a woman's work place ...

Two weeks ago when I had great angst about my woman boss did I really try to put to thought and words what I have been feeling all along about women in the work place. So here it goes!

I have never truly felt at home in the work place but I am the bread winner so I must I am not into competition and a bit shy. I do not like to follow the crowd nor to I do to well with being told what to do. I cringe and get smaller under criticism. I have always wanted to be a part of a good team but never found one. I am not a leader type because no one wants to follow me. I am a very hard worker and find myself working my best at being left alone. It may sound like I am not a good worker but I know that is not true. I am most dependable.

I have been seeking the Word for clues to my malaise and I keep going to Proverbs 31 for help. She starts off as being valuable to her husband. She is confident and good not for selfish means but in the care for her husband and home.

Now begins with the work that she does. She is able to select wool and flax and is eager to work with it. Now I didn't always work with yarn so I am not going to say a true woman must - no. I do believe that a woman knows what works best in her hands when it comes to what she is good at. Next she gathers food from afar. Hmm, I used to bake before I found out where my HA's came from. I cook but am not confident to have others taste and critique. But I do gather here that she is interested in nourishing her family. She knows what is good for them and what isn't. She also knows the health of family. She gets up early! Well, ugh... Moving on... She is a leader as she cares for her family and her servant girls. Well, lookie here. She has servants to help her but to honestly put it into day's world, it shows that she can lead. She buys land and with her earnings plants a vineyard. She is a gardener. She likes plants and flowers. She knows what feeds not just the body, but the mind, heart, and soul. I love the fact that she has strong arms and works vigorously. She is a hard worker and not afraid to get into it. She sells what she makes or gardens. She likes the trade. She is generous to those in need. Her home is warm and her family are clothed in warmth. Her home is decorated in royal colors of richness. Her list goes on and on.

Bottom line a woman's work is creative, nurturing, home keeping, and generous. Two words? A creator & nurturer. So how does a modern day woman deal with the business world? What if a woman isn't creative but a numbers girl? Can she be a biblical woman in the business dog eat dog world? Can a woman bring the woman of Proverbs 31 into the work place?

I know I feel frustrated in today's work place. I know I am a Proverbs 31 type of girl. I am creative and a nurturer. I like being at home. I like keeping my home but I must work. So what if I could find work being a Proverbs 31 girl in the work place? And what would it look like?

looking forward ...

I've been a funk and I know better. I do think it is a process to travel through and to get my bearings for the new terrain. You can prepare and thought you have traveled this spot once before, but it still acts new and it is like processing a death. All deaths are unique and new. So I can either get more into a funk or be ok and move forward.

God is good at giving me His Word to hold onto. Today Luke 9:62 really caught me and challenges my mind when it seems easier to give into the dark thoughts and immobility they bring. ''But Jesus said to him, 'No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the Kingdom of God.''' I was feeling pretty guilty. More Words & Word Pictures came to mind. I do not want to be a Lot's wife who looked back and became forever a pillar of salt. She outright rejected God's best for her. Instead God wants us to be salt - tasty and light.

I have found a small treasure trove of verses that put your focus in the right direction.

''Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.
~ Isa 43:18-19

... forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press towards the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. ~ Phil 3:13-14

Let your eyes look straight ahead,
and your eyelids look right before you.
Ponder the path of your feet,
and let all your ways be established.
Do not turn to the right or the left;
remove your foot from evil.
~ Prov 4:25-27

What I need to get back to was the grow spurt I had at my last job loss. I focused on God-Victories. I sang chorus & hymns. I meditated on God's Word. I hope that I shake off this fog and get on with this unexpected home time. I do have a lot to do with my home and with my creativity. Now is the time to sing, talk back, organize, and get creative - oh, and look for another job...

Marley & me ...

I would rate this movie a 9.5. Mom says anyone who is thinking about a dog should see this movie. Having a dog is an investment and should never think that when it get hard to do that giving up the dog as in option.

We have 3 puppers and love them all. They are toy fox terriers. My parents got Bobby and Andy after the loss of Sam a black toy fox terrier. Bobby and Andy are brothers and they work together as a team when it comes to protecting their home and people. Bobby sees things and will alert Andy. Andy doesn't seem to 'see' as well but he is a little tank and the hair on the back of his neck stands tall as he is a little fighter. Andy is the smallest but he is boss. He will guard the empty discarded cookie box from the others! Tink is the addition because little bro couldn't handle him anymore since an addition of their little girl. But after watching Marley, Tink is better behaved!

