morning comes shining ...

Yesterday can be described as a low tide day. I welcomed the rain yet I felt the grey had slipped inside my heart probably long before I woke.

The day wasn't rotten - much the opposite. It felt successful even with the clouds heavy on my being. It must have been the ending conversation that I knew I had to stand firm and say NO. I had strong doubts that I could say no. I kept reciting passages and praying for strength.

Today the weather woke up grey but my personal clouds were gone. I know my answer was correct. I fought the fight - the good FIGHT of faith. God's Word always comes at the best of times. My answer was a painful no. I know it hurt someone but my relationship with God trumps all other relationships. Saying NO is a complete sentence and it will keep my heart pure.

I doubt it is over so I will keep at the ready.

Here is to holding to the living double edge Sword of the Spirit...

God is my STRENGTH. God is my Dwelling Place. AMEN.

1Tim 6:11-14
But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Prov 12:26
Gal 6:9-10
Prov 4 & 5
Eph 6:10-18

strength ...

I have long been very curious about learning and dreams. Along with that I have always felt that what we are good at leads us to our dreams and our dreams are God-Designed to give back to the needs of the world. So you will find me always on the look out for any book and any person who has truly gone for their dreams with passion.

I found a book that I will not indorse because my journey is not about self-help but about God-Help. I entered into this reading with concern and it is this concern that I really wanted to talk about and stress. It was important to me to not get bogged down with feeling bad about not working professionally in my strength and with feeling angered over my weaknesses. This book could potentially make me quite upset or even undermine my faith. I wasn't going to have any of that.

As I got down and dirty with this book, I continued to decide to content in all things, to always come into His Courts with thanksgiving and praise, and most importantly that God is my Strength.

I do believe that we should always work our strengths and when our weaknesses rises up to meet us that we should use our strengths to get us through that tough patch. However, I also believe that God is my Stronghold and Dwelling Place. When I am in His Place, I cannot help but be in a safe place.

There will be temptations where the evil one will 'give us' what we already have if we just would wait. Temptations are those weaknesses that vary within each of us but it is something that is so easy to give into. Don't give in rather get in the Word and keep saying NO. A very 'well-meaning' weakness is to explain and give reason when a simple no should be enough. So often we forget that no is a complete sentence even when we ourself use it to keep a life choice and to keep a pure heart. Nothing will ever keep a no strong without talking back the Word to those insecurities and doubts than reciting and mediating on God's Love Letter to us. In our weaknesses God is made STRONG!

So here is to STRENGTH!!!!

anti-relationships ...

I think it is time for me to own up and be honest with myself. I have no clue how to make, keep, and maintain a relationship or a friendship. I long ago gave up on having a best friend. It is a myth. Now days after many many attempts and failures, I conclude that relationships and friendships are not a strong suit of mine and in fact it is a weakness. A weakness that no matter how much I desire, learn, and so desperately wanting, I get no where. Those I want to have in my life leave. Those that come into my life seek from me something I cannot give. What is up? I give up!

How do I let my gentleness be known to all men and still have a backbone of strength to not let the thief enter my stronghold? How do I still have mercy for a sinner and yet protect my faith? I have no clue. All I can do and all that I will do is immerse myself in the Word. "The Words of the Lord are PURE WORDS, like silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times." (Psalms 11:6) I want to be pure. Purity is beautiful. What girl doesn't want to beautiful?

I cannot speak well. I need to a pen and scrap paper to jot down key points in a brainstorm map. I need my keypad and my fresh white screen to clean out my thought process, making sense of a jumble mix of thoughts. Even then these are private thoughts between me and myself - and of course any reader who has landed here.

I have so many passages that remind me of my growth and my need to stay strong and be choosy with my friends. I cannot falter here. I have asked God why this person I thought was long gone and was relieved to see go - come back. I have to say no and I can when I am here alone with God and my Bible. Will I be able to do so ear to ear?

Here are some places my head has been:

"My son, if sinners entice you, DO NOT CONSENT." ~Proverbs 1:10

Prudence vs perverse ~ After doing a word study of Prudence in Proverbs, I will never mind being called a Prude ever again!

"Abstain from every form of evil." ~ I Thess 5:22

*** My relationship with God trumps any other relationship!! ***

choosy & proud

relationships

details ...

I was watching a movie where the details in the relationship was important. I was somewhat surprised. Is it true there are guys out there paying attention enough to notice 6 different smiles you might have? I like details and this would be quite cool to be shocked like that but have I put enough attention into someone that I notice and put a number on their little adorable quirk? I cannot think of one. Hmm, I think I should get busy and start counting the adorable details.

It must be noted here to the movie stressed the point that it takes a long relationship to gain the little nuances that are unspoken within a person's actions and behavior. These details are not about the favorites someone has. Sure you want to this in a relationship and you can ask. This is a bit harder. You cannot ask because the one you are taking notice of cannot see themselves. They don't know the answer. That is why this is so intriguing!

Six different smiles! Wow!

communication needs ...

Dear Heavenly Father,
I was reading over the cave stuff that happens to a man. I am pretty sure that I really messed it all up back in '05. I knew that he was the type of guy that was never far from his cave. I also knew that once he was gone, it was highly doubtful that he would come back. I thought I knew the 'right things' to do. I failed miserably. I even had sworn off self-help books then and as I am tackling the male communication, I throw up my hands. How in the world is a female and male ever going to properly communicate with all the special needs each one has yet are so incapable of giving to each other? I even see the 'miscommunication' in my own parents at times! They are truly committed to each other yet they miss those connection needs.

So I throw up my hands and give it all up to You. I cannot go unlearn all that self-help and even as I contemplate throwing it all out the window, I can't seem to because there is some wisdom here. Dear Creator of Marriage, show me the way. As I learn to speak male, I want Your Hands and Your Paths to rise up and meet me. I will follow. I will also let go. I don't want to be burden anymore by past mistakes and future ones that I will be sure to make. I want to be humble and seek for forgiveness when I make a misstep (if I have to make them mistakes - grr!) For now, I will seek Your Word for communication skills - You do say to pursue love ...

Thank You for making males and females. Thank You for communication needs of each. Thank You that You made marriage and that You are in the union of the perfect matches.

~always seeking contentment in Your Paths for me
Your little one

''You seem so peaceful ...''

and this came from a guy who is a complainer and who isn't convinced there is a God. I was shocked and didn't say a word about peace. I did engage him on stuff that was bothering him and tried to let him know I was listening.

I am tenacious at heart and tend to let the sparks fly. I also retreat into a quiet zone when I am anxious. But of late I have been trying very hard to be more sage. So hearing a comment about looking like I am peaceful is very welcomed.

I still run hot and I don't want to lose that. Yet, when I read the Bible and dig into the promises, I have this deep seated knowledge that all is going to be ok. By claiming and declaring God-Promises and God-Attributes, peace does come over me.

I have always hated the idea of letting go - that comes because I am tenacious. Letting go has always meant giving up. But when you hold onto God and the world lets go, I feel very safe. It is like skydiving but way better because the feeling is more like a bubble around you as you are skydiving. You know the landing is all in God's Hands.

Romans 8:35-39
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

What comfort to know that nothing will keep God away from me. He is relentless in His pursuit of me. He a constant never leaving me to fend for myself. Nor does He let me get in my own way. Pretty safe in His very capable Hands!! {happy sigh}

perception or empathy ...

Is perception and empathy the same thing or are they different?
Quite an easy answer. Perception is what you see out of your own eyes. Empathy is walking in another's shoes, taking on a path not your own, and feeling something totally foreign.

I am sick of hearing her talk about perception like it is my own fault. She openly admits that she is really talking to a mirror and yet she spouts off how it is the my perception at fault when it doesn't even fit! Perception isn't my fault. I do feel that I err on empathy. Perception is really a form of judgement! Something believers must not do. Sure they need to be wise but they know that all people and actions will be judged by the Almighty God. Why not let Him? Perception is a waste of time and energy. Good grief woman! Let it go and leave me be! Talking to her is a waste of time. So steer clear, girl!

to speak with intent ...

Why is it that I open my mouth around her and kick myself for doing so. She is always telling me how to think and do all the while saying that she is really talking into the mirror. Is it her way of saying I'm sorry with coming out and doing so?

Anyways, my mouth just unhinged and I was totally irritated with self! Back to Holy Word gym. Train, train, train... Got to cut the flab and maybe my mouth can stay shut and not share the family jewels aka pearls!

If I can't keep the mouth shut, keep it simple, short, and sweet.

If I can't keep it at a wicked smile and an-up-to-good gleam in the eye, then ask a question! OOOOOoo, she could just unhinge and spill the core.

If I can't share the precious pearls, then find a Bible Word picture and share that!

ARgh! Just keep my mouth shut please!!!

crown {n}

If a wife is a crown of her husband ...

Proverbs 12:4 'An excellent wife is the crown of her husband ...'

and if God has crowned us with lovingkindness & tender mercies,

Psalms 103:4 (God) Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies ...

then shouldn't a wife be a crown of lovingkindness and tender mercies for her husband?

I do like this picture because I when I read Proverbs 12:4, I wondered what the crown entail besides royalty. What better royalty than to bend low enough to spread lovingkindness and tender mercies!

no wood - no fire ...

