so quiet is wrong?

We are loving the new church because it is a Bible believing church. It is amazing to be so happy every Sunday! It isn't just me, I can feel it coming from Mom & Dad too. We have been going since July and Dad is already wanting to join. So reading over the application and requirements, I got really upset to tears....

What was my Spiritual Gift? I was in a panic! Here I know myself forward, backwards, inside out, top to bottom and I don't know what part of the body of Christ I am? Not only was there panic but there was anger. The reason I know soooo much about myself that it is scary is because I am soooo quiet. Now being a QUIET means that something is wrong with you. So ever since junior high I have been trying to FIX myself. I thought cheerleading would make me louder. Well, I am glad I never got the nerve to try that. I tried out for a college play because I was in a play in junior high and maybe I could do it again. What did they ask of me? Yell so they can here in the back of the little theater. Well, I did. Surprised them but I didn't get the part. After college I poured over every reasonable self help book on marriage, personalities, etc. Since 2003 God broke me of the habit of self help and showed me God-Help. Through all my searching, I have stirred up quite a bit of heat over feeling inferior or the need to change my quiet ways.

Well, I was livid with hot tears pouring out my eyes. Once again here I was crying before bed. I did not want my spiritual gift to be nursery duty or Sunday school teaching. I made a hysterical txt to my little bro. "Your gift is encouragement. See if they have a card ministry. Your cards are great." I wanted to dance on my chair but I was at work and you know, quiet is my normal. I made a call to Mom later in the week and she came through with "God created you quiet. They cannot go against the Creator." This registered Eric Liddell's famous line "God made me fast" Again I wanted to dance on my desk this time but I was at work and you know, quiet is my normal.

So I am dragging out my very big soap box here on llj and lugging out the mammoth speakers turning the volume to deafening.
God made me quiet. God made me creative. God made me word smart and picture smart. God gave me the love language of words just like King David! God made me sensitive. God gave me an insatiable desire to learn. God made me a great listener. God made me interested in others. God made me a great wing-man. God made me an encourager. God also gave me fire. Don't dare to change that quiet in me. Nothing is wrong with me. God made me quiet.

Well, it looks like this is a place to take a breath and pause. I am not done. Surprise, Surprise! Look for another post...

I am a mixed personality but I was so gung-ho on the part I understood and really didn't pay attention to the quieter side until now. God has been stirring up things lately. The 'melancholy' side is curious. More later....

Oh, are you wondering why I got soooo huffy at the beginning of this post? The pastor is a dominant personality. It worries the quiet me. The melancholy side is getting hot and protective. The passive side has had enough after soooo many years of being a wing-man with no returns and a lot of leavers when I did finally spoke up. I am glad the pastor is a strong personality preaching the Word. That is his job. Just wanting others to except my job as a quiet sensitive encourager .... I know a lot of wind without substance. However, I have made my statement now to not backing down... ok more later!!!

strengthen by Him ...

Another believer died last Friday morning from pancreatic cancer. She is a wife and grandmother. Her husband is a big man but this is rocking him to the core. His tummy jiggles as the tears well up and his lip quivers. I have been praying hard that he finds Jesus Christ as the reason to get out of bed each day....

I am going back to II Timothy 4 for more encouragement. "At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me: I pray God that is may not be laid to their charge. But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that the message might be preached fully through me, and that all the Gentiles might hear. Also I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His Heavenly Kingdom. To Him be Glory forever and ever. Amen!" (verses 16-18) I saw this through one sick in bed but as these dear loved ones go into the Arms of Jesus, you have to see these verses through the ones left behind. If they can go on with the hearts ripped out but stand strengthened by the Great Comforter, what a message is being preached through the their songs over the storms.

I have been focusing a lot on cancer and carry through it. I am wore out. I have found myself thanking the Lord for the best gift ever - everlasting life. I am sooooo grateful that I have a God who loves me and will never leave me at my defenses. God stands with me and strengthens me!!!!! Now that is pretty AWESOME!

a Race or a Battle?

How to die from cancer or some prolonged death has been twirling around in my mind of late. (My prayer list has too many with cancer...) It is often said 'I am going to beat this thing' or 'She lost her battle with cancer.' As a believer I shutter at these words and I began to question why this wasn't sitting right with me.

In Ephesians 6:10-18 it tells us to put on the full armor of God. Why? To make a stand against the devil's schemes. This is the battle not cancer. The battle is about good vs. evil. Everlasting Life vs. everlasting death. It about keeping our faith sure and strong. No wavering. For our battle is not against flesh and blood! Doesn't this mean our battle is not against sickness or death? Cancer is a beast and so very unforgiving. We feeble humans fight cancer with poison! How whacked out is that? I just want rip at my heart and scream on the top of lungs... that is how much I feel about this.

