We are loving the new church because it is a Bible believing church. It is amazing to be so happy every Sunday! It isn't just me, I can feel it coming from Mom & Dad too. We have been going since July and Dad is already wanting to join. So reading over the application and requirements, I got really upset to tears....
What was my Spiritual Gift? I was in a panic! Here I know myself forward, backwards, inside out, top to bottom and I don't know what part of the body of Christ I am? Not only was there panic but there was anger. The reason I know soooo much about myself that it is scary is because I am soooo quiet. Now being a QUIET means that something is wrong with you. So ever since junior high I have been trying to FIX myself. I thought cheerleading would make me louder. Well, I am glad I never got the nerve to try that. I tried out for a college play because I was in a play in junior high and maybe I could do it again. What did they ask of me? Yell so they can here in the back of the little theater. Well, I did. Surprised them but I didn't get the part. After college I poured over every reasonable self help book on marriage, personalities, etc. Since 2003 God broke me of the habit of self help and showed me God-Help. Through all my searching, I have stirred up quite a bit of heat over feeling inferior or the need to change my quiet ways.
Well, I was livid with hot tears pouring out my eyes. Once again here I was crying before bed. I did not want my spiritual gift to be nursery duty or Sunday school teaching. I made a hysterical txt to my little bro. "Your gift is encouragement. See if they have a card ministry. Your cards are great." I wanted to dance on my chair but I was at work and you know, quiet is my normal. I made a call to Mom later in the week and she came through with "God created you quiet. They cannot go against the Creator." This registered Eric Liddell's famous line "God made me fast" Again I wanted to dance on my desk this time but I was at work and you know, quiet is my normal.
So I am dragging out my very big soap box here on llj and lugging out the mammoth speakers turning the volume to deafening.
God made me quiet. God made me creative. God made me word smart and picture smart. God gave me the love language of words just like King David! God made me sensitive. God gave me an insatiable desire to learn. God made me a great listener. God made me interested in others. God made me a great wing-man. God made me an encourager. God also gave me fire. Don't dare to change that quiet in me. Nothing is wrong with me. God made me quiet.
Well, it looks like this is a place to take a breath and pause. I am not done. Surprise, Surprise! Look for another post...
I am a mixed personality but I was so gung-ho on the part I understood and really didn't pay attention to the quieter side until now. God has been stirring up things lately. The 'melancholy' side is curious. More later....
Oh, are you wondering why I got soooo huffy at the beginning of this post? The pastor is a dominant personality. It worries the quiet me. The melancholy side is getting hot and protective. The passive side has had enough after soooo many years of being a wing-man with no returns and a lot of leavers when I did finally spoke up. I am glad the pastor is a strong personality preaching the Word. That is his job. Just wanting others to except my job as a quiet sensitive encourager .... I know a lot of wind without substance. However, I have made my statement now to not backing down... ok more later!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment