Dad's Heart ...

Message received. A value in Dad's heart isn't pumping like it should. Mom said the name. Will have to write it down so I can do some research but my parents have been online (dial-up & cell off) researching themselves so I can't write down the name until tomorrow. All I know is there is surgery and both are meeting with a specialist on Wednesday.

I am not sure what to think or feel. I had a very interesting discussion last night with God. It was good. It was both ways and not just me.

Psalms 27:14
Wait on the Lord;
be of good courage,
& He shall strengthen your heart;
wait, I say, on the Lord!

Psalms 28:7
The Lord is my Strength & my Shield;
my heart trusted in Him & I am helped;
therefore my heart greatly rejoices,
& with my song I will praise Him.

Psalms 31:15 & 24
My times are in Your Hands ...
Be of good courage,
& He shall strengthen your heart,
all you who hope in the Lord.

Psalms 33:15
He fashions their hearts individually ...

Psalms 57:7 & 8
My heart is steadfast, O God,
my heart is steadfast;
I will sing & give praise.

Awake, my Glory!
Awake, lute & harp!
I will awaken the morning.

Psalms 61: 1&2
Hear my cry, O God;
attend to my prayer.

From the end of the earth I will cry to You
when my heart is overwhelmed;
lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.

Psalms 62:8
Trust in Him at all times, you people;
pour your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah.

Psalms 73:26
My flesh & my heart fail;
but God is the strength of my heart & my portion forever.

I love the words of King David. What encouragement! God's Word is MIGHTY!

watchman ...

As I journey my middles path of life, I am feeling more and more weight and attention needs to be spent on whether or not I am being good salt or good light. The urgency to go and to tell of Jesus Christ is getting to a fever pitch. It isn't about actually leaving country and home to do so but to be the light and the salt here right where I am because it is getting darker and darker. The lower lights have burned out.

A good title for my life job is WATCHMAN. I have always been intrigued by this word especially when I would read it in the Psalms. But I found a great piece on this job description in Ezekiel 33:1-9. This job comes with weighty responsibility. If you don't warn those you are in charge over then the destruction that comes will be on your head but if you warn and the countrymen do not heed that warning then it is on their head!

My life touches other lives at work. I see the dangers in their lives. I must speak up and sound the warning. My life job is to spot the lie and tell of God's Truth. If they don't heed, it isn't me they are slapping in the face but God's face..... Still the warning must go out.

I Corinthians 16:13
'WATCH, stand fast in the Faith, be brave, be strong ..."

sleek & strong ...

I love reading about me. You know the stuff where you get an inside look to who you are and what you can be. What better place to learn about yourself than the Bible. Here I don't have to go through what worked for someone else. Rather the Creator of me is the One telling me about myself. So what was I reading?

I was reading about sheep and the Master Shepherd in Ezekiel 34. The Master Shepherd has a slow burn against shepherds who look out only for themselves and do not seek to care and heal the flock! This is scary for today's preachers. Too many of them want church to feel good but as my Dad pointed out 'why make them feel comfortable in church if they are going to burn in HELL?' I do have to take this to heart as NT states that I can go into the Holy of Holy Place. My High Priest is Jesus Christ. So I must remember my responsibility. I am a sheep keeper too. Am I muddying the waters? Heavy responsibility.

What really caught my eye was how the Master Shepherd takes care of His Flock ... "I will search for the lost & bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured & strengthen the weak, but the sleek & the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice." Sleek and strong? Whoa! But you know sheep are not known for their strength nor their sleekness. In fact I would go so far as to say a sheep that is sleek and strong is in impostor.

I do love the sheep passages maybe it is mostly because I love to read about my Shepherd and His Great Love that he has for me. I do what to see Him smile in delight over me. I love His Strength. Often I bring Him my weakness hoping in His Strength.

butterfly = Psalms 23 + Ezekiel 34 + John 16

What is gentleness?

Mr. Aggression strolled into my day and I was taken aback. I thought I completed my tasks to a tee but Mr. Aggression who does not know me made a very bad first impression of himself and was ugly in an email. Now it was my move. Knowing I should just cover it and go on, my tongue wagged instead to the resident Talker. She told our boss and told his boss. ARgh! Why couldn't I keep quiet?

Feeling small, I got out the Fruit of the Spirit for polishing and as I polished them for better absorption in my system. As I drew in the Scriptures for each Fruit, I had to look up gentleness as I don't believe I knew the difference between it and kindness. I now have Gentleness polished and figured out now the task is to display it in my life.

“Gentleness is chivalrous & quiet in nature, having a gracious (covering) & honorable manner to soothe, calm, & tame agitation.”

Does your anchor hold?

robert said...
I see you posted the hymn "My Anchor Holds" some years ago. It caught my attention this morning because today is the 95th anniversary of the death of William Martin, the author. I trust that in your own life your anchor still firmly holds. God bless.
Sunday, August 30, 2009 8:44:00 AM

keeper said ...
Ah Robert! YES, my Anchor still holds more firmly than it did back in September 2005! When my life gets out of whack or I am feeling low, I turn to the Word of God to fill up on the Joy of the Lord. What an Anchor! As I have aged, all that satisfies is what is True and Solid. That can only be found in God and His Word...

The old hymns ring so purely in my heart's ear. Thank you for stopping by. Your simple comment has boosted my weary blog days =)

My Anchor Holds
©

sunshine & persimmon ...

The final push started with sunshine yellow and persimmon orange yarn sat in their own bins but beside each other. There in the local craft store the dots where lining up. The fact she likes purses, color, and fall is coming all made my decision easy to make yet I dragged my heels because I have no confidence in what I make especially a new concept.

I started with the loom several years ago when it made knitting easy for me to teach myself and make it a go. I made hats and scarves but this year my little bro got me a knitting book on purses. I have been in such a craze with my crocheting Amigurumi that this really cool book has been sitting in the corner of my mind marinating waiting for me to make a commitment. I love purses and bags so why not try to translate the knitting instructions to the loom. I already have some loom books and online resources that will help me come with the translation...

I decided on a wave pattern using a loom of a multiple of 12 stitches (green loom with 36 pegs). The wave was 6 rows of at least 12 stitches. I saw a white ribbon with yellow, orange, and a rose color so I was going to do the purse in orange with a stripe of yellow with the rose in the wave. When I took it off the loom, I saw a mistake and I didn't like the rose wave so much and I didn't like the excess yarn in the back so I took it apart and started again. I also made it smaller with about 40 rows. The stripe is still yellow but without the rose wave. I am not sure if I will put the rose yarn in there as an accent or if I will use the ribbon. I took a black and white checkered bandana and made a lining I will sew inside. I have yet to finish it. I am crocheting round circles for the flap. I will either crochet or loom knit a strap. I am thinking of embellishing the flap with flowers and yo-yo's. I hope to do all this tonight!

It might be wishful thinking on my part but I think it would be really cool to make a Japanese Amigurumi patterned mouse to nestle in the bottom of the purse for an extra little wow factor to the gift..... Time is running out! Or maybe I should do the Japanese Amigurumi patterned fish as it would fit the wave theme of the purse! I don't know! If I keep 'dinking' around I won't finish the purse!

Her birthday isn't until the 13th of September but we are celebrating tomorrow with Dad's birthday last week so I really want a completed project!!! Oh, remembering to take a picture would be topping on the cake! Funny, I don't care for orange but for the right kind of orange I shall make an exception!

empty or full?

There is a well in a quaint little town. Two buckets wait on the ledge of this cistern to be of service to the thirsty townsfolk. As they draw up water, one bucket comes up overflowing with good clean water saying, “I am full only to be emptied.” The other bucket goes down into the good clean water saying, “I am empty only to be filled up.”

God's Gift ...

Dear Heavenly Father,
You know I have been struggling with the lack of words. Words that might have been said to show Your Light, to be salt, to be a witness. Yesterday when she was questioning the validity of Your Word, I bubbled forth. It may have been 2 sentences but I had to say the truth.

I could not have done this without the daily intake of Your Precious Word. Thank You for Your Ever Present Help.

It is never about offending another but it is about offending You and about holding true to my love relationship with You. I want Your Face to delight over Your little girl expressing her love for You even if it is a stench to the unbeliever. It is a lovely fragrance to me and a very precious treasure.

''It is a gift for us to take.''

Just a simple sentence for You. I ask for more little steps even if I am a shy girl quaking in her little flip flops because this GIFT of SALVATION is too great to keep to myself. I want others to know YOUR PEACE...

always Yours

lacking words ...

Words can be tied up in a ball lying in the dark corner of my mind. Words sometimes just vanish in thin air like a bubble drifting away on a spring breeze. Words can shout within my 'mind cave' at a deafening pitch but I am the only one hearing as others babble on. Words can be silent until I am alone and tumble around me like 100 beach balls falling down the stairs at me who is crouching at the bottom. Words sometimes just don't mean a thing or maybe they are just so treasured that I don't want them to be diminished by careless hands like those who touch butterfly wings.

Please words - make peace with me... I won't hurt you. I am the one who is hurt... I have not forgotten you amongst my other passions and crafts. You are my first love. Please don't desert me like all the others have. Without expression, I shall wither and surely die. It is harder and harder to breathe....

get bug ...