I always need a picture to deal with life's hardships and how I am to behave as a believer. So if cancer isn't the battle what is it? and how do I deal with it victoriously? I see it like in II Timothy 4:6-8. Cancer should be a race. Well, to clarify it even more, life is a race. Cancer would be a bend or the steep incline or a chapter in the race. It is not how fast but it about the endurance. It is seeing yourself running and there in the stands are others who have endure the what you have gone through. There are family members and friends who are praying for you and holding you before God. These are the witnesses like Isaiah 43:12 talks about. ("You are My witnesses," declares the Lord "that I AM God.") I like looking up into those stands because others have endured bring Glory to God and so can I. I also have ones that are coming behind me. I must be a good witness for them. (I use this in my singleness too.) I don't focus on the stands rather that is in side vision because my focus is on the finish line where my Lord and Master is waiting with outstretched BARE Arms to welcome me. Ah, what a bear hug that will be. I smile and if there are tears it is tears of JOY. Yes, I sorrow because I am stuck here with all those human feelings of loss but I have the promise of EVERLASTING LIFE. I am all good!!!!

Paul says "For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the Crown of Righteous, which the Lord, the Righteous Judge, will reward to me on that day- and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His Appearing." ~II Timothy 4:6-8 AMEN!!!!

We have two frontlines as a believer. The battle of faith and the race of life. I feel we must keep a clear perspective of both and not mix up the sickness as the battle. Our battle is against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil .... anything that would rob us of living purely and strongly for God.

No matter what you think or even if you think a bit off my rocker, the battle is the Lord's and He is the Strong Man. Here is another picture I love... 'How can anyone enter a strong man's house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man? Then he can rob his house. He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters.' Matt 12:29-30 See Jesus Christ is my Strong Man. I send Him to the door. I know I am safe with Him..... I will not be tied up. I will run free straight into His Arms. Praise Yahweh.....

gift of mercy ...

Yikes, another believer from my childhood is nearing this life's finishing line with the same kind of cancer that Cathy died of ... pancreatic cancer. This cancer is a beast. This believer is a grandma with kids my age. Her husband is a big man but this is too much for him. His lower lip and belly quiver with grief. He does not want to let go. My heart goes out to them.

God is trying to teach something as I am trying to grasp it. I went up to see Cathy in a spur of the moment and wasn't sure what to expect. I felt awkward because Cathy was a very tired and drugged up coming back from surgery but I did come away with a better since of how to pray for the family. Praying is something I can do when all else fails me. Then I heard Chuck Swindoll talk a little about the gift of mercy and then in my Bible reading I went through Job.

What grabbed my ears when Swindoll talked about the gift of mercy was that it is displayed in someone when they are quiet and with out words at a sick bedside or a death bed. Now some people have that gift naturally but I think all believers should practice this gift. What I have going for me is that I am naturally quiet and even if I have words, I don't say them because I am very shy. What I don't have going for me is that I feel awkward and feel like a heal for not being able to put others at ease. It doesn't mean my mind is blank. It is going a mile a minute especially leading up to the moment. So maybe God is teaching me how to use my quiet for mercy...

I remember a conversation with a dear one about Job. We agreed that Job was difficult. I left it that the best part was where God is speaking at the end. That was then and this is now. So what is the purpose of Job? Job is a good read when you are sick or dying because he goes into great detail about how his body looks and how horrible he feels. You are not alone. Someone else knows just how you feel physically and even asks what you want to ask emotionally. Job is a good read if you are a friend because you know what NOT to say! Just keep your mouth shut! Job is a good read if you are a spouse and you are experiencing the second hand stress of how your spouse is hurting and you don't know what to do. Be the support and don't tell them to curse God and die. Job is not a book that stands alone. There are other passages that help us in our pain. We are richer for what Job went through but I still have questions .... which is good because my learning isn't done.

Job's misery was not due to sin. Job didn't cause his loss of family or health. You could say it was satan's doing but the real truth is that God allowed this because He knew Job and knew Job would come through this without cursing Him. So why was Job wrong? Job got a real lecture from God in the end. Yes, some of it went to his friends but God really got in Job's face. Wasn't Job just asking why (I know asking why is a huge no-no) and want to hear God? Job was simply tired of hearing silence from the God he worshipped and loved. Aren't we to make our requests to God? Doesn't David ask God in his psalms? I may still struggle with this I still hold to NOT asking why and to always sing above the storm. Praise is beautiful and God inhabits the Praise of His people. I am must trust and obey for there is no other way ...

So back to mercy... there will always be questions .... but it is a waste of time to keep harping on them. It is much better to be still, talk back God's Word for our hearts, and to sing above the storm. The battle is the Lord's. All we have to do is run our race and at the end God's Loving Arms will greet us and hold us up......

books & plants = {God Hug}

September the 4th was a perfect fall day like the ones you find in early October. The sky was a beautiful cornflower blue with fluffy white clouds that hung low enough that you felt you could actually touch them if you jumped really high. The fields of corn was already turning that dry harvest yellow way too soon from the super hot dry summer. The sun was bright. There was a slight breeze. We were traveling from home to the my college town for a funeral of a woman just eight years older than me. She belongs in my childhood memory. I remember her and her sisters and the farm house they lived in and their black and white bull dogs, Moses and Sarah. It is a good memory. I just learned of her dominion two weeks prior - her husband, her kids. I knew her race was completed and she was in the Arms of Jesus. Her wasting way had turned into a renewed beauty in total reflection of her Creator. Yet the tears were on the edges of this day. My heart was going out to the family.

