a salt piller or salt? which are you?

I wept so much I couldn't sing the patriotic hymns this past Sunday. I wept during the fireworks that night. I wept when I saw people waiting to become US citizens especially the Austrailian guy who was sporting the Australian light heartedness and accent. I know that I will weep some more before I lay me down to sleep tonight. I will weep for the soldiers fighting and for the families waiting. I will weep when I hear the President. I will weep when I watch more fireworks. I will weep when I hear the National Anthem as my mind recreates the scene where Francis Scott Key sees that the tattered FLAG was still there.

Tears mean something. Have you ever been in church and see someone there quietly weeping and you see not what is moving in their heart? There are no loud sobs just a glistening tear making a slow track down a soft cheek. A wonder stirs your soul. What is happening? Sadness, longing, joy, pain, burden, delight, peace, God-Whispering? Could be anything...

So what has me in a soggy mess? I think it is love, burden, and Joy in my God that has been moving me to tears. I love the good ol' USA. I err on being overly patriotic. I express it in the colors I surround myself. I remember the cost and I remember the forefather's intent every time I sing the National Anthem. I know God's Blessing that is spelled out in the Old Testiment where He will be near the nations who God is the Lord. And yes, the Blessing that comes when you are a friend of Isreal. I don't want my America to be the biggest and the best of the world. I just what her to give and to be good.

I had a discussion in 2004 that has stayed with me. Someone from another country was questioning my passionate choice of President and even my loyality to a country as a believer. I just remember the question of sort and nothing else. It is 2007 and I still think about it so much that it has become a debate of sorts for me over country vs. Kingdom.

I will always have a very soft spot for my America. I will always strive to make her a better place by living peacefully as Paul told us in Romans. I want her to continue to be a gracious and good country. I want her to remain that way until He comes. I have a picture prayer from the Old Testiment. Remember Abraham pleading with the Angel of the Lord? He was asking for God to spare Sodom and Gamorrah if there was a certain number of those who feared the Lord. Abraham kept begging until he got down to 10. He thought he have covered the bases well to keep his nephew alive. As you know the there wasn't enough of those who feared God. The Almighty did allow Lot, his wife, and daughters a way out while He burned the two towns for their moral rot. Focus in on what happened to Lot's wife. She turned around to watch the towns burn. I am sure Lot pleaded and begged his family to keep looking straight ahead and obey God. No, it was too much. She turned and looked in that instant she was frozen into a pillar of salt.

Salt. I find it quite interesting. God's purpose for the believer is to live peacefully and to redeem the time. Short orders but hard ones to carry out. Redeeming the time was visually described as salt and light by Jesus in the New Testiment. A believer's life should be conducted in such a way that it brings flavor, trust, and preservation as well as limunation, sight, and clarity to those around him. Salt. I am intrigued. I wrap all my wondering thoughts around these two pictures ... the piller of salt looking back onto smoldering rumble of two sin-fest cities or salt preserving cities and countries around the world. What type of salt are you?

Shhhhhhhh, listen. Hear it .... giving freedom to others is huge and America loves an underdog but what is supreme over that is the giving of Salvation. A believer's country comes second to the higher calling of the Kingdom. Redeem the time. Make way for His Glory to shine... He is here to save and to love. He waits for all His lost sheep to come home.

For you brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. ~ Gal 5:13

Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. ~Phil 4:5

Col 4:5 & 6; Romans 13

Joy {n}

A mood goes away by kicking!!!!
~oswald chambers

What is JOY?
* It is trusting God and doing good.
In a plain word - OBEDIENCE! Just do it!

* It is dwelling in the Lord and feeding on His Faithfulness.
Verbally express your gratitude and declare His Attributes.
How big is your God?

* It is delighting in the Lord.
Be aware and claim God's Victories in your life.

By following these simple steps, you will find God takes care of your heart. JOY WIPES OUT THE SAD TEARS. Death comes to melancholy and depression. You will begin to FEEL YOUR FAITH.

It does not stop. You will have flare ups. You must do this every moment.

My Joy Journey started in 2003 and it continues. My name is 'from the dark valley blooms Joyful one'.

"Trust the Lord & do good. Dwell in the Lord & feed on His Faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord & He will take care of your heart." Ps 37:3-4

down with down ...

There are those who would love to be friends with others and then there are those who remove themselves from others. It seems that these two types follow the rule of opposites attract because it happens in families.

This girl is angry today. The days before have been in mental struggle to wrap my brain around it. Tears. Anguish. Fear. Sadness. I have had to be the adult and come to terms to my own melancholy. (In my label-book melancholy is a blue mood but not as severe as depression. And I do believe you have to label something in order to work it out) So I know the blues run in my family yet as I say this stubborness also runs in my family. See, I have had this word thrown at me and no, it did not feel good. Yet, I view stubborness as a friend especially when used for the good. So why can't a family member buck up and change? Why can't he follow God's nudge? Oh dear, don't tell me God will have to nudge harder! Why can't others see that bad health is God's way of saying to change some things? I can say this because I have to be very stubborn and eat a certain way. I could not be headache free without leaving 36 foods behind and especially when it comes to my dearly loved chocolate! I know God is in it. See we just had a family decusion about sugar. One brother and his son go into crazy mode after eating sugar. Believe me, the little nephew was spinning out of control after an adult size bowl of ice cream! YiKES! Where is the parental no? He is only 3@! The other brother was commenting how he was getting headaches from sugar. And then there is dad with diabetes! This is not random!!!!!!!!!!!!! (cane and beet sugar is one of my allergies)

Back to the blues...
No, I cannot say I conquered my melancholy by myself. I aggressively give credit to God for that. He was the One who turned my world upside down and tumbled me out on a journey of Joy. Every day since God and I have added more and more of a barrier to the blues like fish oil and figuring out my daily nauseous headaches (food allergies). I can still have my days. (I am still a woman! {smiles} ) I usually have tolerance for others and especially when it comes to loved ones but not today. In fact if you were here you would be hearing me mutter 'whatever. I am a big girl. I have the whole weekend to tend and mend my home. I don't care to be near those who don't want me around. etc'. And it is no big surprise that I was attracted to a guy who presently has removed himself from me with no verbal reason why.

I am pretty ticked off. I won't let it show tomorrow but oohwoosh....

It would delight me to no end to find a male who would dig me, who didn't disappear, who chased me, who thought holding hands while walking a slice of heaven, who beamed when I entered the room, who could sit gazing into my eyes.... then it would mean letting go of he who was so cool to be around but disappeared ... could I let go? I probably won't have to answer that because finding a male who digs, present, chases, holds my hand, beams, gazes is pretty much a lost cause in this age....

To think I wouldn't have let him make me so disenchanted...

KUUDUK & mad libs!

Over the weekend I purchased two more card games to add to my ever growing collection. I pulled out all my card games and was shocked to how many I do have. One card game called O'NO 99 by the makers of UNO takes me back. The cards are worn and weathered from all the games. I never liked the game because you had to count but dare not make it to 100. See, I just don't like counting and especially in my head. I asked mom if it was her favorite. She doesn't remember. I think I shall bring the game back out and make her play!!!

Comparing O'NO to the new game by UNO called KUUDUK, the card games changes their looks too. O"NO has a retro 70's feel while KUUDUK has a mod look about it. While musing over the games, I took time out to learn how to play the game .... of course by myself. Why a singleton like me loves card games with no one to play against ... beats me! I think I will continue to 'play' against myself every weekend so that I can introduce these games quickly and with ease especially now with the younger generation of my family. Maybe I can convert my entire family to card gamers this way!!!

As an adult I wished my elders had made card games apart of the 'home schooling'. It worked well but I guess if I was a parent, I would be weaving in social education and sportsmenship via card games. I would have an agenda and aggressive force it onto my unknowing offspring!!!!! Oh, don't start with me! They would never know what hit them!!! I would be crafty! And of course after all that education, fun would ultimately be at the heart as well as hard core card gamers for me to hone my own very lacking skills as I twiddle my thumbs now days - partnerless.

I like the how the game makers are putting their games in tins instead of the card board boxes. Saves them for years and years to come. I just happened to have an old hot chocolate tin in a nice size to pack away my collection of card games that came in card board boxes. Self preservation!!!

good ground...

Dearest EL, God Supreme,
I want to be soft and ready ground. I know the seeds fell. I think I understand more clearly then I did before that the seeds where nudges to try to write. I am limited with my words but You are eloquent. It matters not if the books become a reality. They are real inside. It is time to put words to these thoughts every day. My day job is numbers and I have litte time to let my mind wonder. I ask for Your water and Your manna. I am here soft and damp after Your Rain-Blessings. I am listening for Your words.... I want to write.
always weak but Yours by Your Stength alone

faith {v}

I have been thinking about faith. What does faith mean? How do I live by faith? How would I explain it if asked?

Simply, faith is to obey. No excuses. Just plainly active obedience! Almost no thought involved because you know how your thoughts can go bad when you just think. Only recalling God's Word. Absolutely no discussions in the face of one who does not believe in the faith you do. You have to obey. See that by your obedience to God, doubters then can see the Glory of God and not you. Are you picturing it?

Right now that is how I see faith. Just a small thing right now. A mustard seed. But what a might plant is grows to be...

no man's land ...

I have walked back and forth in this no man's land. The earth under my feet have rubbed the grass and pebbles away. All that is left is dusty dirt. In days of old I have yelled out listening to the echo return to my ears. My heart became rebellious because I wanted to hear his voice not my own. I wanted to see him come around the bend with arms wide and wanting for me to come running. But many days and years have come and gone. I keep pulling my eyes to God's horizon. I don't yell any more. Painfully, I have realized that it is not what I want them to give to me but what they can actually give. I sadly sit on 'look out rock' with my back to the caves. I know he has nothing to give nor does he believe that he needs me.