Last month I bought 'Amigurumi Two' online because of the best deal found and the lack of local craft stores having it or allowing for discount. I also got two other packages in a week's time. I think I got bit by the online-packages-by-mail bug! When my quest to find "hana-ami flower loom' and yo-yo flower makers bottomed out, I got fed up from of making trips and having to come home frustrated.

So I thought that I would allow for a purchase this month for a Knitting Board book that only can be gotten online. Then next month I would get Snow Leopard & the 'hana-ami flower loom'. Then maybe I would stop because of the holiday season that is coming up quick and the pennies needing to stretch out a bit.

Problem - I was talking about the Chronological Bible I began reading in June to my little bro. He got excited because he wanted to try reading the Bible that way. I was going to give him the info but then I thought what a great 'just because' gift for him! However, one thing leads to another - especially when I begin to do comparative shopping between stores. I start putting in other little things in the search box like the Queensland series by Bonnie Leon. I was going to read them from the Library but what are you to do when you can get two of the books for 2.99 each?

So my list grows longer, the finds add up, and the bank empties! Ahh, one thing adds to another. I just need to reign myself in here and behave! So I bookmark for a later date and off I go to dream and scheme.... O, maybe that is the problem! Like all morning I have been thinking of a purse design for a prezzie for my niece in sunshine yellow and persimmon orange yarn. Wondering if I can pull it off and do it in a weeks time!

projection?

I am a learner by nature. Not only do I take my own personal lessons but I take what others say and even their journeys and internalize them so that I can learn w/o all the drama and pain. All good but there is something I came into this week that has me take a step back first before testing it in my life to see if there needs to be a change or not.

I have noticed that people project their paths onto me. I had one person say that I was not honest enough. I have come to realize that this is probably an issue this person has not dealt with in their own life. Why would this person leave without a reason? I call that not being man enough and honest enough to explain ones action!

Another projected her internal conversation with someone that she is having a problem with to so she can practice what she is going to say to that person. She went on and on about how it builds up the negative and when the actual conversation happens it isn't that bad. Well, my internal conversations are NOT like that. It just 'erks' me that people think and put there own stuff onto me.

Another was just talking about shy and how parents can have an influence on it in a bad way. OH Boy! Not something to say to me because I am shy and I had spent a good part of my life trying to change it. Plus, being out of sorts with my life at the moment, I began to internalize it. Then I realized that I need to step back first and figure out if people are projecting or if it is really something I need to address....

To be successful at this, I must bring the pain to Jesus. He will then become my Protector and Teacher.... not man...

what is wisdom?

Oh boy! In this day in age a believer must stay in the word at all times! One of my biggest blessings that I have been thanking God for is the ability to read and have the Bible for myself! I do not need to take someone else's word for it. Over the past few years I have really dug myself deep within the Word. I am more alive than I have ever been. At any time that I feel down and out, my first steps is to the Word. I have been more aware of God's steadfast care and love than I have ever felt before.

It is a sad thing to see a so called shepherd of the flock love Jesus Christ, the servant do-gooder, more so than God the Father who is often described as a jealous lover in the Old Testament. You cannot have one over the other. You may not fully understand one aspect of God over the others but it is a must to hold to all parts of the God-Head. All religions except for a born again believer dismiss Jesus Christ as a prophet but to dismiss God the Father blows my mind. But I am blessed with a good father. I have no problems believing in God the Father. Yet I yearn especially for the men who had bad fathers but are fathers themselves to really look at their own good father feelings they have for their children and see God the Father.

I have gotten off the path of where I was going. I don't know how to address this...

James 3:13-18 was the scripture and what really jerked my chain was the fact that it was called 'Wisdom of Jesus Christ'. I am sitting there with my Bible in hand testing what was spoken. See I firmly believe that good works is a bi-product of my faith not something I should be told to do over and over again. James is telling us what the fruit/good works looks like not telling us must do this if you are to have a saving faith. Faith must come first! God has said over and over again that a good person can do good things but it will amount to zero if there is no Salvation! James said that there is a wisdom that does not come from above but in Proverbs the opposite of wisdom is folly. You must watch what you say and you must use the whole Word not just the NT.

I love how God speaks to me through His Word. While James & Wisdom was being misrepresented, I was in Proverbs 9:10.
"The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom, & the Knowledge of the Holy One is Understanding." {{I can hardly sit still!}} There must be honor and respect that is so lacking in this age. There must be a quiet in order to hear His Whisper! But what do you find? A lot of excess NOISE and spinning. You cannot do anything unless you are filled up! Isn't this what has been said to the mothers? {{feeling the need to pace}} You cannot fill up on God when there is so much distractions. When you haven't searched God in His own Word and do not have an intimate relationship (salvation) and you go out to do your good deed, you are only vainly bringing glory to yourself.

After a family discussion and a week to mull over this wisdom - works thing, I hope to process my thoughts here and come up with questions. Questions are the way to learn.
Q1: What comes first - works or wisdom?
Q2: Is James telling us what kind of works gives us wisdom or is James describing the wise by what they do?
Q3: How do we become wise? good works or coming to feet of the Almighty God & reading , learning, & obeying Him?

Adrien Rogers put it in a nice formula:
faith that knows
+
faith that grows
+
faith that shows
='s
fruitful.

Fruitful is a bi-product of our faith. That is how others know you are rooted in God! And our fruit will bring God glory and not ourselves.


As a believer we must TEST EVERYTHING & HOLD TO WHAT IS TRUE
(I Thess 5:21).

Julie & Julia

I would give this movie an 8. I did have a higher number in mind but I just cannot make myself read the book. I have taken two peeks and have landed on parts that are not to my liking. Crazy but that is me.

What made me like this movie is because the story rings true for me. I am a decade past Julie but I have been struggling with making a go of my dreams. Julie is a girl of 30 at a depressing job and her friends are successful. Talking it over with her husband, she decides in 365 days to make 500 something recipes and blog about it each day. Her dream to write is on the inside just wanting to bust out. This true story has a happy ending of a book and a movie as a cherry on the top.

The movie is two stories intertwined yet telling one story. Both Julie & Julia wanted to find something to do. They choose cooking. And in the end found themselves! It is not just a story about these two women but a story of their relationship with their husbands. I found this side path very warm and delightful. It goes to show that not only behind good men are good women but that behind every good woman is a good man. I long for that but single girls can make their dreams blossom too, right?

I recommend one Kleenex for this movie if you find yourself with dreams wasting especially if you are a frustrated writer like me. However, most are going to find it a happy story which it is indeed. It just struck a chord with me and has been intensified to where it is deafening. I have been going around trying to figure what I can do in 365 days to transform my own life!

I was amazed at her blog journey. Of course it is a happy moment to find good and friendly commenter but does that really exist in the real world? I guess so but it not in my blog world which makes me wonder if maybe I am not a good writer after all. Then her followers started to send her food items! What? Wow! Now that must be a real boost. {{Sighs}}

I am thinking that it might be a movie for my library...

Julie & Julia

***There is one parental disclaimer. The fword is used once.

©

the Potter's wheel ...

Jeremiah, the prophet of God, was told to visit the local potter shop to observe. The pot on the wheel was marred and the potter punched it down to start over and create a pot better suited. God asked His people if He could not do as the potter? (Jeremiah 18) We are to be moldable in His Hands but how often do we find ourselves fighting God and deliberately lowering the His Royal Standard and His High Calling upon us?

God tells Jeremiah to buy a clay pot and take some elders and priests of His people out near the Potsherd Gate. This place is the place where God's people defiled their commitment to God by prostituting themselves to other gods. God had Jeremiah throw down the clay pot and as it laid there shattered in pieces, Jeremiah told of how God would smash His people just like the clay pot that cannot be repaired. (Jeremiah 19)

I have been reading Jeremiah of late. Again God is harping on the issue of idol worship. It is like He is shouting because I have come to part of the Word and day after day of reading it is about God's jealous lover's wrath upon His people. The wrath is horrid! Being a first born, lover of rules, and fearful of authority, I cringe at their stiff neck! Then I look at my place and time to figure out where my own idol worship might be. If God is shouting here and I am just like every other person where lessons are hard learned and often repeated in our lives, I better be listening and taking heed myself.

The Church also needs to take this warning to heart as well. We have dumbed down the songs and dumbed down the pastors. We would rather be like everyone else much like the Israelites who wanted to be like every other nation (I Sam 8:20). This should be a warning! Our 'Sabbath' really needs to be viewed as a wedding ceremony / marriage commitment. Our standards need to be raised high because we have a HIGH CALLING. (Phil 3:14) Much is expected from us... I want to be a pot of honor (Rom 9:21).

in His Hands

vanished ...

Interesting story about a girl who met a boy on a blind date 59 years ago. They fell in love and were engaged. The boy gave her an engagement ring and went off to the Korean War. She sent letters but the letter were opened, read, and were sent back! She figured that was the end and started a life with another man. When her husband had died, the daughter looked up her mother's old boyfriend. Amazingly the old boyfriend was found. He too was a recent widower. They started up their relationship again and got married. She goes back to her home to get her clothes and comes back to find the guy is gone. She is devastated.

