who will help me?

An interesting conversation came up when I went down to help finish up the odds and ends of my little brother's classroom.  He is a counselor for emotionally challenged kids and this year they moved the alternative school to an abandoned elementary school.  He was excited to get a classroom where he could spread out a bit and to keep it a place where kids can come in and relax.  He cannot use any time to prep the room.  He has to focus his time on his kids.  I jumped at the chance to help him flesh out his vision on my days off from my job.

It was Friday before school started for the year.  I arrived 9:30AM and he gave me the low down of what he wanted to finish for the day.  So I set about cutting out maps and other things as he was dragged off to help newbies.  In fact he spent most of his time helping others out.  He was frustrated that he couldn't spend more time helping me get his room in order.  I kept telling him that was the reason I came to help.  I was that extra body.  We didn't finish until 8:30PM.

He still fussed a bit saying that "I am helping everyone else and I can't get my stuff done.  Who helps me?" What blurted out of my mouth was quite profound because I spent no time thinking about it.  "You help others and they can't help you but you have other helpers that come along to help you that you probably won't be able to help back.  You 'help' it forward like the pay it forward concept." The minute I said it I knew that I did not believe it to be true.  It just feels that you help and help and where is your help?  I truly knew how he felt.

Even two weeks since, I am still weighing it out.  I know myself well enough to know that I am a helper through and through.  I have the mother instinct and can sense danger before it happens and does something about it.  I have this mother protecter instinct and to think I have no kids.  I am a first born so it does come naturally.  Now that my siblings and I are adults I find that I am now a family keeper trying to keep us all together as life wants to pull us apart.  I notice that this helper instinct is my spiritual gift.  I can come along a leader or someone who needs help and know what to do to help bring their dream alive.  We all need help even helpers.  So what do you do when you are feeling empty and at wits end?

I know that God is my Help.  Hiding away His Word in my heart and resting in His Assurances is a must.  When I am full I can bubble over and fill others .... 

God Sent Me You

sung by: Blake Sheldon
lyrics by: Dave Barnes


I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
And watch as the storm blows through
And I need you
Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
Gave me you

There’s more here than what we’re seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
And I’ll be the flattered fool
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo

Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
He gave me you. 


~~~~~~~


{{{hmmm}}}

Crazy Girl

sung by: Eli Young Band
Songwriters: Elisabeth Rose;Lee Brice

Baby why you wanna cry?
You really oughta know that 
I just have to walk away sometimes

We're gonna do what lovers do
We're gonna have a fight or two
But I ain't ever changing my mind

Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly woman come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, girl?

I wouldn't last a single day
I'd probably just fade away
Without you I'd lose my mind

Before you ever came along
I was living life all wrong
The smartest thing I ever did was make you all mine

Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly woman, come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, girl?
Like crazy, girl

Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly woman come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like

Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly woman come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, girl?

Like crazy
Crazy girl
Like crazy
Crazy girl




*****
{{{you calling me crazy! }}}
（＊^.  ^＊）

as for me ...

When he has been gone for six years and suddenly pops back in your life and forgiveness happens and things are back to normal ... well, normal as in the connection is still there but also the normal of his absence began to accumulate - three weeks to be exact!  {takes in deep breath} No! I wasn't going to go there. I wasn't going to go ballistic but it didn't mean that my feelings weren't a bit raw.  

God answered my prayer in six years when I had expected to find out in Heaven.  What if God gave me my answer to take it back again?  Would I be ok?  Well, I would have to be after an answered prayer that rocked my world.  So... now what?  

I decided I would wait until four weeks had gone by all the while asking God deal with him.  I didn't have to wait that long before I found out from him that some changes where happening in his life and there would be some wait times and maybe longer wait times than the 3 weeks.  Here again it was God working the plans out so that I wouldn't go crazy.  And just like that it zapped my frazzled heart into a calming stillness. 

So this girl is just going to take this really cool friendship in stride.  This guy will have to lead; I refuse too.  But there isn't just two sides to this relationship.  God is the third part and because He has been soooo gooood to me with this relationship, I am at rest and it feels so good.  I know me and there will still be anxious moments but I know how to stop it. 

But as for me,

it is good to be near God.

I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;

      I will tell of Your Deeds.

Psalms 73:28

As for me I chose to love one another and I will keep choosing to love one another  .... 

one another ...

Part of a note I sent:

Worldly ways have infiltrated the Christian walk and we are so oblivious.    The world believes that people are a commodity to use, abuse, spend, and throw away. I can't do that to you. I am human and weak but I am going to trust and obey God in His "one anothers"

• love one another

• build up one another

• live in peace with one another

• confess your sins to one another

• speak to one another 

• admonish one another

• comfort one another

• pray for one another

• bear one another's burdens

I pledge with God's help to be there through thick and thin. I don't plan on throwing you away. I do plan on laying down what we got at Jesus' feet and with pride. I believe we have something profound and unique. Why else are we drawn to each other and able to feel connected. I can't wait to pull back the veil in Heaven to truly see how and why God brought us together. We are just seeds here. 