I've been battling my attitude at work. The list of unpaid invoices are mounting and I get no info from purchasing to why they are holding onto them. I have to contend with the phone calls. It is really bothering me especially when I ask and all I get is 'I haven't gotten to that yet' or 'I don't like to problem solve.'

I am sorry but life is about problem solving. It might not be your strength but you have to figure out how to do things better if you are truly living. Ok. I better stop ranting and get on with the real issue at hand - my downward attitude.

I needed something to hold onto to keep my focus on Jesus Christ. Proverbs 26:20-21 can be summed up as 'No wood. No fire.' Every time I felt the my insides boil, I took a breath and muttered 'no wood - no fire.' Do not dwell. Do not let her see you sweat either. This is not eternal. It will not be on the books. Only me and my actions will be on that book.

Give your best work. Smile. Be content in all things. Delight and savor. And most of all come into His courts with Thanksgiving and Praise. No angry fists here...

Fleas again ...

Gotta spray the yard. It is a must. The fleas haven't been there in the past but they are there now.

Gotta use a citrus or apple vinegar mister on the pet. Or dilute their water with 50/50 apple cider!

Gotta sprinkle the furniture and carpet with salt overnight and then sweep up. I am having a hard time going over there and sitting on that sofa.

Gotta use that hotspot oil. Fleas will run from Eucalyptus.

Gotta figure out how to use the Lavender Mom and Dad has growing. Do you boil it it in water then use it to spray dog and bedding etc?

Hmmm, much to search and much to do!

kids stuff ...

Found some things to teach children and again I am a should-have-been-a-mother-but don't-what-to! I know it has to do with my passion for learning.

It is about putting a twist on the 'I Spy' game. You go about life and have your kids 'I Spy someone who needs...' You talk about it and then do something about it. Suppose they notice a neighbor is sick and then you have them decide what they need. Maybe they will come up with a homemade card complete with crayons or maybe they want to take homemade chicken soup. They do it. I was listening to a mother tell how she did it and I really could see that by doing this you are creating a future adult that won't be shy about caring for needs and encouraging others.

Another thing I heard about was a memorization program of sorts for kids. I would want to start with my kids when they were young. Plus, I would use they ways of keeping it memorized. If they were visual, then that is how we would do it. It would not just be memorizing rather it would be talking about what we memorized and how to use it.

Here is a list to I would start with:
* 10 commandments
*Fruit of the Spirit
*23rd Psalms
*Think on these things

I would then add to the list by how my child grows and what that child is struggling with.

lovingkindness {v}

Did you know there is a difference between kindness and lovingkindness? I guess I never really put any thought into until today after listening to J Vernon Mcgee.

Loving kindness = kindness with a little extra special topping.

J Vernon Mcgee had an example of a little girl's definition. The little girl said ''Kindness is when my mom makes me a peanut butter sandwich but lovingkindness is my mom adding my most favorite jam to my peanut butter sandwich.''

Pretty cool! Amazing that this word is created by the Loving God. He loves us so much that He had to have something extra special to add to kindness for His beloved children.

over the 'fence' ...

She is a smoker and sometimes she isn't herself where her speech isn't on par with her thinking. However, I truly enjoy her. She is friendly and looks out for me. She is my neighbor.

Today she was sitting out on the front step for a smoke when I came home. We talked. What was interesting was the conversation about church. What started the conversation was her asking what church I went to and how I looked nice when I go. I told her my church and I added that it was for the time being. Her comment was that it was hard to find a church these days. Then she gave me an account of a church that she went to that served coffee and they where sitting around. She said you can feel if God is there and He wasn't. I was taking it all in and brimming with questions I wanted to ask but didn't. However, I think know the answer - she was missing the reverence for God. It was gone because all the causal - the very causal that the churches have resorted to bring in the lost. I thought this was quite an interesting tidbit - a very sad tidbit.

Our conversation wandered on towards food and she offered me a cucumber and a tomato. I love fresh veggies and was very appreciative. What I really loved most was I got a peek of her apartment. Very simple but she loves the color red. She has some really nice splashes going on in her kitchen. Now I know what to paint for her! That makes me excited. Wow! What a cool way to top off my day!

family jewels ...

A believer must protect the family jewels. No kidding. The family jewels are pearls.

Do not give dogs what is sacred;
do not throw your pearls to pigs.
If you do, they may trample them under their feet,
and then turn and tear you to pieces.
~ Matthew 7:6

So what is scared? What are the pearls? Most definitely is would be my salvation and my love relationship with God. I get very defiant when it comes to people telling me what I should do when I struggle with some learning. It usually is someone I don't trust whether it is an unbeliever or a believer who isn't really listening.

My hackles rise when I hear one of my family members give their good bits to someone like a pastor and have them come back with frustration in their hearts because the 'pastor' has thrown 'it' back in their face. First is that God never ever states in His Love Letter anything about being discouraged. He is always saying to be encouraged or be of good courage. Deflated is not to be a part of a believer's life. Second is that when you offer up your inner most stuff to someone whether or not you really look up to this person, your actions say you do. So if this 'pastor' keeps throwing it back instead of listening and finding ways to encourage then you are throwing your pearls to the pigs. I don't care if he is a pastor or not. Pigs are like the fool in Proverbs 18:2 - 'A fool has no delight in understanding, but in expressing his own heart.'

In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; convince, rebuke and encourage--with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 2 Timothy 4:1-3

Yes, there is convincing, rebuking, but there is also encouraging. I feel that if you are harping on one you really missed the truth. You must have balance. You must listen. You must do your homework in the Word as well. My ear has been on the ground. I think one family member has his nose to the ground checking to see if the paster has itching ears. I call that a Truth Defender and it is not a pleasant job. Unfortunately, the girls in this family just want church not to be so hard and difficult. But these are the times ... and us girls are trying to figure out how to encourage the men in the family...

dreams ...

Watching the swimming last night was a boost to keep going for my dreams. Dara Torres said 'Don't put an age limit on your dreams.' Then of course you had Michael Phelps who believes anything is possible. Talk about conviction.

So it is time to fuel up and start making some real changes in my life. Start firming up my strengths and start getting into shape instead of wistfully wishing. Maybe in two years, I will look back here and say 'I did it.' 41 is just a marker and nothing more.

Here are a few wishes I want to turn into dreams come true:
* a book preferably published and well received
* a nice two story home with a basement and garage (bike to be welcomed! & herbs too!)
* well organized
* time to be creative in painting on glass and looming

I am not putting a man on that list because I cannot make this wish come true. That is in God's very capable Hands. If He wishes it for me, it is in His command. In the meantime I come into His Courts with thanksgiving and praise.

I do have to acknowledge that my wishes are also in God's hands because He goes before me and will be with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me. I will not be afraid. I will not be dismayed. (Deut 31:8) So I will live my life abundantly and use what I have to its fullest. No time to waste.

good bye old friend ...

I awoke with the sad feeling that my bike does not fit in here at my apartment. My place is toooo small. I have no garage nor a shed. I have spent many thoughts on how to keep the bike here. I've come up short. It has always been in the back of my mind that I need to make room for my dear friend. Now with times more tight in the gas area, it just seemed logical.

I decided to try it out. I have to take it up some stairs which is not to big of deal but getting it through the door of my place is tricky. It cannot stay in the doorway area because the door will bang into it and you have to be super skinny and if I had people come over it is just a nuisance. If I keep it in the kitchen where I have a bit more space, it would become cramped when I had projects that need space like drying clothes or even my passions like painting glass.

I even thought of hanging it somewhere like high up and out of reach but cannot because there is no real place and you know I rent. I thought of storing out in the hall but not a good idea. I have thought of everything - even the option of another place.....

So sadly, I must make the decision of taking it back to my parents. I so wanted to have my bike to go riding for exercise and for mind uplift. It is very freeing to be able to hop on a bike and go. It is different than a car when you can use it for recreation. I still haven't decided to make it work for picking up small items at the store. Oh well, ....

not lost ...

''All that wander is not lost.''
~Tolkien

After having mental gymnastics over 'people telling what to do', I remembered this quote and I felt like shouting. I am a seeker - a wanderer of sorts. I do not seek fleshy answers. I have this insatiable appetite for growth and learning but the only time I have that full factor is when I am seeking the Word of God. I am definitely NOT lost! I know Who will fill me up.

I do seek aloud and many people start inserting their own views. It frustrates me. I need to speak so keeping some things is difficult to do especially when I don't have a conversation partner. That is why I blog and tweet. It is a way to get the stuff out. I know the blog has helped. Yet, I still get those occasional people who like to tell it like it is according to them. I usually end up deleting their comments. Maybe I need to have a t-shirt made with this quote. Oh, to find a listener - one understands the art of conversation, the give and take, and the importance of asking good questions.

Maybe it speaks of the age we are in. Forget listening. Lets just spout out. Lets live outside the box. Lets spatter ourselves over each other.

to be a superpower or not to be ...

