weeping for the Ents...

A running nose after a Saturday sun walk in April 09 was the first clue that I just might have another allergy to add to my ever growing list of them. I have been ever on edge this year especially after a headache at Easter. I must have tree allergies so Zyrtex has been a constant companion. How long do trees pollenate? There has been high predictions for tree pollen ever since April. There was a slight down turn this week so I stopped taking the medication.

This has been a really wacky summer. Summer started right after winter, I swear honesty here! I never had a chance to wear my cool spring clothes! And RAIN! It has rained so often here that the grass is emerald green and the river banks are a constant high where we have flash flood warnings every time there is rain forecasted. Then comes the storms. Last Friday night we had a major one! The rain came in pounding the earth so hard that the rain turned into a white haze and my view was just 6 feet out. It was this sick army brown green. The winds wickedly whip around at speeds of 80 mph. It lasted what seemed forever. One good thing about rain is that it does cleanse the air.....

There where trees down where the winds grappled with the weak parts of the tallest and oldest and thickest trees. Mostly it was the little branches everywhere. I guess it was just a prelude to what was to come the following Wednesday...

Rains where predicted to stop by 3PM and they did. The sun came out and I thought I would be spending a night of creating....

8 o'clock comes with darken skies and darken reports of nasty weather coming our way. It was like not again and really? The sky was grey. Yes, grey stormy... maybe though .... The the grey flashed. Here we go. It was not like Friday. It was less and was quick too. But the damage was more. Four tornadoes hit the county and two hit south of my town. It was at F1 levels so the damage was basically huge trees toppled over baring roots. Wild circles in the corn. A barn lifted up and flattened. Nothing like the tornado damage to a neighboring town several years ago in October. It was still hard to go to work seeing such massive trees uprooted. What power! It makes me remember how strong my God is. My eyes welled up with tears....

Came home Thursday night and my nose started to run. The tree pollen count is there but down. So why was my nose just running? I remember someone recently tell me about a woman who was allergic to pine. She didn't know why she was always sickly every December until she released that their live Christmas tree was the causing her physical gloom and doom. So with this 'dot' and connecting it to the buzz of chain saws cutting down trees all over leads me to believe the cause of my runaway nose is the trees again!

{heavy sigh} I hate the smell of hay and fall is my least favorite seasons except the brilliant cornflower blue skies and the golden corn fields because of the hay fever. I don't want to hate spring and summer. Pollen is like dirt but hidden dirt. This causes crazy behavior on my part besides the massive headaches. I become obsessed of the clothes I will wear outside and what clothes I will wear inside and not ever outside. Then there is the problem of my favorite clothes that I just don't wear at all because I don't want the pollen in my house. It is an invisible enemy and ridiculous behavior on my part, I know. Don't roll your eyes ant me and keep your mitts off the phone. Don't call the crazy house or the the straight jacket ... just yet!

I guess what I am saying the long way is that I don't want to hate trees or spring or summer. (Winter has been my favorite season with Spring coming in as a tie position.) Trees are ancient centurions. Always tall, watchful, faithful, lasting, and dependable. There is something serene and thoughtful about trees... Tolkien seemed to feel for trees and I reflect.... I have to romanticize my little issue. I weep for the Ancient Ents.....

happy 5th bday, llj!

Yesterday came & I forgot! My blog had another birthday! 5 years! llj (what I call my blog for short) has been a very good friend over the years. She (I think my blog is a girl) has listen & helped me think out weighty issues. You know she has even gotten frustrated at me for my slow learning process. She never yelled back or vanished for days, weeks, or years even if I have neglected her. {sighs} You know I have become a less angry person because of this blog because I finally found my voice even if there two ears. Ahhhh, five years.... & more to come!

before great men ...

I have this 'gift verse' that I think about when I plan gifts for others. I would like to flip it on you so you can see it in a different way.

"A man's gift makes room for him,
& brings him before great men (kings)."
Prov. 18:16

Have you ever thought about the person you are giving the gift to great or kingly? Have you ever thought that you are coming before royalty with your gift? I've been thinking about it more and more. It is an interesting concept. It could quite change your gift giving.

single period.

I have made a decision that I am going to be happy and content with my God-given gift of singlehood. However, I must warn you that if you ask and tears well up, it does NOT mean that I want you to set me up. What is worse than living a singular life is the dating. I absolutely hate it. I am the most unsure of myself like a new born horse. If I was to get married, it would have been from getting to know someone like from a friendship.

Please do not think you can rescue me. I am a hopeless cause when it comes to human intervention. God knows me and yes, I have to work on my 'comfort' and stability of little 'ol me. Last year I hit a milestone birthday and at Christmas I had to deal with someone who thought they could rescue me sent me into a deep end of emotional stress. I had enough. No more. Now if I can control my welling of my eyes and have the right words. So to the ladies that tried to rescue me today and to anyone else who thinks they are the best at matchmaking, I am not having it and I will become my worse nightmare. I would rather keep that under wraps. Thank you very much! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

feelings vs Holy Spirit ...

God is teaching and I am listening. I don't have it yet. It is like it is a new flower to me never seen before and it is budding. I never really put a placement on my feelings. I feel them. Some come on in a surprise and some are just plain good. In my younger days most were dark and even violent. Yes, this quiet girl could have an inward heat of anger to a raging boil. I may have kept it inside but it was there. I am older and wiser. My feelings are mostly good. Anger isn't a major player. The dark brooding thoughts are sedated my God's Joy. I am in a good place so it is interesting that now is the time God is showing me something **NEW** about feelings. Maybe it is the finishing marks...

I don't know how the full bloom of this lesson flower will turn out, but the little bud has something to do with the choice of letting our feelings rage or forsaking the feelings for the Holy Spirit indwelling. It is an opposite. Do I live in my fleshly feelings or do I let the Holy Spirit take hold of me and produce the fruit of the Spirit in my life? Interesting thought!

Funny - I have a 3x5 white note card from about 5 years ago where I wrote down some scripture on feelings. So maybe I have been wanting God to speak to me on this and now is the time because I am ready to get it!!!! I tingle at the thought!!!! I love the learning but hate the fencing, the tempering ....!

.:3x5 white note card reads:.

Titus 3:2
'to slander no one; to be peaceable;
to be full of courtesy; to walk humbly.'

~walk in the Spirit - not in your emotions & feelings~

Gal 5:16-22
"Be controlled by the Holy Spirit.
The fruit will result in love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, self control."

Col 3:12
"As God chosen people, holy & dearly loved,
clothe yourself w/ compassion, kindness,
humility, gentleness & patience."

the pilot is my dad ...

I heard a story today that I just have to retell if I can.... I think is it is a true story too.

It takes place on a plane. It begins as a gentle clean flight then it becomes turbulent. Some passengers become hysterical while others begin to pray while others are rigid and stiff holding on for dear life. In the midst of the chaos is this little girl who seems so oblivious to the ups and drops of the plane. The plane finally landed and a passenger who was watching the little girl in total amazement asked her why she was so calm. Her response was "the pilot is my dad and he is taking me home."

Isn't that a beautiful response? Isn't this how we believers should feel about our own life journeys no matter how crazy or how hurtful or how lonely or how frustrating or how joyful? We have a Pilot in control and He is flying us Home. How peaceful and calming ......

Wildwood dreams ...

I had a daydream where I was riding a mighty steed in a hard run. The mighty steed's mane and tail whipped wildly in the wind as did my heavy hooded cloak. I am making my way to the Little Church of the Wildwood where I would dine at a banquet feast as well as to lay down my heavy pack upon the Alter of Prayer. Afterwards I am looking forward to a more leisurely ride home. The songbird of Hope would be singing Joyfully within my heart. I would feel a glow...

However, the daydream becomes more sinister as my steed is wildly charging forward in a heavy sweat. I am frantically holding on as well as holding onto the Sword of the Lord. The church isn't like the one of the Wildwood. This one is broken down and is vandalized by man's own message and agenda. A heavy darkness the air and a sticky fog fills the brain. The Word of God is betrayed and deface. It is a war to getting back to our first love...

I weep as I am surface from my daydream.... God's Word is the Truth, the Life, the Way I must hold too. All I need is written in His Book. I never thought I would have to be a crusader of love for His Word to my own people and my own place...

The Church has One Foundation
Long with a scornful wonder,
We saw her sore oppressed
By schisms rent asunder,
By heresies distressed.
Yet saints their watch were keeping
To hail a brighter day,
When God should stop their weeping,
Take their reproach away.