All the men in my life that I truly care and love hold me away from themselves. There is this veil and I cannot get beyond. I don't want to but I wish that all the strength I see inside their hearts would be unleash into this world. I see it but they don't. I have had many discussions with God. I am trying to still myself and listen. One day I will understand. Maybe one day a man will walk into my life with no veil. Or maybe he will come back from beyond and show me no veil because he took on the fight and God freed him. It remains a mystery and that is ok.

Because I have called out to God and have sought His Face and Heart, He comes and reveals Himself to me. I am allowed entrance into His Secret Place. I am His and He is mine. I am His Beloved and there are no doubts. He moves heaven and earth to be with me. He gives me great paintings and landscapes just for my enjoyment. He loves to see me smile. I strive to smile for Him... every moment ... of my days....

God in Iraq and at home...

The first Gulf War was closer to me then this war. Probably, because the men and women that went to fight were my age. This war is further away from until lately. Deaths are hitting closer and closer to home. Today when talking to a co-worker who keeps me updated with his soldier, I realized just how close it is getting.

The soldiers are now sons and daughters of my peers. It is a whole different set of emotions. Today I learned about Sam who got shot 3 times on Friday and was unconscious for three days. He is the boyfriend to a co-worker's daughter. I am adding Sam to my list.

I got an update on Joey. He is another soldier that I get updates on. He not so keen being in Iraq. I won't get into that - reasons will be kept private here. Joey is boyfriend to a daughter of the plant boss. The boss has taken Joey under his wing. Joey's home life is wasn't good. Monday the boss told me that Joey didn't take to the 4 anthrax shot and his arm and side is real stiff. This just might allow Joey to come early. Joey is excited.

I have been having some concerns for Joey because I know his mind isn't in it. Not good on the battlefield. I do ask the hard questions. So I asked the boss guy 'isn't it dangerous to feel that way?' Yes was his answer but what can you do but encourage his mindset.

This time I asked if Joey felt that being in battle was good for him. The boss guy said absolutely. God was a foreign concept to Joey. He was just something big. Now Joey bends the knee and asks God. Then the boss guy said 'I wish I could get my daughter into that for a time.' I said 'maybe it will rub off on her.'

Tears were falling in my eyes. God is works and when He does and I am fortunate enough to have my eyes wide open to it, I cannot help but have liquid emotions flow!!!

I was also moved to thought-
Guys need that battle and that adventure to hone his character. Daddy's often wish they could provide some honing to a wayward daughter. With my girl-eyes there is that honing in the waiting and often the worrying when left home. Perfect opportunity to show the girls that in the waiting they must get busy and become the prayer-warrior. Why not show them they are hearth-keepers and that it takes a warrior heart to do so. There is strength in that.... and pure beauty.

The battle is the Lord's. Iraq is the Lord's. So is America. We are to weak and so shanken by evil and terror. Don't forget Who is strong and will take any earthly defeat and make all thing beautiful in His Time...

top learning tool...

After going to college to study English Education, the real reason that I did not know then but know now is that I wanted to get how I learn as well as how others learn and I wanted to write. Funny how I learned what I really wanted to learn in the years following formal classroom time.

Let me sure one of biggest insights into learning. In my book it is the number one rule. Listen up. To give yourself the best environment for your brain to capture everything you are learning no matter your learning style, you must have a safe and positive feelings as a framework. Maybe encouragement is the word I am looking for.

I know you will not always be afforded good feedback. It has been something that has been a thorn in my side ever since my band teacher would humiliate me in front of others only because I would freeze up being shy and singled out. When I went boo hooing to Dad, he said that the band teacher thought I had talent and wanted me to live up to it. What Dad wanted me to do was get that moxie up 'I'll show you' bit on. Well, true as an adult I have done used 'I'll show you bit' but I really shine when I am fed good encouragement in safety.

I will always believe that the top rule in teaching or coaching or mentoring is keep the environment safe. Be a greenhouse. Then you can introduce the storms.

If you are a student and all you have are storms, know it is a part of life. However, teach yourself. Be kind and generous to yourself. When you do so, learning come quicker and deeper. Declare victory and celebrate.

for health's sake ...

"How are you doing?'

"If the stress doesn't go away soon, I'll have to think about what I am going to do,"

"You can't let the stress bother you. Leave it at work. Don't take it home."

"I am not trying to take it home. No matter what I have done to keep it here and be kind to myself, stress is following me. I could not shut my body down and didn't fall asleep til after 2AM Thursday. FRIDAY, I could not shut off my mind til way after 3AM. This cannot go on."

"You will hate yourself if you give up now due to stress."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, wait a minute! So you are telling me it is ok to let stress ruin my health? my sanity? Oh, I could use some choice words right now. I am one who fights till the last dog is howling. My name is tanacity! But there are limits. Too much stress after working myself silly to accomplish calm waters and drowning in it ... something has to give.

It was a down day. I had victories last week but that did not keep my tears in check. I am very weak and I will continue to call on God's strength... but too much stress? what for?

9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
Ecclesiastes 3

The more I read Ecclesiastes the more I see that if work is stressing you out, something has to change. You must find satisfaction or you will lose yourself ...

daddy's girl

Happy Father's Day, my Heavenly Father,
Thank You for my own father. Thank You for moving my heart to see how to love him more by just being near him and making a point to hug him and tell him I love him. Very simple acts but strong and powerful ones. I am truly blessed. Thank You for You and for my father.
always Your little girl

flowers, victory, sleep

1. Finding a Matrix Lily so fire orange it holds your eyes and a Purply Queen Hollyhock to give my parents for their Anniversary coming up on Monday. 41 years!!! I am blessed to have parents still loving and holding to each other.

2. Finally getting a victory in understanding how to get my tape and the computer to match. This new job has been the hardest ever. But with my weakness, leaning on God's strength is the only way to go.

3. Being able fall asleep quickly after falling into bed after two nights in a row where my mind is a whirl or my body just won't shut down because of stress.

bring on the rains...

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.
Isaiah 55:10-12

I love this verse. Besides my own country, I have another favorite. It is a verrrrrry dry place. This land has endured a 10 year drought and just begun to experience rain that her people thought would never come back again. I know a small handful of people from this dry place. I have gotten to experience their stories as I have listened. What I thirst for I can get from within my country because our resources are there for the taking, but I wonder and am sad when I feel his thirst and he seems to find no relief. I have prayed for rain for this dry land and for his dry and thirsty being and wonder of God's plan to minster to the dry thirsty souls of these precious in His eye people.

I cherish this verse as I see the promise within it. My job is to plant seeds of love, generosity, and joy. It will not go out without coming back in full and overflowing. Those that hunger and eat too will find able to walk upright again.

Can you see it? A dry land drinking up the rains and the trees bud and flowers burst forth. Truly clapping is heard...

Dear Heavenly Rain Giver,
Oh, how You give me the perfect word to cheer my fainting heart. What pictures You paint for me. New eyes to see Your Great Wonders and to see more clearly Your Awesome Plans You designed for each of us. I am keeping this verse ever close to my prayers for a dear and precious friend and his family. I pray for the rains of Joy and Salvation on his house. Oh, may he reborn in Your Joy so mysterious and ever so strong. I love You!!
always Your little girl

Ruth Graham, faithful wife & servant ...

MONTREAT, North Carolina (AP) -- Ruth Graham, who surrendered dreams of missionary work in Tibet to marry a suitor who became the world's most renowned evangelist, died Thursday. She was 87.

Graham died at 5:05 p.m. at her home at Little Piney Cove, surrounded by her husband and all five of their children, according to a statement released by Larry Ross, Billy Graham's spokesman.

"Ruth was my life partner, and we were called by God as a team," Billy Graham said in a statement. "No one else could have borne the load that she carried. She was a vital and integral part of our ministry, and my work through the years would have been impossible without her encouragement and support. (Watch how Ruth Graham lived out her faith )

"I am so grateful to the Lord that He gave me Ruth, and especially for these last few years we've had in the mountains together. We've rekindled the romance of our youth, and my love for her continued to grow deeper every day. I will miss her terribly, and look forward even more to the day I can join her in Heaven."

"She would help my father prepare his messages, listening with an attentive ear, and if she saw something that wasn't right or heard something that she felt wasn't as strong as it could be, she was a voice to strengthen this or eliminate that," said her son, Franklin, who is now the head of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association.

"Every person needs that kind of input in their life and she was that to my father."

"What she witnessed in her family home, she practiced for herself -- dependence on God in every circumstance, love for his word, concern for others above self, and an indomitable spirit displayed with a smile," said the Grahams' youngest daughter, also named Ruth.

Despite her reluctance to be a public personality herself, Ruth Graham met many of the powerful and famous through her husband -- who was a spiritual adviser to presidents for decades. President Bush and first lady Laura Bush called her a "remarkable woman of faith" who "inspired people around the world with her humor, intelligence, elegance, and kindness."

She met Billy Graham at Wheaton College in Illinois. He recalled in 1997 memoirs, "If I had not been smitten with love at first sight of Ruth Bell I would certainly have been the exception. Many of the men at Wheaton thought she was stunning."

From that point onward she had to endure her husband's frequent absences, remarking, "I'd rather have a little of Bill than a lot of any other man."

Due to her husband's travels, she bore major responsibility for raising the couple's five children: Franklin (William Franklin III), Nelson, Virginia, Anne and Ruth.