~~~~~~~~~

His note back:

I so loved the "one another" statements you wrote.

Had to do a quick little study... and found this:

• Joh_13:14  If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. 
• Joh_13:34  A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. 
• Joh_13:35  By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. 
• Joh_15:12  This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. 
• Joh_15:17  These things I command you, that ye love one another. 
• Rom_12:5  So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another. 
• Rom_12:10  Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; 
• Rom_12:16  Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. 
• Rom_13:8  Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. 
• Rom_14:13  Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way. 
• Rom_14:19  Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another. 
• Rom_15:5  Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be likeminded one toward another according to Christ Jesus: 
• Rom_15:7  Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also received us to the glory of God. 
• Rom_15:14  And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another. 
• Rom_16:16  Salute one another with an holy kiss. The churches of Christ salute you. 
• 1Co_11:33  Wherefore, my brethren, when ye come together to eat, tarry one for another. 
• 1Co_12:25  That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. 
• 1Co_16:20  All the brethren greet you. Greet ye one another with an holy kiss. 
• 2Co_13:12  Greet one another with an holy kiss. 
• Gal_5:13  For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.
• Gal_6:2  Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. 
• Eph_4:2  With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; 
• Eph_4:25  Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. 
• Eph_4:32  And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. 
• Eph_5:21  Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 
• Col_3:9  Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; 
• Col_3:13  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. 
• Col_3:16  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 
• 1Th_3:12  And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you: 
• 1Th_4:9  But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another. 
• 1Th_4:18  Wherefore comfort one another with these words. 
• 1Th_5:11  Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do. 
• 1Ti_5:21  I charge thee before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, and the elect angels, that thou observe these thingswithout preferring one before another, doing nothing by partiality.
• Heb_3:13  But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. 
• Heb_10:24  And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: 
• Heb_10:25  Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
• Jas_5:16  Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. 
• 1Pe_1:22  Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently: 
• 1Pe_3:8  Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: 
• 1Pe_4:9  Use hospitality one to another without grudging. 
• 1Pe_4:10  As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. 
• 1Pe_5:5  Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. 
• 1Pe_5:14  Greet ye one another with a kiss of charity. Peace be with you all that are in Christ Jesus. Amen. 
• 1Jn_1:7  But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. 
• 1Jn_3:11  For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. 
• 1Jn_3:23  And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment. 
• 1Jn_4:7  Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 
• 1Jn_4:11  Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. 
• 1Jn_4:12  No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. 
• 2Jn_1:5  And now I beseech thee, lady, not as though I wrote a new commandment unto thee, but that which we had from the beginning, that we love one another. 

love an old book ...

A favorite thing for me to do on Saturday is to visit the local church second hand store. One of my favorite sections to browse besides the glass is the books. A favorite rare find is to snag an old book.

A truly old book usually has a blue or a brown hardback cover and is small enough that it fits nicely in my hand. It is still sturdy and opens itself to lie flat when you study its contents. There is no stiff awkward introduction. It is amiable like an old friend waiting for your visit.

I found such an old friend when I saw Halley's Bible Handbook for just $1. I brought it home.  It felt good in my hands.  That got me to thinking about how I favor these old books best.  You don't have to treat with care in order not to break the binding but I will be careful just because that is how I am with books.  They also make you wonder who had them before you and what treasure they found in them.  Now resting in my care I can't wait to touch and discover my own treasures.  Who needs the digital books?

too much ...?