All three puppers have given their hearts to us as we have given our hearts to them. They are the best at helping you laugh when the days are anything but laughable. They are animated and warm. They look at you with their puppy eyes begging for treats or tummy rubs and sitting there watching a movie about the love of pups and rubbing tummies of sleeping pups brings delight to my sore heart.

I found myself laughing hard and crying just as hard too. I am emotional all the time now but I think I really cried too much because of the thoughts in the back of my mind are about my next steps in being jobless and what I need to do to get back in the work force but to do something that I love doing...

Love my pups. I thank God for furry little hides that love me so much....

a specific job ...

From ''Bedside Blessings'' by Charles Swindoll April 24th reads:

Be specific in your prayer life. If you need a job, pray for a job. If you're an engineer, ask God to open up an engineering position for you, or something related for which you are qualified . . . . If you need fifteen hundred dollars for tuition, ask for that amount. Make your petitions specific.

He will surely be gracious to you
at the sound of your cry;
when He hears it, He will answer you.
Isa 30:19

Whew! I know that I need to be specific in my prayers but to read this on the very day I am unemployed reminds me that God is in control. I know He has great plans for me ... am I willing to TRUST?

I have been reviewing what I am good at and where my strengths lie. I want a job that is creative. I would love to write but I have not had any bites of encouragement. I do plan to get back to the basics of my English degree and get back to studying my passion. I would love to be creative. My crafts have gotten me no where and leave me discouraged. There is a lot of talk but no action. There is a ton of work on my side with no results. I am great at self learning and works well alone. I like teamwork but never have seen it work in the business world. I love being organize as it allows for work to be done well and efficiently.

I am not sure where that leaves me but I am working out the specifics and resting that God is working for my good. I have to remember that this is the in between time where brainstorming is king and I love brainstorming! When it about staying above the water, it is hard to wait patiently. I am too hard on myself. I want to keep my mind renewed but I want to be kind to myself as well.

Off to figure out unemployment...

The battle is the Lord's

jobless ...

What I thought would be coming sometime over the summer with more time off and on and then total let go, came mid morning Friday, April 24th. That was the last day of work for me. There is more job losses yet with the plant still working and boats piling up in the front of the plant and in the back. When my mind goes back, it still baffles me.

My man boss did come in after and said how sorry he was and that it wasn't his discussion that there where other jobs that should have gone before me but his name isn't on the door. He also said that I was a good worker and that I did a good job and that was not the reason for the let go. He also said that whatever he said really doesn't help because those same words have been told to him and they didn't help. I did convey to him that I had really enjoyed working for him and this is truly honest because he has been the best so far.

The christian HR person who is a good friend of mine told her boss that she would not be the one to be in the room when they let me go. Minutes after she did come down with a card. I told her not to go so fast that I would like a hug. She gave me the best hug.

I did have to go to my female boss and ask her if she wanted to go over things before I left. I had been waiting for her to ask me but she didn't. Not sure what was up with that. My mom said that she wouldn't have been so kind (she is being the protective lioness here and I appreciate this). I told mom that I couldn't do that after the verses I gathered from the Word about being a good servant to my earthly masters. I did tell mom that I find it disturbing that no matter how much of a hard worker that I am that it depends on the style of getting the work done to whether someone was a good worker or not. I know my style greatly differ from the girl boss I have that came in after I had learned my post from another plant that we had consolidated. So when she takes over and she does her style then my style of things will only mean that I didn't do a good job. {sighs} But that is past and I am looking forward...

As I was leaving other girls in the office where quite shocked and now worried. They figured my job would keep me there longer. I did pay the bills and those invoices were coming in like crazy. Why they are still building boats is beyond me.... ok, I know forward thinking now.

To be really honest I was getting more and more frustrated with my job since last September. I also knew that if the things got worse, the job would get worse and I didn't know if I wanted to deal with it. I am a creative person stuck in a numbers job that was increasing becoming more confining. I didn't know what to do. My creative side gets really battered every time I try to make a go of it and it fails. I have been looking at this job direst as God working a way for my creative side to bring home the bread and butter.