I feel that a believer's funeral should be a celebration. That is what they are doing on the other side of the river! However our joy is laced with a bit of sorrow. It was a the church's gym to handle the size. The local football team showed up in their football jerseys and black dress pants to support her youngest son who is a senior at the local high school. The back wall was covered with colorful homemade cards made from her students. The kids spoke about their dear mother and about the things they would miss. There were other choice speakers who colored in her life and gave you snap shots of her journey. I began to see her as someone who didn't want the limelight and also knew how to make others feel comfortable. I saw that our lives could have been parallel but I found my life pretty lacking. I'm not the teacher I should have been. I'm not married like I would have wanted. I have no hubby or kids so my life doesn't revolve around anyone but myself. I know I should not have even compared my life to hers but I have an earth ending here and will have to be accountable to my life. I came away a bit crushed.

With my afternoon I went off to my favorite haunt the local thrift shop. I found two books that were on my want list and I was excited because it was so unexpected. Then I went to a home store to look for a string of pearls plant. I had checked back in the spring and I really didn't think I would find it. After looking and looking all over the succulent selection, I found a very tiny plant of peas. So I scooped it up with her sister string of bananas. However, string of pearls really had no root system and the dirt was bad dirt because it would get this white mold or film on the top when you watered. Well, it died and I got my money back. The string of bananas are doing great!!!! At the end of the day, I felt God was saying 'hey, you are still loved. You want to do and be better. Go for it but I love you."

Wow. My Heavenly Father knows just what I need and I didn't even ask. I was just crushed and He was there to heal. Now I can look at my life and see what I need to do without comparing. I have a story and yes, it needs some revision. I can get crack'en

It has been a while since I have blogged and I really wanted to get this out before I ventured elsewhere. I didn't want to over look His simple presence. It might seem silly that books and plants would speak but how often do we go about our business without listening ....

green peas & green bananas ...

Remember me sharing my frustration that my philodendron given my grandparents now gone being stolen from where it rested in front of my door for about 10 years now? This plant is a plant that schooled me on what it needed and when. It drupes when it needs water. It allowed me to cut it and even get starts from the cuttings. I have the baby at work but I wanted a plant at home. Instead of using a cutting from the baby, I got one at the supermarket. Some reason the leaves are turning yellow and I have NOT over watered. In fact I probably have under watered. There isn't much plant to begin with and I am down to 2 yellowing leaves and one that probably will turn yellow on me tomorrow. I watered it and put it closer to the sun. I just might end up with a naked plant!!!!

So what do I do today? I went over to Lowe's to see if they had "string of pearls". I looked earlier in the season and was disappointed. Today I was looking and looking. A store employee asked is he could help and he was quiet like he was thinking and I misread him. I went on to describe the plant. He was kind and new what I was talking about. He did go back to the greenhouse to see if he had one back there. I continued to look at all the different succulents that they did have. Guess what? I happened to spy a "string of pearls" sitting right up front! It was the only one and very few 'peas' but no matter! I want. I got! The man came back stating they had no "string of pearls" but they had a lot of the 'string of bananas". I asked him if that was what the other plants were called. Yup. He continued to stand there as I continued to look..... then he moseyed on off. I was unsure of of his presence after I paid and took my two plants to my jeep, I hoped that I didn't offend his intelligence when I was describing what I was looking for. My heart felt like skipping in a little jig but I controlled myself as I didn't want to dump the dirt. Ok, I will be truthful, I didn't want to embarrass myself. Thinking back now, I should pulled on my dancing shoes anyway!

I remember in my childhood that my Mom had a "string of pearls" plant. It looks like peas and I loved it. Funny, how growing up brings out the nostalgia! So I brought home a bit of old and a bit of new. I made new homes for them. The bananas had a lot of roots and is 'stringing' over the side of the pot. The peas really had no roots and seem to just sit together on the top of the soil. I am worried they won't grow and thrive in my home. The peas are verrrrrry green and the bananas are a lesser green. Sooooo maybe these sisters are less alike than like.

I am being adventurous with my green thumb skills. Philodendron, ivy, bamboo, string of pearls, and string of bananas fill my houseplant family to the brim ..... oh, I do have two plants in a pot out on my doorstep that I don't know the names of but they are looking beautiful after loosing leaves during the winter. I highly doubt my that I have skills with plants. They are more like teaching me what they like or dislike. Now all I have to do is listen!!!!

My Savior 1st of All ...

Psalm 17:15
As for me,
I will behold Thy Face in Righteousness:
I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with Thy Likeness.

My Savior First of All
When my lifework is ended, and I cross the swelling tide,
When the bright and glorious morning I shall see;
I shall know my Redeemer when I reach the other side,
And His smile will be the first to welcome me.

Refrain:
I shall know Him, I shall know Him,
And redeemed by His side I shall stand,
I shall know Him, I shall know Him,
By the print of the nails in His hand.

Oh, the soul-thrilling rapture when I view His blessed face,
And the luster of His kindly beaming eye;
How my full heart will praise Him for the mercy, love and grace,
That prepare for me a mansion in the sky.

Oh, the dear ones in glory, how they beckon me to come,
And our parting at the river I recall;
To the sweet vales of Eden they will sing my welcome home;
But I long to meet my Savior first of all.