I can say I understand the feeling of lost, wanting an old love back, and possibly reuniting. I know because I have had a special someone up and disappear without giving a reason.

However, I know life is a journey. There is so many steps taken without that person and so many changes in my life that how can I expect that person to be the same person if I have grown and changed myself? All I have of this person is the very limited years when we exchanged correspondence and calls. Years have gone by and I still think of looking him up. It isn't really to reconnect but to check up on him to see how he is doing with his life. I hope he would recognize me and welcome me and yes, start up the old dialogue but that is wishful thinking. {{sighs}}

All I have is the guy I once knew. All his dreams, hopes, and his life stories. So I treasure them and shower him with prayers. That is one connection that will never go away - he is a believer. We will meet one day. I had only hoped to add many more memories here on earth before we crossed to Heavenly shores. Leaving him in God's Hands daily...

Maybe this is a reminder that it takes the other person to choose you back in love's equation. Maybe there is something wrong with the other person and God knew best then as well as now this isn't a good gift for a life time but just a good gift for the moment...

my bitter cup ...

.:| Notes from Chuck Swindoll |:.

1. For every disciple there is a purpose to fulfill.
2. For every purpose there is a cup to drink.
3. In every cup there is pain & suffering to endure.
4. Through every pain there is a victory to claim.

John 18:11
Jesus commanded Peter, "Put your sword away! Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?"

Whew! This is pretty difficult to take. It is often my tendency to fight. Wanting to make it work. Trying to grasp it. To learn. Oh, so hard but if Jesus Christ can do and is with me in whatever cup I am to drink, I can do it. {gulp}

Psalms 16:5-6
LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

crushed

reflecting ...

journal gene: If I would give you the wish to tell your 20*something self about the now*you, would you & what would you tell her?

me: It would be very tempting to want this wish granted! I would tell her that there has been no 'the one, no house w/ a picket fence, no love & roses... because maybe she would not have wasted time trying to figure out how to be a good wife and live her single life with a lot of gusto not caring about man's affections. Maybe she could stop the duplicity but I think it would have broken her heart and so, I would say no I do not wish to tell my 20*something anything. Wellllll..... maybe just to tell her that there will be very hard lessons ahead that will be bitter but to keep her heart soft & keep learning... Joy will come to you...

journal gene: If I would give you the wish to ask your 80*something self about your future*self, would you & what would you ask her?

me: It would be very tempting to want this wish granted! Right now I am stubborn enough that if I draw the love card in the next 10 years, I don't want it because I have always wished for the love through the ages... I could easily ask if love came but that isn't wise. And I don't want to know if I would 'fall in love at 80'. I could not comprehend that at this time. I guess I would want my 80*something self to tell me that there will be very hard lessons ahead that will be bitter but to keep on keeping on with keeping my heart soft and keep holding on to Joy. Joy is the greatest companion. And, never ever stop learning...

80yro self: {shaking head} "Oh, girl. Please get over that love thing! Let the God who created you and all of your passions love you! Keep your little hand in His huge one. Be passionate, delightful, and Joyful! That is enough!''

the delightful path ...

I would like to welcome you to another part of me. It is my surface or width of me. Even though I will most likely drop in some depth {I can't help it!}, it is a scrapbook of good things I love. Here I will share text, photos, quotes, chats, audios, & videos, etc. Think of it as coming inside my home and seeing what is on my walls, what trinkets I might have lying around, and what bounty is served on my table. So come & dine. Take a load off. You are invited to the delightful path.

Psst: I shall keep this blog as I am too deep to stay on the surface very long! I will link from here often to my 'scrapbook log' as one is both deep & wide. I hope this will make it richer.

footprints on the moon ...

Once upon an Sunday evening 40 years ago, did a young couple of 3 years holding a baby of 4 months go outside to view the moon that was the topic of the day because man made footprints up there? Did they just gaze into the starry sky leaving each other to their thoughts or did they speak in hush tones about the excitement? Did they feel that this was a turn for the better since there seemed to be such turmoil over Vietnam or did that not really matter because they lived in the Midwest? Did they wonder what possibilities there would be for their little daughter quietly sleeping in their arms that night? Did they wonder what the world would be like for their little one to grow up in?

I have always been intrigued by man walking on the moon and am proud to have been born in that year. I love looking at the pictures of my parents and me back then. It seemed like a softer time in middle America compared to the coasts. Soft sepia memories for sure! I haven't asked my parents about their memories or feelings about that night, I probably will but maybe it should be left to my own imagination of what I would have felt if I had been looking up in the night sky in a more grown up stage instead of the softly sleeping in my parents arms on that starry night long ago...

seeking but not finding ...

I know this person is seeking yet will not hear You & changes the subject to foil my attempts to show You even if it seems this person is unaware doing so... Isn't this person weary of the ways that seem to lead no where?

You were wearied by all your ways,
but you would not say,
'It is hopeless.'
You found renewal of your strength,
& so you did not faint.

''Peace, peace, to those far & near,''
says the Lord. ''And I will heal them.''
But the wicked are like the tossing sea,
which cannot rest,
whose waves cast up mire & mud,
''There is no peace,'' says my God, ''for the wicked.''
~ Isaiah 57

prayer battle ...

.:notes on Prayer from Adrian Rogers:.
JAMES 4
v.3 ... 'You ask & do not receive,
because you ask amiss,
that you spend it on your pleasures'

1. sensitivity to the Spirit
2. submission to the Father (Thy will be done) v.6
3. resist the devil v.7
---the devil fears our prayers
---God intends to win the war through our prayers
4. separation from the world
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I missed the last portion of his sermon and you know the notes need to end in odd number so I am adding a number 5!

5. unification to God
---pure living or clean living
---cleanse heart, mind, & body

The Word says to pray without ceasing and I don't have a problem with that. Living alone and knowing God is always there and always listening, He gets the brunt of my words! But with honesty, I have realized that I have used frustrating words and tended to end up crying. I realized that I was being quite selfish - mainly I was a brat. I have changed the way that I have prayed. I strongly believe that in order to have a good prayer life you must ask yourself how much you pray. Do you pray more than you read the Bible? If you do, you are talking tooooo much. The Spirit prompted that question to me and I was mortified. Here this relationship I have with the Heavenly Father was very much me talking toooo much. I needed to view this as a conversation. If I pride myself in being a listener than why am I not listening to His Words more? Reading the Bible and praying needs to be equal if not more reading scripture.

I can always use encouragement when it comes to prayer. I can always work on my relationship with God.

surface vs depth ...

I need this blog. I know this because when I lost the depth person, I was becoming anger and anger. Then when I was able to think on white screen, I found myself peaceful. It is like being able to exhale after breathing in. I am a thinker and that is who I am. I cannot change it. Yet as my birthday came and went I thought 'Whew, middle age isn't so bad but now I am having major loneliness issues again and what am I do with all that I am?' It seems my work life and my home life are at odds and I become a misfit inside.

When I was able to indulge with another deep person, he always mentioned the desire of meat and potatoes but he never had time to read my (ok, I must admit they were long) emails that where laced with depth. Then when we talked we always had fun and did talk depth until he got too tired and didn't have time for that anymore. Even as he wanted meat and potatoes, I secretly was thinking shouldn't there be some dessert?

My blog counter has recently cleared the map to restart the numbering. It gives you a chance to see what the numbers of visitors have come within the past year. The maps are archived. Sadly, for the 3rd year in a row the numbers have halved. I know my writing has been suffering and I have a new craft addiction and I am visiting/listening to more blogs so maybe I need to figure something out.

The thing I have been muling over is starting another blog on the lighter side or more to my surface and width side of me because yes, there is that part of me too. I never thought I would do another blog and wasn't sure how to do another because this is the place I put most thoughts about all parts of my life. I have not put pictures here because this is the a place for words and I didn't want to lean on pictures even though I am highly visual in my learning. I wanted my words to express the pictures. I must honor my writing and even get back to the creativity of it.

My list of blogs I visit/ listen to has grown over the past year. I have stumbled up hard core crafters and even other crafters who do their art on the side who have some really cool sites for their crafts. Again I don't want the pictures here even though I do talk about my creative side. So what if I create another blog for my visual side that would encompass my life but more light and less words since pictures are said to be worth more than a 1000 words....???

I love blogger. But even though blogger has come along way on the backside of things, I have tried to change the background. That comes with a lot of time and know how. It is just too messy and then I don't write. Yes, they have come a long way with the pictures but I think tumbler is more picture friendly. However, I first have to join to see. I just want something simple and easy so that I can spend more time on the writing or dropping in the pix and go. So maybe there will be another blog that is more friendly to the readers.... will give me the feedback that I am needing ...

King Hezekiah ...

I have been reading about King Hezekiah in II Kings, II Chron, and Isaiah. I must admit that this is the first time I have heard of this king! As I take in his story, I wonder at the relationship between God and King Hezekiah.

Here Hezekiah has been made king and he goes about tearing down not just the idol worship in the towns and country but he goes after the high places where past kings had allowed it. He made sure the Levites who had more zeal than the priests cleansed themselves and temple and then to all the people. King Hezekiah really cleaned house! I was really excited about that because there is always blessing in obedience...