Ruth Graham was the author or co-author of 14 books, including collections of poetry and the autobiographical scrapbook "Footprints of a Pilgrim."

Ruth Graham will be buried at the new Billy Graham Library in Charlotte -- a source of apparent discord within the family last year. This week, Billy Graham said he and Ruth had decided "after much prayer and discussion" they would be laid to rest at the foot of a cross-shaped walkway in the library's prayer garden.

from cnn.com

{sighs} This stirs my heart. I long to be a helpmate. Ruth Graham is such a perfect picture.

I know there is great rejoicing in Heaven for a servant coming home even as there is tears in her husband eyes and great love and joy in his heart. It is amazing to be a believer. There are great tears yet great rejoicing when an earthly travel is through because there is a great hope. Our story is NOT ending rather there is a HAPPY EVER AFTER!!!

chemistry in LDR?

If you can make a LDR work, then you can make a marriage work. I will go one step further... every girl should put there relationship to the test and have some LD in their relationship to see how well the two of you can manage the LD. I say girl because maybe girls are better at the LDR than a guy is.

I do think everyone should think about how to make a LDR work. It is not just a phenomenon that is occuring today because of the internet. It has occured with every war and with every man going off on some adventure leaving their woman at home. Today there are more things that pull us physically away from each other. But it still takes a MASSIVE AMOUNT of TENACITY, shear guts, and will power.

I know I can do it. No, it is not ideal. But it is ideal for me to start a relationship. Having LD in my relationship allows me to grow the relationship strong. Heaps of reward in the final union. However, I have not met one man who can stand the test...

LDR is about being able to describe to other on the other side of the world your day like the smells, tastes, sights, feelings, accents, sounds that you are experiencing. Then it is about listening to the foreign descriptions like one who has no senses. It is about two people experiencing two different worlds but doing so as one. It is learning to keep the other's presence with you in everything you do even when touch is unavailable to you.

It allows you to create a world where talking and listening are very important. Gentle discussions are very intense and inspiring. I say so with experience. I walked with happy and confidence in my back pocket in those precious moments. No, it didn't work out and having it happen again seems unlikely. So why do I believe in LDR? I was liked for a brief moment in time without worry if my outward appearence failed the chemistry test. I am not ugly nor am I drop dead gorgeous but to have physical chemisty is a must and it has been an unknown factor in my life. With LDR the chemistry was of the mind, heart, and the soul. It was enough until he disappeared...

depression in Rings movie?!

Ok, I told you I was watching 'The Lord of the Rings' movies again this summer... When I read and watched the movies that last time, my heart heard a lot of war things. This time around I am hearing tones of depression! This movie is echoing what issues that are before me. I am leaning in because God works in mysterious ways even through movies...

obedience ...

I didn't catch her name but she was talking about 'Pilgrim's Progress'. What really pricked my ears was her simple definition of obedience. I really wished I had learned this catch phrase when a wee girl but I got it now and I want to share with the wee generations. Obedience always brings blessing. Disobedience always brings destruction. Don't get me wrong I know this but this is wrapped up in a neat package and easy to recite and remember.

She was going further and breaking obedience down into three areas:
patient obedience - waiting on God and not on any one esle or thing! ie: If you were meant to fall in love, God would have given him to you. If there is no love, then you don't need it. Ok, that bites! She used the exact same sentence I have used on myself to passify my hurt feelings.
disciplined obedience - thought life - Phil 4:8 Whoa! Another verse I use to keep my thoughts on a higher level.
enduring obedience - faithful - Again, a question I ask myself ... Am I faithful?

I wonder if she will be speaking again tomorrow. I can't wait to hear more! She really reaffirmed the path I am on right now.

ducks swimming in the Cup!

Hip Hip Horrrrrrrrray!!!! The DUCKS!!!!!! I enjoy hockey and now that my favorite Gretzky has retired from the ice, I cheer for any American team that can stomp a Canadian team! {smiles} sorry!

warm hearts ...

She came at 5:55AM today all 7.3lbs and 19ins of her. My beautiful niece! Some babies just don't look so cute and cuddly. But she has beautiful skin. Her first name comes from the new mom and her middle name comes from her great grandma on her father's maternal side. A unique name, Lucia Irene. Light & Peace. {Good choice, you too.} I love the meanings of names. So teach her well and she will become all her name calls her to be.

I went up to see my new niece and there was no competition unlike when my nephew came. I got to hold the darling little obe for over an hour and a half. She laid there sleeping and every once in a while she would get a bit grumpy. She didn't open her eyes. Little bro says she has her mama's lips and can't see our side in her. No, she isn't like her nephew who looked like a spitting image of his great grandpa on his father's paternal side which was slightly eerie but like a whisper of one passing as the other came. I see a ridge right at the eyebrows. Her head tapers at the top leaving full cheeks. You could say that is normal with babies but just maybe she does and will carry the features of her great grandma on her father's paternal side. The great grandma that passed last summer. This grandma carries a heavy brow and strong jowls. Time will tell.

I put my finger in her curled fist and in sleep she would latch her cold litttttttle fingers around my cold hands. A kindred warm heart!!! A moment stilled and quiet. Babies. Mircles. Quiet. Peace. I wonder what her little path will take her. I wonder what our relationship will be like...

Shhhhh, did you hear Him pass?

to be more noble ...

Why is it that when I read or watch 'The Lord of the Rings' that I change? What changes? Well, I want more nobility, more adventure, more purpose, more passion... My speech and my thoughts rise to a higher plane. I begin to see life in split levels. I can see past the earth and into a heavenly realm. This is a profound nugget for me.

See, my job isn't what I was born to do. But at this time God has put it on my plate. It is what I must do. Splitting it open, the kingdom portion is how I perform my earthly work. I cannot go down in frustration and anger. I must see HOW I DO my work with nobility! If need be, I am the little warior-princess clothed with the Kingdom's armor and welding the 'doubled-edged sword' out to slay the mighty dragon.

~note to self~
Every summer: watch/read 'The Lord of the Rings' Movies

stormy new job ...

I was reading Ron Mehl's book called "Surprise Endings". In the chapter about storms I was reading that the best time for plants to grow in not the warm gentle rains or a nice summer day, rather it is when it is storming!

Botanists tell us that if you were to take a cross-section of the earth during a vicious storm, you could literally oberve the roots reaching further down into the soil.

Guess what? Last week I observed this with the corn fields and the tall grasses obscuring the view at country intersections! I almost missed the black cow chewing the cud in the farmer's overgrown grass field. I wonder if he loses track of all of his baby black cows!

Oh, how I hate to admit that I grow during the worst storms in my life. I am a learner by nature but when it hurts I tend to pour it on and figure out how to fix it and not let it happen again. Right now I am in the middle of a realllllllly scary storm. I feel like I am holding a greased bar on a red caboose on a runaway Japanese train. (Yes, I know I am mixing up two different trains but it is my picture!) The back of my neck stands up and I can feel my defience mode settling into my mind. I dislike that feeling. I want to be meek. I must let my spirit rule. {breathes} My new boss wanted to talk about something. Yikes. Doesn't help when the 'teacher' starts my day by saying, 'you are really behind. Better stay late and get caught up.' Goooooood grief! I've been working 9+hrs a day! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Here me roar!!!! Good thing I have some time to reboot...

affectionately...

I was able to thumb through Ronald Reagan's letters that was published this week. I greatly admire men who take the time to write letters and especially love letters. How you write and what you write reveals the inner man and not some paint and plaster. I have admired the love stories of men and women who have written to each other and have fallen in real love before even seeing each other. I wish I could remember the books I read those mail-order-bride stories as a young girl. -sighs-

My brain's inner dialogue has been experimenting with letter writing...

'Today is a warm one. High 80's and sunny. Its Saturday and it is all mine to do with as I please. I made roasted stove top potatoes for lunch to go with my tuna patty. I like to cook something up that I will not do during a weekday. Those potatoes were delish with a bit of salt, butter, and organo. MMMM. I tried a new flower to paint. The Iris. It came out ok. I like to get other's reaction before I will like it. Shame on me. I do enjoy the painting. I love how I feel inside. Finally getting the Iris to come out ok does allow me to take a piece and create for Mom's order. I did finally push myself outside to take a walk. I would rather have a walking buddy so I took God with me. I didn't talk. Hope that was ok. I did drink in the houses and the landscapes the owners have tried to do to their yards. Sure is hot for the beginning of summer. There where a lot of graduation parties that I walked by. Made me nostalgic remembering back to my own high school graduation. It was a beautiful walk and I was quite sweaty when I go home. After cooling down, I shaved ice and added grape juice, lemon juice and sparkling water. MMMM. I decided to write you. Hope my eyes took you away for a bit....'

Funny how writing tidbits of what you did or what happened to you is as important as your great thoughts, beliefs, and issues. It is your eyes to your world and it is conveyed through the paintbrush of your words... I just might have something here...

beauty of a life given ...

'Remember Me!'

This is a great YouTube movie! It will make you smile and your heart hurt a bit.

in God I trust ...

If I had my way, this war would never have been commenced. If I had been allowed my way, this war would have ended before this. But we find it still continues; and we must believe that He permits it for some wise purpose of His own, mysterious and unknown to us; and though with our limited understandings we may not be able to comprehend it, yet we cannot but believe, that He who made the world still governs it.

We are indeed going through a great trail - a fiery trial. In the very responsible position in which I happen to be placed, being a humble instrument in the hands of our Heavenly Father, as I am , and as we all are, to work out His great purposes, I have desired that all my works and acts may be according to His will, and that it might be so, I have sought His aid.
~ Abraham Lincoln, October 6, 1862

I do not doubt that our country will finally come through safe and undivided. But do not misunderstand me... I do not rely on the patriotism of our people... the bravery and devotion of the boys in blue... or the loyalty and skill of our generals...