"Sometimes we expect more from others 
because we would be willing to do that much for them."

I do jump in for all its worth and express profusely like a painter in a mad frenzy with colors flying in amazing array to get this astounding vision from mind to canvas.  I find the only reason to jump is because I am moved from deep within my heart and soul.  I am a sensitive and an unique.  I feel acutely.  I see with wild abandon.  I know where I am not wanted and most of the time I know not to throw my pearls in with the pigs.

But what do you do with those special people that the connection is strong and you give everything you got but they cannot do the same back?  It is like they are dancing on my wound and it hurts like sharp knives in my heart.  Do I change that part of me that keeps and cherishes with childlike wonder?  Do I stop expressing with childlike abandon?  Oh no, I don't.  One cannot change what the Creator has created unique and beautiful nor do I want to.  I have done that before and won't do that again.

If they cannot give the same back to me, do I see it as their handicap?  Expectations would be low.  Whatever they could offer, I would enjoy and keep.  They are just locked up.  See, I could just wrap this special person in a box and wrap a bow up all neat and orderly.  I know if I could do that it wouldn't hurt so much!  However, I long for him to be free of all that is making him run.  {Sigh}

I know I must trust and obey God.  I must love one another.  I must wait quietly.  I must be faithful in this relationship.  If Joseph of the OT could be faithful in all of his relationships surely I can to.  I must honor God's staging.  There are great things to come.  Wasn't it an answered prayer when this special someone came back into my life?  I thought sure I would never know until I reached Heaven's shore.  But my mind ponders what God is planning but that isn't my job!

Too much?  Sadly, I still have no answer for that.  No, I do have an answer.  I will express.  I will be wait quietly.   I will pray.  I will create with wild abandon!  I will feverish write here in this sacred place.  Maybe I won't scare him off with my crazy brain overload but then again I just might have already.  Yikes!

The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord;

He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases.

~ Proverbs 21:1 ~


This is what the Sovereign Lord,
the Holy One of Israel, says:
"In repentance & rest
is your salvation,
in quietness & trust is your strength..."
~ Isaiah 30:15 ~

burden or blessing...

Have you ever felt that you were more of a burden than a blessing?  Where the words 'I am not a very good friend, and I don't know to what capacity I'm able to be a friend to you' come back to haunt you in the dark places of your mind?  Where you are just a time slot penciled in a spot that may just fill up at the last minute and because you have no priority status all that is left of 'you' is a grey pencil smear in an appointment page long tossed out? Have you ever just felt so tired of your heart breaking in a millions pieces that there is no more heart to care and all you want is to feel happy again but then why hope?  And if you are sooooo tired soooo sick of being tired, won't you do something extremely drastic enough that might mean an end to the friendship you so very much want to keep?

Why is it that I want this friendship so bad?  Why is it that with all the busyness that I have added to my life to stave off the wolves of loneliness will I add this friendship to priority status and not even think of it as another thing I have to do?  Momma always said 'you will do something about the things that are important to you' and I will hold to that like a dog with his favorite bone.  Yet, I feel that tired coming on.  It is like a numbness seeping in the edges of my heart and threatening to stop it cold.  That is frightening...

All I could do was make an inaudible whisper to my Heavenly Father for strength and shelter.  Like always He comes through.  Today it was a song I heard twice and I whispered a Thank YOU.

No One Ever Cared Like Jesus 
I would love to tell you what I think of Jesus,
Since I found in Him a friend so strong and true.
I would tell you how
He changed my life completely;
He did something no other friend could do.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.

All my life was full of sin when Jesus found me;
All my heart was full of misery and woe,
Jesus placed His strong arms about me
And He led me in the way I ought to go.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.
Ev'ry day He comes to me with new assurance;
More and more I understand His word of love.
But I'll never know just why He came to save me,
Till someday I see His blessed face above.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He.
No one else could take the sin
And darkness from me;
O how much He cared for me.  
~Lyrics and Composer: Charles Frederick Weigle, 1932

to be made perfect ...

"God doesn't give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need to help you, to hurt you, to have you, to love you, and to make you into the person you were meant to be."

I saw this quote and wrote it down. I wanted to think about it. Is this true? Is it Biblical?

I have this special person that came into my life. There is such a connection that it indescribable. I've learned so much from him and then he hurt me by his disappearance even though it was not his intention. God taught me so much in those bleak days that the wound isn't something I will give up. It is liked I earned it and painfully. It is mine. I want to remember and never forget because God revealed Himself and I have fallen in love God and His Word.  I want to fall more and more in love with God.  To be smitten the rest of my days.... Truly Joyfullllllllllllll!

It is true that God brings people into your life.  This one was most definitely one I wanted.  We had connection and now some history.  We are learning to do the 'one anothers' and to being made perfect for His Glory.

Genesis 50:19 But Joseph said to them, “Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God?20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Pinch me! Is this for real?

I stood at the shoreline and the great ship slipped from view. Every day I would go down to the docks for it's return but nothing. The days turned into weeks then months then years. It was harder and harder to drag myself down to the water's edge. Who wants to be disappointed day after day? Would this great ship return?

God and I had many discussions over my broken heart. I could not bare being abandoned. I wanted the journey and the adventure. I wanted to belong. By belonging I wasn't a misfit anymore. What more could I have done?

So the Master took me out onto the mighty ocean full of froth and rolling waves. With each massive storm, I would run to the 'sleeping' Christ with my fear. Each time He would still the winds and waves, I would feel the heat rise into the cheeks remembering the Bible story of this very thing. Over time I began to talk back my fear with God's Word and the seas would dissipate and I would find the Heavenly Father's Arms about me.

Then sometimes the sea lessons where gentle reminders to hold the faith.  One of my favorite Bible stories is were God gave Joseph a moment to engage his own brothers without them knowing. To see their heart without revealing his. So last Thursday{{June 16th}} noon when J Vernon McGee was talking about Joseph, my ears perked up.  He said Joseph was faithful in ALL his relationships. It stung my sensitive heart. I needed to be faithful in my own relationships even with that great ship that disappeared from my horizon.

Who would thought hours later before crawling into bed, God answered my tattered long-suffering prayer. The very prayer I thought would not get answered until I stepped foot in Heaven. That great ship that sailed out view six years ago came back. It gave eminent shock. I was afraid my heart would never be same.

I prayed about this moment.  Would I remain soft and loving and welcome back or would I harden the heart? Could I be like Joseph of old?

yup, you definitely forgot ...

(You Forgot To) Remember

By IRVING BERLIN

[1st verse:]

One little kiss, a moment of bliss, then hours of deep regret

One little smile, and after a while, a longing to forget

One little heartache left as a token

One little plaything carelessly broken

[Refrain:]

Remember the night, the night you said, "I love you"

Remember

Remember you vowed by all the stars above you

Remember

Remember we found a lonely spot

And after I learned to care a lot

You promised that you'd forget me not

But you forgot to remember

[2nd verse:]

Into my dreams you wandered it seems, and then there came a day

You loved me too, my dreams had come true, and all the world was May

But soon the Maytime turned to December

You had forgotten, do you remember?

[Refrain:]

Remember the night, the night you said, "I love you"

Remember

Remember you vowed by all the stars above you

Remember

Remember we found a lonely spot

And after I learned to care a lot

You promised that you'd forget me not

But you forgot to remember

Wow, just heard this song for the first time. I had to find the words ...

Yup, you forgot to remember me but I can't stop remembering you. All it was was a good friendship with potential right? Oh well... Time has helped a little ... well, a whole lot. It still burns me... that I am so forgettable. I am a keeper.... but no one keeps things any more. I have gotten on ... I am a whole lot better too. The wound has healed but the scar tissue isn't soft like baby skin. It is tender but a bit harder. Keep me - is all I ever wanted but now I will never admit it. Jesus Christ was forsaken so that I will never be..... I'll stick to that. Doesn't is say in the Word, ... ' a faithful man, who can find?'

caught by their naughtiness ...

Today as I was listening to Proverbs 11 being read aloud, I couldn't help but notice how many times the unrighteous was mentioned. It seemed that my ears where extra sensitive because of recent events where we heard of America's bad guy's demise.