Through the gates to the city in a robe of spotless white,
He will lead me where no tears will ever fall;
In the glad song of ages I shall mingle with delight;
But I long to meet my Savior first of all.
~ Francis J Crosby 1894

pain for Eternal Glory...

Cathy has her Day of Rejoicing starting at 11PM last night. She finished her race. Now her faith has become sight as she beholds her Lord, Master, Creator, King, & fellow sufferer. She can touch His Scars. Her eyes will reflect back into His the acknowledgment of mystifying pain and the transforming it can do. She will know full well that death has no victory and neither does cancer!

We who are left behind must hold to our faith and faint not. We have a race to run.

"... we know that the One who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead
will also raise us with Jesus & present us with you in His Presence.
All this is for your benefit,
so that the Grace that is reaching more & more people
may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Therefore we do not lose heart.
Though outwardly we are wasting away,
yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
For our light & momentary troubles
are achieving for us an Eternal Glory
that far outweighs them all.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen.
For what is seen is temporary,
but what is unseen is Eternal. "
~ II Cor 4: 13-18

for God so loved you ...

Dear Niece,

Guess what my dear? I have begun to read your Twilight books with the last one to go. Oh, there is a lot to chatter about!!

I get it. There is an intrigue. Something that grabs you & holds you. It has got to be the love Bella intensely feels. It is young & dangerous. It is old & wise. It is protective & fierce. It is also very illusive in human form.

I have been on the search of love. Sure, there is no ring on the finger or signatures on a contract but I have found love. It is God-Love. It is Joy. It is peace. It is comfort. It is dangerous. It is wise. It is protective. It is fierce. It is transcendent. It allows you to sing over the storms. It is hearing God singing songs of deliverance over you. It is a mysterious adventure. You must hang on!

Holding the Almighty's Hand allows your heart to overflow with God-Love. This love floats around your family & friends like a cool spring breeze fragrant with new floral scent. This love radiates from your eyes & your smile that strangers & acquaintances are surprisingly happy to catch. This love allows you to love the man of your dreams even when your prince charming is a bit froggy!

I have a book for you! The author has saturated her writings from God's Love Letter, the Bible. "Come Away My Beloved" by Frances J Roberts is very intimate & very real. For God so loved you! Grab this & let if overflow your heart.

always,
keeper

Before you freak out about me reading the Twilight books, if I had my way I would not. When your children or the children you love read these books, I think you must. Who better than me? I am an English Teacher at heart and I love getting deep with books. I also get deep with God so I can take this on only through Him.

I am very concerned about her reading these books. There are some things that I am totally shocked that an author of teenage books would put in there when we are trying to teach our teens what is socially correct or dangerous. That is one negative and the other which is no surprise is how the author makes monsters normal and ok. In fact these monsters are really demons, don't you think?

I want to know what she is thinking but I don't want to turn her off. I want to ask innocent questions and really get her to think. I am praying about this. I hope to but she is always busy in sports and rarely comes to family get-togethers.... {heavy sigh}

a day of rejoicing is coming ...

I walked into the hospital room knowing that she was nearing this life's finish line. The cancer was too beastly and too fast. She did open her eyes and spoke in very soft tones. She asked for water and I offer it to her but in the middle of her very slow first sip, her eyes closed like she dozed off. She is in a lot of pain and is on some heavy pain meds. I did hold her hand before the nurse came in to change the clear bags hanging beside her. Her husband encouraged me to talk to her but I found myself falling silent.

The woman in this bed is about 8 years older than me. She is in my childhood memories. I remember her and her sisters baby-sitting me and my brother. They had two cute black and white bull dogs called Moses and Sarah. They lived on a farm and I loved their farm house. I haven't seen her sense. My mom works at the hospital on a floor where a lot of cancer patients go when they are having a major battle with cancer and need hospital care. I happened to call mom about a birthday matter coming up and she said our family friend was back in the hospital and it was not good. I told mom I would come up.

I am sensitive and I try to put my feet in other's shoes. I knew her kids where teenagers and I can help but wonder how these kids were going to cope in the days and years ahead. This beautiful woman has a beautiful husband who talked to me so I began to ask him questions learning more about his family and even finding common bonds like going to the same college. The youngest son was playing football that night. The middle son is marrying and coming home from Chicago this month. The oldest has graduated from college and as a teaching job. She hasn't found love in college and there isn't even a boyfriend. I told her father that it was ok and he said yeah, that you might as well wait until the ONE comes and you just know. I nodded my head in agreement. .... I could now walk out of this room carrying them in my prayers and go to the mats do some major wrestling with the Lord for them.

Earlier in the day I sneaked some time to search for so balm and just happened to read Psalms 8 where it says, where it says 'what is man that you are mindful of him? and where God has made man a little lower than angels and that He gave man dominion over the works of His Hands.' This might be weird that it brought me comfort but I couldn't help but think of all the things God has given us in this life that is like a flower that flourish and passes away. This life is soooooo fragile and the gifts are soooo wonderful. Her gifts? Finding love, marrying a neat guy, having kids .... she probably has a lot more on her list...