... But the God of our fathers, Who raised up this country to be the refuge and asylum of the oprpressed and downtrodden of all nations, will not let it perish now, I may not live to see it ... I do not expect to see it, but God will bring us through safe.
~ Abraham Lincoln, June 1863 weeks before the Battle of Gettysburg

When everyone seemed panic-stricken... I went to my room ... and got down on my knees before Almighty God and prayed... Soon a sweet comfort crept into my soul that God Almighty had taken the whole business into His own hands...
~ Abraham Lincoln

Wow! I find huge comfort from a great President of old to the President today - a humble human prespective. Two men alone in their wars but standing in their faith of the Almighty. The human history books will surely pale in the light of the Kingdom's history books. I cannot wait to pour over those Heavenly volumes!

time too fast ...

time for speed
time for slow

time for work
time for rest

time for serious
time for playful

time for depth
time for surface

time for flurry
time for calm

time for balance !

Help! I am in over my head! I work best in a calm steady pace. Work has been break neck warp speed. I've been learning a new job under pressure from the 'teacher'. I've been trying my hardest to survive under the lack of reassurance that I need. I've got a plan to bring in plants and my paintings to combat the numbers. I do detest numbers. What have I got myself into? The stress is toooooo much. Depression is ever inching closer to bowl me over, but I see her out of the corner of my eye. I cannot let the enemy defeat me. Remember the talent story Jesus told? Arn't I suppose to invest the talent He gives me and give the returns back to Him? My talent is detail, hard work, the love of learning. But I must keep what I have learned like my surface, my greetings... I got to do my best and yet keep my playful happy side ever close...

light burden...

... as we travel through life ...
... what we begin the journey with ...
... and what we pick up along the way ...
... what we take with us ...
... is never more important than what weleave behind!
... as we've traveled along life's path, how grateful i am for your company and how grateful i am for your bringing along what I lack. ... but most of all, i'm grateful for what you've left behind when we had to part ... for those provisions sustain me on my journey and lighten my burden. ~ for Susan and all my beautiful fellow travelers in life. ~ T.W.
(Tom Wilson creator of the Ziggy comic strip)

I had saved this comic from 2002 and stumbled on it today. I feel this yet I am not always in the kind frame of mind as this quote. I have had a fellow traveler that left me behind without word to his reasons why. He left me with great memories and yes, these memories have been provisions for my journey. I still have that hunger ache in the pit of my stomach and the burden of this is heavy on my heart. I am grateful for this good gift and I weep in my gratitude to God. I will go forward. I will hold this good gift dear and walk with a light foot. God has promised in His time all things are made beautiful. This departure will be beautiful in His time...

hymn food for the soul...

I never liked Mom's job. She works at the hospital 12 hours daily and 2-3 consecutive days a week. When it is two days in a row it falls every third weekend. Holidays are every other. We are always having to work around her schedule. And trying to get someone to cover a requested day off is impossible. I wanted her support and presence for my glass show and but noooooo. Dad struggles the most on Sunday when Mom works. He doesn't like being alone on that day especially.

Tonight Mom just sat down and poured her heart out. It was a rough two days. She works on the cancer wing. Today a wife was told that her husband's (same age as me) time is now. Mom expressed how God always gives her just the right words to say. Like today she said, 'You cannot handle this alone. You need your support system. Your family is your support. Who can we call?' I don't think she realized God's touch until later. Then she said something profound, 'sometimes we need a support system.'

I made a note to self to let her know that I am glad she expressed herself. I want to be able to support her. Family is your support right? After the hug, she said she was sorry for letting it all out! Come on! No! Let me support! In fact that is my life's role or job.

I asked her if she found that her faith & relationship with God helped her with all the death that comes to her floor. She said definitely. Then she told me about how the Amish (we have a good size community of them here) come and surround their loved one and sing. It could be just young people or a group of family but they come and sing the hymns like how they did at my grandma's funeral last summer. It is parts with no instruments. Often other patients and families ask if the Amish will come by and sing or even just come sing in the hall. The Amish even in their grief and joy come out in the hall and sing. Amazing! Of course I had tears and then made mom cry.

I can't help but think how awesome it would be to make time with someone special or even your whole family up to her floor and sing the old and dear hymns. What a perfect crash op for a barbaric off-road trail.

'is good' ...

The usual means of selecting one's mate is no less dominated by appearances. Those seen as ordinary are NOT considered. But if the calves are a centimeter higher, if the eyes are a centimeter wider, if the clothes come from the right store, if the career gives the right impression, if the accent is from the right part of the country, if the age is less and the hair is more, then the individual is attractive and desirable and worthy of all-comsuming, single minded pursuit. No one would be so dumb as to pick a friend because he or she had good legs, and yet considerations such as that influnence the choice of one's life partner. What comfort is a complexion when you must come home and tell of a business failure? What tenderness and fun can the right height give to your newborn child? And in illness what compassion can come from net worth? Looks good or is good: that is the needed shiftin perception.
'Notes to Each Other" by Hugh & Gayle Prather

Yikes, one makes a list and then one throw it out and then only to have someone walk in one's life as a walking talking human list of exactly what you want then he walks out. Do you keep the list that you made notes on? or do you just live and if another walks in just take it in stide? What if height is in the small letters?

The list is about taking care of yourself and friend should be an important part of that list... keep the list if it has the right stuff on it!

red glass, white flowers to add in the blue...

A Russian proverb states "The darker the night, the brighter the stars." We appreciate so much in the world through contrast: warmth after we have been cold, coolness after sweating, rest after hard work, health after sickness, joy after sorrow. This accounts for our spring thrill. It is only because many of us bave been color deprived that we feel so ecsttic as pinks, reds, yellows, lavenders, oranges, and periwinkles pop from the ground and effusively decorate trees.
taken from a beautiful and a visual vacation magazine called La Vie Claire

I do love winter and this spring I have been enjoying the colors spilling out. I love to make flowers with my paint. Today it was red glass that I choose white flowers with green blue leaves and swirls to adorn it. I know where I am putting it. There is a shelf in my living den where it will dazzle along with all the red, white, and blue things I find so comforting...

petal companions...

Before I could get outside, the rain began to drizzle. No matter, I put on a rain coat and slipped outside with scissors to cut some flowers for myself this three day weekend. I clipped a white-pink peony, a pink peony, and a purple iris. The rain drops was an added bonus. I scared off the big black ants. I know they love peonies with a passion but I was not willing to share my house with them. I pulled down a vase, added cold water and salt, and arranged the flowers. I looked with intensity at how God arranged and formed each intricate petal and leaf. WooWhee, I forgot how fragrant peonies are! I was busy puttering in the kitchen/craftroom whether I was eating or painting and I was never alone! I would get a whiff and just beam. A pure and simple companionship!!!

green rows, red winged, mr & mrs chip

1. Dark earth combed in rows have green corn sprouts growing about an inch stretch out as far as the nearest horizon.

2. Fence post over grown with twigs and green leaves have a red winged black bird sitting sentry looking ... for what I haven't clue. I wouldn't mind sitting there just looking myself especially in the chaos I call my life right now. I work best in calm. go ducks! Sorry, just because I like red wing black birds doesn't mean I will root for them in my favorite sport of hockey!!

3. Giggles that envelopes my heart when I walk out to find mr and mrs chip running around. I can't help but greet them - 'Peek-a-boo, I see you!!'

two yeses ...

I would never parade my pursuit of love with a bunch of other girls after one guy upon the world stage. Watching hearts break and human misery flaunted, gets my gut in a twist. How do you get your heart broken gracefully? Is it even possible? Well, I am going to attempt it.

I feel that you have to have self rules to follow. Of course, you realize this after hurting to many times, yet it seems it is a mistake you will keep making.

If you are going to give everything you got, shouldn't you receive it back? or it isn't love. If you are focused on him and no other, should he have undivided attention for you? or it isn't love. If he deserves a happy ending, shouldn't you deserve a happy ending? Why does the girl go boo-hooing about about what she did wrong or that she was the best or that he doesn't know what he is missing? Shouldn't it be 'love is a choice of two people and not just one.' If my answer is yes but his answer is no, doesn't it mean no, this is not love and get on with my life?

Oh, if it were that easy and hearts did not break...

thinking vs debate

I cannot stand to argue or debate of any kind. I melt in total anger not to mention that my tongue becomes paralyzed. I was intrigued when in one of our four hour phone conversations, he showed me how he brings one into a discussion. It added to his keeper qualities. When our emails and phone conversations became a thing of the past, I had cried out to God. I wanted to know more about this better way to discuss. He had the key and know I would never know.

God being a Wise and Ultimate teacher, sent a book my way. I ate up! Through discovering how the brain works, making maps and supermaps, wanting to make order out of everything, and wanting to learn for self instead of being told what to do, I was being told by God how He designed me and my brain if not all peoples and their brains as well. I am not weird even though I am left with this weird need to think instead of debating without a go-to partner to perfect my thinking.

Thinking is all about asking the right questions with the first question being of permission to ask. I have to give up asking my favorite question - why! I came to that understand of not asking God why questions years back, but now I cannot ask it at all! I can do it especially when I realized that why is all about the past. What or how are questions about now and the future! It is amazing to watch how it works when tried!!!! It is me and myself with this new knowledge. I will succeed.

sea, sand, & shells ...

One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach -
waiting for a gift from the sea.
~ 'Gift from the Sea' by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

whose hurt worst?