My heart did bottom out and I had tears. I did get the mad feelings, the zombie feelings, the remembering feelings, the back and forth feelings, and the extreme feelings. All of this is part of the death process. However, these feelings do not rule my day. God has been preparing me because I have been seeking Him through these times. The sparrow at Thanksgiving, the FEAR NOT at Christmas, and even the self discovery of Amigurumi were my ways of 'talking back' God's Word to my feelings. Through all of this I find that we Christians do not TRUST God as we should. If we are truly believers we have to realize that to fear and to quake is a sin. Yes, we will feel these feeling but we stop it by SPEAKING ALOUD THE WORD OF GOD to these feelings. When you focus on this, God's Strength will expand in your life. It is ''forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.'' ~ Phil 3:13-14

I have been muttering under my breath often 'new beginnings' to shake myself from the behind things. It is all about getting that soapbox out and talking back the Word. It is a process and it is a battle but this battle is the Lord's! What verse in Psalms do I share now? There are sooooo many. I love King David's word - such a help in times of need. ''I will say of the Lord, 'He s my Refuge and my Fortress; My God, in Him I will TRUST.''' ~Ps 91:2

Are you trusting and obeying?

fear not
stress not
worry not
fret not

In every situation you are either going to believe the Word of God or the lies of the evil one.

mediation on the Word ...

First of all, God's kind of mediation is filling up the mind so much so that it overflows into your heart, life, and soul. Ok, I got that off my back.

Here is a verse that I love about mediation ...
"May my meditation be sweet to Him;
I will be glad in the Lord.''
~ Ps 104:34

What I like about mediation is that my prayers are 'talking back' the Scripture. I have stopped the nagging and the tears over the painful heart wrenching stuff. It makes for a better relationship with my Heavenly Father.

Ravi put it best -
''When the meditation of the Word is gone - the thrill of life is gone.''

I must say that my life has come alive and it has to do with God's Word!

heaping happy instead of grief ...

Having a bad day at liking my 'new' boss - a female boss. Argh! It doesn't help that I wish I could be creative and not work with numbers. When I am a mess, I go to the Word to find the 'Right Ways' ...

Feeling unlovely ...
Prov 15:8 ... He loves him who follows right ways.
Wanting His love so desperately. This I must do:

'Obey those who rule over you, & be submissive,
for they watch over your souls, as those who must give account.
Let them do so with JOY & not with grief,
for that would be unprofitable for you.' ~ Heb 13:17

'Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh,
with fear & trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ.
Not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ,
doing the will of God from the heart,
with good will doing service, as to the Lord & not to men.
Knowing that whatever good anyone does,
he will receive the same from the Lord,
whether he is slave or free.' ~ Eph 6:5-8

'Therefore, be imitators of God as dear children.
And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us & has given Himself for us,
an offering & a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.' ~ Eph 5:1-2

'If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat;
& if he is thirsty, give him water to drink;
For so you will heap coals of fire on his head
& the Lord will reward you.' ~ Prov 25:21-22

CEASE STRIVING! BE STILL & KNOW THAT I AM GOD ~ ps 46:10

{sighs}

simply? HE IS.

He is the First & Last, the Beginning & the End!
He is the Keeper of creation & Creator of all!
He is the Architect of the universe & the Manager of all times.
He always was, He always is & He always will be ...
Unmoved, Unchanged, Undefeated, & never Undone!
He was bruised & brought healing!
He was pierced & eased pain!
He was persecuted & brought freedom!
He was death & brought LIFE!
He is risen & brings power!
He reigns & brings peace!

The world can't understand Him,
The armies can't defeat Him,
The leaders can't explain Him,
The leaders can't ignore Him,
Herod couldn't kill Him,
Hitler couldn't silence Him,
The New Age can't replace Him!
He is Light, Love, longevity, & LORD.
He is Goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, & God.
He is Holy, Righteous, Mighty, Powerful, & Pure.

His Ways are Right.
His Word is Eternal.
His Will is unchanging.
His Mind is on me.
He is my Redeemer,
He is my Savior,
He is my Guide,
He is my Peace,
He is my JOY,
He is my Comfort,
He is my LORD,
He rules my life!

When I fall, He lifts me up!
When I fail, He forgives!
When I am weak, He is strong!
When I am lost, He is the way!
When I am afraid, He is my courage!
When I stumble, He steadies me!
When I am hurt, He heals me!
When I am broken, He mends me!
When I am blind, He leads me!
When I face a trial, He is with me!
When I face persecution, He shields me!
When I face problems, He comforts me!
When I face loss, He provides for me!
When I face death, He carries me Home!

He is my Living God!!

~ author unknown

May you seek & know Him because He first loved you & pursues you all of your days.

moai + ikigai

I first heard the about the 'ever closing social circle' a few years ago in a discussion about kids and them leaving the nest in the next four years. I had not thought of it like that until I watched my father as his parents died and we began the hard process of dissolving an earthly place of resisdence. Then I began to have thoughts about my future and how I would handle my own parents ... ok enough. I have made an ultimatum with my self, that God has promised today and I will not trip myself up by thinking on the dark side of the future.

