Call Upon Me

I am quite frustrated that the NYC mayor has decided to keep all religions out the 911 10th Anniversary Reflection Memorial. I do not mind all the religions part but the ultimate COST is the taking out of God and having a personal relationship with the Almighty in a great time of need.

Who better than God to call on when fire and destruction are licking at your heels? Why take Him out of the equation when He still can be found? What a disservice to our founding fathers and those who ran through the man made fire and hell here on earth and straight into the Mighty Arms of God because they had a personal relationship with the God of Salvation?

"For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You." Psalm 86:5

"Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.h Psalm 50:15

"The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth." Psalm 145:18

"As for me, I will call upon God, And the Lord shall save me." Psalm 55:16

"Because He has inclined His ear to me, Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live." Psalm 116:2

"He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him." Psalm 91:15

"Seek the Lord while He may be found, Call upon Him while He is near." Isaiah 55:6

What a sad day it is when we remember the tragic day but refuse to remember the God Most High with our trust and obedience.

"The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble. And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You." Psalm 9:9&10

what a way to go!

Whew!  All the 911 stuff brings up a lot of feelings.  A question has come to mind as I hear the stories all over again.  If I had a hubby who called me to tell me good bye before he met the Lord, what would I say?

The answer comes quickly.  Psalms 23 seems top on everyone's list but for me it would be Psalms 100.  This particular Psalms gives such strength and gives you something constructive to do when chaos is raining down all around you and when you feel the fires heat bear down your neck and when you feel the foundations give way .....

Psalms 100
Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands.

The battle is the Lord's.  What is a joyful shout but a battle cry?  

Serve the Lord with gladness;

... even in difficult times, even in a blaze of fire, even when you storm the terrorist in a plane headed for the White House, even if you are all alone gasping for the next breath of air,...

come before His Presence with singing.

Singing changes your brain for the better even if all you can get out is a few whimpering notes... He hears you.  He is with you.  He is singing over you.  Can't you hear Him singing?

Know that the Lord, He is God; it is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
we are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

We were made by His Hand and He has plans for us.  We are weak.  He is strong.  He is our Hope and all we have to do is trust and obey Him.  What a Great Shepherd He is.  We are NEVER EVER FORSAKEN!  Keep marching onward! 

Enter into His Gates with Thanksgiving, and into His Courts with Praise, be thankful to Him, and bless His Holy Name.

If is time to go on into Glory what better way to do so than with thanksgiving when meeting God face to face.  If is time to stay here and come before Him in prayer and all is taken from my hand, it is His plan not my own and I will come before Him and thank Him for what I did have and will wait upon the Lord for what is and is to come.

For the Lord is good; His Mercy is everlasting, and His Truth endures to all generations.

Yes, the kids will know not only their earthy father but their Heavenly Father as well.  God is both Protector and Provider.  We shall meet again.  I have the memories.  We serve and love the One True God.  Those who come behind us will know of our love for each other but more importantly for our Lord and Master.

The visuals are overloading my mind as I step into the 'shoes'.  I am sure the emotions would be raw and the cracks would be in my voice but what strength I find in Psalms 100 and would want to give it out to my loved ones whether or not it was me facing the my final (finest) hours or it was my loves ones.  

O to enter HIS GATES a shouting!!!!!  with all the JOY within me bursting out of all my seams!  What a way to go!!!!  

There Is a Mystery in Human Hearts

There is a mystery in human hearts,
And though we be encircled by a host
Of those who love us well and are beloved,
To every one of us, from time to time,
There comes a sense of utter loneliness.
Our dearest friend is 'stranger' to our joy,
And cannot realize our bitterness.
"There is no one who really understands,
No one to enter in all I feel";
Such is the cry of each of us in turn
We wander in a 'solitary way.'
No matter what or where our lot may be,
Each heart, mysterious even to itself,
Must live its inner life in solitude.
And would you know the reason why this is?
It is because the Lord desires our love,
In every heart He wishes to be first,
He therefore keeps the secret key Himself,
To open all its chambers and to bless
With perfect sympathy and holy peace,
Each solitary soul which comes to Him.
And when beneath some heavy cross you faint,
And say, "I cannot bear this load alone," you say the truth.
God made it purposely
So heavy that you must return to Him,
The bitter grief, which 'no one understands,'
Conveys a secret message from the King,
Entreating you to come to Him again.
You cannot come too often or too near.
The God of Mercy is infinite in grace,
His Presence satisfies the longing soul
And those who walk with Him from day to day
Can never have 'a solitary way.'
~author unknown