Few people believe they have the right body, and yet they do not destroy it. Many think they did not get the children they deserve, and yet they would never desert them. Most people will not even abandon a dog. Why is it so impossible to say, "You are my friend. I will never leave you."

It is not. And I say this to you now:
You are my partner, the one I want to walk through life with, the one I want to grow old with, the one whose hand I want to hold as I die. I will never neglect you. I will never turn from you. Forever and forever, I will never leave you.
from 'Notes to Each Other' by Hugh & Gayle Prather

I stumbled upon this book as I was taking my Saturday slow and weeping over memories. I reread his 2 letters again. I wept over never being able to write that book together. I hope though that one day when I feel strong again to write MY OWN book. Not doing so good this weekend all alone with my miserable thoughts, then to open up this book and read the first page... and a couple of others ...

You and I have seen the shattered minds and shattered lives that can result from breakups. Often the one most affected is not the one who was left, bu the one who took the initiative. There are exceptions, just as there are exceptions to the wisdom of continuing to try, but society kids itself if it believes that people don't pay for their betrayals. The inner toll is so enormous that if a couple could guess at even a portion of the nightmare they are choosing to walk into, they would work a little harder; they would in fact toil. from 'Notes to Each Other' by Hugh & Gayle Prather

firstfruits

When I read about ‘firstfruits’ in the Bible, I thought it met that the farmer took the best of his crops - the top of all his crops. Listening to a Bible teacher recently, he stated that ‘firstfruits’ was the entire first crop that came in for the farmer. He would offer the entire crop to God without knowing if the next day a storm would wipe out the rest of his season of growing!

Around here the farmers grow corn and beans. Except this season I am sure I will see more corn because of the increase use of ethanol. Right now the little plants are just peeking up through the richly brown earth from last night’s rain storms. Driving past them on the way to work, I can see how the weather affects the corn. A farmer could have a very nice or a very small crop. Giving of his firstfruits means banking on your faith and confidence of God. He did promise that you have more value than the birds and see how they do NOT worry for food.

Take a crop like the cherries in June that will be ready to pick. I know that first picking is always the best of the fruit. Later pickings aren’t always so good because of the friendly birds. Would you be willing to give away that first batch in a pie or jam for someone in need over yourself? Ok, you could say that this is O.T and I am getting down to nit picking. Yes, it is up to you to try this out and what to try your faith on. God is into mystery and surprises. You just might be blown away!

Now take a ‘crop’ that is special to you. For me it would be my painting. Am I willing to take all that I make from my first ‘crop’ and give to God? Without knowing if the show will be a bust or a bright season? Am I willing to add this new knowledge of ‘firstfruits’ to my tithe practices?

Honor the Lord with your possessions and with the firstfruits of all your increase; So your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will overflow with new wine.
Prov. 3:9 &10

Your money:
tithe - 10% of what you have / O.T. 25%!!!
firstfruits - your first crop
love offering - what moves you

unexpected peace ...

I asked for some kind of relief. I just didn't know what to ask for. After having my passion to paint die a little this past weekend and coming to a downward trend of my mood and having a request turned down and having to train someone for my old job, I just didn't want to spin out of control. I want to be professional and peaceful. I just did not know if I could do it after having a huge anger bite your tongue moment!!! Come on, isn't there a warning in the Bible to bosses that provoke their employees? Isn't not following through a form of disrespect and prime real estate for provoking anger. ARgh!

God came through and I am glad I was paying attention to recognize His peace. The girl is very easy to train. She was eager and I felt at ease. She has no bad habits like past trainees. I was able to smile full force without faking it. I have to give God honor and a huge thank You for knowing exactly what I needed even when I didn't know myself. I declare today a gooooooooood day!!!

OOOO, my knees ache. On with the yummmy smelly muscle cream and off to sleep with gratitude in a smile on my face as I doze off to dreamland.

my 2nd glass show ...

Yesturday I had my second craft show where I took my painted glasswork to show and to see if anyone would be willing to part ways with their 'greenbacks' enough to take my artwork into their home and enjoy. In my first show I sold only 3 pieces and this show I sold 12. I guess on the bright side I sold four times what I did three years ago. I am still bummed. I packed four boxes and I am returning with four boxes. They are still stacked in the kitchen unopened. My apartment is a small one. I want to be able to live in it simply. My craftroom doubles as the kitchen and it is often a battle each Saturday when I want to paint and eat. It doesn't help that I am being my reflective sad mood again. Here is my best atempt to think well and balanced so read on.

~F~acts : (focus on what was done NOT wasn't)
I learned a lot about myself and my art. I learned that I could step outside my comfort colors and try other colors like orange and yellow. I learned that certain color combos can take a piece and elevate it to an elegant artwork like the purple velvet pansy with teal white leaves on a teal frosted Riesling wine bottle that curve and angled in with an breath of debonair. I learned that I can and have edged away from the teacher. I learned to look at pictures of the Master's creations and have tried my best to copy them even I will never be able too. I have learned that spring colors and flowers are a favorite of mine - it is right up there with landscapes. I learned more about God's romance for me through His beautiful landscapes and His detailed beauty of a flower as simple as a violet or as artisan as an orchid.

~E~motions : (focus on the positive feelings)
I had a lot of excitement going into this glass show even some good anxiety. I had some major good thoughts about presentation. I had found a cornflower blue tablecloth that all the glass I had painted would look their very best. I also used square and corner tiles with purple blue flowers to accent as price tags. I even transformed my neglected dry erase board with my purple blue flowers as well. I know that when I go to craft shows my shy side doesn't ask questions like I should so the dry erase board had info if they where shy and even could prompt questions. I was very excited as I keep hearing voices say I do well or 'I wish I could see all you do'. I love painting what I enjoy painting. It isn't much fun to paint what I don't want to. All that I was painting was what I wanted or what I say the glass says to me and even what others ooooed and ahhhhed over. I really thought my pansies would sell even thought it would sell out.

I wiggled in my skin when I finished what I call my show stopper. It was that teal bottle. I loved it and I couldn't wait to get others reaction. It didn't make it to the show. A lady at work bought it. I am now glad that it didn't make it to the show. It would have been a real downer to have no one buy it as it probably would have just stood their looking pretty just like a beautiful girl at a party where no one pays attention to. Oh yeah, the emotions are suppose to be good ones. Like I said before I am glad the teal pansy bottle didn't make it to the show.

~E~ncourage : short, simple, sweet acknowledgement. be generous!)
I must send a thank you to Mrs. Bennett. She made me feel very good about being there. She knew me in a life past but it was great that she remembered and was attentive. The event had a theme and a ton of detail was put into it all. I knew they really had to work hard at planning and advertising. They outdid themselves with the signs and the decor. They aimed to love with their details and it showed.

I must say thank yous to those I invited and who showed up. I had invited most of those who thought I did great work and wanted to see the whole of what I do, but the vast majority did not show. No family made it either. So to those who showed up and really encouraged me and I must encourage them back. Like mamma said, you do what is important to you...

~L~earning : (focus on NEW insights not the details
I learned to do what I love. Yes, I need to try to paint things that scare me to expand my work, but to get lost in color and flowers is quite intoxicating. At this point I could turn down a very dark path but from those four boxes of my glasswork, I need to celebrate them... I guess a new insight is to learn to celebrate the pieces... and figuring out how...

~I~mplications : (focus on new wiring, new maps)
My goal is to paint for myself. I have a few projects I wanted to complete. Now is the time. I won't be painting any more candles. It is not what I want to do - maybe for a gift but not to sell. I will not buy any more glass. I might even have to reject glass because I have no room nor outlet to sell. If and when I get an office of my own, I will bring in glass weekly like some of the women bring in flowers. Seems frivolous but if they can enjoy the whif of smelly flowers while crunching numbers, I can enjoy artwork like taking in a whif of sight that carries me away to someplace special.

~N~ew
~G~oal:
Well, I don't think I am doing well with thinking but I must get it out and start fresh. I plan to rearrange my studio aka. kitchen so that I can work better and not fight it every time I want to eat. I plan to enjoy my painted flowers at work since I kill plants on the side. My lasted victim? the pansies I bought for a buck. I need to be creative in cross stitching and looming so the painting will slow down dramatically over the summer months. I have gifts to make so I will doing those.

~current reality~
I have to much of my artwork in my over crowded living space.

~explore alternatives~
1. super stocked when it comes to gifts. Time to give them for all occasions and just because. Could unload on college friends that don't live near.
2. have a glass sale instead of a yard sale at my parent's place.
3. wait it out until September when the craft shows begin again.
4. take in a piece of glass each week to enjoy and possibly get rid of...
5. consignment
6.
7.

I need more alternatives. At this moment in time, I won't be doing any more shows. Especially since they begin in the fall for Christmas and all I have now is spring stuff. 1, 2 and 4 look ok to do.

~tap energy~
Uh, what energy? I have none! Maybe tomorrow or next week or next year ... I don't even have energy to clean my brushes and put them away! Oh well, I am in a mood. This too will past like my mother always says. ARRRgh! Blah!

{sticks fingers in my ears and blammbers and hides under the covers}

Ok, I will act grown up only because I should. I need to think on beauty. Focus my energy on the good facts and the good feelings. I am energizes by God Beauty. Maybe that is my calling ... to be energized by God's Beauty through my painting and vocally say it aloud when others ask what I do or why I paint...

Why do you paint? How did you know you could paint?
I love glass and I love God's flowers and colors. I like to express the Joy of God though my humble attempts to paint His Masterpieces. I like the joy I feel inside when I stand back and take it all in. I enjoy the figuring out how to make the strokes of the brush to create a flower. I express my gratitude often for His Beauty. It takes my breath away to imagine the Creator as He creates and the Joy He has when He stands back and marvels. I know He loves it much more than I could ever...