She asked me what I thought about the country of Georgia - I did not want to start WWIII with her (she is new & I don't know her that well) and she doesn't want WWIII globally I understand but I am a fighter and especially for the underdog. So you can guess what I really think! So because she asked me something like this without knowing what it might stir up, I thought I would try to ask a question - to do a bit of research on the side... Here is the burning question I posed to her:

"Is the USA a superpower?"

"Not anymore. We used to be but no so anymore."

"Do we need to be a superpower?"

"Yes, we do!"

"Why?"

"To protect ourselves."

"So we aren't here to rule the world?"

"No."

I am doing a bit of research because of a conversation a while back that I don't remember to much about but I do remember how I felt. It is definitely a feeling of being misunderstood as an American by an Australian but most likely what most of the world feels about us. This Australian shared a Kingdom view with me and still felt this way... I wish I could give him my findings.

I know there is going to be all kinds of answers to these questions. But for the most part I am bitting on that most Americans are going to what to be a superpower for the purpose of self protection and for protecting of others even if they have a worldly view.

Personally I do not like to view the US as a superpower because that is not what our purpose is. I have always felt the history echo forward. Our greatest strengths is faith, creativity, and the love of the underdog. We are not conventual and young at heart. Unfortunately, we are bit loud which causes a bit target on our backs. Down in the very depths of me is a fighter. Always will be. I will defend at all costs. ... {jumps down from soapbox & fades out of view}

Royalty ...

The pea in my mattress has been the whether or not I am treating God as Sovereign. Yes, I know God as Creator, Heavenly Father, and Friend but do I really give God the honor that He deserves?

Let me explain by a visual. Do I come into His Courts with a defiant heart angry over some ruling that He has put into my life? Or maybe I have thrown a temper tantrum with hot tears thinking it is ok to have a good cry. Or maybe I keep coming at God with a barge of questions. It is ok to have questions and to answer them with God's Word but to keep hounding God isn't right.

I am a child of the Most High God. I am the daughter of the King who is above all other kings. This is royalty. He will not do anything to harm me and in fact He is the giver of good gifts. It is no secret that for some reason I am a loner and my life journey is aloneness. So what I am doing now is talking back that my God knows what He is doing in my life. So it is time for me to come into His courts with praise and thanksgiving with a confident spirit that all is working for my good for this child of His is in His Hands soft and moldable for His keeping and desire.

friend questions ...

*What is friendship?
*What is it not?
*Do you pick your friends or do they pick you? or is it a combo of both?
*What are the 'needs' & 'wants' in a friend?
*How do you show yourself friendly?
*How do you stay connected with others?
*How does isolation creep in?
*What will destroy a friendship with you?
*What makes a friendship worth keeping?
*How do you communicate?
*How do you fight?
*How do you remain truthful & uplifting to a friend?
*How do you diffuse tension in another's life?
*How do you diffuse your own mounting tension?
*Do you harbor love for your friend & how?
*When you are terminated as a friend, do you want to hash is out?
*Do you want answers?
*Will those answers allow you to go on?
*If no answers are given, how do you move on with good will or will you harbor hate?

Four years and counting -
and I am still have unanswered questions. I still find myself a wash in thought trying to figure out what happened etc. Here again I was sitting there with pen in hand just writing down one question after another as they tumbling in my head. I have boiled it down to figuring out what I should do when I have no real answers. Do I fill in the blanks with my own answers which will only come from my own experiences and have no understanding from another's world. Sure you can stand on the mountains shouting out in the expanse with fists raised and with all the force and fierce you can muster - I WILL SURVIVE! When you are done, all the echos come rushing back leaving you feel foolish and red faced. So I just throw out the questions into this blog sphere and will see what comes rushing back...

individual vs community ...

The word is that there are no words for the Opening Ceremonies at the Beijing Olympics. It was pure magic and ingenious to an extreme. I keep trying to go over the many visuals like a student at the feet of a master. It had the yin yang thing going on where the contrasts were put together. You had soft next to loud, child next to solder, simple next to complex, and tall next to small. I liked everything from the massive drums to the writing blocks done with human power to the green starmen to the globe with walking men to the touch lighting to the piece of artwork that was made through out the night including the march of athletes making the canvas come alive with color not to mention the child drawing in a smiley face for the sun. Just too beautiful because as I say I loved one, I go to the next and say I love it too.

As I was watching the printing blocks go up and down and the camera was taking in all the angles, I just knew that people where under those making them work before the secret was revealed by all of them popping through with huge smiles. I just could not help but think on the 2008 drummers and these printing blocks (etc) about the huge amount of people coming together and making this work in precise patterns. It is the Chinese picture. Few in power with many working together for the common cause unlike here in the USA where our actions are more individualistic. (I must note that both are creative in there own way.) I will never think one is better than the other because there should be a balance. Rather, my thoughts strayed to the concept of relationships in China.

If the people work together with such precision are they ever lonely? Do they ever want for companionship? Do they ever feel the need to step out of their box and let everything hang out? If they don't have little outburst episodes, aren't they hiding? Hmmm, just thinking aloud.

I am more of an individual type of person more because of how I am made. I don't follow the crowd because ... oh well, just because! I see a different way open before me and yet I carry this burden of aloneness. I keep seeking and so I wander ! And Tolkien said "All that wonder are not lost." {!!!}

apple mash ...

What is up with Apple? I have been an Apple freak ever since I laid eyes on them back in my college days. I have never owned a PC - only Apples for me and Macintosh is my favorite flavor even in the real thing from the tree. However, there is a trend that I do not like.

The new iMacs do not come with dial up connection nor word processing as a standard. What? Yes, tis true. What is a computer but a place to come to write and create? We don't need to write? Good grief!

So more $$ to throw out to the wind. What is most frustrating is that you it is limited where you can get products for Apple meaning the cost goes up. Sure go cheap. Buy a PC. But I am a creative and Apple is a creative as well. And you have to pay for that creativity through the nose. Creativity should not be a luxury for the rich and famous. It is wasted on them.

I have been fussing about with my iMac for about a year now and it has been getting more intense ever since I lost my Appleworks. I am going crazy! Need an apple friend! Brainstorming and help greatly wanted! I want to really buckle down and get started writing. Apple is my brand of magic... or I thought it was...

telling others what to do ...

She is telling me that she is best at telling others what to do but cannot do what she tells others to do! And to top it off she is telling me who hates others telling me what to do!!!! Yikes! I want to talk to her but I am always trying to side step sensitive issues where I am finding my way but not needing any advise from her. I am not good at side stepping my own issues. I should have followed a strength of just start asking questions. However, I hesitate to ask questions for fear they may seem blunt. Hmmm, if she is going to tell me what to do and I don't welcome it, maybe it is time to put her in the hot seat! Nah, but maybe I can show her where her own strengths are by asking her thinking questions.

Out of the blue on Monday she starts talking and I who has been feeling lonely welcome a good listen let her. We talked for an hour and half. It was mostly a good chat, but I couldn't help but fall into a funk over some little things she said. It snowballed until I felt flatten. Barely had any sleep last night and I felt very weary. It keeps to keep repeating and I just don't know what to do about it. Where am I failing? I must be more confident and strong.... and when I feel the horns come out - do something about it!

tiny feet ...

I could not believe it! There where 3 little girls outside my window pulling up their shirts and pulling down their pants. Something crazy broiled up and I few out of my apartment like fire eating gas. Funny thing is that the girls didn't run even though they knew I was coming! My voice was rough and I tried very hard to put fear and danger into their deed without going into huge embarrassing details. They didn't say a word and I told them that I wasn't out here to be mean but to keep them safe. Later, I think of questions I should have asked them to make them think about their actions and possibly bring in Words of God.

Today I read Proverbs 4. First thought was this chapter is all about feet! So coupling together the little girls episode and this, I wondered what I would tell my own kids if I had them. Here is a go:

Ponder the path of your feet,
& let all your ways be established.
Proverbs 4:26

What do you teach your child about danger? How do teach them to know what to do whether alone or with a group? My main answer is to teach them to know what to do with their feet.

According to our Armor we should shod our feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace (Eph 6:15). The whole purpose of putting on the Armor is because we do not fight against flesh but to stand up against the wicked. So how does this peace gospel protect us? While every child needs to know they have a namesake they must protect. Our peaceful ways gives us opportunity to bow out when strife begins to weed up.

In Proverbs 4:12 it talks about walking and running. Walking is about walking in our faith and when doing so our feet will not be hindered. Running is about running from evil and when doing so our feet will not stumble into sin. Verse 14 warns of not going into the way of the wicked. I would show my child that it is right and noble to steer clear of evil and if evil is present FLEE! Verse 18 gives you the blessing of feet that walk in right ways. Sunshine feet! Oh, what a wonderful gift to give your child.

Funny how a girl who should-be-a-mom-but-doesn't-what-to has this welling notion to make the path of children safe and easy to accomplish!

trips ...

The last Sunday in June I was listening to three people who went on a short missionary trip. I was disappointed and confused. Then a got a rush of trip thoughts and I thought I would share:

Life is an adventure filled with many journeys, paths, and trips. On each one you should put some serious thought into what you want to take on the trip and yes, serious thought on the souvenirs you want to bring back. So what should you pack? And do you want to pick up to bring home?