A question sent me to wondering ... A mother with early adult children is dying. I am sure she has lots she wants to tell them. Being a daughter myself I cannot dare to go to a time where I don't have my mother to rely on.... I did have a comforting thought... The Word of God has helped me greatly and I am sure for this mother as well. She can rest assured that His Word can guide her children especially because she loved it, they will want to get closer to her by reading It and finding answers needed in today's questions and tests. I love this thought and can let out a comforted sigh...

I told mom that her hubby really loved her and you want to know how I could tell in a short amount of time? He said that finding the love of his life was the best gift Grace College have him. He also asked to hold her hand and said thank you even though it looked like she was sleeping. He has been trying hard to get her home so they can have a bedside wedding of their son today because they are unsure of how long she will be able to hold on and the wedding is schedule at the end of the month. Besides she just wants to go home to die. I don't know how this man is holding on. He did not show any tears but there was a softness around his edges and I am sure that he is putting on his strong face.

I cannot say that she lost her battle with cancer rather she is just finishing this earthy race. She is laying down this earthly mantel to put on her heavenly one called Eternal Life. She is trading in the pain and limitations to walk upright into her Heavenly Father Arms. Her own mother and father are waiting in the wings ready to welcome her home. She will truly understand that death has lost its sting where her loved ones just don't quite understand because it is so raw and painful now. All we can do is 'walk by faith not by sight.' A chorus came to my mind as I was walking and doing some heavy thinking. It brought Joy ... even in this bittersweet time. '... when we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory!'


♩♬♪♫
Sing the wondrous love of Jesus,
Sing His mercy and His grace.
In the mansions bright and blessèd
He’ll prepare for us a place.

Refrain

When we all get to Heaven,
What a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus,
We’ll sing and shout the victory!

While we walk the pilgrim pathway,
Clouds will overspread the sky;
But when traveling days are over,
Not a shadow, not a sigh.

Refrain

Let us then be true and faithful,
Trusting, serving every day;
Just one glimpse of Him in glory
Will the toils of life repay.

Refrain

Onward to the prize before us!
Soon His beauty we’ll behold;
Soon the pearly gates will open;
We shall tread the streets of gold.

Refrain♪

Words: Eliza E. Hewitt

a new church ...

If you have been reading here, you might have noticed that I have been quite unhappy with the church the family has been going too. I am happy to say that we have been checking into a local Baptist church for about a month now and last Sunday my parents said good bye to the Sunday School class my Dad has been teaching at the old place.

You can't believe how much happier we all are ... all because God's Word is preached from the pulpit!

I personally have not been satisfied with the old place for a very long time. I felt that the pastor was a false prophet and only used God's Word for his own message. I mistrust this man when he came and felt I had more knowledge of the Word than he did. It didn't help that he was about 2 years older than me. He has mistreated my little brother and my father and you just don't do that to my boys. I know my Dad really cared about the pastor like Paul for Timothy. I don't know how much damage this man did to my Dad but I think I already see the burden has vanished from my Dad's shoulders. I just feel that the time has come to brush off the sand from your sandals and get on without looking back.

I have fallen hard for nothing but the Word of God. I have got to keep from wasting any time on stuff that is not a Sure Foundation. I am shouting for Joy that I am back in a conservative Baptist church. I will continue to feast on BBNRadio.org for great food but now I can get fed on Sundays too!

Matthew 13:45-46
“Again, the kingdom of heaven
is like a merchant looking for fine pearls.
When he found one of great value,
he went away and sold everything he had
and bought it."

good fig exiled in Babylon ...

I have a story from the Old Testament that I must tell you as it has given me great hope for my own plight. This story begins with a dream. A dream given to Jeremiah by the Almighty to give hope, encouragement, and an assignment to the exiles in Babylon. Two baskets of figs placed in front of the temple of the Lord where shown to Jeremiah. One basket had verrrrrry gooooood figs, like those ripen early; the other basket had very bad figs, so bad they could not be eaten. Then God asked Jeremiah what he saw. It was God wanted the vision spoken aloud. Then the Lord explained the dream.

"Like these good figs, I regard as the good the exiles from Judah, whom I sent away from this place to the land of the Babylonians. My Eye will watch over them for their good, and I will bring them back to this land. I will build them up and not tear them down; I will plant them and not uproot them. I will give them a heart to know Me, that I am the Lord. They will be My people, and I will be their God, for they will return to Me with all their heart.

But like the bad figs, which are so bad they cannot be eaten so will I deal with Zedekiah king of Judah, his officials and the survivors from Jerusalem, whether they remain in this land or live in Egypt. I will make them abhorrent and an offense to all the kingdoms of the earth, a reproach and a byword, an object of ridicule and cursing, wherever I banish them. I will send the sword, famine, and plague against them until they are destroyed from the land I gave them and their fathers."

Then God had Jeremiah write out His letter for the surviving elders, priests, and prophets among the exiles in Babylon to read to them. Before the letter is read there is a listing of who the exiles where. What came to my eyes? The craftsmen and artisans. Now these are my kind of people. I then knew this story was for me. I must get back to what was in the letter...

To My exiles in Babylon,
Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.

Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. They are prophesying lies to you in My Name. I have not sent them.