Robin Hood

I would rate Robin Hood a 9.5. It is up there with the likes of Braveheart & The Last of the Mohicans. I love when nobility is for the common man to obtain. I think in all of us there is the urging need to be noble, brave, and kind but our daily lives seem so ordinary, drab, and mundane. In reality there are no castles to defend or dragons to slay.... or are our eyes veiled?

I felt I was in good hands when I went to see this. The director of the Gladiator, Rigley Scott, made this movie. There was a lot of hoopla over how he depicted it but that didn't matter to me before or after seeing the movie. It is a good story. I loved it. Of course, I do fancy a good romance and adventure. The 'knight' gets his girl. Good ol Russell Crowe in his gruff manly way has his kindness. I think we all know the story but I really beamed when you saw Robin out there at night planting the corn! My heart shrieked 'Score'! Can't wait to see Maid Marian's face when she finds out!

Again, I loved the movie. I long for nobility ....

Probably wouldn't let the kiddos see this. There is a lot of fighting even though it wasn't gory. There is a situation where the king of England is in bed and you end up seeing buttocks.... {rolls eyes}

listening to the liar for truth!?

I am not sure how to start. I really need to find a new church. I am frustrated and my parents are frustrated. We have done a bit of church hopping and we highly doubt we will find one. This church isn't as fundamental as the ones I went to as I grew up. I must say that of late the bad theology has kept me on guard. Maybe I need that but I want to be able to go to the Banquet feast and eat wholesome healthy food. No junk or garage please.

I cringed when I saw who was speaking on Sunday. This person is notorious for taking Scripture out of context to push her message. Yes, I said her. I don't care for women preachers. Speakers are a different animal. Why don't I leave? I am single and I am tired of doing everything on my own. Church should be a family thing .... at least. Dad is my covering since I am single but with his comment on Sunday something about not wanting to go to a conservative church.... What? I WANT a conservative church! I want to know that what is coming from the pulpit is Bible based.

Well, I should get to what I need to unload!

She started off saying that God has laid on her heart what she was going to say. As the Sunday sermon was coming to a close she said "The church needs to adapt to the world" in order to win others to Christ. She had a visual where 3 men where on stage, one holding the cross, the next had his hands like folded like the church, and the third holding a globe. They were all lined up. Then she moved the globe up saying that as the world changes the church needs to change so there is a direct line to the cross..... I WAS LIVID! I wanted to jump up and shout and make a royal fuss. I could hardly contain myself. Good thing I am a quiet person!

I have been thinking about this all week almost non-stop. There also have been other life events around here that just have added fuel to my fire. I have come to the conclusion that if I ever have the opportunity for one on one face to face communication where someone says this is what the Lord has laid on my heart or God is in this and I know the Holy Word does NOT say this, I am going to let the hair stand straight on my neck and let my face get red and I am going to point blank say, PROVE IT. Give me at least 3 passages in the Holy Bible that says what you are trying to feed me!

God NEVER shows or speaks to us things that He has not already spelled out in great detail in His Holy Word. Beware least you call Him a liar!

1. Yes, God's Word is for the WHOLE WORLD/ not partial
*John 3:16 *Romans 2:11
Mark 16:15 "He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.
2. God's Word is narrow - no accommodations - no sugar coating.
3. God's Word is a stench & an aroma II Cor 2:14-17
4. Trust & Obey for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus
*Must live by the Sword
5. God's Word & God Himself NEVER changes
6. must live in the world but be ye separate!
7. be Biblically correct not political correct.

God does not reveal one thing to you and say something different in the Word. If so, maybe you what you are listening to is coming from the evil one. Hmmmmm!

Truth vs a fool

God never shows or speaks to us things that He has not spelled out in great detail in His Holy Word. Beware lest you call Him a liar! .... Yeah, I have a bee in my bonnet for sure this time. Of late it feels like I have to be 'the Word defender'. Guess this happens when you soak in His Words. First, you find that you are totally falling in love with God and then you get real touchy when others mess it up.

Twice now I have heard people say this is what God is telling me and then when they share it, I am shocked they can even say it. Example, the pastor said that "the church needs to adapt to the world..." YIKES! PROVE IT!!! GIVE ME AT THE VERY LEAST THREE PASSAGES THAT SAY THAT!!!!! Well, more on this later. I have so much to refute this claim but I have very little time tonight to really exhale! The other example was an excuse to live with a man. Oh, God led us together .... What???????? God ordained marriage not living together!

"The foolishness of a man twists his way,
and his heart frets against the Lord."
~ Proverbs 19:3

"Because, although they knew God,
they did not glorify Him as God,
nor where they thankful,
but became futile in their thoughts,
and their foolish hearts were darkened.
Professing to be wise,
they became fools."
~Romans 1:21-22

Once upon a time I had something real good and I would ask God what I should do in certain situations. But this real good thing is now long gone and I realized to my horror that I was going on what I felt God was telling me and not going straight to the Word to get my answer. Now I am always looking for the answers from His Word. See, feelings are so fickle and people are wishy so-washy. I needed SOLID truth. Something that does not fail or fall apart. I never again want to be insecure. It is like be sea sick on a turbulent ocean that is heaves you this way that that. All you want is to kiss the solid sturdy unshakable ground. I won't go back. It must be solid quality answers and you only get that from God's Holy Word.

10 Sacreds ...

I listen to Ravi on BnnRadio.org on Sundays and he always gets me thinking. He said that when you reading the Ten Commandments that you really should put in the word SACRED. So I tried it and you should to.

Here is my list:
1. God is Sacred.
2. Serving & Loving God is Sacred / Every day with God is Sacred.
3. God's Name is Sacred.
4. the Sabbath is Sacred.
5. Honoring your parents is Sacred.
6. Life is Sacred.
7. Marriage is Sacred.
8. Boundaries are Sacred.
9. Truth is Sacred.
10. Contentment is Sacred.

Your list just might be different than mine but hopefully it just might jar your heart from the numbness everyday life can have on it. I know I am looking at the Ten Commandments differently. They are sweeter and dearer ...

Hallelujah is more ...

I certainly have a bee in my bonnet so I hope that I can focus all my thoughts! I am huge on the meaning of words to the point I have pet words and words that I use only in a certain way. Then add to it that I am huge on the hymns and that this new 'christian' music is basically too much about the 'me' instead of God and too repetitive. Soooooooooo, there was a new song sung at church ... talk about 'heart'burn!

I have no clue what the title was but it probably was 'more than a hallelujah'. The song was about how bring our messes, our pain, and our problems to God was better than a hallelujah. I wanted to scream.

Interesting tidbit was that Pastor Steven Davies that I listen to on BNNRadio.org has been preaching on Revelations. He just happen to break down the meaning of Hallelujah. 'Hallelu' means praise. 'Jah is short for Yahweh / Jehovah. Hallelujah is a word that is pronounced the same way in every language. All this new knowledge as added to my fuel!

See, I noticed several secular songs of late have taken the word Hallelujah and really downgraded it. I have even heard people on tv use it and to me it blaspheming God. Oh, say what is wrong with the song sung in church.... Let's go back to Job. What are his words? "THOUGH HE SLAY ME, YET WILL I HOPE IN HIM" ~ Job 13:15 How can you hope in God without having a little bit of of a song in the recesses of the heart and without praising Him. Go to Hab 3:17-18 "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the field produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, YET I WILL REJOICE IN THE LORD. I WILL BE JOYFUL IN GOD MY SAVIOR." Wow! To be broken apart and a total mess and left up the pieces to God AND praise Him is what it is all about.

Bringing my messes to God canNOT be more than a Hallelujah to Him. I have to do both. There is no halfway about it. If all I am doing is bring my messes to God and forgetting or a better word 'refusing' to bring my Hallelujah, I have not learned anything at all. Let us learn from Job and Habakkuk. It is less of me and more of Him. He is more than worthy of our Hallelujahs even in these earthly messes. Oh, and get this 'PRAISE IS BEAUTIFUL'. Oh! Oh! Oh! I get it like a kid squirming in her chair with arm wildly waving and the tongue razor sharp with the answer!!! Being able to Praise Yahweh is the reflection of my soul meaning my soul is in the right place and is beautiful! I love that!!!

Praise the LORD!
For it is good to sing praises to our God;
For it is pleasant, and praise is beautiful.
~ Psalms 147:1
Hallelujah

Armor of Light

"The night is far spent, the day is at hand:
let us therefore cast off the works of darkness,
and let us put on the armour of light."
I Pet 4:7

Armor of Light got my mind twirling on this! It is like have a super power but in truth it is God-Power. I don't have to let stuff get me in a mental soul shaking bind.