I groin heavily in my solitary way.  There is something distinctive about presence especially when it someone captures your mind, heart and soul.  When that presence is gone for too many days, an undertow pulls the heart down.  What a comfort that there is a PRESENCE that is bigger than any other.  What fullness of JOY.  What a pleasure to bask in His Smile and to have His Arms enfold me close.  {joyful sigh}  Psalms 16:11

keep the faith ...

Our new church of a year has celebrated its 175th birthday yesterday.  Hearing all the cool history was great and seeing it was cool.  This was back before Abraham Lincoln was known.  There was a 200 year old Bible from one of the members that was written in Old English.  WOW!!  As I was taking it all in a whisper kept calling me so much so that I had to tell it here.

~~~ Huge photos of yesteryear blown up huge on either side of me on walls.  The eyes are drawing me in and I am trying to hear what they are trying to say to me. Can you hear what they are saying?  Could it be the same thing the early church said and echos through the channels of history?
"Keep the faaaaaaith....  Keeeeep the faaaaaaith ..... keeeeeep the faith..... KEEP THE FAITH! Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap a harvest if we faint not. " Galatians 6:9 ~~~

I know a bit "Dead Poet's Society" but that was what I was hearing inside my head.  Matthew 24 has been on my mind lately.  All around me I see the Love growing cold and it makes me shiver inside.  I don't know how are young are going to survive!

Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold,  but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.  Matthew 24:12&13


What a tall order in these days but I must keep the faith.  I must keep the love.  I must keep the gratitude.  I want that crown of JOY.  I want those behind me to see His Path.... and want His Love for themselves....

presence ...

"Thy Presence is fullness of Joy."

When that special someone walks into the room, you feel like your insides are inside out beaming.  A twinkle flashes in your eyes.  A smile rests upon your lips.  After the flutter a peaceful calm overtakes your beating heart.  Everything is alright.

When the presence is gone for awhile, you begin to wilt and fade.  Life is harder.  Choices make no sense.  The feet begin to drag.  The eyes begin to weep.  

Today I knew that work was going to be a bit crazy and for some reason I am feeling a bit soft.  I think it is the stage of life I am going through and the allergies I am trying to get through this hot miserable summer make me extra tired and frustrated.  I am doing pretty good yet I feel a fragile crack could surface.  

I have a special someone that makes me feel full and 'purry' (made up word!) like a cat with a tummy full of milk.  I like the hearing him laugh through the email.  I enjoy him.  I love his presence.  He is a bit out of pocket at the moment but I don't want that add to the drag I am feeling.

I kept whispering "Thy Presence is fullness of JOY" ~ Psalms 16:11.  I needed God today.  At nighttime I feel His Comfort when I remember that He will never leave me nor forsake me.  I will curl up under the covers and fall asleep assured of His Faithfulness every night. ~ Psalms 92:2  That is good for evening but I wanted to feel that glow of LovingKindness come walking through the door.  I want that Hello and that Hand in my hand.  I want His Mighty Arms around me.  That is why I am so thankful for the Most High.  Morning and evening He is Ever near.  I need to remember to greet Him with open arms every morning and pull Him close every evening.  

Thank You for loving me and keeping me, oh My Savior!

It is good to give thanks to the Lord,

and to sing praises to Your Name, O Most High;

To declare Your LovingKindness in the morning,

and Your Faithfulness every night.

~ Psalms 92:1&2


You have made known to me the path of life;
You will fill me with JOY in Your Presence,
with Eternal Pleasures at Your Right Hand.
~Psalms 16:11

taking a wife ...

Cancer took another wife today.  Yes, women are like a fine china teacup and men are sturdy ruff and tuff  fill a man's hand coffee mug but when it comes to death taking a spouse I always thought a woman could handle it better.  No, they don't want too but to be male and to be the left behind seems so painfully fragile.

"A wife of noble character who can find/
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value,
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
Charm is deceptive,
and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
Proverbs 31:10, 11, 12, 25, 30

"A wise woman builds her house"
"those who plan good find love & faithfulness."
Proverbs 14:1, 22

who will help me?

An interesting conversation came up when I went down to help finish up the odds and ends of my little brother's classroom.  He is a counselor for emotionally challenged kids and this year they moved the alternative school to an abandoned elementary school.  He was excited to get a classroom where he could spread out a bit and to keep it a place where kids can come in and relax.  He cannot use any time to prep the room.  He has to focus his time on his kids.  I jumped at the chance to help him flesh out his vision on my days off from my job.

It was Friday before school started for the year.  I arrived 9:30AM and he gave me the low down of what he wanted to finish for the day.  So I set about cutting out maps and other things as he was dragged off to help newbies.  In fact he spent most of his time helping others out.  He was frustrated that he couldn't spend more time helping me get his room in order.  I kept telling him that was the reason I came to help.  I was that extra body.  We didn't finish until 8:30PM.

He still fussed a bit saying that "I am helping everyone else and I can't get my stuff done.  Who helps me?" What blurted out of my mouth was quite profound because I spent no time thinking about it.  "You help others and they can't help you but you have other helpers that come along to help you that you probably won't be able to help back.  You 'help' it forward like the pay it forward concept." The minute I said it I knew that I did not believe it to be true.  It just feels that you help and help and where is your help?  I truly knew how he felt.

Even two weeks since, I am still weighing it out.  I know myself well enough to know that I am a helper through and through.  I have the mother instinct and can sense danger before it happens and does something about it.  I have this mother protecter instinct and to think I have no kids.  I am a first born so it does come naturally.  Now that my siblings and I are adults I find that I am now a family keeper trying to keep us all together as life wants to pull us apart.  I notice that this helper instinct is my spiritual gift.  I can come along a leader or someone who needs help and know what to do to help bring their dream alive.  We all need help even helpers.  So what do you do when you are feeling empty and at wits end?

I know that God is my Help.  Hiding away His Word in my heart and resting in His Assurances is a must.  When I am full I can bubble over and fill others .... 

God Sent Me You

sung by: Blake Sheldon
lyrics by: Dave Barnes


I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
And watch as the storm blows through
And I need you
Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
Gave me you

There’s more here than what we’re seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
And I’ll be the flattered fool
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo

Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
He gave me you. 