You should really do some Bible reading and find out what you want to learn. Each time you actively do this God comes to you in a big way. Maybe it is verses or hymns to should be your focus. Then watch as God opens up experiences for you. The souvenirs will be related to what you focus on. You will come home with visuals and stories of God's hand at work. Be active in your learning. Write down what you are taking and what you want to pick up.

How often do you let the trivial stuff in like how will my hair hold up in this climate? Ok, this speaks to me I would let something like this bother me and I wouldn't want that to take a toll on my learning. How about if you are building something and they have a totally different way of doing things - are you going to let that broil up or can you go into that situation learning their ways to get a better sense of their lives?

Trips are not necessarily about doing but about listening and watching ... If you are doing and pushing, the ears and eyes are off target....

Lemon Kekir Ice Cream ...

Thank you to Chocolate & Zucchini for posting her ice cream try outs. Ice creams out there contain sugar or fake sugar. It is summer and this food allergy girl would like to have some ice cream to sooth out those hot days. So I made some.

I used to have an ice cream maker but it was coming apart and leaking. I figured it was unsafe and threw out. I need to get another since I have to make my own if I want HA free cool off. I did make this in a stainless steal bowl in the freezer. It came out like Italian ice which is just fine but sometimes it would be nice to have a creamy mixture!

Chocolate & Zucchini has a coconut ice cream I have got to try out next. Even though she has sugar listed I shall do like the Lemon Kekir and use fructose, agave, honey, or a combo of each.

This girl has a cool happy tummy now. {satisfied sigh}

Why twitter?

1. Being a writer want-to-be, I thought this would be a good challenge for me. You have 149 spaces to write an answer to "What are you doing?" I have decided to really stay focused and make sure that every answer is an action and not a state of being. Sure if I have space, I will hopefully add interesting tidbits, too. I aim to make my replies to others an action too. When you read the tweets of others, there is often replies that leave you out of the loop. It is suppose to be a rolling conversation. I want my experience to be inclusive enough to allow anyone to jump in and tweet at any time.

2. I have noticed that phone calls from friends often include the question "What are you doing?" I have to admit that question has annoyed me in the past! The obvious answer is that I am sitting here with phone in hand talking to you! The underlying answer is that what I may be doing in my life seem uninteresting enough to share with you. So why twitter to this question if it annoys me? Now, that is a question! Hmmm, I feel that what we do with our lives is important even the mundane stuff. It is intertwined with our being valuable and with a purpose. So, this answering the question of what I am doing is allowing me to stop and pay attention to the moment and make sure I am living beautifully and doing beautifully with thought.

3. I read somewhere that Twitter is about having a conversation and it is a conversation with everyone all over the world. I am conversation deprived. When alone for long periods of time and the walls begin to lack luster, conversation wants to be heard by another human being. I am hoping to send my actions and thoughts out into the wide abiss and see if I get any message in the bottle back. Just maybe I will strike up a webbie friend or two or more. And just maybe a webbie friend or two will become a more sustain and substantial conversation. Good and rich for both.

*topping* - I can tweet anytime with email. It is nice when I cannot be 'online'!

*You can see my tweets on the side column ->

E & M

What a beautiful wedding! The bride is 20 and I think the groom is 22 at the most. The are a young christian couple and boldly shared the gospel by having the pastor preach a little 'sermonette' about the wedding picture being a reflection of the sinner coming to Christ. All a sinner has is a broken contrite heart but Jesus Christ has the Cross and His dying for the sinner. This single girl knows from the bottom of her heart that the joining of man and woman is a picture of God but had not really visually viewed it like this. Definitely a keeper for me to keep pondering over. LOVED IT. I think this was the best part of the wedding for me.

I only know of Mitch through Erica. So I paid attention to his actions. Oh, he looked like a boy in the candy factory. His face was just a glow in a smile all the time and with his red hair it was so adorable. I have been to a good share of weddings in my day and I think this is the first time I saw a young man very excited and contented and very ready for this new thing to be. Most grooms are scared to dead and very much looks it!

Of course the whole place was beautiful. I have been getting to hear snippets of the preparation and I couldn't wait to get to see it. Erica is so very organized and she never seemed to stress over any part. She was frugal and creative. I just can see this marriage as something that is loved filled and will last a lifetime.

I wanted to see her hard work and I don't mind going to the wedding part. I do not like the reception and I usually leave after the wedding. But I wanted to see the decorations and the slide show. I went and made it all by myself. I did have work peeps that I could sit with. Even though there was lettuce, candy, and cake, I was quite happily surprised that the meal of pork, potatoes and green beans where foods that I could eat!!!! You don't know how it feels to have everyone eat around you and you can't because you are allergic. People commit - AWKWARD. I saw a family friend that I went up to and talked a bit. We were both surprised to know that Erica was the common link to why we attended.

I still was ill at ease but I know God's peace was with me. Weddings are hard and having to go to them by yourself is even harder. Being in the deep in of thirty, I still wonder if I will have to endure being a loner all my life. Too hard, I say. But God says no, it isn't. So by faith, I keep walking with my hand in His.

Be calm within your soul...
Even the restless waves,
which break upon the shore,
find their way, from time to time,
into peaceful, tranquil harbors.

I did have a great time creating a painted gift for her. She loves my stuff so I had to do something so cool that would blow her mind. She loves the wine bottles that I do for dish soap but she is into browns and the soft colors that go with it. I just so happened to have a brown wine bottle not a beer bottle but a brown wine bottle. She is in love with daisies and is wanting to go sage in her kitchen. I also found a great copper round tray at my favorite place - TARGET. I did daisies up the side and put their last name and date on it. I didn't forget to put butterflies on it too.

a mess ...

I do have a bit to write about but since this basket of apples has been tipped over, I have had a divided mind. I need organization for my creativity. A few of the apples that have rolled away are Safari, Appleworks, iMovie, iPhoto, and Shutterfly. I have lost all my favorite bookmarks here in my Safari so I have been gathering up from what I can remember. It is great having a visual mind. I shall surely bit by bit get my world back in order. I still have to find Appleworks and iMove. Grrrrrrr, because I have no idea where to find them. I have reload iPhoto and Shutterfly. All in all I have cleaned up and learned bits more about my iMac.

I need some vacation time besides a rainy Saturday to help me in my turned-over-apple-cart. Man, I need an apple friend!

Batman: The Dark Knight ...

Should you go and see this movie? If you see it, aren't you condoning the Hollywood love affair with actors who can disappear within the role? What happens when they can't get out of the darkness? In the Joker's prolific words: 'Insanity only takes a push.' How can Hollywood get away with believing actors can be something they are not and give awards out for it? Can you act out another person and still come out of it unchanged or at least changed for the better? If you decide to go, go with discernment. This isn't just a surface movie. It is deep and dark. It is not to be taken lightly as the row of teenage boys beside me did when all they could do was laugh at the Joker and his explosive acts. If you see the movie in the way you should see it, you should leave the theater in a dark pensive mood. If you go and see this as a believer, there is a dawn after the darkest night.

My favorite movie moment in this piece was when Bruce Wayne is sitting in his high rise suite looking out over the city. He is still wearing his bat suit minus the head gear. This is after he made the choice between saving Mr. Dent or saving his love, Rachel. He went after Mr. Dent while the others went after Rachel. All that was left of Rachel was the coin now with a light colored head and a dark colored head. Bruce is pensive. His Butler comes in with the breakfast tray containing the goodbye letter from Rachel. Bruce looks up and says that he feels sorry for Dent because Rachel said that she would wait for him to finish being Batman. Here is where I would jump in and rewrite the story only because I would choose to wait for Batman with no eyes for any other. But Batman/Bruce would have to know to that a girl is a flower and will wilt. If I was the Keeper (reference to the first movie) the Finder must keep. I would put up with his act of being a playboy as the front to save the identity of Batman if only he would keep true and keep me nourished in his love. Every man is on some adventure and the girl just wants to belong and to be part of the adventure. Every hero needs a feminine-wing-woman to fight for and not just a butler and Mr. Fox. Keep her. Do not abandon!!! Sorry. I had to off road here. {smiles}

I am an English Major and pretty visual too. So I get off on diving into the story (esp movies) and see the parallels, motifs, layers, and connecting it to my life and my faith. The first movie (Batman) didn't disappoint so I figured the second wouldn't either. I was right. If anything, please understand what I felt as I left the movie. ~Every soul is in a fight of good and evil. We have a Savior! Will you be a Message Destroyer or a Message Bearer? ~ What was a heart moving moment was when Detective asks Batman what he should do and say about Mr. Dent since he failed the good and killed five in vengeance. Batman used Mr. Dent's prolific words: " 'You die a hero or you see yourself become the villain.' You keep Mr. Dent's reputation in tact and I will take on his evil. Say that Batman did it." I have a Batman! Jesus Christ has taken every wrong I have done and shouldered it for me. He isn't of flesh either! He is the Almighty!!!! Another moment attached to this one is that the young son of the Detective asked his father why they were going after Batman. The Detective says that have to chase Batman. Are you chasing Batman? If you catch him what will you do? Crucify Him or Embrace Him?

timewarp ...