I loved glass and had a whisper of wanting to paint since I was a child. I searched to see if there was paint for glass and was pleasantly surprised to find it! I bought 3 different colors and daddled. The rest is history. The rest is the expression of my romance with God ...

Party crackers (n.)

I love watching Bob Ross the painter on Saturday mornings. I love his calming and soft voice as he shows you how to paint the landscapes. I eat this up because I have always craved being able to paint a landscape. He is so one with nature that he has a few endearing words and phrases for the things he paints. One is for the fall trees bearing their reds, oranges, and yellows. He calls them fire crackers. Love it!!!

So this morning when I was looking at my trees bursting forth with their bright green leaves and others blooming in white flowers, I decided to name the spring trees as party crackers! They are such a delight for the eyes. Even if they cause the allergies to flare…

Good thing you weren’t in my jeep this morning! You would have thought I was a bit off my rocker as I was exclaiming ‘oOOooo, look another party cracker!’

broken blue line

Last Monday they had a one year memorial service for a fallen brother in the line of duty. Then as the wee hours ticked off in expectation of a new day, they heard news that they dreaded. Another one of their own was shot dead while another was wounded on a call of a man welding a gun. - Another typical April night.

Sadly, the evil is stacking up that to desensitize, I turn off the continual coverage the media saturates on air waves. Mass school shootings, Murder – suicides, and police shootings have been racking up the numbers. In defense I have been seeking out beauty and yes, getting lost in my own life as it is very busy at the moment.

I so desperately want to remain sensitive and I don’t want the evil deeds to scab over my heart causing callous behavior. How can I redeem the time as the days are evil? Keep giving out monster smiles and bright eyes. Keep giving out loving attention. Do what is beautiful. ‘To the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet’. Time to show them what sweet is all about.

To Nick – thank you for your service. You are the shield. Thank you for being the blue line.
To Nick’s family – thank you for raising and keeping a young man, father, and friend, dear to your hearts. Wrap up in God’s comfort as prayers surround you.
To us the community – Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand (phil 4:5)

note to self:
Feel the numbness but don't give up...

'O righteous God,
who searches minds and hearts, bring to an end the violence of the wicked and make the righteous secure. My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart. God is a righteous judge, a God who expresses his wrath every day. If he does not relent, he will sharpen his sword; he will bend and string his bow. He has prepared his deadly weapons; he makes ready his flaming arrows. He who is pregnant with evil and conceives trouble gives birth to disillusionment. He who digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the pit he has made. The trouble he causes recoils on himself; his violence comes down on his own head. I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High.' Psalm 7:9-17

I pray the sames words as King David. My eyes will stay on You. The enemy is a thief and I will not let steal my joy or my sensitivity.
~always Your little girl

living in contrasts
don't take the girl

Nick is resting beside Scott. They worked together and are laid to rest together...

bitter vs the honeycomb ...

I am finding that the Bible is so right on about human nature. Have you noticed how someone will stay in an abusive relationship? It does not matter how many times he has hit her. It does not matter how many times she has fallen down with bruises in places they should not be. It does not matter how many times he has mentally abused her by saying ‘you’re no good’ etc. She takes the bitter. She cannot imagine life without it. No attention is worse than bitter or so the culture has taught her.

In Proverbs 27:7 it is stated like this: ‘A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb, but to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.’ Our emphasis should not be on what the hungry soul does but on the condition of the soul. It is HUNGRY! So hungry in fact that their taste buds are dull to the bite. The only cure is to get rid of the bitter and bring in the sweets like love, value, loving attention, and compassion. Before you know it, the hungry soul’s taste will improve and the understanding sharpened. The cravings won’t be there to consume rather satisfaction and contentment.

A hungry soul just might be the guy at work who complains all the time. Nothing is right. If the satisfied soul can give of his abundance of honeycomb, the hungry soul begins for feed and becomes attracted to the sweet. You are what you eat! Wow! Now that is a thought to keep.

Anyone who is feeding on bitter like it is going out of style has a serious condition of the ‘hungries’ and the satisfied souls can help. How can you make a difference to a hungry soul? Are you hungry? Would you know or is your taste buds out of whack? What are you feeding on? Aren't we humans a bottomless pit when it comes to love?

be the busy bee & pollinate!

satisfied toil ...

I have seen the burden God has laid on men.
He has made everything beautiful in its time.
He has also set eternity in the hearts of men;
yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy
and do good while they live.
That everyone may eat and drink,
and find satisfaction in all his toil--this is the gift of God.
I know that everything God does will endure forever;
nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.
God does it so that men will revere him.
Ecclesiastes 3:10-14

Hmmmm, I love how God feeds me in the places I need to be fed. Right now I am deciding whether to take a new position at work. I haven't found the no answer so most likely I will take on this scary new path.

The food is full of mystery yet filling. It isn't giving me doubt about moving forward but maybe more of saying do this and in time your passions and dreams will become work that will not only feed your soul but your life as well.

His Words above come all together and some may not seem to fit yet all of it together gives me an enduring comfort to joyfully toil. {happy sigh & a tickled pink smile}

april showers ...

The hard rain striped the shell from leaf buds, unfurling bright green leaves like a little girl sashaying the ruffles on a spring dress. Some trees still stand naked while others have pink or white petals peeking out like a dainty petticoat under a long skirt. So much promise of a parade of May color and flowers penetrates the canvas that if you let it, your heart feels the rhythmic cadence of excitement. If you stand so still you can hear the whispers of the undressing of seeds that have hidden away hibernating during the winter’s night. Ooo, I love it all! Rain, the gentle thunder awaking, the flowers grand and small, the petals soft, the colors bright … What a Masterful Creator! Oh, how He shows His Love for me in the smallest of details…

Dearest Creator,
You signed Your Name on every masterwork Your Hands created from the grandest mountains to the smallest viola petal. “O Lord, our Lord, how excellent is Your Name in all the earth! ~Ps 8:9

Thanking for romancing me with an April shower and the promise of May flowers. O, how I love Your Signature. Huge Huggers!!!
~always Your little delighted girl

their work will be joy ...

Obey your leaders and submit to their authority.
They keep watch over you as men who must give an account.
Obey them so that their work will be a joy,
not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.
~ Heb 13:17

keeper's paraphrase:
'Obey the managers and bosses at work. They keep watch over you for they must keep account of your work. Work hard. Give your best. Think of your own solutions to keep on your toes. Be organized. Make new habits that is beneficial. Smile. Listen. Keep open communication. Never assume. Never tell others what to do. Always ask questions. Always ask permission. Be nice. Be courteous. Obey your authorities and work hard. This will be joy to them. They won't roll their eyes when you come in or deal harshly with you when your review comes up... They might just ask you why there is a Light shining through you! '

wellspring policy

The Spring of Laughter
Today's Scripture
"Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst— not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life." (John 4:14)
Today's Word from Joel and Victoria
When you make Jesus the Lord of your life, God puts within you an eternal well that will never run dry. You have an unlimited supply of good things inside you which should be continually bubbling out of you. But Satan doesn't want your joy, happiness, or laughter to flow freely. So he comes along and throws a stone of, say, worry into your well. You may think, "That's just one little stone. It's not hurting anything. The water is still flowing pretty well." But Satan will be back soon with another stone, whether it's fear, self-pity, or hopelessness. If you haven't dealt individually with each of these stones and gotten rid of them, your nice, free-flowing well of good things will become clogged. But you can still unclog it with a major dose of laughter!
A Prayer for Today
Lord, thank You for the spring of eternal life and joy that You have placed within me. Help me deal with the stones that can block the free flow of goodness, joy, and laughter. In Jesus' name. Amen.
above from Joel Olsteen’s daily devotional

I have been putting my ‘Wellspring Policy’ on the back burner for some time now. I didn’t want to repeat my other thoughts even though this goes in hand in hand with getting to know your real self (fat suit epiphany & tipping point) and learning to take care of yourself. By developing some guidelines I can be confident that I have learned from my own tipping point and maybe shed light on the fact that no matter how good we try to be, we fail.

A warning in Proverbs 4:23 has been my guidance. ‘’Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of LIFE.’’ Yes, I know that when my waters muddied, there was no life or brightness in my eyes. I felt naked and used. I knew I needed to be strong and stop hurting myself. How do you do that?

I want to go back a step. When you become a believer, your heart is transformed and God describes this as an spring. "Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst— not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life." (John 4:14) Take this in. Haven’t you daydreamed especially on one of those hot humid grimy days for a clear clean spring that bubbled and gushed with fresh yummy water there tucked in a cool wooded area? Ok maybe not the first daydream, you beach lovers you! What a visual. That is my heart! But it is also my job to protect that wellspring…

Start drinking from the well that will never run dry – God’s Word! Start thinking about the Words He has preserved from Alpha and Omega. Pray these Words and use them in your speech. Stop hedging. Go for it. Be honest and don’t hide even when it goes against the world. Something changes and you might not notice it. Stay alert. Keep saying the Words. A good place to practice is when watching tv or a movie. Every time something goes against His Words and Promises, declare His Attributes and His Promises. Keep it basic and simple. No discussions. Give proof to your faith. We are to pray without ceasing and we are to use the Shield. Great protection. Then when opportunity arises, God will come to you and give you the Words to protect you when you feel the urge to hide (fat suit) or feel the needs of attention (tipping point). Your voice may be hard to hear but you will stand firm…

The enemy is a thief. The Friend is the Defender and Supplier…

God's will & work ...