~~~~~~~


{{{hmmm}}}

Crazy Girl

sung by: Eli Young Band
Songwriters: Elisabeth Rose;Lee Brice

Baby why you wanna cry?
You really oughta know that 
I just have to walk away sometimes

We're gonna do what lovers do
We're gonna have a fight or two
But I ain't ever changing my mind

Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly woman come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, girl?

I wouldn't last a single day
I'd probably just fade away
Without you I'd lose my mind

Before you ever came along
I was living life all wrong
The smartest thing I ever did was make you all mine

Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly woman, come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, girl?
Like crazy, girl

Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly woman come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like

Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly woman come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, girl?

Like crazy
Crazy girl
Like crazy
Crazy girl




*****
{{{you calling me crazy! }}}
（＊^.  ^＊）

as for me ...

When he has been gone for six years and suddenly pops back in your life and forgiveness happens and things are back to normal ... well, normal as in the connection is still there but also the normal of his absence began to accumulate - three weeks to be exact!  {takes in deep breath} No! I wasn't going to go there. I wasn't going to go ballistic but it didn't mean that my feelings weren't a bit raw.  

God answered my prayer in six years when I had expected to find out in Heaven.  What if God gave me my answer to take it back again?  Would I be ok?  Well, I would have to be after an answered prayer that rocked my world.  So... now what?  

I decided I would wait until four weeks had gone by all the while asking God deal with him.  I didn't have to wait that long before I found out from him that some changes where happening in his life and there would be some wait times and maybe longer wait times than the 3 weeks.  Here again it was God working the plans out so that I wouldn't go crazy.  And just like that it zapped my frazzled heart into a calming stillness. 

So this girl is just going to take this really cool friendship in stride.  This guy will have to lead; I refuse too.  But there isn't just two sides to this relationship.  God is the third part and because He has been soooo gooood to me with this relationship, I am at rest and it feels so good.  I know me and there will still be anxious moments but I know how to stop it. 

But as for me,

it is good to be near God.

I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;

      I will tell of Your Deeds.