6 The righteousness of the upright delivers them,
but the unfaithful are trapped by evil desires.

7 Hopes placed in mortals die with them;
all the promise oft their power comes to nothing.

8 The righteous person is rescued from trouble,
and it falls on the wicked instead.

When you go days, weeks, months, years on life's journey and you feel like you are going on where and the wicked around you revel in their pleasures and desires, you wonder when things will go your way for once. Then bam out of the blue you see that wickedness doesn't pay. Hope rises again...

I often wonder when a wicked person dies what the next moments are like when what they choose to be meets up with the Almighty...

Infectious . . .

I was NOT going to go Royal Wedding crazy. I have a bad taste about what we all did to Lady Diana. Plus, I didn't get to watch Diana's wedding because I had to go to school. I did to go to England for a school band trip and got to see some Royal sites like the castles and changing of the guard etc. So seeing the sites that I got to see up close and personal all dressed up would be the best part for me or so I thought.

Dad and I have indulged Mom with her giddy excitement but I was not going to cave. I had to work - overtime to boot. Tv would have endless clips. I went to bed and surfaced a bit before 4AM. So I thought why not check the world clock converter and the schedule. Then i snoozed till five. I think I subconsciously knew how I would react and yet was a bit surprised.

As I have gotten older, I have tear ducts that overrun at any that moves me. So what made me tear up? No, it wasn't over Kate's dress but over the boys! They are young men yet with boyish charm in their rudy cheeks. All dressed in their military uniforms they were touchable and human. So why the uncontrolled tears? There is this verse in Proverbs 30 that always intrigues me. "There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: ... the way a man is with a young woman." (verses 18-19) This is my reason for tears. Here is a young man who chose a woman to be his wife and there is no disappearing. It is something to see them together. They are so at ease with each other.

Sure I loved Kate's dress but Pip's dress is what I would want to wear. I loved the trees inside the church. It reminded me of the broken castle in the movie Everafter. I loved Harry's look back at the bride as his brother would not look at her dress until she stood by him. I loved her 'wow' when coming out to the balcony and her giggle after their second kiss. I totally love the ascot car they used to go to their reception. What I loved most was the actual message in the ceremony. It spoke of the true meaning behind marriage if only ears would actually hear.

As I went about my day, certain observations came like how smooth Kate seem to be. I heard someone describe her as a swan gliding on smooth water. I like that picture. It made me desire to have that confident stillness.

The other thing that amazed me that in this modern age I did not have to get out of bed to switch on the tv. I could stay in bed watch it on my iPod. They have an app for that.

Well, it has been a long day and my emotions have bottomed out. I hope that sleep comes and come soundly. So much for NOT going Royal Wedding crazy.

beauty ...

God designed little girls with an ache of beauty in their little souls. Am I beautiful? is always on their little minds. It does not change when little girls are grown woman; it just intensifies.

I was listening to Psalms 96 and verse six just clicked "Honor and majesty are before Him: strength and beauty are in His sanctuary." Isn't that something that Beauty dwells in God's sanctuary?

My brain went to the Proverbs 31 woman. Verse 30 says "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." Now this is God's definition of Beauty and truly is the fountain of youth eternal. I like that it is indwelling and that it can be carried within me.

Yet, when the evening comes and I am tuckered out, I just want to hide because my nerves are so shot. Or when I feel the welling of frustrated anger began to rage within because I'm not heard. What better place to hide out than His Sanctuary where Beauty and Strength gather. Sometimes I feel so depleted of anything good let alone beauty that escaping to something bigger than me is quite appealing. That is why I like Psalms 96:6 so much. It is a promise that I cherish.

This ragged dirty weather beaten girl can run to His Sanctuary. Here I can trade in my heated tears. Here I can let the Beauty soothe away the heavy creases in my life. Here is where I get back in line with His commands. Here is where I let go of what I wanted to keep tight. Here is where I lean into God's Strength. His Sanctuary allows for the smile to creep into my heart and face. This is my perfect hideaway.

to ask is to seek …

The teacher-learner in me always likes a new take on a subject to open up new worlds and to kick up a bit of passion for it. The subject is the Bible and the new take is five questions and the target audience would be teenagers - well, any age works! What a great way to get a teenager to think and to see how they tick. Just by thinking and swirling it around in the brain could just help them to seek God.

But then again I live in my brain. Questions are king. I like asking them. I like figuring them out or let them haunt.

