Life is a paradox and quite frankly I am a paradox but for right now life is right in my face in a stare down. I've had enough. I'm sure I've blinked but I'm still in its clutches.
Just as I was clutching to the fact that I do have an abundant life full of hope, salvation, love, peace, contentment, JOY, compassion,… Just as this world is getting darker and that I have the Light to make a difference in my world, my cup has gotten very bitter. Like Jesus I want this cup taken away. Please let up. Please give me warm honey water. My heart is shattered.
I know I must give up my good gift, my beloved Andy. I have asked for mercy. Let him go quietly in his sleep where he is near us. In my opinion last Sunday would have been good timing but he is still here wasting away. I couldn't bear to take his life away. He was engaged and giving. We did not want his last moments be traumatic. He goes nuts when he goes to vet.
{heavy sigh} What a stressful year this has been. I felt God's Presence when I was freaking out about the surgery. He covered me. I'm looking for His Presence again. I'm trying not to dictate my expectations but they are there larger than life.
What a paradox. Abundant life and my cup is bitter.
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