Hezekiah gets sick and asks for 15 more years of life and God grants it. Isaiah writes King Hezekiah's thanksgiving in his book. Then something interesting is mentioned in II Chron. King Hezekiah has a prideful heart! I am scratching my head wondering where this is coming from! I will have to do more research. The king does repent.

Then King Hezekiah did a really questionable thing in my mind and I am still puzzling over it. After he cleaned house and even made improvements on the water ways, he began to show the 'enemy' his kingdom. I am thinking 'stop! don't do that! You don't show all your secrets to the enemy!' Well, the enemy does decide to attack! The taunt the kingdom but the people did not listen as King Hezekiah told them. Hezekiah consults Isaiah and prays. God does provide protection and the enemy retreats.

I cannot pinpoint why I am puzzling over this king. It has something to do with how much God hates idol worship. Here King Hezekiah got rid of allllll idol worship and there was still issues with Hezekiah's life. Maybe is lies in the pride he had. Isn't pride a form of keeping an idol? Maybe I need to turn this inward - it is not about what I can get away with but how purely I can live my life but to do this with humility.

not an orphan ...

Notes from Ravi Zacharias:
With God:
1. son-ship - not an orphan!
2. worship (giving back to God what He has given us/declaring His Attributes)
3. stewardship - we are to be a caretaker of what He has given us - esp life!
~~~~~~~~
I need this as I seem to be on a quest of figuring out what I am to do with my gifts and talents especially what I am to do with the creativity that I have. Again God nudges me as I seek. Love that with Him. He doesn't teach us the answers but gives us problems to trust Him and to find the answers in Him. Darkest before dawn... {{knowing smile}}

Happy 233rd Birthday!

Not sure why the Forth of July is a favorite holiday of mine... Maybe it is because there is soooo much history here on this land. Maybe it is because men were seeking a place to have the freedom to have a relationship with the Almighty God. Maybe it is because so many were seeking a place of refuge. Maybe it is because this place is a place to for invention and creativity. Maybe it is the colors of the flag. Maybe it is because there are fireworks. May it because of Lady Liberty and the quote on her foundation. Or just maybe every time I sing the National Anthem I can actually see Francis Scott Key writing his poem in a boat offshore and looking for Old Glory.

''Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
& you who have no money
come, buy wine & milk
without money & without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
& your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to Me, & eat what is good,
& your soul will delight in the richest of fare
Give ear & come to Me;
hear Me, that your soul may live.
I will make an Everlasting Covenant with you,
My Faithful Love promised to David.
See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader & commander of the peoples.''

Seek the Lord while He may be found;
call on Him while He is near.
Let the wicked forsake his way
& the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the Lord, & He will have mercy on him,
& to our God, for he will freely pardon.
~ lsa 55:1-4, 6-7

He will be the Sure Foundation of your times,
a Rich Store of Salvation & Wisdom & Knowledge;
the Fear of the Lord is the key to this Treasure.
~ Isa 33:6

There is something about seeking ... It seems that it is a universal quest among humankind even if it is not verbal. The Almighty is a believer's Liberty that stands on the Harbor welcoming us home. He is a Refuge and this beggar and alien of God is trying to tell another beggar and alien where the Everlasting Food and Water is...

I know the good USofA is not my home and I am just passing through, but I feel a heavy burden to hold true to what our Forefathers wanted for this country. I feel ashamed that she has turned away...

my Rest

fireworks 2009

It was a chilly night considering it was July! A jacket was a must and a blanket might have been nice too. Ice cream from a near by shop was eaten by some. One treat looked especially good. The outside was a waffle cone, ice cream, and what looked liked a chocolate block! Oh, but the chilly treat would have been more delicious on a hot day not a cool evening even if fireworks where the main event!

A wonderful soft yellow sunset gave way to bruised clouds and stars. Families gathered with blankets and camping chairs to take in the towns fireworks. Fireflies occupied a moment or two of an anxious little 2 year old waiting for pretties to light up the sky. It was way after her bedtime but she hung on. The adults where anxious for blankets and light jackets as the moon shone brightly. What was unbelievable was how many pups were out! Our brood of three was home in their little dens safe from noise. Oh, how they hate them booms.

Small firework shows started to pop but then the two main events began to light up the sky with ooo's, ahhh's, and delightful squeals from little tikes. Lovers snuggled close on blankets, parents and grandparents juggled a 2 year old who wanted to share the delight of pretties rain in the sky, 'Sity, Sity, look pretties!!' One child pierced the night folly with a tortured scream but as the it came to an end, clapping gave the night lights appreciation of a country's freedom fight.

Fireworks by the Lake last night, fireworks on the tube tonight, and more fireworks looking out my bedroom window tomorrow night? mmmm, priceless! Love a good fireworks!

depending on God vs depression ...

Hmmm, it seems I do have a very important choice. When the blues or grey clouds invade my mind like now, I can fall into despair & depression or I can depend on God. Yes, I know I need to renew the mind and I do but what a battle. I still walk in the dark for a while until the sun begins to appear. Yet at times, I feel I am just glossing over and it is just right under the surface only to rear up quicker.

I could try to figure out where the feelings are coming from but that is old hat. Food, loneliness, messed up plans .. I think all selfish motives if I am going to be really honest at the end of the day. I will keep going into training the brain and rereading God's Love Letter especially the tear stained ones about His Great Love for me. I will busy my hands at creating new things and give them away. I will train myself at reaching out ... instead of decompressing...

I could get my soapbox out but I am going to put it away. However, I will keep the soap out and suds away the dirty windows... I do have a lot of nice gifts in the form of family and pups. I have some neglected gifts that I need to bring out and put in the display like old friendships ... kinda scary because Mom says it is like tennis you have to put the ball in the other court so the other can volley... I do put that ball in the other court but I am always waiting for the return... Maybe I need a new picture to understand the game because I don't get it. Then I have some talent that I have no clue what I am suppose to do with it. I have an overflow of glass unwanted and maybe my amigurumi will begin to fall into the unwanted category as well. Ok, better turn the car around ... I also have some gifts like teaching and encouragement that I am not sure what to do with ...

Well, I better go get busy instead of mopping {{lopsided smile}}

Oh, I got fireworks tonight to enjoy! Must take my patriotic music to enjoy with!!! See, I do have great blessings in my life to count and delight in... offf I go to unwrap!

world destruction ...

I looked out upon the earth and found hollywood's great interest in movies about the destruction of the world. It is peculiar as they seem aware that the world is heading into destruction but yet they still don't want to acknowledge God. It is beyond their fascination of destroying monuments that we hold dear too even if man made. The subtle messages are changing too. They use to focus on America saving the day against the 'cold' world or nations. The focus has changed to where the nations come together and work it out. When triumphant, the world is kinder and united. The faith they show people going back to was the Muslim faith. It was like they wanted to show inclusive and better they were!

The earth will pass away and it will be a melt down of fire. For the truth one must read Revelations. Yes, a tough read but a blessing just for reading it. (Rev 1:3).

God has told us what will come and has promised that the world will not be destroyed again by water (Noah & rainbows) but by fire. He has provided the BAIL OUT PLAN but if you want it you must sign your name now not when it is too late. Jesus Christ has paid your ticket in full. See His nailed pierced hands. Now is the time not later. When you find yourself in the too late days and no matter how little there is to hold on to when the world comes under His Heavy Hand, you will be in torment and yet your heart has little chance because every time you say no to God and His Son, your heart hardens more and more...

stars are falling ...

I have looked out upon the earth only to find an obsession over the body. There is an excess of ink like they can't get enough of touch. There is an excess of clothes or lack there of like they can't get enough attention. There is an excess of glossing over whether it is plastic surgery or painkillers. I have looked out upon the earth to see that the bottom line is numb out the pain because in earth's view pain is meaningless.

"Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."
Ecclesiastes 1:2


I have looked out upon the earth only to find that we have not grown up. There is a response as of a teenager. Gossip and rumors flood twitter and then that becomes news. Where is the self control and restraint that grow ups should have? It is sad day to see the earth grow dark when a star falls even when the Sun is out.

'O simple ones, understand PRUDENCE, and you fools, be of an understanding heart. Listen, for I will speak of excellent things, and from the opening of my lips will come right things. ' Prov 8:5-6

Are you seeking? Is there not enough to fill you? Do you feeling worthless? Do you need attention?

Honestly, everyone feels this even if they lie to your face. Man is weak and fails you. Only God can fill you and He never fails... When stars fall, I have the Jesus Christ the Son of God who suffered pain, my pain, so I can give it all to Him to carry. He never fails. The Son never dims or goes out...

Philipians 3:18-21 For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the Cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in Heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, Who, by the Power that enables Him to bring everything under His control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like His Glorious Body

to truly touch ...

I watched City of Angels last night and no, I am not going to go off on the angels bit. However, I am going to have to go off on touch. I am probably going to do a big no no here by using an earthy movie to prove a Kingdom value. It is to put you in my shoes and hopefully see through my eyes...

I developed a considerable relationship. We talked about what moved us. What touches me deeply is words. For this other person it was touch. I felt at a disadvantage because there were many miles of dirt and ocean between us and I wasn't that into touch but was willing to learn. As time progress my heart observed that this person seemed to lack trust but I didn't know how to speak up about it. Now as I look back, this person never allowed me to touch in a non-physical way and there has to be that option open!