All I wanted to do was get my Appleworks back. Shouldn't that be important to someone who wants to write? It came with my Mac and I have written things down that I want access too. Well, this girl tried to find it and when I put the disk in and pushed buttons that I shouldn't have, I broke my Apple even more so much so that I was sent back to operating system 9! Nothing worked and I couldn't even get online. I still had the music, pictures, and documents that I could retrieve. It took a bit to get a USB large enough and then when I went to get it, Staples didn't have it. Now that is a story and a half. The helper was a bit wacked out but Staples did send me the USB port. Well, because I was not home to receive this package, I put a note for UPS to leave it. I had no way to access the Internet for an official leave-the-package-or-i-just-might-go-ballistic document. No, they would not leave it. So I got it the next day only to find out that this fantastic lifesaver would not work on an OS 9. I was hoping what I could to my tiny USB ports and then got a notion to transfer them over to the big USB port at work. Yesterday, I reloaded my Tiger. Got back to OS X but couldn't get online. Plus, Appleworks still was broken. Today, I was ready and erased the whole thing and reinstall Tiger. Guess what? No Appleworks to be found! What? I did save all the dmg's so that I would not have to waste precious time reloading all the things I had downloaded. They worked too. Very happy about that. Not sure if I was successful at saving my Safari preferences. I hope I have a good memory! It will take me some time to get everything back just the way I like it.

I missed my writing ...
I did have good thoughts but my brain was working overtime on how to fix things up. Furious about Appleworks. Still wishing for an Apple friend. Could have used one! And sadly, no one seemed to miss me. But that is my life. A loner...

hawk flights ...

The day was suppose to have rain but lucky me the sun came out this afternoon. Good timing for my Saturday walk. The blue sky was full of white fluffy clouds. Being a hot and humid day, the wind was a welcomed breeze. As I walked my last stretch home, out of the corner of my eye I saw the hawk swoop up from the grass up, up into the sky. It flapped his winds in strong slow movements and then would glide to one side then the other side. It wasn't a straight line rather a meandering path - like he was out for a stroll on whatever wind currant took him. Wouldn't it be nice to take flight like that?

I did try to see if this hawk had swooped to earth to cart of some poor little animal. Glad that there was nothing that I could see...

living a lie ...

Why write? To record personal lessons? What about fleshing out choices we don't make or cannot make in our lives?

I am a writer who tends to write out my lessons which are many. So what if I fleshed out a character to take on the choices I cannot seem to make in my own life to see what journeys and paths this character would have to take on even if it got ugly. Who knows maybe this character ends up making the correct choice for her but not for me the writer.

I was watching a show where a girl got to ream out a boy for not showing how much he cared for her. I was going to be really miffed if she kept him on because she was intensely attracted to him. I was pleasantly surprised. I having been in a place where I had kept my mouth shut and had a broken heart looked on feeling old (was hoping for wise) all the while cheering was going on in my heart. About time for a girl victory in the broken heart department. Don't get me wrong. The girl was broken hearted. Her chilling statement was what if she won't ever get to have the happy ever after. She really loved this guy but she wanted to be loved back. She was brutally honest. And she hurt anyway. But to have the ability to be honest can cut like a knife and it will cut your own heart if used. I want to be honest but I fear. I don't know how to balance kindness and honesty.

So my shower thought this morning was be a little-god and direct out a path not taken for myself in a 'throw away' character! Would I be able to grow some honesty? Or should develop a self portrait character and create a noble tale...? Maybe this is all a rouse to help me find my way back to an honest 8 yo and then I can do what I do best - record personal lessons...

I do think what is quite interesting is that whether a girl keeps quiet or is brutally honest, she ends up with a broken heart. However, in one scenario the hardship rest totally on the girl but the other the hardship rests on both if not more so on the guy. Just maybe the guy will be haunted enough to do something about his inability to love. I had thought so all along in my own choice and to see it played out in this way allows me to try baby steps to honesty.

PS: The opposite of honesty is a lie. I have to say that I am not going around and telling lies verbally. And I am not going around and fibbing with my actions. Rather, I live quietly and hide my actions if I don't feel safe. So by omission I live a lie! Yikes. How is that for BRUTAL HONESTY!

not giving up ...

I love my Rings movies. A huge thank you to a co-worker who lent me the movies and tempted me to read the book. It has been 4 years since. The first and second time I read and watched the movies all I could think of was war. The third year I watched the movies and all I could think of was depression. Now the forth year and all I can think of was not giving up. There were sooooo many times Frodo wanted to give up not just mentally but physically. I know the feeling of being so tired that the easiest thing to do is give up. However, I have never been so beaten up like Frodo. It could be possible that I would not pass the test. I am here and alive. I have been a tenacious lot and giving up is so not my style. So much not my style that I kind of detest the giving up one sees in others. I love how the Rings show worth and honor in the fight and in sticking it out with the ones you have pledged to endure the adventure with.

I dearly love Sam and I feel most kin too. I have to peal my eyes off him and his story to the other characters like Aragorn & Arwen. Especially in movie two, I was very ticked off by Aragorn's eyes seemingly to take in another woman instead of Arwen who had told Aragorn that she would give up being an elf and become mortal. Aragorn who is a warrior through and through faltered with his love towards Arwen. I being a fan of love stories and tenacity was chalking it up that men just play games with girls hearts and here we go again allowing them to do so. This time for some silly reason my heart gave Aragorn a small glimmer of a chance to redeem himself. Arwen promised and pleaded with him to trust and believe in their love. Aragorn away at war I think began to wonder if he himself could allow Arwen to become mortal. But the other side of me is sooooo sick and tired of the guy not trusting the girl. Not every girl out there is going to be a fallen Eve. There are those of us that come from the Redeemed Eves. Anyways! He did pull through and did not give up on Arwen even though he seemed surprised to see her there when he was crowned king.

I am all about not giving up. The book/movie is all about decorating the 'not giving up' with honor. It makes you walk away daydreaming of a day when honor reigned supreme all across the land. Then you are awaken by blares of alarm clocks and horns and rude people. That is way I keep going back to the movies and will eventually reread the book. I want honor and valor in my life. It makes you feel worthy of the life you are given!

'whatever is noble - think on these things!' Phil 4:8 We are made for nobility!!!

poo stomping ...

The more you stomp in poop the more it smells.
~ Billy Ray Cyrus

Hmmm! Interesting and quite true. Soooooo, what poo have you been stomping around in and really quite frankly making a big muck and stick? I believe it is a question we should answer honestly.

reasons for war ...

I have decided to read all of the Narnia series and have watched the two movies. I am also going through the Ring movies as this is one of my yearly pacts with myself. I do not know too much of these two authors' personal history other than they were British authors and friends in a time where war was on their minds. Reading their most popular stories, war is the theme. I wonder if they would be rolling around in their graves if they could see today's 'war' mindset.

What is happening to our vision? Yes, there is a veil covering our eyes but a believer has the ability to know what is on the other side of the veil. No, we don't fully understand but we've been told in the Letter from God. War is apart of life. To fight evil - to hold to good. Anyways this is not to debate war but just an observation. A first thought .... a continuing thought ... and a thought that might not get answered until I reach the other shore...

872 less ...

An achieve was made on my blog and there where 872 less this year than last to take a gander here. It is interesting to compare the maps for the 'whos and wheres'. Disheartening for the lower numbers, yes. But maybe a new year brings new readers and thoughts...

blogsphere {n} ...

I love the blogsphere. It is an more intimate setting between writer and reader, talker and listener. It is about everyday life and it is about depth at the same time. You can visit anytime because the welcome mat is always out. There is no need to watch the clock and leave before you get thrown out. You can be quiet as church mouse nibbling on cheese and I suppose you could be loud too without disturbing the peace too much. I favor the smaller quieter places of the world. I like depth and really knowing someone dreams and passions. I want no social ranking games. I don't want it to be too loud but just right. I can throw a laugh that echos on the walls but just smiling down to the depth of my toes feels sooooo goood and the blogshere is just the place for me to 'socialize'.

I have a blog I read because she writes so well. I don't care for her world as she made it but I do keep coming back because I want to be encourage to write well. Another blog I read is because of her location and she is a single girl coping with no men. She will soon be crossed off my readership because she is getting a bit to negative and too worldly for my stomach. She was teaching art and now she is teaching first grade, I think. Now for my favorite blogs to read - I love reading this french cook's blog. I can't enjoy the food the way she does because of my food allergies, but I just love how she writes!!!! She has a cookbook! But in her blog her foods are characters and you just feel so much apart of her world. She travels too and has parties to meet her readership! She has been to Perth, Australia and of course New York - job thing. She traveled to the US for a vacation but of course she blogged about the foods she encountered. Pretty cool. Another favorite blog of mine is from a place I would love to visit, Brisbane, Australia. She just moved from Melbourne with her hubby. She started a cafe and is expecting her first baby. She blogs about her life, her cafe, her craft projects, and about her family. She includes small photos and she is pretty good with it too. It is a wonderful peek into someone's life. From her I have learned that while Martha Stewart might be big here in the US, but it is Donna Hay downunder. I have noticed Ikea is big and so is the Oriental touch in their fabrics and crafts. These are a few blogs I enjoy. I see that I navigate those that inspire me in my own life.