In the book called 'Blue Zones' There is talk about moai a Japanese word for having a social network to keep you healthy and alive. I have been wondering about my very small moai and thinking that as we get older how the circle gets smaller and smaller. It will take work to make it bigger...

There is the Japanese word ikigai which means that which gives you purpose and is to help you live longer and better. I can get this word because I love dreams and passions. Dreams and passions light people up and make them alive! When these dreams and passions begin to touch others, the purpose of ours lives increase.

I believe 'moai' and 'ikigai' need to go together. Don't they feed off each other? I love 'It's a Wonderful Life' ever since I first saw it in college and was so moved by tears that I had to hide under the covers so my roommate wouldn't see my tears because it was such a powerful emotional experience to me. Our lives touch others every person we meet. I just don't think we get it....

''ships''

Friendship has been a life long search and disappointment for me. As I hit the middle road and have come to terms with what is in my life, I realize that my mother and father didn't have 'deep friendships' except each other and this is my heritage as well. We may be too deep or too tenacious for others that it seems like we are a bit peculiar.

I have been finding comfort in with Proverbs 18:24 ''A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a Friend that sticks closer than a brother.'' I love the but because being here in the verse means that I even as I am friendly that sometimes it just isn't going to work or be as deep as I like BUT there is a Friend who is so close to me and deep and joyful too. So with this knowledge tucked under my arm, I have decided to start jotting down the Bible truths in makes make a good friend and to put it into my life.

* Proverbs 18:24 = be friendly but it doesn't mean that you will always have friends but you will always have the FRIEND.
* Proverbs 18:1 = isolating yourself or being insular = selfish - our lives interconnect w/ everyone we meet.
(also isolating yourself means you have rage issues)
* Proverbs 27:9 = ointment & fragrance - friendship is about hearty healing counsel and delightful sweetness
''Ointment and Fragrance delight the heart, and the sweetness of a man's friend gives delight by hearty counsel.''
* Proverbs 27:17 = iron sharpens iron = it is important to FIGHT for the friendship
I did not like this verse because I do not anger or fighting but when I saw this as a Top Chef sharpening a knife against a piece of flint, I do not see anger or fighting but rather becoming a better me. I see the value of fighting for ''ship'' but not the fighting for being right.
* Col 2:2 If you are a believer, you are knitted together with other believers and this is ENCOURAGEMENT.
* Eph 5 - walking in love & redeeming the time
* Prov 17:9 - Harbor love not hate. When you think about the things you love about a person, you cover that person in love. When you think about the things you hate or even dislike, you cover that person in hate and begin to dislike that person.
* Eph 2:10; Gal 6:9- use your gifts
* Phil 4:5 - let your gentleness be known to all men.

I am sure that there is more for me on this search as I am always on the look out to be better. It is most interesting to see how God uses ''ships'' as His means of Design - marriage b/t man and woman, family, friendship etc. I love His Workings...

the trust factor ...

I've been muddling over trust in my heart for a long time. I felt the underlying issue with a dear friend now gone from my life by his choice was the lack of trust - I think in anyone who got to close. I guess it means he trusted no one. Plus God has spoken about TRUST in His Letter to us 134 times in the KJV alone. It is all over the Word. A verse to sum it up is Phil 3:3 ''Rejoice in the Lord & have no confidence in the flesh.''

So this dear friend now gone lacked trust in people so that is a good thing, right? NO. Just like a believer who is angry at someone or something is ultimately angry at God. So it is with trust. When a believer is distrustful of everyone and everything, they are ultimately distrustful of God! 'He just don't care or this life wouldn't be so hard!'

As a believer our full trust must belong to God and when that trust is in the Almighty, the trust trickles and overflows into all our relationships. This overflow helps in the best of times and most of all, in the worse of times. We are not abandoned in a trash heap of discarded relationships nor are we abandoned in 2 bit jobs when we would rather be living out our dreams and passions. When all is lost, WE ARE NOT. God knows exactly where we are.

Being discarded by what I held as a precious friendship, I could go on being distrustful in my relationships but I cannot. God knows just where I am at and has led me through many lessons that where hard but has given the richness of knowing that I am precious in His Sight and that I am taken care of. I could be hateful and harbor nasty thoughts against this person but I just cannot. I know that even though this person is lost to me not by my choice is seen and pursued by God. God loves him and wants the best for him too. The 2 bit jobs are lessons just as the realtor job he has now that is on shaky ground is God Designed for great things in this person's life even if it is hard and he is shouldering it alone without sharing.