Psalms 73:28

As for me I chose to love one another and I will keep choosing to love one another  .... 

one another ...

Part of a note I sent:

Worldly ways have infiltrated the Christian walk and we are so oblivious.    The world believes that people are a commodity to use, abuse, spend, and throw away. I can't do that to you. I am human and weak but I am going to trust and obey God in His "one anothers"

• love one another

• build up one another

• live in peace with one another

• confess your sins to one another

• speak to one another 

• admonish one another

• comfort one another

• pray for one another

• bear one another's burdens

I pledge with God's help to be there through thick and thin. I don't plan on throwing you away. I do plan on laying down what we got at Jesus' feet and with pride. I believe we have something profound and unique. Why else are we drawn to each other and able to feel connected. I can't wait to pull back the veil in Heaven to truly see how and why God brought us together. We are just seeds here. 

~~~~~~~~~

His note back:

I so loved the "one another" statements you wrote.

Had to do a quick little study... and found this:

• Joh_13:14  If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. 
• Joh_13:34  A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. 
• Joh_13:35  By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. 
• Joh_15:12  This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. 
• Joh_15:17  These things I command you, that ye love one another. 
• Rom_12:5  So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another. 
• Rom_12:10  Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; 
• Rom_12:16  Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. 
• Rom_13:8  Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. 
• Rom_14:13  Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way. 
• Rom_14:19  Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another. 
• Rom_15:5  Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be likeminded one toward another according to Christ Jesus: 
• Rom_15:7  Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also received us to the glory of God. 
• Rom_15:14  And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another. 
• Rom_16:16  Salute one another with an holy kiss. The churches of Christ salute you. 
• 1Co_11:33  Wherefore, my brethren, when ye come together to eat, tarry one for another. 
• 1Co_12:25  That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. 
• 1Co_16:20  All the brethren greet you. Greet ye one another with an holy kiss. 
• 2Co_13:12  Greet one another with an holy kiss. 
• Gal_5:13  For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.
• Gal_6:2  Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. 
• Eph_4:2  With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; 
• Eph_4:25  Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. 
• Eph_4:32  And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. 
• Eph_5:21  Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 
• Col_3:9  Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; 
• Col_3:13  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. 
• Col_3:16  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 
• 1Th_3:12  And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you: 
• 1Th_4:9  But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another. 
• 1Th_4:18  Wherefore comfort one another with these words. 
• 1Th_5:11  Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do. 
• 1Ti_5:21  I charge thee before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, and the elect angels, that thou observe these thingswithout preferring one before another, doing nothing by partiality.
• Heb_3:13  But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. 
• Heb_10:24  And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: 
• Heb_10:25  Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
• Jas_5:16  Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. 
• 1Pe_1:22  Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently: 
• 1Pe_3:8  Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: 
• 1Pe_4:9  Use hospitality one to another without grudging. 
• 1Pe_4:10  As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. 
• 1Pe_5:5  Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. 
• 1Pe_5:14  Greet ye one another with a kiss of charity. Peace be with you all that are in Christ Jesus. Amen. 
• 1Jn_1:7  But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. 
• 1Jn_3:11  For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. 
• 1Jn_3:23  And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment. 
• 1Jn_4:7  Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 
• 1Jn_4:11  Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. 
• 1Jn_4:12  No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. 
• 2Jn_1:5  And now I beseech thee, lady, not as though I wrote a new commandment unto thee, but that which we had from the beginning, that we love one another. 

love an old book ...

A favorite thing for me to do on Saturday is to visit the local church second hand store. One of my favorite sections to browse besides the glass is the books. A favorite rare find is to snag an old book.

A truly old book usually has a blue or a brown hardback cover and is small enough that it fits nicely in my hand. It is still sturdy and opens itself to lie flat when you study its contents. There is no stiff awkward introduction. It is amiable like an old friend waiting for your visit.