I think if someone was to describe my blog it would be that is about enjoying the little things of my life, it about letting go the past and pressing towards what lies ahead, it about learning and growing, it about certain soap boxes like anger, melancholy, abandonment etc, it about my life with God, it is about words and my love how songs and hymns impact my thoughts, it about my passions like writing, painting, pups, creativity etc, ... I do get heated at times and light hearted at other times. Of course I want my blog to be enjoyed but that is part of my need to be liked. It is quite possible to turn people off with what I write. I have to be ok with that just as long as I feel that there is balance of depth and joy here.

Blogsphere is a great place to inhale and exhale...

Happy 4th Birthday, llj!

Looking back over the past four years, I realized that I just skipped over reminiscing last year! Not sure why... This year I can't help but reflect. Since I started this blog and it soon became the voice to fill the void that I had. This quiet girl has always needed to speak and surprising she has a deep need to have someone to listen and validate her. Though I do not have any readership to listen, just the process of getting my thoughts on virtual paper allows me to stop and listen to myself.

The lack of readership and the lack of interaction weighs on me. I had wanted this to test my writing skills to see if I am worthy. Either I have failed in writing ability or I have failed to pull readers into this bit of space. Working on llj attraction skills takes time away from writing and then after all the work nothing happens. I am still working on getting some curb appeal. Not giving up.

Celebrating this milestone is a bit bitter too. It now has been four years since x took off. Four years since which is now longer then the time we spent getting our friendship on. x was the one who planted the blog idea in my head. I went for it like I always do. I am tenacious like that. No apologies.

Frustrating! This kind of birthday should feel like getting another year older...

1st b-day

I AM SMART ...

My life journey has been about how I learn and how others learn. I was a poor student in school and it took every bit of my education to slowly figure out that I indeed was a very smart cookie. No need to worry about me getting a big head. This life journey has not been easy nor is it easy now.

I have learned that to be smart you need a way to express yourself in your best way and even in the worst (like fighting). I have learned to express myself through writing - my strength. It gets my thought process hashed out in complete sentences instead of those dread flying fragments. Not until I had my blog where I could weld a virtual pen was I a complete person. All I could do was inhale and no exhale was making me burst at the seams with a chilling red hot anger. Now I am a bit more chilled and quite at ease with my thoughts. Being a true thinker becomes me.

However, when it comes to fighting, I run. I have been 'taught' badly from all my failures at fighting to keep relationships even with my truest and best intentions. Even now as I know my best way to fight (asking questions), I have no one to practice on who is safe to rehearse the precision knife skills needed to not harm or maim but to get to the heart of the matter to heal. Rather, it is like giants tossing about a ball just of my reach and I am running around trying to steal it away. Fighting alludes me. It is the 'last frontier' of being smart. I must accomplish this if I am fully smart.

Because I cannot isolate myself and become insular, I will sit and muse on 'random' (well ruminated and maybe a bit about the mulberry bush) thoughts and questions to pull the intended target in line and provoke them to thought without them realizing I am fighting... Make them do all the work!

To fight with out yelling and tears and separation ... ahhh bliss...

reasons to fight

I hate fighting. I hate yelling. And it never ends well. However, pushing yourself to the edge, you must fall. So here is a list of very important reasons to have an all out brawl.

* to feel what someone else feels / to gain understanding
* to clear the air
* to learn what will make the particular relationship stronger
* to come together (proverbs 18:1)
* to be friendly and civil (proverbs 18:21)
* to obtain relational wisdom
* to have harmony

'a brother is born for adversity' ~proverbs 17:17

'A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle.' ~ proverbs 18:19

Maybe it is time to stop avoiding the fight and start something ...

'A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.' ~proverbs 18:24

girds herself with strength ...

She went to bed in tears. Abandonment bit at her heels again as her thoughts grazed over the little cry of Tink when he saw his so-called master leave. The morning left her in a funk of weakness. The weakness that comes in a cyclical fashion and without warning. Feeling desperate for some strength, she decided to go to Proverbs 31. No, she isn't afraid!

Her eyes rest on verses 17 & 18 and her heart found the strength to continue. 'She girds herself with strength.' Girding about her core is the passions and dreams that fuels her joy like writing, painting, cross stitching, looming, and anything creative or that aids her in organizing. By digging into these delights, she 'strengthens her arms' to battle the ever creeping weakness.

She fills her home time with little projects that become gifts for dear ones or beautify and cleans up her space. Shouldn't her home time be filled up wisely with her strengths? 'She perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night.' She doesn't let the dark creep in and steal her joy. She doesn't zone out to the grey spaces that can put its talons in deep. The light is strong and steady. Her work bears up her spirit and her walk is soft and gentle.

Those that walk in the shadows of the night look up to her window shedding a soft glow and know this is a safe harbor...

commit ...

With "Quiet Leadership" there is a simple equation to change your habits. You start with your thinking. By changing your thinking, you change your feelings. By changing your feelings, you change your behavior. By changing your behavior, you change your habits. Of course you can only change your thinking by asking progressive questions.

While reading Proverbs 16, the first three verses caught my eye and made me question the simple equation presented by "Quiet Leadership". Proverbs has it where it ends with God establishing your thoughts! Hmmm! So I reread the verses again and again to test and to see what Proverbs' equation looked like. First, you must prepare your heart to act even then God has the answer. He knows exactly what you are harboring within your heart. No matter how clean you feel your motives might be God weighs your character and your actions. After you prepare your heart to act, commit your act (actions) to God. Then He will establish your thought. When I read that I understand it to mean that by committing my actions to God, God cleans up my thoughts. Let me tell you that there are some times when I hang on to some frustration or some hurt when I am trying to do the right thing. For example, I want to forgive my brother for abandoning the responsibility he took in getting Tink. I want to hash it out with him which won't work because the one thing brother taught me about verbal combat that it never ends well even if my intent is understanding and a win win situation for both. So I know with out a doubt that my best action is to shut up and forgive him. My thoughts are not there but with committing this act to God, I know that He alone can change my thoughts.

Putting these two learnings together, would be to commit the act or habit that I want to do in my life to God then God changes my thoughts, then my feelings, then my behavior, and finally I have a new and good habit. All I must do is commit and lean into God.

The preparations of the heart in man, and the answer of the tongue, [is] from the LORD.
All the ways of a man [are] clean in his own eyes; but the LORD weigheth the spirits.
Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.
~Proverbs 16:1-3

Happy Father's Day

Father's Day, 2008
A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America


White House News
On Father's Day, we honor our Nation's fathers for the unconditional love they give to their children and for their selfless dedication to the well-being of their families.

Fathers play a unique and irreplaceable part in the lives of their children and pass along values that help children grow into responsible adults. By providing their sons and daughters with a positive example, fathers help give their children the necessary foundation they need to make wise decisions throughout their lives. Fathers strive to inspire their children to lead lives of integrity, honor, and purpose, and they pray for wisdom and the strength to give their children the love and support they need to achieve their dreams.

All Americans are thankful for the extraordinary efforts of our Nation's fathers, stepfathers, grandfathers, and guardians. Their devotion and encouragement as mentors, providers, and role models help strengthen their families and our country. We are especially grateful for the fathers who serve in our Nation's Armed Forces. These dedicated fathers protect liberty so that all children can have a more promising future. We pray for the safe return of all those serving overseas, and we thank the fathers who support sons and daughters who are defending our freedom around the globe.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, in accordance with a joint resolution of the Congress approved April 24, 1972, as amended (36 U.S.C. 109), do hereby proclaim June 15, 2008, as Father's Day. I encourage all Americans to express their appreciation to all fathers for their many contributions to our Nation's children. I direct the appropriate officials of the Government to display the flag of the United States on all Government buildings on this day. I also call upon State and local governments and citizens to observe this day with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twelfth day of June, in the year of our Lord two thousand eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-second.

GEORGE W. BUSH

Thank You, Heavenly Father for my Dad who is a strong foundation to my life. I am rich because I have my Dad's God in my life.

I live in a generation where there are dads out there who love You and are divorced. I have seen two of them doing what they can and I feel for their struggle in being dad's in this time. By being fathers the same feelings they feel must be what you feel. May this be a comfort and a strength for them.

I give You much gratitude for being there for me when every thing seems to give way. You are always there with Arms to sheild and to guide. Thank You for YOU and for my earthly Dad.

~always your daughter

he knows ...

Brother and his family left Father's Day gathering yesterday and Tink started his typical barking because he hates being left and entering his plea was a cry. He knew he wasn't going home. Later, when he went inside he looked out the bay window with his ears flopped over looking, tears welded up and anger seethed in my heart. Tink has feelings. He is sad and he doesn't understand.

