Part of being strong willed is having super solid thoughts of how things should be and how things should be done. These thoughts are not random. These thoughts are logical. These thoughts are connected to the very fiber and essence of who I am.
Maybe it is being a girl in a man's world that makes me second guess my thoughts when it contradicts a man's thoughts. Maybe it is because I'm a strange contradiction of tenderness and strictness. Maybe it is because I am most happy when submissive but when my thoughts are swept aside, a violent torrential storm erupts.
A current event has just played out and I am red hot livid. I am here trying to put my words down to get these ugly emotions out of my body and my heart. Spilt milk is spilt milk. You can't do anything but except it, right? But wait, there is clean up to do…
My split milk is the tree trimmers that whacked the lilac tree to the ground where it was living conjoined with the lilac bush. I should have pinked flagged like my gut said so they would not touch it. I voiced my concern about the lilacs along with the new small bushes I have bought. 'Oh, they will be fine.' I had so much unrest in my heart that when the trimmers finally arrived I asked God to guide them. When I got home I rushed to the backyard to see if they spared my lilac tree and my unspoken wishes. I want to be silent and sweet no more. I want to rail against the one who made me second guess myself. Oh wait, I was the one that second guessed.
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