Way to go Little Bro!
“Back in my Grandfather’s and my father’s day the question of God’s will and work was ‘It is God’s will that I work and that I do my best.’ Today’s generation answer is ‘What job is in God’s will for me?’

I loved this. Which generation is correct? It seems obvious to me. Yet, as I think about old paths, I tend to feel one should go after their dreams and passions because it feels like the key to what God desires us to give to the world. However could it be that the work before me even though I have no passion for, is God’s will? Do I still go for my passions?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I know my answer for myself is that my daily grind is God’s will. I am learning here that it has made me better at my first impressions. Developing my malnourished surface has been helping me be more delightful. It has proven that a well-rounded surface makes it easier to develop depth with others. Qualities I need to be the best I can be and I know my passions would not have lead me down that path. However, my passions have been my outlet for the ‘learnings’ I have gained from my daily grind!

I jotted down my thoughts at the beginning of the month but here it is the end of the month and I have a decision to make about my work. Do I go and take the Accounts Payable job that opened up? Or do I stick with my Reception job? It has been a real thinker. I have been riding the fence, flipping back and forth. Honestly, I have been looking for a ‘no’ answer. It would make my decision easy!

Like I said before the Receptionist’s job has been really good for me – a really good fit. In the loss of my last job, I realized that the atmosphere that you work in can drain you until you are a shell of who you are meant to be. I think now I am learning through the thinking process is that I must decide whether I can deflate the stress or am I going to let the stress change me. I found a thread of thought ‘with balance comes peace’. I know that stress is a part of learning but I need to be able to balance the stress so that I can use it towards good instead of it working against me.

What good is the learning if I cannot take it and apply it in other areas of my life and use it for the rest of my days? I do plan to greet others and keep open the communications instead of hiding out in my office. Greetings could very well be the answer to keep my social-needs tank full to aid in doing good work. I need some social interactions or I find myself cranky by 5PM. Well, ok by noon!

I have decided to see if there was ‘yes’ answers after realizing I was so focused on finding a no answer. I really am trying to see if God is directing a path to take. I can’t see if this will take me towards my passions and I don’t know how this will add to my dreams. The dots have lined up. My hat is still in the ring and a ‘no’ answer can still come… Either way I want God to lead me …

Let the morning bring me Word of Your Unfailing Love,
for I have put my trust in You.
Show me the way I should go,
for to You, I lift up my soul.
~Ps 143:8

Keep me safe, O God,
for in You I take refuge.
I said to the Lord,
“You are my Lord;
apart from You I have no good thing.”
~Ps 16:1&2

long trip alone

It's a long trip alone over sand and stones
That lie along the road that we all must travel down

So maybe you could walk with me a while
And maybe I could rest beneath your smile
Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold
'Cause it's a long trip alone

It's a short piece of time but just enough to find
A little peace of mind under the sun somewhere

So maybe you could walk with me a while
And maybe I could rest beneath your smile
You know we can't afford to let one moment pass us by
'Cause it's a short piece of time

And I don't know where I'd be without you here
'Cause I'm not really me without you there

Yeah Yeah
Yeah Yeah oooh

So maybe you could walk with me a while
Maybe I could rest beneath your smile
Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold

So maybe you could walk with me a while
Maybe I could rest beneath your smile
Maybe I could feel you right beside me 'til I'm home
'Cause it's a long trip alone

A Long trip alone
sung by Dierks Bentley

{sighs}

seasons, thinking, & mapping it forward ...

A couple years ago I was confiding in my good friend how frustrated I was with a friendship that bit the dust. He had a ditty about friendship seasons. I was not happy about it then especially sense he has disappeared and I am not happy about it now nor will I ever be.

Why am I so vehemently against friendships lasting a season? Aren’t we setting up every friendship we make to failing when we say ‘oh well, season has ended’? I am not so stupid to think all friends will stay in my life for ever. I have lived long enough to understand that people will move away physically or take a different job etc.

I believe we should see friends as ‘friendlies’ that will move in and out of our lives and that there is great potential for you to continue to have them as your friends for the long haul. The only time you should discard friendships is if they are doing you harm whether it is physical abuse or mental abuse or emotional abuse or sabotaging your faith.

Friendships have a flow and a pace much like the four seasons which by the way are continual year after year. Life does not stop. Spring holds that right in my face. The tree right out side my bedroom window has buds - proof that leaves are coming. The crocus and daffodils have popped up from the ground. Everything once ‘dead’ – really are just sleeping and resting up – is alive! So too should our notion of friendship like seasons be a continual. Hmmm, holding on instead of letting go….???

Yes, friendships have problems like pet peeves, slow times, boredom, stress, frustrations, telling others how to act or think, disrespect, different views … ok the list could go on and on. Too often when trying to fix the problem, we ask ‘why did this happen?’ Then we go through it and through it and over it and over it repeatedly. I say my beef and then you say why it happened and then say your beef and I say why it happened and I say my beef …. Over and over. Then the apologies begin. We repeat our apologies with each new beef especially if we are really trying to be good believers. This is all past and regurgitated so many times that no wonder friendships end. It is not about fixing the problem rather it is time to go forward.

Mapping it forward begins with what we first loved in each other and then to a solution. What has your friendship-on-the-rocks contributed in your life? Here are some focused questions: What is their story? What do you enjoy about them and their story? What are the ‘sames’ that hold you two together? I know without a doubt that differences make us unique and often make a relationship richer and stronger, but in a time of difficulty focusing on what makes us different will only keep us in the past and damage the connections further.

Answering these questions for yourself takes you out of the past hurt and moves you to present day. Now is the time to map it forward. Here are some thinking questions: How motivated are you to resolving this? Do you have a plan for making another attempt? What do you want to achieve? What are you noticing about your thinking? Would it be worth turning your insights into habits? Do you know what to do to turn this into a habit? Are you clear about what to do next?

I have been understanding that my strong friendship feeling had been sabotaged by some important break ups recently. I have had it. If a pattern develops, maybe I should just let go and go a different route. What I love about God is that He will keep nudging me, helping me to think this through even when I don’t want to.

I love my brain. I love thinking. I love insights. I love making new habits to do better in my life. I love how I feel strongly about things like the power of forever and deep relationships. I hate fighting. I hate debate. I hate others telling me what to do and I hate it immensely when others call me bossy. Yes, bossy means that I slipped up and was giving advice somewhere. Sometimes it is sooooo easy to do especially when someone is complaining or frustrated over some problem. I tend to make suggestions only to give support when it really is giving them unwanted advice.

God in His Wisdom had this book on the library shelf. I saw it there before and this time I decided I should try it. It is called “Quiet Leadership” - ‘Help people think better – don’t tell them what to do!’ by David Rock. This book has been speaking my language. It has proven my own theory that brains think in ‘maps’. It shows you how to think, how to listen, how to speak, how to allow insights, and how to make habits. It shows you how focusing on the problem is really staying in the past. It shows you how to think solutions and mapping forward to keep yourself in the present and on into the future!!! Hip Hip Horray! I knew it all along in my gut but had no real proof or direction to stand tall in this area. There is so much info here I am about ready to explode! I am super excited as I have mentally exercised some problem solving. I am ready to be strong and believe in depth. I am ready to focus on the present with a broken friendship. I am even going to learn to say what I really mean instead of beating around the bush in order not offend others. It is not about changing others. It is about nurturing my thoughts, my listening, my speech, and my habits to make them pleasing to God and to be more at peace with myself and others.

I feel as though I came back to the place in my heart where relationships are powerful and deep. It is affirming what I had once believed. No more missteps. I am ready to begin again. I know the future will test me with inattention and seek to devalue the depth. The enemy is a thief but he will no longer steal what is precious to me – authentic potent relationships. My focus is on their story and what I enjoy about them. I am excited!!!

Disclaimer: I am making strong statements and I have work to do on this area. But I am strengthening my thoughts and hope to get a better grasp of my friends and this friend path I am on. I have an action plan that I want to bring and offer to a friendship once ended ...

r - e - s- p - e - c - t

What is it about RESPECT? Why does it surface and hide and surface making me go into a search of why it is so important? What is RESPECT? Teaching teenagers with the oldest only being 5 years younger than I, I was told by the 'principal' that I had to earn their RESPECT. I wanted to hurl. From the depths of my soul it came, Trust is earned. Respect is given. Period. Always and Forever, the end.

Ok ok, I decided to make a list of what I felt about RESPECT to have at the surface to know and expect from myself.

1. Ask - When you ask permission, you are honoring the person.
2. Greetings - Say hello not only with your best voice but with Bright Eyes. Eye to eye contact is taking a time out from other things and giving your full attention to another in that split second!
3. Soft words - All of your words should be calm & affirming like the honeycomb with the crisp and the sweet nourishing another's being and their life. What better way to disfuse your own anger as well as another's but with soft words?
4. Your word - Keep your promises but also follow through!
5. Compliments - Watch how a limp soul, turns towards the sunshine!
6. Please and Thank you's - simple courtesy.
7. Open communication - Do your level best not to 'read' in to other's actions. Get it straight from their mouth. Look into their eyes. Too often it is easy to read the negative in their inattentive moves when it could be that they are struggling with thier life path.

A very simple list but can be very difficult! I am sooooo sick and tired of how rude people are especially on the telephone. Having to answer the phone for a living, I can become quite run down from such brash, ill-mannered, and demanding people. It is hard to keep the anger down and become rude myself. It is a hard battle.

As Monday played out with its horror, we can still redeem the time. Respect is at its core LOVE. Everyone can respect and love each more. A compliment is often what we long to hear but die a little bit every time an opportunity goes...

turned inward ...

Depression is anger turned inward.

