taught,
& overflowing with thankfulness.
col2:6
3. Trust { TASTE } !!!!
"O Taste & see that the Lord is Good!
Blessed is the man who trusts
& takes Refuge in Him."
Ps 34:8
4. It is about what we HAVE, not what we don't ...
"Therefore, since we are receiving a Kingdom that cannot be shaken,
let us be thankful,
& so worship God acceptably with reverence & awe,
for our God is a Consuming Fire."
heb 12:28
5. "unseen"
"Therefore we do not lose heart.
Though outwardly we are wasting away,
yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
For our Light & momentary troubles
are achieving for us Eternal Glory
that far outweighs them all.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen.
For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is Eternal.
II cor 4:16-18
fr: sunday 11.27.05 sermon

Winter rainbow!

Driving to grandma's house though the winter wonderland this Thanksgiving day, I noticed the sky closest to the horizon was a wash in thick layers of rainbow colors. The sky was laden with clouds but in the thin spots the sun shone through golden and caught the snow crystals reflecting down a God-Promise ... thank You, Almighty Creator of Beauty...

moments captured: pretty in white

thank offering sacrifice...

"Consider this, you who forget God,
or I will tear you to pieces, with none to rescue;
he who sacrifices thank offerings honers Me,
and he prepars the way
so that I may show him the Salvation of God."
~ ps 50:22-23

Dear Almighty God,
I had made way for gratefulness in my life yet my life still seemed stuck in murkiness. It wasn't until You shocked my life back to the adventure You intended it to be, that I understood Joy. Joy doesn't come in the easy days but the days that are rocky and quite scary.

I saw Your Word here and questioned why thanksgiving would be a sacrifice!?! Sacrifice means offer up of life and treasure; surrender for a purpose. In my humble words sacrifice is a hard thing to do. Why would thanksgiving be hard? shouldn't it be easy? Then I looked back over my journey past.

It is easy to thank You for all the good things that happen in my life everyday, but it is the more difficult to thank You for those painful things You have given me. You have given me a life of singlehood when I would much rather be passionately head over heals in a loving relationship with a soulmate. This is a hard thing to say thank You for...

I dearly love to use shocking words or words that might not match up with the topic. You did it here .. ''I will tear you to pieces'' ... wow!¡ You have me listening. You brought Joy into my life by taking away my means of putting bread on the table. I would not trade this enriching life-lesson. You rescued my murky and dark life then so I look forward ...

I prepare the way by offering thanks for this single adventure. I look to You now as I give up my desire for couplehood and relish the Salvation Love only You can provide.

As I move forward on my adventure I will look at all the hard parts of my life in a way of offering sacrifice, expectant of Your Rescue.
~ your grateful girl

thanksgiving from a gratefulllll heart '05 ...

Looking at family traditions i believe they're really important in strengthening the family, bringing families together. It's like having 'in' jokes among friends or family and these join and unite people together (hopefully in a positive sense). The same is perhaps true with God... He wants us to have special family traditions/rituals, things that are unique to our Family, things that draw us together... ~ Lovely

my blogs - have quieted my restless heart and allowed a deeper walk and a deeper peace with my Lord, Breena & Kent- their lives hung in the balance between earth and Heaven, but God allowed them more life here, the Rock of Ages - He is the same yesturday, today, & tomorrow, Lovely - meeting a fellow traveler who is lovely and captiviting {{Thank You, Heavenly Father}}, Aug Family Night - our family got to know each others dreams in a deeper way ... God was felt, my family - they are my circle, my pupinators!!! - they are love unconditional and they make my day, Ger & Di - They saw the Great I AM provided a job right when their money was not going to cover the bills, ...

Walk the Line ...

I was anxious to see this movie for the love story between June and Johnny. I wanted to see how a woman could be strong enough for herself and for a man bent on destroying himself. I rate this a movie as a 10 ...

characters:
Joaquin Phoniex so engrossed himself into Johnny's character that his side curl of his mouth and his eyes were as though he had become Mr. Cash. If you chosed your eyes, you almost could swear that you were listening to Johnny.

Reese Witherspoon captured June's spirit. The fight that takes to still have others respect you and yet hold out your hand to help another who is lost.

dreams:
I am a dreamer and I believe in affirming the dream and purpose in others. My spirit was a shout'en! I was very hot with anger at Johnny's father. ''The wrong son died'' ... how dare you kill a young child's dream and purpose. Those words haunted Johnny but his dream to be a country singer kept tugging at his heart. It was his first love and one that would carry him through his life, but he always was battling his demons.

belief:
You cannot believe in yourself without a trust that God believes in you. God creates your being and has tucked in your heart dreams and a purpose for your life. You fail yourself, others, and ultimately your God when you have no belief.