When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill My Gracious Promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places I have banished you and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.

always your Heavenly Father

Wow! All this can be read for yourself in Jeremiah 24:1-10 and Jeremiah 29:1-23. I had to reread several times because I felt this dream was just for me. I am a craftsman and artisan. I find great joy spending time painting, looming, crocheting, cross stitching, ink stamping and paper punching. I find even more fulfillment if I can use what I do with my hands to encourage another. But I am EXILED, exiled in Babylon. I am working in cost accounting for a boss who has fits of huffing. I did not want this job but this job is of God. I am not left abandoned. I have instructions to carry out. I am to build, settle down (not complain), plant, eat from the produce, increase not decrease (increase the joy not the grief), seek peace and prosperity of the company so that I too will prosper, and close my ears to anyone who says things that are not of God (other dissenters and ill seekers). In due time my Heavenly Father will bring me back home where I live out my passion in fullness.

What is interesting is that this story is hidden behind the great verse of Jeremiah 29:11. You just can't have the great verse without the story. It makes the verse deeper and richer and makes the story real because you know it in your life. I vow never to forget this story. I wrote it down here and am trying my hand at a poem. I am going to tell this story to anyone and everyone who will hear....

a little one on the way ...

...rrrrrring.....rrrrrrrring.....rrrrrrring....

me: "Hello?"

3yo niece: "Mommy has a baby in her tummy."

Mom comes on after the little niece got tired of talking. She told me that the little niece came in the door telling her that Mommy has a baby in her tummy and Mom says "is she serious?" Niece's mom had a huge grin on her face. My mom has been waiting for this to happen for a while now. Mom is hoping for a boy to round out the little family. I don't know .... wondering if it will be a girl ... but then again a boy would carry on our name.

Mom said that before my little bro and his wife dropped off the niece that they went to their first doctor's appointment and that the niece got to hear the heart beat!! She said the baby is due March the 16th. I informed Mom that they have known for a month and half. She was a bit surprised that the little bro could keep a secret so long.

Mom called me on my google voice and did I even think to record it so that I could share my niece here for you? Nope. I shall she her on Sunday so I just might have to record her talking about the baby. I have a few ideas to keep this memento.... check back!

Charlie St. Cloud

This movie rates up as a 10 for me! The sky scapes and water scenes took my breath away. Then the topper was the story. This movie will complete my personal trilogy. See, I am a keeper, a keeper of things that are important to me. I hold on and probably to long. I never have wanted to be one who didn't say everything to someone I loved. No regrets! I think this need to hold on comes from a childhood where I never had that storybook friend like in 'Anne of Green Gables'.

'It's a Wonderful Life' begins my trilogy. It gave me value when I felt like a very small worthless college freshman. 'Remember Me' comes next with its gritty and violent portrayal of how we mess up after the lost of losing someone and forget to love and live. 'Charlie St. Cloud' is a beautiful story rounding out my personal trilogy with Charlie finding out that he has a reason to live his life without his foot in death. There is a twist so I would love to see it again for that second time and hey, how about a third time for just the viewing pleasure!

I started to read the book but saw the movie before I finished. I waited to write a review until the last pages where read. The book started out with beautiful flowing language. Even though there where God references throughout the book, God's Name was taken in vain so much so that I lost respect of the book. The movie did stray from the book but it condensed it right down to its very essence like taking one bite of just right richness of dark chocolate with a good balance of sweetness that it you were satisfied. The movie rocked and the book flopped!

In the book Charlie is 28 and Tess is somewhere around 25. The story begins with Charlie at 15 (yes, driving illegally) and Sam, his little brother is 3 years younger. In the movie Charlie is 17 at graduation and after the accident that summer you see Charlie five years later. The author didn't picture Zac Efron doing the movie partly because he thought the character as older. The author did get to meet Zac and changed his mind. I think Zac is a great choice. This is my first time seeing Zac in a movie. He did a superb job with pulling off the manly gentleness of this character which is a huge draw for me.

A silent but loud character that really took the movie was the sky and sea scapes. The sunsets where golden and breathless and the ocean bi-polar tendencies of smooth and wild just took my 'eyes' away! I am sooo visual that it made me so satisfied and hungry to see it again and again!

author thoughts:
I have this theory that a movie should follow the book. I totally flipped out over The Last Song (part 2 of 'The Last Song'). The book was sooooo good and deep and the movie messed it up. However, this time I favored the movie. I just don't get it. I am an author-wannabe and I see writing as birthing. A good author picks just the right words, the perfect scenes, and quality characters. So why would you be ok with a director taking liberties with your baby? I also see my story like a director with a movie. So why would a screen writer have to change it for the movie? I suppose I will battle this thought a lifetime!

fyi:
This is a good chick flick. Not sure what the guys would make of it.

There is sex before marriage. Yes, you can still design a movie without it even this one. Especially if you are talented.

the glut of birthday parties ...

Ok, be patient with me. It is a personal musing and wonderment about birthday parties...

I had an alone childhood where books and my bike kept me company. I have a picture of a birthday party of mine where I sat with a neighbor boy smiling with my birthday cake made by my grandmother. I think that is the only birthday party that I had where someone outside my family was there. There was no grand hoopla at my 16th even though I stupidly wished for some grand jester. As an adult I do not expect huge tidings of birthday wishes granted from friends or even the outside world. Sometimes it is even hard to get a small gesture from the bros but mama knows she must celebrate with me or I am devastated. So I do know the power of a birthday and the value it gives you when someone goes out of their way to grant birthday wishes.