Yesterday I had a headache that was turning quickly into making me sick. Instead of the itchy eyes and running nose my allergies mimic my food allergy headaches. This isn't good when trying to identify where the headache is coming from. Then I am wondering if I should take Zyrtec because my symptoms aren't listed on the box. I think the drainage is backstage and so I take them. I second guessed myself so I did go off yesterday.... Welllllll, back on today.

Anyway a situation came up at work on Mondayand while others are falling apart, I just sort of let roll and not dwell on it. Yesterday it was harder to do because I was in such pain. I had a lowpoint and then moved on. As I traveled home I brought up the Armor of Light with God. I need to remember my 'God-Power' more readily so that the lowpoints never keep me down.

my love story is best!

"The best love story is your own."

I heard this and it stuck with me. At first I argued with it that the Best Love Story Ever was God sending His Beloved Son to die for my sins. Yes, this is true. Yet, as I continued to think about this I know too that my love story is better those I like to listen and see. See I am a big sap when it comes to how you might have met your love. I love to a good love story! Hmmm, nothing compares to my own. But you say that I am single what possible love story do you have?

True on the outside I am the loner (not for the lack of trying to make friends) and a misfit. I do not go with the crowd. I have really big thoughts. I am super tenacious to a fault and can't figure out why others fail to have staying power. Sadly, this has been from when I was a little girl whose only friends where her books and her bike.

Well, through the years Jesus Christ has been my Romancer and Husbandman. He choose me. He is my Alpha and Omega. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He is Faithful and True. He is my Great Shepherd. Psalms 18 is the best part of my love story!

{happy sigh} How my heart glows!

leaning NOT defeated!

betty: "Why didn't you want to tell us that your cancer is back?"

sally: "Well, it felt like I lost and that the cancer won. It doesn't help that I am angry and sad and I don't want people to feel sorry for me. Plus, I am just plain tired. I tired of not feeling good, not being able to work, not being able to be out and about. I am tired of over thinking and wondering how the bills will be paid. I am tired of not having my hair and feeling bloated. I just wanted to conquer this. I wanted to at least make through this first bout free of cancer. It didn't even work!" {sobs}

~~~~~~~~~~

No, this isn't a real conversation but I am trying to get into the skin of a co-worker who didn't want others to know that her cancer is back and back meaner and stronger. As I have gone to the mat to pray, something bubbles up inside my heart whispering that illness of any kind is not a life sentence but rather a journey. Hey, anything in life should be considered a journey. I have to remind myself of this very thing in my own situation where I am not doing my dreams. This too is a journey.

A believer has it going for them because the Almighty God has planned the journey ahead of time just designed for us. He has gone before and goes with us! Whispering "Do NOT fear. Be not discourage!" If only we would listen. Duet 31:8

How do you tell a non-believer of the hope inside? I find it most difficult to encourage a non-believer, because I base everything on the the Word. Maybe again, it just about living out my faith with the God-Given JOY He gives...

I can understand not wanting to tell anyone about the cancer coming back. I know I would feel very defeated. I hope that I would pick myself up and realize that it isn't about losing to cancer. It isn't even about beating it. Rather it is about leaning on the Almighty Arms. It is about Him being my Tour Guide and letting go of all my control. {ok, here it goes...} To for once just enjoy the adventure He for me. I am big on learning and with every journey there are lessons to learn tucked in every corner. Now if I could just remember all of this when I am lying flat on my back wondering what just ran me over!

One thing for sure is that even if she doesn't know that I know, I can pray to the One Who knows all things. Praying trumps cards and well wishes... it even trumps my feeling helpless in figuring out how to encourage her.... it is human nature to reach out... and for now praying is all I can do...

NOT ALONE even in death!

Last week Mom was telling me about a phone call with her sister. The sister was bring up the past and making Mom feel bad for not being there when Grandma died. Grandma L did way back in the early 90's and today is the 2010. My Aunt has been like this all of her life while Mom has been the brunt of her older sister's verbiage.

After the conversation with Mom, I was thinking about it and the story of King David and the lost of his son with Bathsheba that I read two weeks earlier came to mind. Do you remember what he did? When his baby son was struck ill, King David pleaded with God, would not eat, spent nights lying on the ground. However, on the seventh day the son died, David got up and cleaned up and WORSHIPED THE LORD and then ate food. The servants could not understand this. They thought the death would send David over the edge. Get this: David said, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought , 'Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let my child life.' but now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."(II Sam 12:23) Read the whole account in II Sam 11-12:23 & Ps 51.

I found King David's words very comforting to me as I was manning the phone when Grandma was ready to go. I could have made the rushed call telling my parents to get home fast. But in my young adult mind, it takes two hours to get to Grandma from home and my parents were away on a weekend vacation they rarely take. Grandma hadn't been herself for a while. She just was quiet and stared into space. I highly doubted that they would have gotten back in time to see her pass. So this many years later, it was good to read this and share this Mom. We couldn't keep Grandma here nor did we want to. This earth is not our homeland (Hebrews 11:13-16) and why would we want to keep her from going in the Arms of Jesus to her inheritance? Plus, in due time we will be going to her.

I know that some feel the strong need to be there in the final breaths while others do not what to carry this visual in their minds when all they want to remember are the good memories, the life not the end! Some people are blessed to have people surround them in their death while others die alone. Then I had the thought that when you are a believer that you are already walking with the Lord and you are not alone even in death. What a BLESSED thought!

floating in my toy boat ...

I've been in a real funky place. I know who I am and I am ok with with where I am even though it is not the place of my dreams I'm not really sad even though it is ever so close. I'm not angry but frustration is ever near. It is hard to describe because I am for the most part happy.

I just thought of the best picture to describe this muck. Oh yeah, I am still using dial-up because of the cost of DSL and all the other high priced options. However, the speed is sooooooo slow! I have all these tabs open which of course doesn't help but I wait and wait for pages to open up so when one opens I read while I wait for others. I search a lot for my craft and I want to blog and then sites act up... so on and so on.... I don't work with my favorite picture sites because the time it takes is unreal! Now try searching for DSL and it laughable.

This is how I feel in my real life. I have this passionate creative side that is being pulled and slowed down my day job and by feelings of not having enough time to create and take care of my home. My mind thinks and daydreams at work of things to create and make or write about but when I get home the tick of the clock is loud and fast. I know I am doing much more with my time than I did before I learned to crochet but it doesn't smooth over this need for my creative side to shine.

I know it just isn't about my passion but about just little old me. I have these emotions that come from inside. I know this is normal because I am a woman but this isn't that emotion that comes in cycles. This emotion seems to have settle in now that the 40's are here. I'm just NOT having it! However, I know if I power through it than I will be having major issues. So I will not bark up that tree! I would rather get into a toy boat and just float down this patch of river with ease and style. I shall take this as a new adventure!

Last week I was really having a time of the blues. I took Matthew 12:29-30 to prayer. I sent Jesus Christ to answer the front door when the evil one's harsh and persistent knocking was too much for me. I stayed hidden away from view reading the passages of God's great care and design for me. Psalms 139 is a great place to start. I then pulled the covers up over my head and fell asleep instead of crying! Now that was a God-Victory!!!

flower looms ...

I didn’t think I could do it!!! I was fighting the urge to keep instead of the original plan to give away.  I took it this simple desire to God…. I wanted to the right thing…

 

I went to the local thrift shop and I scouted out the craft area looking for flower looms for the girl at work.  I have some modern day flower looms of my own and have dabbled in them and really want to do more on these looms.  I have some patterns for flower looms that I showed crafty girl at work and she fell in love with the idea of making them as hair clips and even for hemp wrist bands that she dabbles in.   She also loves old things and the modern flower looms can be a bit high in price.  So finding flowers looms at the thrift shop would be just perfect.  I didn’t think I would be so fortunate to find them but I would look anyways.  What do I see before my sparking eyes did appear?   Not just one but two different sizes of round flower looms.  One is a double loom which gives you the option of three different sizes of flowers.  Then to top it off with a cherry was the double square flower loom!  She is leaning for the circle loom but one must have a square one too!  The price is the kicker and the reason I had a funny urge to keep these flower looms for myself instead of the original plan to give them to her.  The circle flowers looms were .70 cents.  The square one with other tidbits came to .75 cents.  These cheap prices are unheard of!  Oh dear!

 

I told God about my feelings and asked for help to do the right thing.  I have my own flower looms.  I do not need more but the pennies I paid made the find so much richer for me.  Well, what would I do?

 

I already had a gift of painted glass for her with some odds-and-ins she needed for her craft habit.  I wasn’t going to add the flower looms in that gift until I scouted out what she found in her own search over the weekend.  Well, when she came down to express her thanks for the glass, she brought up the flower looms and I found she hadn’t found anything so enter in me actually showing her what I found.  She was excited and when I heard that little notion of her giving them back, I said oh, that is for you, a gift! 

 

I did it!!!! …. I gave her the flower looms!!!!  It feels good to give and that notion of keeping them will pass.  Now will I keep looking for flower looms in thrift shops and be disappointed….. or maybe I can still be thrilled by it again…. But nothing happens twice the same way….

 

I am very happy though because she is too.

the Last Song ... part two

Well, the movie was NOT as good as the movie. I thought Nicholas Sparks (author) wrote the book/movie together or something but the story line in the movie failed to keep it straight.

The book had stronger and deeper emotions between the father and the daughter which made it pull hard your heartstrings. There was a ton of discord over the piano and the movie never got close to the anger pent up in the daughter. The divorce between the parents was exposed at the end which showed how the father covered for her mother taking all the grief when it was not his fault. Then there is the the friendship between the father and the paster that never made the movie. The Bible reading never made it either.

... I could go on and on...

What frustrates me as a writer-want-a-be and very much a visual learner is why can't movies be more like the books especially with good authors? Movies have a way of touching me that books fail to because I have a hard time imagining yet in a bizarre way, I actually visualize my story or my poem before I can put it to words. It has to go together. To be a good author I would think they are being 'movie directors' with their stories to make a good book. I was not happy about this movie because the book was so much better.

Mom didn't read the book and thought is was good but when she heard me grumble she said she is going to have to read the book....

bummer....

the Last Song ...

I read Nicholas Sparks because he rips out your heart every time but in "The Last Song" he more than rips out your heart. I swear this book made me cry more than all his other books combined. Supposedly, he wrote this book from the movie or at the same time, so I am expecting the movie to follow the book pretty closely. I can't wait to see the baby turtles and the stain glass window!!!!!

For the young girl this is a story about a summer love. For the grown woman it is a story of a girl growing up and her father's love and admiration for her. I believe that a young girl will have to read it again as she journeys into womanhood. It holds a treasure that will take on a different reflection depending on where you are at in your own journey. I am a keeper. I am a sensitive. I treasure moments in my heart. This book challenges you to double check your relationships and not to take any one of them for grant.

A father wants his kids to come down south to his house for the summer. Enters a grumpy girl of 18 who hasn't talked to her father for 3 years and her kid brother who is soooo funny and a bit wise. Dad teaches his son how to make a stained glass window for the church and dad stops playing the piano just to make his daughter happy. But the girl spends a lot of time away. If you know Nicholas Sparks, you pick up on the dark looming on the horizon. Note: Mr. Sparks writes about real life. This will not be wrapped up neatly in a bow and a box. He does leave you with possibles of love continuing... {smiles}