Oh, let's get on with the five questions already! These questions come from Pastor Adrian Rogers. Let me share them with you.

1. Is there a command to obey?
2. Is there a promise to claim?
3. Is there a sin to avoid?
4. Is there a lesson to learn?
5. Is there a truth to carry with you?

I love these questions.

my 15,340 day ...

Dear Heavenly Father,
Of late I have been numbering my days along the lines of noting how in the most alone times of my life, I was not alone. Thank You, Heavenly Father for being there all along. During those elementary years I was learning to obey my parents but ultimately learning to love You. I can see You there smiling upon me as I stood on my faith. Even in those crazy teenage years where I would cry myself to sleep because I was so sad and wondering why You would even create me. What was Your purpose for me? You were listening so quietly but allowing me to discover the importance of valuing others. Then those those lousy self help twenty something years where I kept trying to fix myself, You were waiting to for me to stop and let you God-help me. Then in the thirties where I was choosing the wrong path and yet trying to hold onto You, You were waiting for me to choose You only. Each step of the way, You were there. Even today when I like to take off from work and indulge myself on all things fun, I couldn't and I was scared that it would be another blurring hassle filled day at work. You surprised me again and give me a quiet day where I could catch up. Just what I needed. Thank You that on a special day that was basically ordinary, You cared for me ever so deeply.

As this day has approached, I am more at peace with myself because I am more at peace with You. You gave me the Joy epiphany I so needed and now you are showing me that I do indeed have a very special love story all my own. It doesn't matter that I am single, I've got love! I cannot wait to flesh out Your Passion for me onto paper.

Thank You for Your Gift of Salvation and ultimately Your Presence. I rest most confidently upon You never leaving me nor forsaking me. I am truly blessed.

always Yours,
keeper

His Wing...

My alarm radio popped on and after a hymn, the news blared on about the earthquake and pending tsunami hitting Japan. It's the BIG one. I was reminding myself that it was only Friday and I had to get to work after taking off for a funeral the day before. I reached over to my new bedside bookcase and took "Come Away My Beloved" by Francine J Roberts. I read her chapter 'Stay Beneath My Wing.' Perfect!

"Thus saith the Lord to His people: Shall I create, and shall I not have it in My power to distort? Is it not written that the potter breaketh one vessel that He may shape a new one? Shall I not do likewise? Yea, I shall bring My Will to pass, and man shall know that his will is as a broken straw when pitted against the Almighty.

But My people shall know the protection of their God. Because their heart is stayed upon Jehovah, therefore shall I keep them in My pavilion and shelter them until the calamity be overpassed.

If I removed thee from the scene, ye would have no testimony of My miraculous delivering power. Stay beneath My Wings, and I shall make thee as a tower of strength to which the fearful may run and find safety."

"When though passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee; when though walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be harmed; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. "
Isaiah 43:2

As I began my dialogue with God, I asked if the Hymn would play. Wouldn't you know? "Under His Wings" the hymn played on BBNRadio.org as I hurried to work.

Under His Wings
Under His wings I am safely abiding,
Though the night deepens and tempests are wild,
Still I can trust Him; I know He will keep me,
He has redeemed me, and I am His child.

Refrain

Under His wings, under His wings,
Who from His love can sever?
Under His wings my soul shall abide,
Safely abide forever.

Under His wings, what a refuge in sorrow!
How the heart yearningly turns to His rest!
Often when earth has no balm for my healing,
There I find comfort, and there I am blessed.

Refrain

Under His wings, oh, what precious enjoyment!
There will I hide till lifefs trials are ofer;
Sheltered, protected, no evil can harm me,
Resting in Jesus, Ifm safe evermore.

Refrain

Words: William O. Cushing, 1896.
Music: Ira D. Sankey

My heart is heavy as I hear the tweets from DownUnder. 'Queensland's floods, Victoria's floods, Christchurch earthquake, Japan's earthquake and tsunami with pending nuclear catastrophe just in the matter of three months of 2011. Is the world coming to the end?' Then there is such unrest in the Middle East that set my teeth on edge. Within the church I am hearing the last days are near. It is an unspoken 'Heaven in '11?'