I am noticing that a great deal put into birthday parties for the young these days. The internet is laced with oodles of themed birthday parties. Gone is the simple gathering of cake and ice cream and in is the grandiose themes. I am visual and I must admit that I visit daily a wedding and party blog to enjoy the many different ideas that help me be creative in my own life. It is fun and mystical. I feel that party feeds our need for adventure and celebration and creating but I think birthday parties in particular should not be sooo grand. I could be all wet, too.

I went to my nieces 3rd birthday and her parents invited over all her friends (aka kids). There where lots of presents and when the presents were opened it was like watching vultures waiting to feed on the overkill. Yes, I made my gifts and even dolled up the bag. I suppose that fed into my disgust of where the focus was. These kids weren't die hard friends. The little niece probably won't remember them as life picks up. There was so many gifts and the misbehaving vultures ... it was all toooo much. But all the young parents these days are doing these big parties and argh, I am glad that I am not a parent.

I love parties. However, for my kids I would want a more personal more family oriented birthday party. If I was to throw a kid party, I would have a summer party where no one kid got a ton of gifts over another. That way I could make sure each kid had fun and my child won't be getting all these 'toys' that they really don't need. Plus, where do you put all these gifts????

I know I am more of an introvert and covet one on one time with those I love. Big parties and tons of people make a wallflower out of me but I love the detail and fun and the hugeness of it. I love planning parties and I love attending but give me a personal birthday party any day! Shouldn't birthday parties be more cozy and personal?

wall paint ...

She loves my painting and makes requests of my work more than any other. My template is glass and dish work and any other non porous material. The paint is an acrylic glass paint that you bake to make it stick. I do venture off road a bit but not a lot because I don't want to invest in all the different forms of acrylic paint, brushes etc. I want to keep it simple.

She has a beautiful daughter full of golden brown ringlets that look all natural. Her cute daughter is turning 3 on August 3rd and for the birthday it is a 'big girl' room which the little one will not be allowed to see until Tuesday. How fun is that?! The walls are yellow on top with white panelling on the bottom. So in the corner the request is for a vine with flowers and also some by the door.

Yes, I was nervous and still nervous. She provided the bright colored wall paint and a huge dose of confidence in me. I had about couple hours in the house alone with Tyler their dog who is darling with his sad eyes and quiet stealth like moves. Up went the green vine and that was scary but I thought that any little smudge could be fixed. Then the leaves took shape. Then I tried my hand at the flowers. Whew, I just could not get the hang of the paint. The edges where rough and not taking the paint! I kept at it and broke the motto of stopping before I made a mess of it. I never used water before to control the paint. There is such a fine line when it comes to water. It helps to apply it smoothly to the wall but too much and it muddies up. Plus, I felt like I was running out of time. The hubs was to come home but I really didn't know when. I work best alone. I was getting hot and flustered.

I am home now and more nervous than before! I hope she loves it. Just don't get to close and you will see all my mistakes. I just need to let it be like my motto of stopping before I make a mess of it!!!! So I suppose it is time to close and get on with painting on white 'dream' letters so I can give them to her tomorrow.... Argh, still nervous!

UPDATE:
She called soon after I posted this entry and she ..... uh ....
loved it! Whew! She always makes me feel so good about my painting. She asked if I would do it again ... I said yes.

Paint has a personality as well as what you are painting. An artist has to artistic talent but also has to know how to marry the paint with the object. So this dabbler is still in the learning process but guess what my favorite thing to do is? LEARN!!!! woohooo!!!

a high vs the everyday ...

At the monthly Bible study I started to attend, I made an observation that bothered me greatly. I got the sense that some feel the need to have an experience with God like having a high. This drives me crazy! I do not want a 'Jesus-high'. I need Him too much in my every day. In fact He promised He would never leave me nor forsake me. I am holding Him to that.

I want Him when I am in tears over a stupid job and when I have to serve with gladness with respectful obedience to a boss who I will never make happy. If I couldn't have Jesus with me when I go to work ... well, it just wouldn't be good. I want Him in the every day moments when my brain is thinking out processes so I can talk to Him and ask questions. He has always been patient and has opened my eyes to things that only He could reveal. He showed me how to crochet because I would kept trying and would get upset and throw it down. I search and He reveals. He knows the Mysteries and will reveal when the time is right. There are a lot of everyday things I involve Him in and I have to credit all of the dot connecting to His quiet directions.

I want Him when I look out into the evening sky and see a rosie golden sky scape as the sun pulls the covers over her head and I whisper in my head the awe of His Master work. Lately His sky has been so vocal with the heat and storms that even when I fear there is much awe in the power and beauty of it all. He has little old me written in His Hands so how can He forget me? How could I ever think of only experiencing Him in some kind of magical high?

I don't want to ever think that I want to escape it all and have some mystical magic high moment with Him. Yes, there are moments when we are to run to the Fortress that is higher than I. Think about it those 'to the Fortress I run' times aren't highs but troubles. Check out Psalms 18. There is no high rather it is God working out the issues that plague me. He is in the trenches with me quivering under His Wing. I am the watcher and my heart stills it frantic beat as I watch His expert Arm defending and protecting His little one. He is right there. Always. This isn't a high but plain old everyday. I like it like that. Isn't God Awesome in His Ways and His Understandings that is greater than little I?