Threaded though out is the father's search of the Presence of God. Nicholas Sparks only touches on faith as a character trait but never fleshes faith out in the fullest. With every book I try to decide what he is up to and sadly, I don't think he fully knows the Salvation and vibrant life in Jesus Christ. This book he was sooooo close and I physically ached for him to get it right. I do appreciate greatly that the father's choice of reading was the Bible. The father notices that his pastor friend always comes back from walking along the beach with a peaceful face like he was in the Presence of God. The father wants this and searches for it and finally realizes it is in every moment.

I feel very strongly that we miss out on so much because we are continually searching for the next big thing in our lives that we miss out on the enjoyment of the moment. We rush and rush and fail to stop and take it in. It is more than just saying thank you but rather it is stopping and celebrating what God has done for you at the moment.

I love my Dad and yet I know there is more I can do with my relationship with him. I already know this and yet this book was poking me in the chest with raised eyebrows and tapping feet..... ok, ok!!!!

Well, talk about father movies out there! You have'Remember Me' and 'The Last Song' that really make you think about fathers and how to be better in your relationships. You can loose them at anytime. Life doesn't let you keep them forever present. Don't go through life on the surface. Breath deep and take it all in width and depth. Don't be afraid of being hurt. Scars are proof of triumph!!!!!!!

twilight ...

The niece has read the Twilight series and I asked some questions but they could have been better questions.  The questions are for me to understand the power these books have over girls and to see the thought process of my niece.  An aunt has the ability to be a Watchman over the kids in a different way than parents.  {I am still learning!}

 

I remember back to my college English professor and a discussion we had over literature and how to deal with our Christian beliefs and values in a secular world.  I do believe I am going to have to break down and read the Twilight series and forget the notion that ‘what you read is what you are’.  (It feels like going grocery shopping and having people make their assumptions by what you buy.)  Argh!

 

The author was having trouble sleeping and had young.  From a dream came this vivid scene, where Edward reveals to Bella his true nature.  It was so powerful that she had to finish the story.  She was obsessed and would be up all hours writing.  It was an escape for her.

 

I can’t help but notice the draw it has on the girls especially.  Just from the first movie, I could feel the draw.  Even if there is nothing dark and evil, it is a good way to talk to my niece about girl boy relationships. 

 

Maybe it is nothing but when the niece said that she often thinks about the story and feels like she is Bella, I believe I need to see if I can dig into my niece’s world a bit to make sure she doesn’t lose sight of the Sure Foundation.  :::Note to self::: Must do it in a real cool aunt kind of way! 

 

 

Remember Me ..

I am going to have to rate this movie a very high 10 even though there is sick violence, sex, bad words, and a very dirty apartment and bathroom. This movie is a very mature movie. Sadly, it is the immature that need this wake up call.

I am a very sensitive person and all my life I have had to deal with not having friends when I was a little girl and then as a teen and an adult, having friends up and leave. This movie dealt very strongly with how we treat people, what we have to offer to others, and then when loss occurs, what happens and what we should do to counter that loss.

The review I had heard about this movie was that it has reference to September 11th and that it was just over the top for the message it was conveying to the point that it was offensive. (wish I could remember the exact words used) This review wasn't adding up to the previews but I was a bit concerned. Well, it wasn't offensive. It was unexpected but being super sensitive about relationships and the loss, the use of 911 was very appropriate. However, I still don't think the message will get through to some if not most.

The movie was very respectful about the 911 scene. You did not see it but you know just what happened. That needs to be commended. Yes, this is a bit dark but in the end the father finally turns around and the son is happy. The lesson is learned and changes are happening.

My mom stayed awake through it because she was in rapt attention. I think her favorite part about the movie was the relationship between the brother and his sister. They are about 6 years apart (reflective of my mom and her brother). Why wouldn't this brother be protective and endearing towards his younger sister after having lost an older brother about 6 years older than him? He had a role model. This young man is a sensitive sort and he is trying to make sense of his loss and acts out because his family especially his father just doesn't seem to get it.

I could go on and on ... I am a thinker and an English Major to boot. I totally dig the deep stuff and I could go round and round pulling juicy gems out and looking at them against the lamp.

I feel strongly that believers will be judged on the relationships kept, discarded, lost, and ignored. I know I have some relationships in my past that I am ashamed of my actions or inaction..... I feel helpless sometimes. I hold on so tightly when I have a real good one .... while at other times I just let them fade ....

{Above his photo is the quote 'Scars are proof of triumph. Let the wounded Jesus Christ bless and heal your wounds.' Now tucked in the lower part of the frame is the movie ticket stub ... Remember me.... does he think of me? Scars still are tender and always will be ...

"Fingers don't fade from the people we touch."
~ Remember Me
-----

Wow! I am really charged by this movie. It feels good to make the decision to not let the bosses bad mood effect me. Life is way to short!

You could watch this movie and see no hope but as a believer I know a Sure Foundation. I know the Way, the Truth, and the Light. It is time to spread it. Hear this hymn on the radio and thought it perfect...

Turn your eyes on Jesus

O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s a light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!

Refrain

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
Over us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conquerors we are!

Refrain

His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

Refrain

left my suitcase in Brizzy...

I learned today that ‘to leave your suitcase Berlin’ is a German expression for having emotional and heart ties to a certain place.  I like this expression for I have left my heart in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia.   No I have never visited the place but I got to know someone from there and if I should be so fortunate to travel Downunder I would have to go to Brisbane.  The tourist haunts would most definitely come second to this town and community.  I want to soak up the ambiance of the place for pieces of my heart are on a different shore …

 

Today blogs help me to do some virtual travel and my suitcase over there gets bigger and bigger!  Funny how Brizzy has become my town in my own crazy way.  Forget the Sydney Harbor for I would rather visit the Finder Keeper Markets, RiverFire fireworks, Ekka … etc.  I would also have to check out every day life and just the every day stores because I want that experience and not just the show you get if you are a tourist.  Silly, I know but I want to visit their Target and their Aldi’s!  Sure I would mind to dip my toe in the ocean there but I did say I wanted an everyday experience didn’t I?

 

{sighs & smiles}

giving up why ...

I have been ignored and deserted.  “The lot is casted into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.” (prov 16:33)  Knowing WHY he left will NOT heal up the wounds I have been carrying because I have left it up to a human.  Only the wounded Jesus Christ will bless and heal up all my wounds.  ‘Scars are the proof of triumph.’ (Pastor Lutzer)  Time to give up knowing why.

give me more beauty!!!

I confess I have a fetish for anything beautiful. I treasure beautiful words and beautiful pictures the most. I am getting real bad about this!

I can't stand the co-workers continual storytelling. Her storytelling is usually about something bad. I can't stand old grumpy people either where everything is bad. I can't stand the continual news drainage on all day and night tv. (my ears had to deal with a grumpy couple and news tv for four hours while waiting for my jeep) I just want to pluck my brains and eardrums out through the nose with a tweezer! I tried to read God's Word but there was sooooo much noise (I can't stand unnecessary noise! never have. never will!) and the wait was soooo long, that it was verrrrrry hard. I even tried to come up with thank You's but that was impossible. It didn't help that I was getting a headache.

It was good to fill my eyes on beautiful pictures in the magazines at the stores. I love the visual feast. The afternoon of shopping gave way for thanking God for some good things for the day.

I have a problem with the negatives. I used to be in that place and don't want to go back. Sometimes it can be a real fight. Now that I am most HA free and have a handle on God's JOY, why waste my time on the negatives? That isn't me anymore. It isn't a habit I will return to but it is more like a food allergy. I know what makes me sick so I avoid it.

love yourself by reading the Word ...

A request came for a painted suggestion box plus an invitation to a Bible study. This invitation came at the right time and I went. I don't ever think I will find a church in today's climate. Maybe unconventional is more my style. I am shy but I just did this without thinking so as to not over think! When I walked in I felt like I was the odd person out like always but I am going to stick this one out. I want this. I need an avenue outward.

The topic was about 'Loving You'. As I looked around and took in the message, I wondered if the fellow woman where coming up empty. Their baskets are full - the have husbands and kids but maybe they are coming drained of all they are. Here I am with my empty basket - no hubs, no kids. All my energy and focus has been spent on me. It could look selfish but I have been making myself toe the line. I am a seeker, a keeper, and a learner. I may be a slow learner but none the less, I am always moving even if it is tiny steps. Woman are suppose to have a lot of words and I suppose I do but it is more inwards. Hmmm, if you were a mouse in my house you would say I was talking to myself which I do but I am doing a lot of vocal talking to God. (Blogging helps use up my words!) The short of it is that I don't think I have a problem of loving myself. Now I am not confident of my looks or myself at times. My relationship with my hair is a love hate one. So where did I end up loving myself?

I wasn't loving myself for a very long time. In the teen years I was trying to have a cheerleader's personality because everyone seemed to think shy is bad. (Wish I could tell them a think or two now!) In the 20's I was trying to be a lovable girl that some man would want. I was studying up on having a good marriage, on how to be a good wife etc. In my 30's God began to show me all about JoY and I gave up on self help books. (They are a sin.) Self help is really thumbing your nose at God and saying you can do it yourself. My 30's had a lot of growing pains but here is where I began to seek ways of putting God's Word in my life by putting special verses on 3x5's so I could mediate on them. Then I was reading a chapter of Proverbs according to the number of the day. And last May I began to read the Bible chronologically through.

'Loving You' isn't about loving myself. It is about loving God. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to love God madly and deeply but now that I have, I am excited and ready to keep this passion on fire and hot. I desire to love Him more and more. It has every thing to do with reading His Word. I can't get enough. Interesting enough the by product is loving myself. I am not perfect and I have a long way to go. I have bad moments and bad days which I fight back by digging into the Word like a soldier digs a trench for protection.