{sighs} I keep on praying for a JOY break through and for his trust issues. We do live a WONDERFUL LIFE. In God's Word an ABUNDANT LIFE! John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have life more abundantly.


Joy in Christ = strength = Rejoicing in the Lord = trusting Him fully = life more abundant

~ AWESOME ~

enticed? do not consent ...

Have you had a deep think about ENTICEMENT? Isn't an enticement about something you have set as a no in your life like a value or a habit you wanted to break or a food that is a no no for your diet? I was reading along in Proverbs for my daily fix and notice enticement mentioned quite a bit. So I decided to give it a whirl.

I can't have chocolate in my life as I am allergic to cocoa and sugar. It is something I loved and am quite addicted to. It is definitely a huge enticement for me. Just last week the computer guy comes into the office to chatter about something geeky and guess what? A beautiful whiff of chocolate mixed with peanuts filled my nostrils. I blurted out, ''You've been eating chocolate!'' Oh boy, was that ever a ravishing scent!

Ahhh, enticement is something that you have set up in your life as something that is NOT GOOD FOR YOU for whatever reason. I know that I used something that isn't totally dangereous but gives me a horrific headache which means that it is killing brain cells.... Ok, maybe there is danger but it is lighthearted. But God is serious. He warns of enticement throughout His Word not to say NO to His beloved children but to protect them. It is super important to get a handle on ENTICEMENT.

I like to use certain words to help battle 'bad words'. An ABSOLUTE or a life choice are serious words when it comes to my values or good habits I want in my life. Keeping an ABSOLUTE in my life is affirming the hard work in the decision making I did to make my values stick or the experiences I had to go through because I was enticed and never want a repeat. The more vintage I become the more I want to seek God and His Word and the more I want a deep and passionate relationship with Him. He has never failed me nor will He ever. So to abide in Him and refuse enticement at all costs is most important to me.

Word Pix of enticement? Proverbs 7

''My son, if sinners ENTICE you, do not consent.
if they say, 'come with us, let us lie in wait to shed blood;
let us lurk secretly for the innocent without cause;
Let us swallow them alive like Sheol, and whole,
like those who go down to the Pit;
We shall find all kinds of precious possessions,
we shall fill our houses with spoil; ...
My son, ....
but they lie in wait for their own blood,
they lurk secretly for their own lives ...
~Proverbs 4:10 & following verses

.. present your bodies a living sacrifice,
holy, acceptable to God,
which is your reasonable service.
And do NOT be conformed to this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,
that you may prove what is good and acceptable and perfect
WILL OF GOD.
~ Romans 12:1-2

ENTICED? DO NOT CONSENT!

fear involves torment...

there is NO FEAR in Love;
but Perfect Love casts out fear,
because fear involves torment,
but he who fears has not been made perfect in Love.
~ I John 4:18

Whoa! God keeps reminding me about FEAR NOT and I love it! This verse is quite intriguing too. I have been dragging out my little box and climbing on top and shouting on the top of my lungs 'FEAR NOT'. I have been putting the FEAR NOT in my circumstances but had not thought about the FEAR NOT in human relationships.

This is a great verse for mommies and daddies to share with their precious little ones in this big bad world. It answers great questions.... What is fear? torment of the body, mind, heart, & soul. When Love is there fear? NO WAY! So he/she doesn't love me if he/she hits me? NOOOOOO. What is perfect love? Child, the question is WHO is Perfect Love? That would be God your Heavenly Father. So if I fear than I am not made perfect in Love? That is right, Child But I fear sometimes... Yes, I fear sometimes too but it is a feeling that I put away by reading God's Word. The torment flees and I FEAR NOT.

I have been putting FEAR NOT in my relationship with God. It is the only way I can turn from fear. ~It is about either believing the Word of God or the lies of the evil one.~ I test my thoughts against this new and power life phrase I keep front and center. Who else loves to torment besides the evil one? If I FEAR NOT, than the tormentor cannot have his way with me!

Why be tormented?

Revelation thoughts

* Believers represent ROYALTY.
* Have you signed the one & only PEACE TREATY?
* There is green grass still after the 7th seal has been broken! (Rev 8:7)

Just some tidbits from listening to Steven Davies on BNN. I have been feeling the dangerous edge for two people in my life - a co-worker & a high school friend. They are in my life because they want to be. They are difficult for me but why else are they there but to be a witness that God is God? (Isa 43:12) I have digging into God's Word & asking God to let His Word bubble up when the decisions get scary for me...

great things of God ...

♬♪♩... blessed be the Lord, blessed be the Lord
for He had done great things, blessed be the Lord ... ♫♩♪

1. The Red River has finally crested! Good news has finally come. The people have worked so hard but it is only God's Mighty Hand to stop the rise of this funny upstream river. Sure there is major lost already but only trust in God will get you through.

2. Dad has been in Texas for a week and he got home just in time to miss the crazy weather Texas is having. Dad didn't have to be delayed at airports and we at home didn't have to worry any longer. The pups are certainly glad to have everything alright in their furry little world.

3. My little bro isn't that fond of anything that is mechanical and requires some kind of tinkering. He lives in one town and has to travel about an hour to two for his work in completing his schooling. On the way to his work the car stops going. Panic is already rising. He sees people in a house so he goes up to see if he can get help but the woman is frantic and says to call 911. 911 just happens to send out a wrecker who specializes in the type of car he has and was took little bro back to the dump. They figured out what was wrong. Get this little bro had taken the car in days earlier because of a the signs of a problem and they said nothing was wrong!

Little bro had to figure out how he was going to give directions to his wife on how to get around the detour and find the dump. The wreaker guy made is real simple for little bro and took him into McDonald's before the detour.

What is super amazing is that the car place wasn't helping little bro so God made the car break down in the right place so that little bro would get the right help to fix the problem. Sure it is out of the way but now little bro knows where to get help.

Isn't God Good? Here is more to tell the generations....

organizing creativity ...

Mere minutes before closing up shop at work yesterday, my boss comes in to tell me that the plant is off work the week of April 6 and so will the office. This will be my first week of unemployment which means no pay. My co-workers have already done the dance of work a week or two and off two to three and then back to work ... etc. Not to mention the whole county being the top unemployment rate in the country at 18.3%. So it is time for me to get in on the experience too. I must say that the thought of no pay can try to be disruptive in my thoughts but I can't have it!

First order of business is to recall my learnings thus far and do it in my own life!
*Fear not!!!!
*If your life is out of whack, then you are either not listening to God's Word or you don't know what the Word says.
*You are either listening to God's Words or you are listening to the lies of the evil one.
*Obedience is blessing. Disobedience is punishment.

I am looking at this time as hunkering down and not spend! This is hard even though I have limited my spending of late but have not totally shut the $ flow.

I have promised to help with the spring cleaning with my parent's yard so that will take out a day. I do want to a purge in my home. Paper is my enemy! I did some shredding today to jump start my plan. I also want to figure out a better way to keep my important papers. Oh, that file safe would come in handy but that takes mula. I want to figure out my money. I hate dealing with my finances. I need to try to do the banking thing online including paying certain bills online as well seeing that the good old US mail is becoming unreliable. (don't get me started on the mailing system as I could really have a huge fit ... grr) I do need to get a resume going and while I am at it maybe a fun resume should be there too. You know a resume for a job that I really want not just settling for something that pays for the food on the table and home that surrounds me. Ok, those are a few things I could do and need to do.

Now to what I really would like to do! I would like to really get myself creative self organized! I have pictures to download and get put in places to share with others. I have music to organize. I need to really make some decision on selling my homemade online! The shipping is really giving me fits. I want to organize my writing life. I have been saying that all my life. I want to be creative but I can't let it drive me like it did during my Christmas holidays. I really need to focus on organizing my creative life and home so that I can do the summer things as well as keep up on my creative side.

Having large bits of time off might help me launch myself into a totally different place with my creativity being a my source of income! Oh, that would be nice!

my 14,610 day ...

Wow! It is here and I am doing ok! That is a sigh of relief.

I have been wondering how I will deal with the middle ages of my life. There is a culture where everyone wants to get to 40 because they are respected and revered. Well, I don't live in that culture. Sooooo, was I going to let it get me down? I am not married and living in an apartment. No kids nor do I really want to handle that on my own. Oh, and the dreaded change that happens to all women. I guess that living on my own, no one will have to deal with my falling apart. And then there is a thought that as you get older that your circle of people get smaller and smaller. Mine is so small now what will happen..... stop....