Everything falls apart in Johnny's life, but tucked in Johnny's heart was the love of singing. He kept failing his purpose, but God in His Infinate Wisdom sent a human named June to bring belief and faith into a walking dead man. As June along with her father and mother stood their ground protecting Johnny from falling back into the drugs, Johnny began to sober up and realized the strength in belief that God created him and his dreams and had a purpose for his life.

Dear Creator,
Thank You for affirming the dream in me. I know of one in particular who I cry out for over and over to You. I believe in his dreams and his purpose .... Ahhh, You are my Source, my Storehouse of Strength and Wisdom, and You are my Joy. You are my Source of Endurance and Tenacity .... I thought I had an unending supply, but my own has run out. Yours is an Ever-Constant. Thank You for my own dreams and the dreams of those around me. I cherish ....
~ always your little lamb

a movie review: dreamer

pretty in white...

After getting past the black ice at two different intersections, I took in the beauty of the first snow of the season. The Master Creator filled in the fresh canvas with a haze of white. In the east He put a round window of a haze of yellow where Mr. Sun was trying to crash through. The naked trees stood dress in black swaying with the tune of the Wind... As I soaked in this vision, I wonder if I can catch this moment in my apprenticeship of paint....

moment captured: first star

"Treasuring is an Attitude...

"... we carry in our hearts, a conviction we hold deep down inside. It's one big decision that plays itself out in 10,000 little decisions every day of our lives."
~ "It Takes Two to Tango" by Gary & Norma Smalley

the battle over our hearts ...

"The Lord's portion is His people."
- Deut 32:9

Do we not remember that glorious hour when He carried our hearts by storm? When He placed His Cross against the wall, and scaled our ramparts, planting on our strongholds the blood-red flag of His Omnipotent Mercy? Yes, we are, indeed, the conquered captives of His Omnipotent Love. Thus chosen, purchased, and subdued, the rights of our Divine Possessor are inalienable: we rejoice that we never can be our own; and we desire, day by day, to do His Will, and to show forth His Glory. ~ Spurgeon

Dearest Divine Possessor,
I am so glad that I am Your portion. You choose little ol' me! I love the part where You took my heart by storm with Your Everlasting Arms! If You hadn't come for me, I would still be out in those violent waves beaten and sucked under to the utter depths of the sea! My heart and soul sing of delight of You. You are all I need .... what a respondsability to be needed.....
~ always Your treasured potion

Spurgeon: tried faith

God's day...

All life systems are measured by / \ / \ / \. There is a time for work and a time for play, a time to inhale and a time to exhale. The rhythem of life is busy - rest - busy - rest not just busy, busy, busy.

Our outrageously busy life kills our soul that seeks rest. Remember the Lord who rescued you from enslavement.
~ fr: today's sermon

I'm going to carve out a better sabbath for God. It is my delight and savor day.

Isa 58:13-14

NEED

A woman has this feeling of need that seems to be always lurking in her world. She feels the need to be beautiful or she will be discarded. She feels the need to be protected or the wicked and sly will leave her raped and violated. She feels the need to connect and matter or her mind, heart, and soul will shivel up. She feels the need to matter or she will die of inattention.

This earth says she is too needy so she keeps hiding all her yearnings. Her tears in the darkness are her food and drink. She runs Home to her Maker and Husband (Isa 54:5). His Everlasting Arms welcome her. He whispers, "I AM ALL you NEED."

A man does not feel need because he does not want to feel less of a man. He conquers and takes over his place of profession or he is less of a man. He conquers and takes women or he is less than a man. He conquers and takes over church or he has to admit there is a God. He conquers and takes over the remote for excape or he is less than a man.

This earth says he must have many conquests so he keeps on taking. His inadequacy in the darkness is his food and drink. He must give in to his ultimate need and run Home to the Warrior King of kings and the Great Shephard. His Everlasting Arms are Mighty and Strenth-Giving. He is Patient and waits for men to relinquish the fight. He whispers,
"Come and lay down all your weapons. I AM ALL you NEED."

Dearest Creator,
It is so far from my feeble understanding why there is so much distance between women and men. You created this need in both yet we fight and withhold our yearnings from each other. I kinda think you want us to come together here not for each of us to be the total need-filler but rather to come together and come to You, the StoreHouse and Great Provider.

I think that this need for each other teaches us our great need for You. This should not repel but bring together... I know You will show me Your Wisdom. Thank You for being so Constant in my life.
~ always your little lamb

curious...