The message at the Bible study made me realize where I am in my life. I have come a ways. I have a long ways to go too. Even though I don't have hubs or ankle biters to mold me, God has cultivated me. I take great comfort in that! Taking my eyes off the message and looking around at the other girls, I am looking forward to new relationships and new encouragement adventures that God has in store ....

journey vs. life sentence ...

Dear Heavenly Father,
As I pray for others and their requests, I have begun to see their struggles as a journey rather than a life sentence. Now if I only would see my own struggles and frustrations as a journey then might Your Light and Joy shine through? A hearty yes, I should say! A journey isn't so bad because once you see it as an adventure with You it makes it exciting rather than bearable! Thank You for the Journeys!!!! As said so well in Deut. 31:8 'You the Lord goes before me and will be with me; You will never leave me nor forsake me.' I will do as You command: I will not be afraid. I will not be discouraged.
always your daughter

Winter Olympics Vancouver 2010

1. loved the olympians marching in and seeing the colorful outfits
2. loved the how the Canadians included every Canadian with the flame and opening ceremony
3. interesting how many Canadians there are imbedded in the US!
4. British Columbia Vancouver 'Come Visit' ads!
5. loved how the floor and the 3D mountain became screens in the opening ceremony
6. loved Wayne Gretzky lighting the flame
7. unique flame!
8. 1st indoor opening for Winter Olympics
9. U.S. 4-man bobsled team wins gold; first since 1948
Steve Holcomb and his "Night Train" squad takes USA to gold
10. Twitter Lists allows you to get closer to the Olympians
11. Chad Hendricks is a Christian
12. loving the snowboard half pipe! so dangerous
13. know Louie Vito from Dancing with the Stars
14. totally love the snowboards red, white, and blue plaid hooded jacket! want one!!!!!
15. learned about Kevin Pearce - hit his head in December in snowboard training run & is recovering
16. liking the 4 person snowboard race... not sure what is was called....
17. always love hockey but goalie Ryan Miller was the topping!!!
18. missing the Winter Olympics but am getting more sleep!

bread bubbles ...

What echoes in my mind when people say something negative to me about me like my hair or when people say something negative about others and harps on it like it is the only string left is “Love builds up.  Knowledge puffs up.” (I Cor. 8:1)  Yesterday I got home with my brain ringing over all the tearing down words I endured.  I am a quiet person and I don’t know how to tell them to shut up.  I feel very chained and deflated.  It takes a lot of hard work to clean out my mental space and to think on things above.  I’ve been singing songs and praying for others just to shut out the noise.  This morning I wrote this verse down on paper and what does my visual side do?  It started to picture this verse.

 

The ‘pea under my mattress’ was knowledge.  Knowledge is suppose to be a good thing.  Proverbs is all about getting Wisdom and Understanding.  I deeply feel this knowledge is different than Proverbs’ Wisdom and Understanding.  I see this knowledge as that juicy morsel about someone that you use and twist as a dagger in their back whether face to face or to others.  Ok, ready for my paraphrase of this verse?

 

Love builds up like brick - strong and fit.

Juicy morsels puffs up like bread bubbles that pop.

 

That is what came to mind and it might need some work but it is definitely something to think about when juicy morsels are on our lips…. Are we building up or popping others?  And maybe when we feel that all we have is popped bread bubbles all over our hearts and brains that to remember we are truly valued and loved in our Heavenly Father’s Hands.

victory in scars?

Last night I was struggling with an old festering wound.  It is about loss and I don’t want to totally give this up.  I don’t want to burn old pictures or letters.  I don’t want to toss old magazines or even the socks.  I don’t want to give up the habits of holding on that I have been doing for the last five years.  I hate late night tears and they were coming.  So I just left my grief at His Feet and turned away to sleep.

 

This morning I was minding my own business and singing to God when Pastor Luzter came on the radio speaking of wounds.  Just what I needed so I jotted down the searing words.  This will be part of my ‘talk back’ so that maybe this wound I hold will heal and I can walk upright again.

 

“Some people never let their wounds heal.

Scars are proof of VICTORY.

Let the wounded Jesus Christ bless and heal your wounds.”

~ Pastor Luzter

Wisdom is a she ...

It stuck me when reading Proverbs 3 that Wisdom is described as she.  The command is that man should get Wisdom not possessions.  A man’s job is to provide and to protect which is a ‘me power’ instead of a God-Power. Possessions show how well he can protect and provide.  So getting Wisdom goes against the grain of man.  Let’s go back to the command.  It says to embrace Wisdom.  Here the picture of a man embracing his woman pops up in my visual mind.  This getting Wisdom should be a love affair!  I have heard from a good marriage where the man describes his wife as the life and the joy and the reason for living.  Proverbs 3 describes Wisdom in these words as well!!!!!  Also take note that God embraces Wisdom as He created the world in 6 days.  The male persona is all about doing and action.  God embracing Wisdom as He created is a perfect example of we are to do.  Man is to embrace Wisdom and then act.  True Wisdom and True Knowledge only comes by seeking her in God’s Word.  Think of this as being married to Wisdom and having a deep and meaningful relationship with her.  Wisdom as a female will tend to your needs.  She will keep you.  She will serve you well.  Wisdom has the best for you.  She welcomes you always. 

 

Wow! Isn’t God such a grand Author?  Ahh, Author and Finisher of our faith….

for the love of skates ...

As a child I never knew that the modern day Olympics existed until 1992. It was the year after college and with the movie Cutting Edge I was hooked on ice skating and hockey. Paul Wylie was my favorite skater because he was good and because he is a christian. It was a time when the skaters told stories with the music. It seemed I loved artistry of ice skating but I also loved the mental game of hockey as done well by Wayne Gretzky.

Today I don't have a favorite ice skater. It is harder to follow because it like the new scoring system took out the story telling and now it is about the jumps and the moves. I must say that with the Winter Olympics you do get to hear the back stories but I still haven't fallen for any of them. I have disliked greatly a certain mind set coming out of Russia. What bad sportsmanship. But what do expect from Puten. Then there are those countries that put way too much pressure on their athletes. I was so sad as I watched the girl figure skaters get their metals. South Korean winning gold was cool. Canadian winning bronze after her mother died was tearful joy as your heart was happy yet felt deeply for her. But then I really felt heart broken of the Japan winning silver as she really wanted the gold because of her country's pressure on her. Did she truly get to enjoy the moment or was she mad at herself? Grrrr... Then there are skaters who are way to flamboyant where it is about them and not about their sport.... So I have settled into the pair skating and especially the ice dancing. Amid the jumps and spins they can tell a story more easily even if it is the most simplest story of give and take between two people. Funny thing about influence.... last weekend my parents were commenting on they have no interest in any of the skaters. They said that I had no enthusiasm in the new skaters.....

Wellllll, I do have an interest with a skater. He isn't an ice skater nor a hockey player rather he is a speed skater. Yes, it is Apolo Ohno. Short track speed skating is a very wild sport and 'unfair' is the nature of the sport! It is like a demolition derby and horse racing together. It about crashes and who is taken out and who is left standing. Apolo's joy and let be attitude attracts me to the sport and he has made this sport popular. If this is his last year, like ice skating I might turn fickle and lose interest. Funny how it is the peeps that make the sport or break a sport for me.

Ok, today is the day. Gold metal round for hockey. Not wearing much red today. It is about the blue! I am sorry but big brother Canada does not own the rights! (I know I should live in Minnesota!) I think USA boys are young and have a lot of heart going into this. I am hoping to watch the game this afternoon as I go over to the parents.

single girl's questions ...

With fire set to the God-Ordained Marriage in these ‘last days’, wouldn’t a good God-Fearing married couple be a great witness to those demeaned it?

Shouldn’t God-Ordained Marriage be the living out of the true essence of Love as written in I Corinthians 13?

 

If marriage is what I call the last frontier in witnessing because it should reflect the God-Ordained Love given between a man and woman, then wouldn’t being a delightful Christian single living purely be the flip side of the last frontier in witnessing?  By answering this question with a firm yes gives purpose to living  this single life (even if it isn’t desired) with purity and joy.  I personally need to have a purpose and a value to my living or my doing.  Maybe now I can settle into being single a bit better and not feel so duplicitous in my desire for marriage and having to be single…  Maybe I can let go of the marriage desire …

 

If God molds us in a marriage, wouldn’t He be able to mold me without a marriage?  Wouldn’t He alone be able to cultivate my life?  Shouldn’t I trust He doesn’t need a man to mold or cultivate my life?  Shouldn’t I see this singlehood as His Plan and go with it like riding a bike with no hands?  His Control and not mine or man’s?  Yes, I should rest comfortably with that and stop my silly striving……!!!

chief with his knives ...

I hate confrontation of any kind because I become a molten melted mess inside.  The verse in Proverbs where it says ‘iron sharpens iron’ is a bit scary but I have pictures that help me be ok with the understanding.  Think of a master chef sharpening his knives.  He knows exactly how much sharpening to do.  He knows best. This is a comforting thought for me.  I like how my Master and King sharpens and cultivates me.  He knows best and gives good gifts.  An opposite picture would be like a big train braking and the wheels shoot sparks on the rails.  Not so good.  Good for stopping a speeding train but maybe not so good for the brakes or rails.  I’m not sure that is a excellent picture of a contrast to sharpening… How about using kitchen shears for cutting the plastic packaging from some electronic gismo?  Yeah, that really dulls the scissors.  You know, sharpening nor dulling feels good at the moment but sharpening makes you better and dulling just makes you a zombie ….… just a thought ….

harmonize vs. contrast

I wrote out a poem last week about a broken relationship I have.  I can’t repair it nor understand it from his point of view because he hasn’t shared it nor can I ask.  He is gone.  So here I am left with a wound.  I have looked at it from all sides like a jeweler examining a diamond and its worth.  We were two misfits that didn’t feel like misfits when we were together.  Five years later I see the contrast and it looms large.  I am a keeper and he is a leaver (even knew this about him within our friendship).  I know in relationships there are same things and different things in each of us that make us one together but when you discover a contrast that cannot mix…. I would call this a UTB (unable to breathe) moment.  I just cannot accept someone who is a leaver because it is not what I am about.   It doesn’t jive with me.  This is a major life struggle from little girlhood.   I believe without any doubt that when we get to Heaven that God is going to ask us about the people in our lives that we have discarded, ignored, or passed over.  (There are only two things here on this earth that are Eternal – God’s Word & people. ~ Swindoll) This weighs on me greatly.  I may be a keeper but I am also a loner not by choice.  I guess the nugget I am tossing around comes harmonize vs. contrast. What mixes & what doesn’t…..

 