Maybe it is the empathy that is so deep seated with me but people are so numb. (I too have to watch my numbness and nip it when it arises). This movie is really about feeling the pain and the beauty and not to waste it by just surviving. Note the pear. Seth had to keep on living and he went into the grocery store and so intent on filling the basket with pears. He could not get enough. He wanted what was and he needed to keep feeling. It was his way of keeping in touch with Maggie who died.

For me I can't get enough of all things Australia. My ears always perk up when I here an accent. Are they pushing the 'a' and the 'r' up through the nose? There is this story of a white haired man on George St in Sydney who use to pass out tracks. Then there are the stories of Australia. This white haired man has touched so many lives that my eyes tear up because I wonder how 'my' person is doing spiritually. Then just yesterday another guy named Ken with 'Answers in Genesis' had the perfect Ozzy accent and I was so into his story of faith. Then the OutBack Steakhouse commercials! Then there are the PBS specials on Australia and I am there soaking up every detail. It is me filling up on the 'pears'. It is me touching and feeling - trying to fill up on that person.

I wept as I talked to God. I have the a blue wooden sign in my living room. It reads 'Its a Wonderful Life.' I am all about TOUCH. Our lives touch other lives but we are so blind to it. It is time to pull back the veil and see just below the surface. It is about getting inside the other's shoes. It is listening and feeling. It is not about being so caught up with just our own selves and lives. I know this person's hangs ups and frustrations. And I think these things has caused numbness and there was no way for me to touch and move this person. So that leaves out the question if this person ever thinks of me... I keep praying for a joy evasion on this person life. This is the one thing I know to touch even if I won't know on earth.

Sighs... It is my soapbox and just another thing that ostracizes me from others... the glazing in eyes as I wax on and on about depth...

If touch is your love language, how do let others touch you in a non-physical way?
If you don't allow someone in on your adventure, how can you end up in the same place?
If you don't let someone in your worse, how can you really know they love you?

What moves you? What is your love language? How can you involve another to what moves you? Shouldn't gratitude involve all your senses?

Now that is something to try -
Involve your senses (even your 6th) in gratitude. Be shaken. Be stirred. Be impassioned. I think your knees will weaken and you will find yourself kneeling before the Awesome God...

Happy 5th Birthday, llj!

I started LLJ back in 2005 after a terrible month of May where a confidant wrote a good riddance letter and I was left sorely lacking in the conversation department. This confidant gave me a place to vocalize all the words that had been trapped for so long. I am a girl even if a bit on the quiet side and girls need to get their word allotment in or they become a not so nice word. One of the things the confidant had put out there was something about doing a blog together. I had begun the research and without his two cents anymore, I begun to pour my heart out here.

LLJ allowed me to vocalize and I found myself more peaceful. LLJ lets me speak and doesn't shut me up. Typing and seeing my words form on a white space gives my brain the allowance to think. It still amazes me that I might start with a very small speck of thought and then as my fingers do the writing dance, my brain begins to form strong thoughts, questions, and confidences.

I had hoped that I my writing would find friendly ears. I had thought this would be a great way to make strong connections and find fellow deep thinkers. I had also thought this would help me gauge my writing and thinking skills but no bites. So I keep training...

I started an addition in the past six months where I couldn't get enough of the Amigurumi world. From this I have grown the blogs I read. I love to listen to other women whether it be about their life, their home, or their craft. Reading blogs, crocheting, and my day job have sorely bit into my writing time. But I am a listener at heart and I find blogs a way to 'make friends' without them ever knowing and without the rejection or I have no time for you or your single and I am married jargon! Lame, I know but it is honest. All those barriers are gone in the blog world. Rock on wall flower girl!

So here is to the 5th year of the joys of writing and listening. May the this Mysterious Adventure I call my life-walk with Jesus Christ be fuller and richer with each new day.

4th bday
blogsphere

to my dear parents,

Happy 42nd Anniversary!

When the world teaches that friendships and relationships are 'throw-away-able', you two have shown the endurance and tenacity it takes in a valuable marriage.

Often when I come home from my family time with you two, I am thanking my Heavenly Father for you both. I am blessed to have your love and help. I cherish us!

When two people fell in love, a relationship rippled out and a family began. You two have shown us the value of having a relationship with Jesus Christ through voice but most importantly through God's Design of His Love via marriage and family.

always bunches of love.
your daughter

Tattered flag ...

I love Old Glory. It is a unique flag with colors of Red, White, & Blue. My home's color scheme is based on these colors from the cobalt blue jars and bottles to creamy stars. Blue is soothing and calm with a confidence to keep at the fight of good. Red is that fight and struggle to keep prudent and not let it be a bad thing to care for the values and morals of this country. White is standing on the absolutes of God's Right Ways.

I always see the Francis Scott Key's flag as he wrote about it so long ago. His eyes beheld a tatter flag. I can't help but see that this beautiful flag has become very tattered and frayed. We no longer put our trust in God and when we do that God no longer blesses us. We cannot cry out 'God Bless America' when we no longer fight for right ways.

Life in the womb is no longer precious nor is the role of women or men. We would rather change our sex or go same sex as an act of defacing the very Creator who created us as such. Yes, the flag is tattered .... and yet we want to be blessed..

"The wise woman builds her house. but the foolish pulls it down with her hands'' Prov 14:1

I have work to do ...

American Flag Day

to keep vs to discard ...

'A season for everything' ... a time to keep and a time to discard - This has gotten me into a real think tank again. I thought I was ok with it but it is a thorn that keeps poking me. I am a keeper hence the name I keep. At the beginning of this blog I had been discarded and it provoked me. I have always been a keeper. Yes, I know I need to discard some things around the home but what really gets the anger flowing through me is when we discard people and relationships. Now don't think that I haven't done my fair share of discarding. I have discarded a relationship that was hindering my walk with God and it wasn't taken lightly. For the most part I tend to keep and there is the issue of holding my hands too tightly.

Father Abraham had to learn the season of discarding by keeping his hands open and offering up Isaac to God in a sacrifice. When Abraham was willing to do so even in much pain, his hands hand were empty so he could hold onto the God-Given promise of the son and generations that numbered the stars to follow. I have dealt with the questions of have I kept my hands open and allowed God the gift He gave me. I know I failed and I wonder if even with the gift gone, are my hands still open?

A modern day story has me wondering about how to know if it is the season to keep or to discard. A son taken by a native Brazilian mother back to her home country and then divorced her husband. She remarried and then later died. The father has been trying to get his son back home but the mother's family is holding on very tightly.

Shouldn't a father go after his son and never give up? How far does he go? Should he give up and if so when? When do you do all you can and when do you let God handle it? What does it mean to let go? Are you discarding if you let go? Or can discarding be a form of empty the hands so you have room to hold on to God's Almighty Hand?

Do not answer the questions to quickly or even at all. This is too hard to fathom. It is too huge for my heart and mind. I am left to wondering if the seasons of keep and of discard are similar in the fact that the main question to ask oneself is what will honor God? Even so, the season to keep and the season of discard is a ripping of the heart....

don't speak ... just listen...

growing faith ...

In a conversation of a friendship that needed to end the guy told the girl that he had never met someone so intent on growing. The girl took it as a compliment even if it didn't seem to be. She was growing and hoped that she could prove her growth by ending this friendship that should not be.

With my years on this earth I cannot imagine not growing. As I look at other earthlings I wonder if they feel the same way or not or if they are just contented with life as is. The boy in above story seems to be one that just takes life as is and himself as is. I find that stagnate and if there is seeking, it is a seeking after things that cannot satisfy. This would drive me crazy!

I am trying to move from strength to strength as described in Psalms 84:5-7.
"Bless is the man whose strength is in You,
whose heart is set on a pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baca/Weeping,
they make it a spring;
the rain also covers it with pools.
They go from strength to strength..."


I was listening to Pastor Adrien Rogers this week and he spoke on growth. I took some notes:
'When you cease to grow you cease to go good.''
*faith that knows
+faith that grows
+faith that shows
=fruitful (not barren)

Add to your faith
virtue
knowledge
temperance / self control
patience
loving kindness
charity
~II Peter 1:5

'It is a precious faith. Give all diligence to grow.'

helpmate for the girl?

I am standing before my beautiful creamy light soft yellow brand new low end refrigerator and I am pleased with the clean, new, and tobacco free smell. I can live with the freezer being slightly smaller! Bummer. I had secretly hoped for a bigger freezer as it is a great friend for the single girl living on her own and it is more economical but I will live happily with it.

However, there is a slight problem. If you were here, I would have you go open my brand new frig. I am almost positive that you would open it just the way I did because of the kitchen set up. It is a natural subconscious thought to open the frig according to way the kitchen is set up. Well, I went to open the frig and I couldn’t. I first thought I did not have strength because of the newness and the seal is strong. No, the door was switched making it so that I have to open the opposite side. Now this would be perfect for the apartment across the hall as that lay out would be opposite of mine. Sorry, but the frig needs to open up so that one has access to oven and sink. It is not conducive to easy prep and cooking. It is not time to hide the food from the cook or make for weight loss routine!