Tink, brother's dog, has been dumped upon my mother's conscious and she packed him and took him home a week ago Friday to live with the other two boys, Bobby and Andy. Tink is a mid size dark coat toy fox terrier. Tink is more of a challenge to train but being a last born brother was at odds at trying to train. Pretty much he was lazy and quite lousy with his training of Tink. Now with a daughter he wants Tink out. He says there is biting issues and waking up the baby issues. And to be fair with brother, there was a time I wouldn't have known what to do with Tink either. But Tink has found a place in my heart and being abandoned has tempered me and even slowed me down. I feel and love Tink as much as I love Bobby and Andy. I do worry because Bobby and Andy don't care for Tink. Andy is the Enforcer of rules and guards all cookie boxes or food bags. Andy is the pack leader. Bobby too curls his upper lip and gives sad eyes saying he isn't getting the rightful amount of attention. So Mom, Dad, and I try to give much love to all three. It looks like it is a forever deal especially of the off handed remarks made by brother about hating fox terriers and how it has been so great to get rid of Tink.

I am so livid. He knows better. Mother had better make it real clear to him as she said to me that he must swear never to get another dog until Tink dies. I am crying as I write. I know I said that I would be respectful of family but this hurts. The once twin 10 years apart is quickly becoming a stranger to me. In fact I am finding my middle brother much more in common with me.

One of my top pet peeves is abandonment. When you take on responsibility, you have got to see to it to the end. Abandonment is worse than death. It hurts and it is such a slow death. How do convey to a dog that he is better off in my parents home where he is loved unconditionally when humans don't even understand abandonment? He is in a tough situation where he is loved by humans but not really by the other dogs... How do you convey to all the dogs that you love each and every one equally?

After the bros and families had left, the boys got there wish of humans sitting with them. Tink laid down with his head nestled within his blanket and with ears durped, he fell asleep. I am left to wonder if he sad or tired... probably both.

Maggie unwanted

A righteous [man] regardeth the life of his beast: but the tender mercies of the wicked [are] cruel.
Proverbs 12:10

American Flag Day ...

I love the American Flag. Every time I sing the National Anthem my brain is seeing the flag flying in a tattered mess but it is still there. I see the flag being set upon the hill in Iwo Jima. I see the flag set in the rubble of 911 by the fire fighters. I see the flag flying in the waters of Hurricane Katrina. Why do we set that flag up in every national disaster? Because it is a tribute to our fighting nature. We are fighters. America, please never stop fighting...

THE STAR SPANGLED ANTHEM
Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro' the perilous fight'
O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming.
And the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen, thro' the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream;
'Tis the star-spangled banner: oh, long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has wash'd out their foul footstep's pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Oh, thus be it ever when free men shall stand,
Between their loved homes and the war's desolation;
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land
Praise the Power that has made and preserved us as a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust";
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Tune: Anacreon in Heaven

Written by Francis Scott Key on September 14th,1814.

US takeover = falsehood ...

I read an opinion poll about the USA and her relationship with the rest of the world. I am always livid when it comes to these most likely is because I never liked following the crowd and I have a slight hang up or a major hang up when it comes to being liked. These two things just don't mix and causes me much angst.

However, you can hate the President that I love and you can hate a country that I love but when it comes to the comment where the Americans are all about taking over the world, I become enraged with a white hot searing anger. I've been on this planet nearing 40 years and there is not an agenda in our DNA to take over the world. It is in our DNA that we fall in love with the underdog and cheer him on. It is in our DNA to act like a young teenager who thinks in new ways instead of older more sour ways. Yes, we should not overlook the older wiser tried and true ways. It is in our DNA to be more of a cowboy with its rugged black and white in the sense of good and evil. It is in our DNA to give when a need arises. It is in our DNA to take out the evil. It is in our DNA to be free and allow others to enjoy that freedom too. Yes, we are a rambunctious lot and we get ahead of ourselves. My only fault with America and I can say this because I am an American is that we do need to return to our faith for which our country was built upon. We need to keep our balance and not stray to far on the wild side/ no boundaries or to the calm-do-nothing side/ all walls to hold everything out. We need to be creative and change our world in kinder and fresher ways. Holding to our faith, staying balanced, and being creative will only add to our entrepreneurial 'cowboyishness' love for the underdog.

Q's:
What fear is there in freedom? Could you be listening to the voices of the wind and making up your mind than standing firm on what you have tested? Are you listening to the oil markets and causing the prices to rise? Did you buy the extra house to flip or the house out of your means because of lax rules? Did you not go with the flow? Do you like to blame the government instead of yourself? Would you like to live a cushy existence given by the government than to go out and cease the day or cease the dreams and passions you might harbor in the forgotten corners of your heart? Would you rather let the government take care of the poor or would you rather get dirty in the trenches of life and give a helping hand? Do you like to put in too small preset notches? Do you liked to be mislabeled? Do you always want to be whatever you are doing at this moment? Do you want better? Do you want the government to condition your children's faith and learning? Or do you want to have a say in teaching your kids? Are quite fat and happy depending on mortal man and his fleshy ways? Or would you rather have the Almighty God in your life? Are depending on your wisdom or the general earth wisdom or God's Ultimate Wisdom?

ARE YOU JEALOUS? WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS? WHAT IS YOUR CHOICE? FINALLY, BE HONEST - AREN'T YOU JEALOUS?

See if you are going to make your opinions known about us, isn't that being too interested in our doings? Wouldn't that energy be put to better uses by changing your own world? Talk is cheap. Action is rich.

change your thoughts - change your life

Quit looking at us and start living your own...

stop trying - start training ...

My ears perked when I heard these words. So often I find myself defeated when I can't get it right and this was a piece of wisdom that really nailed it for me.

Training is about getting into God's Word and harboring it in heart and repeating it in your mind when you feel yourself falling backwards into old rutted ways. Training is about learning the self control fruit of the Holy Spirit. It is reconditioning your walk. It is about renewing your mind. Dig into the Word and find the bits of comfort that soothe you. Personally, I like simple phrases that grabbed me and I jot them down on 3x5 card so that I have it handy to memorize. Another little thing I do is when my thoughts stray to the no's in my life when I am trying to focus on the yeses, I mutter aloud or quietly within my mind a verse or a hymn or if all else fails - Psalms 23. Yes, I do a lot of talking to myself {smirks}.

By how often my thoughts stray away, I am dire need of the gym. Pretty much flabby everywhere even for an avid thinker. I have made huge improvements but I have a ways to go. It reminds me of tummy fat - you can be trim everywhere else but the belly holds the padding than a new pillow. In the physical word my arms have a nice contour from lifting 5lbs in each hand. I can lift maybe once a week and arms look good. However, with the stubborn tummy, I could do crunches every day and get no where. Just like my straying thoughts!

I do have to say that on the belly front, I found a crunch that started to do faithfully each day this week (progress!!). It doesn't hurt my back which some do so that is a good start. Maybe I will find a healthier stomach one day and while I am at it, trimmer grey matter too!!!

1000th

This is my 1000th llj blog entry and on the 19th of this month will be my third year of this writing experiment. Speaking of an experiment, I have put a lot of sparkle and spackle upon the walls of this space. I have been honest but respectful to family and friends that I have talked about here. I have tried to find a nice welcome sign but the walls still have an echo to them. I am afraid that as I do in real life, I am doing in my virtual space - talking to myself. I talk about everything. I talk about life. I talk about my relationship with God. I mix it all together because that is life of a believer. I have jotted down all my learnings that God has provided in my life. I am learning everyday. I would be disappointed if I couldn't. I am a girl and it seems the fairer sex talks a lot. Well, I may not do it aloud nor have I found a friendly loyal ear, so I spill my guts here. I had high hopes that my rants and raves would touch others but some how I've missed the mark. So if this was an episode, the party would be God and me. That's ok because I am a much more peaceful person now. Just having the avenue to process and form my thoughts out on virtual paper is my inhaling and exhaling. Yes, it is my breath.

My blog beginnings is a sad tale of a girl who was shut out of a life of someone who became like family to her. She talked way to much it seems. So in order to feed her addiction she blogged. That someone never returned but still she blogs. She has some tough learning curves and the curves seemed to keep coming around the same bends with more steepness and edge. She has held on for dear life until the force has pried her grubby mitts off the wheel of her life.

So without too much ado to any silent but faithful readers - sorry the glare of the headlights must be blocking my view of you fear of being run over!- thank you for reading my humble despairing tales of my thoughts. If you dare, share a comment. Be kind though. I am timid and fragile and most violent when it comes to mean or selfish comments.

wiiiiii!!!

I love games and wished for more game time when I was young for mental growth and social interaction. Now that the family is older and more of us, I hoped for game time. Not so much. However, my father bought a Wii a couple of months ago! Can you believe that? (However, we have got to get Dad to play more. Still a bit of a struggle...)

I am not a gamer and never wanted to be sucked into the vacuum world that makes you anti social. Books alone can do that to me when I have gone to another world. I remember back in college in the late 80's early 90's. I didn't like the guys stuck on the games in the lobby. Funny today it seems more out of control. Now I don't mind gamers. I just don't like the anti social feelings associated with them. I already feel out of sorts when it comes to the social scene.

So what makes the Wii different than the other games? It is a social game and it is about moving more than just your thumbs. I love getting my parents to play and all family members can play no matter the age. Memorial Day weekend the four yo nephew was playing with us. Just last Sunday Mom couldn't wait to play tennis that she didn't sneak in a nap before playing. She hated tennis a week ago but finally got the hang of it and wanted to make sure she hadn't forgotten. We've notice the amount of fans along the sidelines watching the tennis matches and Mom isn't happy that I have more fans than her. That is pretty cool of the Wii to make little nuances like that within the games. The better you are in tennis the more fans/Miis you get to watch you! Nifty!