Harmonize = blend pleasingly

Contrast = marked difference

 

Master Healer ...

I have some prayer burdens where there is loss of a loved one.  As I wrap them in prayer, I wonder at the gapping wound they are carrying.  I know that time doesn’t heal wounds and it is something you should never say.  So I have secretly prayed that that the Heavenly Father would smooth out the rough edges and that the pain they feel will one day be covered in precious memories they can enjoy and keep.  Yes, they will have a tear behind the smile but the wound gets better.  However, there are wounds that don’t heal or maybe wound isn’t allowed to heal…. I like having a Sure Foundation underlying my prayers which means I like to use the Bible as a reminder to me and to God about His Power.  I know God keeps our tears in a bottle as said in Psalms 56:8 but I wanted confirmation about healing up wounds cause by losing a loved one.  I happened upon a verse that I especially feel encouraged about.  Psalms 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted & binds up their wounds.”  This gives me peace.  Our broken hearts are healed in His Hands and those Patient Hands tenderly clean and bind up the wounds.  Interesting that He just doesn’t touch the wound but lets it heal under His Care.  This is a reminder to reflect the Healer when you are a tangible shoulder and ear for someone processing loss.  I whisper this verse as a prayer…. reminding myself that He will carry our grief and heal are broken hearts…

keeping the mind ...

How do I become successful at having a good weekend mentally and accomplish a lot?  Accomplishing everything on my list insures that my mental being is intact and up beat.  You know that feeling where you have extra energy to do those mundane things and you don’t feel it!  However, I sabotage myself because I filled my list to the top and then expect to check them off like the second hand of a clock clicking the seconds.  Then I am left in the evening hours of Sunday beating myself up and dreading the rat race that comes the next day knowing that I got nothing to show for my own endeavors.  So HOW…..? 

 

Make no list?  Limit the list to 3 items?  Make the list of all the things I accomplished on Sunday evening?  Celebrate every small victory?  Instead of the whole just focus on the smaller steps? 

 

Well, I am pretty sure I cannot go without a list!  I am still holding on to the fact that goals need to be set and a list is a way to set out to get those goals accomplished.  I am going to look at the smaller parts and celebrate them.  I am going to make sure that my hands are not idle but always hooking or knitting or creating or writing.  When Sunday evening, I am going to sigh a happy sigh filled with that energy to set about a new week a new creature.  I hope I am not just repeating a cycle.  I kind of feel this way every Friday but if I get stuck here then I am doomed.  {sticking fingers in my ears, squeezing eyes shut, humming loudly} 

 

I must say that God says to stop striving.  I have come to realize that this is a side effect and liability for a tenacious keeper like me.  {sighs} Well, I am going to attempt again to be kind to myself.  ß Maybe that should be my biggest to do!

knotted up ...

A project and a pattern have been pestering my heart.  I wanted a white furry yarn to make this particular Amigurumi.  I must say that I am still learning and there is no Lion Brand store here where I can go in and make swatch from the prospect yarns.  In fact I thought that being able to go in and make up a swatch was just a fancy notion.  However, I have changed thoughts and see how it just might have aided me.

 

I picked up this soft white yarn.  I thought it would make nice fur and it would be soft to cuddle.  What I didn’t look at or even think about was how thin this yarn is and the flick of silver is not good when I am a tight ‘stitcher’.  As I started out I was getting hung up on the silver threads and my hook would catch.  I finally got the head finished and because I don’t like to attach parts, I moved to what I thought was the neck and onto the body.  Nearing completion I looked back and didn’t like some holes that formed in the decreases and then I realize the neck was really the butt.  So I undid the project back to the neck …. but the yarn did not play nice.  It twisted and knotted.  In frustration the scissors came out and yarns were cut.  Good thing yarn is soft so that nothing breaks when you throw it…. {smiles}

 

I tried again using another white thin yarn that I had with the furry yarn but I counted wrong and yes, I had to undo.  Yes, I had another tangled knot and yes, after wasting a couple hours the scissors came out and yes, yarns were cut.  Yes, I threw the yarn to the ground several times. 

 

So I am back to my favorite Caron white yarn and this soft yarn to make a snowball to gauge if I will go this route or not.  I upped the hook size too.  It is hooking better.  It will make this Ami bigger.  It isn’t softer but more firm … not liking that!  I just might forgo the soft yarn altogether and stick to Caron white yarn. Oh my woes…..

 

A side effect to my addiction of Amigurumi is that I MUST have something created within a day or three.  It is a fix that makes me unexplainably happy.  It is a rush of bubbly heat when the face comes to be.  It gives me a fire to keep going and wallow in broken dreams.  So having nothing to show for my work for six days is causing a deflation in my mood.  I think tonight calls for whipping up some small quick cute and adorable whales.  Love them whales!  Easy to make and easy to give away!  Perfect fix!!! {smiles}

 

heart reverberation ...

“A sound heart

is life

to the body… “

~proverbs 14:30

 

Sound heart?  What could this mean as I look at the weight room of life?  As I stood there pondering, my eye caught certain sufficient heaps to work my heart into shape – heavy heaps like resonance, timbre, character, quality, tone, reverberation, significance, meaning, & importance.  Quietly from recent ‘learnings’ that God has been working out in my life, the question to ‘what is sound?’ whispered around me.  Smiling because I know this answer, I whisper back ‘God is the only thing sound, a Firm Foundation.  God Alone can being character, quality, tone, meaning, & importance into my heart making the timbre, tone, & resonance significant and reverberate outwards like harmony to His Melody….. So here I am in God’s weight room knowing that through sweat & tears a tender toned heart will bring life to this body ….

purpose of snow days...

I have a notion that winter and especially snow days are God's ways of saying, 'Hey, slow down and enjoy the beauty and warmth of family.' I got to have a blizzard when I was 10ish. It was seven days of going nowhere but digging out. We had a plastic red snow brick maker and we had a nice fort going on with the help of Mother Nature. I do remember that we as a family of four set out on foot to get to the local grocery store to get some food. It was nice to have everyone home and sheltered together. It was safe!

These days I when snows come, I hope for maybe having a blizzard again for seven days! Might not be such a good idea living alone or that much fun either. But I still think I could fill the days with things to keep occupied. When I still would want to have electricity and heat....!!!

So when I hear authorities saying, "Oh, we will have everything up and running by Monday." I just shake my head. Enjoy the time. Digging out is hard labor and let it shake up the fast pace out of control days. Slow it down and enjoy the creature comforts of home. But we are talking about Easterners who don't get the snow like we do here.... but even here there now is a rush to always get back to normal...

Ahhh, the good old days...!

dear john ...

"That was a weird ending," said the lady next to me in the theater. When caught off guard, I usually just smile and let it go. Then this thought kicked in that Mr. Nicholas Sparks errors on the side that life doesn't come in neat little packages. Besides the movie ending isn't the book ending. He doesn't get the girl.

This story is a love story and like all his books, you will cry. The movie gave a smidgen of hope that the two would end up together in the end but not so with the book.

The book has stuck with me because this is about the pain of rejection and not holding on when distance is part of the relationship. Love was given up without a fight. Oh, I know what that is!!!

Not sure this is a date movie. Maybe just see it with the girls or even alone like me. I rate this movie a 8.9 ... keeping to the book would have been much better....

Here are a few words from the book:
"In any marriage, there's room for only two people."

"... I finally understood what true love really meant. .... love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be."

These are found in the epilogue.

the headache ...

The biggest question I get is how I can eat the way I do. I have 36 food allergies which includes wheat and sugar so there goes the baked goods. Don't forget the chocolate which is the hardest for me to totally give up. Everything else I can totally do without. It has been tough on my family and I think it is very difficult for my father who loves cooking and flavor. (I have a sneaky suspicion that it is harder for guys in general to understand unless they have a food allergy themselves. it has been said to the way to a guy's heart is through their stomachs.)

Here is my feeble attempt to bottle up the fierce headache so you might get a glimpse of what it is like:
It usually begins in between the eyebrows or over the eye. The eyes are sensitive like they are swelling. Today it made my eyes very sleepy. All I wanted to do was to keep the eyes shut. Then there is a line from the middle of the eyebrows straight down to the stomach and you feel woozy. There is a slight chance you might just up-chuck (kinda like carsick but not in a moving vehicle!). The brain doesn't want to function and so thinking straight isn't happening. All you want is for the pain to stop NOW. You take aspirin but even if it finally cuts the searing pain the after effects are still there. It is like every pore on your head is swollen and even the ear ducts feel swollen. (Swollen pain like a busted lip kind of pain.) I never had a hangover but I think this has got to be pretty close. I don't think it is like a migraine but similar. So just take an aspirin and eat your chocolate isn't going to cut it. The other thing that surprises people even me is that the minute I eat a bad food, I still feel fine. It takes 24 hours for the food allergen to get into the blood stream and kill cells which is what the allergy is doing. No I don't swell up like people do with peanuts and it might not be life threatening but don't ask me in the middle of a major head pounding because it feels like dying would be a good thing to kill this pain. There is the hot cold thing that happens to your body too. When it finally eases up, you feel small and weak.

What a day and my head still isn't back to normal .... wondering what was in the seasoning for the wonderful chicken Dad made for Sunday lunch ....

36 food allergies & cc: headaches

He covers what I lack ...

I have pet words and then I have words that I use and know but don't know deep down. 'Grace' is one of those words. So indulge me a bit here as I flesh it out a bit.

'Grace' means God covers what I lack. I never stop with just Grace because with it I say the definition as well. Saying it comforts me. It is a quiet covering Strength that carries very burden and let the heart breath free.

This week a co-worker had to take time off for a loved one was in need of hospital care and it took an extra day. I had to cover for her Wednesday afternoon and then had to work late on Thursday to cover her work. I had planned to take off early as that is my errand day and it makes for a very long evening and a very hungry tummy. I wanted to help out but it still eats away when you plans fall through and you feel hurt because everyone else is taking their sweet time and all you want to do is get your own business done. Home is where you want to run to. Then I thought how lacking I am in the grace department. I am not alone either. It is a great comfort to know that my Heavenly Father never grumbles over covering my falterings and shortcomings.