That was where my mind was going in past years. Not this year I am glad to report. I start every year with a theme. A theme where I am searching for something. It is a request for God to come and surprise me with new learning and a renewing. This year is me allowing God to romance me with His Everlasting Love. I don't want this to be a surface thing I really want depth and width. I am soooooo sick of the unstable and weak. Won't take it no more! Man's love is so fleeting and feeble but God's love? EVERLASTING! This is where my mind is. I am totally focused on RECEIVING His Everlasting Love. I have rejected it in the past without realizing it. It is in the bad thoughts. You know, those negative thoughts that are always there. Do you realize that we woman think about if we are beautiful enough as much as men think about sex. I have decided that harnessing my thoughts on God's Everlasting Love is a do or die thing.

Another thought of sailing through this middle patch is that after listening to women who have come undone because of the woman change, I wonder if the major source of this dysfunction was because these women never dealt with stress. Stress is everywhere and cannot be avoided but learning what de-stresses you is extremely important to practice and do in life. Could women learn to de-stress and go through the change without medication and be intact physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? This needs to remain a question. There is no need for you to answer me on this. Answer it for your own self.

With this question of going through the middle ages de-stressed and savoring and delight in my God, I have found a new passion - amigurumi. I have noticed that I have this passion that de-stressed the stress and fears of work. For me de-stressing is all about learning for me. I must not stop. There is always more I want to know so must never give up on learning. If I can learn to crochet in my middle ages with no human help then I can do it again in all my other curiosities. I must say here you cannot de-stress without a focused thought life on inviting His Everlasting Love and delighting and savoring it.

So on this happy day, I am numbering the Mighty Works God has done in my life. I am trilled with the passions and dreams He has given me. I am grateful that He takes the time to nudge me via my pet words to speak depth to me and my walk with Him. I am honored to have my family and puppers around me. Our lives are so connected and precious. Remembering to value and hold them as fleeting - treasures to store in Heaven. I have friends and memories to cherish and hold. It is the good with the bad that make our lives rich. I am valued to be called woman and beautiful by my Beloved. I am His and He is mine. My greatest gift to give is my smile and my softness but also remembering that it must never be thought of as weak because God's Strength is the source.

One last thing is that my relationship with God has to be top priority. I must read His Word as much as I pray. It must remain a two way street not just a whimpering mess on my part. Reading His Word has been like being full and hungry at the same time as it should be. I am satisfied but wanting more. MMM, yes, I admit I want to be a junkie with His Word!!! Oh Taste!!!!!! (Oh devour tooo) and see that He is Good...

All that we are promised is one day. What will I make of this day? It is a wonderful life, am I living it wonderful?
I rattle the lone marble in my glass jar. I stand on my writer's desk and shout 'Yes, This is a Wonderful Life. I choose to live it WONDERFULLY. Thank You, My Beloved for this precious life. My answer to Your Command - I CHOOSE LIFE. I CHOOSE WONDERFUL LIFE. I CHOOSE WONDERFUL EVERLASTING LIFE!''

seconds & thirds please ...

I have been finding it hard to write here like I use to. And this week for sure will be sporadic like usual. Dad is away for the week so I am over being with Mom and the 3 pups for company. It is sorta like a vacation but not! I am planning on some cooking because Mom tends to just eat leftovers or eats fast food. I thought this would be good for me to try cooking for others and save a bit of pocket change. However, this is like living between two places and it means other things are put on hold. This explains this week. Now to explain the other weeks where my writing has become sparse.

The Amigurumi has certainly taken a real strong hold in my life right now. I love these little crochet toys and the smaller the better. While on this wacky ride I realized that besides books and my bike being my 'bestest' childhood friends, small stuff animals that I could pack and hide in my purse because I didn't what to leave them at home since I was afraid a fire or tornado would take them from me. Whew! I know a poor tween girl was I! I am so glad that I don't feel the need to pack them in purse as an adult. Now my purses are very small and only pack the essentials. {sheepy grin & red cheeked} But to be able to make these little pocket friends with smiles have become a driving need inside. When I have completed them all decked out in a smile and cuteness, I smile. I love it.

I have found that Amigurumies de-stress me in these wild and troubling times. Of course they are only apart of the de-stressing but it has been a cool ride. I do wonder if the ride will stop and why my other creative passions don't drive me like Ami does but I am a perpetual learner that what Ami has done to me, I am going to work it in my writing and my painting. This is way to good to let it slide unheeded in my other parts of my life.