Mom loves bowling and this past Sunday, she hit pro status! So we go and play another game of bowling. She is up to bowl and behind her name is pro. Ok, that is nice. I am watching her bowl and then it my turn. But I couldn't help but wonder about her ball. I asked her if she saw that her ball had stars on it. She said no. It was my turn and we couldn't see her ball any more. So when it was her turn sure enough there were diamonds on her ball. What! She is gets a special ball for being a pro!!!!!!! We were all excited and I just could not help but think that Wii did a real good design job with there game. I can't wait to see what happens in tennis when I hit the pro status. Will I get a special racket? Will I have the statdium rocked out with fans???

Way to go Wii on taking the gaming aspect and making it more social and family friendly!!!

wisdom + God's Glory ...

I have been thinking about Wisdom. In Proverbs Wisdom* is linked together with Understanding and Knowledge and I often wondered about this so much that I wasn't even sure what Wisdom was. It seemed to lofty and high for me to get. Then I landed on Learning. Knowledge is what you learn. What you learn is what you understand. What you understand you begin to put into your life. What knowledge you begin to use in your life shows up as growth. The growth has got to be wisdom!

* Through Wisdom a house is built, and by Understanding it is established; by Knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches. ~ proverbs 24:3-4

With relinquishing the No's in my life and putting my eyes on the yeses, my eyes still want to look at those precious No's and figure out the whys. I still pray for understanding on those No's when I realized that I really need to stop looking at my want list or rather use my want list with the No's beside them as a launch pad and ask for wisdom and learning for what is my life. But further than that what is Wisdom without God's Presence? Yes, you can have all the wisdom in the world but without God in it, it is quite useless. Note: King Solomon.

My want list includes a great guy (yes, there is a nice long laundry list here even more so after the big fat NO but it is too long to add here), a condo (a bit of list here too>, and to write for a living. I will continue to work on the writing bit but I am revamping my prayers to include the Wisdom with God's Presence. I have learned a ton from that great guy who cut and run and left me without a clue. There is much Wisdom here and I could not have learned it or make use of it without God. I don't want to loose this. I am afraid too that I won't be bold as a lion when it comes time for me to really put all this guy learning to the test. I don't want to get stuck on being guyless or husbandless, even friendless. I want to be full and abundant as God intended me to live. So as I go forth with my eyes on what yeses I have, I want God here in it all. I want to learn all I can and be content with this life He has given me.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
~James 1:2-8

I know I can bring my needs to God and I believe we can bring our wants too. But I fail at praying for wisdom. What I have missed here is that even though it is hard to relinquish the No's, it should not be that hard to ask for Wisdom and believe that God will bring the knowledge and open my heart to understand. I am very thirsty for learning and especially the God kind. What I know for sure is that guys can come and go and pretty much be a panty-waste when it comes to me, but God has come through in a huge way. He isn't afraid and He keeps me. I am pretty much a keeper in His eyes. He has a purpose for me. So what do I have to lose when I am learning and growing? God's Voice is not silent when He is in the Wisdom!!

Better rethink those times you think God is silent!!!

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways seek Him and He shall direct your paths. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

Rejoice in the Lord and have no confidence in the flesh. ~Phil 3:3

God's Glory ...

According to Ravi the definition of God's Glory is His Presence and His Voice. No Glory. No Voice. Read Zachariah.

Ravi was using King Saul and King David and their reliance on spiritual leaders to guide them in their ruling. Then Ravi used King Solomon and his total lack of using any spiritual leaders. Solomon choose wisdom but without the use of God. He began to rely on this wisdom he had with no use to protect the high places nor himself.

Ravi went on to say that it isn't the political leaders that we should worry about but the spiritual leaders that guide the nation. Yes, I come from a country founded by very Godly men who designed this country to rely on God. No, we are not Israel nor can we claim the equal standing as Israel. Yes, God has turned away from Israel and has turned to the Christain. No, there are no borders but rather it is a kingdom that has citizens living as aliens in all the countries of the world. Yes, God's Presence is with the Christian. My biggest fear is that America will totally turn from God and all the blessings that belong to a nation whose God is the Lord will cease. I hold up the fact there are still many Christians that hold to the faith and will keep this nation afloat. I do have a better sense that is the spiritual leaders that must stay focused on God and I will pray hard for this. I will not just leave it to the spiritual leaders but be the one who dives more fully into God's Word and practice it.

Much to do!

pity sakes ....

I heard some one's definition of friendship as loyalty and honesty so I thought I would chew the cud on this thought.

What is loyalty? Doesn't loyalty have a dash of tenacity in the mix? I feel that loyalty has to have a stick-with-you-through-thick-and-thin. I guess I should have listened to my gut when I doubted his ability to share the good and the bad with me or even be there for my own good and bad.

What is honesty? Shouldn't it be the safe harbor to share your fears even the ones that might affect the relationship? I didn't share aloud my fear of his cut and run. Now I have suffered the loss. I should have spoke up. Then maybe he would have to shoulder some of my pain.

Then again if friendship is about loyalty and honesty then I have to call it as it should be - he wasn't a friend because he wasn't loyal nor honest. Whew, that is hard to say! I don't want to but it is about being realistic. grrrrrr.....

power of a smile

It is totally amazing what a smile and a greeting with your name attached from a good looking guy can do to you! Now this guy had to have remembered my name from school or had to go to the yearbook like I did to remember my name because I didn't give it to him. In fact I only knew of him because I recognized him only when I went back to the yearbook instead of knowing him from memory. Anyways, the brain was in total happy mode.

So the good thing about smiles is that it does have real power. It changes others when you spread it around. I like that and I have decided that I need to spread my mischievous smile around and really freak others out. I think I have two smiles, the sad smile and the warm smile. I do have a thinking face that makes people think I am mad and I have to clarify. Argh! Then I a very mean eagle eye that tear into the very soul with steal like force. So the mischievous smile is needed to counter the aloofness that I portray even though I am very much a lightweight fraidy-cat. It will need some practice because I need to think at the same time; however, it is a known fact that I can't do two things at once!

So the bad thing about a good looking guy flashing a really nice smile is that he has been doing this for some time now. Good looking smiles put spells on girls and they go weak in the daydreams. Not good. Must stop. I've been saying 'focus' a lot to myself. Finally, today the flashbacks and the ahhs have subsided. Wonder if a mischievous smile on my part back to this good looking guy would fluster up his day instead of mine!!!

{an extremely mischievous smile}

relinquish the no's - eyes on yes ...

Ahhh, King David, my favorite Bible character... You know that God told David 'NO' on his desire to build God a home. David did not throw a fit and become a bitter old man. He did get excited that his son Solomon would be the one chosen.

So the key points to remember and to live out:
1. relinquish the NO's
2. put gratitude on God's Allowances - eyes on the yeses!!
from Steven Davies, radio speaker

My soul was pricked. Some no's seem easy to let go and there are others that just sooooo painful to let slip through your fingers. I am so thankful that it just doesn't stop with relinquishing but the best step forward is that focusing on the yes. It just isn't that he vanished but rather that I got to know someone, love, and even feel that I wasn't a misfit because there was someone else was like me too. {sighs}

I had a weekend where I was thinking about the past. God has a way of having the last word even when I had decided not to speak to Him about my racing mind. I knew what He wanted me to do but I that other part of me wanted to wallow. Why? I haven't a clue. Oops, hear the voice from the back? She is saying that she doesn't understand, hopes he comes back, and quite possibly is that she is selfish.

Self control is hard work but training the mind to think on God's yeses has got to change and whip that selfish beast into submission!!!

life God-lived ...

Trouble, trouble, toil, and trouble... I can see the witches stirring their brew in Shakespeare's Macbeth. My soul feels the trouble, trouble, toil, and trouble in the world today as hurricanes, earthquakes, fires, drought, flood, and tornadoes tear up and eat away the fleshy part of earth. It is not just the wrath of nature but the human demise as well. Just look at the character miming of those in office or seeking the office. Just look at the way of a country founded on the Bible and on God that has taken prayer out of the public and is rather loose with taking His name in vain.

I was just lamenting with my Mom the other day over the nature, gas prices, food prices, genetically altered food, and the fate of our country. I keep going back to the Abraham and his request to save Sodom and Gomorrah. Is there enough of us Christians to save the country and the world?

Anyways today Ravi talked about Daniel and how he choose to eat God's way instead of the foods offered to the idols. Daniel choose to live differently in the land that captured him. He made a difference and changed 3 kings lives. That in time when the world seems like it is winning and you are captured with in this mess, you must stay true to God and His Word. "You cannot argue against a life well lived.'' This was Ravi's closing line and it caught me. Of course, me and my word fetish, I had to change but I shall let this echo with in and make sure that I hold my head up and live as purely and beautifully as I can. I have a certain someone who has been attacked repeatedly while serving his country and I think I need to send encouragement. He has not fallen into public depression and he has not faltered. He loves God and it shows.

You cannot argue against a life God-lived