I found such an old friend when I saw Halley's Bible Handbook for just $1. I brought it home.  It felt good in my hands.  That got me to thinking about how I favor these old books best.  You don't have to treat with care in order not to break the binding but I will be careful just because that is how I am with books.  They also make you wonder who had them before you and what treasure they found in them.  Now resting in my care I can't wait to touch and discover my own treasures.  Who needs the digital books?

too much ...?

"Sometimes we expect more from others 
because we would be willing to do that much for them."

I do jump in for all its worth and express profusely like a painter in a mad frenzy with colors flying in amazing array to get this astounding vision from mind to canvas.  I find the only reason to jump is because I am moved from deep within my heart and soul.  I am a sensitive and an unique.  I feel acutely.  I see with wild abandon.  I know where I am not wanted and most of the time I know not to throw my pearls in with the pigs.

But what do you do with those special people that the connection is strong and you give everything you got but they cannot do the same back?  It is like they are dancing on my wound and it hurts like sharp knives in my heart.  Do I change that part of me that keeps and cherishes with childlike wonder?  Do I stop expressing with childlike abandon?  Oh no, I don't.  One cannot change what the Creator has created unique and beautiful nor do I want to.  I have done that before and won't do that again.

If they cannot give the same back to me, do I see it as their handicap?  Expectations would be low.  Whatever they could offer, I would enjoy and keep.  They are just locked up.  See, I could just wrap this special person in a box and wrap a bow up all neat and orderly.  I know if I could do that it wouldn't hurt so much!  However, I long for him to be free of all that is making him run.  {Sigh}

I know I must trust and obey God.  I must love one another.  I must wait quietly.  I must be faithful in this relationship.  If Joseph of the OT could be faithful in all of his relationships surely I can to.  I must honor God's staging.  There are great things to come.  Wasn't it an answered prayer when this special someone came back into my life?  I thought sure I would never know until I reached Heaven's shore.  But my mind ponders what God is planning but that isn't my job!

Too much?  Sadly, I still have no answer for that.  No, I do have an answer.  I will express.  I will be wait quietly.   I will pray.  I will create with wild abandon!  I will feverish write here in this sacred place.  Maybe I won't scare him off with my crazy brain overload but then again I just might have already.  Yikes!

The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord;

He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases.

~ Proverbs 21:1 ~


This is what the Sovereign Lord,
the Holy One of Israel, says:
"In repentance & rest
is your salvation,
in quietness & trust is your strength..."
~ Isaiah 30:15 ~

burden or blessing...

Have you ever felt that you were more of a burden than a blessing?  Where the words 'I am not a very good friend, and I don't know to what capacity I'm able to be a friend to you' come back to haunt you in the dark places of your mind?  Where you are just a time slot penciled in a spot that may just fill up at the last minute and because you have no priority status all that is left of 'you' is a grey pencil smear in an appointment page long tossed out? Have you ever just felt so tired of your heart breaking in a millions pieces that there is no more heart to care and all you want is to feel happy again but then why hope?  And if you are sooooo tired soooo sick of being tired, won't you do something extremely drastic enough that might mean an end to the friendship you so very much want to keep?

Why is it that I want this friendship so bad?  Why is it that with all the busyness that I have added to my life to stave off the wolves of loneliness will I add this friendship to priority status and not even think of it as another thing I have to do?  Momma always said 'you will do something about the things that are important to you' and I will hold to that like a dog with his favorite bone.  Yet, I feel that tired coming on.  It is like a numbness seeping in the edges of my heart and threatening to stop it cold.  That is frightening...

All I could do was make an inaudible whisper to my Heavenly Father for strength and shelter.  Like always He comes through.  Today it was a song I heard twice and I whispered a Thank YOU.

No One Ever Cared Like Jesus 
I would love to tell you what I think of Jesus,
Since I found in Him a friend so strong and true.
I would tell you how
He changed my life completely;
He did something no other friend could do.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.

All my life was full of sin when Jesus found me;
All my heart was full of misery and woe,
Jesus placed His strong arms about me
And He led me in the way I ought to go.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.
Ev'ry day He comes to me with new assurance;
More and more I understand His word of love.
But I'll never know just why He came to save me,
Till someday I see His blessed face above.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.  
~Lyrics and Composer: Charles Frederick Weigle, 1932