Are you ready? What will it take to convince you that you need Jesus? Is there a lost soul you want to see in Heaven? Is there a dream you want answered yes before He calls you home? Are lost and overwhelmed by everything around you? Have you lost everything? How long are you going to hold on this world with a death grip? How much discontent and turmoil can you take?

Oh, how this world makes you crave and crave without filling. Only Jesus Christ can satisfy our hunger. Come. Ask Him to be your Savior and let Him cover you under His Wing.

"When the earth and all its people quake, it is I who hold its pillars firm. Selah."
Psalms 75:3

Postscript:
Friday night when I could sit in front of the news and use google earth to pinpoint where our Japanese missionary family were located, I was horrified to see that they lived in Sendai right where the epicenter of this quake happened. This was a big jolt of geography! I am happy to report that the family are ok. That is all I know. My prayer is for thus family to be a light and strength to those around them. I am also praying for the parents of a blogger I know who are missionaries in Japan as well...

worldy vs Godly...

CC:
• A boss who pops off without censer and is a 'huffer'. Everything is a problem and a crisis.
• I gave notice that I might need watch my niece when her baby sister arrives. Due the 18th.
• boss is taking vacation from the 18th - 28th and my job has to done immediately and she is my cover. It cannot wait.
• boss huffed and puffed. Her commit was "let's hope baby comes early.
• I let her ruin my weekend. I do not like confrontation and it always ends badly on me.
• Pastor finished up his "conquered conflict" series Sunday night. I felt that God wanted me to do something to end this conflict quickly and Godly. But shouldn't I just cover in love and forget about it?
• I am a stuffer and I am quiet. I hate confronting or trying to talk to my boss because I don't want to end in tears or say something badly. If I did confront, I would have to do through my personality and no other.

• I used James 1 & 3:17 & 18 to ask for Wisdom.
*** do not doubt. Do not be tossed about by what the world does or deems right***
1. pure
2. peaceable
3. gentle
4. willing to yield
5. full of mercy
6. good fruit
7. without partiality or duplicity (hypocrisy or double standards

Boss,
I know we have a problem with our conflicting schedules. I felt it was the right thing to do to alert you on the possible but not definite need to take off to watch my niece when her baby sister is born. I was asked among others so I highly doubt I will be needed but I won't tell my brother no. I am responsible and extremely aware that my job is timely and must be immediate. I am always thinking things through when I ask off so as not to be a burden or as little burden as possible. I feel that is only right to play fair. If I am asked to take care of my niece, I am sure that I can come in the afternoon to take care of production. I really feel there will be nothing to stress or worry about. Things will work out for family as well as work.

I asked off for Tuesday but will have to change that unfortunately to Thursday because of a funeral I need to attend.

My intention for this note is to be respectful to my family as well as my job and to bring down the stress level.

keeper

results:
She came into my office holding the vacation request and the note I attached and proceeded in a civil tone that I would be training a back up for the next two days and then left my office. I was ok with that and a bit surprised that she didn't bring up my note even though it was in plain sight in her hands. She did spout off to the employee who will cover for me that I couldn't take off because she would be in meetings but took it back.

interesting find:
As I was going through my note with a fine tooth comb, different scenarios came to play and also different reactions that might be said. I began to realize that the world's ways are so saturated all around me. I really had to be on point not to react in a worldly way but also not back down on my position of peaceable respect that God desires. Even Christians will critique you through worldly eyes without even realizing it. Always err on the right side! Keep asking 'is this worldly advise or Godly Wisdom'? Have a tough stance on this. I think you will be blown away how easy you are duped!

I am by no means saying that what I did was right. I still wonder but then I go back to 'no doubts'.... there was no major blood shed, no raised voices, no harboring ill will.... it seemed to work...

James 1: 5-8
But if any of you lacketh wisdom, let him ask of God,
who giveth to all liberally and upbraideth not;
and it shall be given him.
But let him ask in faith, nothing doubting:
for he that doubteth is like the surge of the sea driven by the wind and tossed.
For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord;
a doubleminded man, unstable in all his ways.