Bezalel & Oholiab ...

"The the Lord said to Moses, 'See, I have chosen Bezalel son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability, and knowledge in all kinds of crafts, - to make artistic designs for work of gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of craftsmanship. Moreover, I have appointed Oholiab son of Ahisamach, of the tribe of Dan, to help him. Also I have given skill to all the craftsmen to make everything I have commanded you: the Tent of Meeting, the ark of the Testimony with the atonement cover on it, and all the other furnishings of the tent - the table and its articles, the pure god lampstand and all its accessories, the altar of incense, the alter of burnt offering and all its utensils, the basin with its stand - and also all the woven garments both the scared garments for Aaron the priest and the garments for his sons when they serve as priests, and the anointing oil and fragrant incense for the Holy Place. They are to make them just as I commanded you.' ~ Exodus 31:1-11 ( to read more here Ex 36:2-7)

Oh this passage makes me soooooo excited because being very crafty myself it brings me great Joy to have God put special importance on the crafts of the hands. What ability to be ordained to do that many mediums of crafts!!! - from wood, stone, weaving, and sewing ....etc.... I also find it precious to these names are obscure. It gives me hope and a smile as I go about crafting and giving that craft away.... I always knew that God gave us passions that the world needs and for us to give but to have this spelled out just makes me giddy....

cold hands - hot heart ...

Oh boy! I need to redo my body so that my hands are where my arm pits are and the arm pits are where my hands should be. Why you ask? I have severely cold hands and the hottest heart around and it seems to be getting worse or that I am getting more frustrated with it. My hands are in severe pain by the time I reach work even with my hand double decked in mittens. Here is the kicker... get me all frustrated or nervous and instantly the heart over heats and the cheeks burn but all the hot blood has left my hands a frigid cold. I find that the clothes are more concentrated around the heart area and less clothing for lower arms and lower legs and feet. I guess I could go walking around with my hands in my pits but then very little work would be done.

I make a mean Winter bed or so I thought until I changed the bed sheets this morning. I have concentrated the bedding for my feet with a short wool blanket to keep them toes toasty. However, when this ice cube gets into bed, I have fallen asleep before I notice that my heart is overheating in sweat! I once again have tweaked the bedding situation to where moved the blankets down and away from my heart. My heart is at its coldest when jumping into bed. I tend to snuggle way under so you can't see me at all. I do behave and pull back the covers so I can breath but now I am going to have to kick off the top blankets so that my heart doesn't make me sweat. The good thing about bed covers is that my feet and hands are happy and warm. {sighs}

Ok, I know! Go ahead and snicker at me! {smiles}

the desert road ...

"When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, "If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt. So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea." Exodus 13:17-22

Oh dear, how many times to I weep and wail about how much time it seems to take for me to get along in my journey or to learn a lesson. It could be the longer winding is better suited to my strength building. There will be battles to face but just maybe it isn't for today because I am not ready. God trains my arms for war and builds my strength upon strength. I have learned that from the Psalms. Just why is it easy to be let the eyes slip focus from the Pillar of God's Glory and Mighty Works? Do I want to roam the desert for 40 years? Noooooo.... so let me follow my Heavenly Father the scenic route is just fine with me. I will rejoice!

Extraordinary Measures ...

This movie tops the charts. Rating would be a 10. Do not think of this movie like you would 'Lorenzo's Oil' where it was a tear infested movie & hope came to late. This movie is very upbeat & the two children especially the little girl with Pompe Syndrome are fighters. Yes, I had some tears but you were in the movie fighting with the doctor and the father as time was ticking away to find something to keep the children alive.

My mother stayed awake and that is saying something. Good thing the theater was huge and we sat in the back! We were quite vocal because it felt like cheering on the home team. This is a most go see. There is some language as the doctor is a crusty eccentric man.

A little note from an English person....
There is this study of four enzymes that they color coded so there would be an equal look at which enzyme was ready to go. The color codes where yellow, green, blue, and magenta. Megs wanted her medicine to be pink and during the movie I kept telling Mom that Dr. Stonewall's enzyme was magenta the closest to pink! Well, you never find out but in my world it is so!

my wedding song ...

I love my visual brain! I have been thinking about the hymn "Be Thou my Vision" and there I am in a white wedding dress and veil. The isle is long and tall because I am feeling quite small. But there He is, my Groom, at the alter dress in white. He turns and the flash of His welcoming smile makes me flutter but His warm eyes make me feel safe. Then He reaches His arms for me and I see His nail pierced hands. My heart bubbles up because those hands meant that I WAS CHOSEN AND HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME NOR FORSAKE ME! He is my Vision, Lord of my heart!!!!
Amen!

love stinks ... teehee

I have a real hard time with Paul when he admonishes the singles to stay single. I think because he seems quite happy to be single and I am not. I think because I have always felt like a misfit and seem to always go against the peer pressure. It just seems that marriage is a place where you can finally breath without looking over your shoulder. So I rather like what Jesus has to say on 'singlehood' in Matthew. It feels more kind and encompasses more singles than those who have no desire for marriage.

Matthew 19:12
For there are eunuchs
who were born thus,
from their mother's womb,
& there are eunuchs
who were made eunuchs by men,
& there are eunuchs
who have made themselves eunuchs
for the Kingdom of Heaven's sake.
He who is able to accept it,
let him accept it.

Well, 40 has brought on me needing to accept singlehood. It is one of the hardest things to do with so many hazards out there sabotaging my every thought. I was going along with my life and my Amigurumi addiction was keeping me level and functioning then I get asked 'if I was married' and 'if I liked boys or not' at a family Christmas function. Then later I get this call if I would like to go on a blind date. This person was well meaning and it was harmless but man, did it send my thoughts in a wild frenzy and I had some low points last week. BTW I said no to a blind date. Good grief! {take deep breath}

I love BNN {worldwide Christian radio} that has great hymns and pastors. With it comes a lot of marriage tidbits and help that I really dig. But after taking stock of my life, I have spent 20 years studying marriage, what a wife is, and what makes boys tick because I wanted to have the best marriage and be the best wife I could be. Now it gets me because singles need help. If a good marriage is a mission field for all those out there with bad ones then being single should be a mission field for all the singles messing around or are walking wounded. Elizabeth Elliot said "our disappointments are God's appointments." This is a good boost for a thought I have been nursing for the past months. Something along the lines of Singlehood Survival .... of course I am not main stream so maybe my survival kit wouldn't help others. If I create this dream and it only helps me to be full joy and vibrant than it is worth it. I know vague on the dream but people like to rain on my parade and fail to shush and truly listen.

Oh, I have thought of a retort for those pesky questions on my marital status and it is Biblical! It is good for those 'talk backs' I need to pack myself when the heart starts to bleed and the mind goes into downward spiral and the tears heave. I might not quote all the verse as it just might blood to boil but parts of it still packs some heat....

Marriage is honorable ...
be content with such things as you have.
For Jesus Himself has said,
"I will never leave you nor forsake you."
So we may boldly say:
"The Lord is my Helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?"
~ Hebrews 13:4-6

If I really need to shut someone up, I would quote all of it but this saids a lot right here. It certainly shuts me up! I do get a killer wicked grin on my face and I get my mind back and the bleeding stops and the tears recede. I am sure I will have dark episodes and that I would be out the woods on this but I have my footing back and I will keep fortifying myself with His Love Letter.

Robin Hood Relief ...

I woke to the idea of huge planes that can fit automobiles & buses in its belly forgoing any governmental hoopla and red tape landing in open green fields with hordes of personal with tons of aid pouring from the guts of these aircrafts to help and serve the Haitians to ease the hurt and hunger. A vision of an 'aid invade' like now and then they would pull out once all the governments got their acts together. Think Robin Hood!

disclaimer:
If you can't tell tears over the nightly news of Haiti's hurt and hungry are causing hallucinations.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
You will revive me.
Psalms 138:1

punishment or just schooling?

Hebrews 12:7-11
7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?
8 If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.
9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!
10 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.
11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You can think of the hardships as you messing up and in need of correction. Sure that happens but sometimes there are times when I am just struggling and I haven't done wrong. Then I had a thought! I have a bit of teacher in me and I lovvvvvvve learning. So lets think about it as schooling. You wouldn't send your kid just for kindergarden and first grade and then yank him out. It would be consider horrible! There is soooo much out there like reading and math that you kid needs to survive!

So my Heavenly Father & Master Teacher 'discipline' is more like schooling and let me tell you I did horrible with the math. It was hard and my brain is more of a creative free spirit. The hardship wasn't because I did wrong but because it seemed unnatural to me. I needed to learn it.Because the learning was hard, I can say without a doubt that when I finally get it - IT IS MINE to keep! With my love for words, you often will find me making a simple word formula out of something I want to keep in a throw back to math formulas.

Not all bad, huh?

Be Thou my Vision ...

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

written by by Eleanor H. Hull
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you notice that your life has a theme? that you are learning the same thing over and over? that what you are learning is like a spiral upwards where you may be learning the same thing but it is building up each other? I have and when I come to a low point in my life, I have a momentary lapse where I have forgotten everything I learned. I get sooooo mad at myself because I it took me forever to learn these lessons God has given me, I don't want to repeat the learning.

Of late I have lost my Joy that took forever to get. I must turn my eyes back on Jesus and His Word. I must not lose myself in the mud wallow. I am not a pig but rather a chosen people. I must get my act together and remember to enter into His Courts with praise.

Be Thou my Vision, my one True Love.

Here is to a Joyfilled 2010!!!