I am a put-together type of person. I am not afraid of do-it-yourself projects like the bookcases and shelving that you get at the store. I even do it for my Mom who has Dad who could do it for her but I volunteer because actually I love to put things together. It is an accomplishment! So here I am standing before this beautiful simple frig thinking that I just might be able to switch these doors on my own even with me being a lightweight gal. I know I could do it but there are some hinges that look a bit involved and I would have to get or borrow some tools. And there is the lifting the door and holding it together while taking it apart and putting it together. I just might need some help. They left the manuel and I have been scouring over the instructions. I want to change it on my own. I don’t want to ask some male to fix it for me. Plus, why didn’t the guys think about this before putting it together????? Both the old frig and the temp open correctly so why didn’t they think of these things? And why do you get a lot of grump and fuss and wait time when you ask guys to help you get it right?

I am pretty sure Dad would say to make them come do it right. I hate doing it even if I use a lot of gratitude and pretty tone. I feel bad. I feel in the wrong for asking for one more thing. I sure don’t want to be the nag but why does it seem that the males make us nags and then bust our chops over it?

What I am really getting at is that God has made the woman to be the helpmate to the man not the man as the helpmate to woman. I am a girl and I do understand the qualities of a good helpmate because I feel it deep inside and I have a great desire to be a good helpmate. However, I feel I need a helpmate at times. Sure guys are to be the protecter and provider but they lack that go-to wing’wo’man that they need. I guess a helpmate for a woman would be another woman or hand maiden but I need some brawn and brute strength! Maybe I need to switch to ‘guy-speak’. Hey, you could provide some ease in the kitchen if you would switch the door on the frig? You would protect me from the grumps too!

Oh well, I am off to cook up my favorite summer meal. I like to dice up potatoes and fry them up. (a step, slide, slide w/ frig) While the potatoes are browning, the eggs is are in a hard bubble bath. (a cha cha cha w/ frig) When they are almost ready, I sweat the mushrooms, sweet onions, and garlic. (a twirl around w/ frig) When they are translucent, I sweat down the spinach. OOOOOh so good! Even two stepping with the refrigerator.

I guess I shall be sending them another request on Monday.

“Dear Maintenance Men,
A huge thank you for the new refrigerator! That was a lot of work twice! I love the color and the clean smell. I have another request. May I get the door switched on the frig? It would make it easier to cook. It is opposite of the way it was before. A huge huge thank you.”

remembering a soldier ...

To see last year's freedom rock:
2008's Freedom Rock

Remembrance ...

Oh how the human mind forgets! Oh how we fail in this important task to remember... It is key in our life journey and our relationships. If we fail to remember, we fail ourselves and others. Without remembering the good, the dark evil thoughts begin to crowd in and all light is extinguished. Today is Memorial Day and with it comes history that we forgot and are reminded. It isn't the big events but the small human parts that made up the whole that usually drags a tear from my eye. We have the flags and the poppy to mark the lives and patriotic song to stir us up again but oh, how we need to mark the Mighty Works and Attributes of the Almighty God.

Here is the Hand of God working in the small bits of our human lives. To us they are huge but to God all of these small bits are orchestrated in the large fabric of His Plan. Each of us is important to Him and in each of us He has created juicy tidbits that make us unique and then He has invited us to take Him on in the Adventure and Mystery He has individualized just for us to grow strong and settled in His design. He marks us as Royalty. Oh how I often feel like a peasant girl in tattered rags because I have forgotten that I am in His family - a royal family.

Psalms 145: 4-5
One generation shall praise Your Works to another, and shall declare Your Mighty Acts.
I will meditate on the Glorious Splendor of Your Majesty, and on Your Wondrous Works.

Some of His recent Wondrous Works in my life:
*Provided me w/ just enough to live on my own
*Giving me Joy in my last unemployment
*Knowing He will take me through this unemployment
*Giving me a job again & will give sight to this 'blind' one
*Knowing there is a Gift in this little crisis for me to yet discover...

As I think on my words, I can't help but fall back on TRUST. When you go back to remember and you declare His Mighty Acts, remembrance is to allow yourself to TRUST that He is in control. Often is shows how distrusting we are too. It is getting back to the simplicity of casting all to Him. It is letting go of everything so your hand can be filled by His Hand. Now that is security... It is also admitting that we just cannot see. Our sight is gone. It is to wait on Him to give sight to our sore blind eyes... eyes new and shining ... with tears of Joy at His Awesomeness....

whistling in the dark ...

I have been messed up all week and unfortunately it shows on my face and I am unable to speak much. Others were beginning to notice. By others, I mean strangers. This has been frustrating me that I know what I should do but getting there has been a hard to do.

I called my parents Friday afternoon hoping that Mom was home from work early but I got Dad who took the afternoon off. A nice conversation with him has allowed me to get out of my funk and I am quite pleased. We talked about God's plan and how it could help me with my dreams if I should go into self employment. We talked about how our personalities are introverts and how it is ok to speak out when there is something we don't understand if done in respect. Our quiet personalities allow for deep thought and bosses tend to want to hear them. We talked about it being ok to be frustrated at myself for being frustrated about having a job opportunity even if it isn't what I had hoped. I am indeed very fortunate to have this job. We talked that it spoke much about the company wanting to hire me back when there were others to pick from.

I think what tipped me over to the right thinking was that he said it was ok to be frustrated for being frustrated over what I was feeling. He didn't say I was wrong and just that help kick start me out of my rut.

Earlier in the day I stumbled upon Psalms 145 & 146. I am so glad that God makes the blind see. I now feel I have verses to pray on as I go through this time in my life. I have wrote at the bottom of I Peter to go straight to Psalms 100, 145, & 146. I Peter is all about suffering and casting all upon God but through that suffering you definitely need something to whistle on. These Psalms are perfect for whistling in the dark...

tale of two cities ...

Like a city whose walls are broken down
is a man who lacks self control.
~ proverbs 25:28

There is a city whose walls are broken down. There is garbage in the streets. It is a noisy and scary place with yelling and gunfire the norm. Houses, sidewalks, swing sets, and cars are broken down. Stores, roads, and bridges are broken down. Churches look like a ghost town. People look tired and roughed up. Disrespect runs wild. You don't want to be caught alone out in the streets. Nothing is holding the city together. Travelers see the broken walls and the spillage so they avoid the city at all costs.

Then there is a city whose walls are built up and contained. Within there are gardens and picket fences, little houses and swing sets, flowers and flags, clean sidewalks and kids playing, neighbors being neighborly and hands helping up. This is the place to be where respect is king. At night the houses twinkle with lights and fires in the hearth. It is ok to be out at night but the best place to be is around the supper table. Travelers come and stay awhile just to soak up a simpler time.

As I tell this tale of two cities these walls are not about keeping others out but rather about living inside your box without spilling your waste into others lives. I have always called that living outside your box. Please don't get that confused with thinking outside the box which is good. Living outside your box is very unneighborly, disrespectful, and down right rude. Think about going to a nice restaurant to have a delicious meal with all the good home cook aroma to only have it messed up by someone who wants to smoke. (Sounds like where I live!)

I was humbled when I read this Proverb as I am wrapping my mind and trying to get my stubborn heart to mind itself over this opportunity to work even though my heart was wishing for my dreams to come true. I need a bit of self control. I need to put the smoke out. I need to get it right...

''A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, loving favor rather than silver and gold.''
~prov 22: 1

''Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before unknown men.''
~prov 22:29

So here is to self control, loving favor, and being a hard worker...

acceptance ...

{Sighs} I got word that I got the job in bill of materials even after what I thought was a bad interview by one of my answers. I had been a mess since I got word from the old work place about this job. It was an opening that happened once before and I ducked down not wanting it then nor do I want it now. Only by telling God that this was not my strength and that I would actually have to break my will so that I would come to it with a good attitude did the angst begin to die down. What was horrifying to me was Mr. Potts who won Britain's Got Talent came to my mind. He came to the contest a beaten and broken down man who had been stuffed into a job he didn't like. I don't want my dreams to die out on me. Anyways, I felt that the others who interviewed would get it before me. Nope, I got it. Now with unemployment you have to accept what is offered to you or you don't get paid what time you were off. This infuriates me. However, I have till Tuesday to get my attitude under control.....

from "Bedside Blessing" - May 19 - by Chuck Swindoll
'The secret to responsible trust is acceptance. Acceptance is taking from God's Hand absolutely everything He gives, looking into His Face in trust and thanksgiving, knowing that the confinement of the hedge we're in is good and for His Glory. Even though what we're enduring may be painful, it's good simply because God Himself has allowed it. Acceptance is resting in God's goodness, believing that He has all things under control - ...'
Let us not lose heart
in doing good, for in due time
we will reap
if we do not grow weary.
~Gal 6:9

To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: THE BOSS
Subj: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

"Humble yourselves under the Mighty Hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time. Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking who he may devour.

Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all Grace, who called us to His Eternal Glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, established, strengthen, and settle you.

To Him be the Glory and Dominion forever and ever. Amen.''
~1 Pet 5:6-11

"Wait on the Lord;
be of good courage,
and He will strengthen your heart;
WAIT, I say, on the Lord''
~Ps 27:14

Will my dreams matter here on earth?

dream promise ...

Hebrews 11 is God's listing of the Ancients who lived their lives in FAITH. What really pulled on my heart was verse 13 and following but here I will just talk about verse 13.

''These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.''