Being able to create little best friends that made my childhood is coming full circle. I have to thank my precious Heavenly Father for enabling me to get crochet from web pictures and self teach it. Whenever I look at the things I like and what I have done to creatively express it, I rejoice that God gave these likes and passions to me. I know I feel sometimes embarrassed especially describing my passions to men but I mustn't. I forget to come outside myself and see the light in my eyes. Too often I sit within myself trying to hide! Hmmm, interesting that this comes out here when I didn't intend it too. Another connect the dot...

I did spend a lot of time researching and gathering because I felt so behind. Now that my pattern book is full, I hope I can manage more efficiently by junkie cravings! However, I am finding the need growing stronger and stronger to make my own patterns. Having nieces and a nephew, I do want to create characters from their story books but wait, why not create my own ami characters and stories!!!! My goal is to definitely marrying my passions and crafts together! I might have a full plate of passions but I think it quite alright to have second and thirds full plates! Isn't that the way to have a full and delightful life?

highway ...

I know that my journey as a believer is on a narrow path. Jesus even said this in Mat 7:14 'Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.' Many times I have felt the narrow begin to squeeze in. That is ok and it is as it should be. So imagine my surprise that my beloved narrow way could be describe in another way - a more broad means.

I love words and as I read I find God giving me words that intrigue me and keep me in the wondering about them. The word is highway.

Isaiah 35 has quickly become a favorite because it is totally about JOY. Here in verse 8 I found 'way of holiness' described as a highway! Hmm, that is way different from what I have always known as a narrow way. Look up the meaning of highway and it is a public road. Another hmmm.

Isaiah 35:8-9
And a highway will be there;
it will be called the Way of Holiness.
The unclean will not journey on it;
it will be for those who walk in that Way;
wicked fools will not go about on it.
No lion will be there,
nor will any ferocious beast get up on it;
they will not be found there.
But only the redeemed will walk there

When I stumble upon something intriguing like this in the Word, I tuck it back in the brain to ponder. To my lovely surprise as I was reading a chapter of Proverbs a day, highwaycame up again two days in a row.

Prov 15:19 The way of the lazy man is like a hedge of thorns, But the way of the upright is a highway.
Prov 16:17 The highway of the upright is to depart from evil; He who keeps his way preserves his soul.

Each verse is more meaning to this highway and yet I want to learn more. I can't help but think the meaning has something to do with the Way being lofty and high up. I love sitting at the feet of Jesus.

hb amigurumies

My nephew and his Mom had birthdays this month and we shall be celebrating today. I made a amigurumies monkey for him. He really loved his sock monkey I made for him this past Christmas so I when I learned to crochet just so I could make all things amigurumies, I had to try my hand at his favorite animal. Yes, I hope to get some smiles - those are the best gifts in returns.

Let me tell you I did get made at the monkey. I had problems with attaching all the extremities to the body. The head was crooked, the arms seemed mismatched in thickness, the tail was sideways, and the legs were twisted. I sent the 'woppy-jawed' (this has to be a word b/c I used and have heard it used by my mom - maybe it is just one of our words!) monkey to the corner for a week before I settled down enough to fix the poor thing. It is better. {smiles}

I told you this story because my little bro liked the bear I made for his daughter that he has ordered two bears to give to friends who are having girls. I didn't like the bear's head. It seemed tooooo square. Remember this is after my little tiff with the monkey, I decided to do the pattern again but instead fuse the head and body together so I would NOT have to worry about attaching the head and the body. This only means that I once I began to finish the head I stopped with 18 scs and began the body since the biggest part of the body is 18 scs. It looked like a light bulb before I attached the legs, arms, and ears. Then I thought maybe I needed more definition in the neck by going down to 12 scs and then back to the 18 scs for the body. Welllllll, it affects the shape of the head. I will see how others like it but bear number two wins my heart (light bulb one!) It has been good to play with this bear pattern and go with something I like! I have some ideas for my own patterns that I want to do and can't wait to do. I do have patterns that I want to try because it will help me get a grip on my own creating since I am such a newbie at this! 3 months!

I am giving a small bird in a nest (amigurumi) to my brother's wife. The reason being is that she is still looking for a job loss. God took her through a job loss before He will take her though it again. The vengeance she might feel belongs to the Lord. She is worth more than many sparrows and those sparrows worry not over food or clothing BUT THEY DOOOOOOOO SING!!!! I am not sure what I will put in the card - oh, I must go and get that finished!!!!

Ps 98:1
O sing unto the LORD a new song;
for He hath done marvellous things:
His Right Hand, and His Holy Arm,
hath gotten Him the Victory.