to be made perfect ...

"God doesn't give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need to help you, to hurt you, to have you, to love you, and to make you into the person you were meant to be."

I saw this quote and wrote it down. I wanted to think about it. Is this true? Is it Biblical?

I have this special person that came into my life. There is such a connection that it indescribable. I've learned so much from him and then he hurt me by his disappearance even though it was not his intention. God taught me so much in those bleak days that the wound isn't something I will give up. It is liked I earned it and painfully. It is mine. I want to remember and never forget because God revealed Himself and I have fallen in love God and His Word.  I want to fall more and more in love with God.  To be smitten the rest of my days.... Truly Joyfullllllllllllll!

It is true that God brings people into your life.  This one was most definitely one I wanted.  We had connection and now some history.  We are learning to do the 'one anothers' and to being made perfect for His Glory.

Genesis 50:19 But Joseph said to them, “Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God?20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Pinch me! Is this for real?

I stood at the shoreline and the great ship slipped from view. Every day I would go down to the docks for it's return but nothing. The days turned into weeks then months then years. It was harder and harder to drag myself down to the water's edge. Who wants to be disappointed day after day? Would this great ship return?

God and I had many discussions over my broken heart. I could not bare being abandoned. I wanted the journey and the adventure. I wanted to belong. By belonging I wasn't a misfit anymore. What more could I have done?

So the Master took me out onto the mighty ocean full of froth and rolling waves. With each massive storm, I would run to the 'sleeping' Christ with my fear. Each time He would still the winds and waves, I would feel the heat rise into the cheeks remembering the Bible story of this very thing. Over time I began to talk back my fear with God's Word and the seas would dissipate and I would find the Heavenly Father's Arms about me.

Then sometimes the sea lessons where gentle reminders to hold the faith.  One of my favorite Bible stories is were God gave Joseph a moment to engage his own brothers without them knowing. To see their heart without revealing his. So last Thursday{{June 16th}} noon when J Vernon McGee was talking about Joseph, my ears perked up.  He said Joseph was faithful in ALL his relationships. It stung my sensitive heart. I needed to be faithful in my own relationships even with that great ship that disappeared from my horizon.

Who would thought hours later before crawling into bed, God answered my tattered long-suffering prayer. The very prayer I thought would not get answered until I stepped foot in Heaven. That great ship that sailed out view six years ago came back. It gave eminent shock. I was afraid my heart would never be same.

I prayed about this moment.  Would I remain soft and loving and welcome back or would I harden the heart? Could I be like Joseph of old?

yup, you definitely forgot ...

(You Forgot To) Remember

By IRVING BERLIN

[1st verse:]

One little kiss, a moment of bliss, then hours of deep regret

One little smile, and after a while, a longing to forget

One little heartache left as a token

One little plaything carelessly broken

[Refrain:]

Remember the night, the night you said, "I love you"

Remember

Remember you vowed by all the stars above you

Remember

Remember we found a lonely spot

And after I learned to care a lot

You promised that you'd forget me not

But you forgot to remember

[2nd verse:]

Into my dreams you wandered it seems, and then there came a day

You loved me too, my dreams had come true, and all the world was May

But soon the Maytime turned to December

You had forgotten, do you remember?

[Refrain:]

Remember the night, the night you said, "I love you"

Remember

Remember you vowed by all the stars above you

Remember

Remember we found a lonely spot

And after I learned to care a lot

You promised that you'd forget me not

But you forgot to remember

Wow, just heard this song for the first time. I had to find the words ...

Yup, you forgot to remember me but I can't stop remembering you. All it was was a good friendship with potential right? Oh well... Time has helped a little ... well, a whole lot. It still burns me... that I am so forgettable. I am a keeper.... but no one keeps things any more. I have gotten on ... I am a whole lot better too. The wound has healed but the scar tissue isn't soft like baby skin. It is tender but a bit harder. Keep me - is all I ever wanted but now I will never admit it. Jesus Christ was forsaken so that I will never be..... I'll stick to that. Doesn't is say in the Word, ... ' a faithful man, who can find?'

caught by their naughtiness ...

Today as I was listening to Proverbs 11 being read aloud, I couldn't help but notice how many times the unrighteous was mentioned. It seemed that my ears where extra sensitive because of recent events where we heard of America's bad guy's demise.

6 The righteousness of the upright delivers them,
but the unfaithful are trapped by evil desires.

7 Hopes placed in mortals die with them;
all the promise oft their power comes to nothing.

8 The righteous person is rescued from trouble,