Did not the Ancients dream these promises given by God? You bet they did!!!! I am pitched over in wonder and in this frighting awe. Could I dream my dreams without them coming true? Please note that I am not saying my dreams born deep inside just begging to come out is the same as God-Given Promises to the Ancients. However, just thinking what I should do about my dreams ... Again seeking God is the perfect plan...

anatomy of strength ...

Strength is lightness in your step.
Strength is an insatiable need to learn more.
Strength is addictive.
Strength makes the twinkle in the eye.
Strength is time stopping or getting lost in the moment.
Strength is food most necessary for the heart to survive.
Strength is humble and in awe of the potential.
Strength is not of your own making but is from God's.
Strength is an uprising of unstoppable excitement.
Strength is highly desired in what you do.
Strength gets you out of bed and makes you ready for the day.
Strength is a challenge you want to achieve.
Strength is growing and stretching.
Strength is feeling alive.
Strength is arms open wide and a glowing face tipped back with a smile bursting.

Here I go again getting my 'believe in your dream' soapbox out and standing firmly up it. But after going in a tailspin over a job offer that I would have to break my will to do, I came to the midnight conclusion that this job offer needs to go to someone who really enjoys it. I have found a peace that it will be alright if it goes to someone else. However, I am not sure what I will make of it if the job offer is offered to me. I have prayed and I am still seeking God's Word in this matter. I most hated myself and my feelings yesterday. Today's outlook is bright. I do have a renewed energy to enjoy my jobless state. I felt very embarrassed when an old co-worker asked if I was enjoying my time off. Honestly I wasn't ... totally - just in parts. Now for enjoying all parts.

herbal dream seeds ...

This no green thumb girl is at it again. I have always wanted to grow herbs because they bring simple flavor to a simple dish of grub. I think it all started because Mom had chives out in the garden and it was my job to cut the blades for that nights supper whether it was for the potatoes or lettuce salad or Mom's favorite chicken salad. Chives has always been my favorite herb with its soft bite of onion or garlic pizazz.

Being an apartment dweller I have tried to be an indoor pot green thumb. Chives, lavender, lemon trees - I am sure there where other things that I have tried with tears of frustration and anger pooling in my eyes because they ended in failure. So have I learned my lesson that I am only successful at growing the Philodendron? Nope. The Philodendron is a plant that takes it when the water source is lacking but for my love of herbal side, it doesn't feed the flavor of food.

Being unemployed at the moment I thought it was time to try my thumbs at some herbs. Instead of doing them indoors or even outdoors here at the apartment, I will be doing them at my parent's place. It won't be as convenient as running down to sip herbs for the meal at hand but maybe being outside where animals won't pee on or where they won't be mowed down by fast lawn boys or ripped out by children. They might have a chance.

My three choices in this round of the green thumb dream is Garlic Chives, Oregano, and Cilantro. The pots where selected, the holes covered, the dirt filled in and watered, the seeds planted. Now for the wait. Oh, if I could stop the worry too. The Oregano seeds were sooooo tiny! But with every seed within lies a living hope, right?

As I tell this tale of my herbal journey, it really is about my dream journey too. I have soooo many dreams that I keep planting and nothing happens. I am sooo tired. I am sooooo frustrated. I wonder why God has made me so with these creative dreams and this drive where I am a bit of a loner. I hate following the crowd and question the followers true path.

I figured that God was working a new thing in my life with this job loss as He had with the last one. Maybe this time I would be able to follow my dreams. But I got a call last night from the work that permanently laid me off. It is not the Accounts Payable that I was in but for costing. Accounts Payable was a good place and much better than costing for me. Don't I have to take this job in order to get Unemployment Benefits? Here it goes again that the company has more power than I and there goes my dreams. It upsets me so that I feel this way. I was suppose to be more grow up in my faith. I am suppose to tackle this with JOY and I am failing.

I so wanted to try to write for a living where in my free time I would be creative. I have planted the dreams seeds out to see what would happen. I was hoping for little green to peek through the dirt. Some seeds died underneath the dirt and some popped up green leaves to only wither away. I know every crisis contains a gift but I haven't figured out what is beneath the painful wrappings. I am out of whack so I am trying to seek God's Word. Do I really trust and obey? I must. I must...

from Bedside Blessings - May 18 by Chuck Swindoll
'You don't have to promote yourself if you've got the stuff. If you're good, if you are to be used of God, they'll find you. God will promote you. I don't care what the world system says. I urge you to let God do the promoting! Let God do the exalting! In the meantime, sit quietly under His Hand. That's not popular counsel, I realize, but it sure works. Furthermore, you will never have to wonder in the future if it was you or the Lord who made things happen. And if He chooses to use you in a mighty way, really 'exalt' you, you won't have any reason to get conceited. He did it all!
A humble spirit will obtain honor.
Proverbs 29:23

I have a castle to keep, armor to put on, and hiding the Word of God in my heart so that all that I say and do is humble and gives glory to God. I must keep the flag of JOY, Living Hope, and Trust flying high and strong. I will see in due time the dots that seem erratic line up.

Fear NOT little girl. Do you trust Me?

restraint!!!

'Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but blessed is he who keeps the law'
- Prov 29:18

I have come this proverb often and it catches me in wonder. We are having problems with church and the pastor. There seems to be much about feeling good with God instead of obedience. I just can't help but see that there is no real revelation of God or His Word in the pulpit. It is hard to look around and see so many taking this. What really blows my mind is that the older and wiser (?) ones do not do a thing about it. Dad says that they did do something about in a few years back and that they are to tired to do something now. Dad is frustrated as the power has skipped his generation and has gone to the younger ones who have no real depth and root in the Word. All restraint is off. World ways have gain access into the believer's way. Old Paths have been forgotten...

As for me my choice must remain in the Word and to keep Old Paths...

friend of God ...

Why would I want the Almighty God to stoup down to be my friend when what I know of as friends are fickle, unreliable, and limited? There has been much verbiage in the family about the pastor's continue reference to God as a friend. I don't think we are opposed to God having the aspect of friendship as part of who He is but to only see Him as friend is very dangerous.

The only time I see God as my Friend when I am all alone and weighed down with burdens too heavy for me. He isn't a human type of friend. He is loyal and there for me from the beginning to the end. I am His only concern. He wipes the tears away. However, He isn't the type of friend where I pat Him on the backside in fun. He is much more and deserves my humble respect and honor. There is this Cloud of Glory around Him. I don't want to belittle His Awesomeness.

Abraham was called the friend of God (James 2:23). Don't get crazy and flip the verse to God being a friend of Abraham. It was Abraham, a human being, that was a friend of God. Interesting isn't it? Then there is Proverbs 18:24 ''A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: but there is a Friend that sticketh closer than a brother.'' This verse is a favorite friend of mine but here is shows God in the aspect of how close He is to us. It does NOT speak of us keeping God at a friendship level.

Definitely food for thought...

little bro's big day ...

Saturday was a day you really couldn't predict the weather. All week it was rainy or sunny. The day of claimed only 30% chance of rain. The morning started early with a bit of sun and lots of wind. Dad was doing a lot of wind fighting with the vehicle. This was going to be the first time to get on the inside of the gym / auditorium. Wow! Pretty nice! It was like a small version of what you might have at a big sports arena. Big screens everywhere so that every seat had a good view.

Little bro graduated with his master's degree in counseling. What was a surprise was that he was doing so with magna cum laude honors!! He didn't even know until rehearsal! Our aunt said that he should wear his yellow cords to his job interviews!! She is a riot! But I must say sounds like a great idea!

I was very moved during the ceremony because of being able to come back to my college and sing some old hymns that the churches around here are throwing out the window. ( I asked bro if the college was still singing the hymns and he said that they were singing the new stuff. Bummer. However, dad said that the college was going to put emphasis on the hymns because it is an art form compared to the new ditties.) I love the coming in of the flags! There also was flags from every country represented in the graduation. Australia was there! The President of the college spoke very well and encouraged the grads to use their gifts but don't forget to listen. Then there was a prayer with a bit of humor that was needed in a time of struggling for a job. He was a parent of a grad and asked the Heavenly Father for those 3 special words 'job with benefits'. It was just sooooo good.

We walked out into cold and bits of rain! Where did the sun go! We took pictures and headed to bro's house for a party. What was super nice for my mom was that all her siblings showed up. We got to commune together and it was great to catch up. My mom told little bro that it was a very special gift to her. The sun did finally decided to come out as the peeps started to leave. It just was a great time.

visual crochet ...

I have said before that I am an Amigurumi junkie. I guess it was the perfect storm... First my job was becoming unstable. With that I go for learning something new. My mother's mom crocheted and knitted but I never asked to be taught. I couldn't wrap my mind around being able to use my left hand with my right hand. Huge projects like blankets or clothing didn't intrigue me but the little granny square did leave a hole in my creative heart. Fast forward many years and I discovered knitting looms which took care of the knitting part but I still could not do the granny square. Then this new thing started cropping up in creative blogs - Amigurumi. These small stuffed toys brought me full circle to my childhood where a great friend that was a small stuff puppy that I could hide away easy but bring it out when needed. As an aunt I wanted to learn crochet for the sole purpose of making little friends for little ones. It was a struggle as I self taught through online pictures. I even did the magic ring you tube. I finally did it.