James 3:17-18
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure,
then peaceable, gentle, easy to be entreated,
full of mercy and good fruits, without variance, without hypocrisy.
And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace for them that make peace.

side note:
I do have a very challenging boss but she is human and will get frustrated to tears. She is a grandma and like all grandmas likes to talk about her grandchildren. She takes on a tough job that no one else likes to do and is very dedicated to it. She has been at this job for way too many years to count. She gets mad and panicky when her job is threatened just like all of us. I know I could not have put up with this kind of job for that long. That is my honor list for her and I need to say it when there are 'grumblings' about... I must respect her and this is my most exacting part of my job...

Expression of lifestyle freedom…

Have you ever noticed that those who live the gay lifestyle say how freeing it is to not hide it anymore? There are no more secrets, no more closets. I have heard the stories that lead them to this 'freedom' and I cannot help but to feel that they now are duping themselves even more. What lights my fire is this expression of freedom. Let me say it like it really is.

There is a freedom like after huge Thanksgiving meal where you obscenely pigged out and now you let down the zipper of your pants and flop out your spare tire. You feel a relief. You no longer feel restricted as you slip into that food coma bliss.

Then there is anther kind of freedom like after a Thanksgiving meal where you only ate just enough to be happily satisfied. You stopped long before you blow it. Now you have a freedom of playing flag football or in my dream world a bit of slapstick hockey.

Both express a since of freedom but only one is healthy... only one is honest... only one is honorable... only one is genuine...

fill the loss ...

She has lost both of her parents to aids. Her care giver also died and they keep saying that she isn't handling it well. Of course they are always telling me that she is super quiet. Well, I choose her because of her sad eyes and I know all about quiet. It is not something you fix. It is personality and we quiet ones have a lot to give in a deep sturdy steady kind of way. However, her correspondence doesn't match a seventeen year old and it is basically the same thing over and over. I highly doubt she even knows my name.

No matter what, I hold onto the quiet troubled soul and wrap her in prayer. I worry that she won't get what I am trying to say so I tell God to rewrite as it takes flight.

My life is vastly different than hers and I can only draw from my experiences to get down into her shoes.

Dear E,

We had a real cold winter with a lot of snow. The cold and flu season is hitting us hard. As I begin writing this letter to you, I don't feel well. All I want to do is sit in blankets and daydream.

Have you ever daydreamed about people coming into your life to stay awhile - to stay forever but they do not?

I have had two daydreams like that. One in my childhood and one in my adult life. As a child I wanted a best friend. I was a lonely child and found books as good friends since girlfriends would come and go. I struggled to find someone who had my back. They only would hurt me and then leave me.

As an adult I wanted a husband. I thought I found one. We had long talks. We had felt like two misfits but in finding each other, we were no longer misfits. However, he vanished and I didn't know why. This loss left me devastated and crushed. I was a mess. It took six years and on some days still counting to get over this loss.

Loss is uniquely painful and devastating. Your story will differ from mine but loss is loss. You walk around wounded. No one seems to care. Everything is left up to you and it is a wearisome burden.

Because it it was all up to me and I wasn't handling it well, I unclenched my heart and gave the loss to my Heavenly Father who promised never to leave me nor forsake me. I let God fill in all the loss with Himself. I gave my festering wounds to Jesus Christ who was wounded and pierced for all my sins. He is Healer of wounds. I still have scars and at times they ache a little but they are proof of healing. The precious and mind-blowing thought is that Jesus Christ still bears the scars on His hands, feet and His side from this wounds from my sin.

It takes time to heal but I have abundant joy and when I feel the loss come on, I talk back God's Word. It is about not letting the evil one tear you down.

Have you dreamed of people staying awhile in your life and they have let you down? Are you crushed? Will you keep your heart shut up tight or will you let go and let God carry the burden? Hard choices but you will find peace.

Often when I feel the old ache coming on and then I get busy thanking God for never leaving nor forsaking me. When I have fallen asleep, the tears are not hot nor angry. Rather the tears are of great joy. I want this for you. You are precious in my eyes but more importantly you are precious in God's eyes.

As I am finishing up this letter, I am getting over my nasty cold and feeling much better.

E, keep reading God's Word. Keep seeking Him! He will meet you there.

Always,
keeper

Psalms 62:1&2
My soul finds rest in God alone;
my Salvation comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my Salvation;
He is my Fortress, I will never be shaken.

Deuteronomy 31:1
The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you;
He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”