"Are you curious?" he asked. The phone call was winding down. He liked to pop a wild question and leave. It was a way to test the waters.

"What do you mean?" She heart started to beat in double time. She kind of knew what the question was about. She did not want to betray her heart. He never promised a thing and she was not about to fall for casual.

"You know, aren't you curious about where this thing we have might take us?" He probably could feel the space arching with her wild thoughts.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
She had floundered her way though with some response. It was something about no matter what happens that they had an eternal connection. They were both believers. She had wanted to make sure he knew that she depended on a God who could make the impossible possible.

Her answer now would be more sure. She is sure of her capacity to love. She believes that marriage is a reflection of God. She believes in the teamwork. She is tenacious and very passionate. She loves to come along side. She is super sure of God's Mystery alive and working in her life. She dwells in possibility and curiosity is a part of that. She is exciting by the unfolding. She doesn't want to pull the petals rather she wants to enjoy the bloom.

What she is sure of about him is that he can talk her language without belittling or making fun. She loves his mind and his thoughts. She loves his heart and his dreams. She loves his soul and his faith. She loves his playfulness. However she also knows he disappears over and over again.... she is not curious about that.

cave vs. disappearance

All she knows about men is that they send a lot of time away in their 'caves'. It was told to her never to mess with a bear in his cave or you will get hurt. It has always been a mystery. Maybe if she could understand from a guy's point of view, she could leave bears in caves alone.

He had been in his cave and now he was out. She got up the nerve to ask and was presently surprised to hear his reply. "You will only get hurt if you demand from the bear. You have to support the bear in his own language. What is his love language? Support him in that. I was at my wits end and I sunk down on the stairs and wept. What touched me was my daughter giving me a side hug to herself. She did not say anything. That was support that I needed," he said. His words gave her hope.

Today the hope has died. She is not sure about the cave thing anymore. It doesn't seem to fit the continual absence. How can she understand when everytime the bear slips away in the cave it is for extreme amounts of time? She ran into the cave.

Darkness enveloped her. Echoes of her footsteps felt like crashes of waves upon her. Her own heart beat deafened her scences. The bear was not here. So she went in deeper and she became emptier. Then she saw the glaring light ...

... a back door! It is not the cave ... rather bears disappear.

genia pig...

"Would you mind if I used you as a genia pig?" he asked. He is a bit of a scientist always coming up with theories and then testing them. This time he was testing the middle stuff between a man and a woman. What makes the relationship between these two sexes?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Beware of being the genia pig. It is an empty contract. No promises are made and a lot of hurt happens. You become vested in this experiment. You signed on because in the deepest part of your soul, you knew you were strong and could handle what might come your way. Your prayers were requests to keep centered on being what God designed your womanhood to be. You always reigned in your mind and your walk from pursuing. You self talked your way through the potential hurt.

Being the genia pig you rely on the give and take of the experimenter. When he disappears so does the stuff that makes the relationship. All you will know is what breaks you ...

tried Faith...

"The trial of your faith."
- 1 Peter 1:7

Faith untried may be true faith, but it is sure to be little faith, and it is likely to remain dwarfish so long as it is without trials. Faith never prospers so well as when all things are against her: tempests are her trainers, and lightnings are her illuminators. When a calm reigns on the sea, spread the sails as you will, the ship moves not to its harbour; for on a slumbering ocean the keel sleeps too.

Let the winds rush howling forth, and let the waters lift up themselves, then, though the vessel may rock, and her deck may be washed with waves, and her mast may creak under the pressure of the full and swelling sail, it is then that she makes headway towards her desired haven. No flowers wear so lovely a blue as those which grow at the foot of the frozen glacier; no stars gleam so brightly as those which glisten in the polar sky; no water tastes so sweet as that which springs amid the desert sand; and no faith is so precious as that which lives and triumphs in adversity. Tried faith brings experience.

You could not have believed your own weakness had you not been compelled to pass through the rivers; and you would never have known God's strength had you not been supported amid the water-floods. Faith increases in solidity, assurance, and intensity, the more it is exercised with tribulation. Faith is precious, and its trial is precious too.

Let not this, however, discourage those who are young in faith. You will have trials enough without seeking them: the full portion will be measured out to you in due season. Meanwhile, if you cannot yet claim the result of long experience, thank God for what grace you have; praise Him for that degree of Holy Confidence whereunto you have attained: walk according to that rule, and you shall yet have more and more of the blessing of God, till your faith shall remove mountains and conquer impossibilities. ~ Spurgeon

" O Taste & see that the Lord is Good! Blessed is the man who trusts and takes refuge in HIM." Ps 34:8

Spurgeon: my home