My life isn't made up of all trouble. There are a lot of good times too. I don't think of them as highs because most are simple things yet profound when I think deeper to His under-workings. Especially when I am troubled and dwelling in the muck, I start to pull my vision away to Him by simply telling Him what I am grateful. I love bed covers even in summer heat. I love paper & ink. I love blue and how it makes me feel. I love the bashful bold purple that feels like royalty and still has a simple gracefulness to it. I like the warm sunshine and the cooling rain in the summer. I like the bright snow and the delicate snowflake in the winter. I pick out everyday things and put them in the light and thank my Master for them right there in the moment. Wouldn't you forget all the wonderful things to thank Him for if you waited to steal away to some magical high? Wouldn't you be caught up in the moment and nothing?

I love to have the Bible near. When my life is out of whack, my only true and solid answer comes from His Word. I must make this everyday. It is a conversation and for too long it has been one sided. I want Him to do the talking too. I am tired of my voice piercing the airwaves. I must hear His Voice many times a day. Haven't you ever missed a lover's voice? Interesting that often we claim that God is silent. What a lie! His letter has 66 books filled with His Voice!

NOOOOOO high for me. I want Him everyday in the midst of my simple everyday life. I take Him at His Promise of never leaving me nor forsaking me. I have a big shoes to fill. I love Him right? He is in my everyday right? Am I dwelling in Him every moment of my day???????

a watermelon tale ...

I do not like watermelons as they are a bit too watery and doesn't have the density as their sisters, the musk melons. But having 36 food allergies, I no longer avoid this melon but I do not seek it out. My parents had a watermelon and received another one. For fear of not getting them eaten, I got the half of the old watermelon.

I finally got around to peeking under the tinfoil and used my lonely ice cream scope to take out some for a dessert. The watermelon is sweet but I could tell by the outer part that it wasn't liking the frig too much and I had better find ways to devour. I made watermelon jello last week and found it a bit bitter. I don't think it liked being pair with frozen berries or maybe it was the pineapple. Then I noticed something. I made jelly bean ice cubes to put in my two water bottles for my day with a friend on Monday because the heat index was very high like the typical days this summer. To my horror my water tasted like watermelon perfume. I wasn't happy. Here this huge half watermelon wasn't taking up a lot of space on the bottom of my frig but it was taking up air space in the freezer as well.

Last night I decided that I must get rid of this watermelon once and for all. I took out all the seeds and took it for a spin in the blender. Then I made a second batch of watermelon using grape juice and applesauce. The results were better and not bitter. I like the soft pink red hue it has. I hope this is the last of the watermelon for the year!

working for a 'huffer'

To serve with gladness has been taking a lot of trying to stand down & re-coat my back for extra ease of letting things roll off. I just cannot work in a constant state of trembling and huffing. If I wanted to work in such a place than I would be a police girl in a riot.

I had to take this job because it was offer from the same company that let me go from AP when the economy down turned. I didn't want this job but felt that God had something to this. I really want to be creative instead of being a bean counter and mastering excel sheets. I cried out to God last night on my way home and I promised that I would not think about w@(& during MY weekend.

Last week God brought me a rainbow to take the bend out of my back, this week it is a new favorite book that I happened to get on Monday when I took a day off to visit with a friend who is back from Germany. (this day off made me work 40hrs in 4 days to try to keep the boss happy with no luck.) The book is "Come Away My Beloved" by Frances J. Roberts. It is written as God talking to you. I am eating it up!

This is what I am dwelling on today:
Safety in God's Will
My Will is not a place, but a condition. Do not ask Me WHERE or WHEN, but ask Me HOW. You will discover blessing in every place, and any place, if thy spirit is in tune with Me. No place nor time is more hallow than another when ye are truly in love with Me.

I direct every motion in thy life, as the ocean bears a ship. Your will and intelligence may be at the helm, but divine providence and sovereignty are stronger forces. Ye can trust Me, knowing that any pressure that I bring to bear upon thy life is initiated by My Love, and I will not do this except as ye are willing and desire.

Many a ship has sailed from port to port with no interference by Me, because Strong Will has been at the wheel. Multitudes of pleasure cruises go merrily in their ways, untouched by the Power of My Hand.

But ye have put thy life into My Keeping, and because ye are depending on Me for guidance and direction, I shall give it. Move on steadily, and know that the waters that carry thee are the waters of My Love and My Kindness, and I shall keep thee on the right course.

Wow! I have found a new favorite book and author and want to get all of her books. What a blessing to dear broken and weary heart.

treasuring up wrath or Joy ...

I love contrasts because it gives depth. Contrasts moves an issue from 2D to 3D. For me the back of my neck bristles with excitement when contrasts present itself. I become spellbound. Well, I have to share my latest find!

It is about treasuring.

Romans 2:5
But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed.

vs.

Matthew 6:19-21
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

The skinny: What your treasure?
stubbornness, unrepentant heart, wrath or love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

Just a little something to get into ....