Whoa! How interesting is that? This is the first time I heard of it, but it is soooo true. I sort of knew it.

Oh, how I miss my conversations with him! What paths we would go down or what dots we could connect. I loved his brain. I love my own too. Oh well ...

chip away!

I have noticed that with gruff men that you can actually chip away the rock and reveal the 'friendly' inside by keeping up the daily greetings and good mornings with your best smile. So if this has worked on some pretty tough dudes, it should work on the one that I have a schedule meeting with HR tomorrow. In honest words this guy and his department aren't playing nice with me the receptionist. I am getting sick of it and have some not so happy feelings about it. I've have been taming the beast inside and will try to work on solutions. However, I do believe my best arsenal is just my smile and bright eyes to chip away the bad feelings and ruts...

yellow violets ...

I was trying to shake a severely sullen state of mind as I was feeling crushed on all sides. My list of treats started with warm milk, well maybe if I needed warmth tonight to soothe an achy heart. Other treats was maybe a really cool mag on flowers or cottage living with a huge amount of beautiful romantic pictures for me to excape to or get some items to paint up for my show coming in three weeks. Flowers were not on the list but that was my favorite treat of the night.

I went into the local 'fix it' store. My mission was to get corner tiles for my show. I am using them as price signs. Pretty cool if I say so myself. I will be painting my purple flowers on the side and using a dry erase marker in the shade of purple. So it will be useable time and time again. It will look so great on the blue tablecloth! Oh, off on a trail .. back to these rows of flowers marked way down. I think the cold weather had taken them over because the flowers looked a little sad. Pansies and especially violets (johnny jump ups) have a huge weak in the knees effect on me. I wanted purple but the yellow ones had an intense stare and even though I argue that I couldn't because I had no green thumbs, I picked up a small 6 in flat for a buck! They went into small pots I had lying around empty. I was so excited over them because this is a major paint weekend and be kind to me time. I now had inspiration!

Note to the guys:
Instead of getting or not getting cut flowers, try getting them a special plant. Some women are going to soft with rose bushes. Just imagine her showing off her rose garden. Some women are going to go mushy with those bright orange tiger lillies. Some like me will go gooy over little violets and blueberry bushes. Get creative!

Note to God:
Thank You for creating such a gorgeous beauty in a simple violet! Oh, how I love to just look in the petal soft face and try to capture Your Great Creativity in my own human paint and brush...

"I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.
Now choose life."
(Deuteronomy 30:19)

mud slogging ...

The bad feelings come from some internal trigger. There is no control and it comes right on schedule - a stretch of good mood days followed by a stretch of bad mood days. It comes on especially hard when things don’t go smoothly land in the stretch of sad feelings like the vehicle that seems to drain you of funds. The middle to mundane becomes unbelievable monsters. You feel crushed and attacked. It is like your energy field is hyper sensitive to all around you and there is no way to desensitize. If you have ever been around an autistic person and watched how sensitive they are to their surroundings yet seem so far away verbally, you can begin to picture how these sad emotions take root in a woman’s soul and her struggle to stay on top. You know those feelings where you need to explode but you hold it inside because you want to be a good girl.

Women are God-Created as beautiful creatures so He knows how His girls struggle with these not so beautiful feelings. No matter how I try to focus on the good, I feel like I am walking up a mountain in mud up to my knees. I am trying to surround these days with music and beautiful pictures. I hum a soothing hymn. I shout out His Attributes. I declare Victory. But I got to figure out if I can incorporate some good clean stress relieving humor into the mix. I need laughter and that is the hardest to accomplish. Oh, and more sleep too! Yesterday and two preceding days were bad, today is better. Opps, no the day got worse after I wrote these words. I am doing a bit of an edit now that I came back to my words. I will keep trying! I want to work with it and not against it. This will only happen for a little while more. Then I am told the mood stays good! Hurray for that!

Mom can't remember what it was like and her advise is 'and this too shall pass'. Ok, not the words I want to hear! May I will love thoses words someday just not now!! Just give me my blankie and my teddy bear. Hibernation sounds good for the soul ... no, claw marks left on others...


Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain:
I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Words: Ci vil la D. Mar tin, 1905.
Music: Charles H. Gabriel

not abandon ... Easter's gift

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because You will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will You let your Holy One see decay.
~Ps 16:9-10

Dear Savior,
You did this all for me. You took on my punishment. You died where I should have. You arose. Death could not keep You. You offered me new life. I accepted. You keep me from the grave. New buds and blooms have taken hold of my branches. You nurture and feed me. No decay is present. You nip it even before I am fully aware of its dangers. You nudge me to think anew. I listen even with the hard bits. My heart is joyful and I shout. I am secure evermore in You.

'Trust the Lord, oh my soul and all that is within me. I will bless His Holy Name.' Thank You cannot express what You have done for me... Huge huge hug.
~always your girl

were are the worms?

Robins all puffed with no necks have been standing on their twig-like legs in brown fields this week in hopes of getting any warmth the dirt might have stored from the sun. Mid Marth had temps in the high 70*s. But this week temps fell to below freezing. 20* has frozen up what Spring has brought in little midget leaves on trees and bushes. Tulips and daffodills in bloom are bent and icy. Winter snow came last night and has stayed all day and promises to continue on into Easter.

We have had Spring snow where it has been very wet and warm in April. But this is wierd! I did thank God for the Winter Beauty last night as well as a prayer for the poor Robins! They aren't flying very fast and an orange spot on the road saddens my heart...

peculiar!!!

Looking for that Blessed Hope, and the Glorious appearing of the Great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us, that He might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto Himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. ~Titus 2:13-14

I love those words 'peculiar people' but then comes the punch ' zealous of goods works ' !! Ouch! Am I as zealous head over heels eager to do good works? Sadly, I could do more. I often get tired and find solace out of the way and out of sight. His words a purifying reminder to work it out in my life...

my blue brain ...

Your Brain is Blue

Of all the brain types, yours is the most mellow. You tend to be in a meditative state most of the time. You don't try to think away your troubles. Your thoughts are realistic, fresh, and honest. You truly see things as how they are. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about your friends, your surroundings, and your life.

What Color Is Your Brain?

Hmmmmm, I do have to say I really love my brain. I often catch myself thanking God for insights and nudges He sends my way. Mellow is interesting and I do believe it true. If I am at an impasse, I know that it is because I am to do something I don't want to. If I am stuck in waiting, I know to move to what I can control and giving the hard stuff to God. I crave calm and I seek it through balancing my thoughts. It is truly a delightful place for me. It is true that I am in a meditative most of the time and I give no apologies! I love thinking. I love mapping out solutions. It is creative juices for my living and for my passions. I love my blue brain!

reflections of Easter ...

My thoughts started connecting dots. I was noticing how the story of Abraham taking Issac to sacrifice as God commanded and how God led and ultimately sacrificed His Beloved Son. As a dear friend once told me of how the same Bloke wrote the whole Bible because He wrote the same story though out (butterfly effect), I can't help but notice it here even as it contrasts a bit. The Issac story teaches us to let go of all that we hold precious and the Jesus story teaches to hold on THE PRECIOUS. I love how God tells a story. His Story is always of His Deep Love for us.... It is a Love Story ... a Love Letter...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This evening as I watched an reenactment of doubting Thomas not believing until he could actually touch the Master's nailed pierce hands and the wound in His side. I realized that Thomas has the love language of TOUCH. He needed to touch to know. My heart ached and whispered a prayer for a dear one who also has the love language of touch. Oh, how it must weigh heavy on these types. Oh, how it takes a deep strength to believe without touching. I know our relationship wasn't as deep for him as it was for me because I need words and he needs touch..... I felt him struggle with where he was with his life. I wonder how much of has to do with touch and feeling YOU in his life... a question I would love to ask. God has him. He is my Issac ... he is not mine...

my forge ...

Ahhhh, to open a book that I have read in the past, to find notes jotted down, to find words underlined just for my future self to come back to and find nurishment again...

the Blacksmith is God
Iron is my faith
Fire is my suffering
Shaping is my growth
Forge is the waiting

''Waiting'' by Ben Patterson

Quinoa!!!

It is funny how you can go about your life thinking you know all there is about food. Well, at least the basics. It is also amazing how your brain searches for substitutes. I can now add Quinoa to my list.

I have never heard of this before but on Saturday a cook was using it in her passover meal. Then I happened to find it at the local grocery. So I decided to see if it had been on the list of what they tested for my food allergies and found it was safe. I had to find out more about this mystery food.

It is a seed but it is an excellent alternative to white rice and I can prepare it in the rice cooker that I had bought and now was deciding if I should throw out. I will have to try it in my stir fry! It also says you can toast it in a pan like a granola! There is quinoa flour toooooo! Hmmm, will have to try it in my baking...

I am putting it on my grocery list.

A whole new world out there!

moving in!

I got new neighbors!!!! There is always a sense of dread when there is the changing of the guard but not this one. I've been watching them move in and they sing most beautifully! Yes, they sing while they work! When I hear the beautiful chords I rush to the window and am rewarded with their scurry.

I live on the top floor and there is this bush that has finally reached my window. It is a great flat for my fine feathered friends. I think they are fenches. She is grey and he is grey with red. Yesturday it seemed that she was figuring out the layout and today she brought in some bedding. They seem to work together as I saw them leave together in flight last night. What a joy to watch. How expectant is my heart as they nest! New babies to come! I hope I get to see them eat and sing and take their first flight!

Thank You, most Beautiful Creator! I am super excited a this beautiful gift of life and of joy! How Spring like! How God-like! Oh, so true. Earth is crammed with the stuff of Heaven!! Thank You for 'expecting' and the mystery!