I was in a terrible state of mind. The backlog of work and the cantankerous computer was weighing on my thoughts as I felt my world was sliding down the drain. I was all excited with the new system update because I could do it. I wasn't afraid. I wanted to let it rip. I had a week's work to put in the system because the higher ups didn't shut down production even with a shaky economy. I would have done things differently so my employees could be more successful and happy. Opps, I'm the employee not the boss so I had to work with what was given. Last week I felt that this new update was like having a bright red shiny car with no engine. The desk that I like leaving clean was messy with things not done. Requests were filling up my conscious. Would I ever catch up? Would I ever be on top and ahead of the game so that the nagging would stop?
Needless, to say this gentle quiet spirit that dislikes drama felt the fire kicking up to a full roar. It showed too. Not good at all. It has taken a long time to have this calm and here I was feeling the friction between the boss and me. I was coming home mad at myself. I knew better and yet I was letting this get to me. I know that this drama would not matter in Eternity only how I handled myself would.
Yesterday I did catch up for the most part. Today I feel even better. I am back to the gentle quiet spirit. I hate having learned the long tough way and feel I like I have fallen backwards. I think I discovered something. Chuck Swindoll has been talking about Daniel yesterday and today. Swindoll said something that really got me to thinking about my spirit and how my boss is seeing me.
I work for a very challenging female boss. Her basic demeanor is gruff. A lot of times she shoots from the hip and comes off in an accusing manner. She can be abusive even though I am sure she doesn't mean to be. I tried to get away from her and was able to work in another department for awhile until the economy tanked and I was let go. In order to have a job I had to work for her. I was hoping for a temporary time of it but it doesn't look like there will be any way of escape. I have come to terms with it all by the language of thanksgiving. When I thanked God for the job I hated and for the boss that was making the me seethe, then God gave me a calm.
So what did Swindoll say that got me to thinking about these past two weeks? "The employer will notice your spirit before he will notice your diligence." (Chuck Swindoll on Daniel's behavior) I had to think about this and I still am. See, I notice if I can stay even keel and calm and not respond negatively to the terse words the boss flings about like free candy thrown at the local fair parade, she doesn't get mad at me and let lose. I think that just might be the spirit Chuck was talking about. I don't understand why diligence would be second to spirit but I know when I pose this question to God, He comes with epiphanies and lessons to get excited about learning it.
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