and it falls on the wicked instead.

When you go days, weeks, months, years on life's journey and you feel like you are going on where and the wicked around you revel in their pleasures and desires, you wonder when things will go your way for once. Then bam out of the blue you see that wickedness doesn't pay. Hope rises again...

I often wonder when a wicked person dies what the next moments are like when what they choose to be meets up with the Almighty...

Infectious . . .

I was NOT going to go Royal Wedding crazy. I have a bad taste about what we all did to Lady Diana. Plus, I didn't get to watch Diana's wedding because I had to go to school. I did to go to England for a school band trip and got to see some Royal sites like the castles and changing of the guard etc. So seeing the sites that I got to see up close and personal all dressed up would be the best part for me or so I thought.

Dad and I have indulged Mom with her giddy excitement but I was not going to cave. I had to work - overtime to boot. Tv would have endless clips. I went to bed and surfaced a bit before 4AM. So I thought why not check the world clock converter and the schedule. Then i snoozed till five. I think I subconsciously knew how I would react and yet was a bit surprised.

As I have gotten older, I have tear ducts that overrun at any that moves me. So what made me tear up? No, it wasn't over Kate's dress but over the boys! They are young men yet with boyish charm in their rudy cheeks. All dressed in their military uniforms they were touchable and human. So why the uncontrolled tears? There is this verse in Proverbs 30 that always intrigues me. "There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: ... the way a man is with a young woman." (verses 18-19) This is my reason for tears. Here is a young man who chose a woman to be his wife and there is no disappearing. It is something to see them together. They are so at ease with each other.

Sure I loved Kate's dress but Pip's dress is what I would want to wear. I loved the trees inside the church. It reminded me of the broken castle in the movie Everafter. I loved Harry's look back at the bride as his brother would not look at her dress until she stood by him. I loved her 'wow' when coming out to the balcony and her giggle after their second kiss. I totally love the ascot car they used to go to their reception. What I loved most was the actual message in the ceremony. It spoke of the true meaning behind marriage if only ears would actually hear.

As I went about my day, certain observations came like how smooth Kate seem to be. I heard someone describe her as a swan gliding on smooth water. I like that picture. It made me desire to have that confident stillness.

The other thing that amazed me that in this modern age I did not have to get out of bed to switch on the tv. I could stay in bed watch it on my iPod. They have an app for that.

Well, it has been a long day and my emotions have bottomed out. I hope that sleep comes and come soundly. So much for NOT going Royal Wedding crazy.

beauty ...

God designed little girls with an ache of beauty in their little souls. Am I beautiful? is always on their little minds. It does not change when little girls are grown woman; it just intensifies.

I was listening to Psalms 96 and verse six just clicked "Honor and majesty are before Him: strength and beauty are in His sanctuary." Isn't that something that Beauty dwells in God's sanctuary?

My brain went to the Proverbs 31 woman. Verse 30 says "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." Now this is God's definition of Beauty and truly is the fountain of youth eternal. I like that it is indwelling and that it can be carried within me.

Yet, when the evening comes and I am tuckered out, I just want to hide because my nerves are so shot. Or when I feel the welling of frustrated anger began to rage within because I'm not heard. What better place to hide out than His Sanctuary where Beauty and Strength gather. Sometimes I feel so depleted of anything good let alone beauty that escaping to something bigger than me is quite appealing. That is why I like Psalms 96:6 so much. It is a promise that I cherish.

This ragged dirty weather beaten girl can run to His Sanctuary. Here I can trade in my heated tears. Here I can let the Beauty soothe away the heavy creases in my life. Here is where I get back in line with His commands. Here is where I let go of what I wanted to keep tight. Here is where I lean into God's Strength. His Sanctuary allows for the smile to creep into my heart and face. This is my perfect hideaway.

to ask is to seek …

The teacher-learner in me always likes a new take on a subject to open up new worlds and to kick up a bit of passion for it. The subject is the Bible and the new take is five questions and the target audience would be teenagers - well, any age works! What a great way to get a teenager to think and to see how they tick. Just by thinking and swirling it around in the brain could just help them to seek God.

But then again I live in my brain. Questions are king. I like asking them. I like figuring them out or let them haunt.

Oh, let's get on with the five questions already! These questions come from Pastor Adrian Rogers. Let me share them with you.

1. Is there a command to obey?
2. Is there a promise to claim?
3. Is there a sin to avoid?
4. Is there a lesson to learn?
5. Is there a truth to carry with you?

I love these questions.