I am learning everything I can and I still haven't made the granny square just yet but will. I did discover a book at the library called Blueprint Crochet. I got it because their was a pattern for a purse. Simple dc circles attached to each other looked easy enough for me. When I finally took a deeper look, I was surprised by the lack of 'normal' instructions of abbreviations! Let me tell you trying to self learn by these abbreviations is quite daunting and set me packing several times. Hey, I am visual and the only way I could pick it up was by still photographs. What Blueprint Crochet is about is the visual pattern instruction. Gone is the abbreviations and in the place is bird like scratches in a pattern. When you look at the bird scratch pattern, you visually see what the finish product looks like. The author who is a visual learner as well pointed out a great thought - if you learn this bird like scratches, you can read patterns from Japan and Russia (etc). It is a universal language. Amazing! I do have one pattern from Japan with this bird like scratches but it has abbreviated instructions so I didn't really look at the pattern. I shall be paying attention!

A thought of mine comes to me that this just might help me design my own thing. However with Amigurumi, I think the best design comes from just trying something since it is mostly about shaping. Outside the Amigurumi world, there are flowers and small things that excite me too. I think here the bird like scratches will come in handy. The author said there was computer programs to aid in making these patterns so you don't have to do it all my hand. She didn't give any names so it will be a google search.

I believe that if I am lucky to teach crochet and pass this fun to another, I will be using both kinds of instructions. I am a huge believer that we all learn in different ways (aka 7 smarts). Teaching just one way leaves out a lot but teaching in several ways, dots begin to connect. Wa-la, you got it!

sufferings ...

There are verses underlined in I Peter but I got a new understanding this week when my quiet time lead me to verse 19 of I Peter 4. ''Therefore, let those who suffer according to the Will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good as to a Faithful Creator.'' What caught my eye was the Will of God.

Ask the right question. What am I to do when I suffer whether it be persecution, sickness, loss, or job loss? Answer? Commit my everything to God, my Creator and continue in doing good. The wrong question is asking what the Will of God is! It is all ready listed in His Letter to us. Just trust and obey!!!!! He is more patient than I. It is just that it is so at the surface for me. I don't want to go back to 'not knowing' when I truly know if I dig into the Word. I refuse to ask questions that I will not get an answer for! Sounds bizarre and I am not sure how to convey it. All I know is that if I follow God's Will that is spelled out in His Word than knowing what I am to do (aka: profession/vocation) with my life will fall into place.

What I love about God's Word is that I may have read this passage or book several times but I can always find something new. I love seeking in God's Word. Reminds me of a dog digging in the dirt and all you see is the behind and back feet intent on scooping out buried treasure. So sniffing out all around this verse I found a huge gems on suffering. All of I Peter is a guide to suffering! It is a great comfort.

Do you know that suffering is part of being a believer? Get this! ''Beloved, do NOT think it strange concerning the fiery trail which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you.'' I Peter 4:12. How many times have I heard people say why is this happening to me? I find myself asking it slightly different so as not to be an incorrigible child. Like 'I don't understand. Am I that dumb or stupid that I can't learn whatever lesson You are trying to teach me?' Basically, I am asking why. I know, why should never be in your vocabulary when you are addressing God. Asking why is showing the lack of faith. This fiery trial that is present in my life is here by design by the Creator just tailored to try me. Hmm, means that God is present!!!!

The next verse says to REJOICE!!!! Be a partaker of Christ's sufferings so that His Glory is revealed. True gladness comes from this! How do you be a partaker of Christ's sufferings? Renewed mind and heart. Staying soft in His Arms. Being a vessel He can use. Delighting and savoring Him....

Try I Peter. Find the comfort and peace that only God can give you...

teamwork in the workplace ...

As I was updating my resume, I came to the two words that I have dealt with in my personal life but here they were again in my work life. 'Working alone' & teamwork' are the perps. In my personal life I have realized a problem between the two. I am a single girl living a single life but desperately trying to live a team life. I am always searching ways to be a good wife and trying to work it in my single life. I finally realized that I had one foot in the single life because of course that is reality and the other foot is in a couple-hood w/no mate which was total fantasy on my part. A great word picture would be that you are riding a fence that is going no where. I now have a word for it or a label - it is duplicity. Guess what duplicity means? It is deceitfulness and double dealing! Yikes! I was mortified to see that I had been deceitful with myself.

I am a life learner and I will be working out how to be a good wife but in my single life. I have a relationship with Christ Jesus and I am His Bride. No more duplicity.

Now to my work life. I noticed that I work best on my own without a boss hovering over my every move. In fact I had a piece of that until the they consolidated and I had more boss. I struggle with it very much. Now I do like team ship and always will but I believe that it really doesn't work in the business world as it should. I have not had an example of good teamwork in any of the places that I have worked. It has always been about self rise or the corporation over the group of people that make that corporation run.

A team is about each person bringing their strength to the group and working that strength. However, in the work world there is too much competition and stepping on each other to be better and get the better bucks. When you are not wired to compete, you make a good rug. So when it comes to the resume, what do you put down?! I am smirking because what I would put down with bare bone honesty which would guarantee a paper airplane ride to file thirteen with amazing turbo speed.

Maybe my definition of team for the business world needs to change a little bit. My personal definition for team is working your strengths out for the us. I have made a commitment and feel that this team member is worthy of my devotion and protection. I am always going to seek out their good. Not so good at work when you have to be in a group and you have no choice but the choice to work at this workplace and this workplace should trump any individual rise up the corporate ladder. Ok, I do think I have gone around the mulberry bush a tad too many times!

Well, on my resume I have it as that I am a hard worker who works great alone and likes teamwork. It is as honest as I can get. If they ask about teamwork, I will tell them that a good team is each person contributing their best strength for the workplace. I do believe that is the best teamwork for a business. It may be that I am settling for the good of the corporation and not for the little people that make it up but ultimately for me it comes back to little old me giving my best work as I work unto God and not man. It just might mean that I am 'used' but there is a bigger picture.... God's glory.

If Jesus is with me ...

It may be in the valley, where countless dangers hide;
It may be in the sunshine that I, in peace, abide;
But this one thing I know—if it be dark or fair,
If Jesus is with me, I’ll go anywhere!

:Refrain:
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!
’Tis Heaven to me, where’er I may be, if He is there!
I count it a privilege here, His cross to bear,
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!

It may be I must carry the blessèd Word of life
Across the burning deserts to those in sinful strife;
And though it be my lot to bear my colors there,
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!

:Refrain:
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!
’Tis Heaven to me, where’er I may be, if He is there!
I count it a privilege here, His cross to bear,
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!


But if it be my portion to bear my cross at home,
While others bear their burdens beyond the billow’s foam,
I’ll prove my faith in Him—confess His judgments fair,
If Jesus stays with me, I’ll stay anywhere!

:Refrain:
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!
’Tis Heaven to me, where’er I may be, if He is there!
I count it a privilege here, His cross to bear,
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!


It is not mine to question the judgment of my Lord,
It is but mine to follow the leadings of His Word;
But if to go or stay, or whether here or there,
I’ll be, with my Savior, content anywhere!

:Refrain:
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!
’Tis Heaven to me, where’er I may be, if He is there!
I count it a privilege here, His cross to bear,
If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere!


Words & Music: C. Aus tin Miles, 1908 (MI DI, score).

Yes, what a great reminder that I can do what is before me because Jesus goes with me! It is about obeying the leadings from His Word and not getting stuck in the automatic negative thoughts. It is remembering -> 'Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.' (Matt 6:13) It is making sure that 'your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock.'

the bit or no bit ...

Swindoll was speaking about Psalms 32:7-11 this week. There is a chorus on Psalms 32:7 heard on BNN that is haunting and reminds me of the Phantom of the Opera! So I was intrigued to hear what more I could glean from this passage.

Swindoll was speaking how God was speaking in verse 8 and I was pulled into the word picture of the donkey and horse needing a bit to have them listen to the boss. I realized that during these times of Hiding Places, I need to follow willing and joyfully my Heavenly Father. He is such an excellent guide always keeping His eye on me. So when I don't know what to do, follow God!

6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to You
while You may be found;
surely when the mighty waters rise,
they will not reach him.

7 You are my Hiding Place;
You will protect me from trouble
and surround me with Songs of Deliverance.
Selah

8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.

9 Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.

10 Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD's unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts in him.

11 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous;
sing, all you who are upright in heart!

~ Psalms 32

the race set before me ...

I was intrigued by the words set in Hebrews 12:1-3 ~the race set before me~. It isn't the race I imagined or wanted. It isn't the normal rat race set up by mere weak men. It IS a race set out by God for me. It is a race that is unknown and scary and something I have put my mind to before but have not put my feet to until now.

However, I need not worry about my feet but rather my eyes. The next words following this set race is 'looking to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith'. Oh, wow! With my eyes fully fixed on Jesus, I can FINISH this race with my head held high and joy overflowing in my heart!!!

1) Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
2) Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3) Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
~ Hebrews 12